


Untitled

by lylahmur



Category: Brian Quinn - Fandom, Impractical Jokers, Q - Fandom, TESD, Tenderloins
Genre: F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 199,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1562429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lylahmur/pseuds/lylahmur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian Quinn & Tess Hudson are two completely different people from two opposite walks of life.  Yet, one unpleasant encounter forces a meeting neither will ever forget.  Follow them through their rocky, undeniable acquaintanceship to see what simply knowing one another brings to the table.  Who will win?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you.

"Just another wonderful night," I muttered under my breath.  It was hot, muggy and altogether disgusting in downtown New Orleans.  I was on foot patrol for the local police department for the third night in a row.   It was just the beginning of the wild celebration that led up to Mardi gras and it couldn't have been over soon enough.   Not that I didn't mind the people watching, but drunk and disorderly got old.  Fast.  I had to continuously remind myself that I moved two hours from home for a specific, purposeful reason.  The job.    _Right.  Keep telling yourself that_.

I was just one of countless officers on patrol of the loud, overcrowded streets downtown.   Unfortunately, it was a common duty all the stations gave the rookies, although I wasn't a rookie any longer.   It was getting tiresome since I'd already been employed in New Orleans police for over five years.  More than enough time to be stuck with the grunt work, in my opinion at least.

I walked with my partner and long time friend, Liv, down the jam-packed sidewalk.  We'd grown up together and she completely supported my decision to become a police officer.   Hell, she had to because my daddy was a cop all his life.   And so much so that she ended up taking the plunge into the academy with me.  I started as soon as I could as a dispatcher in my hometown and worked my way up from there.

"Lighten up, Tess.   It's almost over and guess what- we don't have to come back to this for two whole days," Liv quipped.  She stopped to refasten her straight blonde hair into a tight bun and cocked a matching eyebrow at me.

I rested my hand over the butt of my gun and gave her a sideways, curious glance.  "We're awfully optimistic tonight.  Did you get laid or something?" I laughed.

"No, not recently.  Just over this crap as much as you are and I'm ready for a night that doesn't consist of drunk idiots yelling at me," she replied with a smirk.

I nodded immediately in agreement.  Yelling, well, that led to spitting, among other things and I definitely didn't want that.  Gross.  People were gross.   Drunk people were even more gross.  And despite her size, Liv could hold her own.  Little meant quick and she was fast.   Not that I wasn't, but I didn't have the petite, stealthy stature she did.   She packed quite a punch for five-foot-two.   And quite the mouth.   We scored similar in school but I was much more reserved.  She was a partier and substantially more outspoken while I remained the quiet, observant one.  She did enough talking and tackling for the both of us.

Intoxicated patrons covered every inch of the sticky streets and we had to pry our way through the swarm of bodies to make it to our destination.   Screaming and hollers erupted as beads continued to fly through the musty, late evening air.  We were on our way to Wiggly's Lounge to provide back up to a couple of fellow officers and venue security.  Wiggly's was an exclusive club on the edge of town that everyone who was anyone wanted to get into.  There were always celebrities around and plenty of shows and concerts going on.  We were never informed who was coming in, which I really couldn't care less about, we just had to be there to provide a little extra help to security if things got out of hand.  With the amount of alcohol consumed during the week, someone was always bound to get wild.    That night was no different when we arrived at the rear entrance.  Two SUV's were surrounded by a moving mass of people.  The officers we were assisting already had two men in custody.

"Is there a boy band in town?" I asked.  It elicited a laugh from Liv and I shot her a small smile before meeting eyes with Deputy Matthews.  He graduated with us and that explained why he was still on foot too.  I grinned at him, tucking a curl behind my ear that came loose from my ponytail.

"Thing one, thing two," he told Liv and I when we walked up beside him, pointing to the pair of inebriated men in handcuffs sitting on the curb.

I nodded and tucked my fingers into the top of my belt.   "Transport en route yet?"

He nodded too, his six foot-three frame standing over me.   It was hard to hear anyone over the screams and I just hoped whoever it was in the trucks behind us had gone inside already.  Our vehicle pulled up shortly after Liv and I arrived and we loaded up the two intoxicated individuals.  Then, the door to the first truck opened and two gentlemen slid out.   That was when the crowd closed in.

"Half of these assholes probably don't even know who these guys are," Liv snickered and I nodded.   It was always the alcohol talking.  And screeching.  Enough to make me wish for the set of ear plugs I left in my locker that night.

We made our way toward the steel doors with people pushing and stepping on our feet when Matthews called out rather annoyed, "I need everyone to step back to let these guys through.  I don't think anyone else wants to go to jail tonight."   It shut some of them up but relentless bodies still closed in.

I was right along side him and managed to stand my ground.   I was a seemingly average twenty-nine year old.  Dark, chestnut curls, matching eyes and a few freckles.  Nothing to write home about.  Other than my wild hair.  It might not have been as crazy to other people as I thought it was, but it made me long for Liv's straight blonde locks every, single, day.  I stood six inches shorter than Matthews and I burned before I tanned, even though I grew up underneath the hot Louisiana sun.

Two large, hefty bouncers towered over me as well and did their best to keep people in check.  No matter how many nights I spent in the city, I was repeatedly amazed at the audacity of tourists.  The giant men handled the crowds the other eleven months of the year but for some reason, right about then, they needed a badge or two, or six, to step in.  The evening air stunk of booze and sweat and did wonders for my hair.  I wanted a shower, especially since I had a small woman clawing and grabbing at me, completely ignoring my attempt to stop her from getting by.

I placed my hands on her shoulders to move her back when a car door abruptly slammed into my skull, violently lurching me forward.   I knocked the woman over and fell roughly to my knees, catching myself with my palms before my face hit the pavement.  My head throbbed right away so my hand flew to the goose egg that had already formed on the back of my head.   _You've got to be fucking kidding._

 

"I'm so sorry!" a concerned voice exclaimed, carrying a thick, northern accent.  There were a pair of hands on my arms an instant later and I turned to face wherever the voice was coming.   I didn't recognize him despite the crowd of fans around him, and my vision was rather hazy from the blow. "Are you all right?   I'm so sorry!  Officer, please let me help you up."

Liv quickly apprehended the girl who had jumped up and darted for the man with his hands on me.   "Jesus, Tess.  That looked like it hurt," she laughed.

I winced and glared at her, "thank you, Captain fucking Obvious."  I grumbled before looking at the man who'd come to my aid.   I met piercing blue eyes and tried to shake the stars that were circling above me.  As I found my footing, I took a few deep breaths to get through the shooting pain.   "I'll survive.  Let's move it along, please."  I forced a smile as I rubbed the back of my head once again.   The man who slid out behind blue eyes rushed to my side as well.  The ache spread down into my neck that caused me to swear under my breath.

"Holy shit, Joey.  We all know you like to make an entrance but you didn't have to use the car door on this poor girl.  That's really rough man," he laughed as he helped me to my feet.  His accent was just as loud but his voice was deeper.  Huskier.  His soft, brown eyes contrasted with the sound of it and looked me over before meeting my own.   He remained blurry, just like his friend.   _It's for the better, you should get out of there before you say something mean_ , my conscience said.

Matthews quickly took their place and held me steady with a hand on my back.  "You okay, Tess?" he asked.

"I'm fine, really.  Just get them inside.   Move it along, gentlemen.  Please," I repeated, using my free hand to wave them forward.   I needed a pain reliever, like yesterday.  Especially if I was going to make it through the rest of my shift.  I just wanted to get them inside and get on with the already awful evening.

Brown-eyes didn't move a muscle when Matthews attempted to play my protector.  "You know, you can arrest him if you want to.   Isn't that...  What do they call it?  Assault on a police officer?" he asked while he rubbed his short beard.   I noticed it matched his smooth, chocolate locks when he finally came into focus.  He stood taller than me with broad, masculine shoulders and I couldn't help but look up at him as I gathered my bearings.  My vision straightened to completely normal a few seconds later, allowing me to notice his tousled brown hair with light touches of grey at his temples.   It stuck out beneath his New York Yankees cap in a relaxed, casual manor.   _Damn Tess, he's sexy_.

Matthews opened his mouth to respond but I shoved him off and sent him to help Liv with the crazy woman.    "It's called an accident," I shot back, flashing him an unamused smile.  He looked surprised at my retort but I was completely alright with that.   I wasn't in the mood for a smart aleck and I wanted a shift that didn't include the drama of a celebrity.   I'd already had enough of that for a lifetime.

"Right," he chuckled uneasily.   He then shoved his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans and stilled in front of me for a moment.   More yelling ensued and the crowd seemed to get even wilder as time went on.   My head continued to pound as the ache escalated to my temples.  Liv stepped back to my side and helped guide the men through the door.  Four total.   I watched my fair share of television and movies and I liked to think I was pretty up to speed with music, but I still couldn't figure out who they were.   And they certainly didn't look like any boyband I'd ever seeb.   After we finally got them inside, the bouncers thanked us and we nodded and patiently waited for the door to shut before we had to face the hungry mass of fans.  That's when I felt a hand on my arm.   _What is with everyone touching you tonight?_

"Wait.  I can't apologize enough for Joe and the horrible joke I made," brown-eyes said, hanging half of his torso out the metal door.

I pursed my lips before speaking.   "You're right.   You can't because I take it you're not Joe.   Y'all have a good night," I said, half serious and half teasing as I raised an eyebrow at him.   My Cajun took him a moment to comprehend but I threw him a smile while he tried to figure it out.  The incident wasn't his fault, I knew that much.   It wasn't anyone's fault.   Accidents were bound to happen.   It was a crazy week and the mayhem was to be expected.   The crowd dissipated quickly which amazed me, although a few people still lingered around the doors.  I heard them yelling names, trying to get the attention of the men already inside I assumed.

"We're doing a show here tomorrow night.   You ladies- uh,  _officers_ , should come by," he began, grinning sheepishly at his correction.  "We can put you on the list to get in.  Get you tickets.  It's the least we can do after assaulting one of Louisiana's finest," he said to me.  My brows pulled together and I shook my head.   _Wait a damn second.  Is he... Hitting on you?_

Just then, another head popped out the door yelling enthusiastically about the show the next night and attempted to tug brown-eyes inside the door.  "Come on, Q!"

"In a minute!" he yelled.  My eyes went wide and I took a step back because the sudden outburst aggravated my head.  "Please?   I feel really bad about what happened," he said and he smiled. Sweetly.  The overall look about him was gruff but there was a certain charm underneath.   _You think.   He's some sort of celebrity for Christ sake, don't give him another minute of your time._

"She'll think about it," Liv cut in.  I hadn't even noticed that she was at my side again, but I wasn't surprised.  She had excellent radar.   If someone was even thinking about partying she was all over it.   I, on the other hand wasn't much of a fan of doing the whole downtown nightclub scene.   I was a homebody and I certainly didn't like crowds.  Or hangovers.

"Consider it at least.   I hope I see you two tomorrow," he continued.  His eyes were on me.  Of all people and I had to check behind me to make sure I was the one he was really speaking to.  He was a New York-er for sure.   The way he enunciated everything clearly gave that away.  I'd never met anyone from up north.  He stuck out.  And he was cute, there was no denying that.   _Who cares, Tess? Matthews is cute, too_.   I shuddered at the thought of Matthews and looked to brown-eyes again.  He was only going to be in town for a couple days, if that, and I was just another face he'd forget before this night was over.

Apparently, Liv thought otherwise and seized the moment.   "Oh, I'll definitely be here.  Same time, good lookin'?" she flirted.   That made me groan.  She was the epitome of a guy's gal.  Loved the game.   _You should live a little_ , my inner voice told me.  I turned away and rolled my eyes.  Crossing my arms over my chest, I waited for her to finish up and hearing his voice once more behind me, she conveniently rejoined Matthews across the alley.

"Psst.  Hey.  Curly."   Turning my head, I looked at him over my shoulder and he spoke again.  "Yes. _You_.  When you show up tomorrow night, there's a drink with your name on it."

"Confident, are we?" I teased.  I didn't give him enough time to respond before I turned away again.   I smiled but definitely didn't let him see it.  He didn't need another ego inflation or any other form of encouragement.   But it didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the attention or boyish good looks.   I'd been so focused on work that I forgot what it felt like to have any.  Other than the jerks I worked with, of course.  It made me feel good for a moment but I quickly remembered that Liv was the flirt.   The outgoing one.   She could make any man fall to their knees just by simply batting her eyes at them.   I didn't think about it too much, assuming I would just be a fleeting moment in his life.  I walked away and looked down at my watch.  It was ten o'clock, which meant I'd only been on duty for three measly hours.

"Fuck me.   It's going to be a long night," I mumbled as I walked out of the alley.  Liv was nearby, tucking her flashlight back in her belt.  My head throbbed continuously, sending sharp twinges of pain down the back of my neck.  I used to get the adrenaline rush whenever I helped at Wiggly's but it faded the longer I had to assist security.   _Same shit, different day_.

"You already said that," Liv chuckled.  I rolled my eyes, wincing.

Matthews caught up to us a moment later.  "You're not seriously thinking about meeting up with them, are you?" he asked.

"Why not?" Liv replied nonchalantly.

"You didn't recognize them? Those guys are on TV," he said.  Don't get me wrong, Matthews was a nice guy but there was always something the matter with any man who paid us any attention.   Hence the reason he tried to come to my rescue when two of the so-called celebrities were making sure I was okay.  He was an annoying, overprotective older brother, as Liv said.

Liv shrugged her shoulders.  "So what?  They seem harmless."

"I'm sure they're just looking for a quick lay.  You know, just to get the whole New Orleans experience," he replied, air quoting the last bit of his sentence.

"Matthews!  We're grown ass women.  We can handle ourselves.   And not all guys are like  _you_ ," she said.   I let out a laugh, though it hurt.  Liv never ceased to amaze me with what she let come out of her mouth.

He tried not to look offended.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, please," Liv groaned.  "Don't try and play innocent with us.   We hear  _all_  the stories about you."

He ignored her and continued on in front of us by a few steps.  "Hey.  Fine.   Don't say I didn't warn you.   Celebrities are only looking for one thing.  And I'm just looking out for my friends," he said as he threw his hands up in surrender.

"We got this.   It's about time our little Tess here got back in the saddle.  If you know what I mean," she said as she nudged me with her elbow.

"Seriously, Alivia?"

"What?"   Innocence was never her strong suit.

"There are things I tell you in confidence.   I don't need the whole gosh darn department knowing about my love life," I told her.

"What's  _he_  gonna say?" she laughed.

My cheeks heated and I grabbed onto the shoulder straps of my vest as we walked further downtown. I shut my mouth because that was the only thing that would keep her from throwing me further under the bus and my personal life under wraps.

Seven a.m. couldn't have come soon enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lust: a sudden, powerful, almost overwhelming desire of something you know is bad for you.

I yawned when my heavy, tired eyelids finally fluttered open after the never ending night before.  The afternoon sun shone through my windows, lighting up my neutral, plain bedroom.  I could smell the river and it brought me back to life after sleeping a good part of the day away.  Liv and I rented a moderate size place on the Mississippi River, big enough for both of us to have our own space.  She was rather popular with the male population so it spared me the details when she had company over.

I rubbed my face and dragged my feet to the bathroom for a shower.   I only needed to towel dry my hair because the humid atmosphere let it to do whatever it pleased no matter what I did.   I dressed in some running shorts and a snug tank and proceeded down the stairs to find Liv.  She was perched in our kitchen on a bar stool, focused on something playing from the laptop.

"Evening, ma'dam," I smiled as I grabbed a few of the crackers she was munching on and popped them into my mouth.   My head still had a dull ache so I quickly found the ibuprofen in one of the cupboards to ease the residual pain.   "What'cha watching?"

"I Google'd those guys from last night.  They're pretty fucking funny, T," she said.  She looked at me and wiggled her blonde brows suggestively.  "And that guy who was talking to us was super cute.   A little thicker than I usually go for, but really kinda sexy."

I fought not to roll my eyes.  "They're just some guys out looking for some local tail, Liv.  Just like Matthews said.  You of all people should know that.  I'm sure they found what they were looking for last night."  I shook my head and poured myself a glass of iced tea to swallow the pills down.  The late afternoon sun lit up our small kitchen and gave it a warm, yellow glow.   It lightened my mood, that and the fact that I didn't have to go to work didn't hurt either.

Her mouth shot open.   "What's that supposed to mean?" she laughed, continuing anyway.   "You've never been to Wiggly's.   I mean, inside it anyway.  Let's go.  Even if it's just for a little bit.   If we see them, we see them.  If we don't we'll still have a good time."

"Liv..."

"I need to get out of this house.   I'm going a little stir crazy here."  She threw her hands up and smacked them back down on the counter.   I chewed on my lip as I thought about it.   It  _had_  been a while since we had gone out, just the two of us.

"Let me wake up first and I'll see.  I planned on studying-"

"You can study  _tomorrow_ , Tess.   Go put something cute on and meet me back here in fifteen."  She cut me off and didn't give me a chance to protest.

She was gone from the kitchen before I groaned out loud.   Rubbing the remaining sleep from my eyes, I set my glass in the empty sink and sighed.  Not that I cared about the guys from last night, there were plenty of others to choose from but Wiggly's was rather hard to get into and I wasn't necessarily in the mood for chaos.   I didn't see myself meeting anyone there worthy of any sort of attempted relationship, either.   I loved the low key life and men, especially  _famous_  men, were the last thing I needed.   _Okay, maybe you're a little curious about the strangers from the last night.._.

Grudgingly, I returned upstairs to dress per Liv's demand.   I pulled on a pair of snug jeans with a modest amount of tears, seeing how it was seventy-five degrees in February.   I paired them with a loose white tank and opted for flip flops since I assumed I'd be on being on my feet most of the night.   I spritzed some hair spray in attempt to tame my curls and a little perfume on my neck.   Just inside twenty minutes, we made it downtown with ease but barely squeezed into a parking spot after stalking a couple through the lot.   Luckily, we were just a couple blocks from the nightmare of Bourbon Street and Wiggly's.

The two story brick building included a rooftop where faces were leaned over the edge to watch the activity on the street.   It was then that I noticed the amount of bodies waiting to enter.  "The line goes all the way around the block, Liv. We're never getting in."   I shook my head as we stood on the very sidewalk we had the night before.

"Stop being such a pessimist.  You look amazing.   _I_  look amazing.  There's no way they're not gonna to let us in.  Plus, Nate and Bear owe us a favor for helping out last night," she said.   _Ah, yes. The bouncers from the night before_.  We'd helped them before but I never said a word.   Liv, on the other hand made friends with everyone.  She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the front of the line.  She had a few words with them and we were in.  Just like that. _Of course you are_.   I should have known better.  Whenever Liv had her mind sent on something you better believe that it would happen one way or another.  I guessed that to be a good thing because if it were left up to me, I wouldn't have even tried.

Inside, it definitely projected a young, fun atmosphere.  I'd give them that much.  Intimate tables surrounded the dance floor and a good size stage sat up front for entertainment purposes.   Four microphones stood beneath the lights but it looked like we missed the show.  The crowd was moving around the venue and it definitely wasn't quiet in there.   _Why are you even thinking about them, Tess?  They're probably not even here anymore._   I rolled my eyes at the nonsense my brain spewed and tried to catch back up to Liv.

Not a moment later, a DJ began a pounding beat through the speakers and the dance floor was instantly overrun.  The place was packed.   It was a fight even to get up the stairs for a drink but we managed to find a spot at the huge bar.   I placed our cocktail order while her trained eyes scoped the room.

"Ooh, Tess!"   She grabbed my arm.  Hard.   "I think I see them!" she sang, pointing to a round booth in the corner.  Velvet ropes and the whole shebang.

"Ouch!  What the hell?"   I took a deep breath to soothe where her nails had just dug in then a long, much needed swig of vodka.  She was standing on her tiptoes and jumping to get a better look.  "You seriously want to go over there?  Come on.  Let's just enjoy ourselves right here.  They've got better things to do than talk to two cops they probably won't even remember," I told her.  Rubbing the back of my head, I began to sweat.   The ibuprofen was doing what I'd hoped but I had quite the impressive, tender lump to show off.

"Why the hell not?  You're finally inside this fucking bar so loosen up, would ya?  Have some fun for a change," she yelled over the noise.  She smiled brightly and I knew what was coming.  Her blue eyes were wide when she dragged me, even though I opposed profusely, through the crowd.   I wasn't much for schmoozing with strangers, let alone famous strangers and she knew exactly what she was doing.   I pulled my hand away from her before we arrived in front of the VIP area.   I inhaled and let the awkwardness bloom in my gut.

"Hey guys!  Remember us?  Or more importantly, this girl right here?" she began, tugging me closer to her.  My face heated and I tried to avoid making eye contact with every single one of them when they looked up.

"Hey!" a few of them called out merrily once they put two and two together.    _Please Liv.   Just let me get out of here_.  But she only nudged me forward.   Closer.  Again, I rubbed the back of my head and stood uncomfortably beside her.  I hoped my hair wasn't frizzing and that I didn't have anything in my teeth.    _Just do this one favor for me.  Allow me to look decent so I don't make a complete fool of myself._

Joey, I think it was, erupted into contagious laughter and absolutely could not believe that we came out to see them.   "Get over here, you two!" he chortled, jumping up to wrap an arm around Liv and I.   He was boisterous and extremely friendly, that was for damn sure.  He leaned into my ear to apologize endlessly.

"You're fine, I promise.  Accidents happen," I replied and he nudged me into the seat beside him.   I swallowed hard and folded my hands into my lap once I sat down.  The red leather groaned underneath me until I settled.

"Drnks!" he yelled gleefully to whoever would listen.  But it was just us.  There were no servers in sight so I couldn't help but laugh and sincerely appreciate his sense of humor.  He wore a constant smile on his face and I slowly felt myself letting go of what happened the night before.   I was downright rude and unfriendly then and there they were apologizing and making me feel nothing but welcome. _Dammit_.

As Joe wrapped his arm over my shoulder again, I caught the baseball capped brunette smiling at me from across the table while Liv talked his ear off and flirtatiously touched his arm.   Then I thought, just for a split second, that maybe he had eyes for me and not her.  That would be a first.   When he turned back to her I quickly shrugged the thought away.   _Fat chance, Tess._ I had to look away before Liv caught me staring at her prize.

"Curly girl."  I was drawn from my thoughts when I heard him.  I found his gaze amongst the socializing going on around us and he pointed to my glass.   "Let me get you another," he said. Everyone continued to converse, even Liv hadn't noticed he brought his attention back to me.  She was busy talking to another brunette beside her.

I shook my head before I even thought it through.   I still had half a drink.   I probably should have said yes.   _There goes your opportunity._   He held my eyes and I was doing nothing but gazing back at him like an idiot.  He was handsome, more so than I remembered since my head was somewhat clearer than the night before.  Or maybe it  _was_  the injury I sustained doing the thinking for me.   _Don't fret it. Not yet._

After the waitress walked away, I excused myself from the table to find the ladies room.  No,  _escape_  to the ladies room.  The pre-Wiggly's cocktails I'd insisted on had finally caught up to me and I needed desperately to talk myself down since my stomach was full of obnoxious, fluttery butterflies.  While I walked through the venue, all I could think of was how weird everything felt.   I was totally out of my element.  It didn't feel real, at all.   I was reserved.   I was quiet.  I didn't hang out with celebrities.  For the most part, I despised the very attention they brought.

I looked myself over in the mirror and smoothed my curls.   They weren't nearly as frizzy as I'd feared, thank heavens.  A group of women entered as I was washing my hands and I couldn't help but admire the look about them.   They were stunning with their polished, straight hair and I suddenly felt plain.   Frenzied even.  Nothing special but an unruly head of hair and a very loud conscience.  It was funny how life worked.  There was plenty of jealousy over my curls while I was utterly envious of sleek, straight tresses.  What I'd give to relax the mop on my head.  But I'd come to terms with it.   Sort of.  My bathroom was chocked full of products I'd only tried once and failed, so I let it go for the most part.

When I was finished with the random snowball of thoughts that formed in my head, I forced myself to take a deep breath and push all of the negative away.    _Live a little Tess.  It's not going to kill you_.  I was just a tiny blip on their radar, so what was there to lose, really?  I felt a bit better especially when I thought back to Matthews' words from the night before.  I knew exactly what to expect- not a damn thing.

When I opened the bathroom door to walk out, my face connected directly with a firm, warm chest. "Oh!  Shit, I'm so sorry," I blurted before I was even able to see who it was.  The corridor was mostly dark except from the occasional beam of neon light from the dance floor.  I wasn't hurt from the innocent collision by any means, but that didn't help make me feel like less of an asshole.   I shook my head and steadied myself with his arms.  Immediately, a blush adorned my cheeks when I saw exactly who it was.  The knots I'd just talked myself out of were right back in place.   _Shit_.

"Are you okay?"  He was stifling his laughter while holding onto my shoulders.   His hands were exceptionally warm.  Strong.   I almost bit down on my bottom lip until I took notice of his stature.  He was taller than me by a few inches and his darker, brown hair stuck out from underneath his ball cap  _just_  right.  Like the night before.   Just...  Absolutely gorgeous.   I knew I thought that exact thing ten minutes ago but it still flashed fresh and bright in my brain.

"Y-yes.  I'm really very, very sorry about that.  Are you all right?   I wasn't watching where I was going. I, uh...  Accident prone is my middle name," I stammered, trying my best at a wisecrack to redeem the blubbering.  When I realized I was still holding onto his biceps, I quickly retracted my grip to not draw anymore attention to myself.  "You're... Q?   Did I hear that right?"

He grinned.  "That's me and I'm just fine.  Better now, actually.  But you should come with a warning label," he teased, extending his palm out in front of him while the other rubbed the back of his neck.  I caught him licking his lips before graciously I slid my hand into his.   His long fingers closed around mine and we stood silent.  His touch then was even warmer and my gut instantly did a back flip.   Then another when his eyebrows lifted in wonder.  I'd noticed that I was standing there like an even bigger ass for a few moments longer than I planned.

"Tess," I managed to say.  It came out in a rush as I regretfully pulled my hand from his to slide it into my back pocket.

"It's nice to meet you.  Officially, you know.   And under better...  More  _casual_  circumstances," he smirked.  I blushed again and pushed my curls over my shoulders.  I had no idea what to say.  I was dumbfounded, embarrassed and starstruck all at the same time.  And I had no freaking clue who the guy was.  Other than ridiculously attractive.  And famous, but I didn't know to what extent.  I didn't watch any of whatever Liv had searched on the internet before we left the house.  That didn't mean there wasn't still an air about him.   All four of them had it and it made me nervous.  A mute, almost.  I shrugged and moved to walk past him without another word.  I had nothing else to say to him.   I wasn't able to form another coherent sentence under his penetrating stare.   _Run, Tess. Run._

"Hey.  Wait."  He gently reached for my arm and I stopped.   A little too abruptly because his chest bumped into my back.  We were frozen together as a few people made their way past us in the mean time.  Even when they were gone, I still couldn't move.  He didn't speak again until I faced him.  "I really think you should let me buy you that drink.   How's your head by the way?" he asked as he stepped close.   _Too_  close.  Nevermind the fact that I was just enjoying the pleasant feel of his frame against my backside.   I inhaled with the intent to calm myself but instead I was hit with his intoxicating scent in full force.    _Oh hell, why are you kidding yourself?_   It was my second chance.   And how could I say no to those big, brown eyes of his?

"My head...   It's good.  All in a day's work," I smiled as best I could then I cleared my throat to cover my stutter.   "As for the drink, sure.   I guess I could go for another."   _Or ten_.  I had to turn away after that.  He was bordering my personal space and he smelledgood.  Really good.  I took a step toward the bar when his hand grazed my back for a moment.  Then just as quickly he pulled it away.  My brain went nuts.   There was no way he could have been apprehensive.  Not about something as minute as that.  Not him.  Sure, I didn't know him in the least but he'd exuded confidence before.  Last night to be exact.  He didn't even stand down from Matthews' overprotective tactics.

He started to say something but I didn't hear anything but silence follow.   I laughed it off and continued through the crowd to find another spot at the bar.   More people had arrived in the short time span since I left the table.  It was difficult to maneuver through the thick congregation but he was at my back again and the bodies seemed to part for us on their own accord.  His hands were on my shoulders until he pointed to a free spot where we might get served another drink.   I didn't want to get any closer.  To the bar, that was.  I was enjoying him.   The contact between us was electrifying and the sensation altogether exhilarating.   _Ugh, see?  It's been way too long._

I placed my hands on the counter to grab someone's attention when we finally reached it.   Q remained a solid figure behind me and even leaned down to my ear to speak.  "Pick your poison, beautiful.  Whatever you want," he said dangerously, dangerously way too close to my ear.

I held back my shudder but the goosebumps had another idea.  They covered my body the instant his lips brushed the sensitive skin.   I took a deep, courageous breath as I turned to his ear to reply.  "What would you like?"

"Jameson," he told me.   I nodded and he pressed closer when the mob thickened around us.  We were a snug fit in between other couples and party-goers but I didn't mind in the least.  I managed to flag down a bartender to order our drinks.

Liv words rang in my head to have a little bit of fun, so I thought about giving it a go.  He seemed nice enough.  Harmless enough, even.  So far.  It'd been a while since I met a nice guy.  That little voice in my head told me not to get ahead of myself just yet, but his smirk let me know that he appreciated the way I'd responded.

"Who are the Tenderloins?" I asked loudly, though the space between us was nonexistent.  I was tucked against his torso and his hand on my shoulder solidified his stance at my back.

"My friends and I.  Just a group of guys trying to hit it big, you know?  Doing what we have to to get by," he replied coolly, taking a sip of his drink once it was handed over.

"Must be tough.  From the amount of people I saw last night I have a feeling you're on the right track."  I smiled and took a drink from my own cup.   I brushed away the cobwebs that had formed over my flirting capabilities and smoothed my shaky voice.

He laughed and looked down.   _Wait, was that...  Humility?_   "We're hoping it goes somewhere."  He lifted his eyes to mine as he slid his hand down to the middle of my back.  He asked another question but the bass pounding around us drowned it out.   That and he had me discombobulated with the simple touch of his palm.

"What was that?" I asked, turning my ear to his mouth again.

He leaned in and I swallowed hard as my heart dropped to my stomach with the subtle contact.  "How long have you been a cop?" he repeated.  His stubble brushed against my soft skin and I fought off another shiver.

"A little over five years," I said before taking another drink.  His scent pulled me closer and I inhaled, unable to decipher it.  It wasn't cologne, I knew that much.

"That's awesome.   Is it always what you've wanted to do?"  His brown eyes refocused intently on me.

I looked around, allowing my mind get the best of me again.   It went blank and I turned to locate the table we'd come from.  I knew it wouldn't last.  The touching.  The closeness.   The flirting.  I was my own worst enemy when it came to giving in to something that I think I might like.   It was always too good to be true so I put a stop to it to spare myself any disappointment.  It drove me mad and Liv even wilder.  But that was just something I did.   I played everything safe.

"I got my drink.  We should get back.  Liv's probably looking for you," I said, forcing myself back to the reality of the evening.  He was just being courteous.  Liv always got the guy and her sights were clearly set on him.  I didn't know where my one-eighty exactly spawned from but guys like him didn't happen to me.  Ever.

"That's your friend, right?  Your partner?" he asked.   I nodded, expecting endless questions about her to follow.   If she was single, his chances are with her and so on.  "Don't get me wrong.  She's sweet.   But I was really looking forward to talking to you some more tonight."  My jaw fell open with surprise and disbelief as the butterflies took flight in my stomach.

I glanced up at him, confused.   "You're joking, right?"  I looked back over my shoulder like I did the night before to make sure he was still talking to me.  There was no way he could have meant that.  Not honestly, anyway.

He laughed and tugged me closer with an arm around my neck.  "Yes  _you_ , Tess.  Stop looking at me like that," he said against my cheek.

I laughed with him and my body warmed as I stood under his arm.  "I...  Sorry."

He shook his head and I watched his eyes slide over the bodies around us that consisted mostly of women.  Attractive women.   "Don't be."

 _Seriously?_    _Could he be any more obvious?_   I suddenly got a clear understanding that he was on the prowl.   Maybe I was just his first victim of the evening and I fought not to roll my eyes when I realized what I had gotten myself into.   He was  _that_  guy.   Flirting, if that's what I was calling this, was fun and all but I had to keep him as well as myself in check.   For more than just that blatant reason, too.

"Oh, you're good," I said with a laugh.   I turned my back toward the bar just out of his grasp and pushed my long curls over my shoulders.  My elbows rested on the cool wood as I looked out over the crowd.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him gaze at the skin I'd exposed and he wasn't the least bit covert about that, either.   It felt good whether I wanted to let myself believe it or not.  Exciting. I had  _his_  attention for a moment.  Of all men in the bar that night.   _Just grow a pair, Tess_.  I could tell myself that all I wanted but I knew I wouldn't be able to follow through with anything.  Not if I knew what he was really after.

"Whaddya mean?" he asked.  His finger tapped against his plastic cup, fixing on whatever would come out of my mouth next.

"It just comes natural, doesn't it?" I continued.   I threw him a small, playful smile to ease the tone of my question.   My heart rate picked up and I couldn't believe that I was standing there with the likes of him.  And finding the nerve to call him out on his leering.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied as he shook his head, looking perplexed.

"You know.  Picking up women," I mentioned suggestively.   I bit down regretfully on my straw as soon as the words flew from my mouth.

He laughed and a hint of a smile tugged on the side of his mouth. "What?  Not even close," he said as he put his hand in his front pocket.  I still eyed him, then laughed when his own jaw fell open.

"Okay, okay.   I'm sorry.   I guess I shouldn't assume."  I held my hands up in surrender.   "You're famous, so I just thought you..." I trailed off with an innocent shrug.

He leaned down to my ear again and I waited for his response, my body impulsively leaning into him. "You shouldn't assume.  Didn't anyone teach you what that meant?" he teased.   "And as far as this famous talk, I'm far from it, pretty girl."

Goosebumps reappeared involuntarily when his nose brushed my ear lobe.  I closed my eyes and had a death grip on my glass.  Though I was trying to convince myself he was a pig at that moment, I could have melted into a puddle right there on the floor.  And he was avoiding my question. I took a deep, controlled breath.   _Contain yourself, you idiot_.  "Oh please.  Says the hundreds of crazy fans from last night."

He shrugged.   _Noncommittal, hmm. Okay._

"You could have any girl in this bar.   Right now.   I can see you looking at them.  Why are you wasting your time talking to me?"  I stepped back, putting a couple of inches between us again.   _Here we go_.   I should just throw in the towel and walk away with my last comment.

I saw a perturbed look come over his face when I slid away and he set his glass on the bar top.  " _Am_  I wasting my time?"

I bit the inside of my cheek.  His words threw me off of whatever disaster I was letting this become.   _Was he?  Fuck.  Answer him already_.  My face flushed and my body followed suit though I tried my best to hide it from him.  He came off sweet, then cocky but something about that night pushed me a little farther.  To see where we wound up.  I couldn't deny that he was sexy and I was thoroughly enjoying the attention at that particular moment in my life.  It felt...   Satisfying.  I'd leave it at that.

"I-I don't know," I sputtered.

"Because I don't think I am."

"I'm not one of your fan girls," I blabbed.    _Facepalm_.   _What happened to your filter?_  I tossed the straws on the bar and took a long swig of the cold, mixed drink, desperately willing it loosen the muscles in my neck.  And my stomach.

He laughed lightheartedly and nodded.  "No one said you were a 'fan girl'.  I don't go after that type." He used his fingers to make quotation marks in the air.  "You don't even know what I do and I like that.  So tonight, I'm just a normal,  _not famous_  guy trying to pick you up."

I laughed and looked around at the swarm of people and I felt him sidle in closer again.  He needed to stop doing that.   _No, do it again_.  I sucked in a breath and my thoughts whirled incoherently.

He broke what I thought was an awkward silence and leaned in again.   "I'm attracted to you, Tess. Let's just go with it.  It might be fun.  Do you know what that is?"

My legs were Jell-O and I felt my stomach do another trio of somersaults.  "Yes.  Thank you very much."   I shot him a 'you're an asshole' smirk but continued, "women don't normally give you a hard time, do they?"   I straightened my stance from the bar to make sure my legs would work after all.

"No.  Not really."

"See! I knew it!"  I laughed, pressing my finger to his chest.

He exuded a bit of chagrin and shook his head.  "No.  Hey!  That's not what I meant."

I cocked my brow.  "Then what  _did_  you mean?"   I knew he was lying when he told me he didn't do this often.  He was confident in an almost arrogant sense, but I was still attracted to it for some reason unknown to me.

He let out a grumble and wiped a hand over his beard.   "Nothing.  You wanna head to the roof?  It's less crowded and maybe I'll be able to explain myself better up there."

I gave him a sideways glance but nodded hesitantly.  "Uh.   Sure."

"I'm gonna use the restroom and I'll meet you up there, okay?" he asked and I nodded again.  I pulled cash from my wristlet to order another drink and held the bill out.   I jumped when his hand clamped over mine and pushed it back. I felt his chest against my bare shoulder and his body heat radiated into me again.

"Absolutely not.  Put your money away.   I'll get us another when we get up there," he said and I caught the inside of my cheek with my teeth when I got another whiff of his delicious scent.   I could only agree, then his touch disappeared.  My feet carried me to the stairs that led to the roof and reassured myself before ascending.  I didn't see anyone at the table we were at earlier so I only hoped that Liv was already up there.   I needed her to knock some sense into me.   _This isn't you, Tess.  He's bad, bad news._ But subconsciously, I craved more of the attention he was paying me.

The rooftop wasn't nearly as crowded as the bar and I felt relieved.  The fresh air felt good too, even though it was still humid and bit muggy.  But I was used to that.   I scanned the area for Liv and spotted her at a table with Q's friends.  All eyes on her as usual.  Our gaze met briefly and she gave me a quick thumbs up.   I called her over with a gesture of my head and she quickly came to my side at the railing.

"What's up?  Where's Q?" she asked.  She pulled her hair over one shoulder and leaned in for the last sip of my drink.

"Bathroom.  What the hell are we doing here?"

She grinned, her blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight.  Whatever was going to come out of her mouth next probably wasn't going to help.   At all.  "He's fucking hot, T.   He's famous and he seems pretty interested, girl."

I groaned and set my purse down.  "That doesn't help.  This...   It's not me.   I don't do this.   He's a... Ugh, such man whore."

She burst into laughter.  I glared at her but she waved her hand in front of my face to stop me.   "You're not doing anything.  And so what?  He doesn't know that you're little miss chicken shit.    It's time to step out of your little comfort zone.  Be somebody else for a night," she said, shaking my arms.   "But whatever you  _are_  doing to him right now  _is_  you tonight and he likes it.   I saw you two at the bar."  I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked at her, my brow creasing.    _Dammit, she was right._  I needed to get out of my own way and let myself have a little fun.  But something still gnawed at the back of my mind.

"Um...  And the whole man whore thing?"

She shook her head and looked over at the group of guys at the table she came from.  "What single, attractive guy isn't?"

I rolled my eyes, readily aware of what people would think, including myself.  I wasn't a floozy and I definitely didn't want that night to start any rumors.   I didn't want to be the topic of discussion because I decided to live on the wild side for once.  "I..." I began as my eyes caught Q walking onto the rooftop.

"I know what's going on in there."  She tapped my forehead with her index finger, forcing me to look at her again.   "Stop.  Right now.   You're thinking too much.  Just do what feels good for once in your life.  Who cares about the consequences right now?  There might not be any..."  Her brows wiggled.

"Liv!" I exaggerated her name in a groan and turned to look out over the edge.  She laughed again and faced the same direction.

"We probably won't see them again after this so let's make the most of it.  They're funny and they're cute."  She was right.   Q was cute.   _No.  He was hot_.  Not in a ripped, sexy movie star way but that was never my type to begin with.  He was thick, confident, delicious and he had a great sense of humor to top it off.   _Oh, and don't forget promiscuous._

"I'll just be another notch in what I imagine to be an extremely long belt."

She shrugged and became very nonchalant about the whole thing.   "So make him a notch in yours."  But I didn't have many notches, she knew that.  A thrum started in my bones and I watched her as she pushed off the counter when he walked over to us.  I took a deep breath when she left me, secretly, desperately willing her to stay.

"You weren't letting her talk you out of this, were you?" he asked.  He slid up to the rail and I looked him over while my heart raced in my chest.   All he wore was a simple black t-shirt paired with dark jeans, black work boots and it worked  _so_  good for him.  Effortless.  Like everything else about him.

"Talk me out of what?" I asked as I tucked my hair behind my ear.

His eyes followed my hand.  "Nothin'," he chuckled.

"In all honesty, she's a terrible influence," I confessed as I folded my arms over my chest.

His eyebrows raised with curiosity.   I watched the grin spread across his face and I had to turn away otherwise I might have done something I regretted.  "I think I like her," he joked.  I too smiled but I was trying to cover my shaking hands.   "So...  You're Louisiana, born and raised?"  He leaned his hip casually against the counter and peered down at me.   I found it hard to form any sort of sentence in my head.   _Just try, dammit.  You went to college for God sake_.

"Yes.  About two hours from here," I told him, looking out over the water.  The breeze smelled wonderful.  Felt good on my skin.  It gently flowed through my hair and cooled me off.  Kind of.

"Your accent is awesome, by the way," he said.  "Sometimes I can't understand what you're saying but I think I'm getting the hang of it.  I've never heard one like it before."

I laughed, "I get that a lot.  You're from up north?"

"New York.  Staten Island," he replied with a nod.  I relaxed a little bit.  My stomach was in my throat so I swigged my drink hoping to put it back where it belonged.   It was empty.    _Thanks, Liv_.

"Born and raised?" I mocked.

He laughed softly, grabbing my empty glass.  "Yes, as a matter of fact.  You okay?   You seem nervous."

I forced my own laugh that failed at making me feel any better.  "Nervous doesn't even begin to explain what's going on in my head right now."

"Because of what's going on here?" he asked.

I darted my eyes quickly to him, surprised he'd ask such a thing.  "There is nothing going on here."   My brow furrowed when he slid closer and leaned back against the counter.  He faced the patio while I faced in the opposite direction, staring out at the horizon masked by the night.

"I like you.  You've got to be  _the_ prettiest thing I've seen in a long time," he began.  He turned to me while his hand slid down the curve of my back.

I rolled my eyes.   "That's such a line."

"Tess," he began in all seriousness.   I shuddered with the way he said my name.   Velvet.   "Give me a taste of the  _real_  Louisiana tonight."

My brow wrinkled with confusion.  "What?"   I stared up at him innocently when suddenly, Matthews words flashed like a news ticker in my head.  My jaw fell open but that didn't stop my body from heating.   Against my will.  He smirked when he saw that I figured it out.  "U-um...  That's a little presumptuous, don't you think?"  My face flushed with unintentional fervor but I kept that to myself and managed to muster up the courage to shoot him an incredulous look.   I thought my tone was light enough to prevent myself from coming off too rude but I was still completely taken aback with what he was suggesting.

He shrugged and faced the water with me.  "When I see something I like, I go after it."

"You don't even know me," I shot back.  I tucked my hair behind my both of my ears that time before breaking eye contact.  My head was spinning and I had no idea where to go with the conversation after  _that_.

"I know enough," he replied quickly.   Confidently.  He was more cocky than I originally thought him to be.  Even though I'd picked up on that, I still couldn't tear myself away from him.

I laughed dryly.  "You're bad news."   I moved my head back and forth and locked my fingers together in front of me.

"Come on.  I can't be  _that_  bad if you're still here talking to me," he teased, nudging my elbow.

I looked over at him for a moment. "Okay.   In general, no, I don't think you're that bad.  But for  _me_  you are.  I don't just jump into bed with strangers if that's what you're getting at."

He removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair before placing it back.  Then he licked his lips. _Ugh_.  "I don't consider us strangers anymore."

"I do."

He laughed a little through gritted teeth.  "You're a sweet girl, Tess.   I knew that from the minute I laid eyes on you last night.  But why not live a little dangerously?  It might surprise you," he said huskily, pushing closer to move my hair away from my neck.

"I don't like surprises," I uttered.

"You might like this one.  C'mon, you won't make a special exception for me?" he asked. The question was meant to be harmless but I knew that was hardly his case.  I shivered and coiled away from his touch.

"'Fraid not, city boy.   Your charm may work with other women, but not me.   _Especially_  not me," I said softly.   _Yep.   Keep telling yourself that_.   My eyes slid up his masculine frame beside me before meeting his seductive gaze.  My heart beat in my ears and my body was buzzing with adrenaline.  And maybe something else.   _Desire, perhaps_ _?_   But he wouldn't be let in on that little secret of mine.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" he inquired.  I froze.   _He saw that?_

I shrugged to brush it off.  "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I guess I'm just gonna have to up my game then, aren't I?  You're a challenge, Tess.   I like challenges."  His voice was as soft as mine just was but easily more provocative.  Grinning, he inched closer.  I squirmed on the inside, my brain telling my feet to run far, far away from this man.  But something, something I was very upset with kept me firmly planted right in front of him.

"You're not my type," I fibbed, picking an ice cube from my glass.   _Smooth_.  I popped it into my mouth and moved it around before crunching down on it.

"I can be tonight.  You can't tell me that you don't feel the chemistry here, Tess."   _Please stop saying my name like that_.  Just then, Liv walked over with the rest of the guys who made up his circle of friends.  His hand disappeared from my back when he introduced me to everyone.  Officially.  Liv wiggled her eyebrows at me and I gave her a subtle shake of my head to let her know things weren't going to happen.  Not if I could help it.

"Is he bothering you?" Sal asked, swinging an arm casually around my shoulders.  I laughed at his lightheartedness and gave Q a smile.  But they had been friends for years so Sal had to know what he was up to.  Q licked his lips again and I felt my body heat rise a few more degrees.   _Shit.  Shit.   Shit.   Stop that._

"Eh.  He's not so bad."   I shrugged playfully and they all laughed.  I was going to have a hell of a time getting to sleep later with him on my mind.  Saying those things.  Suggestive, naughty things that stirred up thoughts I hadn't had in a very long time.  But I reminded myself he would be gone and I could forget about him and this whole disaster.  Liv grinned and tugged me from the group toward the bathroom.  I gasped when I saw my hair in the mirror.  The humidity was working fabulous magic on my curls after all.

"Okay, so what's going on?  Is he not all he's cracked up to be?" she asked.  She stood next to me, her arms crossed tightly and one brow raised.

I ran my hands over my face and looked at her. "He actually suggested I go home with him tonight."

She tossed her hands up and turned to straighten herself out in the reflection.  "You're a good girl, I know that.  God,  _everyone_  knows that.  But for fuck's sake, Tess!  You know you want to.  Hell,  _I_  want to!"

"I know!" I groaned and held my head in my hands.

"I just don't want you to regret not taking advantage of this, you know?  It's been a while for you and this is pretty much the perfect situation.  You've talked a bit, you like each other so get naked and he'll be gone by tomorrow.  You know it  _is_  alright for a woman to do what she wants for once.  Come on, let's get another cocktail and make some bad decisions," she laughed.

I dried my hands with the paper towel and tossed it into the trash, giving her another glare before shaking my curls out.  It was to no use.  The both of them.  My hair was going to get bigger no matter what I did to it and Liv was going to continue to insist on a one night stand with the guy.  We exited and sure enough, Q was already talking to another woman.  The way she fawned over him told me she was indeed the infamous fan girl and I laughed at the very thought of it.  He could say he didn't like it, but sex was sex no matter what type of woman it was.  His eyes met mine across the rooftop and I shook my head. _Preposterous._   I bellied up to the bar with Liv and she ordered a round of shots for everyone.  I needed another drink, too.

While we waited, I watched him out of the corner of my eye.  I could tell he was he was trying escape the conversation but his attempts were to no avail.  It made me grin to see him squirm for a change.  I grinned.  Wide.  Glancing down, I adjusted my shirt then crossed my legs and gathered my hair away from my neck to show him a little more skin.  I saw him falter a bit and he put an end to the conversation.  Rapidly.

He came back with a vengeance.  His hand slid onto the back of the stool I was seated in and rested his torso against my arm.   _God, he was close_.   I was pretty sure I could grab him and do whatever I pleased if I truly wanted to.  "So, Alivia," he began, breaking me from my thoughts.   I looked up at him and waited for him to continue.

"Please.  Call me Liv," she replied once she was all ears.  She stood across from the both of us with a sweet smile on her face.

"Liv then.  I need your advice on a particular predicament I seem to be in.  Tell me how to persuade your beautiful friend here to take me up on my offer," he said.  I swallowed hard.   _O h, this is not good_.

"Hey..." I warned and he only ignored me.

"Go on," Liv encouraged.  My hands gripped the edge of my seat.

"How can I convince her to let me show her a good time tonight?" he asked out of the blue.

My jaw dropped and my head instantly whipped my head in her direction.   I was shooting daggers at her head.   _Don't you freaking dare encourage him, Alivia._

She laughed wholeheartedly and touched my forearm.  "I think you're doing a great job, Q.  She can't stop talking about it, actually.  I'm doing my best to convince her too but she's being awfully damn stubborn tonight.  More so than usual."  She winked at me and my cheeks blazed with fire.  Half in utter shock and half in utter humiliation.

I wanted to scream at her.  Maybe even tackle her to the ground just to get her to shut up.  I really, really did.  I held my breath and prayed that everyone would just go away and leave me to die of embarrassment, alone.  Q's hand slid beneath my hair where the pad of his thumb made slow circles on the back of my neck and my body tightened instantly.   The bartender interrupted, thankfully, and placed the shots in a line in front of us.

Q held his up and his deep, brown eyes were on me.  "Relax, Tess.  Here's to tonight.  Wherever it may take us."  He too winked at me and everyone hollered cheers before tipping back the cool liquor.

I shivered when the liquid settled and set my shot glass back on the bar.  He watched me wipe the dribble from my lower lip and I stopped when a smile crept onto his face.   "What?" I asked innocently.   I moved my hands over the rest of my face to make sure there was nothing else there.

He shook his head and reached up to brush his knuckles over my chin.   I inhaled and sat completely still.  I couldn't move.  "Missed a little.  That's all."  He slid his hand from my neck and turned away.

The small group that surrounded us just moments ago was headed back to the table and we were alone again, aside from the bartender.  An awkward silence fell and I shifted in my chair.  I could have kicked myself.  This beautiful specimen of a man was asking to take me away from the busy club I despised to do what I was sure would be absolutely delectable and I was telling him no.  Absolutely not.  I was sure there were a ton of females who would be jumping at a night with him, but I still couldn't bring myself to cave.

"C'mon.  We can't see the river from here."  He nodded his head to the railing and I followed him reluctantly across the open space.  I felt the whiskey flow through my veins as he took me to the corner.  Much further from the crowd than we were before.

I crossed my arms when he reached our destination and took a deep breath.   "Look. Q..." I began as the breeze picked up and blew my hair into my face.  As I tried to gather it, his hands surrounded my waist and pulled it flush with his that quickly derailed my train of thought.

"Stop," he demanded.  And I did.  "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be giving me a really hard time about this."  I shut my mouth when maneuvered me against the railing.  His body pinned me in place and there was no escaping.   He moved his palms to my face, slid them into my hair and tipped my chin up.   It was a sweet gesture I didn't foresee happening.  "Just one kiss.  I have to- I  _need_  to see what those lips of yours feel like."

I swallowed back the protest because a huge part of me wanted to kiss him.  The other tiny bit knew it was going to be way too good and that was going to be the problem.   _Oh, fuck it_.  I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and my body went hot from the sound of his voice.  His confession.  His scent.  And his mere vicinity.  He wet his lips and I found myself doing the same before his mouth crushed over mine in slow, slow motion.  His kiss was needy, but entirely gentle at the same time.  Not forced. It was chivalrous.   Completely the opposite of the impression I'd gotten.  Until I tilted my head and parted my lips to welcome his tongue.  Heat rushed between my thighs when he leaned more of his weight into me.   My hands moved from his wrists and rested on his chest before I clutched his t-shirt. When I let out a soft moan, that was my cue to stop.

"Q," I breathed.  I'd broken the kiss but my hands still held onto his shirt like they never wanted to let go.  His lips were on my forehead and I brought my fingertips to mine.  They were buzzing delightfully with the fresh sensation.  I drug myself from him to look out at the river that sparkled in the moonlight and tried to catch my breath.   _Whoa.  That was better than you thought it would be_.  He stood quietly beside me while I snuck a glance at him and I noticed a haze in his eyes similar to mine.

"You'd be lying if you said that wasn't good," he murmured.   _Damn right I would be_.  I hadn't been kissed like that.  Ever.  I laughed softly and forced my acknowledgment.  I didn't want him to know that I was incredibly turned on but I was pretty sure I didn't have to say anything.  That thrum that had begun earlier was now going full force throughout my entire body.

"Okay.  You got me."  I folded.  Covered my face.  My cheeks burned for the hundredth time that night and I couldn't bring myself to look at him.  He was absolutely right.  I just didn't want to admit it.

His arms slid around on either side of me to align his chest with my back.  He leaned his mouth to my ear and that time I let him feel the shudder he drew.  "Come back to the hotel with me."  He tugged my hair away from my neck and I almost smiled.

"I'm not that kind of girl, Q."  I heard him groan in disapproval but he didn't move.

"Just you and me.  Our little secret," he said softly, his lips kissing the bare skin of my shoulder.    _I can't._

I closed my eyes to savor his touch.  "You're not my type," I muttered again.  It caused a laugh to escape him and he pushed me closer to the metal rail.

"You're an extremely difficult woman, you know that?"  He found my hand with his and covered it while moving his warm kisses up my neck.   I let my eyes flutter close for a moment as I leaned my head to the side, reveling in his touch.

"And you're nothing but trouble."  I felt him grin before his teeth nibbled at my ear.  I sucked in a breath when my skin became even more sensitive with his touch.  "I...  I should get going."  With my words, his body sagged behind me.  He turned me around but still kept me inside his grasp.

He brushed the hair from my eyes and let his fingers idle at my jaw before he spoke.  "You just got here," he whispered.

My knees buckled and I nodded in agreement.  "If I stay any longer, I'm afraid of what I might do."

"Don't be," he replied.  He covered my lips with his again and I melted just a little more.

"You're dangerous."

He quickly shook his head to deny it.  "I'm really not.  But tonight, I can be.  I'll be anything you want, pretty girl."

A groan escaped me and I pushed at his chest before I seriously took that into consideration.  "Not tonight, Q."  I couldn't let him in on the battle I was having with myself nor did I want to see the disappointment that might show in his expression.

"You're not serious, are you?" he asked.

I nodded and told him the only thing I could think of.  "I have studying I need to get done."

He licked his lips while he eyed me skeptically.  Then he accepted his fate.  "At least let me walk you out then," he said.  I was a little surprised he gave in so easily but then I thought he must have had someone on the back burner in case I didn't work out.  _Of course he did, he's sexy as hell_.  A pang of jealousy shot through me but I quickly reminded myself that I was the one saying no.

I nodded.  "I'd like that." I found Liv and the rest of the crew to say my goodbye's.  Her eyes grew wide when I told her I was leaving and I laughed to quickly stop her train of thought. "I  _am_  going home.  But I'm going  _alone_."

She mumbled something under her breath and shook her head in mass disapproval, then tugged me down for a moment.  "It's not going to kill ya, you know," she said as she squeezed my arm tightly.

I sighed and glanced over at him as he chatted with his friends.  "I know. I'll see you tomorrow."  I was never the one-night stand type and I wasn't about to start with Q just because he was famous and this might be a once in a lifetime chance.  At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I made my way to the other guys and said goodbye to them.  Even let them know what a good time I'd had.  Joe surprised me when he kissed my cheek and wished me a fast recovery.  My cheeks hurt by the time I was descending the stairs with Q in tow.  This was  _not_  going to end well.  No, it would end well but not with any sort of gratification.  Just a case of serious sexual frustration for the both of us. Only he wasn't going to know about mine.  It was going to be the truest test of my self control.  I'd already gotten a taste of him and I didn't know if I had the strength to stop myself if it happened again.  I surely knew I wasn't going to have sex with him in my truck and that was starting to make his hotel room sound a bit more appealing.

He slowed my gate down the sidewalk when he grabbed my waist.  "Where's the fire?" he asked.

I smiled sheepishly and let his arms slide around me.  "Sorry."  We walked a little further until I found the nerve to speak again.  "So...  Let me take a wild guess here.  You're only in town for tonight?"

"Well, I was in town last night.  Then I was in town tonight," he began in a playful manner.

So I pretended to glare at him.  "Smart aleck."

"You like it," he quipped.   _God, did I ever_.  The crowd was thinning but there were still an ample amount of bodies lining the streets.  As they brushed by, he tugged me closer to his chest.  It had to be going on at least two in the morning but that didn't mean the city was going to sleep anytime soon.

"It was nice meeting you, Q," I replied.

He let out a low growl.  I shivered. "Of course we leave tomorrow.  Seems to be just my luck."

I didn't want to find my truck just yet so I slowed a bit more.  "Superstitious?"

"No," he said flatly.  I raised my brow.  "Do you know how crazy you've made me tonight?"

I scoffed, "what?"

"In the best way possible, Tess," he said.   _Oh shit, there he goes again_.  He probably wasn't even aware that the way my name rolled off his tongue drove  _me_  wild.

My stomach dropped when I rounded the corner and saw my truck.  "Welp. This is me..."

"You really are country, aren't you?" he laughed.

"Uh, well, I guess," I said uneasily.  I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back against the cab.  She was my pride and joy.  Aside from my gun and the police cruiser I usually got to drive the rest of the time.

"Nice ride.  I like it.  I didn't picture you as a pick-up kinda gal," he continued.

"Like I tried to tell you before, Q.  You don't know me," I said and he grinned at my response.

"That doesn't mean I won't," was his retort.   _God, he was good_.  I was more self-assured before I decided to spend my evening with this man.  He had a way about him that stripped all of my confidence away to leave me a blundering mess.

I clamped my hand around my keys instead of replying and turned to unlock my door.

"Tess, wait."

I did.  I turned back to him and he was pulling his phone from his pocket.  "Q..."

"You have to give me your number.  I love New Orleans, I like  _you_ and I plan on coming back," he said. He was simple.  Laying it out there.  Maybe not  _all_.  Just some.

He stood less than a foot from me but I felt as if he'd already left the state. "You don't have to-"

"You  _are_  really stubborn, aren't you?"

My mouth was open but I shook my head in place of words.  That got a chuckle.  A chuckle that quickly faded when he kissed me again.  My back made a thud against the driver's side door when he pressed into me.  My keys fell, then he nudged my thighs apart with one of his own.  A soft groan left his lips while he stiffened against my hip.  My knees almost gave out.  I had an idea of what he might have been feeling all night, I just didn't think he would put it out there for me.   _You're so naive, Tess.  He's a man for god sake_.

His hands slid down my back and over my rear to push into me further.  I could all but wrap my thighs around him at that point.  It took all my might but I kept my hands lingering at his chest and my feet planted firmly on the ground.  It didn't stop me from moaning though.  "Ugh, Q."

"Tess..." he replied with hot breath against my lips.  I moved my hands up his neck and ended up unintentionally knocking his hat off.  He didn't waver, he only kissed me deeper.  His tongue darted against mine, then my lower lip until his teeth tugged on the tender flesh.  I wasn't entirely sure if he was trying to make me defenseless on purpose or not. He knew my decision but his mouth was wreaking havoc on my body as well as my mind.   _He has no idea how close you are to saying yes..._

"We have to stop," I whispered once I was able to part from him.  He groaned in utter objection but allowed the space between our lips and my inner voice cursed me.  Our bodies on the other hand, remained tightly pressed together.

"I don't want to," he muttered back.  I nodded with my forehead against his chin.  We both took a few moments to reel ourselves back in.  My hands rested on his hips while his were against the window behind me.

"I know."   _Go through with it, you idiot.  Tell him to get in the truck and take his ass back to wherever he's staying.  It'll be so worth it, mama_.  "If you still want my number, I think I'm willing to give that up now," I breathed.

He laughed but didn't put anymore space between us than he had to.  "Fuck.  Tess.  Yes, I still want it."

I had a feeling he was implying something different.  I laughed softly and ran my hands up his stomach to rest on his chest.  He took a deep, calming breath before he stepped back.  I tried my best to look away as he adjusted himself and reached for his phone.  He bent to pick up his hat while his fingers worked on the device.

"Sorry about that," I told him, gently reaching out to brush the dirt from the Yankees logo.

He gave me a sweet smile and handed his phone over.  "Just go ahead and put it right in there.  Then hit send."

"Why send?" I asked.  I glanced down and smoothed my own rumpled clothing when I realized my tank had been pushed up around my waist.

"In...  Case you change your mind about tonight," he said softly.  I nodded and punched my number in while I tried talking my head out of the carnal thoughts it was devising.  I was surprised I could remember my number at all.  "You do have a cell phone, don't you?"

And there he was, right back to teasing.  I shot him a glare.  "Yes."

He laughed and slid his hands onto my hips while I held the device in front of me.  "Just checking."  He leaned in, brushing his lips over my neck that made me almost powerless against him once more.

"There," I spoke softly.  I pressed the smartphone to his chest in my best attempt to stop him again.

He did stop to my surprise and took the phone back.  He looked at the screen, then eyed me skeptically.  "You're positive this is it?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

He shrugged.  "I have a feeling you're trying to get rid of me, pretty girl."

I laughed and moved my hands onto his rib cage.  "I am," I teased right back.

"Ah, yes.  Right.  You've got studying to do," he said mockingly.   _There's no way in hell you're studying tonight._

"Mm-hmm," I lied.  But that was all I could answer him with.  His lips hovered over mine, so close I could almost feel their softness.  Their desire to be on mine.  I gripped his sides and pulled him in for one more.  I couldn't get enough.  But I had to go.  I knew that was the right decision for me.  I was one hundred percent convinced until his mouth found my ear.  Goosebumps arose on my skin, causing my knuckles to go white as I hung onto his shirt.

"You have to come back with me," he whispered.  His words, the feeling of his breath, made me quiver.

I pressed my eyes shut.  "No."

He grumbled unhappily again and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.  "You're sure?"

"I am."  He felt good against me but I needed to get out of there.   _Not yet, Tess.  Don't be one of those girls.  He'll respect you more.  Haha, that's funny._ He was going to forget about me the minute I drove away.  He allowed me to climb into my truck and I was prepared to give him a quick smile and a wave, but he tapped on the window once I was inside. I rolled it down and looked at him with his arm perched on the sill.

"Positive?" he asked.  I laughed the instant I heard him and ran my fingers over his forearm.  "I'm kidding.  Kind of."  His chocolate eyes searched mine and I studied him for a moment.  Aside from all of the arrogance and assumptions he may have made about our meeting, his eyes had remained kind and sweet the entire night.

"Thank you for the drink tonight, Q.  And your company.  It was a pleasure meetin' you," I began.  He leaned up as his finger called me forward.  I smiled bashfully and dropped my eyes to my lap.

"One more.  Just one more," he murmured.

"One," I whispered.  I looked up and twisted in my seat to let our lips meet one last time.  I knew it would be the last.  He was famous.  He was leaving and he wouldn't be there in the morning to pick up where we left off.  After I would have been up all night thinking about him.  The things he would have done to me.  What I would have done to him if I'd given in.  When I would tell myself that he was a good decision.   _Fuck.  Not even a little bit of on top of the clothes action, Tess?  You're worthless._

"You sure you're okay to drive?  We could get a cab and-"

"I'm perfectly fine," I laughed as I stopped him where he was at.  I never got that second drink and his kiss had sobered the liquor right out of me.  Or maybe I was on a cloud.  I couldn't tell.  All I knew was that my body felt good.  And it was because of him.

"Goodnight, Tess," he said.  I stared back at him because my mind was hopping back and forth with serious consideration.  I don't think I'd ever wanted someone as badly as I wanted him at that moment.   _What is wrong with you?  You've barely known him a few hours._   And that counted the night before too.  I was exhausted with the battle between the angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.

I surely couldn't renege on him now.  I'd already told him no too many times.  He would think I was some kind of mental case if all of a sudden I had a change of heart.  My hand turned the keys in the ignition and I pulled out of the parking lot before I could change my mind.  Again.  Then maybe one more time after that.  He got smaller in my mirror and before I knew it, he was left in the dust as a distant memory.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I taste him and I realize I've been starving...

I gave it everything I had when I tried to forget about Q in the weeks that followed that night.  My normal routine had me somewhat focused on something other than getting naked with the man I'd only spent a very small amount of time with, but it still wasn't enough.  He never called, but that was expected.  We shared some pretty intense moments together kissing and he made me want to be a little adventuresome...  Made me want to do bad, bad things but I was entirely sure that was normal for him.  Not me.  I'd even composed a few messages but never found the guts to hit send.  The more I tried, the more I figured I had to be old news to him by that point.   _You snooze you lose, Tess_.

I tried to start dating, too.  I had an itch that desperately needed scratching but I couldn't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing.  There was only one guy who would cure that for me and I had no idea where he was, let alone if he even remembered me.   _Probably not.  You're a pretty big buzz kill_.  But I had to put myself back out there eventually.  For Liv.  She set me up with someone.  He was an old friend of hers from a previous job and she thought it would be good for me.  It might have been a silly whim, but I still hoped that I would get to see Q again.

The new guy, Ben, was good looking, nice and kind of funny.  There was still something missing.  He had dark hair, blue eyes and a slim build.  Not enough to grab onto.  At least for me.  I wanted substance.  Girth.  Not someone I could break in half like a freaking twig.  I had to bite the bullet because we seemed to have an okay time together the few times we'd gone out and I didn't have the nerve to tell him he was too skinny.  I made the decision to see where it would go.   _It couldn't hurt, right?  Maybe you'll learn to like him because brown-eyes is long gone.  History._

It was early May when night had set in.  Ben pulled into my gravel driveway and put the car in park. We'd just eaten downtown and the awkward goodbye closed in again.  I'd managed to keep it strictly platonic the first three dates so I knew he was going to want something more before I got out of his vehicle.   _Shit_.

"Thank you for dinner, Ben.  It was wonderful as always," I said to him, clasping my purse on my lap.

He shut the car off and turned to me.  "It's always a pleasure, Tess.  I really like spending time with you," he replied with a genuine smile.  I watched as his hand slid across the center console and onto my knee.  "How about a night cap?"

I tensed and moved my leg away from his touch.  "Not tonight," I said quietly.  I heard him let out a frustrated breath and he retracted his hand.  I wasn't ready to go there with him.  I was still hanging onto that hopeless, completely unrealistic idea that I would hear from Q.  My not-so-mystery man.  I knew exactly what he wanted.  Three months had gone by and I still wanted it too, dammit and I mentally kicked myself for letting him get away.

"What is it, Tess?  Is it me?" he asked, gripping the steering wheel.  He pulled me from my daydream and I swallowed.

My lips parted as I tried to come up with a good answer.  "N-no, Ben.  You're great.  I just want to take things...  Slow," I stammered, chewing on the inside of my cheek after the words escaped me.  My statement was mostly true.  He was a complete gentleman and I did want to take things slow.

"Okay," he sighed.  "I just want to make sure we're on the same page."  He leaned over and placed a kiss on the corner of my mouth.

"Mm-hmm," I nodded absently before slipping out of the car.  It might not have been the right thing to do but I chickened out and let him believe we were feeling the same thing for one another.  I was sure we weren't even in the same book anymore.

"I'll get ahold of you tomorrow," he called out from his open window.  I waved and watched him back out of the drive before heading inside.

I walked onto the screened in porch since the night air was so comfortable and plopped down in one of my wicker chairs.  I kicked my flip flops off and let my hair down, scratching my scalp just as my phone rang beside me.  I figured it was Ben, giving it one last shot.  When I looked at the screen, it was a number that I tried not to memorize blinking across the display.  The instant it registered, I knew it was  _him_.  I never saved him to my phone.  I didn't want the temptation to start anymore lame messages to him.

"Hello?" I asked, pulling my knees to my chest.  My whole body trembled with an edgy feeling as the adrenaline rushed to my veins.

 

"Hey.  Tess?" he asked.  I remembered his voice instantly.  The way it sounded when he spoke into my ear, the way it felt to have his lips on my skin.  "This is Q.  I, um, we met a few months ago in New Orleans.  I'm the jerk who propositioned you at Wiggly's," he stammered.  I smiled, pushing my intimate thoughts aside.

"Hmm.  Propositioned?  Maybe you could refresh my memory," I teased.  I listened to him laugh and it made me grin even wider.  That all over grin that made me squirm.   _Oh shit, Q_.  I made a mental note that I had to stop swearing.  The memories of scorching moments we spent together came flooding back into my mind.  Not that they left there too often.  My body heat rose higher in response to hearing his voice again.

"I'd rather do that in the flesh," he chuckled.  "How are you, Tess?"

My cheeks blazed with fire.  "I'm good, Q.  I didn't think I'd hear from you," I said quietly, looking out at the moon's reflection on the water.  I tried to get my heartbeat under control but it was to no avail.  I couldn't keep it together around him no matter what I did.  And he wasn't even standing in front of me that time.

"I seem to remember giving you my number too, pretty girl," he said.  There was some background noise that he talked over and I wondered, just for a moment, what his life was like.  Hectic?  Crazy?  Did he get any sleep?  Any privacy?

"Ah.  I totally forgot about that," I joked as I got up out of my chair.  I paced across the wood planks that covered the porch while he was silent for a few moments following.  "To be honest with you, I didn't have the nerve."

He laughed with me and cleared his throat.  "Why not?"

I couldn't tell him the truth.  It might, no...  No, it wouldn't hurt his feelings.  I was just an object to him.   _Why did you say that again?_   "I don't know.  The words never found me."

He was quiet and there was more shuffling.  I walked outside toward the fire pit where crickets chirped around me and I had to laugh at the irony.  "Sorry about that.  Just trying to get settled in here," he began.   _Why is he calling you anyway?_

"No worries."

"So, listen.  The reason I'm calling is because I've got some time off and I was wondering if I might be able to take you out," he said.   _Oh, that's why_.  I thought I heard his voice shake just a little.  That was not like the guy I kissed that night.  He sounded nervous, much less like the cocky persona he'd put on before.  I smiled but his call couldn't have come at a worse time.  Not when I was about to give Ben a chance.   _That's usually how things work, Tess._

"You're sweet for calling, Q," I began to say, rubbing my forehead.

"There's a but in there, right?" he asked.  I heard disappointment in his voice and it made me feel even worse.

"Well, no.  I mean, I've...  Kinda been seeing someone.  It's not serious or anything like that, I just..." I trailed off as I paced more, cursing at myself when the words rolled off of my tongue.  I could have just left it alone and he wouldn't have known a thing.

"Ah, I gotcha."  He cleared his throat again but didn't delve into it anymore.  I sat down at the patio table, then quickly rose again because I was unable to stay still.  "Well, Sal and I were headed down there this weekend anyway.  We didn't get to do much last time with work and all, so maybe we could just hang out?  Bring Liv along?" he asked.  The disappointed tone remained but I could hear a little hope, too.

I grinned and jumped around in the grass, keeping silent while I did so, then quickly collected myself.  "Yeah, I think we could do that."

"Good.  Sal wanted to check out some of the stuff downtown during the day on Saturday but we didn't have anything planned for the evening..."

"We could meet up.  Do dinner or something.  There's more than a few great places on the water we could eat.  Whatever you want to do."  I smacked my hand to my forehead to stop myself from babbling.

I heard a low chuckle from his end and I involuntarily rubbed my calves together.   _I want you to put your hands on me_ , is what I really wanted to say.  "Yeah, that sounds nice.  We'll figure it out, pretty girl.  I'll give you a call when we get in?"

The line was silent again for a few moments before I realized that was a question.  "Oh! Yes, do that.   We'll be around," I muttered.

"I'm looking forward to it.  Talk to you in a few days."

"Talk soon," I sighed and hung up.  Then I flopped into a chair.  I pressed my phone against my chin and let my mind reel in what had just occurred.   _What are you going to do?_

*

I barely slept that Friday night but I still managed to get out of bed spunky the next morning.  Liv and I had breakfast and watched TV together before we decided make ourselves presentable.  I wasn't exactly sure when Q and Sal would get in so I wanted to be prepared for whatever was going to happen, whenever it was going to happen.  If anything at all.  I slid into a pair of jeans and another loose fitting tank before drying my hair.  My curls were falling nicely and I hoped that they managed to stay that way throughout the night.

As if he read my mind, my phone rang from the bathroom counter.  "Hey," I said breathlessly, flipping my head back over from diffusing my curls.

"Am I interrupting something?" Q asked amongst a laugh.

I heated immediately and had to fan myself.  "Kind of," I teased.

"Sweetheart," he breathed huskily.  I bit down on my lip and closed my eyes.   _Don't do that to me_.

"I was just drying my hair," I quickly added to keep my mind, as well as his, out of the gutter.  Wasn't going to do any good.  I walked back into my bedroom to smooth some lotion over my skin.  "Where are you guys?"

"Just walking around.  Checked out a couple museums and the aquarium.  What are you ladies up to?"

"Liv's downstairs getting ready and well...  I was drying my hair," I told him before I slipped into my flip flops and walked back to my bathroom.

"Right, you did tell me that, didn't you?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm.  I'll be ready soon.  You guys still want to grab a bite to ear or something?"  I leaned over the counter to get closer to the mirror and made sure everything was in place.  My tank dipped just low enough to show a small amount of cleavage, just enough for my comfort.

"Most definitely.  I can send you our location when you get close if you want," Q added.

My brow pulled together like he'd talked gibberish.  "Huh?"

"Oh.  That's right, no smartphone.  We're still by the aquarium.  You wanna plan on meeting near there?  You can show us a good place to eat," he said and I was nodding along with him like an idiot.

"Sounds good.  There are a lot of great places there, scope it out and we can decide when we get there," I told him.  We hung up and I put the finishing touches on myself.

_There, that wasn't so bad, was it?_   I chewed on my lip and stared at myself in the mirror.  My cheeks were sun-kissed, drawing out a few of my hidden freckles and my hair looked soft, touchable and my chestnut eyes seemed to have a new sparkle to them.  I didn't look half bad.  One last dab of perfume to my wrists and I headed downstairs to find Liv.

We decided on an oyster bar right on the water where we enjoyed a few drinks on the outdoor patio.   The night was cooling off just a little, enough to stop me from overheating.  Q sat next to me while Sal and Liv laughed over stories they told one another.  Q's hand was on my knee that I'd crossed toward him and I was finishing my third cocktail.

"Should we order?" Liv asked once she tore herself from her conversation.

I nodded and smiled, inhaling the same scent I'd remembered like the back of my hand from months ago at Wiggly's.  He didn't wear cologne, it was just him.  His soap, his shampoo, something. And it was perfect.   _Ugh_.  "Yep," I said, tipping my glass toward her.

She ordered a round of appetizers before we headed onto the next place.  Since we didn't have an exact plan in mind, we just started walking wherever our feet would carry us.  Liv and Sal kept ahead and I knew exactly what she was up to.  I felt like I was seventeen again with a huge crush on the popular guy at school.  I stopped at a street vendor and browsed over the various trinkets.  I'd looked at the stand before but I was usually on duty so I only had a few minutes to spare.  Now that I had the time, I took it.  As I leaned in to get a better look at some jewelry, I felt Q's hand slide onto my hip.  My knees wavered and I sucked in a breath at the contact, straightening only to find his chest against my back.

"So, you said you've been to New Orleans before?" I asked as I spun around to face him.  I was expecting a verbal response, instead I got his lips crushing mine.  My hand instinctively went around his neck and welcomed him before I knew what was happening.  He tasted of delicious beer and spice and I craved more even though there was something gnawing at the back of my mind.   _Fuck_.  Ben.  I hadn't ended things with him.  "Q," I exhaled, tearing my lips from his.  I rested my forehead against his shoulder and gathered my wits.

"I can't stop thinking about your lips, Tess," he murmured.  His hand slid up and down my back and hugged my frame closer.

"I...  Q, there's...  Something I need to take care before I can do this," I confessed.  I closed my eyes tight and mentally kicked myself.   _Why are you such a coward?  And why didn't you call Ben to break it off?_

"You said it wasn't serious."  He grabbed my shoulders and pulled away to look at me.  I bit my lip when I met his intense gaze, intense enough to make me utterly defenseless.

I shoved the feeling aside and held his beautiful, brown eyes.  "It's not.  But I still wouldn't feel right."  I knew it was a line.  Another escape from this situation.   _You have mental problems, Tess_.

"He's not here," he said as a matter of fact.  I clamped my mouth shut because he had a point.  Ben  _wasn't_  there and I didn't want him to be.  I didn't want him.  He was the last thing on my mind aside from needing to end whatever he thought we had before I got naked with Q.

"You're a celebrity.  You've probably got a different girl in every ci-" was all I got out before his lips claimed mine again.  I was fucked, royally because I had no control with this man.  He wouldn't allow it whether he knew of my weakness or not.  My hands slid up his chest to the back of his neck to let him know I wanted more.  It was silly, but after pining over someone for three months really did something to a person.  I'd dreamt about him, more than once and each one was more realistic than the last.  "Q," I breathed again between embraces.  I was sure people were gawking but I couldn't be bothered.  He was delicious and alluring and he wanted  _me_ of all people.  Maybe just for that night.  Or only because he was visiting New Orleans, I didn't know.   _Do you care, honestly?_   I was beginning not to.  It wasn't until I heard Liv's distinct whistle that we parted from one another.  I buried my face into his chest to hide the heat on my cheeks.

"Should we take this back to the house?  Hmm?" she joked.  I swallowed and collected myself from the sidewalk.

"Nope.  We're good," I quickly replied.  I was surprised with myself.  Then I did another mental kick in the ass and quickly moved away to stand on my own.  "Where to now?"

*

It was just past midnight when I decided I needed to get away from him.  Not that any part of my body agreed to that but my conscience had other ideas.  Ben was flashing through my head at regular five minute intervals and it was taking my attention away from the skeeball game we were trying to play. Q wasn't being overzealous.  He'd touch me in the smallest, most discreet and innocent way possible so that no one would know other than the two of us.  It was driving me mad and since I still wanted to remain a respectable human being, we headed back to my truck.  Liv and Sal hung back again to give us more unneeded privacy and it was only a disaster waiting to happen.

"When can I see you again?" he asked as he pinned me to the driver's side door.  I bit my lip and leaned my head back before letting out an exasperated breath.  I let his lips travel over my skin even though I should have stopped him the moment he started.

"Fuck.  Me," I groaned out loud.  Sure, I would have liked him to but the expression in that moment was meant to alleviate some of the frustration I held inside.

I think he understood because he laughed against my neck.  "You're telling me."  He pressed his rigid body into mine once more and it took every ounce of self control not to put my hands on him.  All of him.

"I would love nothing more than to take you home with me, Q, trust me.  It's not just the other guy..." I said.  Again, I surprised myself with the honest words coming from my lips.  "You're way out of my league and I'm not so sure I could live with myself knowing it'd only be a one time thing."

"Who said it would only be one time?" he replied and I fought not to roll my eyes.

"One day you might convince me.  I'll almost put money on it but not tonight," I whispered.  I wrung my hands together in an attempt to keep them to myself because it took almost everything to not touch him.

"Do what you need to do, pretty girl."  He kissed the tip of my nose just as Liv and Sal joined us again.

"Care for a drink back at the house?  We're only twenty minutes from here.  You guys are more than welcome to stay," Liv interjected and I all but tore her head off with my glare.   _Seriously?_ Was she trying to make my life a living hell?

"We've already got a room at the hotel just down the block, but thank you for the offer," Sal said. _Thank heavens, Sal.  Thank you._

I breathed a sigh of relief not too obvious to anyone but Q, who was still in my personal space.  I heard him grumble under his breath and I reserved my snicker.  That would have been downright mean.  It had been a long time since I'd been with anybody and I was determined to have all my ducks in a row before going there with him.  I wanted nothing holding me back even though I knew it would end badly once it happened.  He was way out of my league.  He lived in New York and I was a nobody from a small town down south.  And I was putting way too much thought into something that would only last an evening.

And what I'd told myself before was true- if I got more of that delicious taste in my mouth that was him, I most definitely wasn't going to be satisfied with just once.  I needed a cold shower- no, scratch that, ice bath was more like it to calm the urge.  I felt like a damn pubescent teenager again with all of the lust I held for that man and I was up shit's creek.

"Goodnight, you guys," Liv called as we headed home.  I waved at Q and started the truck up.  His stare was hell-bent on making me feel horrible for leaving him again.  The pressure was almost unbearable.  My world was caving in around me and I couldn't think of anything other then shooting Ben a text when I got home.

As soon as I walked in the door I started the message.  Liv went about her night and I plopped down at the island.

_We need to talk,_ was what I sent him.  I set my phone down and grabbed a water from the fridge.  The reply came a little too quick.  I pursed my lips and stared at my cell on the counter for a moment.  I didn't think he'd still be awake.  He wasn't much of a night owl, I'd learned.  I took a quick sip as my thumb flipped my phone open.  It wasn't Ben.

Q:  Hope you got home safe.  Thanks for tonight.

My heart pounded in every limb.   _Was he for real?_   I didn't expect anything more from him after the lackluster goodbye we shared a half hour ago.

_You're welcome but there's no need to thank me.  I had a good time._

Q:  I wish I would have asked you to hang out with me some more.  Sal left to go meet up with some friends.

_How come you didn't go?_

Q:  Eh, not in the mood to party.

_Why not?_

Q:  Because I can't stop thinking about you.  I would have been lame company.

My stomach dropped.  My hands began to shake and I almost dropped my phone.

_You're not lame._

Q:  What are you doing?

_Sitting in my kitchen._

Q:  That's all?

_What, not as exciting as you'd hoped?_

Q:  Haha.  How far did you say you lived from New Orleans?

_Twenty minutes._

Q:  What would I have to do to get you to come back out here?

I didn't respond.  I couldn't.  My trembling fingers wouldn't function.  I shot up from the stool and darted down the hallway to Liv's bedroom.  She looked up from her phone when I reached the doorway in a rush.

"He wants me to come back," I blurted as I grabbed the frame to steady myself.

She shrugged.  "So go."  She was completely nonchalant with her reply and that made me a little crazy.  I even saw a little smirk on her lips when she threw her cell down and tugged her shirt off.

"That's it?  Just go?" I scoffed.  I crossed my arms over my chest while cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Yep.  It's simple, isn't it?" she teased.  I glared at her and chewed on my lip as I thought about what to do.  What I  _wanted_  to do.

Ben hadn't responded and I knew he wouldn't until morning.   _We need to talk_  was never good so maybe, just maybe he would get the hint and I wouldn't have to explain myself.  Maybe I was already off the hook.  At least I could believe that much since I was seriously considering hopping back into my truck to go to Q.

I took a deep breath.  "Okay then."  And with that, I walked back into the kitchen to Q's last question.  I tapped my fingers on the counter and watched the cursor blink on the screen, just waiting for me to type something clever.  Witty.  Sexy. Then I laughed out loud at myself.  That wasn't going to happen.

_I'm on my way._

I slipped back into my flops after freshening up in the bathroom and my nerves continued to go haywire every second of the drive back into the city.  I couldn't believe I was going through with it.  My head acted out various scenarios of what might happen when I arrived, most of them involved taking our clothes off and I was finally okay with that.  Ben was the last thing on my mind.  It was over.  A thing of the past.  We'd barely even kissed so what was I so worried about in the first place?  I wasn't committed.   _Dammit, Tess.  Do you know how much fretting you could have saved yourself if you thought about it that way earlier?_   I shook my head and took the exit to their hotel.  I knew right where they were staying.  I knew the city like the back of my hand thanks to getting transferred to different police districts in the five years I'd put in.

When I parked in front of the inn, I took my phone out to let him know I arrived.  There were butterflies circling in every crevice of my gut.  The wings brushed the inside of my stomach and I desperately willed them to calm down before I could move.  I was nervous enough as it was.  I didn't need one more thing getting in the way of forming an intelligent sentence once I was in front of him.  Alone with him.

_What room?_

He responded lightning fast with the number.  I left my purse and locked up before heading inside.  I smiled anxiously at the clerk before slowly moving down the hall.  It was a small hotel.  One of the original buildings in New Orleans.  Red walls and dark carpet gave it a little creepy factor but I had to remind myself that it was part of the town's history.   _Why are you thinking about this right now?  Move your ass_.

Before I could knock, his door whooshed opened.  I stood in front of him, a bundle of anxiety waiting to explode.  "I thought you changed your mind," he smiled, stepping back to make room for me to enter.

"Sorry.  There was traffic," I replied.   _No there wasn't.  It's one in the morning._   The reality of it was that I had taken a few minutes too long trying to talk myself into going back out.

He laughed softly and shut the door behind me.  "Can I get you a drink?" he asked.

I turned to him with seriousness in my expression.  "Q, I know you didn't ask me here for a drink," I said softly, tossing my keys onto the desk.  His eyes bore into mine as we stood just two feet apart.  I took notice that he'd gotten more comfortable since we parted ways.  His shoes were off and he'd changed into a t-shirt rather than the button up he wore earlier.  There was an absolute, undeniable ease about him.  Delicious and so effortless.  He didn't even have to try.  I'd realized that before.  He was incredibly sexy and I knew he wasn't aware of what he was capable of doing to me.  But that was my own fault.  I never let him in on that fact.

He smiled again and removed the space between us.  One of his hands slid onto my hip while the other cupped my cheek to lift my chin.  His touch was warm and intoxicating, inviting me that much closer.  My chest brushed against his and I felt my nervousness begin to disperse.  His palm moving to the back of my neck finally brought our lips together in a slow, sensual kiss.  His beard rubbed my chin and his mustache did the same just above that, causing my senses to come alive.  My body relaxed when he spread his hand over the small of my back to bring us closer together.  I willed my own hands to respond and they moved to his shoulders, grasping a fistful of the soft fabric.  I bumped into the television behind me when the embrace heated and we both laughed quietly.  Then it was right back to business.

"Tess..." he whispered.  Softly.  Longingly as his grip moved to my backside.  It fit easily into his palms as he hoisted me around his waist.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him even harder, using just the very tip of my tongue to part his lips.  He groaned at the light sensation and my legs tightened instinctively around him.   _God, he felt good_.  My body thrummed with excitement and anticipation and we hadn't even made it to the bed yet.  I recalled my thought from earlier, about how if I allotted myself a taste of him, one time was not going to be enough.  That was proving very, very true up to that moment.

The mattress dipped when he crawled toward the head to lay me back on the pillows.  The cheap comforter was rough underneath me but I couldn't have cared any less.  He was between my thighs, right where I had dreamed of him being so many nights, placing kisses over my skin that the loose tank bared to him, then I gently removed his hat to get my fingers on his enticing head of hair that was calling my name.  It was shaggy and a little bit messy but the look worked for him.  Added to his appeal.  To me and I was sure to many, many other women out there.

"Q..." I moaned as I closed my eyes.  I let his lips inflict complete chaos over my body as my temperature began to rise, getting hotter by the second.  His hands that held him above me gave way to the desire to touch me.  He rested more of his weight on top of me when he began the exploration.   It started at my face where he placed gentle kisses and slowly began to maneuver down.  My neck was the next place he assaulted.  Tactfully.  There was a soft nip from his teeth before he dipped a little lower.  My chest rose and fell with increasing fervor the closer he got.

"You are beautiful," he said quietly as he tugged the V of my tank to get a better taste.

I almost rolled my eyes.  Instead, I snickered softly.  I didn't need his sweet talking.  It was nice but I wanted him to take charge and do whatever he pleased.  I'd be pretty set on on having my way with the someone who made it incredibly hard to get there in the first place.  Seize the moment, I would tell myself.  That and I'd go through hell before I let anything get in the way of it once it was finally happening.

I felt his smile and a little snicker from him followed.  "Something funny?"

"No."  I shook my head and refocused.  His lips found my neck again as his hand slipped beneath my shirt.  A small gasp escaped me when the slight contact was made.  He grazed his knuckles over my taut stomach before gripping my hip.  Any other time, I would have been ticklish but I wasn't in the least bit at that moment.  I simply wanted more.

He leaned to the side and I immediately protested the distance.  Our bodies were still touching but I wanted his hips between mine.  Completely.  I slid my leg over his waist to bring him back and that's when I felt his excitement move against my groin.  I shivered and suddenly everything became real.  I wasn't dreaming anymore.  It was happening.  Just a few layers of clothing separated us and something absolutely carnal came over me the instant I realized it.  My hands gripped his hair at his scalp and I pulled his mouth back to mine.  Then I moaned when his touch was finally hovering over the thin fabric of my bra.

"Yes," I hissed, drawing out the word to let him know I was greatly appreciative.  While he continued to familiarize himself with my body, I slid one hand between us to work at his belt.  My heart beat increased.  Then it went a little bit faster when the leather easily came undone and hung loose against my thigh.

"Tell me what you want, Tess," he murmured against my neck. He'd snuck his way into my bra and his warm palm was flush with my breast.

"I...  Just...  Ugh.  Everything you're doing is perfect, Q," I stammered before I rolled my hips along his thickening arousal.  He shuddered and stilled, but I took that as a good sign so I continued.  I ground myself against him and arched into his grasp.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he coerced again.  My head was whirling, spinning and going utterly mad with his words.  I didn't know how much longer I could wait to be naked with him.

"Take my clothes off," I begged.  Then he groaned and it had to be the sexiest sound I'd ever heard from a man.  And it was because of me.   _Fucking hell_.

"Good start," he grinned.  His hips left mine again and I whined softly.  But he only knelt between my legs to sit me up and strip my shirt from my body.   _Okay.  That'll work_.  And I was suddenly glad I coordinated my underwear that day.  My black bra contrasted with my tanned skin and I think he appreciated the look of it.  A slew of curse words followed from his delicious, wicked mouth that I ached to feel on my body.

"Fuck me, Tess.  You are so hot," he uttered.  I blushed a little bit and smiled at him when I laid back again.  He paused for a moment, running his strong hands up the outside of my thighs when his eyes found the ink on my skin.  He leaned closer and let out another growl of approval.   "And this, baby. This is even sexier.  I had no idea..."  His fingertips traced the paragraph that started just below the band of my bra and ended at the bottom of my rib cage.  I arched again when he dragged his touch over my stomach to the button on my jeans.

I lifted my hips and he worked the pants easily from my legs.  He threw them over his shoulder and bent to place his mouth between my breasts.  My hands found his hair again and I let him travel wherever he pleased.  I wanted him to.  After all of the denial I had thrown in his direction, I was ready to be ravaged by him.  I trembled because of the intimate touch and shivered because of the vast difference of my body temperature compared to the room's.  It was almost too much to bear and we hadn't even gotten to the good part.

"Your mouth is amazing, Q," I managed to say when he nuzzled closer to my chest.  Nimbly, he pulled back the fabric to expose more skin.  I gasped when his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud.  Heat swelled between my thighs and I almost cried out.  Almost.  I held it in not to distract him.  I didn't want him to stop.   _Oh God, please don't stop_.

"Just you wait," he grinned.  He nipped playfully on the opposite breast before he sat up.   My walls quivered with the very mention of what I  _thought_ he was getting at.   _You can do this, Tess.  You've been imagining him there for months_.  Again, his fingers wreaked havoc on my skin.  I arched and writhed underneath the delicate contact and almost found myself begging him once more.  But I managed to refrain and simply enjoy the pleasure that was gaining strength.

"Q," I said breathlessly, pressing my head back into the pillow.  "That...  It's..." was all I could get out before my panties were stripped away.

"Fuck me," he groaned.  "One surprise after another."  I opened my eyes to look at what he was gaping over.  Then I laughed and fell into the pillow with a serious blush on my cheeks.  "It's always the quiet ones..."

I covered my eyes bashfully with my hand.  Okay, maybe I'd gotten a wax when I found out he was coming into town.  Just in case.  Not my first but I was glad someone else got to appreciate it for a change.  He was quiet and I felt him settle.  His breath was hot.  Teasing.  His beard tickled my inner thighs and I found myself completely submitting to him.

"What do you want me to do with you?" he asked and I writhed some more.

"I...  I want your mouth..." I panted, pushing the hair from his eyes.

"You want my mouth...  Where?" he probed as his hands slid under my thighs.

I gritted my teeth.  "Q..." I warned.

"Tell me, Tess.  Tell me what you want me to do to you," he continued.  His lips moved over the crevice of my thighs and I whimpered again.

"I..." I began.  I wasn't sure if I could really tell him what I wanted at that exact moment.  My timid nature was impeding the sensual words that wanted to pour from my chest.   _Tell him, dammit!  He's not going to stay there forever!_   "I...  I want your mouth on me.  Here," I whispered as I trailed my fingertips between my thighs.

"That's it, baby.  Don't be shy," he told me as he teased his way to my core.  I was still going to remain shy no matter what he said.  I just told him what I did out of pure lust.  No one had ever elicited that kind of admission from me.  No man ever made me feel comfortable enough to do so.  Not until that moment.  That was something I'd take to my grave.  I could have sworn I was almost there before he even so as much as touched me.  He parted me ever so gently and his tongue expertly found  _the_  spot. Right away.  There was no hesitation or guessing on his part and the teasing was long gone.  He was on a mission.   _Yep, he's got experience_.  Numerous partners before me that I fought hard to not think about.  I didn't want to picture him with anyone else while he was between my legs.

"Oh...  Shit," I moaned as the fire blazed with full force under the slow onslaught of his wet, seasoned tongue.  "Q..."  My breathing became more frantic the more I tightened.  I couldn't help myself.  His hair was a mess because of my greedy hands and his beard was driving me absolutely wild.  It was coarse, a sensation that was the complete opposite of his mouth.  No wonder women swooned over him.

I was lost in the moment, completely disoriented due to the sensations he brought on when the door flew open and three men stumbled in.  Torn violently from that incredible moment, I scrambled to cover myself even though they appeared to be completely oblivious to what was unfolding on Q's bed.  His frame instantly canvased mine to salvage  _some_  part of my dignity and he hollered at them.  I couldn't make out exactly what it was.  Something along the lines of  _get the fuck out_ , which only seemed appropriate.

Drunken banter ensued and I knew it wasn't going to be good.  I was swollen, aching for release and it surely wasn't going to happen for me that night.  Not after seeing Sal draped between the two other men and flopped onto the bed.  Q helped find my clothes and acted as a barrier so I could get dressed while he continued to scold them.   _How fucking humiliating is this?_   I laughed to myself but truly felt like bursting into tears.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  Not after I'd pushed him away so many times.  It was supposed to be an incredible night of wonderful satisfaction and sexual gratification.

"What's up, Q?" one guy said boisterously as I tugged my pants up.  My shirt was barely in place by the time the next sentence came.  "Aw, shit man.  Sorry for the interruption...  I see you two were just getting started."

My face was beet red and I needed an escape.  Like, yesterday.  Q was still holding them off as I finished buttoning my jeans.  My hair was probably a mess but I couldn't possibly worry about that. Not at that moment.  I happened to glance at Sal, who was face down in the other bed before I grabbed my keys and darted out of the room.  More laughter erupted once I was out.  They must have been laughing at my expense.  Fantastic.  I kept my head down and hidden as I scurried to the exit.  Of course something like that would happen to me.   _You should have fucking known better.  Everything you want is too good to be true.  Did you forget about that, Tess?_

I fumbled horribly with my keys once I reached the truck, probably resembling a crazed maniac to anyone who still remained on the street.  That was another fleeting thought as I shoved the key into the door.

"Tess..."  I heard behind me, but that voice only made me move faster.  I was too embarrassed to face anyone.  Even Q.

"I-I'm sorry.  I have to go," I mumbled as I finally got the damn door open.  I threw myself into the truck and shook as I tried to put the key into the ignition.

He was chuckling softly when his jog came to a halt at my window.  "Why are  _you_  apologizing?  Fuck. _I'm_  sorry.  I didn't know they were going to be back so soon."

"It's okay," I breathed.   _No, it really wasn't_.  I finally got the engine turned over and put her into drive.

"No, it's not.  But no one saw anything, okay?" he said.  Then I laughed at him.  Dryly.  He wasn't the one naked from the waist down just three minutes ago.  I was pretty sure  _someone_  saw  _something_  judging by the stranger's last comment.

"I..." I began, but I couldn't continue.   _I'm humiliated, Q.  Don't you see that?  I have to get out of here.  I can't show my face around any of you ever, ever again_ , was what I wanted to say.

"Nobody saw anything, Tess," he reiterated.  I brought my eyes hesitantly to his when he said my name.  "None of them would still be conscious if they did."  His expression turned sincere and my heart began to pound in my chest when a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.  "They're drunk.  Sal's passed out and I know the chance of us continuing this has gone out the window..."  My eyebrows shot up.  "...For tonight.  But the little taste you gave me is just the beginning.  There's no way we can't finish this."

My mouth went dry and my clammy hands gripped the steering wheel just a little bit harder.  I liked the thought of it but I was one-hundred percent sure I was going to be way too ashamed of myself to see him again.  I hardly knew Q, let alone Sal and the other two bodies that clearly just saw me half naked.

"Goodnight, Q," was all I mustered up in reply to his suggestive admission.   _Please just let me go_.  He retracted his grip on my door and stepped back.  I saw a hint of disappointment on his face when I shut him out.  He slid his hands into the pockets of jeans, that happened to still be undone and I took a deep breath.   _Drive away,_ I told myself.  I felt like a fool.  I didn't know why, well no, I did know why but I didn't want to deal with it yet.  My tires skipped over the dry pavement as I drove out of my parking spot.

_Holy fucking shit, Tess_.  Why the hell did I go to him in the first place?   _You said it yourself, he's bad news_.  I knew that much, but I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted him.  Irrevocably.  And he knew that now.  I thought.  My body was suffering from his absence since I'd leapt into bed with him and allowed him between my legs.  After the tension became too much for me.  I needed an outlet and sleeping with him would have been the only way to relieve it.  And only the beginning.  Just like he said.   _Why didn't you think this through more?  He could have come back to the house...  No interruptions there._   I pounded on the steering wheel as I hit the entrance ramp to the highway.

I wasn't even sure I would be able to tell Liv about this one.  Sure, I was embarrassed and shit happened but it took a big chunk of my self-respect down with it.  I prided myself in being together all the time.  Proper.  Ladylike.  That was hardly the case any longer it seemed.  I gave in, just once to something that I really, really wanted and ripped right out from underneath me before I could fully enjoy myself.  And him.   _You're so stupid._ Those words played over and over in my head as I drove home.  That's the exact reason I always played everything safe.  I never took chances like that.   She'd tell me to calm the fuck down.  It wasn't a big deal, she would say.  But I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to hear it.

"That was quick," she snickered ten minutes later after I heaved myself inside the house.

"I'm so humiliated, Alivia," I confessed.  I kicked my sandals off angrily before I laid my head on the island where she sat.

"What did he do to you?  I'll kick his ass," she said as she immediately came to my side.

She saw that I was upset but not to the point of crying.  I hoped I wouldn't get there.   _It's nothing to get your panties in a twist about.  Just chill out_.  "I... I was naked.  Almost.  And he was..." I gasped. She grabbed my shoulders firmly and stood me up straight.

"Take a breath," she laughed.  "Slow down."

I listened to her and nodded my head.  "I'm such a fucking idiot."

"No.  You're not.  I hardly think whatever went down was bad, Tess.  He's fucking sexy as hell.   Was it...  Was he bad?"  She made a funny face and bit down on her lip.

"So sexy."  I calmed myself a little more and rubbed my forehead.  "So fucking, goddamn sexy that I couldn't keep my pants on."

Her brows shot up in immediate interest.  "Ooh, and?" she sang.

"It...  It was amazing.  Until three dudes barged in.  They saw me laying there with his head between my legs.  Jesus.   I still can't believe that just happened."

"Shut the fuck up," she gasped.  I glanced at her and nodded my head as my cheeks flushed with heat.   "Oh my God, T...  You have to be lying."

"No!" I yelled before cradling my head in my hands.  "I'm mortified."

Then she laughed again and I fought not to glare at her.  "Okay.  So there was a minor hiccup.  Not a big deal."

"For you," I spat.

She nodded.  "I'm sure he was just as embarrassed-"

"He wasn't naked," I said flatly.

"All right.   _You_  were naked.  So what?  His head was in your crotch.  You're even."

I laughed sarcastically.  "Hardly."  I rolled my eyes next.

"Tess, you're going to come out of this just fine.  Just think about the next time you see each other. Ugh," she shuddered with delight, "it's gonna be so hot."

"I can't see him again."

"Oh give me a break," she teased.  "The tension y'all have is so obvious.  There's no way he's not going to get what he's after one way or another.  You want it just as bad."  Her hand smacked my ass and I jumped with the blow.  "You're a sweet, sexy little southern woman.  What man in his right mind wouldn't want a piece?"

"Shut up," I groaned.

"You're a catch, T.  Whether you'll ever let yourself believe it or not.  You are.  And the fact that you don't know it makes you even more desirable.  Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Stop."

"I'm not gonna stop!" she laughed, hugging my waist.  "Because it's the truth and you need to hear it from someone you know, and someone that would never, ever lie to you.  I don't like seeing you doubt yourself the way you do all the time.  You don't need to be like that."

"I think you're drunk.  Or high.  I don't know. Maybe both?" I quipped.  I didn't like to think highly of myself, let alone listen to someone else gush about it. It made my skin crawl.  The last thing I ever wanted to become was full of myself.  There was nothing special about me.  I was just a simple gal.

"Neither, unfortunately.  But anyway, sorry for getting off topic.  Was he good at it, at least?"

I sighed longingly and nodded.  "Fuck me sideways, was he ever.  So good.  If I had balls they'd be blue right now."

Her laughter became contagious and I found myself giggling right along with her.  "You've definitely got balls, Tess.  I'm proud of you taking a chance on him like you did.  It's unfortunate how it worked out but at least you know he wants you and I'm almost positive he's not done with you yet."

I blushed amidst the laughter.  "I really don't think I can show my face around them again."

"You'll be just fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do one thing every day that scares you. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Summer passed in the blink of an eye and I never got another chance to see Q before it came to an end.  After our rather disastrous encounter, he was gone.  Him and Sal were only in town for the weekend.  He sent me a sweet text here and there after the fact, sometimes they even got a little sexy but never ended up amounting to anything.  Mostly because I couldn't bring myself to partake.   _Such a coward_.

It was a memory I tried my hardest to forget and any time that it would infiltrate my brain, I'd find myself cringing.   So, I didn't blame him when the texts stopped altogether.   _Why waste his time?_ That's all I was to him.  More so to make myself feel better about my decision to tuck myself back into my safety net.  And to help me forget about the most godawful, embarrassing night of my life.  There were endless options out there for him.   _Easier_  options.  Not someone like me- a ridiculous, graceless buffoon.  If I'd remained cool, just brushed it off, I might have avoided feeling completely reprehensible.  But no, I fled the first chance I got and took all of those notions right along with me.

It was late September when the Louisiana heatwave broke.  Liv and I laid lazily across the living room since we both had the night off.  She was mindlessly flipping through channels on the television while I was missing my mouth more often than not with the popcorn I was attempting to eat.

"I think their show's on tonight," she mentioned to me, glancing over from the arm of the opposite couch.

"Don't even start with that," I warned.  I sat up and brushed the fallen kernels from my chest to collect them.

"Why not?  You never watch it with me," she whined.

I rolled my eyes.  "Because."  I went to find the garbage and as I walked into the kitchen, her head popped up over the armrest.

"You still plan on going to training this weekend, right?" she asked.

I flipped open the lid to the bin.  "Yes."

"Just making sure," she muttered.  Right then, I knew there was something she wasn't telling me.

I padded back to the living room barefoot and stood over her with my hands on my hips.  "Why?" I inquired and she shrugged innocently.  She knew better than to feign anything around me.  "Liv."

"What?"

"Tell me," I demanded as I crossed my arms.

She curled away from me to the other end of the cushions.  "I talked to Sal."

My mouth fell open.  "You  _what_?"

"They're going to be in Dallas this weekend, too.  He wants to hang out."  Her words came out fast and quiet as if she were expecting me to lash out at her when she was done.   _Oh, she had no idea_.

"Are you kidding?  Please tell me you're kidding."

She regained some of her ground and sat up on her knees.  "Nope.  Come  _on_.  Q's been asking about you.  Wondering why you stopped answering his texts..."

I rolled my eyes again.  "He has  _not_ ," I told her with a cold glare, trying my best to reject any of what she was feeding me.  But I still found her words permeating through my icy facade whether I wanted them to or not.

"Yes, he  _has_.  I can see it, you're considering it right now.  You have to give it another chance.  You barely got started," she continued.

I dropped to the seat beside her and leaned against the backrest.  "I was humiliated,  _naked_ , in front of four strangers."

"Would you let that go already?  It happened.  So what?  You can look back and laugh about it now..." She chewed her lip and gave me a hopeful look.  "Please?"

*

We walked off the plane with a few other deputies from our department on a Friday and I couldn't have been more of a nervous wreck if I tried.  So much for bringing my self-confidence with me to Texas.  I wasn't a horribly demure, befuddled person.  Normally.  That was until I met Q.  I had absolutely no control over myself when it came to him.

"Why are you all sweaty, T?  Think of this as a mini vacation!" she sang as she hooked her arm through mine.

"This is not a fucking vacation, Liv.  And I'm kinda freaking out here, so thanks.  Just...  Thanks for making me feel more self-conscious," I spat sarcastically.  I shook my head as I pulled myself away from her and headed to baggage claim in a huff on my own.

She laughed and jogged to catch up.  "Relax.  We  _just_  got here.  There's nothing to freak out about yet."

"Says the person who's never had a ruffled feather in her life," I grumbled.

"Oh, shut up," she replied.  Then she mumbled under her breath.  "Pessimist."

"Fuck off.  Know-it-all," I shot back just as quiet.

She laughed exuberantly, nudging me with her shoulder. "Ooh, mama, don't tease me."

My face flushed red and my jaw fell open. "Use your filter," I groaned.

She shrugged it off and giggled, smiling at the few strangers who glanced our way.  "I'm just saying..."

"Yeah and that's just about enough," I said.

The loud buzzer went off a moment later and we gathered our things when they came around the carousel.  Outside, there were already a group of vans waiting to take us to the hotel.  It was a thirty minute drive to Dallas.  A ride that I spent staring out the window, going over every possible sequence of events that might occur in the two days ahead of me.  I was torn from my daydream when Liv tugged on my arm, signaling our arrival at the hotel.

"Come on, T.  Let's get checked in and cleaned up.  Cocktails in an hour," she told me as I scooted out behind her.

The lobby was quiet with only a few people coming and going while we made our way to the counter to check in.  As I stood beside Liv, I couldn't help but let my mind wander aimlessly.  I wondered how many women had entered Q's life since I'd seen him.   _Probably a hefty laundry list of willing partners._ I cringed at the very thought of the amount of people he'd probably taken to his bed.  Then I found myself wondering what it would be like to be a part of his life.  You know, just for a minute.  Experience a brief glimpse into what made him,  _him_.  What made him tick.  What he liked.   _Jesus, fangirling much?_  Oh hell no.   _Yes, that's exactly what you're doing_.  It wasn't possible.  I wasn't a fan. Of his or theirs.  I barely knew what they did for a living.  I simply wanted Q.  Not the guy on TV.   _But that doesn't matter, you dope.  He's single, gorgeous, available and freaking famous for crying out loud_.   _Why the hell would he want you, of all people he could have?_   But I did almost have him.  Once. All to myself.  For what might have been just an hour, maybe two.  Or even a mere twenty minutes. Any amount of time would have been perfect.   It would have been enough.  Until two nimrods taking care of an inebriated Sal burst into the room like they owned the place.   _Shudder_.

The perky desk clerk's voice drew me back to reality.  "Mr. Vulcano left these for you and wanted to let you know he's staying in room 1024 this weekend."  A legal size envelope was slid across to Liv and she quickly snatched it up.

"What the fuck is that?" I snapped.

She looked up at me with wide eyes.  "And I need to turn my filter on?" she laughed.

"Un-fucking-believable," I muttered under my breath.

"Enjoy your stay here in Dallas!" the woman added as she flashed her perfect, white smile.  On any other occasion, I would have returned the polite gesture but I had too much going on inside my head to be nice.  I tore my scowl from her direction and aimed it at Liv.

"You don't think you might have mentioned that one little detail?  Maybe given me some time to prepare?" I asked.

She laughed as if she didn't have a care in the world and walked in front of me to the elevator. "Details, shme-tails.  You're already a mess, which by the way you don't need to be, so what good would it have done if I did tell you?  You probably wouldn't have even gotten on the plane."

My nostrils flared and I felt my hand tensing around the handle of my suitcase.

Then she shrugged.  Another nonchalant gesture that I swear could have made me strangle her.  "I can't help that they put us up at the same hotel."

"I really don't like you right now," I uttered.  The elevator opened and rather roughly, I shoved my bag inside.

"You love me."

The short ride to the fourth floor was quiet.  And I was extremely thankful there were six more floors separating Q and I.  I was no where near ready to run into him.  Or Sal for that matter.

I started the shower once we settled in.  My nerves had calmed somewhat from the solitude of the bathroom and I was ready to get some liquor into my system to keep them in check.  Our classes didn't start until the next morning so they'd organized a little mixer for everyone that night.  Not that I cared to go, Liv was the one urging me to join along in the 'fun'.  She was the social butterfly.  Loved meeting new people, mostly the male gender but that's just who she was.  We were complete opposites, something everyone we knew was well aware of.  I was the adult while she remained the boisterous, happy-go-lucky party gal.

Washing up, I drifted again.  Drifted through the reasons I wanted him.  Not because he was a star. Plain and simple, I was just incredibly attracted to him.  There was chemistry between us.  He'd pointed it out once.  Back at Wiggly's.  Then, nothing filled my brain more than thought of him stripping me of my clothes.  Touching me just the way he wanted.  Moving me the way he wanted.  It wasn't about me.  It was about giving him what he wanted.  He would be willing to take what I offered him.  Which would be everything.  Absolutely, without a doubt, he would have me.  And I would want him just as much.  I couldn't imagine it any other way.  He wasn't aware of it, but he did something to me.  He made me feel that it was acceptable to want, to need, to crave someone so completely that nothing else would matter.  Not until we were through.

Liv was on the phone when I emerged in a fresh pair of boy shorts and my favorite bra.  I towel dried my hair and made sure my ears weren't playing tricks on me when I listened in.  I was still getting the crackling sensation every now and again from the plane ride.   _She doesn't know anyone in Dallas but you and the other five officers here for the seminar_.

My eyes widened and I threw my towel at her.  "Who are you talking to?"  _So much for your pep talk, missy_.  It was quickly overridden with a rush of panic.

She easily dodged the flying linen before holding up her index finger which told me to hold on, but I was way passed that.  I threw on a pair of dark jeans and shoved her shoulder.  "Seven o'clock.  You got it.  We'll be there."  And she hung up.

"Who was that?"

"You ask the silliest questions," she said nonchalantly as she got up and headed to the bathroom.  "Do what you do to make yourself beautiful and be ready in twenty minutes.  There's been a change of plans."

My stomach dropped to the soles of my feet because I knew exactly what she was getting at.   _Oh.  Shit_.  By myself, I was okay.  More than okay, actually.  Collected.  Calm.  Relaxed.  But Liv wasn't going to make any of those things easy for me to achieve.  I threw on a white V neck t-shirt so I could begin the long endeavor to contain my hair.   _Now or never, Tess honey.  She's doing this for you_.  My mom's voice rang loud in my head and I nodded to myself in the mirror.  She always popped up with little words of encouragement when I needed them the most.  Not that this particular moment in my life was that significant, or honorable for that matter, but she was there nonetheless.

When I flipped my head back over from blow drying, Liv was already out of the shower.  She was grinning mischievously, so immediately I questioned the look.  "What?"

"Your hair looks flippin' awesome.  What'd you do different?"

 _Oh_.  "Nothing. I don't think?" I shrugged.  Then I looked at my reflection. My curls were defined, not frizzy for once and they fell with a gently past my shoulders.  No longer were they a crazed, wild mess on my head.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees you tonight," she beamed.

I spritzed a mild amount of hair spray over myself before sitting on the bed.  "I just don't know what it's gonna be like, ya know?  I know what  _I_  want it to be like, but is he gonna be happy?  Or is he going to be annoyed that I'm even here?   _Does_  he want anything to happen again?  Ugh.  I don't know," I blabbed.

"Why on earth would he be annoyed?"

"I hardly let him apologize, Liv.  I tore off like a bat out of hell so that must have made him feel  _great,"_ I began.  Then I flopped to my back and stared at the ceiling.  "Like I was some sort of saint caught with her pants down and I couldn't wait to get away from him."

"A saint?  Hardly."  She snickered.  "While you  _are_  a little more virtuous than me, I understand where you're coming from.  But I'm sure that's not what he's thinking.  You only did what any other respectable woman out there would've.  Hell, I would'a been embarrassed and you know that doesn't happen to me."

I had to smile at her optimism and only hoped that some of what she said might be true.  I tried not to think of the fact that he could have absolutely anyone he laid eyes on.  He probably did.  What made me any different?   _Nothing.  He's just looking for lay, Tess_.  My gut swirled with jealously and fear and I found myself wondering if I'd really be able to go through with it if the opportunity presented itself.  My body craved it but my brain was flashing a big 'don't do it' sign.   I was just a conquest to him. Another object to play with.   _Shut up already.  Just see what happens_...  But I was certain what would happen if I allowed it.  He'd hardly have to say a word in order to talk me out of my pants.

The dynamic was amazing once we reached the hotel bar.  It was like a high school reunion but all the people I saw were police officers instead of adolescent teenagers.  Small groups peppered the area, talking and laughing with one another.  I bellied up to the bar beside Liv and couldn't wait another second for my drink to be delivered.  I'd played it cool up until I stepped foot into that busy lounge.  Q could have been there, hidden by one body or another and I wouldn't have been any wiser.  Or better prepared.

Liv leaned over and kept her voice hushed. "They're not here yet.  Relax," she told me.  I nodded and took a breath.  As I sucked down my first drink in just a few gulps, a group of younger civilian guys took notice of our lonesome situation.  We were two sitting ducks.   _Here we go_.  Liv pounced at the attention even though their aura screamed trouble.  She couldn't help it.  It was second nature to her.  Two of them headed over to our side to strike up what I thought was going to be completely pointless conversation.

I could feel a stranger's eyes on me a moment later while I twirled the ice in my empty glass.   _Don't do it, guy.  You're wasting your time_ , I thought to myself.  In lieu of my silent wish, he sat down beside me.

"Can I get you another drink?" he asked.

I turned to him and smiled my best smile as I willed him to get lost.  "No, thank you. I'm fine," I said.

"Aw, come on.   Yours is empty and it's early," he went on.

"I'm really f-"

"So, you're a cop, too?"

I let out an inaudible grumble.  _Why can't anyone take a hint?_   "Yes."  Then I knew a cheesy, one-liner had to be coming my way next.

He bowed closer and I immediately leaned in the opposite direction.  "Hot stuff, I know I've got the right to remain silent but-"

 _Was this guy for real?_   I rolled my eyes and smiled dryly before he could finish.  "It was really,  _really_  nice talking to you," I shot at him.  Sarcasm dripped heavy from my voice and he held his hands up while slipping from the chair.  I shifted in my seat and crossed my legs toward Liv.  I hated to be rude but immature, cocky boys were the last thing I wanted to deal with.  I had bigger, better,  _sexier_  things on my plate to worry about.  Something that I happened to catch walking right through the doorway and into the lounge.  My breath caught in my throat and I stiffened.  He looked good.   _Really_  good. _Holy shit balls, Tess_. _Get yourself together_.  He wore faded, dark jeans and a navy mechanic style button up with 'Q' on the white name patch.  His Yankees cap sat effortlessly on his head and I could almost feel the drool raining off of my tongue.

Sal followed and looked just as handsome.  Then the memory of that night in New Orleans suddenly came flooding back.   _Sal, for the love of all that is holy please don't tell me you saw me almost naked with your best friend._

His arms went wide when he finally saw us.  "Ladies!" he exclaimed.  Liv quickly left her banter with the strangers and wrapped her arms around him, then Q next.  I managed a shy wave at Sal before he came over.  "it's nice to see you again, Tess.  You remember my friend here, Q?"

My eyes went wide for a split second until I realized he was kidding.  Then I laughed sheepishly and nodded.   _Moment of truth. Get your ass up and say hi to him_.  "Yes. I do. Hi, Q."

His smile crushed every bit of my composure.  My legs turned to mush as I was almost unable to find a solid foot to stand on after raising from my seat.  "Hey, pretty girl," he said as he raised a thick eyebrow.

My face turned a deep shade of crimson and I held onto the metal backing of the stool with a white knuckled grip as I nervously fluffed the curls on one side of my head.  "How are you?" I managed to ask.

"Doin' all right.  How are you, Tess?"  My name rolled off his tongue just like I remembered.   _That panty dropping, husky voice..._   I subconsciously chewed on my lip at the thought.  "Tess?"

"Oh!  I'm sorry." I laughed softly and dropped my eyes to the floor.  "I'm good."   _Stop your damn daydreaming._

He leaned in and touched his shoulder to mine for a moment.  "Good."  That brought my gaze back to his profound, chocolate stare.  "What are you drinkin'?"  He pulled my stool out and guided me back to the seat.  My arm brushed lightly over his as I moved passed and I couldn't help but pause for a moment to relish in the memory of his warm skin.

"Whiskey on the rocks," I said softly as I situated myself.  He slid up beside me and remained standing.  _God, I want to touch you_.  _Kiss you. Undress you_.  The heat returned and I had to cross my legs to contain the dull throb.  For the life of me, I couldn't think of anything to say.  I glanced around the bar instead and found the annoying kids from earlier with their eyes on us, blatantly letting their laughter be known to everyone.  I rolled my eyes again and tried to drink up what was left in my glass.

"Friends of yours?" he asked smugly.  Our beverages were delivered a moment later.

"I...  Uh, no," I stuttered, leaning forward to bring the fresh cocktail closer.

"Just some lame kids trying to pick up our innocent little Tess here," Liv joked.  I groaned and blushed until I felt Q's hand slip underneath my hair to rest between my shoulder blades.  I sat up straight and felt my body tighten with the simple, harmless contact.

"Ah.  Well, unfortunately for them, she's spoken for tonight," Q said and I almost choked on the liquid going down my throat.  As he leaned down to press his lips to my temple, the three of them erupted into laughter around me.  I shrunk as I wiped my mouth.  I wanted to crawl under the bar and hide away for the rest of the night.  Not that I didn't appreciate Q's statement, I just didn't want my business served on a platter for all to see.  Liv was aware of our situation and I was sure Sal probably had equal knowledge, but them knowing just made it all the more embarrassing.

"Tess and I are gonna be stuck with all these people tomorrow.  Whaddya say?  Should we find some different scenery?" Liv said as she stood.   _Thank goodness.  Get me the hell out of here_.  It wasn't hard for me to finish my second drink after that.  When I got up, Q only stepped back an inch to let me pass.   _Ugh, you tease_.  He was dangerously close.  So close that my chest grazed his as I slid by.  I felt my stomach shudder, then it did somersaults when his hand slipped onto my shoulder.

"Where to then?" Sal asked as he threw a bill down on the bar.  There was no particular destination in mind, nor did I care since the moment Q put his hands on me.

We found a rustic country bar not too far from the hotel.  Maybe a mile or so away.  The mixture of patrons and decor reminded me of home.  Some held true to the southern style and wore cowboy boots while others wore more urban, updated attire.  A high-top was open on the patio so we headed in it's direction since it was such a nice, comfortable night out.   No reason to be cooped up inside. Fancy torches surrounded the space and antique-style lanterns adorned each table, giving the bar a golden, sensual ambiance.  There was even a fire burning in the center of it all that was calling my name.

"Another whiskey?" Q asked as he stood tall beside my seat.  Butterflies were raging out of control in the pits of my stomach.  The walk over had been quiet, but not too terribly awkward.  He didn't push me, rather I got the feeling he was allowing me to ease back into whatever this was at my own pace.  I admired him for that.  Turned on by it, even.  I was really hoping I'd be able to overcome my fear and dismiss any reminder of that distressing night before I began to bore him.  That was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Nah.  I'll take a beer this time.  Whatever you're having," I replied, smiling up at him.  I fluffed my curls again and leaned back into the chair.

He grinned.  "I didn't picture you a beer drinker," he said.  I heard Liv and Sal joking with one another across the table, but that was soon drowned out when he leaned down.  He moved his hand across the front of my body to the opposite armrest, trapping me underneath him.

My breath hitched again when his lips hovered over mine.  "Surprise?" I uttered, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"I thought you didn't like surprises," he teased in a low, throaty murmur.  My body began to thrum with electricity and excitement when he took a step closer, his chest against my shoulder.  Tingles shot through my limbs as if they were being revived from a long, deep slumber and my heart pounded harder the longer he lingered so incredibly, deliciously close.  He licked his lips as his eyes moved to my mouth.   _Just kiss me dammit_ , I thought.  Then again, I didn't want to ruin the moment.  Whatever was happening between us was culminating, drawing me in.  Further under his spell.  I wanted another taste.  I wanted it to be constant.  By the way he looked at me just then, this was going to be just the beginning of a seriously reckless night for one Tess Hudson.

He had to know there were eyes on us.  I felt them perforating the bubble that surrounded me under his gaze.   _He's doing this on purpose, Tess.  He wants to see you squirm after running out on him_.  I cleared my throat and reluctantly broke the eye contact.  I had to get myself under control.  He was clearly a man on a mission and I could certainly head in the direction he was taking this, but I couldn't allow him to have complete jurisdiction over  _every_  moment we shared.  Not if I wanted to retain a mere slice of my dignity when he was through with me.

"I thought I told you before, Q.  You don't know me," I breathed.   _Backbone, located_.  Or maybe I was getting ahead of myself again.   _Was that rude? Oh crap_.

He laughed softly, much to my relief.  "I know a little bit, Tess.  And I like it.  I'll be right back."  With that, he headed inside to get the first round.  I wrung my hands in my lap, folded, then unfolded my legs until Liv tore me from my thoughts.

"Stop fidgeting," she barked.  I looked up at her and nodded, realizing he  _had_  gotten me squirming.   _Dammit_.  The blush remained heavy on my cheeks upon his return.  I didn't know what to say so I tried to squeeze into Liv and Sal's conversation.

"You're avoiding me," Q murmured into my ear.  I swallowed the amber liquid down quickly.

"I...  I'm not avoiding you," I replied.  Again, I dodged his prying eyes.   _Yes, you are and you know it_.

"Liar," he teased.

That got my attention and as I prepared my retort, my mouth curved into a smile.  "You don't have to call me out on everything."

"Then tell me why you're avoiding me," he replied.

I gave him a sideways glance and took another deep breath.  "Because. I really don't know how to act.   Or what to say..."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm embarrassed," I confessed.

He laughed, "why?"

"You ask a lot of questions," I quipped.

He shook his head and brought his own beer to his lips.  "Two valid questions doesn't seem like a lot to me."

That took a few seconds to sink in.  I slowly turned the frosty glass in my hands while I pondered my response.  "I just...  I can't believe what happened.  That, you know, we got caught like that.  And I'm really sorry for bolting like I did."

"You haven't been worrying about that all summer, have you?" he asked.  I scrunched my nose while nodding bashfully.  He chuckled and draped his arm over my shoulders.  "Tess..."

"I can't help but be embarrassed.  It was just...  Ugh, it was awful.  I cringe every time I think about it."

"Really?" he inquired, raising a brow.

I quickly realized how that must have sounded.  "No! No, no!  Not about you.  God, no.  Do I look crazy?" I laughed uneasily at my sudden outburst.  I shielded my eyes from the setting sun behind him as he continued to grin and stare back at me.  The look on his face stripped another piece of self-assurance right out from under me.

"What are y'all getting your panties in a wad for over there?" Liv asked.  My eyes shot to her and the color drained from my face.  I knew she didn't mean to, but her words brought the memories of the shameful evening flooding back.  One that I was just starting to put behind me.  The weight of everyone's stare began to bear down on me.

"Excuse me," I said softly as I slipped from the table.  I laughed at myself the entire way to the restroom.   _Chill, Tess.  It's not a big deal.  You can laugh about this_.  Maybe after a few years passed.  I still couldn't put my finger on what exactly there was to be so embarrassed about.  Maybe the fact that he was a celebrity was adding to my anxiety.  I hadn't thought about that little fact in a while.  Other than picturing him with countless other women.  I groaned at myself in the mirror.  It was sickening to me, but shoved that from my brain because I had absolutely no claim on him.  When I decided there was no way I was going to get my head on straight, I left the privacy of the bathroom and headed to the bar.  I was going to need something a little bit stronger than the beer waiting for me back at the table if I wanted to get through the night.

To my dissatisfaction, my eyes landed on the crude boy from the hotel bar.  "Perfect," I muttered, hoping he didn't notice me.   _No such luck for you tonight, Tess_.

He sidled up beside me and grinned.  "How about that drink, darlin'?"  He sounded a bit more intoxicated than before so I decided to tread lightly.

"I'm all right.  Thanks for the offer," I told him.  I leaned in closer to the bartender when she came over and ordered a shot of whiskey.

"I insist.  Make that two," he chimed in.  I rolled my eyes and prayed for him to disappear.  He clinked our glasses together and promptly threw back his liquor.

I sighed but tossed mine back as well.  "Thanks," I muttered before escaping to the patio.  Not necessarily a safer spot, but I would be away from the obnoxious guy for the time being.

"Meet some friends along the way?" Liv snickered with my return.  I cringed and closed my eyes after glancing behind me to see not only one, but there were two more nimrods following right along beside him.

"No," I grumbled.  Q sat in the chair beside my own with an interested, amused look on his face.  He was rubbing his beard all the while focusing intently on me.

"This beautiful girl right finally let my friend here buy her that drink.   Whaddya say, blondie?  Care to join in on the fun and leave these old guys behind for the evening?" the second guy asked.   _Oh, that was not a bright thing to say, kid._

Liv laughed at them, " _blondie_?  What are you, in kindergarten?"

I chuckled at her answer but I quickly saw the hilarity leave both Sal and Q's expressions when the three not-so-wise men pushed themselves closer.

The first guy opened his mouth next.  "Baby girl, I can assure you we're well equipped to take care of some fine ladies like yourselves."

Q raised to his feet and put himself between myself and the young men.  "I don't appreciate your tone, guys.  Why don't you take a walk and leave them be?  They're clearly not interested," he began.  My heart fluttered at his chivalry just a bit then I quickly brought myself back to the moment.  The idiots were not going to take that well.

"Who the fuck are you, old man?" the second idiot spat.

"Old man?" Q laughed, shaking his head.  "It doesn't matter, now does it?  Just think of me as someone asking you rather nicely to leave us alone."

The trio laughed and did the whole slap on the back, high-five thing.   _Oh for fuck's sake_.   _Could they be any more immature?_

I stepped between them and put my hands up.  "Guys, guys!  Enough!" I yelled.  I put my hand to Q's chest to force him a step back.  "I said thank you for the drink.  I appreciate it.  Now if you'd go, we can all enjoy our evening, okay?"

The third piped in, laughing like the asshole he was.  "Ooh, lookie here!  City boy's got a feisty one on his hands."

Liv hurried to my side when steam spewed from my ears.  She grabbed me by the waist and yanked me backward.  Adrenaline had already begun to flow through my veins so I easily shrugged her off and confronted him again.  "Really?  How old are you?  Get lost," I spat as she grabbed for my arm.

"Guys, let's go.  We've got better things to do than sit here and argue with a couple pussies that need their little bitches to do all the talking," one of them laughed.

My jaw dropped to the floor when I heard him.  I took one more step forward to give them another piece of my mind when Q cut me off.  His arms reached out behind him to contain me and what happened next came out of no where.  A stray fist flew through the air and connected directly with his face.  Somewhere.  I heard it.  As many times as I'd seen and been around fights, the sound of someone getting hit was always sickening.  His solid frame flung backward into me and we went down to the ground in slow motion.  I landed on my back with him on top of me and the force of his impact was enough to knock all of the wind from my lungs.  I gasped for my breath and tried to roll to my side, but I was still completely underneath him.  He moved rather quickly for someone who'd just taken a punch.  His weight disappeared a second later but his head remained in my lap. I sat up and cradled him gently against my stomach as bodies swarmed around us to apprehend the assailant.  His hat was no longer on his head, his hair was a mess and he was cursing while holding his cheek.

"Holy shit.  Are you all right?" I sputtered as I brushed the hair from his forehead.  What I heard next was astonishing.  While I was drowning in embarrassment and guilt, he was laughing.   _Laughing_.  My brows shot up as I held him against me and forced my wits back in order.

"Shouldn't you just ask me if I know what day it is?" he said, nuzzling closer to my abdomen.

I didn't find any humor in the situation.  None whatsoever because my expression remained serious as I pulled his hand away to get a look at where he'd been hit.  "Okay, smart aleck.  What day is it then?"

He tried to contain his laughter with a sigh.  That didn't help.  He continued to laugh.   _This is all your fault, Tess.  This man just took a punch for you.  For what?  Some stupid ass you could have gotten rid of on your own back in the bar?  Way to freaking go_.  This day was proving to be a complete disaster and I'd barely been in the state for six hours.   _Fuck.  My.  Life._

"It's Friday, right?" he asked as he opened his good eye to look at me.

"Yes," I said quickly.  He closed his eyes again while I inspected his new injury.  The left side of his face was already turning black and his cheek was split.  Liv handed me a stack of napkins and I carefully dabbed the blood from his skin.  Then I heard Sal begin to cackle from above.  He wasn't helping.  I looked up and saw that the rest of the guys had arrived amidst the chaos, too.

"Are you guys all right?" Joe asked.

I nodded but couldn't help but let the shame settle in.  "I'm fine.  Your friend here took the brunt of it for me," I said quietly.  A waitress handed me an ice pack so I carefully placed it against the side of his face.  "I'm sorry I let this happen, Q."

Both of his eyes opened that time.  "What are you apologizing for?  Those guys were assholes."

"I should have taken care of it on my own.  None of this wouldn't have happened if I-"

"Stop.  It's not the first time I've been punched, Tess.  Or the last, I'm sure," he chuckled.  He was trying to make light of the situation and while I could appreciate that, I still felt godawful.  Then suddenly, all the worrying I had done about what happened months ago was no where to be found.  This was a much,  _much_  bigger deal.   Bodily harm was a bit more serious than being caught naked.  And I finally convinced myself that no one had seen a thing.  Except for Q and that little afterthought sent a wave of heat through my gut.

"It shouldn't have escalated to this.  I've been trained to handle these situations.  I'm so sorry, Q."

"Stop worrying your pretty little self," he said as he slowly raised from the comfort of my lap.  I blushed and placed my hand on his shoulder to help him sit up.  My ribs and back opposed the idea of the movement but I couldn't be concerned with that.  Not when his face was beginning to look like a bludgeoned piece of meat.

"You okay?  Are you dizzy at all?" I asked.  I moved my other hand to his chest to steady him and left it there to enjoy the feeling of him beneath my touch.  Everything going on around us floated away when his eyes met mine again.

"I'm fine, Tess.  Are  _you_  okay?  Did I hurt you?" he said.  I shook my head and took a deep, reassuring breath before I leaned over to shut him up.  I touched my lips to his, slowly at first, sliding my hand to the side of his neck to pull him closer.  I felt absolutely horrible for causing drama, so kissing him could be a move in the right direction to make up for it.   _It feels too good not to give in, doesn't it?_ Oh, yes, yes it did.  I sighed against his mouth when I knew I should have pulled away.  My body was flushing with more scintillation but I kissed him deeper despite that. It was sending passionate signals to all the right places.   _You didn't think this through.  You're on the floor, in a bar, for goodness sake_.

Reluctantly, I pushed at his chest to put some undesired space between us.  "I'm sorry.  I just...  Really wanted to kiss you.  I owe you," I breathed as I pushed my hair back.  I glanced down when I felt something damp seep in against my skin.  The gash on his cheek had spread blood across the white shirt I wore.

He followed my eyes.  "Shit, Tess.  Your clothes," he muttered as he reached for the napkins.

I waved him off.  "Stop. It's fine.  The very least I could do after  _that_  is let you bleed all over me," I laughed, smoothing his hair again.

He shook his head and tried his best to collect some of the excess blood.  "I can have it cleaned for you or...  No, I'll buy you another one," he stammered.

To my complete amazement, I watched him become the flustered one for once.  He dabbed the stain, which just happened to be across my chest and he fumbled with crumpled napkin.  He didn't realize it until Joe smacked his shoulder.  "Dude, leave the poor girl alone."

"I was just-" he began then he looked down at the location of his hand.  "Oh!  Uh...  Well, can't really talk my way outta this one, can I?" he laughed.  I let Joe help me up when he offered.  He gave me a tight squeeze before him and I both pulled Q to his feet.  "Joey, you remember Tess?"

He remembered and quickly made me feel completely welcome amongst them.  I sat beside Q and although he said he didn't need it, he let me hold the ice against his swelling cheek.  The sun had long since set when the series of unfortunate events came up for a third time.  That's when Q led me away to the deserted fire pit.  It was surrounded by huge chunks of limestone stacked together neatly and that was where I took a seat.  He remained quiet and standing, probably thinking about how to get rid of me.  I had gotten him a black eye, after all.  He shoved his hand into his pocket before tipping back the last of his beer.  I watched him, wondering what his excuse would be.

"Shit, Q.  Again, I'm so sorry for all of this," I said quietly as I crossed my arms over my stained shirt.  I wanted to curl myself into a ball.  That was until he set his glass down and squatted in front of me.

"Tess.  Please stop apologizing.  I don't want you to feel bad about anything-"

"This was all my fault.  Ugh.  Fuck, I'm so humiliated.  _Again_ ," I mumbled, placing my head in my hands.  He slid his hands onto my thighs and I felt my breath catch once more.

"Tess."  He gently pulled my hands away from my head and because of that, the butterflies resounded with a roar in my gut.  "Stop.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.  You've been quiet.  Seriously, are you hurt at all?"

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to his though they remained dark under the brim of his cap.  After we had gotten ourselves off the ground, he'd found his hat and situated it back on his head but he faced it forward to hide the bruising on his face, I had to guess.  The claim he had over my thighs and the back and forth movement of his thumbs stirred something in me all of a sudden.  Courage maybe, because I was able to lift the hat from his head and carefully placed it backward again.  And he let me.  He even grinned when I tucked his hair behind his ears.  That look made it hard to fight off every urge I had to kiss him again.

"I'm fine.  Nothing a few days of rest won't heal.  But that doesn't matter.  Your cheek...  Your eye. Jesus, I'm an idiot," I stammered, letting my fingertips brush over the growing bruise.

"Sweetheart, it's not a big deal.  You warned me back when we first met, remember?"  My eyebrows shot up with alarm.   _What the hell did you tell him?_   "You said you were accident prone.  I just didn't realize that it went beyond you," he teased.  I took a breath when I heard him and it actually made me laugh.  I vaguely recalled telling him that.  Then he told me I needed a warning label.  Amidst my chortling, he became serious again.  "I'm more worried about what I did when I fell on you."

I managed to smile again, to make him feel better and placed my hands back into my lap.  _Q, anything having to do with you on top of me is A-okay in my book_.  "I deserved every bit of it.  You, on the other hand, didn't.  I don't know what I can do to make it up to you..."  As soon as the words left my lips, my brain went straight to the bedroom.  As did his because a sobering look came over him.

"Tess..." he breathed, unconvinced.

The very sound of his voice called my arms to his shoulders.  "You need ice packs, pain relievers..." I touched his cheek again and slowly trailed it over his beard which was softer than I remembered.  His eyes fluttered closed and he turned his lips into my wrist.  Goosebumps covered every inch of my skin, clothed or not and his palms slid to my hips to pull me closer to the edge of my seat.  Closer to him.  I let out a soft gasp before his mouth covered mine.  Something I wasn't expecting. I wrapped my arms completely around his neck as his slid around my waist.  My body gave into a a shudder that I hid from him, I only squeezed his waist between my knees a bit harder.

"I don't need any of those things, just kiss me," he whispered.

I pulled away and my head fell back as I laughed sweetly, hanging onto him to keep upright.   "Oh, Q.  You  _must_  have a concussion." Again, my thoughts were torn from the guilt, the remorse of what had occurred just ninety minutes earlier.

He laughed right along with me.  "Yeah, that was kinda corny," he said.  I blew a stray curl from my eyes to see him without any sort of hindrance.  He reached up to tuck the tendril away on his own.   "Your hair-"

I quickly moved my hands to pat it down and push it back.  "Shit. I knew I should have checked it after-"

"-Is beautiful," he finished.

I stopped mid-sentence and blushed.   _Ugh_.  "Um.  Thank you."  It may have looked slightly better than normal that night but I'm sure it was still a mess so I wasn't one hundred percent convinced he was being honest.

He simply shook his head at my meek, disbelieving response as he raised to his feet to take the spot beside me.  "You want another beer?" he asked.

I shook my head because I'd finished mine back at the table and all at once had no intention of having anymore.  My mind was on something completely different.  "No, thank you. But I can get you another."

"I'm good."

Then a silence overcame us for a few moments.  I crossed my legs and leaned back on my hands.  His arm was against mine and I even felt him move a little bit closer.  I cleared my throat before I spoke again.  "So, uh...  Let's talk about something else other than the atrocious evening were having.  Tell me somethin' about you."

He smiled and suavely covered my hand with his.  "Like what?"

I shrugged, allowing the fluttering in my stomach to take hold again.  "What did you do before you got famous?  I mean, you haven't always been famous, have you?"

He laughed and shot me a saucy look.  "No, smarty pants.  I'll have you know I was a firefighter in New York, actually."

My jaw fell open with equal vivaciousness.  "Well, all right then," I laughed.  Then it got quiet again.  Gave me more than enough time to let his confession sink in.  "That's so... Hot, Q, no pun intended of course."

"Nah."  He shook his head and I glanced over at him.  He was tugging the collar of his shirt from his neck.  "Is it warm out here?"  His voice cracked just the slightest and I couldn't help but feel a little giddy.   _Was he...  Getting nervous?  Uncomfortable?  Turned on?  Oh hell, who cares?  He's talking to you._

My response left me before it even had a chance to register.  "Scorching."  I licked my lips unbeknownst to myself and he caught me red-handed.  My mouth went dry and suddenly I was craving that next drink after all.

"You're making me blush," he replied.

"Oh, please," I snickered, rolling my eyes.  There was no way this man blushed.  Ever.  Then his hand squeezed mine and I quivered a bit more.  "Maybe I  _do_  want that drink," I said softly.

"Yeah?  What would you like, beautiful?"

 _Now or never, Tess. Spit it out_.  "Not here."  I sucked in a breath and prayed that he didn't hear the split-second trepidation in my voice.  His eyes shot to mine and while they were questioning at first, they softened and understood what I was suggesting.

"Okay."  His reply was simple but that was completely alright with me.   He got it, that's all that mattered.  He tugged me to my feet with the hand that was already holding mine and we slipped from the patio unnoticed.  When we stopped at the first intersection, his arms slid around my waist to pull me flush against him.

I looked up at him under the fluorescent street lamps and exhaled softly.  "No more talking, Q.  Talking makes my mind go nuts and I don't want anything to interfere with what we both want to happen..."

"Jesus, Tess.  Baby, you can't say things like that and expect me to be a good guy," he groaned as he pressed me back against the corner building.  His hands slid from my hips and intertwined our fingers above my head.  That gave his hips free reign over my body and he made them very apparent against my own.  When his lips claimed mine, I submitted wholly and pushed back against him.

A grunt reverberated from his throat and into my chest before I spoke again.  "I just want you to be you.  Please.  That's all I'm asking," I murmured, pausing to nip at his neck.  I didn't care if I was about to be used for purely sexual purposes.  I wanted the same goddamn thing.  Almost.  Sure, I craved sex like any other normal human being did, but I'd never craved one particular person as much as I was pining for this exact man pressed into me.   _You're in for a hurtin', Tess.  In more ways than just one._

"I'm gonna be me, I promise you that.  All night long," he told me as he let up when the light told us it was okay to cross.  The very walls of my core trembled with his confession.  I found my feet frozen to the ground before I smoothed my clothes and crossed my arms to cover my blood-stained shirt.   _Holy fuck, Tess.  This is going to be so good.  How did you get so lucky?_   I should have taken the shirt the bar offered me but I was too rattled to think clearly.  I was certainly regretting that decision now that I stood on another street corner, surrounded by strangers. _  
_

"Good," I said as we stopped at the next.  His arm slid around to my stomach and he leaned in to brush the hair from my face.  He devised a sneaky path from my cheek, to my jaw and finally to the nape of my neck, dragging his lips across my skin between the warm kisses.

"You can have absolutely  _anything_  you want," he whispered into my ear.  His lips then grazed that tender bit of skin and I almost lost myself to him.  We  _had_  to get back to the hotel.  I pulled away and walked ahead because I was afraid that if I let him close again, I might unleash months of sexual frustration on him right out in the open.  I didn't want that to happen, for obvious reasons.  I wanted to be entirely alone with him when that went down.  There were no if's, and's or but's about it anymore.

When I realized I'd gotten too far, I slowed and let his arm engulf my waist again.  We took off across the road the next corner together.  And the next, and the next until we finally did reach the hotel.  That walk back seemed a lot longer than the one  _to_  the bar.  But that didn't matter.  It was a thing of the past.  We'd finally made it and we were only minutes from giving in to the desire.  Until we climbed into the overcrowded elevator, snug against one another.  It might be a little longer than I thought.  But I was easily distracted when he leaned down to my ear.

"I know you said no more talking but I just have one more thing to say," he said against my skin.  I turned my head just a bit to look up at him.  "I can't wait to take your clothes off, Tess."  His voice was hardly above a murmur.  Something I just barely deciphered.  It didn't matter the volume, my knees just about gave out with the furor his words brought on.  I couldn't think about the consequences of the decision I was about to make.  I surely would be tossed to the side when he got what he wanted but hell, he was a necessity to me, too.  That was what mattered at that moment.  Two adults doing an adult thing to satisfy an urge for one insignificant night.  Well, maybe minuscule to him but a pretty big deal for me.  Perhaps I could go home, get drunk in some bar somewhere and take someone else home to get my mind off of him if I ever felt the need.  Unfortunately, I saw that happening sooner rather than later.

His arm tightened around my shoulder when two more people joined us but then he relaxed and casually lean back against the wall.  He had to be thinking what I was,  _sex, sex, sex_ , but there was also a sign of relief in his posture.  Initially, I thought maybe it was because no one recognized him.  They did have a show the next night so maybe he was worried about fans finding him.   _Or was that just boy bands?_   I didn't know for sure.  But I was more than grateful that he hadn't been discovered.  I might have had an issue if anything else got in my way.  I didn't need fangirls, or boys, inhibiting my very simple goal of dragging him upstairs to the privacy of his hotel room.  Not after everything that had happened.  I'd worked too hard to get where we were.  I wasn't in the mood, especially since we were going to be bruised and sore for a week because of it.

An annoyed gripe almost left me when we stopped at yet another floor.  We'd already been to the past six beneath us but luckily the crowd was thinning.  An elderly couple remained so I kept my hands to myself, though they itched to start undressing him.  A smile and a nod were shared between us before Q and I were finally alone.  My chest began to heave under his lascivious stare and my breath even got caught up in my throat again as I looked back at him.  The air was thick between us and it only got heavier when he pressed me against the wall of the elevator, nudging my thighs apart while his lips crushed mine.  I slid my hands onto his chest and kissed him back with equal yearning.  And then some more.  His kisses became more urgent, sliding his tongue perfectly and hungrily against mine. My body trembled but I only opened myself more.  I clutched his shirt and tilted my head just as the doors opened behind him.

When they began to shut again, I tried to pull away, gasping.  "Q, your floor..."

"I know."  He groaned at the absence of my mouth and readily pressed his growing excitement against my hips.  Then he grabbed my hand and tugged me down the hall.  The light on the door blinked red a few times and he swore at it until it finally turned green and allowed us entry.  His arm held it open and I slowly stepped inside.   _Here you are, Tess.  Are you sure you're ready?_   Almost, I thought.  But there was no turning back now.

I set my purse on the small table in the foyer when I heard the door click shut.  My heart leapt to my throat.  Then the deadbolt sounded.  "You don't want anyone barging in?" I asked lightly, hoping to cover the instant of hesitation that came over me.

"No interruptions tonight, Tess," he said.   He didn't acknowledge my attempt at a bad joke, instead he covered my hips and pulled my body back against his.  I leaned my head on his shoulder and let his hands roam.  First, they tugged the hair from my neck to make room for his lips.  God willing, I tilted my head again to give him better access while his other hand moved to my breast.  I gripped the outside of his thighs and let him do as he pleased.  Until his strong hips pushed me forward. He pressed into my backside, letting it be known that he wasn't messing around.  I lost my balance with his advance and caught myself on the small table.  He rubbed himself against me and suddenly my heart was pounding.  I was gasping again.  I'd never had someone be rough with me, but I found myself getting more excited as his touches became fierce.  Needy.  Tenacious.  Arousing thoughts drifted through my brain as I slowly began to rub back against him.  He cursed again and pushed harder.  So much so that I thought he would break through the fabric that separated us.

"Q..." I breathed as his hand moved up my back.  He straightened my stance and in one swift, expert move my stained shirt was yanked over my head.  His silken caress was right back on my skin seconds later.  Tantalizing me with the lightest contact before his fingers worked the buttons of my fly undone.

"Tell me what you want," he murmured, placing a slew of kisses over my spine as he bent to tug my pants down.

I stepped out of them and swallowed hard.  "I...  Q, tonight's about you.  It's... Whatever you want," I whispered.  Then the ethical, modest part of my conscience shouted at me.  It told me I should have gotten to know him better before letting us get to this point.  Though the thought was admirable and true, it also fleeted the moment he stripped my clothes away.   _Stop thinking so much.  Just keep on, Tess.  You expect him to stop now?_

There was a grin in his voice when he spoke next.  "Whatever I want, huh?"

I nodded though I knew he couldn't see my face.  "Yes."

"Turn around," he growled.  My stomach twisted into a knot but I found myself obeying him as I slowly spun.  He was still fully clothed and I suddenly felt self-conscious again.  I looked to the door as if I were expecting someone to break through it.  He noticed.  "No one's coming in, Tess.  Relax." His fingers just barely traced the words covering my rib cage then it drew a devious, interested smile to his face.

He pushed my hair off my shoulders and took another moment to look me over.  His eyes again rested on my tattoo.  Chest rising and falling faster, air conditioning devising goosebumps on my skin I could do nothing but stand completely still and let him stare at my body.  I flushed and decided I better make an attempt to get the focus away from me.  I reached for the buttons on his shirt but barely got two undone before his lips attacked mine again.  His warm palms slid to my rear and hoisted me effortlessly into his arms.  I flung mine around his neck and deepened the kiss as we made our way to the bed.  The comforter had a distinct chill to it as I sank down, but we'd have it heated up in no time once things escalated.   _Oh, yes, yes indeed_.  The force of his next kiss guided me to my back, allowing him complete access to my almost-naked body.  He nudged my thighs apart as his fingertips brushed over the taut skin of my lower stomach.  I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and felt heat sizzle toward the apex of my thighs.

"Do you know how much I've thought about this?" he asked as he nipped at my hip.

I lifted my chin and shook my head because I couldn't possibly believe him.  There was absolutely no way I'd been on his mind.  He was famous.  He had the pick of the litter.  Then I thought for a moment maybe his words might have been true.   _No.  He's just in the moment, you naive little girl_.  I threw myself back onto the mattress and tried to get that little voice in my head to shut her mouth.

"I have," he said as a matter of fact.  Then he continued on the task at hand which was wreaking havoc on my already willing, writhing body.  "You are so...  Incredibly...  Sexy, Tess.  How could I not?"

I blushed deeper but let a small, triumphant smile creep onto my lips.  Unbeknownst to him, of course.   _Oh, if he had the slightest clue..._   "I don't know."   _But right now, I don't care._

He groaned again, then I felt cool air rush over my skin when his touch disappeared.  I leaned up on my elbows to see what the teasing was about but he was unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way before shrugging it from his shoulders.  That gave me a clear view of what was distressing the pants he wore.  I shuddered at the sight of the snug fabric and felt flames ignite between my legs.   _Of course he's well equipped.  Did you expect any different?  He's freaking perfect._   His eyes followed to where mine were fixated and adjusted himself with his hand.  I shivered and moaned, then realized I'd been caught.  I let out a soft sigh and laid back to hide the fever he was bringing on.

I ran my hands down my body, over my breasts when I felt him lean a hand on my knee to rid himself of his first boot.  He bent over me to steal another kiss, then he laughed softly against my lips.  "One sec, baby."

My brow furrowed and I looked to see what was keeping him.  He was trying to shake his second boot off and it went flying toward the wall where it made a loud thud.  I jumped with the sound it made but he was able to calm my sudden fright with a light touch to the inside of my leg and another chuckle.  Amidst the seriousness of everything happening I was suddenly glad we were laughing.  It reminded me again that he was human, too.  Still, he remained on a pedestal in my eyes but I felt just the slightest bit more at ease.   _Try to relax now, Tess_.

"You're beautiful when you laugh," he said softly as he nudged me toward the center of the bed.  I scooted up for him and he was right back at it.  The humor was gone as quickly as it had come on as he ground his hips against my core.  His hands were lost in my hair as he kissed me, stroking, teasing my tongue with his own.  My body was getting hotter with each caress.  I was becoming needy. Wanting.  Crazed.  Moving my hands down his back, his muscles flex beneath my palms with each roll of his hips.  I could hardly wait to feel him work even harder once he was inside of me.

I pulled my lips away and moaned softly, moving against the rough texture of his jeans.  "Please, Q..."

"You said whatever I want.  Right?"

I nodded blindly as I tried to compose myself after the pressure of him against my core subsided.  "That's what I said."

His lips pressed against my jaw before his breath was hot in my ear, driving me wild.  "You know what I really want?"

"Hm?"

"I really...   _Really_  want to fuck you, Tess," he whispered.

My name from his mouth again caused a soft growl to emerge from the very deepest pit of desire within me.   _Fuck.  He needs to stop saying my name like that._ I squeezed my legs around him and hopefully that small gesture was enough to let him know he had the go ahead.  Let him know I was ready for whatever he was willing to offer me.  No longer did I feel any bit of trepidation about that very situation.  Fascination and thirst had completely taken over.  I pushed him back to his knees and worked my nimble fingers over his belt, tugging it from the loops before I threw it onto the floor.  Hungrily, they moved to the button and finally slid the zipper down to let me have a feel of what was hidden underneath.  I slid my hand inside and touched him.  To see how hot I'd had made him.   _Yep. Pretty hot.  No doubt about that_.

"Jesus," I muttered as I enjoyed the feel of his velvety, yet rigid skin in my grasp.  The look of ecstasy on his face was almost enough to make me come undone right there.  Right in that moment.  He didn't have to do anything else as far as I was concerned.  But he must have noticed the change in my disposition because he greedily pushed me onto my back and hooked his fingers in the waist of my panties.  I lifted my hips for him and the thin lace was easily discarded in a matter of seconds.

"Why don't we finish what we started first?" he asked.  I felt him dip between my thighs before his question registered.  Then I nodded like the sex-crazed idiot he'd turned me into.  Hopefully he didn't see that but there wasn't anything left in me that could possibly care. I shoved the hat from his head and tangled my hands into his disheveled, brown locks.

"I said whatever you want," I murmured while bending my knees to place my feet on the bed.  He quickly grabbed my ankle to bring it to his lips.  I spread my curls out beneath me and tried to prepare myself for whatever he was going to do to me.   _Oh shit, Tess.  Jackpot.  And it's not even your birthday_.

"Absolutely perfect," he whispered as he lowered his head.  When his mouth claimed me, it was as if we'd never been interrupted at all.  All those months ago.  His tongue swirled around my most intimate area and he had me crying out in no time.  My fingers tightened around his hair and followed every single, subtle movement of his head.  He would almost get me to the edge, then he would back off.

I groaned with extreme opposition to the torment.  "It's...  It's not nice...  The teasing," I gasped when his tongue slid along the length of my core.

"It's so worth it, baby.  Just wait," he told me.  The breath left my lungs when he immersed himself in me again.  His mouth was something truly, truly amazing.  How he got so good, I didn't want to know.  I didn't care.  I could silently thank the person or person's who taught him so well another time.  I didn't want to miss a second of the exquisite pleasure he was bringing me.

And clearly, I wasn't, judging from the way my back arched off the bed as his tongue worked faster.  Better.  Harder. "Oh.  My... God," I moaned.  I moved my hands from his hair and gripped the sheets instead.  The last thing I wanted to do was throw off the sweet, impeccable rhythm he had begun. "Yes.  Q.  Please...  Don't stop.  Please don't stop," I begged him.

He didn't.  He did everything I'd dreamed of him doing and then a little bit more.  And one hundred times better.  He didn't stray from his mission until I was a writhing mess underneath him, twisting the soft bedding in my white knuckled hands and crying his name.  Over and over until I could no longer find my voice.  My legs fell open on the bed and I moved a heavy arm to cover my face.   _That's the best fucking feeling in the world.  You can go ahead and die happy now._

"Fuck, you're sexy," he murmured while kissing his way up my body.  He lifted me for a moment to shed the bra I still wore.  I was nothing more than a puddle on that bed.  He could do anything he wanted to me and I wouldn't try to stop him.  Not after  _that_.  Then my ears perked up when I heard crinkling plastic.  My muscles tense and I was torn from my euphoria.

The daring portion of my brain told me to stop him and take control.  So I did.  I found his hooded, bedroom eyes as I took the wrapper from his fingers and tossed it onto the bed.  The look on his face was one of surprise but also hinted toward a little bit of curiosity.  I  _needed_  to do this for him.  After he'd protected me.  Defended me.   _Fuck yes you do.  Get on it already_.

I climbed to my knees and willed him to his back.  He was still confused but that didn't affect me in the least.  I ran my hands down his chest, over his dark hair until my fingers curled around the waist of his jeans to bring them lower, slowly sliding them from his body.  He was watching my every move.  I couldn't let that deter me.  I only got a thrill from the intense gaze.  Urging me on.  Him and I both exhaled a long breath when he finally sprung free.  My eyes landed on him and immediately, a tremor bled through my veins.  I'd only gotten a little preview of him in his jeans so the real, raw sight of him made me grin and panic at the same time.  I was suddenly wondering whether or not I'd be able to handle him.  He was remarkable.   _Don't worry about that, Tess.  Your body is made for him tonight_.  I managed to talk myself through the doubt and gently I ran my hand against the length of him.

"Tess," he moaned.  I heard a bit of impatience in his tone so I grabbed the condom while he kicked his pants off.  I opened the wrapper, continuing to touch him, slowly rolled the latex down only to be met with a lower, deeper growl of my name.  I took that as an approving gesture so I situated myself over his impressive size.  He was still watching me, I could feel his stare but I was more worried about making sure I was ready to take him on.  My heart was racing and my palms were getting clammier by the minute.  I held him again as I primed the both of us before slowly, ever so slowly letting every delicious inch of him disappear within my body.

"Oh, shit," I hissed as he hit me deep.  He bolted upright the second he was completely buried and wrapped his arms around my waist.  His shoulders gave me some leverage to let me adjust to him.  I didn't realize how tightly I'd been holding onto him until I saw the red marks I left on his skin.  He was testing me like no one before but God, did it feel good.

"Take all the time you need, baby.  That's fucking amazing," he sighed.  He took advantage of my stillness and pulled my breasts into his hands.  Into his sweet mouth.  Nipping and kissing the soft, supple skin.  I knew he was just being nice.  He'd said he wanted to fuck me so I knew it wasn't going to be all soft and slow.   _Another body part of yours is_ _gonna be sore tomorrow, Tess_.

"I'm good," I whispered.  I moved a hand to the back of his neck and let the other slip into his hair as I began my very own erotic assault on him.  My hips rolled and worked him over, slow at first, but as I began to relax around him I pushed myself a little farther.  A little faster.

"Jesus.  That's perfect," he growled.  Like an animal.  The sexiest.  His breath was hot against my neck and that only made me want to work harder.  I pushed his shoulders and he fell onto the bed for me, giving me a little bit more freedom to make him feel good.  I flipped my hair back and leaned my hands on his chest as I continued.  I looked at his body underneath me and just the mere sight of him made my walls quiver again.  I bit my lip and found myself becoming even more attracted to him with each rotation of my hips.  He wasn't ripped.  That's what I liked best.  Super fit, skinny guys were never my thing.  Q was thick and healthy.  While he did have muscle definition, there was a sexy, mouth-watering softness to him.  Every inch of him was desirable and absolutely delectable.

I gasped when his upward thrust tore me from my thoughts.  The sounds he was making told me I was doing just fine but I had a feeling the tables might be turning any second.  I bit my lip and smiled sexily at him.  "Take me, Q.  Like you said," I whispered confidently.

Modesty was long gone out some window somewhere and it felt really good.   Absolutely freeing.  Something about this man beneath me, inside of me, brought out a different side of me.  One that I was beginning to like.  For the first time in my life, I was truly enjoying myself.   And he let me.  There was no judgement.  He wasn't laughing at me. And frankly, I didn't think he wanted me to stop.

He rolled me over an instant later.  My body was pressed into the mattress as he found his way within me again.  I gripped the foot of the bed while his hands slid down to my hips, driving into me with a sensual fury.  Again and again.  Harder.  Readily.  The rhythm he'd picked was so delightfully flawless, it drew my legs around his waist without a single word from him.  I arched my back when goosebumps covered my skin again and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from becoming too loud.

"Ugh, Q," I moaned softly instead.  I buried my face in his neck and held onto his back as more quiet sounds escaped me.  I hardly had to think about my hips matching his hurried thrusts, my body was heeding his all on it's own.  I even felt myself clenching him, pulling him deeper with each movement he made.  Then I lost it a little bit more when he sat back on his knees, wrapping his hands around my thighs when he began to tear into me some more.  The friction between us caused me to squeeze him with each wave of pleasure that was about to shatter my control.  Out of no where. I didn't know what was happening until I reached frantically for his wrists and managed to find them at the very last second.  My brows pulled together and my lips parted as my second orgasm raged through me.  A slew of curses filled my ears when he felt me unravel for the second time.

"Fucking...  Hell, Tess.  That's unbelievable," he whispered heatedly, bending to capture my lips.  I slid my hands onto his waist and broke what he meant to be a deeper kiss so I could look down to where our bodies connected.  The after affects of my orgasm still shuddered through me and only intensified when my eyes landed on it.  Pushing in and pulling back.  He was perfect.  He felt perfect.  Everything he was doing was...  Perfect.  I knew that night was going to be incredible but I seriously, seriously underestimated it.

"Does it feel good, Q?" I murmured. I trailed my tongue down to his ear lobe before sinking my teeth into the tender skin.  I didn't know when I'd gotten the nerve to talk dirty.  And it wasn't even dirty, really, just...  Audacious for me.  And it felt good.  He slid one hand to my ass while his other dug into my hip.  I could feel him getting closer.  His thrusts were becoming more frantic as he searched endlessly for his own release.

"Yes, baby.  I fucking love it," he confessed in a heated, sweet breath.  He gripped my skin harder and I whimpered until he let up when he began to tremble.  He became rigid with his hips and I felt him finally let go.  The sexiest sounds I'd ever heard came from his chest as he collapsed on top of me, a gasping, panting heap of a man.

When he collected enough of himself, he raised up to place kisses over my neck, my jaw and finally my lips.  I smiled lazily up at him and gently tucked his hair back behind his ear.  I didn't want to be the first to say anything because I was sure something idiotic would come out my mouth.   _Not a word, Tess_.  His leisurely smile matched mine and he kissed me again.  I felt him pulse within me once more before he retracted and rolled onto his back beside me.

"Holy...  Shit.  Just, wow," he muttered, running a hand over his face.

"You're tellin' me," I laughed softly, at myself and at his admission while I stared at the ceiling.  I tugged the sheet up over my bare skin and let out a satisfied, content sigh before my mind started to whirl again.  I wanted to bask in the afterglow of what was surely the best sex of my life just a little bit longer, so I managed to keep my thoughts at bay.

"I like that I can do that to you," he said quietly.

"What?" I replied, glancing over at him

" _You know_..." he went on, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

I shook my head.  "No.   I  _don't know_."

He rolled onto his side to face me and spread his hand across my stomach beneath the sheet.  "You had another orgasm."  His brows were still raised but they were more expectant that time.

I shivered with the contact but my mouth fell open when he put  _that_  out there in the open.  My face heated and I laughed again.  "I, uh...  Yeah, I guess I did."  I shrugged because I had no other idea about how to reply.

"Mmm.  Sexy," he said as he pressed his lips to my shoulder.  He threw the covers from himself and got up to discard the evidence of our satisfaction in the bathroom.  When I heard the door shut, I jumped from the bed to find my clothes.  I was sure the last thing he wanted was for me to hang around.  And the last thing  _I_  wanted was for him to think I expected anything more from him.

We'd both gotten what we wanted.  Granted it was months down the road, but at least it finally happened.  I could get on with my life now, knowing that I'd finally had him.  I yanked my jeans on and clasped my bra next, then grumbled softly when I remembered I was going to have to do the walk of shame in a bloody t-shirt.   _Fuck._

"Oh well," I mumbled as I threw it over my head.  I was slipping my flip flops back on when he emerged from the bathroom.

 _Shit_.  My eyes flew to him and I froze.  He was standing in the doorway in all of his naked glory and I couldn't help but let my gaze drop to the delicious package between his legs.  My faced blazed a deep red so I reeled myself back in and stepped into my other shoe.

"Um, so...  Thanks, Q.  For tonight.  And I..." I began.  I'd barely gotten a full, intelligent word out before I was already going down in flames.  He was supposed to stay in the bathroom while I made my escape.   _Dammit_.

"That's it?" he chuckled.  I clamped my mouth shut and watched him walk to collect his boxers.  He slid them on and grabbed his hat.

I shrugged and twisted the handle of my clutch tightly in my hands.  "I just assumed you'd want me to go..." I trailed off. _  
_

"I thought we talked about the meaning of assume, Tess," he teased as he sat down on the edge of the bed.  I honestly had no clue what to do with myself at that point.  My heart had begun to pound against my rib cage and my palms were becoming sweaty again.

He stared back at me, looking calm and collected while my anxiety got the best of me.  "Right.  Yeah, I forgot.  Um, you want me to get you some Motrin?  Or some ice, maybe?"

 _Well, no one said you were brilliant, Tess_ , I thought as I fought not to smack my forehead.

He laughed again and he seemed to be enjoying the humiliating show I was putting on.  "No. I don't need either of those things," he told me.

_Then would you freaking tell me what it is you want so I can get out of here and wallow in my shame alone?_

"Are you sure?  Your face looks..."

"Bad.  I know," he smiled.

"That's not what I was going to say," I quickly told him.  I found my footing and swallowed back any more of the apprehension that threatened to leave my mouth.

"I know.  I'm teasing, Tess."  He got up, closing the space between us when he wrapped his arms around my waist.  "So, why did you assume I wanted you to leave so soon?" he asked.

My stomach dropped and my lips opened, but nothing came out.  I had nothing.   _Think of something!_

"I can see the gears turning in there, pretty girl.  Talk to me," he said.

I took a deep breath as I stared up at him. "Well, I don't know.  I guess I just thought you wouldn't want another girl wearing out her welcome..."

He laughed softly and tucked a loose curl behind my ear. "Another girl?  You think I do this often?"  I shrugged again and became uneasy in his arms.  I fidgeted with my purse and sighed.  "If I wanted an escape plan, Tess, I wouldn't have asked you back here to  _my_  room."

My eyes shot up to his in disbelief.   _Calm down, you fool_.  "Oh," I muttered.  Then I leaned my forehead against his chest to hide my face.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I'm so bad at this.  I just...  I lose all of my cool when I'm around you, Q.  I don't know why."

He rested his chin on the top of my head and pulled me closer. "Tess.  I'm just a guy.  Like any other."

 _Hardly_.  "No you're not," I sighed.

He laughed wholeheartedly once more and I felt myself getting smaller by the minute. "Why do you say that?"

I pushed away from him and walked back toward the middle of the room, away from the door. "Because you're famous.  You're a celebrity.  And to be honest, you make me nervous as hell.  That's why," I blurted.

He crossed his arms over his chest and eyed me with playful curiosity.  "Blah, blah, famous or not, Tess.  You make  _me_  nervous," he confessed.

I stopped my pacing and looked over at him.  "You're full of shit."  I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as the words left me.  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

He didn't take any offense to it because he was grinning.  "Do you know how freaking hot you are?  I've taken a lot of shit because of it."

"What?  Why?"  I shook my head since I didn't understand.

"The guys didn't believe me when I told them we had a thing," he said with a shrug.   _Holy shit, he thought we had a thing?_    _So what.  Don't even think about making a big deal about it._   Then he smiled again while my stomach churned with indecisiveness.

"Q, I-"

"And they still don't.  But they've got another thing coming to them."

It was my turn to laugh.  I kept it quiet and short as I headed for the door again.  I didn't know what else to do.  He caught me by the waist and brought his chest to mine.  "If you're the hit it and quit it type, I get that.  And I guess I can be okay with it.  I'd do it all over again because it was..."  He looked away for a moment.  "Pretty frickin' amazing."

 _Was it ever_.  And I was the farthest thing from 'hit it and quit it'.  That was Liv's territory.  But like I told him before, I certainly wasn't going to make myself at home just because we'd slept together.  I had to go, plain and simple.  I blushed before I could stop it from happening but I managed to look up at him anyway.

"Goodnight, Q," I murmured.   _Please kiss me again_.  Just one more to complete this whole experience was all I needed.  Or so I thought.   I didn't know how I was going to feel when I got to my own bed. Alone.  After crazy good sex with him.

His expression fell a bit but I chalked it up to his chivalry.  He really had been a sport about the whole thing.  Especially after the punching incident.  "'Night, Tess," he said before leaning down to press his lips to mine.  I kissed him back just for a moment.  I had to pull away much too soon for my liking but I didn't want to get carried away.  Not that I thought he would want me again in the first place, so I nipped it in the bud before I could be any sort of let down.

I slipped from his room and headed to my own with so much more to say.  I didn't know where to begin but I knew I wouldn't have another chance after adding that catastrophe to the mix of one of the best nights of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

I managed only few hours of sleep throughout the night after leaving his room but it still wasn't enough to keep from completing zoning at the seminar the next day.  I sat in the conference hall among hundreds of other officers from around the country but I could only think of one particular person.  And one night that was sure going to stick with me for as long as I stayed breathing.

I'd only seen Liv briefly in passing that morning since my detective symposium began an hour before whatever one she had decided to go to.  Part of me was glad because I wasn't ready to gush to her about what went down.  I wanted to keep him all to myself before I let anyone else in on the risque, delicious details.

The closing of countless laptops made me jump and suddenly realized I was going to get grilled by her sooner than I thought.  As I walked out of the large room, Liv was waiting patiently just outside the door.  I didn't have a chance to even try to avoid her before she grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the exit.

"Okay, Tess.  This has been like the longest day ever.  You have to tell me  _everything_ ," she ordered.

I pulled my hand back and laughed while we stepped out under the hot afternoon sun.  "Well, hello to you too."

"Cut the crap and spill it, woman," she demanded.  I walked slowly down the sidewalk toward the van that had brought us there.

"It was so good, Liv.   _So_  good.  The best, ever," I began and I felt myself drifting back to him, back to his room, to his bed.  And I bit my lip at the sheer thought of him.

"How big was it?  Come on.  You have to tell me!" she sang, hanging onto my arm again.

"Seriously, you are not asking me that question right now," I groaned.  Pulling my aviators from my shirt pocket, I slipped them on my nose while I shook my head.

"Seriously!  Don't hold out on me!"

I pursed my lips and hesitated but I knew there was no getting around it.  "More than adequate, trust me."

She giggled and jumped around like she'd been the one to score last night.  I laughed at her enthusiasm, but I found the smile leaving my lips before I knew it.  I had gotten my one night with him but deep down I knew it would never be enough.   _Such is life, Tess_.

"Okay.  So now that we have the most important detail established, tell me more!  What was it like?" she went on.

I fought not to roll my eyes, then remembered my sunglasses so I did anyway.  "I said it was good."

She stopped in her tracks and pretended to pout.  "I thought you'd be happier than this.   You're so ho-hum.  What gives?"

I shrugged and faced her.  "I'm never gonna see him again, Liv.  I don't wanna make a big deal out of it so-"

"Whaddya mean?  Yes, you are.  We have tickets to their show tonight.  How could you forget?" she cut in.

My jaw dropped because I  _had_  completely forgotten.  That's what was in the envelope from the hotel.   _Shit, shit, shit_.  "I...  I don't know."   _Could I really find the nerve to see him again?_

"You didn't bolt on him again, did you?  For the love, please don't tell me you ran out," she said in a huff.

"Well, not really.  But kinda.  He kinda caught me in the midst of it.  Then he said that if he was hoping for an easy escape he would'a come back to my room or something.   I don't really remember exactly.  But I told him I didn't want to over stay my welcome.  So yeah,  _t_ _hen_  I left."

"Oh for crying out loud, Tess.  We seriously need to work on your game," she groaned.

I didn't say a word on the ride back to the hotel.  Though I wanted to, I just couldn't get one in edgewise.  I was quietly scolded and taught a thing or two by Liv the entire fifteen minute drive.

"We're going to see them before the show so get your ass in the shower and I'll pick something out for you," she told me once we'd reached our room.

"Liv, I don't need your-"

"I said shower.  Now," she reiterated and I listened.  I slipped out of my work boots and walked into the bathroom.  I thought about everything she said while I cleaned up.  First, I had to stop trying to act like someone I wasn't.  I didn't do one night stands.  I was better than that.  I was a good judge of character.  And though I might not have wanted to admit it, I never would have let myself sleep with someone if I truly, truly thought all they wanted was sex.

It was amazing what other people could pick up on.  I hadn't thought about any one of those things.  She knew me almost better than I knew myself.  But I guess that's why I called her my best friend...  The sister I never had.

She tore me from my thoughts when she popped her head in.  "What are you thinking?  Wanna maybe show your legs off tonight?"

I pulled the curtain back and looked at her as if she were crazy.  "When have you ever known me to wear a skirt?  Plus, I don't own one," I replied.

"That doesn't mean I didn't bring one.  I just thought I'd ask," she said.

I laughed.  "Yeah.  Like I'd fit into something of yours."  There was no way.  She was inches shorter than me and much tinier in general.  My five-foot-eight frame carried a little muscle, too.  Thanks to the long gym visits and marathons she dragged me on.  But we were required to be in top shape for our job, too.  So I was glad she had enough motivation for the both of us.  Otherwise I wouldn't go.

"You might be surprised," she called as she let the door shut.

I pictured myself in one of her skirts that surely wouldn't cover nearly enough if I tried it on.  I laughed out loud and finished shaving my legs before climbing out.  "I don't need my ass hanging out for all to see.  But thanks anyway."

She shrugged and had my favorite ripped jeans out on the bed with a casual black, loose-fitting short sleeve.  "I figured you might wanna wear black tonight.  Ya know, in case anyone gets punched again," she said nonchalantly.

I burst into laughter and a deep blush as I blotted the excess water from my hair.  "Gee, thanks."

"Always thinkin' about ya," she snickered and disappeared into the bathroom.  I got myself ready while she took her turn in the shower.  My curls dried nicely again with the same texture I achieved the night before and threw a few bobby pins in to keep it away from my face, then dabbed a little perfume in a few secret places before I got dressed.

An hour later, we stood outside of the hotel and waited for a cab to take us downtown.  I put my aviators back on when I noticed the attention Liv was drawing.  She was outgoing with everyone, saying hello and striking up conversations with complete strangers.  Not that I minded that night since there wasn't a single asshole or douche bag in sight.

"So, are you going to tell me why we're going so early?" I asked once we were seated in the cab.

She kept her eyes out the window as we began our trek.  "I don't know.  Sal just said to come hang out before the show."

"Why?"

"I said I don't know," she laughed.  "Maybe Q told him he wanted to see you.  Have you heard from him today?"

I shook my head.   _Not a word_.  But that was my own doing.

"Well?"

"No."

"Hmm," she pondered.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

She turned to face me.  "What does what mean?"

"Hmm?" I repeated though my version was exaggerated.

"Nothing.  Would you relax?" she laughed again.  I rolled my eyes and kept to myself the rest of the way.  I knew she had good intentions, most of the time, but that didn't mean I still didn't get upset when I knew there were things she wasn't telling me.  It might have been minuscule but it bothered me nonetheless.

When we got to the theater, the line to get in was already at least a hundred people deep.  Females mostly, too.  My stomach fell a little bit when I realized what I might be dealing with.  Not that I assumed him and I would go anywhere but I was truly intimidated by the amount of fans they had.  Women or not.  They were a big deal.

"I hope we're going in a different way.  I really don't feel like getting screamed at tonight," I told her as we climbed out.

"You really don't have any faith whatsoever, do you?" she asked, pulling her phone out.  She dialed someone, probably Sal, and had a short conversation to let him know we'd arrived.  Two large men found us and led us to the back entrance.  A few girls tried to follow once they noticed us but they were easily apprehended and sent on their way.  Not without some vulgar, catty protests mind you.

Backstage was bustling with employees and people from the tour and I felt my nerves beginning to go haywire again.  It was going to be a true peek into what their lives were like.  This is fame.   _Who'da thunk you'd ever be in a position like this?_   I smiled politely when I made eye contact with a woman who stopped talking mid-sentence as Liv and I passed.  It felt a little odd but we kept up behind the security guard who'd let us in.   He showed us to the green room and let us know the guys were inside.   My palms had the familiar clammy sheen over them so I allowed Liv to enter before me.

"What's up guys?" she sang once she stepped inside.

Excited voices and hollers erupted after she made herself known and I sluggishly made my way in behind her.  My breath left me when the aura of the room sank in and though it wasn't on purpose, I searched for Q.  I found him a moment later getting his eye tended to by make-up in the corner.   _Oh hell in a hand basket.  You totally forgot about the shiner he was sporting that you're to blame for._

"Tess!" Joe called out once I came into his view.  I was torn from my brief moment of remorse and smiled up at him.  He hugged me tightly and I couldn't help but notice Q turn in my direction from his chair.  I said hello to the others and remained under Sal's arm while Q finished up.  My hands were trembling so I gripped my clutch a little bit harder and a little bit closer.  Liv was making her way around the room like it was a freaking walk in the park and ended up on one of the couches talking to Murr.  Or James.   _Or was it Murray?_    _Fuck_.  I couldn't remember.   Not with the anxiety rattling my head.  I watched as the make-up artist leaned down to blow on Q's cheek and I couldn't help but stare as a tiny prick of jealousy washed over me.   _Stop.  It._

I tried to take a deep breath that was  _almost_  convincing enough to calm my nerves.  Not quite.  The moment he raised from the chair and headed toward me, I was even more on edge.  I floundered when he tried to hug me, too.  We both bobbed the same direction and ended up doing a strange half-hug that was absolutely mortifying.  A deep, deep blush adorned my cheeks that didn't allow me to make eye contact with him.

"Seriously?  We can do so much better than that.  Come here, pretty girl," he laughed and wrapped me in a bear hug instead.  He didn't allow enough time for me to wrap my arms around him, he just crushed me tightly against his chest before he set me down.

Once I was back on my own two feet, I smoothed my shirt and found the tiniest bit of courage to look up at him.  "Sorry.  I didn't mean for that to be as awkward as it was.  Hi," I laughed.  My posture remained stiff and tight as I crossed my arms over my chest.  It didn't matter how many times I told myself to relax, it just wasn't going to happen.  Especially after my ungraceful attempt at a simple hello.  I even got a glare from Liv who pointed and gritted her teeth as she silently demanded that I talk to him.  I shrugged at her, then his voice brought my attention back.

"You're fine.  How was your seminar today?" he asked while he walked to the open cooler in the corner.

I followed him and let my arms fall to my sides.  He offered me a beer and I graciously accepted.  I even threw back a quick swig before I answered his question.  "It was really good.  Informative."   _Yeah, like you retained any information.  You were daydreaming the whole time._

"What was it for again?  You must have told me but I forgot," he continued as he cracked a Bud Light for himself.  He leaned back against the table with a lackadaisical ease.  And let's not forget sexy.  He wore a plain black t-shirt and another pair of dark jeans.  Maybe the same ones from the night before.  I almost began to drool as I took the sight of him, then suddenly it dawned on me that he'd asked me a question.

"Oh, um.  Detective stuff.  I don't think I told you about it," I replied.  I held the frosty bottle against my chest and forced myself to look at something else in order to keep my mind from drifting to the night before.

"So you're a detective now?" he continued.

I laughed and shook my head.  "No.  Just an deputy."

" _Just_ an deputy?  Tess, cops have it pretty rough.  I've seen it firsthand.  And they don't let just  _anyone_  carry a gun," he laughed.

I finally allowed myself another peek at his handsome face.  "Ah, yes.   The whole firefighter thing.  Right."  I nodded.   _So, instead of thinking about the amazing sex from last night, you're going to picture him in his old work uniform?  Great idea_.  Then a silence fell over us.  I was looking at him while he stared straight back at me.  I swallowed hard and wondered what was going through his head.   _Does he want to touch me?  Kiss me?_    _What am I doing here?_

He smiled sweetly instead, putting a damper on my girlish hopes.  When he opened his mouth to speak again, he was cut short by a shout into the room to let them know they had ten minutes to show time.  I took a breath and tried to finish my beer to get out of his hair.  I didn't want to keep them from any pre-performance routine.

"Tess," he said.  I turned to him and was met with his chest against my shoulder while he slid his hand onto my back.  "You don't have to slam it.  Take it with you."  His body heat radiated into me and I found myself blushing again.

"Okay, good.  I was never a good chugger," I laughed.  Then I closed my eyes.  Partly because I'd just gotten hit with a taste of his intoxicating scent and the other reason being I had to curse at myself for saying something so ridiculous.   _Seriously?_

When I opened them they found the beautiful, voluptuous blonde woman from earlier entering the space.  She proceeded to make her way around like Liv had, hugging each of them and making small talk.  When she came to stand before Q and I, I stepped away.  Her embrace with him lasted a bit longer than the others but I looked away before I could see how he responded.  She clearly had an in with them and I was barely a blip on his radar.   I decided to walk toward the exit where Liv had been.  Regrettably, I glanced back at him once more before I turned the corner.  I thought he might have had something else to say to me, but Blondie vied for his attention once more with a tug to his shirt.  So, naturally, he gave it to her.

While Liv and I found our seats, which happened to be very close, she leaned over and situated herself.  "Who do you think that chick was, T?"

"I don't know.  A friend, maybe?" I shrugged.  The way she put her hands on him and the familiarity she had with him made me cringe so I tried not to think about it.

"Do you think she was a groupie?" she snickered.

I laughed with her and shook my head.  "I don't know.  Maybe.  She certainly fits the look," I told her.

"Right?  And I thought it was just me," she cackled.

The house lights went down a moment later and the crowd erupted into cheers and curdling screams around us.  While the opening act was entertaining, I couldn't wait to see whatever they had in store for the thousands of excited fans.  It moved along quicker than I thought.  They came out right after the first comedian and I had to plug my ears to save my hearing when they did.  It was so incredibly loud that I was taken aback.  I was in awe.  I was no where near aware the extent of their fandom and it was much more in your face than I had originally thought.  Maybe I should have watched the show with Liv.   _No, then you'd be screaming right along with these other girls_.

And as it turned out, not only were our seats in the second row, but we were planted right in front of Q's microphone.  And by that, I had to know there had been a little scheming going on unbeknownst to me.  Our eyes met on more than one occasion and each time they did, I was laughing.  Then he got the privilege to explain the birds and bees to the crowd.  Which I'd also learned he had to do in front of his parents some time ago.

I grabbed Liv's arm and leaned to her ear.  "I can't believe they made him do that," I said all the while keeping my gaze on him.  He knelt down on the stage in front of us when the talk of the female anatomy came into play.

"What an awful word, right?" Q asked and my face flushed.  My body heated too, but I found myself rather interested in where he might go with what he was about to say.  "It's such a terrible name for something that is so...   _So_  beautiful.  And  _so_  tasty..."

Liv grabbed my arm again and murmured, "no fucking way."

I barely heard her as my jaw dropped.  His eyes were on me.  Daring me.  Never mind the squealing, underage girls in front of me who probably didn't know what it meant.  It was just him and I in that theater.  My stomach twisted into a knot the longer we stared.  After that, there was not a single doubt in my mind that I wanted to end up in his bed again.  If he'd have me, of course.   _He can't just say something like that and get away with it.  Oh.  Hell.  No._

Then I let him see me wet my lips.  I made sure to go extra slow and I crossed my legs, giving him a preposterous smirk in the mean time.  I watched him bite into his lower lip before he stood again, grudgingly, forced to go on with the show.

I calmed my desire after that and enjoyed the rest of the show.  Liv and I snuck out before a majority of the crowd departed to head to a local bar.  We walked down the street in search of a suitable pub but I could think of nothing but him and the suggestive looks he'd given me.  I really didn't care where we wound up.  Give me an overcrowded bar and put Q in the middle, I'd be happy as a damn clam.  I would find him.  I felt I was drawn to him.   _After one night?  You're nuts_.  Maybe I was but I believed he also wanted something to happen again.  Time would only tell.  And it was running thin.  We had to go back to Louisiana the next afternoon.

We found a saloon not too far and slid into a wooden booth once inside, my ears perking up when I heard my phone chime.  Then my hands began to tremble when I saw it was him after all.

"Don't just fucking stare at it!  See what he said!" Liv barked.  Country music blared over her through the speakers and managed to drown out any negative thought I could possibly fathom.

Q:  So, what did you think?

_Hilarious.  My cheeks still hurt._

Q:  Good.  We have meet and greets that will take about an hour or so.  What are your plans then?

I thought about sending him something suggestive but I reeled it back in and decided to behave.

_Liv and I found a bar.  Not a lot of people.  You should come by when you're done...  If you want._

Q:  Yeah.  I think I'm definitely gonna want to see you.

My heart thudded in my chest.   _Even after all your blundering, he still wants to see you?_ I quickly moved my fingers back over the buttons.

_Not kidding, it's called Humperdink's.  It's down the street from the venue._

Q:  Ha!  Hard to miss then.

_True.  See you when I see you._

I closed the screen and looked up at Liv who was staring intently at me.  "What?"

"Well?  Is he coming?"

I nodded shyly.  "I think so.  Whiskey me.  Please."

"No," she laughed.  But I promptly ordered one on the rocks when the waitress came over.  I wasn't going to have trouble  _thinking_  about putting my hands on him, it was the fact that my nerves were going to keep me from forming coherent sentences.  That and I wasn't sure if he'd want me to touch him.

So, two glasses and a handful of country tunes later, they finally arrived.  All four of them.  Then Blondie and a few other scantily clad women.  I'd expected at least Q and Sal, not the whole crew.  I was happy and surprised nonetheless.  I met Liv's gaze quickly when I nodded toward the group of girls who went to the bar.  She shrugged, then grinned.  I was standing at the jukebox, shimmying to one of my favorite songs when I felt a pair of hands on my waist.  I turned, softening my expression when I saw him.

There was no apprehension, absolutely no hesitation when he leaned down to kiss me.  It came out of no where and I certainly wasn't complaining.  My back met the glass of the music player and I couldn't help but grab onto his arms.  "You like this song?" he asked when he parted from my lips.

I nodded and chalked the flush on my cheeks up to the liquor.  "Yes."

"I didn't know you danced," he went on, pressing his hips against my own.

I was feeling a little buzzed, a little daring.  "I don't," I breathed.

"Sure looks like you do," he groaned, moving his hands up and down my sides while keeping his body firmly against mine.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I scoffed playfully, then  I looked around the deserted bar to brush it off and slid my hands to his forearms.

"Did you hear me stuttering tonight?  Fumbling over my words?"  He leaned in to kiss my jaw and I shook my head.  "The way you were looking at me, Tess, I couldn't handle it.  Then I see you moving the way you were just now..."

His admission made me laugh.  Or maybe it was the whiskey.  "Stop."

He shook his head and moved his mouth against my ear.  "No.  I'm not gonna stop.  I don't want to be here right now.  I want you.  In my bed."

It was my turn to appreciate the soft groan he drew from me.  I squeezed his biceps as my body shuddered.  "We can't be that obvious.  You should have a drink," I whispered as he pulled away.   But he kept his face close. Close enough to stare into my eyes.  They told me he wasn't kidding around.

"You're too fucking sweet for your own good, Tess," he murmured.  Then he let me up.  I collected myself and his arm wrapped around my shoulders.   _We should at least hang out for a minute, right?_   I couldn't just drag him away from a night out because I wanted to do dirty things with him.   _Right?_ Right.

I waved at the group who had surrounded Liv and leaned against the booth with my half full glass.  I saw the knowing look on her face so I tried to focus on something else.  That just happened to be Joe.

"How's your head, sweetheart?" he asked as he made room for me beside him.

"It's good.  I think I healed up without any permanent damage," I chuckled.

He matched my laughter but his was much louder and boisterous.  "I hate to tell you this, Tess, but there's permanent damage in there if you're hangin' out with Q," he chortled.

My jaw dropped to the floor and I looked to Q who closed his eyes and shook his head.  I grabbed Joe's arm and pretended to be insulted.  "That's not a very nice thing to say."

Joe wrung my neck and leaned closer after more banter ensued around us.  "I'm just givin' ya a hard time.  He won't shut up about you, actually."

I swallowed my drink down and met his piercing blue eyes with a slow nod because I hadn't been expecting that from him.  At all.  I thought they were going to razz me the entire night.  I smiled at him and hoped I didn't give too much away.  I didn't want them to see that I was in lust with him, I'd rather give off the vibe that I was just in it for a quick, good time.  Then I saw the look from Q that let me know he was ready to go.  Five minutes ago.  That was until Blondie sidled up beside him, leaning up on her heels to whisper something into his ear.  Then he looked at me and smiled.

I raised from my seat anyway while he pushed away from the booth and met me in front of the table. "Q, if you wanna stay and hang out some more, we don't have to-"

"We're going.  Right now," he murmured against my hair.  I shivered again and nodded before I said my goodnight's.  A slew of innuendos and comments from his friends chased us right out of the bar.

I was laughing but my cheeks were pink again by the time I got to the cab.  Between the thoughts I was having about him and our rather obvious-to-everyone reason we were leaving, I couldn't form one logical sentence to save my life.  Even with my good friend, Jack Daniels on board.  Luckily, the tension between us was more than enough to fill the silence.  We both knew what was going to happen once we stepped foot into whomever's room he decided.  Maybe he'd choose mine tonight so he  _did_  have an escape route after we got our second fill.  I wouldn't know that until we got to the elevator.

To my surprise, I wasn't able to visualize what number he selected because he pushed me against the wall again the moment we entered the small space.  Just like the night before.  He attacked me with a desire that was so infinite that I didn't know how to react.  My mind was whirling but thank God my body knew what to do.  It knew exactly what I wanted.  I threw my arms around his neck to pull him against me and I even slid my thigh up against the outside of his to bring his hips flush with mine.  I needed it  _that_  bad.  I had no more worries of what was going on with the mystery girl.  That moment, he wanted  _me_.

"Ugh, Q.  I can't wait anymore.  I don't care where we go.  I just need to feel you," I breathed once he gave my mouth a break.

He groaned and shoved my hips roughly back against the wall.  "I know, baby.   We're almost there. Two more...  Floors."  His lips were on my neck and his hands were in my hair, tilting my head back for better access.

I could barely recount how long we'd even been in the elevator let alone where it was taking us.  I didn't care.  I just needed privacy with this man.  He dragged me from the car once the doors opened for us and continued down the hall.  My heart stopped the moment I realized we were going to his room again.  His key card let us in without a problem and he shoved the door shut behind him.  Not bothering with the dead bolt, he kissed me fervently and moved me toward the bed.  My hands hungrily pushed his shirt up and he tugged it over his head as I fell back onto the mattress.  The covers were still a mess, either from his sleep or maybe even previous night's encounter.  I didn't know which and it certainly didn't matter.  The fact that no one but him had touched his bed since I'd been in it was the sexiest thing I could imagine.

My chest was heaving as he paused a moment to take me in.  I kicked my flip flops off and scooted toward the middle when he bent to remove his boots again.  Everything was going so much smoother that night.  Like it was supposed to. Somehow, we'd already worked the kinks out.  The door gave us no trouble and he didn't have to fight to get his shoes off.

"Tess..." he hissed as he pulled me back to the edge.  He bent to capture my lips while gently removing my shirt.  I leaned forward to deepen his kiss and worked his belt undone.  I felt him straining against the denim he wore so I moved my fingers faster in order to push the pants from his hips and he nudged me onto my back where I abided his wish.  The way his fingertips grazed my skin was enough to force me into complete submission.  I was at his mercy.

"Q.  Hurry," I begged in a whisper, lifting my hips to hasten his already hurried process of undressing me.  He grunted and tore the jeans from my legs with ease.  Every other bit of clothing was shed in a matter of seconds, then the rest was a blur.  There was the tearing of plastic and he was on me.  Pushing inside me.  So deliciously.  I arched my back and wrapped all four limps around his warm, thick body.

"Fuck.  Me," he groaned against my skin.  His face was buried in my neck with one hand beneath my head and the other gripping my hip.  "Shit, Tess, baby...  I would get you off first...  But I just...  I can't wait any longer."

I shook his confession off because not an ounce of my being wasn't already completely satisfied.  I didn't have time for foreplay anyhow.  I just wanted him inside of me.   I dug my nails into his shoulders and tried to match his thrusts but his fierce, powerful hips trapped me against mattress.

"Jesus," I whimpered.  Then his teeth sank into my ear lobe.  I moaned louder and with every bit of my strength, I pushed at him until he rolled over for me.  I leaned down to kiss him passionately as I situated myself over him.  He was already out of breath and his hair was an absolute mess on the pillow, so I smiled at him as I let him sink between my thighs again.  The air left my lungs in a soft sigh and I pressed my hands against his chest.

"Tess..."

"Q..." I groaned right back.  Smoother than I imagined, I started a slow rhythm that helped me adjust to the feel of him at that angle.  Every third or fourth roll of my hips he would hit the deep, hidden spot within me and I would hiss.  Then shudder.  And want it all over again.  His hands were there, on my hips, guiding me, urging me faster when he felt I was ready.

"You are so...  Goddamn.  Fuck, that is sexy, Tess," he breathed as one hand slid between my breasts, forcing me to sit up straight.  I did as he pleased because I wanted to, no, I  _had_  to make him feel incredible.  A part of me wanted him to remember this as much as I was going to.  His fingers continued to my soft, pink buds that were hidden by my thick curls that he easily pushed out of the way.

I slid up and down and let him sway me toward the ascent of my sweet, sweet indulgence.   _Who needs foreplay when you have something as beautiful and perfect as him inside you?  Just...  Like...  That.  Oh fuck._ I gasped his name when it hit me out of no where.  I claimed his wrists in my hands before ultimately letting myself go, holding them tightly as he gripped my hips to keep himself buried inside of me.  Unraveling right there on top of him, I pressed my eyes shut and let my head fall back as each marvelous wave of my orgasm showered my body.   _That_  was an experience only two nights old.  And one I'd only had with him.   _So mind blowing._    _How are you going to go back to life without him, T?_   I quickly shoved the thought aside and focused back on my prize.

As I caught my breath, I found his eyes fixated on me with an inconceivable look and an equal, disbelieving part in his lips.  "Do you have any idea how good that feels?" he asked.

I smiled sheepishly before I started up again.  "I think so," I whispered with hooded, hungry eyes.  I didn't know what else to say to the utterly appetizing expression he wore so I began with a quicker tempo than before.  Abruptly, he sat up and grabbed the back of my neck to bring our mouths together.  I wrapped my arms around him and welcomed the embrace, but didn't allow him to even think about distracting me.

"That...  What you do, Tess...  Is unbelievable," he whispered when he laid back again.  A shiver ran through me and I felt a sudden confidence overtake.  I pushed my hair back to give him an uninhibited view of my naked body moving over his.  One that I wanted only him to have.  It didn't take much more from me to accomplish what I was determined to do.  Although I could have probably kept at it all night, I was glad I was able to bring him euphoria so easily.  He sat up again to wrap his arms around my mid-section before the heat blazed between us.  From him and all into me.  I held onto him, cradling his head against my chest when he finally fell apart.  His breath was hot and so sweet against my damp skin that I had to take a moment for myself to revel in the feeling of submission to the pleasure.

The trail of his fingers down my spine a few moments later made me arch and snicker as I clung to him.  Then the throb of him bound within my walls quickly chased away the humor.  I even found myself giving him one more good squeeze before he carefully helped me onto the sheet beside him.  I collapsed in a pile and found myself laughing softly again.

"What's so damn funny?" he asked as he raised off the bed to clean himself up, not before giving my butt a good smack.

"Hey!" I yelped, grabbing for his hand that was already long gone.  He disappeared into the bathroom and I found myself upright the instant the door shut.  I slid off of the bed to find my clothes but decided dress slowly.  I needed to at least  _try_ to redeem myself from the night before.  I didn't want to think I was running out to get far, far away from him.  That was the last thought on my mind.  I figured I would talk to him for a few minutes, thank him again and we would go our separate ways.  Satisfied as all get out.  _That seems okay, right?_

"You can't wait to get away from me, can you?" he asked when he came out.  I gawked at his nudity again momentarily before I looked at his face.

"That's not what I'm doing," I said uneasily as I buttoned my jeans.

"It sure looks like you're leaving," he replied, climbing back into the bed.  He tugged the sheet over his waist and propped a hand behind his head.  Then he turned the television on.

I shrugged.   _That's it?  You're going to shrug at him?  You're such an idiot.   And let's not forget asshole.  You're also an asshole._ But I still couldn't find the nerve to ask him what exactly he wanted from that night other than what we'd already done.  And I was trying my best not to assume anymore.  So I walked to him, bent over his lap and placed a long, slow kiss to his lips.

"Stay," he whispered.  My eyes shot open and I pulled away.   "Take your clothes back off and just...   Stay, Tess."

My knees went weak.  The breath I had in my throat hitched and my brow furrowed.  "Q, I-"

"Tess," he sighed.  I shut my mouth.  "Tell me why you won't and I'll let you go."

Again, no words formed.  Of course I wanted to stay a little while longer but I couldn't tell him that.  I gave him an unintentional precarious look when I sat down on the mattress beside him.  The sensible part of me was still too shy to give in.  And I was nervous.  I didn't know what to believe.  I didn't know what he wanted.   _Was he being sincere?  Or was he just being gentlemanly because we slept together again?_ I couldn't figure it out.  My head told me to run.  Run far away.  But my heart was twisting in my chest and it told me to stay put.

"I'm sorry if I'm being a too forward...  If I'm asking for too much.  The last thing I want to do is change your mind if you've already got it set on something else.   I just want a little bit more of your company.   That's all," he told me.  I stared back at him like the buffoon I was.   _How could I possibly even fathom the idea of disappointing him when he tells you something like that?_   And especially after two nights of exquisite sex.

 _You can sneak away later, Tess.  That way he'll know for sure that you're not going to hang on to what you two had._   I'd never been the clingy type.  I knew what that got you- sidelined.  And fast.  I wanted him to know I was going to be okay whichever way this went.  So that maybe one day down the road he might want to call me up if he was in town.  Or at least be open to the idea of seeing me again.  I could only hope.

"You're not, Q.  You're-"  His lips covered mine before I could finish.  Then his hands slid beneath the hem of my shirt to push it over my head.  And I let him.  But I wasn't sure if I was ready for another go round with him just yet.  The dull ache between my thighs was a clear reminder that he'd just been there.

"We can order room service, rent a movie. Whatever you want," he whispered.  I melted a little bit when I heard his charming compromise, then I laughed against his mouth as he situated me over his thighs.  "Just stay."

With full, brutal force he was trying his best to get me to relax.   _I think_.  And I felt myself buckling.  Just the slightest.  "Did you say something about food?" I kidded.  He laughed and slid his hands up the curve of my back to the clasp of my bra.   _Enjoy him, Tess.  Even if it's just for tonight._   Gently, I tucked his soft, messy hair behind his ears and mirrored his sudden serious gaze as his fingers delicately tugged the lace from my chest.

"Q..."

"I like you naked, Tess.  I can't help it," he replied, tossing my bra onto a chair in the corner.

I blushed horrendously but let him continue anyway.  He tugged the jeans from my legs next but granted me my panties as he went to find the menu.  I rolled onto a pillow to follow him with my eyes.  He found his hat and a pair of boxers as well before he joined me again.  Bravely, I slid my hand onto his thigh when he sat back down.

"What sounds good?" he asked.

I shrugged.  "I'm not picky."   _Just give me you, here, naked in this bed with me and I'll be good for a lifetime_.

"I can tell," he mumbled jokingly.

I picked my head up as he walked back.  "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him as I feigned insult.

He chuckled softly and sat down beside me.  "Nothing."

His answer didn't satisfy the curiosity I had about his comment but I decided to leave it alone for the time being.  We settled on a few things to order and had our late dinner in the comfort of his bed.  I found myself actually relaxing with him as we both recited lines from an old comedy he found on one of the movie channels.  As the credits rolled, I was laid across his chest, running my fingers lightly over his stomach.  I listened to his slow heart beat and steady breathing and suddenly found mine doubling in speed.   _What now?_

"You wanna brush your teeth?" he asked quietly.  His fingers were doing the same to my bare shoulder, causing a shiver.  My stomach dropped and I swallowed.   _If you say yes, you're committing yourself to staying even longer.  You know that, right?_

"Um, sure," I said as I raised up.

He smiled at me and got out of bed to turn the bathroom light on.  There was a toothbrush in the gratuity basket on the counter and I found myself laughing because it reminded me of his celebrity status.  He was catered to, whether he tried to deny the fame he had or not.  Then the little negative voice in my head sounded again.   _You don't matter to him, Tess.  You're just the girl he hooked up with in Texas, nothing more.  Don't you dare go getting your hopes up_.

I glared at her reflection in the mirror before bending to rinse my face.   _If I don't matter, why did he ask me to stay?_   I wasn't sure.  But I was going to go with it.  See what happens in the morning when I get up before him and try to leave without him knowing.

*

It was pitch black when I awoke for the first time in his bed.  After we'd both gotten ourselves ready, we settled beneath the covers to watch another movie and fell asleep not long after that.  As my eyes tried to adjust to the complete darkness, all I could see were the red numbers from the clock reading three-thirty-eight.  But his hands were on me again.  I felt him at my back, chest pressed to me.  His fingertips left a trail of goosebumps down my arm and he slid his fingers between mine.

"I can't sleep," he whispered.  I smiled tiredly and stretched my body against him.  The trail he was making continued across my collarbone to between my breasts and rested on my hip.

I snickered quietly, "you're insatiable."  I couldn't see him, I could only feel the havoc he was starting to wreak on my overly sensitive skin.  A shallow throb returned to the crest of my thighs that invoked a long breath from my lips.  His mouth was everywhere.  He started with my ear, moving lower to the back of my neck before I felt his hair tickle my chest when he rolled me over.  It danced over my breasts so delicately I whispered his name in the darkness.  His hands followed closely behind and I arched off the bed, desperately trying to get closer to his touch.  I was completely aware of every single feather-light caress due to the absence of sight.

"It's your fault," he replied.  His palms spread my thighs and right then, I knew I was in for another delicious endeavor with this man.   _Sweet Jesus_.  And that's just what it was.  Sweet.  Consuming. Addicting.  Intoxicating.   _Fuck a duck, you are gonna be so screwed._

It was slow and easy at first, but he still had me panting beneath him as if I were running a marathon.  In the dark.  Tangled in the sheets.  It was big change from our last two rendezvous but I welcomed the sluggish, lazy pace.  He was taking his time.   His hands moved seamlessly over every inch of me, very curve and crevice with a gentle appreciation.  I could feel it in the way he touched me.   _You're not just some random girl, Tess.  He's enjoying himself.  For the third time mind you,_ I tried to tell myself. The weight of him on top of me, inside of me was almost too much to handle.  I hadn't done much of anything but give into him again and I was already craving more.  I didn't want to be away from him. Away from  _this_.  His hand cradled the back of my head as he worked my hips, sending sparks to every single nerve ending and back again.

"Q," I moaned, burying my face against his neck.  I inhaled his scent, squeezing myself around his body buried deep because I didn't want to let him go.  Every time he withdrew, my body was begging him back within me again.

I could feel him beginning to climb, his movements were becoming the slightest bit more intense so I lifted my hips, giving him the access to slide just a bit deeper.   _Oh.  Yes_.

His muscles tightened.  His breathing was becoming more frantic.  Heated.  I followed suit and clutched him harder.  I couldn't help myself with him.  It was just too good not to.

"Tess...  Sweetheart.  Do one thing for me," he grunted sweetly, sliding his hand to the back of my thigh to tug it around his waist.   _Oh God, what was I doing wrong?_

I froze in self-doubt but gasped when he hit that secret, deep-seated spot within my body.  "Anything," I breathed, letting the sudden fear dissipate.  I slid my hand into his hair and the other down to feel his muscled back thrust his hips forward.

His next confession sent me into a complete frenzy.  "Please...  Call me Brian.  I need to hear it from you...  Before you make me come."  He moved just the slightest bit faster and before I knew it, it was happening.  Again.  For the third time.

"I'm...  You can't...  Oh, Brian..." I sputtered, attempting to wet my lips.

"Yes," he drew out.  "Yes, baby.  Tess, let me feel you."  It was as if he had some sort of hold over me because my body obeyed him.  It gave in and I dug my fingers into his skin and I knew I'd do just about anything to feel that good again.  The pleasure spread through my groin and reached my toes as I shattered beneath him.  Trembling and panting his name over and over.  Just like he'd asked.  My head was spinning as I came down and sighed breathlessly.  I wanted to know how he was able to do that to me.  I had to.  I'd had orgasms before but it was usually on my own.  With him, I didn't even have to  _think_  about touching myself.  I couldn't comprehend a single good answer.   _Maybe he just has a magic package_.  I laughed out loud at my thoughts and that stopped him.

"What?" he asked.  I could feel his smile against my cheek and my body flushed with adoration for him.

"Nothing.  I just...  I don't know how you do that to me," I confessed.  I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him.  From up there the moonlight shown through the slit in the curtains and I took in the sight of him in the blue haze.  My body claimed his and I began to move slow, relishing in the after effects of my orgasm.  I could feel myself clench him a few more times before I worked tirelessly on his release.

"That's it, baby.  Just like that," he murmured.  He grasped my breasts again and they fit so perfectly in his hands.  I covered them with my own and swirled my hips in slow circles, creating an entirely new, body shuddering sensation.

I whimpered softly when his hands moved to my waist to push me a little bit further.  I bit down on my lip and had to grip his thighs behind me.  "Brian..." I whispered.  He moved me with ease until he couldn't take it anymore.  His body shot up and forced me onto my back again. He held my wrists above my head so he could attack my neck heatedly with rough kisses and teasing, back-arching nips to my jaw.  I murmured his name again, allotting him complete control over me until he collapsed.  When he let me go, I placed my lips against his temple, his forehead, then delicately over his bruised eye and the split in his cheek.

"So fucking good, Tess," he breathed.

"Mm-hmm," I cooed, smoothing his hair back.   _Wait a second. Brian?  What the hell?  Is that his name? Oh sweet Jesus, Tess.  You've slept with this guy three times and you don't know his real name?_ My face blazed with a blush so severe that I was sure he could feel the heat coming from it. _Not exactly your proudest moment, now is it?_

"Be right back," he said softly as he withdrew.  He stopped at the bathroom door to look back at me.  "And don't you even think about sneaking outta here, Tess."

I laughed and curled up underneath the sheets and I was fast asleep again in a matter of minutes.

*

Sunlight poured into my eyes some time later and I cursed silently.  It was truly morning and I'd forgotten to leave while he slept.  His warmth, his embrace wouldn't let me.   _Yep, that's why you didn't go.  Right_.  His arm was draped lazily over my waist, his breathing slow and even against the side of my neck.  I let a smile creep onto my lips when his hand moved across my stomach to interlace our fingers together.

"Good morning," he murmured sleepily.  I brought our hands to my chest.

"Morning," I replied.

He nudged the sheet up with his elbow and slid our hands beneath.  The brief rush of cold air hardened my nipples and I bit my lip.  "Tell me it's still the middle of the night."

 

"'Fraid not," I frowned.  He grumbled unhappily and snuggled closer.  I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot.  I lifted my head and looked at the clock and I was surprised to see that we'd actually gotten a few hours of sleep.  It also reminded me that my flight was drawing closer.  "I should get going."  Then there was a knock at the door.  My body tensed while he remained completely lax behind me.

"Not yet," he said stubbornly.  I rolled to face him and cradled his head to my chest.  He sighed softly between kisses to my skin.

"Should you get that?" I asked.

He shook his head and continued.  "It's nobody.  Not important," he murmured.  Then it sounded one more time.

I giggled quietly.  "Q..."  Whoever it was, they were intent on getting him to answer.  But he didn't.  He remained in my arms, determined.

"Brian, baby.  Remember?" he corrected.  I clamped my mouth shut and nodded.   _Round four?_   I didn't know if I'd be right for days.  But there was no way in hell that I was going to pass up one last chance with him.  His morning excitement brushed my thigh and I moved my leg against him.  Up and down until he growled and pressed me onto my back.  His hands held mine while his lips attacked my neck.  Followed by my mouth.  Jaw.  Ear lobe.  Forehead.  _God, could this be any better?_

"Mmm..." I hummed in approval, rolling my hips against him.

"You are perfect," he whispered.  I shook my head then heard the crackling of plastic and I was soon consumed by him all over again.  I could tell he was trying to take his time but the heat between us simply wouldn't allow him to.  He rested his weight over me while he moved his grip to one of my thighs and tugged it around his waist.

"Yes," I cried, arching my chest to his.  His moans were so unbelievably sexy and the following animalistic sounds sent me over the edge.  My legs began to tremble and I bit into his shoulder while my hands tangled in his hair.  He must have come with me because we both caved into a heap together not soon after and his warm breath in my ear sent shivers through my core.

"Are you sure you have to go?" he asked, placing kisses over my face before withdrawing.

My brows pulled together at the immediate absence of him from my body.  "I have to work."   _Grumble.  Stupid responsibilities_.

"That's too bad," he teased before pulling the covers over his head.  My heart sank due to the cold feeling I got from his words.   _No, that's just in your head.  Don't worry.  Not yet._

I allowed myself to get a little more shut eye with him before my phone went off.  I reached for it, hoping the annoying, dated tone wouldn't wake him.

Liv:  Hey.  Sex kitten.  You're still in his room, aren't you?  I hate to burst your bubble but we need to get going soon.  I'll be expecting ALL of the details when you get back down here.

_I'm up, I'm up.  Grrr._

Silently, I slid from the warmth and found my clothes while he continued to sleep.  As I hooked my bra, another knock nearly made me jump out of my skin.  I quickly threw my shirt on, looked over at him to make sure he was still out before leaning up to the peephole.   When I saw who it was, my stomach plummeted and my heart began to pound.   _Blondie.  What was she doing at his room?  Was that her earlier?_

"Tess?" he called once he realized I was missing from the bed.

"Y-yeah?" I stuttered as I came into view.  "Someone's at your door again."

He grumbled like an angry little kid and threw the covers off.  I snickered quietly as I watched him pull on his boxers and plop his baseball cap on again.  He kissed my lips quickly before he opened the door.

"Hey, Q!" she exclaimed, then her voice fell off when her eyes landed on me.  "Oh!  I'm sorry.  I didn't realize you had company..."

"What's up, Cam?" he asked, tugging me under his arm.  I looked at her in all of her beautiful, morning glory.  Her blonde hair was perfect and her face was just as flawless.

She stuck her hand out to me, ignoring Q's question.  "I'm Camille, a friend of Q's."

"This is Tess," Q told her.

I shook her hand and gave her my best smile even though I didn't know what exactly was happening. "It's nice to meet you.  I think I saw you last night.  Sorry for not introducing myself earlier.  I didn't know you guys were friends," I said.

"Don't be silly.  No one said Q was polite," she giggled, giving his arm a soft punch.  Then it was quiet.  I shifted on my feet uncomfortably.

"What's up, Cam?" he repeated.

"Right!  Well, I came by earlier to see if you wanted to go to breakfast but since you didn't answer I grabbed you a coffee instead.  Sorry, Tess.  Like I said I didn't know he had company or else I would have gotten you one, too."

"No worries.  I was just headed out anyway," I replied.

"Thanks," he said.  He took the cup from her and they shared a few more words before the door shut again.  I slipped my flip flops on and smiled at him when he walked closer.  "Sorry about that."

I shrugged it off.  "Don't be."  I turned and collected my phone and my purse.  "Thanks for everything this weekend, Q.  It was really...  Great."  _That was an understatement_.  I felt him behind me and that stopped me from what I was doing.  His arms slid beneath mine and he held his phone up in front of us.

"Smile," he chuckled.  My mouth fell open and I tried to slip away from him. His free hand grabbed me around the waist and held me in place.

"No!" I whined, trying a little harder.  "I am in no shape to be photographed right now."

"Why?  You look beautiful," he told me.  I stopped fighting and looked up at him.  His expression was serious so I swallowed back my pride and looked at the camera.  I wrapped my hands around his forearm and leaned back into him while he snapped the picture.

I let the blush consume me, thankfully afterward.  I grabbed my things again and moved toward the door.  This was it.  The fateful, hopefully  _not_  awkward goodbye I'd been dreading.  He caught my arm before I got too far out of reached and pulled me against his chest.  His hand smoothed my wild curls back and cupped my face before he pressed his lips to mine.  God, he was sweet.  Sexy.  Funny.  And quite the intense lover.   _What do I say?_

"Listen," he began.   _Oh shit, here it comes.  Stop him!_

"It's okay, Q.  You don't have to say anything.  We had fun," I cut in.  I kissed him once more and tried to push myself from his grasp but he held me firmly.

"What if I want to?" he chuckled.  I stared up at him and decided I better shut up.  "What I was  _going_  to say is that I don't normally do this, Tess."

I nodded as if I understood, but I didn't.  "What?"

He gave me a playful glare then sobered again.  "Tell me you'll see me again."  His words came out in a slow exhale, like he'd been holding it in and it felt good to let it go.

"W-what?"  I didn't mean to laugh, it just slipped out. "You're busy.  You don't have to-"  His lips cut me off and he slid his hands onto my bare back underneath my loose shirt.

"For what you did to me, I'll make time," he breathed between kisses.  I wanted to believe him but he was famous and I was just a girl from Louisiana.   _Not that last night was any sort of random_.  It wouldn't work as much as I'd gone back and forth with myself over the past twenty-four hours.  And I really didn't want him to feel like he had to say something to make what we did any more of a big deal.

"I have to go," I said quietly.  Mentally, I smacked my hand to my forehead.  If I stayed any longer I was sure I'd screw it up.  Somehow.  Worse than I already was.  And I didn't want to ruin the past twelve hours of amazing, incredible sex.

"Call me when you get home so I know you made it okay," he added, accepting the fact that I was fleeing again.

"Sure," I lied.  I gave him a reassuring smile and opened the door, stealing one last glance at him before I left his room for good.  I walked a few steps down the hallway before I stopped to lean against the wall, taking a moment for myself.   A moment that was quickly interrupted with her smokey voice. Like she'd been waiting for me to leave.

"It was nice meeting you, Tess," she said again in passing.  She walked right back to his door that I'd just walked out of.

"Uh, yeah.  You too," I managed to say.  My brow furrowed only for a second before I pushed off and headed toward the elevator.  I tried not to let it bother me but I knew I would fail miserably.  I stepped into the car and hit my floor.   _Stop freaking out, Tess.  She's his friend.  Nothing to get worked up about.  Anyway, you just lied to him about texting him later when he clearly said he wanted to see you again_.

I grumbled out loud and suddenly became very disappointed in myself.  Liv's pep talk from the day earlier certainly had no effect on me.  Not the one I'd hoped but that was quite obvious.  I still let everything get in the way of it.  Well mostly my stubborn attitude was to blame.

My mind whirled, wondering if anything he had said to me might have some truth to it.   _Of course it did, you idiot.  Did you see the way he looked at you when you said goodbye?_   I still didn't know for sure and it was going to make me crazy if I didn't try to get my mind off of him.  I had a full six days of work to get back to.  That would keep me busy.  At least that's what I was going to tell myself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courage is being scared to death... And saddling up anyway. -John Wayne

With a particular heaviness weighing on my shoulders, Liv and I flew back to Louisiana later that afternoon.  I was trudging through the parking lot when she grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to a brisk walk.  She even grabbed the bag from my shoulder and tossed it into the empty bed.

"Okay, we're finally alone and I've actually got you awake so I want you to spill everything.  Jesus, did you guys get  _any_  sleep last night?" she asked as we both climbed into the sweltering cab.

I laughed at her and settled into my seat.  "Drive.  I want to go home."  I did.  I was exhausted, for good reason, and I just wanted to hide away in my bedroom the rest of the day.  I rolled the window down to let some air in, not realizing I'd drifted again until her voice pulled me from a memory.

"Earth to Tess!  Spit it out already! What happened?"

I took a deep breath as a blush came over me and situated a leg beneath me.  "It was amazing, Liv.  Of course it was.  He was amazing.  Four times last night, amazing.  Gah," I gushed.

"Amazing, huh?" she teased.

I rolled my eyes at her mockery.  "Shut up.  Yes.  So let me enjoy what little bit I have left."  I sighed the more I thought back on it and leaned my temple against the headrest.

"Whaddya mean?" she asked, pulling onto the highway.

I shrank away from her because I knew she wasn't going to be happy with me.  At all.  I gave her a simple shrug instead.

"Tess Hudson, tell me right this instant.  You didn't do anything stupid, did you?" she groaned.  "What did you say?  Or more importantly, what did  _he_  say?"

I leaned forward to turn on the radio hoping to drown out her scrutiny.  But she wasn't having it, she shook her head and promptly clicked it back off.

 _Just remember, you were no big deal to him.  Liv will understand and she'll explain everything_.  "It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.  I tried to just say goodbye, then he kissed me again..."

"And?"

I shrugged once more.  "I don't know.  We kissed a little bit more and I left."

"Oh, come on!  You or him had to have said something."

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied.

"Tess," she warned and I knew had to go on.

"Ugh.  Fine.  So, he told me he wanted to see me again.  But whatever, I don't care.  It's not a big deal and it's over now, " I confessed.

Her mouth fell open but a grin soon took the place of her excitement.  "Tess!" she squealed, grabbing my knee.  It was loud enough for my head to turn in her direction.

"What?"

"That's, uh, kind of awesome.  So when are you going to?"

"What?"

"See him again!"

I shook my head.  "I'm not."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because.  It was just a line, Liv.  I'm sure he says it to everyone."  I looked back out the window as our little town came into view.

"I know you took a huge chance on this.  For real, I do and I know it's a little scary.  But I don't think you're giving him enough credit.  Or yourself for that matter.  You guys like each other.  You practically spent the whole weekend together," she told me, turning onto our street.

"It doesn't matter.  It was just sex," I mumbled.

"Bull shit.  I get it's still new and you can't keep your hands off each other, but you might have something."

"I don't think so."

"You know what?  You're acting just like your daddy, T."

She put the truck in park and I turned to glare at her.  "I am not."

"Yes you are.  Stubborn ass," she mumbled.

"Instigator," I shot back.

"Damn right," she laughed.  I climbed out, grabbed my bag and punched the numbers into the garage door's keypad.

As we walked into our cool, dark kitchen I went on like the glutton I was.  "I didn't say anything after that.  Well, I might have said I'd text him when I got home and I think it ended on a good note."

"I think you should text the guy," she quickly interjected.  I put my hands on the counter to stare at her.  "If he doesn't answer, then you'll know.  But I think he will."

I shook my head as I tried to convince myself that wasn't a good idea.   _If there's no response, you'll feel even shittier about sleeping with him.  Don't do it, Tess_.  "I'm going to lie down for a while."

*

Liv woke me a few hours later with a shake to my shoulder and I grumbled when I came to.  Every part of me was dreading the next eight hours that happened to be smack dab in the middle of the night.

"I can't wait to be on days," I mumbled.  I threw the covers off and dressed in my uniform before freshening up in the bathroom.  Tying my curls back, I glanced at myself in the mirror.  Briefly, I ran my fingertips over my neck where his lips had just been that morning.  My body shuddered with the memory and I quickly brushed it away.   _Focus_.

When I made it to the kitchen, it was nearing ten-thirty which meant I had five minutes to get coffee into my system and my work boots tied.  Liv came out in matching attire, though her hair was pulled back into a smooth, tight bun.  I hated how she didn't even have to try to look good while I could spend an hour on my hair and still come out a complete disaster.

"I forgot to tell you.  I met Blondie," I said as I raised from the chair to pour myself a cup.

"Really?  The groupie chick?" she asked, inquisitively cocking a brow.

"Her name's Camille.  Turns out she's been friends with the guys forever, I guess.  Came knocking at his door after you text me this morning," I continued.

"What did she want?"

I shrugged.  "She came by before that, too.  Apparently to ask him to breakfast but he didn't answer because he was...  Busy.  So yeah, she came back a little while later with a coffee for him."

She grinned at my innuendo then got serious again.  "She saw you leave the bar with him, Tess.  She watched you two like a hawk," she said, matter-of-factly.

I let her last comment roll off my shoulders and downplayed it as best I could.  "They're friends."

"She's so got a thing for him."

I laughed and walked to the closet where we stored our work belts.  "So?"

"He's got a thing for you and clearly that doesn't make her happy.  Did you text him?"

"Nope."  My answer was meant to be applied to both of the things she said but I knew she wouldn't take it that way.   _Change the subject. Change the subject_.

Her tongue clicked with disapproval.  "Since you just woke up, I'll leave it alone but we are going to talk about it again.  Remember that.  Ready, Freddy?" she asked, refilling both of our coffees. I grumbled again, grabbed my cup and walked outside to get in the truck.

The ride to New Orleans was quiet, which I thought would give me some relief but it only made things worse inside my head.  How I'd managed to fall asleep was beyond me.  The sounds of passing cars and motorcycles jolted me back into the world of the living and I leaned forward to take a sip of my coffee.  Liv had started my mind on a whole new tangent with the Camille insinuations.

"What's that big brain of yours stewing on now, T?" she asked.  She could always read me so easily but it seemed that she was even more intuitive when it came to my thoughts of him.

I didn't look at her.  I just held the travel cup between my knees while I picked at the edge of my leather seat.  "Nothing."  My eyes drew out over the body of water that flashed by us and we followed it all the way into the city.

"Not only are ya the most hard-headed person I know, but you're also a horrible liar," she quipped.  She didn't even have to think about it before it left her lips.

"You know exactly what I'm thinking about," I spat, taking another swig of the hot brew.  I thought about him.  The things he did to me.  The night we spent together.  Then, running into Camille that very morning.  Jealousy twitched in my gut as I thought about how much time she probably got to spend with them.  Q, mostly.  Because I liked him.  A lot.  I didn't want to share him with any other woman.  And certainly not the flawless blonde who was much better equipped to handle his hectic lifestyle.  I couldn't just drop whatever I was doing and fly across the country for a night.  I had a job.  A serious job and a city that counted on me being there to protect it.

Once arriving, we ventured inside to the locker room to dress in the rest of our uniform.  I slid the collared shirt on and as I was buttoning it up, my next question came pouring out before I could stop it.  "I mean, what does it matter, anyway?"

Liv glanced up at me in a slightly annoyed fashion.  "What?"

"Camille showing up to his room like that.  She's there for good.  It's that simple.  I was just a little vacation fling," I blabbed.

She laughed and pretended to play along.  "Then why are you still talking about it?"

Her raised, suggestive eyebrows forced me to turn away and I slid my vest over my head before adjusting the gun at my hip.  Though more words threatened to escape me, I managed to keep quiet.

Liv fixed the badge around my neck and put her hands on her hips next.   "You're not a fling, Tess.  That's why you need to text him.  I'm sure he's been waiting to hear from you," she told me.

"Alivia..." I groaned, throwing my hands into the air.  "Can't you just be on my side for once?  It was  _one_  weekend."

She laughed and fastened her belt then looked directly at me.  "If that's what you want to tell yourself, fine," she said.  My lips were parted to reply but she went on.  "I told you before.  You aren't me, Tess.  You don't do once and done.  In your case, what?  Five times and done?" she teased.  "Even if the guy's famous."

"Maybe it's time I changed that."

Again, she went along with it and dragged me through the bustling station.  We sat in the meeting room until all of the third shift officers arrived.  The same safety speech filled my ears before we were dismissed to start our shift.  Matthews, the only other officer in our district that we graduated with caught up to Liv and I walked outside.

"How was Dallas?  I feel like I haven't seen you two around in weeks," he asked.

"Aw, Matthews!  It was only two days.  You missed us that much?" Liv flirted.  I followed beside her until we got to the patrol car.  I unlocked the door and rested my arms on top of it.

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders.  "Maybe.  Do anything fun?"

I saw Liv quickly glance at me under the street light, then back at Matthews.  "Me?  No.  Tess here had enough fun for the both of us," she told him.

I gritted my teeth the instant I heard her suggestive tone.  "Liv!" I scolded, quickly getting behind the wheel to hide my embarrassment.  I started the Marauder and pulled my phone out to look at the time.  Eleven-seventeen.   _Shit_.  I didn't want to work.  I wanted to go back to Dallas and crawl back into his bed.

Of course, he had probably left the state just as we did only I didn't know where he was headed next.  I heard her laugh and flirt some more which pulled my attention from my phone and back to the task at hand, so I rolled down the window on her side.  "Would you get in the fucking car already?"

She shared a few more words with him before climbing in to look over at me.  "What?"

I shook my head, putting the car in drive. "Please, Liv.  He's like twelve," I said to her as I pulled onto the street.

She got a good laugh out from my comment and put her hand to her chest, exaggerating her response.  "Twenty-four, actually.  And so what?  He's still fine."

"Who even says that anymore?"  My eyes rolled that time and we drove into the night as dispatch immediately came through, radioing in our first call for help.  The first of many.  

*

"Tess," Liv said quietly.  I thought I'd heard someone in my room then again it could have been part of the dream I was having.  I felt someone nudge my arm and I realized it wasn't so I rolled over, shielding my eyes from the light that spewed in from the hallway.  "Wake up."

"What?" I snapped hoarsely.  I remembered the dream I did in fact have as I came to and I pressed my legs together in an effort to remember the way he felt between them.

"It's almost ten.  You've been asleep for eleven hours," she said as she sat down on my bed.

"Oh.  Shit," I mumbled, leaning up on my elbow.  Reality hit me and I had to be back on the road in less than an hour.

"I made some dinner and just wanted to see if you wanted some before I put it away."

"Sure.  I'm getting up."  I flopped back down on my pillow and bit my lip, gathering myself before I could face the world again.  I hoped that it was just a residual thought that brought on the dream and not something I was going to have to deal with on a regular basis.  Work the night before I had completely taken my mind off him and I actually hadn't thought about him, consciously, until just then.

"You all right?  You look flushed."

I laughed and buried my face in my pillow to muffle my words.  "Good dream."

I felt her weight leave the bed and she snickered, walking to the door way.  "About a certain bearded man we both know, I hope?  I'll make you a plate."

I laughed and tossed the covers off when she was gone, grabbing my phone to see if it was really ten.  Indeed it was and I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to find the floor.  My bare feet carried me to the kitchen where a plate of chicken and vegetables waited next to the laptop.

"Thanks," I called to wherever she was.  I sat down on one of the wooden bar stools at the island and cut into the chicken.  While I took a bite, I logged in to my Facebook account.  I hadn't been on in a while and my 'dumb' phone, as Liv called it, didn't have any internet capability.

The normal newsfeed appeared and I scrolled through it, seeing that my friends were up to no good again back in my home town.  But it made me giggle and miss them dearly. I took a heaping forkful of the squash into my mouth as I clicked on my notifications.  There wasn't anything I hadn't already seen in the feed so I moved on and saw that there was a pending request.  I clicked on the little red icon and stopped.  Frozen in mid-chew.

_Brian Quinn has sent you a friend request._

Not only had my jaw quit moving, but my heart stopped in my chest when I read over the words.  Liv walked into the kitchen to catch me looking like a squirrel packing his cheeks full for the winter.  She laughed and my eyes moved to her then back to the screen.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pouring coffee into her cup.

"Uh.  Nothing."  I shook my head and swallowed as fast as I could and wiped my face.  My fingers trembled as I moved the mouse from the accept link.  Then to decline.  Then back to accept.  I closed my eyes and hit accept, his profile instantly filling the computer screen.  My heart felt like it started to beat again only it pounded like a bass drum in my ears.

She leaned into the computer behind me and gasped.  "I'll be damned!  See!" she squealed.  "Click on his pictures!"

I pushed the plate away because my appetite had disappeared as the adrenaline pumped through my veins.  "What the...  How did he find me?  I'm pretty sure he didn't know my full name."  My words left me before I thought about them.  Then I did.  I slept with someone who hadn't even known my full name and I really hadn't known his.   _Nice, you hooch_.

She reached around me and clicked on his photo tab to pull up the first album.  "Who cares?  Maybe he saw it on your uniform," she said, helping herself when she browsed through his pictures.  Seeing him made my stomach twist into tight knots.  The good kind.  Again.  "This doesn't look like the public profile he has."

"Public profile?" I asked, my brow furrowing as I crossed my legs.

"Yeah, he's got a 'Q' profile that you can 'like'.  You know, for fans of the show and stuff.  But it's not like our pages.  Or this one for that matter.  This must be private," she tried to explain.  I wasn't exactly internet savvy, even in that day and age.  I got up because I needed to wrap my head around it and get coffee into my system before I dove any further.  I jogged upstairs to find my work pants and slipped them on, splashing some water on my face after I dressed.

Liv still sat at the computer on my page when I returned and I laughed at her, filling up the travel mug again.  "Do  _you_  want to date him?" I asked her, stirring in the creamer.

"Shut up, smart ass.  That Camille chick is all over his pictures, T."

"So?"

"You're too fucking nice for your own good," she mumbled, closing the screen to lay her hands on top.   "Not everyone is as nice as they are here.  I know all about females.  Especially females like  _her_."

"Liv, it's not a big deal.  She's been friends with them forever.  Who am I to even care if she's in some pictures?  And who am I to even get worked up about it?  I don't mean anything to him, nor is he anything to me," I said, leaning my hip against the counter.  She muttered something in frustration and left the kitchen to get dressed.  I made sure she was gone before I brought the computer back up and skimmed through his photos.  He looked so happy in all of them and it tugged at my gut whether Camille was there or not.  I had seen that smile in person just days before and I ached to see it again.

Liv entered the kitchen again and I quickly logged off.  I gathered what I needed and we were off for another all-nighter.  I felt more awake than I did the night before but that might have been because of the sudden burst of adrenaline I got at the house.  It would wear off soon enough.  It wasn't as busy but we were able to keep ourselves occupied.

At three a.m. we stopped back at the station for another dose of caffeine and a short break.  I sat down at one of the computer desks, deciding to check out Facebook.  But I knew, deep down, I just wanted to look at Q's profile again.   _Glutton for punishment.  That's you_.  After I entered my password, I took a deep breath as I waited for the normal page to load.  I was reading through the newsfeed when the chat box popped up in the lower corner of my screen.  My chest caved and I looked around, seeing Liv safely across the room flirting with Matthews.

Brian Quinn:  Thanks for accepting my request...  I'm glad you aren't completely ignoring me.

I sucked in a breath and looked around again before I typed, making sure no one was headed my way.   My heart raced and I had annoying jitters again.

_I'm not ignoring you.  What are you doing up?  It's 3 in the morning._

Brian Quinn:  Where was your text, then?  And actually, it's 2 here in New York.  I just got home.

My mind wandered to where he'd been or who or what he might have been doing.   _Why are you thinking about that?  He's a free man_.

Brian Quinn:  What are YOU doing up?

_On duty.  Midnight's._

Brian Quinn:  I can't stop thinking about you naked.

My cheeks heated and I reread the words to make sure that's really what he said.

_You can't say things like that right now.  I'm working._

Brian Quinn:  Ooh, are we being surveilled?

_Are you drunk?_

Brian Quinn:  Haha.  No.  I told you I'm thinking about you...  Naked...

_You already said that.  Stop._

Brian Quinn:  Why?

I grumbled softly.   _Oh, if you only knew, Brian Quinn_.  Ugh, that name.  I only found out his name was Brian the second night he'd been on top of me.  _Not your most virtuous moment, now was it?_

Brian Quinn:  Why didn't you let me know you got home safe?  I've been worried.

_Yeah, right._

Brian Quinn:  Cynical, are we?

That question shut my brain up.  I stared at the screen and thought hard about how to reply.  About the right thing to say.

_I'm sorry.  I'm just having a hard time letting myself believe you're as nice as you seem._

Brian Quinn:  Ouch.  Okay.

_I said I was sorry._

Brian Quinn:  Care to elaborate?

I pursed my lips and thought.  Could I?

_You're a celebrity._

Brian Quinn:  I'm still human.  And you, pretty girl, gave me one hell of a weekend.

Now my cheeks were blazing.  Beet red.

_You can't be serious._

Brian Quinn:  About what?

_All of this.  You have an indiscernible amount of women pining after you.  I'm sure you have a hefty list waiting to get into your pants._

Brian Quinn:  Ha!  And you don't?  Says who?

I let out a frustrated growl and put my hands back to the keyboard but couldn't find any words that didn't make me sound like an asshole.

_No.  And says everything I've learned about you._

He didn't respond and my heart sank.  But I was being honest.  Cynical too, like he'd said.  Maybe.  I had to protect myself from him somehow.

_That was an asshole thing to say.  I'm sorry._

Brian Quinn:  I've had the pleasure of getting to know you a little bit, Tess, and you're hardly an asshole.  I understand where you're coming from.  From what the internet says and what not...  But in all honesty...

Heart, meet stomach.   _Gulp_.

Brian Quinn:  I had a really, really good time with you.  I haven't been able to relax like that in a while.

 _After you just said that to him?  Holy shit_.  Sure, I'd been wrong before but I didn't think I was that time.

Brian Quinn:  You still there, pretty girl?

_Yes._

Brian Quinn:  Good.

_I'm sorry I didn't text.  I didn't want to bother you._

Brian Quinn:  Bother me?  Hardly.

My heart was back where it belonged but my stomach was wild with that damn annoying flutter.

Brian Quinn:  What time do you get off?  From work I mean...

I let out a relieved laugh.

_In about four hours._

Brian Quinn:  Call or text me then, okay?

_Break's over.  Gotta get back._

My breathing quickened as I sent my response and Liv poked her head in front of me.  I logged out before he could reply and quickly closed the browser.  "Shall we continue this shit show?" she asked, resting her arms on the edge of the cubicle.  

I nodded and stood, following her back to the cruiser.  The night dragged just as I had suspected since the short conversation with him.  I still didn't think I'd be able to call him after my shift. Or text him for that matter.  I needed to find some way to distract myself when I did end up chickening out and that was going to be rather difficult.

Luckily, I found slumber after the shower I took in the morning and I slept until the afternoon.  It was the warm sunlight that woke me.  That and the sudden, surprising urge to live on the edge a little.  He was thousands of miles away and I figured there would be no harm in small talk.  So, before losing my nerve, I reached for my phone on the nightstand to send him a text as I laid on my stomach, still stretched out beneath the covers.

_Good morning._

I set my cell down and rubbed my eyes and tried to ignore my already racing heart.  I didn't know if he would respond or not and I was even surprised I was able to send it in the first place.  I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling fan that went round and round, the pull strings dancing and clinking together above me.  My heart took a leap straight out of my chest when I heard my phone buzz with a reply.

Q:  I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I think it's dinner time.

_Shit.  I missed breakfast again?_

Q:  Yes, pretty girl.

I bit my lip when I read his response.  It only reminded me of when I was naked in his bed and how every part of me longed to be there.  I had no idea when I'd be able to see him again.  If at all.

Q:  You sure have a way of keeping me on the edge of my seat, Tess.  When can you come to New York?

My stomach dropped and I held my phone above me, rereading his message over and over to make sure I understood it correctly.  My heart drummed in my ears and my hands shook.

_Um..._

Q:  I don't care if it's just just for a day...  Or two days...  Whatever time you can spare.

I swallowed hard and nearly dropped my phone onto my face.

_I think I might have some time off at the end of the month.  Fucking work is crazy right now._

Q:  Baby, it's your turn to withhold the dirty talk.  I can't handle it when you're so far away.

A whole body flush overwhelmed me so I threw the covers off to find relief.

_Get your mind out of the gutter then._

Q:  Yes ma'am.  I'm really glad I didn't have to wait so long to talk to you again.  Sleep well?

_I thought it's only been forty-eight hours?  Yes, I slept good.  I can't wait to be back on day shift._

I yawned and got out of bed, shaking my head in total awe of everything that was happening.  I walked downstairs to find Liv in the kitchen watching their television show.

"Seriously, Liv?" I asked, grabbing myself a glass of tea.

"What?  They're so funny!  You should watch this one!" she said as innocently as she could.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes but I found myself planted right next to her to watch the rest of the episode when my phone vibrated on the counter.

Q:  What are you up to today?

I bit my lip and pondered my response.  I very well couldn't tell him I was fawning over him.

_Catching up on some TV.  Grabbing a bite before I head off to work._

Q:  I'm serious.  Let me know if you can get any time off.

Every sound around me went silent when I read his words and I could feel my heartbeat in every inch of my body.   _Okay, you better get on that, Tess_.

*

The next few weeks went by slow but I was able to talk to Matthews about what he'd be available to cover if I were to need it.  To my surprise and without question he was willing to do so.  I chalked that up to the little crush he had on Liv since our days at the academy.  He was ready for a break from his rookie partner too, so I didn't feel so guilty after all.

I skipped out on a lot of shut eye too since I'd stay up well into the day after my shifts to talk to Q.  I was hoping in the four days off I had coming up I'd be able to catch up on a little rest.  After getting familiar with his bed, of course.   _Holy shit, you're going to see his apartment_.   His personal space.  Maybe.  I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

It was just after eight in the morning when I arrived home with Liv.  Midnight's were still kicking my ass somewhat but my body was finally adjusting.  They had their up's, I guess.  I said goodnight to her and we parted ways in the house.  Trudging up the stairs, I stepped into the shower after shedding my uniform.  I let the hot water seep into my skin for about twenty minutes before calling it quits because I'd end up sleeping there if I didn't get out any sooner.  As I wrapped a towel around myself, my phone rang on the counter.  I knew exactly who it was and my body sizzled.  Only one person called me in the morning.

"Hi," I murmured, propping the cell between my cheek and shoulder while I wiped the foggy mirror with my hand.

"Good morning," he said quietly.

"Mornin'," I replied through a yawn, leaning against the vanity.

"How was work?"

I exhaled and pulled the terry cloth tighter to my chest.  "Good. Gutter punks decided to take a night off."

"Ha.  That's good.  What are you up to?  In bed yet?"  He rustled around and I knew he still had to be in his own.

"On my way.  Just got out of the shower, actually," I told him.  I grabbed another towel and wrapped my hair into it.  The line went silent and I wondered if I'd lost him.  "You still there?"

"You  _have_  to come to New York," he blurted.

His admission almost made my knees give out, then I laughed it off.  "I can't come to New York."

"Why not?  Just tell me when you can be here.  I'll take care of everything," he continued.

"Q."  I smiled, putting a hand to my forehead.

"I'm trying my best not to beg here," he groaned.  "I know  _I_  sure as hell enjoyed your company in Dallas and if you liked so much as a sliver of it, what's to stop us from doing it again?"

"Q, I...  I did enjoy myself.   I just-"

"Then what's the problem?  Come see me," he breathed.  I gripped the counter harder.  "I can take care of everything.  All you have to worry about it getting yourself to the airport."

"No," I replied.  He fell quiet and I grinned.

"Tess..."

"I'll come there.   _Maybe_.  On one condition," I began.

"Name it, sweetheart.  Whatever you want," he quickly replied.

"I pay my own way," I told him.

He let out a frustrated grumble and spoke through clenched teeth.  "I'm not sure I like that idea."

"Then I guess I won't have to pack up and travel a thousand miles this weekend.  I can catch up on laundry and chores instead," I teased.  I didn't know where my sudden burst of wittiness came from and I didn't want it to stop.  It'd been easier to talk to him over the phone but I knew it wouldn't last once I was standing in front of him again.  If I were so lucky to get another chance.  I enjoyed when he got flustered, too.  It got the attention off of my own blunders for a change.

"Seriously?  You'd rather do laundry instead of spending a couple days with me?" he asked incredulously.

I laughed, "no," then I closed my eyes for a moment to imagine the feel of his breathy groans against my skin, feeling the heat surge to my belly.   _Quit it.  He can hear you_.  They shot open and I was suddenly unaware if I'd actually made a sound or not.  "I, um...  So are there any places I should avoid when I book a room?" I asked him.

A quiet, devious chuckle filled my ear.  "If you've got your condition, how about one of my own?"

"Depends," I said in a taunting manor.

"You can go ahead and pay for the flight but there will be no talk of a hotel.  You.  Stay.  With.  Me," he said softly.  He was absolutely serious.  My laughter ceased immediately and my stomach dropped to my feet.  I was right back to square one, being the stuttering, nervous idiot.

"You don't have to do that.  I...  I can get my own room.  I don't want to put you out because I'm sure you've got plans," I stammered.

"Slow down," he laughed. I shut my mouth and stared at my reflection instead.  I honestly wondered what was wrong with me and how I'd managed to keep his attention for this long.

"Sorry," I muttered sheepishly.

"Don't be.  And I have no plans, Tess.  Other than the obvious," he said.

"The...   _Obvious_.  Right."

"You know what I mean," he went on in a low, sensual voice that more than clarified it for me.  My face blazed with a deep blush and my thighs slid together unconsciously as I again thought about the things we might do together.

We talked for a few minutes longer until I told him I would get started on finding a flight.  I didn't know if I would really be able to go through it, until I told Liv what his intentions were.  When she found one that didn't break the bank, I sent him the details with shaky hands.  After I hit send, reality of it sank in.  Kind of.  It still didn't feel any sort of legitimate but the confirmation on the computer screen told me it was.  In bold, black letters.   _Holy.  Shit_.  I was headed to New York.

*

When I left the plane eight days after our initial conversation about the trip, my stomach was nowhere near where it should have been.  It was lodged somewhere between my brain and my throat.  Completely immobile.  My hands were shaking and I couldn't believe that I had actually talked myself into flying out to see him.  Liv helped.  All week long.  She told me if I didn't get my ass on that plane, I'd regret it for the rest of my life.  Which I would have, but that didn't make me any less of a nervous wreck and I cursed at myself because of it.  I wanted to be that cool, confident girl I thought he was after.  Not the bumbling, trembling moron I was.  Maybe once the clothes were off and we were back doing what I thought we did best, my nerves would simmer down.  Only time would tell.

The airport was bustling and I felt like fish on dry land.  I'd been to a few terminals in my day but that was my first time traveling to New York.  I stuck out like a sore thumb.  When I looked down at my plaid button down shirt, I laughed.

There was a short, older man in a black suit that I saw through the crowd of passing people holding a small sign with my name on it.  I chuckled because I wasn't expecting that at all, but I couldn't blame Q.  The airport was busy and he probably didn't want to be bombarded with fans.   _Or seen with the likes of you_.

I managed a smile and stopped in front of him, leaning on the handle of my small suitcase.  "Hi there, I'm Tess," I told him.

He nodded and reached for my bag.  "Mr. Quinn is waiting for you outside in the car.  Let me get that for you."

"Don't be silly.  I've got it," I said.

"No, ma'am.  What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a lady carry her own bag?" he said sweetly as he turned, leading me to a black SUV that sat out at the curb.  He opened the hatch and set my bag inside when my eyes caught the back of Q's head.  His hair was shorter but it still poked out beneath a backwards baseball hat perfectly.  Everything about him came rushing back to me and I hadn't even seen his face yet.

The air had a chilly bite as it whirled around the arrival area and I realized that I hadn't packed accordingly.  Not that I could have by any means since I rarely saw cold temperatures in the south.  I wore jeans and a pair of brown boots, but the thin shirt hardly kept the cold wind at bay.  I pulled it tighter against myself as the driver opened the door and my eyes finally fell on him sitting in the back seat.  He looked at me and I stared right back at him.  The tension between us immediately thickened.

"Trying to impress someone?" I uttered as I stood on the curb.  The smile that crept across his face drew me in and forced me onto the seat.  The interior of the car was warm and I crossed my legs toward him but couldn't form another sentence.  Only texting and talking on the phone over the past month was certainly much, much different than seeing him in person like I'd initially thought.  He still had an air about him, one that intimidated me for some reason.

"Maybe," he replied, his big brown eyes holding my gaze.  They were endearing but didn't ease any of my hesitancy.  "How was your flight?"

"Unnerving," I laughed.  I swore at myself because for the life of me, I couldn't shake the feeling.

His brow furrowed and he adjusted his hat.  "Are you having second thoughts?"

I quickly shook my head.   _Hell no.  Are you kidding?_    _He doesn't really think you regretted getting on the plane, does he?_   "No.  I mean, of course I wanted to come.  I'm just...  I'm nervous," I admitted.  I looked down at my hands and wrung them together in my lap .

He laughed, draping his arm over my shoulders.  "I thought we were passed this.  It's just me.  I'm human, remember?"

"That's exactly why.  Because it is you," I breathed, finding a shred of confidence to slide my hand onto his knee while my other played with a button on my shirt.

I felt him shake his head and heard a grin in his voice.  "I think we'll be able to figure something out that'll help take the edge off."

My stomach somersaulted with his words and I froze.  The way he could make my entire body sizzle by simply putting words together into sentences was beyond me.  He always remained composed and captivating while I was a ridiculous bundle of anxiety.  I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he was still smiling, staring straight ahead as we exited the airport.  I leaned into his warmth and inhaled his delicious scent, trying to force my heart to slow back to a normal pace.  But because my mind was still anticipating what could happen in the moments that laid ahead, it continued to pound in my chest.

His sweatshirt was soft and heat radiated from him so I was enticed just a little bit closer.  I couldn't help but look out his window as the big city came into view.  The buildings were endless.  A sea of skyscrapers and beautiful architecture filled my vision and I found myself in awe.

"You've never been here I take it?" he asked, his hand moving to my back as I leaned over him.

"I've hardly been out of Louisiana," I muttered, completely distracted by the view around us.

"Well, we've got a few days to explore," he paused, clearing his throat, "the city, I mean."

My head turned to look at him after his last comment and I bit my lip because I knew damn well what he was getting at.  And his face was close to mine.  My insides twisted as I forced myself to sit back.  As the ride drew on, I was finding it harder and harder to keep my hands to myself.  The driver kept glancing back at us every so often and I didn't want him to assume I was some sort of fiend.

Everything was a blur the closer we got to the whirling city and I looked up at the enormously tall buildings that only ten minutes ago were so small.  I was taken aback and he found humor in something because he began to laugh beside me.  "What?" I asked, shrinking into the corner.  A self-conscious feeling overcame me and I blushed.

He smiled and rubbed his jaw, eyes sparkling.  "You're something else, you know that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."  I spoke softly as I prayed that the redness would leave my face.  He didn't say anything more about it.  He just smiled and gave me a look of amusement.  The warmth of my cheeks signaled to me that the color had only deepened so I tore my eyes from him to look back out the window.

The SUV stopped in front of yet another impressive structure and he got out to come around to my side.  It sat high off the ground so his hand took mine as I slid out, his frame minimizing mine.  He didn't let go as he walked to the back to grab the small suitcase I brought with me and shared a few words with the driver before we moved inside.  The lobby was nice.  Simple.  Just like on TV.  A bank of mailboxes covered the wall to my left and the elevator was just past them.

He dropped my suitcase as soon as the doors shut and we were finally alone.  My heart pounded in my ears again as we looked at one another and wondered who would be the first to move.  Just as I mustered up the courage to go to him, his arms surrounded me in a tight embrace.  He pushed me gently against the wall while one of his hands slipped behind my head to protect it from the impact of his body.  His knuckles brushed my cheek and his eyes moved from mine, down to my lips then back to my eyes again.  I wet them absentmindedly before his teeth delicately tugged on my lower lip, completely capturing them a moment later in a slow, heated kiss.  My hands instinctively gripped his sweatshirt as they were the only thing that held me up since my knees had given out on me.  Weeks full of pent up tension began to unravel in a matter of seconds right there in his elevator.  My fingers roamed, reacquainting myself with his body.  His hands were on me, too.  Taking everything in.  The bell dinged and the doors opened to his floor.

"I've been thinking about this ever since you left me in Dallas," he breathed.

I laughed to shield how nervous I still was and we separated only long enough to get inside of his apartment where he set my luggage on the floor and kicked the door shut.  My face was flushed but that time it was for an entirely different reason.  The need for him showed as my chest heaved in uneven, staggered breaths.  The cats at my feet scattered when his arms engulfed me and we stumbled backward into his home.  My rear met the back of his couch and I giggled against his mouth, then impatiently kissed him again.

"Q..." I breathed, running my hands down his chest.

He exhaled against my lips, moving his grasp from my hips to my ass to easily lift me off of my feet.  "Yeah?"  His lips found my neck and he carried me through his place.  I missed it all because I couldn't bare to open my eyes.  I was afraid that if I did, I would awaken back at my house in Louisiana.   Alone.   Everything he did to me felt incredible and I was ready to do it all over again.  We had four days this time.  I worked the buttons on my shirt and pulled it from my arms.

"This is better than I remember," I whispered as I felt myself sink into his down comforter.  My eyes opened lazily and I found him on his knees where he was untying my boots.

"What do you remember?" he asked in his hoarse, sexy voice.  I bit my lip as he slid the first one off then moved to the other.

"When I'm alone, I remember everything," I started, my breath hitching in my throat when his hands slid up my thighs and he rose to his feet, leaning down to kiss me again.  I pushed his hooded sweatshirt up and he paused to pull it over his head, then his lips were on mine once more.

"And?" he continued.  He was egging me on.  And I liked it.  I held back even though my words threatened to explode from my chest.  I wanted to tell him that I'd dreamed of him.  A lot.  That he made my brain fuzzy when I thought about him.  That I'd been slacking on the job because of him.  But I couldn't.  I didn't want him to think of me as another obsessed fan.   _Shit, was I obsessed with this man?  Calm it down, Tess_.

"The thoughts...  And...  The memories I have are nothing compared to the real thing," I told him between frantic kisses.

A groan escaped his throat with my words and I moved my hands to his belt, pushing his t-shirt out of my way.  He straightened as he looked down to watch my diligent fingers.  He pushed my curls back, moving them behind my shoulders and the contact made me shiver.  "I can't believe you're finally here."

My thighs trembled and I moved with eagerly to quickly shove his pants to his ankles.  He yanked the fabric of his t-shirt over his head and threw it behind him then nudged me back onto the bed.  Heart racing, I obeyed his request to lie back.  His fingertips grazed the skin of my lower stomach while he undid my jeans and my eyes fell closed again.

"Yes..." I sang, lifting my hips so he could remove the denim from my body, one slow pant leg at at a time.

When I heard them finally hit the floor, his palms slid up my thighs again and roughly yanked my underwear down.  Inhaling sharply, my eyes shot open to watch him.  The look on his face told he was hungry.  Hungry for me.  For what was happening and what was surely going to happen in the moments that laid ahead.  He bit my inner thigh and I gasped, grabbing a fistful of his shaggy hair.  He kissed his way to my hip and my breathing became so quick that it became shallow.  I sat up and pulled my t-shirt off because I was  _more_  than ready to be naked with him.  He tugged on the cup of my bra with his teeth and the fabric snapped back against my sensitive skin.  I met his gaze and I gripped his hair tighter between my fingers.

"Baby," he whispered longingly while he unfastened the clasp behind me.  My bra was tossed aside and he stopped to look over my completely bared body.  "You are incredible."

I blushed unintentionally and slid my fingers into the waistband of his boxers, gingerly pushing them down as I looked up at him.  He smiled and moved a curl from my forehead while licking his lips.  The spot between my legs ached for him as the moments passed and I got more and more impatient with each second.

He stood in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders to lay me back once more.  I scooted toward the center of the bed and he followed, hooking his arms behind my knees, yanking my body closer to his.  As he leaned over me to reach for the drawer in his nightstand, I bit my lip while I trailed my hands over his abdomen.

He didn't open it right away, which threw me off.  Instead, he laid it on the pillow next to my head and gave me a quick smirk before he disappeared from my sight.   _Oh.  This again.  If you insist_.  I felt his lips on my chest, the scruff on his face tickling my delicate skin.  I giggled quietly and slid my hands into his hair, absolutely cherishing the feel of it between my fingers.  I sucked in a breath and held it when I felt him dip lower, nipping playfully at my hip.

I bit my lip and tensed, but the feel of his smooth hands on my legs soothed me as he pushed them open, lowering to my most intimate area.  "Relax, baby.  We're just gonna take the edge off, remember?  If you want me to stop, just say so."

There was no way in hell I was going to stop him.  Not yet.  I exhaled, keeping one hand on his head while the other gripped his sheets to prepare myself for what he was about to do.  I swallowed hard when I felt his beard brush my inner thighs.  The sensation caused me to shiver and want more.  So much more.  His mouth was so close that I could feel his warm breath.

"Brian," I whimpered.  My voice was raspy.  Weak.  His fingers dug into my thighs when I uttered his name and he barely let his lips touch me.  They dragged so, so agonizingly slow against my hypersensitive skin that it made me cry out again.  Then I moaned softly.  He grinned, down there, and suddenly all the air left my lungs when his mouth finally surrounded me.  I tried to push my hips closer but his strong grip prevented me from doing so.  I writhed beneath his strength and he only held me down with more force the more I moved.  His tongue swirled around in lazy, methodical circles when the fire ignited within me.  Between his facial hair caressing my skin and his warm, wet tongue I was going absolutely and completely insane.   _How...  In the hell...  Are you going to repay him for this?_    The combination of rough and soft was to die for.  Everything about him was.  I held onto his head with both of my hands next, allowing him complete access to where no one but him had ever been.  I'd never felt something so good.  So incredible.  He gently wrapped his soft lips around me again, letting the tip of his tongue move up and down at a tortuously slow, yet the ultimate perfect pace.

He hummed in approval but I hardly heard it.  I tried to lift my head and was entirely unsuccessful.  "How do you...  How...  How are you doing that?  What...  Are you doing to me?" I sputtered, pressing my head into his pillow.  I tried to move my hips again but he reminded me that he was in control, holding my lower half completely still.  He paused for a moment to chuckle and nibbled my thigh before letting his lips engulf me again.  He moved his tongue faster now and I began to pant, my body tightening with the contact.  I was climbing higher the longer his mouth was on me and he brought me there quickly.  It was exquisite.  I called his name when the pleasure crashed in and washed over me.  Every single muscle contracted and trembled against him.  He stayed there until the last surge swept through me and granted me a few moments to catch my breath.

"You're so much sweeter than I remember, Tess," he whispered, then paused to lick his lips and move his fingertips up and down the outside of my legs.

"Oh my goodness," I gasped.  He replied with a sincere chuckle.  I couldn't move.  I only watched him. He reached for the package beside me and slid it on before flipping me onto my side in order to straddle my thigh. Pulling the other to his chest, he gently rubbed himself against my core.  I bit my lip, clutching onto his pillow, waiting to feel that sense of fulfillment I had missed for weeks, too.

He entered me with remarkable restraint and groaned, closing his eyes.  "Fuck, baby.  That is so perfect," he whispered and I noticed his accent thicken.  It sang to me whenever he was aroused.   _Who knew you would end up in a New Yorker's bed?_   I hid my laughter, focusing as he rocked his hips forward and back and I closed my eyes too, burying my face to muffle the sounds that he drew from me.  He was solid.  Sturdy.  Filling and stretching me to the hilt.

He moved my leg to his shoulder and rolled me onto my back next.  I moaned his name again, crushing his pillow in my grasp.  Then, when he gripped my ass, it escaped me with such a demand he picked up his pace.  "Brian..." I hissed.

"Look at me, baby," he ordered while reaching up to caress my breast.  I obeyed and turned my head to watch him.  He tightened his hold on my chest and clenched his teeth.  I covered his hand with mine, my lips parting as he thrust so hungrily into me.  His hand slid from my rear to my thigh, holding it tightly as I panted again, my walls bearing down on his length.  Our eyes didn't leave one another's until his fluttered closed and I watched the look of absolute ecstasy wash over his face.

"Amazing...  So much better than I remember," I murmured, focusing on clenching him between my thighs.  He let out a low, carnal growl when he felt it and his fingertips left marks on my skin.  I winced, but it was so good.  Pain that made me feel happy to be alive.  Happy to be underneath him again.  I was so infatuated with him at that moment I didn't want to think about having to go back to my life in Louisiana.  My life miles and miles away from him.    _S_ _hut up already.  You just got here_.

He pulled his body from mine just long enough to roll me completely onto my back.  He laid my legs down on the bed with care, grabbing another pillow to place behind my head and I smiled at the sudden, sweet change in demeanor.  He was no longer rough.  His body covered mine with a hand behind my head to cradle it as he fused our bodies again.  He moved on top of me where his body warmed every inch of my skin.  I tried to pull him closer to me and buried my face in the crook of his neck.  His hot breath was against my ear and I raked my nails down his back to rest on his beautiful behind.  I let my hands feel his muscles clench as he thrust, over, and over, and over.  I melted beneath him a little more and surrendered my body completely.

"This is so good, Tess.  You and me," he whispered in the midst of his pleasure.  I concentrated on his movements rather than his words, biting my lip as I tightened harder around him.  I grunted and he groaned, lifting his head to look at me.  Then he pushed the hair from my face before bending lower for another kiss.  Our foreheads pressed together when his heated breaths told me he was about to lose control.  I grasped his shoulders while my legs wrapped around his waist to keep him inside of me until the very last tremor.  He collapsed when it was over, panting, his face buried next to my head.

"I should have come to New York sooner," I snickered, twirling his hair in my fingers.  His breathing evened out and I could have sworn he was asleep.  "Q?" I asked.

He made some sort of noise then managed to pick his head up.  "Just give me a couple minutes.  That was...  Better than I remember too, baby," he stammered, laying his head back down.  I continued to play with his hair and tucked it behind his ear when I was finished.  We laid together a little while longer before he softened and rolled over.  "Enough of me suffocating you."

"You weren't."   _I don't want to be anywhere else but underneath you, Q_.  I was absolutely smitten below him.  I smiled and ran my fingertips over the hair on his chest, leaning in to kiss his jaw before I got up out of his bed.  I found his bathroom on my shaky legs, though it was dark due the shades still being closed.  I laughed at myself because we were so distracted that the fact that it was still mid-afternoon hadn't even phased me.  I flipped the light on and my eyes went wide at the sight in front of me.  His bathroom was beautiful.  Huge, light grey tiles went from the floor to the ceiling with a stand up shower in the corner, complete with a streak-free glass enclosure.  There was an oversize tub built in next to it and I had to force my mouth to shut.

My eyes adjusted to the dark room again when I came out to find him still laying in his bed.  His lower body was just barely covered with the sheet, his breathing was slow and steady and I bent to search for some article of clothing to put on, lucking out when I found my shirt.  I did a few buttons and pulled my underwear on.  "You mind if I get a glass of water?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Only if you come back naked," he teased.  I blushed.  "Of course.  Cups are in the cupboard next to the fridge.  I'll be right there," he told me.

"You don't have to get up," I told him.  Smiling, I ventured out to where there was more light and tiptoed out into his living area.  The walls in his apartment were painted a dark blue with bright white trim lining the hardwood floors and doorways.  His kitchen was a lighter color with charcoal concrete counter tops and deep chocolate cupboards.  The appliances were stainless steel and everything worked together amazingly, it was probably one of the sharpest kitchens I had ever seen.  Sleek and manly.  Sexy.

I glanced back toward his room and still didn't see him emerge so I opened the cupboard he told me the glasses were in and grabbed one. As I stood at the sink, I felt a warm body rub against my calves. I looked down and saw a black cat chirping at me.

"Hey there," I said, setting the glass down before I squatted to pet him. I looked over and saw some food dishes on the floor that were empty. "Doesn't your daddy feed you?" I laughed at myself again. _Are you really talking to a cat right now?_  He let me pet him once more and I raised back up, taking a sip of the water as I moved around the island.

"You hungry?" he asked as he came out.  I jumped.  I turned and found him wearing his underwear and backwards baseball hat.   _Fuck me.  All over again please_.

"I could eat," I said meekly, leaning against the counter.  "I think your cat's hungry, too.  His dishes are empty."

He grumbled and grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge.  "I spent all morning cleaning and forgot to go to the store to get more food before you got here."

"You didn't have to clean on account of me, Q," I told him.

"It needed it.  Trust me."  He bent down and picked up the black cat that I pet earlier and pet under his chin.  I smiled and watched them interact, the cat stretching his neck out as Q scratched him.  He set him down and turned his attention back to me.  I stood on the opposite side of the island just outside of the kitchen.

"What?" he asked, putting his hands on the counter.  I shook my head, not really thinking about anything other than him in his underwear.  Right in front of me.  He laughed and tucked his hair behind his ears as he turned to the refrigerator.  "What are you in the mood for?"

"Whatever.  You already know I'm not picky," I said, sliding myself onto one of his iron bar stools.  The metal was cool against the backs of my thighs and soothed the spot where he had been only a few minutes ago.  I crossed my legs and prayed it would never go away.

"Well, like I said I didn't have time to go shopping," he laughed, shutting the door.  "We can order something in, or I can take you somewhere.  Whatever you want."  I caught my bottom lip between my teeth when he turned to face me again, scratching his stomach.  "You need to stop looking at me like that."

I let go of my lip and smiled, crossing my arms on the island.  "Sorry," I said, though it made me giddy on the inside that I could do to him what he did to me.  I didn't know where this was going but I was reveling in the present.

"What sounds good?" he asked, walking around to me.  My stomach filled with butterflies when he got closer and he swiveled the stool around so I faced him.  He slid his hands onto my shoulders, moving them down my arms and I responded by placing my hands at his sides where his skin was warm beneath my touch.

"I don't know.  What's good?" I asked. I let out a relaxed breath when his hands cupped my face and leaned down to kiss me.  His lips were so soft compared to the beard on his face but I loved the distinction between the two.  His facial hair was incredibly sexy.  Actually, everything about him was sexy.

"You like pizza?" he asked, his lips still brushing mine as he spoke.

I nodded, moving my hands to the small of his back.  "Who doesn't?"

He laughed and broke the kiss, but I continued to move my mouth over his chest.   "Hey, I had to ask.  You've been throwing me curve balls ever since we met," he murmured, leaning his frame closer to me.

"Pizza sounds perfect."

He grabbed a menu from one of his kitchen drawers and sat down beside me.  I felt nervous again after he ordered because I realized that we hadn't spent that much time together not naked.  Or not  _trying_  to get naked.  His hand slid onto my thigh as he scrolled through his phone and I gripped my water glass tightly.

My eyes landed on my suitcase that still sat at the front door so I pulled myself away from his touch to fetch it, but he was already at my side before I could pick it up.   "I got it," he said, throwing me a smile.  I turned and watched him carry it to his bedroom where he set it on top of his dresser.  I didn't know what was going on.  After I'd left Dallas, I thought I was just another casual affair to him.  Now I was standing barefoot and half naked in his bedroom while he made me feel completely comfortable.

He grunted softly when he looked at me, easily lifting me into his arms again.  My legs slid around his waist as he carried me back into the kitchen, setting me on the cool concrete that topped the island. His lips were on me again, nipping and licking the skin just under the collar of my shirt. I leaned back to let my thighs ride up his hips and his hands found them, pulling my lower body closer to his.  I could feel him already arousing for the second time and it made my body feel as if it were on fire.  Just as I reached to stroke him, his doorbell rang.

"Perfect timing," he grumbled against my lips.

I smiled and squeezed his ass before pushing him toward the door.  "I'm buying."

"There's no way in hell," he called back to me, grabbing money from the jacket that hung on his dining room chair.

"Q!" I said in protest, hopping down from the counter.  He opened the door and I disappeared into the bedroom, not wanting to be seen in my underwear by the delivery guy.  After I slid a pair of shorts on, he'd set the pizza on the stove top and was doing a little happy dance as he pulled two plates from the cupboard.  I watched him and slid back onto a stool, unbeknownst to him at that moment.  He opened the box and plopped two slices on the plates and turned, stopping mid-groove.

"Oh, hey," he laughed and slid one piece across to me, looking down at his own.   _No, he's not embarrassed.  He couldn't be_.

"That was cute," I teased, looking at the huge piece of pie that took up the entire plate.  "How the hell do I eat this thing? With a forklift?"

"Nope," he chuckled, shaking his head.  He set his down next to mine and walked around the island to sit beside me again.  He folded his slice in half and picked it up, bringing it to his mouth.  Taking an over-sized bite, I laughed and watched him as he chewed his mouthful of food.

*

"So, whaddya think?" he asked while he stood across from me doing the dishes.

I took a sip of whiskey and cocked an eyebrow at him. "About what?  The pizza?  New York?  Or...  You?" I teased.

He laughed to himself as he put the plates in the dishwasher.  "All of the above, I guess."  He brought his gaze to me and reached for his own cup.

"The pizza was great.  I haven't really seen much of New York yet since I've been kidnapped and as for you..."  I paused and chewed on my lip, pretending to think hard.  "I'm still on the fence."

"What?" he gasped playfully.  We'd had a couple drinks with dinner and the buzz had helped disperse my timidness.  Never mind the fact that we were both half dressed.  Though he was the reason I was so nervous, he was really good at making me feel at ease, too.

"What?" I reiterated, only mine was more of a question.  I snickered before continuing.  "You know I like you.  I thought that was obvious."

"Mmm," he grunted.  My core quivered.   _He really shouldn't look at you like that._   He spun the stool around and tugged my legs around his waist to lift me from my seat.   _Round two, yes please_.

Three orgasms between the two of us and forty-five minutes later, we laid on our backs in his bed.  Gasping.  Panting.  Spent.  The sun had set and the warm, golden glow it had cast disappeared, so all we were left with was the blue haze the moon provided.  My eyes adjusted and I could see him beside me, his skin a soft shade of white against his grey sheets.

"Now what do you think of me?" he asked.  He laughed and curled his body away from me when I tried to punch his arm.

"Oh, ruin the moment why don't you?" I laughed, playfully, as I pulled the sheet over my body.  He propped his head on his hand and tugged it back down to expose my chest.  His fingertips traced circles around them, all the way to my nipples and they stiffened in response.  I closed my eyes and let out a soft, appreciative purr.

"You're beautiful, Tess.  I don't understand why you agreed to come see me," he murmured, leaning down to press his lips to where his fingers just were.  Instinctively, my hands slid into his hair and my back arched off the bed.

"Shhh," I cooed, parting my thighs to accommodate his hips again.

"I'm serious," he continued as his hands explored my naked, exhausted body.

"Shhh," I hushed again.  That time for a different reason.  I didn't want things to get any deeper between us.  I couldn't, wouldn't, allow it to.  I was already getting attached and I knew that if that conversation was going where I thought it was, it would be that much harder to let him go.

"Tell me about you."

I cursed silently.  "What do you want to know?" I asked anyway.  I stretched my arms above my head and yawned.

His lips trailed to my breastbone, the locks of his hair tickling my sensitive skin.  "Brothers?  Sisters?"

"Only child."

"Mom?  Dad?"

"My dad's still around.  My mom died when I was little."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."  While I was dreading the discussion, I certainly didn't want to talk about my parents while I was naked in his bed, either.  But his mouth continue to wreak havoc on my body and I was pretty sure I was going to answer anything he threw at me.

"Pets?"

"I'm not home enough."

He stopped and leaned back on his knees.  His eyes were on me.  I could feel them taking in every vulnerable inch.  "You're beautiful."

"You already said that," I said, smiling softly.

He squeezed my knee and my eyes shot open as I yelped.  "I like you, Tess."

"I like you, Brian," I replied.  Our playful banter only made me like him that much more.  It was effortless.  I was going to have a hell of a time forgetting about him when I went home.  We were just having fun.  Enjoying the pleasure we brought each other.   _That's all this is, Tess.  Keep it together and change the subject_.

"This is so easy," he breathed, running his hands over the outside of my thighs.

"What is?" I asked.

"This.  Hanging out with you.  There's no pressure..." he trailed off.   _No pressure?  Ha.  Easy for you to say_.

"Sex tends to relieve the pressure," I snickered.

"Well.  I mean, I...  Uh, yes.  That's a major bonus, but I enjoy your company, too."

"Me too," I admitted and breathed sigh of relief.  He captured my hands with his and intertwined our fingers as he stared down at me.   We were quiet for a few moments and just looked at one another.  "We're having fun."

"We are," he agreed.  I guessed that was good and I was going to try my hardest not to delve into anymore personal stories the rest of the weekend.   One less thing to reel me in and muddle my brain.  He remained silent as he continued to caress my skin with his fingertips and I breathed another sigh of relief, letting him go on with his seductive exploration of my body.

*

He offered to take me to the park the next day but I declined and convinced him to have morning sex.  Then early afternoon sex, twice, before we finally dragged ourselves from the bedroom to heat up the left over pizza from the night before.  He yawned as he stood beside the microwave, pulling out the first slice.

"Sorry to wake you up so early this morning," I said as I bit my lip.  I was actually craving a nap as well and my muscles needed good a rest.

"I would stay up all night to feel that good again.  Stop apologizing," he told me, shaking his head.  He handed me the plate with a fork that time and I laughed, setting the utensil aside.  I bit into it just like he'd showed me the night before and it made him grin.  I cleared the plates when we were done and we fell asleep within minutes of climbing back into bed.

His phone woke me a while later and I heard his fingers moving quickly over the keyboard.  I rolled over and he immediately invited me closer.  I laid my head on his arm and slid my hand across his chest.

"What's up?" I asked, running my hand over his rib cage.

"Sal wants to hang out tonight," he said, looking down for my reaction.

"That could be fun.  You wanna?"

"This is your weekend," he smiled.

"Fresh air...  It might just do us some good," I laughed, rolling over to stretch.

"I think that's probably a good idea," he said as he kissed my head and climbed from the mattress.  I watched him stalk away in his boxers, grinning like a Cheshire cat.   My eyes slid over his muscular back and delicious, grab-worthy hips.  He was mine for the weekend.  All mine.  I had to tell myself over and over that I couldn't get used to him though.  My time would soon be up.

"You mind if I hop in the shower?" I asked.  I peeled myself from the sheets and stood, stretching once more while I awaited his answer.

"I think that'll be all right.  You need anything?" he replied, slipping his hand down my side.

"Nope."  Hesitantly, I leaned in to kiss him before disappearing into his bathroom to freshen up.  His body wash intoxicated me the moment it hit my nose- but that was because it was him.  Nothing special, but the way it paired with his own scent was more than enough to drive me wild.  When I emerged, half dressed, he sat on his bed Indian-style and glanced up from his phone.

I tried to ignore the chocolate brown eyes on me as I dressed in a pair of jeans and a snug, long-sleeve shirt.  And finally, when I ran my comb through my hair, I turned to face him again.  "I feel as if I'm being watched," I said half kidding.  He smiled sheepishly, raised up from the bed and gave me a quick pat to my derriere in his passing to the shower.  I heard the water kick on so I shook my head, unable to force my own smile away as I finished getting ready.

When he came out, I was sitting on his bed where I was applying a light coat of mascara on in my little mirror.  "You make it extremely difficult to get anything accomplished, pretty girl," he murmured as he slid his knee between mine, nudging me back on the bed.  Granted the towel hung low on his hips, I resisted and pushed at his chest to keep him at bay.

"Your friend is waiting," I snickered, accepting a delightful kiss from his mouth.

"I'm not ready to share you with anyone yet," he groaned.  Those words in that specific, sensual tone set me on fire.  And all I wanted to say was  _damn you, Brian Quinn_.  Mostly for being fucking incredible between the sheets and making me all sorts of crazy, and for making me feel the way I did.  Giving me all sorts of false hope that I might be something more to him than just a fling. But I wasn't and I never would be, and there was no way anything would go past that weekend.  Not happening.

"Too bad.  I'm hungry," I told him as I climbed to my feet, trying to keep things light.  He pouted jokingly as I gave him some privacy to dress and completed my ensemble in the steamy bathroom. Then, I too stopped when I saw him dressed after coming back out.  The feeling had become mutual.  Though his outfit was simple, he looked absolutely sexy.  Jeans, t-shirt and a sweater.  Oh, and the baseball cap.  Can't forget that part.  My breath caught in my throat the moment he found me gawking at him.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

I quickly shook my head to cover up the bashfulness that flooded my every pore.  "Nope."  Mentally, I snapped myself out of it and went to the door to slip my boots on.

He grabbed his keys, wallet and phone and we were on our way.  The air outside was brisk and instantly, he tucked my frame against his.  Hailing a cab with ease, he guided me into the seat beside him and stayed quiet in the short ride to wherever we were going, but his thumb never stopped stroking the back of my hand.  I followed him out when we arrived and quickly made our way inside the quaint, rustic bar.  Natural stone covered the far wall, while the bar was made from red brick and butcher block.  Once we were through the swarm of bodies, he draped his arm over my shoulders and searched for Sal.  I grinned and leaned in to his warmth, my eyes scanning the amicable space.

"This way," he said as he led me across the floor.  Heads turned in our direction and I suddenly shrunk.  Eyes were on us.   _No.  Him, you idiot_.   _No one cares about you_.  He was the famous guy in the bar, of course he'd get attention.  Then I wondered if I had food on my face or an arm sticking out of my forehead.  My cheeks flushed and he leaned down to my ear.  "Relax, Tess."

I took a deep breath and nodded, forcing myself to stand up tall and own the fact that he'd chosen to bring me out that night.  When my eyes landed on Sal, I felt a little weight lifted from me as well.  He welcomed me with open arms and a friendly hug. "Hi, Sal.  How are you?"

"Fantastic.  How are you, Tess?" he replied, giving me a good squeeze before letting go.

"I'm great, actually," I said as the blush spread across my face again.  The two handsome men exchanged a glance between them and I shrunk again.   _Give me alcohol_.

"How's New York treating you so far?" Sal asked.

I opened my mouth to speak but Q quickly interjected.  "We haven't done much sight seeing yet.  But that's the plan for tomorrow."

Sal wriggled his eyebrows up and down and my jaw fell open in disbelief.  "I need a drink," I muttered.   They both laughed and Q's hand slid onto my back while he called the waitress over.

"All in good fun, Tess," Sal chuckled.  I knew that, but hell, I still felt mortified.

"Right," I teased sarcastically.   _Okay, so Sal now knew you spent your first thirty-six hours in New York, in his best friend's bed.  It's not so bad, lighten up._  

Q slid my stiff drink to me once it was delivered and I took a nice, long sip.  "Where you gonna go?" Sal asked.

"Wherever she'd like to," Q said, wrapping his hand around his beer bottle.

"I haven't even thought of where to go or what to see.  What shouldn't I miss while I'm here?" I asked.

"Depends on your interests.  Great museums.  The library.  Statue of Liberty, of course," Sal added.  I nodded and let the ideas sink in.  I was about to reply when a loud screech filled my ears.  I turned toward the noise and my eyes landed on Camille.  A sight I was surely not prepared to see.   _Hmm, how convenient_.

"Friends!" she exclaimed.  "What a small world!"  Her arms flew around Sal, then Q when she looked at me.  "Oh, hey!  It's Jess, right?"

"Tess."  Q corrected her and leaned to put his arm around me.  She wore a short, black skirt with knee high boots to match and white tank top that clung to her disgustingly perfect curves.

"Right!  I'm so bad with names sometimes," she giggled innocently.  I returned her smile but remained silent.  Her green eyes slid back to Q and she touched his forearm.  "How have you guys been?"

"Great," Q said.  He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, but didn't pay her as much attention as I thought he would, being friends and all.

"So, how long have you been in town, Tess?" she asked as she sat onto the stool beside Sal.

"Since yesterday afternoon."

"Isn't it so great?  You almost need a lifetime here in order to see everything.  It's too bad you don't live here," she continued.  I forced a smile while I tried to decode the last sentence.  I caught Q give Sal a quick shake of his head out of the corner of my eye.  Then, Sal discreetly shrugged a shoulder.   _What didn't you know?_

"We're going to go exploring tomorrow," I said to her and felt Q's hand affectionately squeeze the nape of my neck.

"Really?  Where to?  I could tag along and show you some hidden gems," she said as she flipped her bouncy, blonde waves back.

"Why don't we go get a drink, Cam?" Sal cut in.  Her gaze briefly bore into me and I suddenly felt awkward.   _What, were you not allowed in the state of New York?_   She came across somewhat irritated with my very presence that night.  Much different than our first meeting.  Only a woman could pick up on that, I thought.  I tipped back the last of my drink and ordered another.  Q was quiet again.   _What aren't they telling you?_

I slid my hand across his knee and excused myself to the ladies room.  On my way back, I cruised by Sal and Camille at the bar and saw him quietly talking to her.

"Hey," he said.  I smiled when a bearded man appeared at the end of our table.  He looked at me, then at Q, then back at me before he spoke.

"And who might this be, Quinn?" he asked in his deep, booming voice that matched his stature.

"This is my friend, Tess.  Tess, this is Bryan," Q said happily.

I reached across the table and shook his hand.  "It's nice to meet ya."

His palm tugged me closer.  "How much is he paying you?"

I laughed and heard Q grumble, "more than you'll see in a lifetime."  Sal joined us, without Camille, and I breathed a sigh of relief.  I didn't know why, but she'd put a damper on the table the moment she'd sat down with us.  "We do some work together on the side.  A podcast."

"What's a podcast?" I asked.  The three men erupted in laughter and my eyes widened.  "What?"

Q's hand slid to my shoulder when his friend spoke. "That explains it, Quinn.  She has no idea what an asshole you are yet," Bryan teased.  I continued to laugh with them as I tried to understand if that was a good thing or a bad thing, and finally learned what a podcast was.  Bryan coaxed them into going up to the bar for a shot and he quickly brushed his lips over mine, saying he'd be right back.

My guess was that Camille saw that as another chance to approach the table, where I sat alone.  Vulnerable.  She hopped into the chair across from me and smiled brightly.  "He's an incredible kisser, isn't he?" she asked and I nearly choked on my drink.  She giggled innocently again.  "Are you okay?"

"Yes.  Went down the wrong pipe," I sputtered, grabbing a napkin to wipe my chin.  She was putting on quite the show.  There she was, at the table as if she wanted to talk to me, yet she was waving and saying hi to people all around us.  I flipped open my phone and silently willed Q or Sal to come back.

"He's too sexy for his own good, too.  It drives me crazy that he doesn't even realize it.  Well, kind of," she said, ripping my mute wish away from me.  She sighed longingly and I followed her eyes to where Q stood.  My blood heated and I chewed relentlessly on my straw.   _What was she trying to do?  Be nice?_ Maybe Liv was right about her and I was just too damn naive and accepting of others.

"You live here in New York?" I asked politely.  I needed to get her mind off of him before I accidentally threw my glass at her head.

She flipped her hair and looked at me, though I could tell she'd rather be staring at the man I so desperately pined for.  "Uh-huh.  Not in Staten Island though.  I moved to Brooklyn a few years back for work."

I nodded and ordered another drink when asked.  "What do you do, Camille?"

"Freelance photography here and there," she told me.  I easily sensed that talking to me wasn't something she was very interested in, which undoubtedly had me baffled.  She seemed nice and somewhat genuine.  At first.  Maybe me popping back up with Q wasn't what she expected?  I didn't know and I surely wasn't going to ask.  I met Sal's gaze on accident as I thought about something else to say and I watched him nudge Q, then lean in to tell him something.

"Cool.  Do you have a website or anything?  I'll have to check it out," I fibbed again.  I could play along, too.

"Yeah!"  She grinned when she noticed the guys coming back and slid me a business card before giving up her seat to it's rightful owner.

"This is from Bryan.  To help you tolerate me, he says," Q chuckled.

"In that case, I think I'll need a couple more," I teased.  Bryan laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder.

"You guys are all assholes," Q muttered.  I squeezed his knee and brought the shot to my lips when they did.  The four of us, minus Camille threw back the liquor.

"Woo!" Sal hollered.  We all set our glasses down and Q slid back onto his stool.  His hand gently caressed my thigh beneath the table, only disappearing when more of their buddies showed up.  Talk about being thrown to the wolves on my second night in town.  He introduced me to them as his friend but they indeed did give both of us a hard time.  All in good fun, of course.

I switched to water after the shot to keep myself from becoming a lush on the first time meeting his friends.   _Surprisingly, you're doing okay_ , I thought.   _Now don't go and do anything stupid to fuck it up_.   Calm, cool and collected.  That's what I was portraying.  Trying to, anyway.

It was getting late and there was a crowd ten people deep surrounding the table.  Getting louder.  All of Q's small caresses were sending me into a frenzy.  That and I found him even sexier the more I watched him with his friends.  He made sure to always include me, never making me feel left out.

He was in mid-conversation with a buddy when he leaned down to my ear.  "Can we get outta here?"

My eyes widened when they met his.  "You're the party though."

"They'll forget about us the moment we leave," he said with a shake of his head.  He picked up right where he left off with the man beside him.  I inhaled and pulled out some money to slip to Sal for my drinks.  He tried not to accept but I insisted, then grinned when he took it with a roll of his eyes.  I moved around the table to say goodnight to him before Q tugged me away from the crowd.

He pulled me onto his lap once we were in the cab and his lips were instantly on mine. His tongue slid against my own and I gasped softly, shimmying myself closer to him.  His arms crushed me against him and I all but straddled him in the backseat of the car.   _It's only a ten minute ride, Tess.  Calm yourself_.  A laugh slipped out at my own thoughts.

Q leaned back to look at me.  "What's so damn funny right now?"

I blushed and pressed my forehead against his beard.  "I... I was just telling myself to calm down," I told him while my cheeks burned red hot.

"I can't get enough of you either," he whispered.  My stomach dropped.   _You have no idea, Q._   His hands slid up the curve of my back and gently set me down beside him.  I finally caught my breath when we got out of the cab back at his place.

I got into the elevator behind him and turned to press the button to his floor.  He moved his grip to my waist and tugged me against him.  My eyes fluttered closed, leaning my head back on his shoulder.  "Q..."

"Please call me Brian tonight," he murmured, his mouth dangerously close to my ear.  My body shuddered when his hand found my breast and his lips attacked my neck.  I felt him inhale as he nudged me forward when we arrived and I realized I still had a little buzz once we were back in his apartment.  I kicked my boots off and set my purse on his dining room table, taking a moment to run my hand over the smooth maple while he took his own boots and jacket off.  His cats were at his feet but he quickly shooed them and brought his complete attention to me.

"This table is beautiful," I said softly.   _Oh sweet Jesus, Tess.  This man clearly wants to have sex.  He doesn't want to talk about freaking furniture_.

"I've actually never used it," he told me.  I nodded and allowed him to lift me onto the cool surface.

"Is that so?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.   _Good recovery, Q._

I started to undo the buttons on his sweater and immediately his hands were back on me.  Everywhere.  I pulled him in for a kiss as he slid my pants down and I was only able to kick one leg off before my panties followed.  I leaned back on my hands while he helped me out of the other leg.  I was naked and he was still fully clothed.  There was something wrong with that picture so I quickly yanked him to stand and pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

"Lay back," he commanded.  I obeyed.  My head was spinning and the apex of my thighs was throbbing.  Craving the satisfaction that was him inside of me.  I heard the clinking of his belt buckle before the rustle of his pants being kicked aside.

"I want you, Brian," I muttered, bringing my hands to my breasts.

He groaned and I felt him tug my hips closer to his.  "You have no idea."  Everything was happening so fast.  It had only taken us thirty seconds to get naked and I was gulping for air underneath him.  I needed him. "Eyes, baby."

"Please," I begged as I followed his second request and opened my eyes to watch him.  The moment I did, he gripped himself and he was inside of me.  Where he belonged.  Thrusting and growling like a crazed animal.

"Yes," I hissed, arching my back off of the table.  He slipped an arm beneath me and kept his other hand on my thigh while his fingers dug into my supple skin, causing me to whimper.  I wanted more.  I wanted to wake up in the morning with the visible reminder that he'd had me.

He moved with a sole purpose.  I wanted him to find his pleasure within me.  Only me until he sent me away.  Things were heading that direction and I was already tightening around him so I was already perfectly taken care of.  "Baby," he moaned, leaning his head down to capture my nipple between his teeth.  My hands found his hair and I bared down on his scalp.

"Yes. Brian," I drew his name out and he caught my gaze again.  His lips parted gently and I knew that he was close.  "Don't stop," I whispered.  He kissed me deeply as I felt him begin to unravel.  My expression matched his when he sped up and I fell back onto the table as my walls quivered and clenched his length.

"Fuck, Tess.  So fucking good, baby."  His words were drawn out too, in gasps.  It was.  So.   Fucking.  Good.  I didn't know what to do to make it any better.  I didn't know if I could.  I curved my body against his, desperately willing him deeper.  To touch that wonderful spot.   _The_  spot.  He thrust hard three more times before his body weight leaned heavily on me.  I wrapped my arms around his head and let my legs lazily fall open onto the table.

"Holy.  Shit," I breathed.

His shoulders shook with a laugh in my grasp and he stood up, gently retracting from my body.  I whimpered in protest but forced myself to let him go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I let you in, please don't break anything. -Rachel Wolchin

My heart suddenly began to pound in my chest when it hit me.  Fast.  And loud- so loud that the sound was deafening and made it seem as if the surface beneath me began to wobble.  And come to find out, it wasn't from the amazing scene we'd just created on his expensive dining room table.

"Brian," I began in a gasp, feeling my mouth instantly go dry.  "We didn't-" I stopped to gulp for air as my head went hazy.  He was bent over the table beside me, catching his own breath and the walls of his apartment began to close in on me.  I slid onto my feet and whooshed off to the bathroom to clean up.  I shut the door and laid my head against the solid oak.

"Tess, I know," he said softly from the other side.

"We shouldn't have done that.  We should've stopped," I replied, staring at what separated us and swallowed hard.  I didn't mean to be so short with him, but I was beginning to panic the moment I realized we hadn't used protection.  We'd been so completely consumed by need and passion that it hadn't even phased us.   _It didn't phase YOU, dummy.  He knew exactly what he was doing._   We'd barely made it five feet into his apartment before making a huge mistake.  I shook my head, entirely disappointed for letting myself be so careless.

"Open up."  His voice was more persistent and stern.

I quickly washed up and pulled the door open.  "You don't have to worry about anything-"

He cut me off with a slow kiss, probably to shut me up and perhaps, maybe calm the situation.   _To shut you up, dope_.  His hands cupped my face when he leaned away to capture my eyes.  "I know that, Tess.  We...   _I_  got caught up in the moment, yeah, but you don't have to worry about me, either."

Trying my damnedest to believe him, I nodded and averted my gaze.  "But you've had...  You're more..."

"Tess," he said with a soft squeeze of my shoulders, "listen to me."

"I can't help but think of all the others there are."

He let out a long breath, grabbed my hand and led me into his bedroom.  After helping me into one of his t-shirts, he pulled on a fresh pair of boxers.  "Yeah, there have been others, Tess.  As I'm sure there have been for you," he started.  I sat down Indian style on his bed and watched him slowly pace the floor before kneeling in front of me.  "But I've never,  _ever_  forgotten like that.  Not until you.  You...  Do something to me.  I can't think clearly when you're around.  Throw in you, naked, and I'm done for.   I... I just can't help myself."

I knew it was all a spiel and I couldn't take his words too seriously, but the confession of his lust after me made my stomach flutter.   My face deepened with color but I found the nerve to look at him again.  His hair was that same delicious mess and he wore a soft, sweet expression.  "We barely know each other," I said and he shrugged.  Maybe it was the cynical part of me thinking the worst, but the truth of it was, I knew he had to have been with many more partners than I.  His bounty was endless and I couldn't help the assumptions from racing through my head.

"Tess," he murmured.  His quiet voice brought me back into the moment.   "I won't let it happen again.  Just tell me you're okay."

I nodded and watched him place his lips to my knee.  "I am," I replied.  Or I  _would_  be.  I just needed some time to let it really sink in.  Then I could deal with it.   How many people had he truly been with?  Did I care?   _Do you honestly...  Really...  Want to know that, Tess?_

*

The next morning, I was torn from my peaceful slumber when the comforter began to slink away from my body.  I whined quietly and reached a blind hand for the warmth that had enveloped me the entire night before but I was unable to find it again.  "Q..." I groaned.  When he yanked it completely away, I gasped as my eyes shot open.

He was grinning at me from the foot of the bed.  "Wake up.  You.  Me.  Shower.  Now," he said in a soft, playful voice.  I laughed when he grabbed me by the ankles and tugged me to the edge.  Letting go, he took my hands to sit me up and I walked to the bathroom with him and brushed my teeth before joining him under the warm, soothing water.  I felt sleep invading again when his arms enclosed around my shoulders because the subtle comfort of the heat and the fact that I barely slept a wink wasn't helping me stay conscious.  It could have easily been late morning but I still felt fatigued from just about everything.  The last eight hours mostly.

"You're lucky you're cute," I murmured, leaning my head back against his shoulder to wet my face where I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on the inside of his bicep.  "What's this?"  He straightened his arm to show me and I ran my fingers over the black ink, stopping at the crease of his elbow.

He smiled and pressed his lips to my forehead.  "Impossible.  Hopeful.  Impractical," he said, sliding that same arm across my chest to pull me closer.

I wrapped my fingers around his forearm and let my eyes close again.  "That's an interesting word."

"It kinda reminds me of you," he continued.

My brow furrowed and I laughed when turned in his arms to face him.  "What?  Why?"

He sighed again and kissed my temple as he went silent for a few moments.  "Because it explains who you are to me.  That...  I can never have you," he began.  I froze, my grip on his biceps turning my knuckles white.

"But I'm here.  You do have me.  I don't understand," I replied softly.

He shook his head in what seemed like denial but slid his hand down the curve of my hip.  "No.  I don't.  I...  I'm not good at this sort of thing.  I mean, this _,_ you and me _,_  is really great, right  _now_.  It always is.  But I need to be honest with you.  I don't get involved much further than this, Tess.  I have to tell you that because...  I really like you and I don't want you to get hurt."

So, he had commitment issues.   _Understandable, no?_   Everyone had their quirks.  His words tugged at my heart strings while slicing a hole in my gut, even though I tried not to let it affect me.  I liked him too, whether I wanted to admit it or not and he was telling me that whatever we had would come to an end sooner or later.  That we would be nothing more than a sensual fling.   _Wasn't that what you wanted in the first place, Tess?  You didn't want to get emotionally involved and here he is, offering you just that._ "I'll be fine.  You don't have to worry about me."

He let out a dry laugh, though I don't think he intended on offending me.  "I know.  You've already told me not to.  And I won't.  I just wanted to be upfront with you."

I pulled away from him to turn back around and dipped my head under the water to wet my hair, hiding the fact that now I was totally confused about what I, myself, truly wanted from him.  "Thank you for being honest.  I appreciate it," I said in order to convince myself that I'd be all right.  That I was okay just sleeping with him.  He picked me, for whatever short amount of time we had, and I had to make the most of it, otherwise I was going to hate myself.   _You've gotten this far, ride it out some more, Tess..._

"What kind of person would I be if I didn't tell you?" he asked, moving his hands down my back.

I smiled, spinning once again to lay my head on his chest.  "Every other guy I've dated," I teased.  Then, my grin disappeared when I put my big girl pants on.  "You  _do_  have me, Q.  For however long you want.  Just tell me when, and I'll go.  No questions asked.  I know what to expect."

"There's something else I need to be honest about and I mean it in the nicest and most unoffensive way possible," he started, so I pulled away to look up at him with a playfully cocked brow.  "Normally, and I'm not trying to sound like a total asshole when I say this, but everyone's so desperate for my attention.  The one's who know who I am anyway.  But you, you're so laid back about everything and I really, really like that.  It lets me know that there are still genuine people out there who don't want me just because of the show.  You, especially, you don't expect anything from me and don't hound me all the time.  I can relax when I'm around you.  I don't have to be  _on_  all the time, if that makes any sense."

I nodded because in a way, I did understand.  "Sure. It makes perfect sense.  I don't have any experience with being famous or anything but I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to be in the spotlight all the time like you are.  And you don't have to justify any of it to me, okay?  For you to feel like you owe me some sort of explanation isn't what I want.  I like you because you're  _you_.  Not because you're on TV because honestly, I don't watch the show," I confessed.

Laughing, he kissed my mouth and pressed our bodies together under the hot water.  "Don't do it.  It might change your opinion about me."

I matched his laughter and proceeded to simply enjoy his company in the shower.   _Big girl pants, big girl pants, big girl pants_.  "Afraid it won't get me into bed anymore?"

"Kind of," he joked.  "My pride and joy though really, is the podcast.  The guys are fuckin' great.  And the fans, totally different than the TV show."

"That's amazing," I told him.  "I'm glad you have so much you can be proud of."  And that was when he was done talking.  He kissed me hard, pushing me back against the cool tile which made me suck in a sharp breath, but not once did he deter from his abrupt ambush.  The shallow ledge meant for shampoos and soaps was given a different use when he lifted me onto it, parting my thighs, stopping short when he realized what he was doing.

"Hold on, baby," he breathed, finding it hard to leave the confines of my legs.  I held onto him, searching his eyes for some sort of fortitude to make me feel better about what I was about to do.

"No."  My request was simple, so I thought, because I did everything in my power not to let him leave my presence.  Not after everything that was laid out in the minutes before.  He'd gained a bit more of my trust by being frank with me.

"What?"

"Don't," I whispered.  Pulling him down to kiss him again, I wanted to solidify the fact that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to and I was sure as hell going to take advantage.

"Are you sure?" he asked when he broke the embrace.

I nodded, looking down to where he stood between my thighs, tugging him closer to my core.  "I've never been more sure."  The fact was, I'd never gone without.  Not before him.  And it had been amazing.   _Why stop now?_

"Tess, baby..."  It was a groan full of yearning and fervor as he slid his arms around me while entering my body with ease.  Crying out once he consumed me, he continued, not making a sound.  Just my heated breaths and the water hitting his back filling the ample shower.  His hand pressed against the wall beside my head and I arched closer to him, my own hands in a frenzy to claim his hips.

"Brian," I whispered, though I wasn't sure if anything at all resonated from my lungs.  The more he drove into me, the more my mind clouded with pleasure and adoration for him and what he could do to me.  I was climbing higher and higher with each thrust of his hips and it wasn't a minute longer until I was raking my nails down his spine as I trembled around him.  His was just as close, he tangled his fingers in my hair and pressed his lips to mine, panting against them until his muscles turned to stone.  He shuddered while making that familiar animalistic growl that made my toes curl.

He gave me a sexy, satisfied smirk when he pulled away and allowed me to do what showers were meant for.  Lighthearted antics and a bit of teasing was shared until the water started to run cool and we were both clean and warm.

*

It was later that afternoon when we decided to ditch the cab and let our feet take us around more of the city.  He showed me everything he thought I should see while I was there and I couldn't have been more grateful.  The weather had warmed up slightly but my black thermal shirt wasn't exactly keeping me comfortably warm.

Q led me to one of his favorite thrift shops and I laughed, looking up at him.  "I wouldn't have pegged you for a second-hand shop kinda guy," I said as he held the door open.  It was a huge space with awful tan carpeting and clothing racks that created a maze around the store.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he teased, following me inside as I rubbed my arms.

"I just thought that you...  Uh, with the money you make you'd shop at the fancy stores," I said, shrugging.   _That was rude.  Redeem yourself, dammit_.  "That came out wrong, I just assumed-" I trailed off, clamping my lips shut.

He stopped and rested his arms on the rack that separated us, giving me a smile even though I was an ass.  "You've never been to this kind of store?"

"Sure I have.  Just not one this big," I told him, mirroring his stance on the rack to lean closer to him.

"It's always a gamble, but I've found some good stuff here.  Don't knock it til you try it, pretty girl."

I laughed and relaxed a bit, following him to the coat section.  I perused the hideous options and almost came up empty handed until my eyes landed on a sharp, black leather jacket.  I snatched it up in an instant and immediately took notice of the detail, the intricate stitching and the years of wear that made it look absolutely, perfectly comfortable.  I'd never owned a leather jacket, not that I ever needed one in Louisiana.  It appeared fairly clean, so I slid it on and found a full length mirror.

"What's the damage?" Q asked when he showed up behind me.

I smiled at his reflection and tugged the leather closer to my body. "Mmm, warm." Then I grabbed the price tag hanging from the cuff.  My jaw dropped.  "There's no way this is only ten bucks. It has to be marked wrong."

"Let me see."  He took my wrist and looked at the tag.  "Nope, that says ten dollars.   Pretty legibly too.  C'mon, I'll get it.  Let's eat."

"Don't be silly," I said as I slipped it back off and hung it over my forearm.  It wasn't a battle I was going to win, so I caved and let him purchase the coat for me.

He took notice of my disdain once back on the sidewalk, so he slung his arm over my shoulders and tugged me closer.  "Compromise?"

"Depends."

"You're tough," he chuckled.  Then he went serious again.  "How about you model it for me later?" 

"And how do I benefit from that?" I teased.

When he leaned into my ear to whisper something suggestive enough to get my blood rushing to all the right places, I swallowed hard and nodded.  "You've got yourself a deal."

Dinner was quiet and cozy at a small Italian restaurant, complete with checkerboard tablecloths and the candle holders made from wine bottles.  The food was outstanding and the vino, even tastier.  I tried to take my time because I knew that when we left the restaurant, I would be alone in his apartment while he went off to record one of his podcasts.  It was in New Jersey I learned, so I knew he would be more than a few hours.  I'd gotten so used to spending the past couple days with him, I thought I might find it hard to occupy myself the rest of the evening.

I was sitting on his couch with three remotes in my lap while he explained to me what each one did.  I laughed and tried to understand but shook my head in confusion instead.  "I don't think I'm going to play any video games tonight.  I'm simple.  How about just the cable?"

"Ah, yes," he said, reaching for yet another remote on the table.  He hit a button and the TV came on.

I picked up the pile of remotes and placed them on the coffee table, standing to wrap my arms around his waist.  "I appreciate it.  Thank you.  Thank you for everything.  Now, would you go before all of your friends despise me for making you late?"  He smiled but didn't laugh at my comment.  His fingers brushed a wild curl behind my ear and leaned down to kiss me.  His lips were still so incredibly soft, I couldn't get enough of him.  I let my hand rest on his scruffy beard and he pulled away, mumbling under his breath.

"I know I have to go, but I don't want to," he murmured, kissing my lips once more, then the edge of my jaw.  I smiled, hoping it would reassure him that I'd be just fine.  "It should only be a few hours.  You sure you don't want to come?"

I shook my head and placed my hands on his shoulders.  "I'm sure.  That's  _your_  time.  I'm sure you're sick of me.  I'll be okay."  Every part of me wanted to go because I didn't want to be away from him but I didn't want to be a nuisance to him, or his friends either.

"Hardly.  But fine," he pouted.  He kissed me again and walked to the door.  "Lock up behind me?" I nodded and followed, closing the door behind him and turned the deadbolt over.

I plopped back on the couch and his cats surrounded me, curling up into little balls on either side of my lap.  I laughed and took my phone out to text Liv.  I hadn't talked to her since I arrived in New York a couple days earlier.

_Help._

Liv:  What's wrong?  You're not having the time of your life?

I laughed only because I could almost hear her speaking the words.

 _I am.  I'm a complete_ _imbecile for doing this to myself._

Liv:  How many times have you guys done it?

_Alivia._

Liv:  Honest question.

_I'm not answering that._

Liv:  What's wrong, T?

_He's...  Amazing._

Liv:  ????

I bit my lip and shifted in my seat, tucking my leg underneath me.

_I got the talk I knew was coming, but he's being so freaking, goddamn, flipping wonderful._

Liv:  The 'this has been fun' talk?

_Yeah._

Liv:  How do you know?

_He's not good at...  Relationships, I guess?  I don't know._

Liv:  Oh lord.  Please don't tell me you told him you wanted one.

_No!_

Liv:  Okay good.  I knew I taught you better.  I just had to make sure.

_Thanks._

Liv:  You're welcome.  So, what's the issue?

_I was being sarcastic._

Liv:  I know. Just be you.  He's going to call again.  You're reading into it too much.  Stop being such a girl.

_I am a girl._

Liv:  No you're not.  You're a bad ass.

I slammed my phone shut and so badly wanted to yell at her.  Instead, I opened it back up to reply.

_You're not helping._

Liv:  He hasn't kicked you out or gotten sick of you yet so...  Wait.  He's not sick of you, is he?

_Not from what I can tell.  He SAYS he can't get enough of me._

Liv:  Then what are you so freaking worried about?

_I like him._

Liv:  And I'm sure he likes you.  He flew you to New York to spend four wonderful, sex filled days with him.  I don't even know anyone who'd do that for me.

_That's because you don't remember anyone's name._

Liv:  Are you calling me a slut?  Whatever.  Maybe he's afraid to tell you that he likes you.  Or maybe he doesn't know how.  Guys are weird... Yet simple at the same time.

_I don't know what I want._

Liv: Turn your brain off and just have fun with him.  At least do it for me because I can't wait to hear all about it.  Worry about that shit when you get home.

I sighed because I knew she was right.  There was more I needed to tell her, but that would happen when I got home.  I  _was_  thinking too much, just like she'd said.  It was just sex.  Good sex.  The best sex, ever.  That's what I'd told myself I wanted.   But dammit, it was his fault I'd begun to like him.  Because he was great.  Likable.  Fun.  And his wicked mouth.  Damnit, I had a one way ticket to hell.

I tossed my phone onto the table and clicked through the guide on the TV to find something to watch over the next couple hours.   I thought he would have been back but something must have come up so I fell asleep during a late night talk show, snuggled under one of his fleece blankets. 

It wasn't until I heard laughter in his kitchen that I awoke, laying completely still on his dark brown, chenille couch.  A variety of male voices filled my ears, Q and Sal's being the first I recognized.

"Would you guys keep it down?  She's probably sleeping.  I'm later than I said I'd be," Q said.  I heard the fridge open and beers clink together as they were set on the counter.

"You brought her  _here_?" another voice asked incredulously.  I didn't know whoever it was and I surely didn't like the tone he'd taken.  I pulled the blanket closer to my eyes and waited for more.

"Yes, she's here.  What's it to you?" Q replied.  Laughter erupted from the voice I couldn't distinguish.

"You heard him, Adam.  Keep it down," Sal hissed.

"So, this is new.  What makes her different?  Magical kitty?" Adam asked.  I heard Q grumble and the beers crack open.  "You never bring chicks back here."

"She's a nice girl," Sal added.

"You thinkin' about hanging onto this one?  Ha.  From what you've said about her so far she sounds  _way_  too hot for you, dude.  And she's only twenty-nine?  You're a dirty mother fucker," Adam continued, patting his friend on the back.   _Oh, if he only knew._   And well, I was thirty now but no one needed to know that.  My brow creased as I sunk deeper into his couch and listened to the nonsense spew from the stranger's mouth.

"Tell me the last time you've had a hot girl interested in you?  Huh?  Yeah, that's what I thought so stop being such a dick," Sal said.  I knew I should have made myself known and stop eavesdropping, but something kept me quiet.   _Who is this asshole?_

Adam snorted. "She's a good lay, I totally get it.  But what the fuck, man?  What about that hair chick that you talk about all the time?  Or Cam and that tight little package?" he added.  Whoever the guy was, he made my skin crawl.

"Jesus, Adam.  Give the guy a break already."  I heard Sal's frustrated grumble and held back my laughter even though I was disgusted with the conversation happening ten feet away.  Then I heard Q's voice.

"No, this instance is no different than any other.  I'm not hanging onto anyone.  And I don't talk about anyone, you ass.  Tess...  She's different.  She wasn't a fan when we met.  She had no clue who I was and she still doesn't watch the show.  And the sex is," he paused and my heart stopped right along with his words, "fuck.  It's hot, dude."  The blush that usually adorned my cheeks spread throughout my entire body instead.

"It's all over your face.  You're fucking whipped," Adam laughed.  I rolled my eyes. and regretted snooping in on the conversation immediately.

"No, I'm not whipped.  She's fun and yeah, maybe I happen to like her so I'm gonna enjoy myself until she gets wise," Q added.   _Say what?_   I rolled onto my side, staring at the cushion just inches from my nose.  I immediately regretted snooping on their conversation.  There was a reason I wasn't supposed to hear it, and that was because I'd just stew and get angry.  And I'd begin to question myself.  Then, probably him.  Then, myself again and come to the conclusion that I was an idiot for letting myself have him and enjoy him even though it was going to end and I'd have to go back to my boring, mediocre life without him.

As I tried to drown out the chatter over the next half an hour, I buried myself deeper beneath the blanket and prayed I wouldn't be noticed.  I finally heard the door shut and his home went quiet.  My stomach was rolling with anxiety, waiting for the moment he would discover me on his couch instead of in his bed.

I heard him walk into his bedroom, then emerge just as quickly and he cursed under his breath as he found me.  "Tess?" he asked, kneeling down.  I pretended to be asleep until he brushed the hair from my eyes.

"Hmm?" I murmured, fluttering my eyes open.  "Hey.  When did you get home?" I asked sleepily, stretching beneath the blanket.

"Just got in.  Come on, it's late," he said softly.  He pulled the blanket from me and lifted me into his arms before I had any chance of stopping him.  He carried me to his room and despite everything I had just overheard, I still wanted him to undress me and do as he pleased.  I wasn't the slightest bit fond of this Adam character and wished that I could give him a piece of my mind.  I really hoped that they weren't that close because I didn't see anything worth liking in the man.  But, I didn't know him and I wasn't exactlyone of the guys.

He laid me on top of the covers and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts again.  My mind went over the words I heard exchanged between the three of them and I suddenly remembered that Adam was surprised that Q had brought me to his apartment.  I didn't know what to think of that and I couldn't figure out what was so strange about it to him.

He was quiet when he returned and I took my turn in the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face.  I could see the jacket from the second door to his bathroom that opened up to the kitchen.  It hung on the back of a bar stool and it was sitting there.   Calling my name.  I bit my lip and tiptoed across the hardwood floor and grabbed it, slipping it over my body after I undressed to just my underwear.  I turned the light off before opening the door to not give away the surprise.

The flat screen that hung on his wall cast a soft glow over the bed and I crawled onto his lap, straddling his waist.  He looked at me and let out a soft breath, his hand touching my stomach, moving up the center of my chest that the unzipped jacket bared to him.  I closed my eyes and leaned my head back to await his next move.  Only there wasn't one.  His touch disappeared and I opened my eyes to find his pressed shut.

"I...  I'm sorry," I said softly as I climbed off of him.  I quickly tossed my legs over the side of the bed and walked to my suitcase to find a shirt to put on.  As I pulled the tank over my head I heard him let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"No.  Don't ever apologize for  _that_ ," he said in a husky, tired voice.  "Just...  Come here and lay with me," he continued gently, holding his hand out to me when I turned around.  There was something bothering him which in turn bothered the hell out of me.  And it looked like he wanted to say something but he was holding back.  Probably something hinting toward my send off.  So he could move onto bigger, better, greener pastures since he'd been interrogated about me.  And come to find out, I was no different than any other woman he'd been with.

So, I obeyed his request and took his hand, feeling all sorts of uneasiness within my mind.  He pulled me into the bed and I laid beside him, unaware of what he wanted or needed at that moment.  It wasn't sex, obviously, since I'd just been denied moments before.  He slid his arm beneath my head and tugged me closer to his body.  My hand slid apprehensively over his stomach and I looked up at him for any sign of agitation.  Relief washed over me when contentment filled his face and he squeezed me tighter against him.

"You okay?" I asked softly.

"I am now.  You need to sleep.  You didn't get any last night."  Mentally, I froze and wracked my brain for any indication I might have given him that I'd only slept about twenty minutes.   _Did you toss and turn? Did you keep him up?_

I didn't prod him with anymore questions.  I stirred in my own befuddlement and annoyance but snuggled myself closer when he welcomed more of my touch.  Whatever we had together felt good no matter anyone else's opinion and when I was able to somewhat believe it, I was able to fall into a deep slumber, his scent and warmth comforting me throughout the night.

*

It wasn't until Q's thigh slid between mine that I realized it was the next morning.  Already.  My back was to him and his body was draped lazily over mine with one arm under my head, the other spread across my stomach.  He must have been feeling better.  I smiled to myself and didn't want to disturb him so I laid still and stared at the door that led to the rest of his apartment.  He stirred slightly, tightening the grip he had on my waist but his breathing stayed even against my curls.  I felt so content in that moment that I wished that I could skip my flight that was a few hours later and just stay in bed with him all day.

Even the fact that he didn't want to have sex the night before wasn't going to ruin the feeling I'd woken up with.  It was cozy, comfortable and it felt entirely mutual.  With everything that had happened, I couldn't understand why he thought it could be ruined.  There was great chemistry, we had a blast together and the things that went on in the bedroom were the farthest, farthest thing from anything remotely disappointing.  There was no way I could call it quits just like that.  Unless there was some deep, dark secret he was hiding.  But I didn't think that was the case.

I laughed softly when one of his three cats jumped onto the bed and carefully stepped over me to get to him.  He sat on his pillow and batted at his head.  "Not now," he grumbled.  He shifted and pulled his arm out from under my head to grab the feline and set him down on the floor.  Yanking the covers back up over his head, he quickly snuggled into me again.  His arm slid under mine and it spread across my collar bone all the while pressing his morning excitement against my back.  I yawned and stretched beneath the covers, purposely sliding my body against his when I did so.  He groaned and moved his hand down to squeeze my breast and I couldn't help but grin when I rolled my hips into him again.

The sheer curtain that covered the window told me indeed it was early but I didn't care in the least.  I wasn't going to waste any more time with sleep that morning.  I could sleep on the plane.  I had to make the most of what little time I had left with him.  His warm hand continued to massage my breasts as his breathing hastened, thickening with want and desire.  He was still under the covers, hidden from the morning when I slid down the bed and rolled him onto his back.  My heart raced at the thought of what I was about to do.   _Fuck that Adam guy.  He has no clue_.

I nudged his thighs apart and knelt between them when the sounds from his mouth ceased.  I bit my lip, looking at his impressive size that was just inches in front of my face.  My fingers reached for the waist of his boxers and I freed him, using my foot to slide the fabric from his legs completely.  Leaning forward, I exhaled against him very delicately, just barely touching my lips underneath.  He hissed and shifted beneath me which made me smile, ultimately encouraging me to continue.  My tongue traced over the tip then down one side of him while my hand clutched the inside of his thigh.

"Fuck, baby," he whispered.  

I left him just for a moment to kiss the tender skin below his navel before I smirked and moved back to him, sliding my hands up his stomach as I attentively placed my lips against his length, moving them over every inch of him.  I nipped at him playfully, tactfully and ever so gently.  Moving lower, I let my mouth massage him in his most vulnerable area, causing him to tense and utter colorful words.  I kissed my way back up, teasing him with my mouth, not quite fully taking him on yet.  I heard him mutter more obscenities and it only made me hotter.  Closing my mouth around him finally, I began a slow, methodical rhythm. 

 "Tess," he murmured, that time panting as he threw the covers off.   I felt his eyes on me but didn't let them make me feel any sort of self conscious.  I worked him leisurely but with a sole purpose in my mind.  Up and down.  Down and up, again and again.  He pushed my hair out of his way so he could watch, thrusting his hips gently upward.  My lips left him just for a second and I met his eyes, a look of pleasant surprise and astonishment on his face.  "I didn't..." he trailed off as I claimed him again.

"Hmm?" I questioned while my mouth surrounded him.  I smiled to myself, getting more and more into the intimate act.

"You...  That...  Is so...  Fucking.  Good."  His words were stifled and staggered as I continued on my journey to pleasure him.  Listening to him enjoy me that way only drove me more and I was determined to make him feel unbelievable.  I had to.  I wanted to.  I  _needed_  him to remember me.  Because I wanted him.  Especially after all the things he had done for me and  _to_  me that weekend.  I found myself moaning around him as I lingered, the vibrations causing his hand to grab my hair at the base of my neck.  I dipped my palm lower to massage the delicate skin beneath his manhood and allowed him to push himself deeper when he felt my touch.  I took a deep breath through my nose and did my best to accommodate him.  "You're going to make me come, baby," he murmured, easing up his grip.

He stopped me and sat up, the look in his eyes taking my breath away.  They told me exactly what he wanted.  He threw me onto my back and yanked my hips to his which made a gasp escape my lungs.  I hadn't expected him to react in that way, so hungry and carnal, but it was riveting to say the least.  His eyes softened as he slid my shirt over my head.

His expression was captivating as he allowed me to roll him over.  I took a deep breath and wiped my lips sensually then crawled onto his lap.  Pushing him back against the headboard, my hand gripped his shoulder as I lowered myself onto him.  It took me a few moments to adjust to his size but I didn't give him time to notice.  I rolled my body onto his, sliding my hands into my hair as I let everything go.   All of my doubts.  Fears.  Every bit of modesty had made itself scarce.  I needed him to know how much I craved him.  How much I ached to please him and for him to please me and that I wasn't ready for us to stop whatever this was.

He let me continue and didn't make a sound.  Goosebumps erupted over my body as he hit deep and my fingers dug into his shoulders in response to the sensation.  I pulled him forward when I felt my legs begin to shudder, wanting, needing to feel his chest against mine when I came unglued.  His arms enveloped my body and I let my head fall back, trying desperately not to let my hips falter.

We moved seamlessly, but that was all thanks to him in the moments that followed.  My release neared and I lost all control.  Every last bit of it.  "Ugh...  Yes, Brian..." I cried, wrapping my hands in his hair before it all hit me.  I pressed my weight onto him and let everything go, burying my face into his neck.  He held me tight and let me enjoy every second of the explosion that rocked me at my core.  My thighs shook and my body wasn't far behind as I squeezed him one last time.  My throat was dry but I wasn't even close to being done with him.  He let out one of his erotic growls and rolled me over.

In the swift movement, his body hadn't left mine and he started with an agonizing, tantalizing and altogether amazing undulation.  He was making me crazy.  I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt.  Or how the hell he held back.  His frame completely bound me to him, and to his bed.  I wrapped my legs around his waist and slid my hands to his backside, trying to coax him faster.

"Nu-uh, baby.  I have to take my time," he whispered.  His strong hips made slow, sweet love to my body and I couldn't do anything but breathe his name and arch my back.  My hands reached for him, sliding up his solid back to his hair then down again, never able to get enough.  I panted and my chest heaved beneath him before I pulled him in for a kiss.  His lips were urgent, yet gentle.  He pulled away when he began a quicker motion, resting his forehead against my own where his eyes captured mine and he stayed there, letting me see the progression of the pleasure on his face.

"Yes, Brian," I murmured, pushing his hair back.  I felt him weaken with the mention of his name and his body began to tremble, his pace hastening even more.  His bed moved beneath us and it instantly made everything more intense.  Hotter for him and every single thing he was doing to me.  My skin was deliciously slick with a light sweat from the both of us.

The bliss consumed him before he could muster another word.  I held him, keeping him completely within me until it was all over.  His lips were against my ear and I listened to his breathing return to normal over the next few minutes.  Meanwhile, my own heart was racing, matching his rhythm since we were basically a worthless heap on the mattress and I was glad to have had some sort of affect on him.  My eyes landed on his clock and it practically screamed at me and made my stomach hit the floor.

"I have to get ready to go," I said softly, biting my lip hard because I didn't want to go anywhere.  Not anytime soon.  But I had to play it cool.  He ignored my statement when he lifted himself up and grabbed his boxers to clean me up after he withdrew.  I sighed uneasily and rolled onto my side, chewing on my thumbnail.

"Not that I'm complaining, Tess.  But where in the  _hell_  did that come from?"

My breath caught in my throat and I blushed, the pounding of my heart in my ears.  "I, um..."  I felt him lie back down behind me and his fingers traced up and down the skin of my shoulder, all the way to the curve of my hip.

"I don't know why you get so nervous, baby.  Don't get me wrong, it's adorable.  But you have nothing to worry about," he said.   _Oh, but you do._   I'd just done something to him that I had never enjoyed before, but I found myself thinking about it the entire weekend.  I felt empowered, sexy even when I started but I hadn't expected to be questioned about it afterward, so naturally, I didn't know what to say.

"You..."  I bit my lip.  "You make me want to do things...  Try things with you that I'm not necessarily the, um, best at.  But I had to...  Because I want you to feel good.  All the time.  Because you make me feel amazing," I whispered bashfully.  I hugged his pillow as his fingers continued to tease my skin and closed my eyes.

He chuckled softly and moved my hair to kiss the back of my neck.  "I'm glad you're comfortable in  _that_  sense, Tess.  We'll have to work on the other stuff though."  He kissed my shoulder next then my forearm and finally my knuckles.  "I'm making breakfast.  Don't move."

I listened to his command and stayed in bed, pulling the sheet over my body.  My mind still reeled with the reality of not using protection again, but he felt so much better to me without.  And maybe what he'd told me was true, that he had never forgotten before.   _Highly doubtful_.  That I could live with, I thought.  At least I could trust him enough to believe that he was clean, as was I.  Before I knew it, my mind was dazed with confusion again.  He wanted me, he'd said but he also mentioned that relationships didn't work out for him.  Not that I necessarily wanted a so-called relationship with him- I just didn't want the sex to stop.  Because it was amazing, addicting, fulfilling.  I wanted more.  It couldn't possibly end.  Maybe I just needed to grow a pair and tell him exactly that.  That I'd be okay being a piece on the side, because I was sure there had to be more women in his life.  There absolutely had to be.  More power to him, I guess.  Then I got to thinking about Camille.   Was she one of them?  And lastly, that brought me to the guy in his kitchen the night before.  I was in over my head.   _No, you're just thinking too much.  Keep it simple, stupid.  He doesn't want a headcase._

Taking a deep breath, I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling.  None of what I was thinking was relevant.  It wasn't going to matter the moment I landed back in Louisiana.  I'd get sucked back into work and my less than stellar social life and I needed to find a hobby that didn't involve thinking about him.  That was going to be difficult because I knew I'd spend every waking moment trying my best to forget about him.  "Fucking perfect," I muttered.

"What was that?" Q asked as he walked back into the room with two bagels.

I blushed and quickly shook my head.  "Just talking to the cat."  He sat down on the bed and I looked at him, taking in the sight of his hair that was a glorious, sexy mess thanks to my hands.  I bit my lip and moved my eyes to the plate before he caught me fan-girling over him.

*

I'd secretly hoped that the ride to the airport would have been longer.  It would be the last time his scent lingered beside me.  The last time I would be able to touch him.  But I had to be a big girl.  Be more of the bad ass as Liv said and just get over it.   _Move on_.  Thank him for the best sex I would ever have and move the hell on.  If I had to.  I'm sure there would be other men to come into my life if I could allow it.   _Not for a long, long time, mama_.

He stopped at the departure gate where he put his Jeep in park and I gave him a small smile, wanting to say something but turned to get out instead.  The back end was open before I got to it and my suitcase was on the concrete.

"Thank you, Tess.  Thank you for keeping me company this weekend and...  For everything else," he began, shutting the hatch.

I slid my hands into the pockets of the leather jacket he bought for me and bit my lip.  That was it.  The end.  I was going to get on the plane and never have the joy of laying with him again.   _You're a thirty year old woman, for God sake.  Stop being a baby._   I knew deep down it was for the best but it was still going to be really hard to dismiss him from my memory.  Or forget anything about him, for that matter.  At least I was able to take control earlier that morning.  It felt a little like that I got what I went there for.  Pleasure.  Satisfaction.  Closure.   _Ha, closure my ass._

"Thank you for having me out, Q," I said, smiling at him.  The sky was a dingy, muddy color and the wind was cold.  Damp, like my brain.  It whirled my curls into a frenzy and I tried my best to gather them so I could see at his face.  I laughed when I realized it was doing absolutely no good, so I stepped forward and placed a soft kiss on his scruffy cheek.  Just to touch him one last time.  I pulled the handle up on my bag to walk inside, turning toward the automatic doors when I thought I saw a look that resembled panic on his face.

"Wait," he blurted, shoving his own hands into the pockets of the tattered, faded jeans he wore.

I spun slowly and looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, heart pounding.  "Yeah?"   _Don't get your hopes up.  You probably left something in the car_.

He pursed his lips and couldn't have looked anymore adorable if he'd tried.  "This...  It can't be goodbye, Tess," he continued.  My heart quit pounding and dropped to the soles of my feet.  I parted my lips to speak but nothing came out.  His eyes darted across the busy departure area, cars passing and honking all around us before he heaved a frustrated grumble, he took his hat off to run a hand through his messy hair.

I smiled at his nervousness and wondered when that happened.  Again.  The words I spoke next came easy because I wanted him to believe that I'd be okay leaving that day with no other expectations.  "It's all right.  You don't have to say anything else," I told him, noncommittally shrugging one shoulder.  I lifted my bag onto the curb and stood beside it.  "Tenacious is one thing that I'm not, okay?  We had fun."

His head shook and he looked appalled that I would say such a thing. Fretful.  _It's what he wanted, isn't it?_   "No.  Just...  Stop," he said.  Then he sighed, looking up at the clouds then down at his boots.  Anywhere but at me while he tried to pull himself together.   "I know we talked a little yesterday. About me.  But I was kind of...  I was hoping this might be...  Shit."

I snickered quietly and waited for him to continue because I'd never seen him so befuddled before. "Q..."

"I told you to call me Brian and I'm not finished yet," he shot back.  I clamped my lips together and tugged my jacket around me tighter. _  
_

"I don't want this to be goodbye is what I'm trying to say.  I want this to be more of an...  I'll see you later, kind of thing."

All of the air whooshed from my lungs and I felt myself sway on my feet.  His words made me grip the handle on my suitcase to keep from falling over.  "W-what?" was all I could say.  The wind picked up again and swirled my hair into a mess and I lost sight of him again.  "You don't have to do this.  I don't want you to feel like you have to come up with some sort of explanation-"

He cut me off and I felt his arms pull my body flush with his.  "You can't stop talking right now, can you?  I'm not done yet."  His tone was playful yet serious and I nodded.   _Don't fuck this up, Tess_.  His fingers pushed my hair from my face, holding it gently to the side until I smoothed it down.  I was able to see him again and his big brown eyes were sober as his warm hands cupped my face.  I closed mine tightly when he brushed his lips over my mouth.  He was determined to make the goodbye difficult.  I let go of my hair and wrapped my hands around his forearms when he deepened his delicious, knee-weakening embrace.  His tongue slid over my lower lip and I exhaled, allowing it to dip into my mouth to just barely touch mine.

"Brian..." I murmured, but he didn't let up.  He moved one hand to the back of my neck that kept me firmly planted in front of him.  My body responded and I pulled him even closer, clutching his shirt just inside his jacket.  I was suddenly warmed and completely oblivious that it was just barely forty degrees that morning.

"Liv was right.  You are stubborn as hell," he mumbled when he broke the kiss.  We still stood together and I had to force myself to catch my breath.  My face was red, a color I was becoming used to showing whenever I was around him.  "We're good together.  Don't you see that?"

"In bed."  I looked up at him with half-lidded eyes.

"That's all this is?"  He sounded hurt and I immediately shook my head.   _Wait, was it?_

"I mean, I just...  You're famous..."  I smacked my palm to my forehead and hid my face from him.  "You don't have time for any of this. You're-"

"What was this weekend then?" he asked. _  
_

"Um..."   _You're such an asshole, Tess._   "It was great.  I don't know."   _Smooth_.

He laughed again and I was puzzled.  "Seriously?"  Grumbling playfully, he wrapped me in another hug.

"Of course."

"Though I do enjoy the way you get all sorts of flustered, I don't want you to be nervous.  Just talk to me.  Be honest with me."  I acknowledged him but still avoided eye contact.  "I.  Want.  To.  Do.  This. Again.  I  _have_  to see you again, Tess.  Is that too much for a,  _famous_ , guy to ask?"  His hands left my waist briefly to quote the air and it drew a much needed laugh from my lips.

Then, I shook my head like a moron, "no."

"How come my so-called status is such an issue now?  It wasn't before."

 _I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!_ I'd seen the way people reacted when they recognized him.  He had a freaking hit television show.  Multiple well-known podcasts.  A nationwide tour coming up soon and hundreds of thousands of fans he had to keep happy.  Female fans.  I hadn't realized the seriousness of it until I came to New York.  I didn't know if I could compete with that.  I didn't know if I'd ever be enough for him.

A smile spread across my face as I thought but when I moved my lips to speak, it disappeared.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked.   _God, he can read you_.

"I should get through security," I announced.   _Good answer.  Not_.  His shoulders fell.  My heart followed.  He shook his head as he tried to understand.

 _WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?_    I yelled at myself as I turned and walked away from him.  I made it ten feet when he called out from behind me.

"Tess, wait," he shouted.  I stopped dead in my tracks, took a deep breath and spun back around on my heels.  One more shaky breath later, he closed the distance between us.  

"Look, I'm sor-"

"I know what I said yesterday has to have you thinking all sorts of things.  First off that I'm an asshole and I apologize for that.  But I was telling the truth, that you're a good thing, Tess.   You're refreshing.  And I really don't want that feeling to go away," he confessed.

I stared at him like the bonehead I was and nodded.  "I told you not to apologize for being honest.  I'm good with whatever you want."

"What about what you want?" he asked.

I shrugged, sliding my hands into my back pockets. "Does it matter?"  I bit my lip sheepishly as the words escaped me.

His smile disappeared and he bent to meet my eyes.  "Of course it matters, Tess.  I'm not that big of a jerk, am I?"

"Well, no.  That's not what I'm implying.  I just don't want you to feel like you need to do all this.  I don't want this to get complicated either.  Yeah, I like you.  But I'm not gonna get all weird if you call it off, if that's what you're worried about.  I'm an adult, I can handle it," I told him.  But I think it was more to convince myself that I was prepared to get on with my life.  One that would no longer include him.

"I know.  And I don't think things are complicated at all, sweetheart.  You get it.  There aren't many that do and I appreciate it more than you know," he replied.

 _So, am I different?_   It was a question on the tip of my tongue but my conscience told me to keep my mouth shut.  For whatever reason, he may have liked me as well and I was just being too hard on myself.  Or him, one of the two.  "Well, I'm glad."  I didn't know what else to say because honestly, my thoughts were a discombobulated wreck.  Between what he was saying to me right there on the concrete versus what played out the night before in his kitchen, I didn't know what story to believe.  Sure, it had been guy talk, but it wasn't as if he was jumping to defend himself like he was ashamed of me in any way.  Just more of a rough and tough guy who didn't do relationships.

"You've been quiet way too long.  Say something," he begged.

I lifted my eyes to his once more and gave him a soft smile.  "Something," I joked halfheartedly.  He laughed and slid his hands onto my waist.  I moved mine to the lapels of his jacket and leaned into his warmth.

"I'm serious though, Tess.  This is not goodbye," he confessed and my stomach fluttered.  He wanted to see me, of all people, again.  I didn't know what I'd done to earn that other than being my clumsy, bashful self.  Except when the clothes were off.  I felt like a completely different person when I was naked with him.

"Okay."

"A woman of so many words," he chuckled again.  I couldn't stop from smiling, so I buried my face into his chest and took one last deep breath of his scent.  Tipping my chin up, he cupped my cheeks and swept his mouth over mine.  I kissed him back slowly, exhaling when his tongue brushed against my own.  "Stay. Just a little bit longer," he whispered.

I whimpered a little bit before pulling away where he rested his lips on my forehead.  "I can't."

"Liv can't cover for you?"

I shook my head, sliding my hands around his waist.  "She already has.  Plus, she's probably already at the airport waiting for me."  I smiled, willing my cheeks to return to a normal color.

"I'll be seeing you later then."  He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose and finally my lips once more.  I hung onto him, drawing the embrace out as long as I could before I really had to catch my flight.

"See ya later."  I smiled one last time and spun my suitcase forward, giving him a small wave as I disappeared within the bustling airport crowd.

*

Once I landed, Liv was there to pick me up as planned with a witty remark.   "You can still walk, I see.  Are you  _sure_  you got it on enough this weekend?"

I rolled my eyes at her and climbed into the cab.  "Hush up," I spat.  I pulled my hair tie loose and sighed heavily.

The plane ride had given me ample time to go over everything that'd happened over the weekend.  The last serious words exchanged weighed heavily on me, exceeding any other rational thought I tried to come up with.  I wanted him but still didn't know how it would be possible, even after I tried to convince myself that I was capable of having a long distance...  Sporadic...  Fling.  A weekend here and there would be nice.  At first maybe.  But I wasn't so sure I could handle it if I continued to feel the way about him like I did.  I was already addicted and it was clear he didn't want anything serious.  As much as I told myself that I'd be okay with it, I knew I wouldn't be in the long run.  But if a little heartache was all it took to keep him in my life, I'd just learn to deal.

"Sheesh.  What crawled up your ass?" she asked, pulling away from the airport.  The truck hit the expressway and I was relieved to roll the window down.  It was easily at least thirty degrees warmer back at home.  I had removed the leather jacket before getting off the plane and it laid over the center console between us.

"He wants to see me.   _Again_."  I stared out at the cityscape as it got smaller and watched the scenery change to rural and swampy.

"And that's a bad thing because...?"

"I just don't think it's the best idea," I told her.

She laughed, but continued to concentrate solely on the road.  "Why not?"

I shot her a glare, unable to believe the fact that she didn't understand.  "Uh, because he's Brian Quinn.  Famous dude who doesn't do relationships.  Who also happens to live in New York.  He just sleeps with women until he gets tired of them, then moves on to someone new.  It's better to just call it quits now before I catch any more feelings."

She didn't miss a beat.  "I know you've gone out on a creaky limb for this guy, T, but are you sure you want it to end?  I mean, it sounds like he's a bit nuts over you.  Don't you think?"

Shaking my head, I stared at the road before us.  "He says he likes me but I overheard him talking the other night with his buddies.  He said I'm no different than any other woman he's been with and he's just gonna enjoy it while it lasts."

"Egh, really?"

"Yeah, I didn't take it too much to heart because he told me earlier that he's not a relationship guy, but to hear it said like that, it kinda stung.  Even if it wasn't meant for my ears," I explained.  Then I sighed, pulling my knee to my chest to stare out the window.

"Well, fuck it.  Look on the bright side, you had a free weekend in New York with a hot guy and good sex.  And if he calls again, great.  If not, you've got some steamy memories, right?  Am I right?" she asked, nudging my thigh.

I laughed.  Just a little, "yep."

"Tess," she whined.  "I thought you would be happy and seeing you like this makes me sad."

I glanced over at her and gave her my best reassuring smile.  "Steamy memories, remember?"

"And whenever you see him on TV, you can brag about how you got to hit that.  Dozens of times, right?"

"Yes." My laugh was more genuine that time and surprisingly lifted my spirits a tad.  When we got home, I dropped my suitcase at the washer and threw my purse on the island.  A warm breeze floated through the open windows and I inhaled the scent of the water, taking notice that his was gone from my memory.  I could somewhat imagine it, but it was nowhere near the same and it wrenched deep at my gut.

Three hours later, all of my laundry was clean and folded when I decided to crack a beer and check the battery power on my piece of crap phone.  The last bar was blinking, but that was in hindsight when I saw new messages from Q.

Q:  Did you make it yet?

Q:  You there?

Q:  If you don't answer, I'll just assume you're ignoring me.  But I truly had a wonderful time this weekend, Tess.  I hope you can say the same.  Get ahold of me if the mood ever strikes you.

I smiled, noting that each one was sent about an hour apart.  Had he still been thinking about me, even then?  I pressed to reply, stopping for a moment to rethink the decision I already thought I'd made.   _Damn him_.

_Yes, I made it.  Apologize for not getting back to you sooner.  Engulfed in laundry._

His response came quick.

Q:  Good.  I was beginning to worry.

Then another.

Q:  You're beautiful.

I blushed against my will and shook my head, setting the phone down.  I had to be strong.  Strong enough to resist his charm because we weren't going anywhere.  Ever.  I wanted to believe I could just be one of those friends-with-benefits types but I was only kidding myself.  Had I known he was going to be a dead end in the beginning, I wasn't entirely sure I would have gone through with it.   _Oh shut up, yes you would have.  You can't resist_.  I laughed out loud at my snarky inner voice and went back to chores before wasting the entire night texting with him.

When everything was put away, I joined Liv in our backyard with another beer.  She was quiet, as was I and we both stared out at the river that flowed behind our house.

"You're not gonna be in some kinda funk now, are ya?" she asked, breaking the silence that had consumed us for over ten minutes.

"I'm fine, Liv.  You don't have to be so mean," I replied.

"Touchy, too?"

I threw my bottle cap at her.  "Bite me."

"I'm pretty sure that's BQ's job," she teased and I rolled my eyes.

"You have a nickname for him now?"

She shrugged.  "I had a lot of spare time this weekend.  Even got me a Twitter."

"Dear lord, Twitter?  I can barely Facebook," I laughed.

"I think I've got the hang of it.  He's got like, three hundred thousand followers or some crazy shit.  You're one lucky chick," she replied.

"Don't remind me," I grumbled.  I took a sip of the ale and sat back in the chair.  "Anything else happen this weekend?"

"Nope.  Tell me about yours."

"You got the gist of it."

"No!  All you told me was what happened when you left.  What did you guys do?  I mean, other than make good use of his mattress."

Blushing, I slid my bare feet through the cool grass.  "I had New York pizza.  Which, let me tell you, is amazing.  He took me around a little bit of the city yesterday.   Showed me his favorite thrift shop. Um...  Met up with Sal one night.  Oh!  Ran into Blondie, too.  Let me tell you how awkward that was," I rambled.

"Did he invite her?" she asked, almost disgusted with the mere mention of Camille.

"I don't think so.  It was this big hoopla for her when she jiggled up to the table.  When he went up to the bar with one of his podcasting friends she sat down and proceeded to tell me what a good kisser he was-"

Liv gasped, "she did  _not_!"

Grinning at her, I nodded.  "Oh yeah. I almost choked on my drink when she said it.  I mean, I was the new kid there but I don't think that's the first thing I'd say to pretty much a complete stranger."

"What a cunt.  She knows you two are sleeping together."

I waved her colorful language off and cringed.  "Whatever.  I don't care.   It was just... Very odd for her to come at me like that.  Like she wanted us to be buds because maybe she was in the same shoes."

"Meh, I don't think so.  I don't think he'd dabble with someone flashy like her.  It could'a been a front because she's so totally jealous of you, T," she said.

"Nah."  I shook her comments off and didn't put anymore thought into it.  It was in the past and certainly none of my business any longer.

She left it alone much to my surprise.  "Have you talked to him since you got back?"

Swallowing a gulp of beer, I nodded.  "He text me a few times."

"Girl," she heaved exasperatedly.

"What?"

"I don't understand your control.  I'd be  _all_ over that," she confessed rather dramatically.

The next week or so rolled in and I got back to my routine- one that began to consist of daily texts from Q, much to my dismay.  Part of me wished he would just leave me alone, but the other half craved the attention he paid me.  Liv always knew who it was by the look on my face and I always tried to hide it because I didn't want to be  _that_  girl.

It was Thursday again and I'd settled in for the night, curled up, fast asleep under my comforter when my phone rang beside me.  Confused as to who would be calling that late, I was groggy and unaware of my surroundings as I reached for the dim, blue light that barely lit up on my nightstand.

"You better have a good reason for calling at this hour," I grumbled hoarsely.

"Tess..."  It was too a hoarse whisper, from the man I'd not once forgotten about since leaving his very presence.  The sound of it jolted me awake and made my heart begin to pound in my chest.

"Brian?  Is that you?  Is everything okay?" I asked the best I could as I rushed to find the toggle switch on my lamp.  I was in a panic, and I wasn't quite sure why.  I'd assumed we had only gone to texting- to keep things simple and emotionless.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he said.  It was a simple answer, as if he hadn't heard my outburst.

"Did you press the wrong button?"

"What?"

 _Great, now he's confused_.  "I mean, was it supposed to be a text, or..."

"No, I meant to call you, Tess," he said, once again in the delicious, gruff tone he had going on for some reason.  It sounded like he'd just...   _No, no no, don't go there, Tess_. _He's smarter than that_.

"Why?" I blurted.  It wasn't supposed to sound like it did, but I'd just been woken from a deep sleep and I was still trying to gather my bearings.  I had most of them in the basket, but his last sentence had a few rolling just out of my reach.  Then he was quiet.  The line had some fuzz, but I think that was thanks to my piece of shit phone.

"I wanted to hear your voice."  Again, another simple statement but he had my mind abuzz.

"Oh," I exhaled, laying back on my pillows.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, Tess."

My whole body tingled, from the inside out, and I swore I was floating four feet above my bed.  "Why?"

"Inquisitive tonight, are we?"

"I just can't understand why you're calling at three o'clock in the morning.  Don't you have to go to work tomorrow?" I asked.

"I'll deal with that when it comes to it.  I just...  Your body, your mouth...  You're in my head, Tess," he stated and again, my body went red hot.

"Brian," I said, half warning, half pining for him.

"I'm off in a couple weeks.  I need to see you."

"I-"

"I'll come to you, baby.  It's gotten happen or I'm gonna go crazy."

I closed my eyes, immediately imagining him between my thighs.  Between my very own sheets.  "When?"

"The week before Christmas."

"Do it."  I tried to sound like I wasn't panting like a horny mutt, but with the few words shared I was burning with desire.  And I really hoped he wasn't fucking around because I might hurt the person who'd wound me up so tight, so quickly.

In the weeks that followed, I kept up on my work out regiment- not only to keep fit, but to release all of the tension within my muscles until I was hopefully graced with him and some sort of divulging, sexual in nature.  By him.  Only him.  I didn't know when I'd got so screwed up and become a fiend, but somewhere along the way it'd happened.  Completely against my will.  I was going to be at his mercy the moment he stepped through the door.  And there was no way I was letting him leave my bed until I'd gotten my fill.  That might take a while.

And I was surprised that he'd kept his word.  I wasn't holding him to anything, more so to protect myself from any sort of let down.  But when he called to let me know he was in the state of Louisiana, every sense I had control of was on high alert.  Liv was out with some other friends, which I suspected she would be the entire night since I told her Q was coming into town.  On the other hand, knowing her I'm sure she'd poke her nose in at some point.

I was at the kitchen with my laptop and various notes strewn about the counter, thinking I might actually get something accomplished in the anguishing minutes before he arrived.   _You're so silly_.  But I sat still on the stool, tapping my pen ferociously on the granite.  My nerves had me all over the place and I couldn't remember the last thing I did.  I didn't even think I'd eaten at all during the hours I was awake.  First mistake.  I was going to go hypoglycemic the moment I saw him.  So, with that in mind, I downed a quick snack and ran upstairs to brush my teeth once again.  That's when I heard him.

"Tess?" he called out.  He was at my front door.  In the flesh.  No longer on the other end of the cell phone call.  I looked down at my cotton shorts and worn t-shirt to keep myself from throwing up.  I made sure to get a nice, sun-kissed glow before he got there and I was surprisingly satisfied with the results.  December in Louisiana wasn't bad after all.

"One sec," I managed to yell back.  I rinsed my mouth, wiped my face and took a deep, settling breath before I descended the stairs to meet him at the screen door.

"Jesus, you're beautiful."

And that's all it took.  He looked good- delicious, edible.  I pushed the door open to let his torn, ratty, sexy jean clad self into my house.  I was in his arms a second later, pressed against the wall in a passionate, frantic kiss.  I pushed his ball cap off because there was no need to be bothered with yet another obstacle.  Though I did enjoy him in a hat, I wanted him naked.  Stat.  There were four weeks of pent up sexual tension within me just bursting at the seams to be let loose.

"Up...  Stairs."  That was all I could manage between kisses and graceful fumbling.  His bag fell over and we tripped on a couple steps, but alas, we made it to the bedroom where I began to strip his clothes off.  We could talk after.  If I could.  Maybe I just wanted him for his body after all.  I didn't have a fucking clue because I'd been blinded with lust.

"Take your clothes off," he commanded while he slipped his shoes to the side.  I inhaled and slowly began the undressing.  I stood from the bed and shimmied my cotton shorts down when I heard him curse under his breath.  My insides twisted, but I couldn't not continue.   _This is way too good_.   _It was going to be way too good_.  He looked handsome in the moonlight and the lamp at my bedside cast a soft, amber glow over his porcelain skin.

My calves slid together unconsciously and I gripped the edge of my old t-shirt, but paused when I realized I was the only one undressing.  "This doesn't seem fair..." I teased.  He nodded and pulled his own shirt off without a sound.  He'd lost weight, trimmed his hair and even his beard.   _Fuck_.  "I've been thinking about having you naked in my bed since I turned you down all those months ago."

"For a second time," he quickly added.

Blushing, my eyes fell to the floor and I stifled a laugh.  "Yes, you're right."  He closed the span between us and captured my lips intensely, moving his hands up my shirt to slip it off.  Our tongues met when my chest was bared to him.  Warmth from his grip flooded my back and I pressed myself willingly into his body.  Wanting, needing to give him everything.  His fingers traced the chain of my necklace that fell between my breasts and he groaned, allowing his mouth to follow.  I tangled my hands into his hair when he lifted me onto my dresser.  I missed his hair.  And his face.  And his body. And his...  God, everything about him.   _Damn him, all over again_.

"I've missed this, Tess," he whispered.

"Shhh."  I fought hard not to roll my eyes.  There was no need for him to say that.  Or anything like that, for that matter.  I didn't need anymore signals, mixed or not.   Like I'd told him before, I got it.  Supposedly understood his mind-set, that was.  And as much as it pained me to deny the feelings I was developing for him, I had to do it in order to keep myself sane around him.  At least that's what I thought.  The next thing I knew, I was naked and sprawled over my comforter.

"Jesus, baby."  I heard the familiar clang of his belt and the rustle of clothes before the bed dipped between my thighs.  "Tell me, sweetheart, how many times..." he began then his lips touched the tender skin at the inside of my knee.  My brow furrowed.  "Did you..."

"I told you teasing isn't nice," I groaned.  My back arched when he climbed closer to the crest of my thighs.  Then, too soon, he worked his way back down my other leg.

"How many times, baby...  Did you touch yourself when I was gone?" he asked.  I froze and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears.

I suddenly felt my whole body blazing with fire and I gasped.  "W-what?"  _Goodness, he is sexy._

"Answer the question," he said as he nipped at my skin.

I gasped again at the tiny twinge of pain.   _Oh, but it feels good_.  "I didn't," I confessed.  And that was the truth.  I sucked in another breath and waited for him to laugh at me.

Instead, he smiled against my soft skin.  "You're telling me you haven't come?  Not even once?"  I'd had a couple that accompanied dreams but I'd never gone  _there_.  By myself.  His gentle palms slid up my smooth stomach, just barely touching my breasts before he switched his to feather-light caresses down to my waist.  I squirmed and slid my legs against his face in response.

I shook my head.  "I... I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I...  It wouldn't have been the same.  Not without you."   _Not.  Even.  Close_.

"Fuck.  Tess," he hissed, drawing out my name.  "Just when I think you couldn't get any sexier..." His mouth covered me at my utmost secret place just after his last words and I cried out immediately.  It was almost too much for me to bear since it had been so, so long but I didn't dare stop him.  I needed it.  I needed him to do that for me.  It wasn't long before I was unraveling beneath his delicate, sensuous touch.  I shuddered as the last wave rolled over me and suddenly, all felt right in the world.

"You're going to be the death of me," I panted breathlessly.  He chuckled and kissed his way up my stomach.  I tensed again when I felt how ready he was along my leg.

"It's not gonna take long for me either, baby.  Especially after that.  It's...  You are so  _goddamn_  sexy," he whispered, capturing one of my nipples between his teeth.

I instantly wrung my fingers in his hair and curved my body closer to him.  "We have all night.  Please.  I need to feel you."  I didn't care that I was begging him.  I was desperate.

"You have the sweetest thoughts, Tess, baby."  He gently primed himself and his shoulders sagged once he made his way within me.  It was a guttural moan but he made the most perfect sense.  His movements were slow.  Lazy.  Teasing.   _Dammit_.  Withdrawing every inch of himself, he sweetly resuming his position deep inside.  It had been way too long and I was determined to make the most of the short time we had together.

But, he was right.  It didn't take him long at all and I didn't care.  I'd take him any way I could get him.  I was  _that_  addicted.  It relieved every bit of tension, good tension, that was between us and I felt myself floating away.  And it was probably better that it was quick anyhow since my body wasn't yet used to him again.  He had a way of stretching and hitting that deep-seated spot and it was  _so_  delightful.  Whatever I felt afterward was a constant reminder that he had been there.  That I was his again.  And hopefully there hadn't been anyone else in his bed since me.  I wouldn't dare ask and honestly, it was the last thing on my mind.

We were tangled in the sheets over the next few hours and lost with one another a little while longer.  He was sound asleep after round three when I decided to sneak downstairs and heat up some food that we were going to need, if we were to continue.  And I was hoping we would.  I threw on my underwear and t-shirt before dashing to the kitchen.

Liv was at the island, sitting in front of the laptop when she looked up at me.  I stopped and prayed she hadn't heard anything.  "Did you see this?" she asked.

 _Whew_.  I shook my head.  "No.  What?"

She spun the computer around as I walked closer.  "Guess who wants to be your friend."

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Who?  And am I really going to care?  I hardly go on as it is," I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.  

Her eyes slid over my lack of clothes and cocked a brow.  "Busy?"

I laughed and flicked her shoulder.  "You weren't supposed to be home tonight, remember?  Now,  _who_  wants to be my friend?"

"Camille."

The high I was on suddenly dwindled and my stomach sank as I stepped closer.  "Why?"

"My first inclination is that she wants to keep tabs on you, boo.  Why else?"

"Why does she wanna keep tabs?  Q and I aren't anything..." I trailed off and leaned closer to look at her profile.  There was no doubt she was drop dead gorgeous, above everything else.  I didn't blame Q for being friends with her.  But I guess with that and all she must have been given in life, it stuck her with a snotty, I'm-too-good-for-you attitude.

"She's threatened, Tess.  Clearly.  Why would she have made those comments to you in New York?" she asked.

I chewed on my bottom lip and stewed over the previous events in my life.  "Because she's a bitch?  I don't know."

"She's a bitch, there's no doubt about that.  You should watch out for broads like her, T," she continued.  

I nodded, though I shrugged it off since I would soon no longer be Camille's problem.  I stepped to the refrigerator and grabbed some leftovers to heat up.  "It won't matter after tonight."

"Huh?"

I grabbed the plate when the microwave beeped and busied myself with finding utensils and a couple napkins.  "I already told you Liv, him and I aren't going anywhere.  This is it.  I can't do this charade much longer."

"Blah, blah.  You say that every time you see him-"  Then she gasped, "you're in some of these pictures."

My brow creased as I whipped up beside her to look at the screen.  "What?"  Taking a moment to scan over them, my teeth gritted but I swallowed back any sort of reaction that would have happened, had it been any other man.  "That was that night I told you about in New York.  Where she showed up out of no where.  When the hell...  I didn't even know this was happening."  Liv flipped through the album and at the last picture, with Cam's arms wrapped around Q, I shuddered in mild disgust and went back to what I was doing.

"Stop being so nice, Tess.  I know all about females.  Especially females, like,  _her_ ," she said, making sure to drive home the fact that Camille had some sort of issue.

"I said I don't care."

"You will when she sees you in New York again."

"I'm not going to New York again."

"Wanna bet on it?"

"Shut up."

"Where is Q, anyhow?"

"Sleeping."

"That's my girl.  Wear that boy out," she snickered.

I rolled my eyes.  "Are you done using that?"

"Why?"

"Because I was going to do some research-"

"You are not studying while he is in your bed, Tess Hudson."

"I told you he's sleeping."

"So?  Wake.  Him.  Up!"

Glaring at her with a bit of amusement, I snatched the laptop out from in front of her and carried it upstairs with the plate of food.  He was the same way I'd left him, sprawled out on his stomach with his arms underneath the pillows and naked beneath my sheets.  So, I grinned, set the plate down and flipped on the television.  Then I slipped into my bathroom to wind my hair up on my head and found my glasses on the counter before bringing the computer back to life.  Over the next hour, I had to keep glancing to my side to make sure that he was really there, and I wasn't having some sort of dream.  And each time, he laid completely still except for his hair that fluttered with the movement of my ceiling fan.

Studying had definitely been taken out of the question since my mind had been reeling with the pictures on Camille's page.  Why hadn't I noticed?  Not that it was a big deal, but maybe I'd grown a little jealous of her.  She'd managed to lay her paws on Q, completely unbeknownst to me.  And why?  He, nor Sal seemed too thrilled with her presence that night.  There was something I didn't know.   _Shut up, Tess.  It's not any of your concern.  It's over, remember?_   I closed my eyes, trying to figure out somehow, some way to make myself stop thinking about it.  If I was so convinced that we were done after that evening, why I was worrying myself had me perturbed.

"Hey," his husky voice murmured.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and put my hand to my chest.  "Jesus, you scared me."

"Sorry," he murmured again, nuzzling his head into my lap.  My hands found his hair and I smoothed it from his eyes.  "How long was I out?"

"'Bout an hour or so."

"I didn't mean to fall asleep."

I smiled, stealthily clicking out of the webpage I was on before turning my complete attention to him.  "You needed it, obviously.  I threw some stuff in the microwave if you're hungry."

"Mmm, that's what smells so good," he said in a sleepy daze.  I reached over him to grab the plate from the nightstand and he sat up, not before nipping at my jaw.  He took it and chowed down, offering me a few bites before it was gone.

"You want more?"

He shook his head while I took the dish to get it out of the way.  "What are ya doin' on there?" he asked.

I laughed a little because I hadn't been doing anything purposeful.  "I was trying to study, but it's hard to concentrate with you beside me."

"Studying for what?  And when did you get glasses?"  He laid back down, keeping his eyes on me.

"Detective's test.  And I've always had glasses, but I only need them for reading," I said as I fought not to blush.

"Hmm."

"What?"

He laughed, "nothing.  You look good, Tess.  You always look good."

"Oh, please," I groaned as I shut the computer.

"What?"

"Nothin'."  I could tell from his cheeky smile that he was in a playful mood now that he'd gotten some rest.  And sex.  Three times.  After setting my laptop aside, I focused my attention to the television instead.

"You're going to be a detective?"

"One day.  Hopefully," I said softly, looking over at him.

"Is it something you've always wanted to do?" he asked.  I stared at his face for a moment, deciding my answer.   _If_ I would answer.  I knew we'd grown closer since my visit to Staten Island, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to like him any more than I already did.  I mean, I wanted to, and I did, but I wasn't so sure I could deal with it.

"Yeah."  It was short and sweet- and I was sure he didn't want any of the boring details.  I smiled at him, once again turning to the TV.

"How come?"  After his question, and to my surprise, he grabbed the remote to pause the show.  Then, carefully, he reached for my glasses and took them off before pulling me down onto the pillow beside him.

"Um," I began, completely caught off guard with his actions.  But his sincere, interested expression told me I had to go on.  "My dad was a detective.  Ever since he introduced me to that field of work, I just...  Haven't been able to let it go."

"You're going to school for it?"

I rolled onto my back to look up at the fan, and to avoid him drawing me in any further.  "I graduated years ago.  But I didn't want to step on any toes or make it seem as if I was entitled to something just because my father was a detective here for over thirty years.  I wanted to earn my keep, just as he did."

"Admirable.  Tell me more," he went on.  His eyes were still on me, I could feel them piercing my skin, or rather under, because that's where he was headed.  Farther below the surface than I ever imagined him getting.

"Like what?"

"You said you were an only child and you don't have any pets.  There's definitely more to your story, sweetheart."

Sitting up, I shifted uncomfortably.  He must have sensed it because he too sat up to run his knuckles down the inside of my arm.  "You don't have to do this, Q..." I said quietly.

His lips brushed over the skin of my shoulder when he tugged the fabric from it, sending shivers down my spine.  "I don't have to do what?"

"This.  The questions.  The talking," I started as I closed my eyes and leaned into his caress, "you don't have to try so hard.  You're already in my bed."  Then, it was his mood that shifted.  He kisses stopped and all I could hear was his slow breathing.

It remained that way, silent, for the longest time and I didn't know who'd be the first to break it.  I didn't know if I wanted to, because I wanted to leave the ball in his court.  He'd already told me how it was and that was fine.  I was just going to enjoy him while I had him.

He gently cupped my chin and brought my eyes to his and that was when he gave me a smile, then a slow kiss to my lips.  "What was the first job you had?"

I laughed against his mouth and put my hand to his bare chest as I pulled away, somewhat relieved.  "Horses."

"No shit?"

"I worked at a boarding facility until I was eighteen, old enough to get a job at the police station.  I still love them, even got a couple back home that live at my dad's," I told him.

"You said you didn't have any pets.  Liar," he teased.   _Damn him_.

"Well, not in this house.  I wasn't thinking about them when you asked," I replied, rightfully bashful.

"Horses are magnificent.  That's incredible, Tess."

I looked to him to see if he was serious, and it seemed he was.  "They really are great.  And my two...  Such characters."  I smiled a bit wider at the thought of them and made a mental note that I needed to visit more often than the holidays.

"What was it like, growing up where you did?"

He was entering dangerous territory the more he questioned me.  My brain wanted to shout at him to stop, but the way he looked, the way he was acting toward me...  My body was telling me to climb on top of him and just...  Yes.  Everything that accompanies that small move.

But I decided to elaborate anyhow.  "Quiet."

"Just quiet?"

I shrugged.  "It's not as different as you might think.  I mean, aside from scenery, I probably did all the same things y'all did up north."

"I doubt that, Tess."

"How come?  What was it like in New York?"

"Busy.  Go, go, go, all the time.  I'm glad I've got the guys because I can hardly remember anyone else, and it's still like that to this day.  Pure chaos.  That's why I like comin' down here.  The south, it's so much...  Easier.  You can actually slow down and get the opportunity to enjoy things.  You know?"

"Sure."  I agreed with him to the best of my ability.  I didn't know much about New York other than what I saw on TV, and the short span of time I'd visited weeks ago.  All I knew was Louisiana.  And again, I wanted to know him, but our worlds were so entirely different and that was being made more apparent the more time we spent together.  Even if he hadn't been famous, living thousands of miles apart was enough to tell me that what we had would be anything but serious.  

Not that I was necessarily looking for anything serious- with him or anybody else, it would just be too tough.  Maybe I still had a bit of growing up to do.  Or maybe he was fucking with my mind.  Unintentionally.  No, he had no idea.   _That's right.  You're fucking your own mind up by hanging onto every shred of whatever this man gives you_.  

"Tess?"

Blatantly off in my own little world, he brought me to the present.  "Yeah?"

"Lie back."  It was a gentle command, one that I obliged because I desperately needed to get my mind onto something else.  Sex was the one thing we could do without any sort of complication.  One that my mind wouldn't subdue and obliterate.  We understood each other that way, what each of our needs were and it had always remained simple.  It was my fault I'd gotten feelings, it was my fault I was doing all of that to myself.  I could no longer blame him.  He'd told me outright his intentions and it was left up to me how to interpret them.  That night, that precise time I let him have me once more, I was determined it was going to be the last.

I woke the next morning feeling hungover, though I hadn't had a single drop of alcohol the night before.  I glanced back at him, still sound asleep on my side of the bed before I went downstairs to find caffeine and pain relief.  To my surprise, Liv was already at the island again. 

"Mama, you look like hell.  You feelin' okay?" she inquired.  The concern in her voice made me want to vomit.

"I'm fine."  My back was to her as I poured my cup of coffee and that was when I felt the very first inkling of tears threaten.   _When did you turn into such a pansy?_   I inhaled a deep breath to tuck them back into their rightful place and spun to face her.

"You don't sound fine," she blurted.

Sighing hard, I took a sip of my coffee and walked around to where she was to wrap my arms over her shoulders.  "Why can't I be more like you?"

My comment elicited a full belly laugh from her, so I stood back and waited for her all-knowing explanation.  "Tess, honey.  What has gotten into you?  What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."   _Lie._   "Can you just tell me what to do without me having to explain what's going on in here?"  I tapped my temple and flopped into a stool beside her.  "It was so good when he got here, then it just got weird.  I don't know.  What he told me is gnawing at me, so I'm always constantly aware of it, but now I just don't like the feeling."

She observed me for a few moments before bringing the mug to her mouth.  "You're falling for him, T."

My eyes went wide and without even thinking, I shook my head uncontrollably.  "What?  No.  Absolutely not.  He's just fucking with my head, that's all.  I need you to set me straight and tell me that when he leaves, I'll be okay.  I'll be able to move on."

"What did he do to you last night?  Jesus, I've never seen you worked up like this over a dude."

Taking her words into consideration, I wised up.  I was acting like  _that_  girl.  A girl, for crying out loud.  I didn't do that.  "What the fuck is wrong with me?" I asked.  I didn't wait for an answer, it was more of a question to myself.  I didn't know what had happened to me in the last twelve hours.  I pulled the screen door open and headed outside, hoping maybe, just maybe the morning sun would sear the deliriousness out of my bones.

Liv followed a few minutes later, sliding the bottle of ibuprofen onto the table.  "Nothing's wrong with you.  Are you kidding?  You're a human being, Tess.  A beautiful one, at that.  That happens to be falling for a certain man that she  _thinks_  she can't have.  I think you've handled everything perfect.  You haven't done anything wrong.  He's still here, isn't he?  And he keeps coming back."

As I opened my mouth to reply, the shutting of the screen door made me jump and my eyes shot to the sexiest, half asleep man I would ever lay eyes on.  He'd put his jeans and t-shirt back on, but his belt was missing and his feet were bare.  He squinted at the sun, then rubbed his eyes as he descended the stairs toward us.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and shun the sleepless night I had to the depths of my memory, but I couldn't.  Liv was there, not that would be an issue, but I didn't want to suddenly become clingy and irritating.  When his toes hit the dewy grass, he smiled at the both of us.  "Good morning," he said huskily, stopping to clear his throat.

"Mornin', stud," Liv teased and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Coffee?" I asked him, though we still stood ten feet apart.  He nodded, so I took it upon myself to head back to the house to get him a fresh cup.  I was stopped when I tried to pass and he wrapped his arms around me, pressing me firmly to his chest.

"I thought we'd have another go this morning, Tess, baby," he whispered into my hair and just like that, he had my body tingling.

I pulled away enough to look up at him, "breakfast first."  He nodded and followed me inside.  See, that I could do.  I could attempt to flirt with him, I could get naked with him.  And I had to keep that in mind the few hours we had left or I'd be a mad woman before Christmas even hit.  If not, New Years would be a joke and I'd be the drunkest person at whatever party I was bound to end up at.   _Side note:_   _You should probably stay home this year._

An hour later, we were both showered, yet still hadn't managed to put any clothes on.  He was on his knees at the foot of my bed, with both of my thighs draped over his shoulders and my hands tangled in his hair.  How I let it happen again was beyond me.  I couldn't say no to him.  He'd already done it once to me in the shower and there he was once more, unable to keep his mouth to himself.

His name came from my lips in short gasps, and each time it did, my hold on him tightened.  He worked relentlessly on the task at hand- to make me utterly weak and defenseless against him, which was working profoundly.  The water that had washed away the salt from my skin was also proving pointless, since he already had me hot in the mere seconds it took us to walk back into my bedroom.

"You make me an insane man, Tess Hudson," he groaned after pulling away from me.  I whimpered in utter frustration at the absence of that feeling and looked to him, hoping he'd grace me with release.  I could tell my hair was already a frizzy, wacky mess and normally, I would have been concerned with it but now he was my utmost interest.

"I would do no such thing, Brian Quinn," I told him in a heated breath.  I'd been underneath him the last three excursions, so it was my turn.  I sat up on my knees to kiss him, then, with all my might I pulled him onto the bed where I could straddle his delicious hips.  His chest was covered in just the right amount of dark hair and the trail it made below his belly button, well, I was done for.  He was beautiful.  And he would be mine.  One last time.

He wrapped his arms around me the moment I sank onto him, where I cried out at the magnificent pleasure and pain combination that he was always able to bestow.  My head fell back as I moved to get us to the pinnacle of our goal, and that's when he halted my waist and caught my eyes.

"Slow down, Tess," he begged, pushing my hair from my face.  He stared into me, gradually moving me toward a lazy rhythm, one that elicited goosebumps over every inch of my skin.  I tore my gaze from his before it swallowed me whole and hugged him close.  I thought that if I didn't look at him, it would be that much easier to let him go.

But that didn't stop me from panting each time I lowered my body onto his.  And with each passing moment, I climbed higher and higher and hopefully provided him with that same feeling.  It must have, since he allowed me free reign once more as his fingers dug into my hips and he hissed through gritted teeth.  That alone rocked me over the edge and my orgasm spiraled my very existence out of control.

He came crashing in right along with mine because I felt every shudder between my legs, followed with the buzzing afterglow that I'd never once gotten used to.  I thought it might have had something to do with the time limit we had that made it that much more gratifying.  I lived in the moment with him, I tried not to think about the future without him.  It was only going to make me sad.

He fell back onto the bed where he held me to his chest until our breathing returned to normal.  I was a sodden mess of perspiration and felt I needed to shower all over again.  Of course, I wasn't going to, not so soon.  My skin was covered in his scent and I wasn't ready to be rid of that yet.  I would tend to it later, once he was gone.

"You never told me what this means," he said softly, his finger tips tracing over the ink at my rib cage.  

I closed my eyes and covered his hand with mine with a shake of my head.  "No more questions, Brian."  Raising from the bed to towel off, I handed him one as well before slipping into another pair of cotton shorts and a loose tank.  He watched me, but I couldn't be affected by it.  I had a feeling what I'd just said might have made him angry, but I had to begin the slow process of cutting the ties between us.   _It's for the better, and you know that_.  I went into the bathroom to quick pull my hair back and came out after moisturizing my face.

He sat on my bed in a pair of black shorts and one of his graphic t-shirts, looking almost distraught.  I needed to leave that alone though my heart wanted to make it better.

"I'll go start the truck so it's nice and cool," I told him, giving him a quick, feigned reassuring smile.

"I have a car coming, sweetheart," he replied.  

Disappointment overwhelmed my mind but I nodded anyway.  "Oh, okay."

"You said you were going to your dad's tomorrow, so you've got a long drive ahead.  I don't want to trouble you, Tess," he added as he raised from his seat to grab his bag.

I waved him off and smiled again, "no worries.  That was thoughtful of you."   _Lies_.  Then I heard honking from the front.  I didn't know when he'd called someone, but it was too late to care about that.  We walked down the stairs and he said a quick goodbye to Liv before I followed him onto the porch.  Crossing my arms over my chest, I tried to smile again, to keep my emotions in check.

"Thank you for having me, Tess."  He set the bag down, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me.  It felt different, the kiss that was.  He kept it slow and soft, exhaling against my lips.  Then he kissed me again.  I was lifted onto the rail behind me where he intertwined our fingers at his sides and squeezed.  Another moment I wanted to shout and pound at his chest and tell him to leave.  Leave me be because I was falling way too hard.

"Any time, Q."  That's when I did pull away and focused my stare over his shoulder.  "I hope you have a great holiday."  I caught his nod out of the corner of my eye and didn't expect anything more.  Why he'd avoided my offer to take him to the airport, I didn't have the slightest clue.  I guess I could have just chalked it up to him wanting to run as fast as he could as far as he could away from the situation.  Things had gotten awkward, but that was thanks to me.  It was just our time.  Time to hang up the hats and be on our way.  He'd sure be one of those chapters in my life that I would revisit as often as I could and I had an inkling I'd be doing more of it subconsciously than intended.   _Such is life, my dear_.

"You too, sweetheart.  I...  I'll text you when I land."  He pressed his mouth to mine once more before he stepped off my porch and got into the awaiting car.  I smiled and waved, turning quickly because I knew once I thought about his text never arriving, I was sure to crack.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my sincerest apologies for those who have been patiently waiting. sometimes life just gets in the way, but please know that i am spending every second i can on getting this together for y'all and i want it to be as perfect as i can make it before putting it out there. i appreciate all of your comments and kudos- and every one of them inspire me to work harder. thank you!

Two months, a promotion and countless late night therapy sessions with Liv later, I was beginning to feel like me again.  Like the person I was before I met Q.  Before my life was turned upside down by the most reluctant, wonderful man I'd ever known.  I finally achieved the detective's position I had striven for all those years I spent studying my ass off.  But no one warned me that I'd immediately be shunned by the other detectives in my new department.  I guess being a Hudson in New Orleans wasn't the picture perfect life I'd imagined.  My boss loved me, but that was just because he'd been lifelong friends with my father.

My colleagues though, they thought otherwise- like I'd been given the job just because of his legacy within the station, which was hardly the truth.  Liv continued to tell me it was just because they were threatened by me, but I didn't want to go and start thinking that way.  So, day in and day out, I did the grunt work with a damn happy smile on my face.  I think that was what got to them the most.

They could piss and moan all they wanted but they weren't going to get me down.  I knew I'd show them.  I was cut from the cloth to do that job.  Some day, they'd see and one of those days I might earn their respect but in all honesty, I didn't give a hoot.  I was hired on to do the work I was expected.   And I did.  Without complaint.   Mostly because it kept my mind busy and I hardly thought about Q.  The nights on the other hand, well, unconsciously and completely against my will, he filled my dreams.  I kept that a secret from Liv because she was happy with my progress, my new attitude and I didn't want to disappoint her by being some pitiful shell of woman who was still hanging onto the hopeless notion that I'd see him again.  That he might one day find a reason to text me.  Or call me.  I was lying to myself though.  He'd gotten his fill and he'd moved on.  Just as he said he would.

Alas, I was ending another work day in the heat of Mardis Gras and I was elated that I wasn't forced to roam the disgusting streets of downtown any longer.  As I was packing up my things for the night, my ancient cell danced across the wood desk I was able to call my own.  My stomach fell when the all too familiar named scrolled across the display.  And much to my own disappointment, I flipped the screen open.

Q:  I'm in New Orleans.  Tell me you're free.

My hands begun to shake so horridly that I could barely make out his words.  Thank heavens I was the only one left in the office, otherwise it might have been a cause for concern.

_Just finishing up at work, actually.  You need help fending off your die-hard fans again?_

Q:  I guess I deserve that.

Then there was a long pause.  I finished closing up when his next message came in.

Q:  Have dinner with me.

With that, my heart stopped mid-beat and I could hardly breathe.  I should have told him you can't always get what you want, but I found myself becoming weak all over again.  I swallowed, but it proved pointless because my mouth was as dry as cotton and I was going to be singing those damn song lyrics until the sight of his face wiped every coherent thought from my brain.   _If_  I caved.

_I already ate._

Q:  I'm at the Hilton right on the river.  A drink at least?

_That's probably not the best idea._

Q:  I want to see you.

I scoffed at his message and rolled my eyes.  "What about what I want?" I said bitterly aloud.  Then I rethought my sentence because the memory of what he'd told me came rushing back.  He didn't do relationships.  He'd flat out explained himself so there was no way I could be upset with him.  I knew every bit of it going in.

Q:  Please, Tess.

I walked into the locker room to check my appearance- to see if I was even remotely presentable enough to see him.  My mascara was smudged beneath my eyes due to the heat of the day but all else didn't seem half bad.   _You should go.  Show him that you're fine and dandy._    _You don't need him_.  I thought about that, then I thought about calling Liv to get her take on things.  Of course I wanted to see him, but I didn't want it to seem I was right back at his beck and call just because he happened to be within a reasonable radius.

I didn't respond to him and decided against contacting Liv, instead I drove to the location he'd given me.   I parked up front and shut off my headlights where I thoroughly contemplated my next move.  Either I was going to get out to find him or I was going to turn right back around and go home.   _Just get your ass out and let him see that you're happy_.

Inhaling a deep breath, I climbed from the cab and made my way through the lobby to the patio that overlooked the grand Mississippi.  I'd never stayed there myself, but I had always heard wonderful things about the hotel.  For four hundred bucks a night, it'd better be worth every penny.  And it seemed it was.  I scanned the concrete space for any sign of him, stopping when my eyes honed in on dark hair that stuck out from beneath a Yankees baseball cap.  It was shorter than I remembered, but I knew it had to be him.  I quickly gathered my curls off of my damp neck to tie them up and looked to make sure my button down was still tucked in.

When I reached his table, he still faced away from me and I was hoping to catch him off guard.  I hadn't told him I would come and not one more message had been sent from either of us.  Sucking up what dignity I had left, I bravely placed my hand on his shoulder to catch his attention.  "You haven't gone soft on me now, have you?" I asked playfully, referring to his tall, pink concoction.

His response was a startled, stifled laugh, followed with a bit of sheepishness as he stood to face me.  Suddenly, I didn't know what I'd done or why I'd even come.  I had made a horrible mistake because I was right back where I was eight weeks ago.  His beard was nearly gone, not what I was used to at all.   It was a medium scruff instead that needed at least another month of growth to be what it was.  But those eyes, they were identical to the man I recalled.  They were soft.  Intoxicating.  Gentle.  And they peeled away every ounce of that so-called dignity I'd conjured up just seconds before.

"Tess," he breathed, his gaze desperately searching mine.  I smiled the best I could before removing my hand to round the table and take the seat across from him.  He wanted to hug me, as I also wanted to wrap myself around him, but I'd convinced myself that wasn't what that night was about.  It was going to be platonic.  An extra bit of closure for me.  It had to be.  I couldn't go through that angst again, at least that's what I was telling myself.

"How are you, Q?"

Disappointment laced his expression, but he replied anyway.  "I'm glad you came."

I laughed to avoid any awkward feeling and nodded.  "I'm starting to think I'm crazy for showing up, but here I am."

"You're not crazy."

"What do you want, Q?" I asked next as my smile disappeared.

He seemed taken aback with my cold question, but I couldn't let him back into my life.  Not that easily.  While I knew that we wouldn't go far with whatever it was we had, why he was calling me up again had me confused.

"I just wanted to see you.  I wanna know how you've been," he said.  His voice cracked just the slightest and for some reason, it made me feel better.  Like I had the upper hand for the first time, ever.

"I'm...  Great, actually.  I got a promotion, so work's been good," I told him.  The waitress came over and I ordered a whiskey while he sent his fruity drink back.  I laughed again, leaning back in my chair.

"That's fantastic, Tess.  Detective?"

I nodded and he went serious on me.

"Look, I-"

"I don't wanna talk about what happened.  It is what it is," I interjected icily, sitting forward again.  I had to avoid any talk of it, otherwise I would find myself in the same position I was two months ago.  Always wondering, always worrying.  Doubting.  That wasn't normal, no matter how badly I wanted him.   _Go ahead and tell yourself that, Tess_.

"I'm sorry."

"No skin off my back, Q.  What about you?  Everything going well?" I asked, keeping as much emotion from my voice as I could.

He wasn't happy with my avoidance of his intentions, but to keep things kosher, he opened his mouth to speak.  "I bought a house."

"That's fantastic," I said with a little more warmth.  "Are you still in Staten Island?"

"I am."

Then it went quiet.  We stared back at one another and I could definitely tell he still wanted to revisit our last meeting.  I'd tried to play it aloof, like I couldn't be bothered but when the server brought our spirits over, it broke every bit of my focus.  I twirled the straws around, watching the caramel liquid spin in the glass.

"Are you seeing anybody?" he asked.

"No," I replied.  I couldn't look at him at him, otherwise he'd see that I'd caught more feelings for him than I was supposed to.

"Me either."

I should have laughed in his face and stalked off without looking back, but slowly, I raised my eyes to his.  Since I was a glutton and all.  "Is that why you got ahold of me tonight?"

"Tess..."

"It's okay.  I mean, I guess I should have known.  You did tell me-"

"I didn't call you to get you into bed if that's what you're thinking.  I told you I wanted to see you.  Is it that hard to believe?"

Swallowing a healthy swig of whiskey, I licked my lips and nodded.  "Kind of."

It was apparent he appreciated my gesture, not my words, because he wet his own and rested his elbows on the table, leaning in farther.  "Well, I didn't expect that.  Not at all.  Just so you're aware."

"Okay."  I did my best to hide the sweet desire I held for him that all of a sudden pumped through my veins.  My cheeks were ablaze and blood rushed between my thighs because he knew exactly what he was doing and I was gullible enough to fall for it.  Again.   _You might as well stamp it on your damn forehead, Tess_.

"Say something," he requested, reaching for my hands,

"I was stupid to come here," I said abruptly as I pushed back from the table. Breezing across the empty patio, I was almost sure I'd escaped him until I felt his hand firmly around my arm.

"Tess, wait."

"I can't do this again, Q.  I've spent the too much time telling myself that and just because you showed up here again doesn't mean you're gonna get another piece of me because it's convenient.  I understand and fully respect your way of living, but it's not for me," I said in a huff.  I found myself against the stucco wall, hidden in darkness between two tall hedges and out of breath for no reason at all.

"I  _just_  got done telling you that's not why I called you, Tess.  What do I have to do to make you understand that?" he asked, all the while becoming agitated with the situation I'd created.

"I don't know," I confessed, avoiding his heady stare again.

"Then why did you come here?"

My eyes shot to his because I didn't have one intelligible answer for him.  Not one.   _Because you thought it would help you get over him?  Nonsense_.   _Because you wanted to tell him to get lost?  Blasphemous_.   _You're out of your mind_.  But I couldn't very well tell him that.  I would be an insane person to do that.  Rather, it would make me sound insane.  When you want to move on, you don't go running to said person at the first opportunity.   _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.  I'd made a horrible mistake and I was going to have one hell of a time salvaging whatever pride I was to have left.

It was something I never wanted to admit, but I had no other logical explanation- I'd really come there hoping that we would pick right back up where we left off.  The battle I had raging inside of me was completely irrational.  I was mad to begin with.  Then, I was crazy to want to put myself through that again only to lose him to someone more captivating, more adept to accommodate his lifestyle...  His preferences.  I was no such person, yet there I stood, with absolutely nothing to say for it.

When the silence went on too long for his liking, his hand slid to the side of my neck and shockingly, he pressed his lips fervently against mine.  I all but melted right there in the seclusion of the bushes around us where my body molded perfectly to his strong, inviting frame. My fingers clutched his t-shirt and my chest pressed closer to him as the kiss intensified, shooting reckless, dangerous shivers up my spine.

Then, it was gone just as rapidly as it had come on.  I stumbled forward a step as he ripped himself away, leaving me breathless and effectively speechless.  And he disappeared, leaving me alone under the patio lights and between the overgrown bushes.  My jaw had fallen open at the escape he'd just made, then I found myself shaking my head as I forced my feet to carry me back into the parking lot where my truck waited.  A slew of emotions rocked through me in the short jaunt but all in all, I was livid with myself when I climbed up into my seat.

"You've got a lotta fuckin' nerve, Brian Quinn," I grumbled with another incredulous shake of my head.  She started right up and I tore off across the blacktop to find remote solace in my own home.

It was eerie when I arrived there thirty minutes later.  Liv was home, but the house was dark.  Quiet. Odd for her at that hour.  I flipped on the light in the stairwell before I ascended them to my bedroom.   That was where I stripped my wrinkled clothes off and climbed into the shower to wash the day away.  Or more so that night.  I might have reacted more harshly than intended, but I was at a loss back there at the hotel.  He always had a way of discombobulating me.  And he'd really thrown me for a loop, especially after that spectacular, heated kiss.  I touched my fingertips to my lips- where his had devastated my entire will to stay away from him.  Then I thought about his hands on my skin, the perfect way they swept over me each time I had been his.  I could almost imagine the feeling of them on me- that was until Liv barged into the foggy bathroom.

"Q text me, saying something about being in town...  Is that where you were?" she asked.

I nearly lost my footing when I heard her squawk at me.  "What?"

"You were with him, weren't you?"

"Maybe."  I shut the water off when I was done, reaching for a fresh towel to wrap myself in.

"Tess..."

"I know, I know," I said, in hopes that me fessing up would keep her off my back.

"Did it help?"

"Did what help?"

"Seeing him."

My chest tightened and I nodded, though my answer was completely fabricated.  "It was fine."

"You're such a liar.  What happened?"

I shot her a glare, but I knew I wouldn't be left alone until I conceded.  "He text me to meet up.   I went.   It was weird and a mistake, so I left."

"That's it?"

"What else did you expect me to do?"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Seriously?" I asked, taking great offense to her question.

"What?  I know you're a smart cookie...  _Sometimes_.  I just had to make sure.  There was no...  Reconciling?  Nothing like that?"

I laughed at her as I dressed in some pajamas and turned around.  "Gee, thanks.  And no, he wanted to talk about stuff I think, but I didn't."

"So what was the point of you going in the first place?" she inquired, crossing her arms over her chest.   When I didn't answer, she picked up her phone.   "He wanted me to tell you about brunch tomorrow.  He wants you to come."

"Absolutely not," I stated firmly with a shake of my head.  I combed through my curls with that decision and that decision the only thing on my mind.

"I'll go with you if you want," she said softly, coming up to lean her hip against my dresser.  Her arms were still folded, but her expression had eased.  She was getting to me and she knew it.

"I said I don't want to go."

"I'm sorry things didn't go well tonight, but I know how torn up you've been about him and...  You  _should_  go.  It's brunch, Tess.  The ultimate friend-zone, for crying out loud.  And if I'm there, you know I'll have your back," she said encouragingly.

"Tonight was a mistake, I told you that."

"But it sounds like you weren't there long enough to accomplish anything, Tess.  You got the tough part out of the way by seeing him tonight so you know what to expect.  You can do it. I...  Think you kinda need to in order to move on.  I hate seeing you all blue like this.  Why not try and fix it?"

"Because I'm not you, Liv.  I thought you knew that by now," I retorted.

"I know you're not.  Just trust me on this, please."

Staring at her for a few moments longer, I caved, noncommittally shrugging my shoulders.  "I hope you're right."

She left it alone, that was until the next morning when she tore my comforter clear off my bed.  "Good morning, sunshine.  It's almost time to go so I suggest you get your pretty ass ready," she chirped happily, dancing around my bedroom.

My dreams had taken me away from the dilemma on my hands and her wake-up call was a rude reminder of what I'd somewhat agreed to the night before.  "How long have you been up?"

"Long enough.  Did you not hear me?  I said get up.  I'm hungry," she replied with a swift slap to my rear end.  That alone jolted me straight out of the comfort of my slumber.  I dragged my feet to the bathroom where I went through my morning routine, then dressed in a pair of holey jeans with a lazy t-shirt that hung off one shoulder.  My curls were a mess since I'd slept with them wet, so haphazardly I pinned one side back and called it good.

I let Liv drive, since my stomach was in knots and I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking to save my life.  I had no clue what was going to unfold in the moments that lie ahead, I could only hope that I remained together.  I didn't want to yell at him and I certainly didn't want Liv giving him a piece of her mind.  Not that I thought she would embarrass me, but she truly had seen me at my worst.  It was awful that I felt that way and let it show- especially knowing damn well what Q and I were had an expiration date.  I told him it was fine, that I was okay with it.  And I would have been, had he not contacted me the night before.  I wasn't anyone special.  Certainly not anybody who was going to press him for more.  I had no right.  He'd been completely clear with me from the beginning.  He wanted me, he'd gotten me and he'd explained his intentions.

"Stop thinking about it, Tess," Liv ordered.

My eyes smiled from behind my sunglasses because somehow, someway, she always knew when my brain was in overdrive.  Maybe it was because I got quiet, maybe it was a stupid look I had on my face...  She just knew.  I felt myself relax a bit when I realized that she wouldn't have talked me into going if she didn't think everything was going to be okay- whichever way it ended up working out.

After parking in the busy lot, Liv hooked her arm through mine, paving the way to however the next chapter of my life was going to go.  The patio was bustling with people excitedly filling their bellies with gourmet cuisine and a single file line was curled around a fancy buffet.  I searched the space for any sign of him, only to have the air rush from my lungs the moment I saw him standing at the host stand, waiting on us.

"Liv..." I uttered, freezing in my tracks.  He was in nothing special, just a pair of khaki shorts and a black graphic tee, but the very sight of him had me disoriented.

"You got this, T.  No big thing," she whispered, then tugged me along again.

The late morning breeze was warm and muggy, tousling what curls I left loose around my face but for some reason, I had goosebumps covering every inch of my body.  He hadn't spotted us yet, thank goodness, so I was able to talk myself down as to not come across a complete fool the moment he did.  I was on edge as it was and almost convinced that I just needed to get it over with, so I found the courage to smile in his direction.  The recollection of the kiss he granted me with gave me a little boost of courage, too.

But what happened next was fuzzy.  Liv gave a quick squeeze to his midsection when we reached him, then his eyes finally landed on me.  I stood with my hands in my pockets just a few feet away, stilling my shoulders in a meager shrug.  I'd planned on keeping my distance- keeping myself far, far away from his touch, but when his hands engulfed my waist and slid to the small of my back, I was all but defenseless against him.  A-fucking-gain.  My torso was flush with his just for a few seconds, but in that short amount of time, I recalled every single reason I'd opened myself up to him to become that carefree person for the first and maybe only time in my life.  He just felt good.  It felt... Right.  Like was meant for him just one more time.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted last night," he murmured as he pulled away much, much too soon.  I chalked it up to him not wanting to make a scene in front of Liv, but also, I didn't know for certain if he was referring to the regret of the kiss we'd shared.  Or the harsh reaction I had from the get-go.  That could have been defined as a teeny, little tiny bit calloused.

I didn't respond anyway, mostly because I hadn't told Liv what happened ten hours earlier and also the fact it might have skewed her plans to get me out of the house.  Never would I openly admit that I wanted to go in the first place, she would have retired me as her best friend and found someone else a hundred times more worthy.  I didn't deserve one shred of the faith she still had in me.

"How are ya, BQ?" Liv asked next.  That brought me back into the present, reminding myself that at least a hundred people were in our vicinity.

 _No time for reminiscing, Tess_.  Liv gave me a curious look as Q led us across the concrete to a table already set with mimosas and a bowl of fruit in the center of the white linen.  Shrugging, I thanked him kindly for pulling my chair out and sat down.  To my surprise, the conversation that was started between the three of us was seamless.  There were no awkward moments and I even found myself participating more than I originally thought I would.  My goosebumps dispersed and I had a warm feeling instead, like my distaste for everything that happened was merely a hallucination.  It wasn't- it felt comfortable again.  It wasn't forced, not that it had ever been, but judging by the awkwardness that had encompassed the way I interpreted things, it was going off without a hitch.  And that right there made me unsure about every single thing all over again.  I'd been giving myself whiplash without even knowing it.

Suddenly- well, mainly because I was off on my own tangent again, Q excused himself to the restroom and Liv's hand grasped my forearm once he was out of ear shot.  "I'll call you a damn liar if you don't see the way he's looking at you."

I laughed, blushed and shook my head all at the same time.  "What are you talking about?"

"That's  _almost_  funny," she muttered, leaning forward for another drink of her morning beverage.  "I saw it first when he hugged you, T.  I know you're trying to play it safe but damn, ma.  He's got it bad."

Before I spit my drink across the table, I swallowed and yanked my sunglasses off to glare at her.  "No, he doesn't.  He's just tying up his loose ends to keep me from talking shit about him on the internet."

My sentence elicited a giggle from her upon Q's return. I nudged her leg under the table, hoping she'd put a lid on it for my sake.  "What's that line all about, Q?" she inquired, craning her neck to get a better look.

"I think it's an omelette station, wanna check it out?" he replied as he looked to me.

Not that I was in any mood to eat, I nodded and stood, waiting for Liv to tag along.  When she didn't and said she'd order something from the menu, my mouth went dry.  Q started ahead of me but my feet wouldn't move an inch until I got a gentle shove from Liv.  Swallowing hard, I followed him to the end of the line.

When people filed in behind us, I began to feel claustrophobic.  I should've been ecstatic to be so close to him, but my mind was telling me other things.  There was no escaping him and the fact that I'd lost control of the situation had me more than anxious.

"You look nice today," he began softly.  Then, his chest bumped into my back and he remained there, sliding his hand onto my arm.

"Thanks," I told him with equal kindness.  My eyes closed to revel in that feeling he never failed to give me when he was around, all the while considering Liv's words from just a few minutes ago.

"Tell me what I can do to fix this, Tess," he added next.

I pushed my sunglasses back onto my nose and crossed my arms to distance myself from his touch.  "There's nothing  _to_  fix, Q.  You haven't done anything.  You're just being you and what kind of person would I be if I faulted you for that?"

"You're obviously bothered by something."

Slowly, I spun on my heels to face him.  "If I'm being completely honest, what's bothering me is that I'm here again.  My understanding of what you wanted was a short term, casual sex thing and maybe it was silly of me to go along with it in the first place, but I did.  I wanted to.  And I was fully aware of every expectation and lack there of, for that matter."

His expression fell, yet he continued to stare straight through me.  "I know you were."

"I guess I'd just like to know why you're doing all of this.  I  _need_  to know, actually, and that might be pushing it, but I'd like it if you could tell me.  I won't be mad," I said, making sure to keep my voice down.  I didn't like airing my dirty laundry to begin with, especially not in public, but it might have been my only chance to get everything out in the open before I changed my mind and walked away.

I assumed his lengthy sigh was because of what I'd just said, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me from our spot in the long line.  He saw the door to the kitchen and pushed through to find a deserted corner next to the walk-in cooler.

"Q, we can't be in here," I gasped with wide eyes that darted around, waiting for someone to surely yell at us.

But he ignored that and backed me against the wall.  "I haven't once stopped kicking myself for leaving the way I did in December.  I don't know why, but you're getting to me.  And the fact that I don't have a clue what you're up to anymore drives me insane.  That's not normal for me, Tess," he declared passionately.  His eyes were dark and eerily serious, and something about that twisted my insides.  I was shocked to hear that because I had no idea I'd had any sort of affect on him.  While I thought I had played out every scenario that could have happened that morning, that right there, what he was telling me had never once crossed my mind.

I didn't have any idea what to say either, and I'd been the one who went asking for it.  His gaze turned heated and almost impatient, so I scrambled to come up with something.  Anything.  "I... I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to do anything like that."  My voice was quiet, shaky even, so I looked away, pushing my sunglasses onto the top of my head.

"You're not at fault for anything.   _I'm_  the dick who screwed over this whole situation and I understand if you completely despise the thought of me, but you have to know that I think about you.  A lot.  And I...  I want you, Tess...  In whatever capacity it is you're comfortable with because I'm not ready to be done yet.  And I'm really hoping you aren't either," he said sincerely, gently moving stray curls over my shoulder.

My lips parted to reply to him but it was interrupted by a hefty Louisianian from down the corridor, startling the both of us.  "Excuse me, what are you doing back here?  Customers aren't allowed in the kitchen."

My cheeks flushed profusely, so I made a mad dash for the door we had come in.  The sun was bright on my face, so I shielded my eyes to see if Liv was still hanging around.  "What are you thinking?" he asked from behind.

Stopping, I chewed on the inside of my cheek to prevent from sounding too eager.  "I need some time, Q."

And that was the last I tried to speak of it that morning.  I felt rather guilty for leaving Liv all by herself so I quickly found our table again and took my seat.  Q followed, but he didn't look too enthused over what had just occurred- or what hadn't occurred.  My answer was still a mystery to him, but part of me wanted to watch him sweat it out.  To keep  _him_  guessing for once.  Maybe it was a bit harsh and possibly down right wrong of me to do, but I was still unsure.  I knew I coveted him like mad, but did I want to go through all of what I already had should he change his mind again?  Not exactly.  Would it be worth it?  Maybe.

When I found myself back at my truck and Liv in the cab already, he grabbed my arm to stop me at the tailgate.  "Before you go..."

I pushed my glasses up one more time to look at him, to  _really_  look at him when he spoke.  "I need to think it over, okay?"

He nodded, but he also stepped closer.  The breath I tried to take caught in my throat when he gave me that look again, focusing in on my lips.  "I was gonna say before you go, I wanna try one more thing," he said firmly.

What happened next was the sweetest, yet most deliberate thing he could have done to fuck with my head even more than he already had.  His smooth palms cupped my warm cheeks and his lips, they brushed against mine with such attentiveness that I knew damn well what my answer was going to be.  He was crazy if he didn't already know it either because my hands balled into fists on his chest, clenching the cotton of his shirt.  And when his grasp moved to the curve of my back, I knew he had won and I'd been conquered again.

My hips were against his and the breeze had picked up enough to wrap my curls around our embrace that hopefully hid us from Liv's prying eyes.  There was a large chance I'd be scrutinized later but I had to remind myself that it was the least of my worries.  He would be mine again and I his, it was only a matter of time- that depended mostly on me.  And when he pulled me tighter to him, everything within me thrummed with such baffling invigoration I forced myself to stop.  He didn't have much time left in New Orleans and I didn't have much will power remaining, it was just the right thing to do.  For the both of us.  I could allow him to invite me up to his room, but everything I'd accomplished would just be for one cheap, much too quick of a thrill.  That wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted to take my time, as I hoped he did too.  He was much too spectacular to rush things.  Even if it was just sex.

"So...  Good," I mumbled, unbeknownst to myself.  I covered my mouth when there was enough space between us because I couldn't believe what I'd just let slip out.  I'd been off in my own realm, thinking delectable things when it had come out.

To my relief, he laughed softly, trapping me against the back of my truck.  "Hardly."

"I-I should get going," I said hurriedly, coming off rather ridiculous.  But that was really the only thing I could think of at that moment.  He nodded, kissing me once more before opening the driver's side to help me in.  His hand slid onto my thigh and he leaned in to capture my lower lip between his teeth, catching me completely off guard.  It was obvious he didn't care that we had an audience and maybe he'd done it on purpose, all I knew was that without a single question I was completely under his spell again.   _Damn him_.

"I hope you two enjoyed breakfast.  I appreciate you coming," he said to the both of us.

I smiled to cover my befuddled state and Liv laughed a little too mischievously for my liking, so I stopped her before anything vulgar or embarrassing came out of her mouth.  "It was wonderful.  Thank you."

Gratefully, she let me start the engine without another word and I took off from the lot.  Glancing back just once, I saw him in my side mirror, standing on the asphalt waving from where I'd left him.  My gut wrenched against every thought I had of him and Liv's stare continued to permeate my falsely hardened exterior as I cruised on the two lane, sweltering hot expressway.

When I'd had enough, I turned to her.  "What?"

She clamped her mouth shut and shook her head.  "Nothing."

"Bull shit."

"Then why are you asking?"

Exhaling sharply, I sped up.  "You're fucking eyeing me like you know something."

"Nothing you don't already," she retorted with a grin.

"Then stop staring at me."

"But you're so cute, Tess.  All flustered and...  Turned on.  God, that's so hot.  I'm envious."

"I am not."

"Are too.  You  _have_  to call him."

"I don't have to do anything."

"But you want to."

"Will you shut up?"

"T, honey, give the guy a chance."

"It's just sex.   _If_  I call him, and that's a pretty big if, that's all it'll ever be.  You know that right?"

"Sure."

But I knew she was just saying that to make me feel better.  She was hoping we'd ride off into the sunset like some cheesy fairy tale and I knew that would never be.  Not ever.   Not in a million years.  There was no way I was going to be that girl strung along for however long  _he_  wanted it.  But if he wanted to continue to use me for his own enjoyment, I was damn sure going to do the same thing until I got my fill.   _So...  What exactly is it that you want from him, Tess?_ The ugly voice reared her head again and I had not one fucking reasonable answer.  I just wanted him.  Or maybe all I ever wanted was for him to want me.

"He wants you, Tess," she blurted as if she'd read my mind.

"I know," I said softly.

"So why deny him?  You want it just as badly- if not more, right?  Call the guy, go see him.  I don't know, but do  _something_ for fuck's sake.  Whatever it is you need to make yourself happy again.  I already told you I'm tired of seeing you so dumpy.  If you wanted to, you could go out and get any guy you want and you know that, Tess.  But you don't.  And he's the reason why."

"Can you please stop being a know-it-all for once?  It's so goddamn annoying," I replied.  She laughed at me, then I laughed right along with her because it was the truth and she was right. I'd known it all along.

But I let things settle back down before making the next move, whatever that was going to be.  He never once contacted me, instead that was left that up to me and with every urge I had to call him, I still had no clue what I was going to say should he pick up.  I was afraid I might have waited too long, yet I wouldn't know that until I dialed his number.  Which happened to be on an insignificant Tuesday evening after I'd had a glass of watered down whiskey.

I walked outside when it began to ring and immediately, I began to tremble.  All of the what if's and unknowns trampled my brain into oblivion, but I forced a deep breath in as I came upon the edge of the river that my house sat in front of.  By the third ring, I flopped into the grass and hung my legs over the seawall and truly contemplated ending the call.

"I didn't think I was going to hear from you again," was what caught my attention the moment I pulled the phone away from my ear.  I put it right back and remained silent.  Mostly because my heart was racing, though I should have been more than prepared to play it cool.  "Tess? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here.  Sorry," I stammered, slapping my hand to my forehead.

"How are you?"

"No small talk," I told him in a hurried semblance of a recovery.  I reminded myself of the plan I'd concocted over the past couple weeks and was convinced I wasn't going to stray from it.  I couldn't.

"Then what am I supposed to talk about?"

"When and where, I think," I said, trying my best to sound suggestive.  I knew it was silly, but I had nothing else to go on.  I just wanted sex, I'd told myself.  I just wanted sex with him.  Until I couldn't take it anymore.  Until I knew I was fully ready to let him go and find someone who might actually be good for me.

"I...  Uh..."

"It's pretty simple, I think."

"Then come to New York."

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea.

While I agreed to Q's request to join him in New York, I knew securing time off at work would take a little preparation.  Not that my boss wouldn't sign off on it, I just had a feeling there would be questions to follow and I wasn't entirely sure I could lie to him about why I was going to Staten Island again.  That would lead to him telling my father and he certainly didn't need to know that his little girl was traveling there to share a bed with a man.  A man who also happened to be a Yankee, one he'd never approve of in the first place.

Rhett Hudson was as southern old-fashioned as they came and there was no getting around it.  Hence why I had never spoken a word of Q to him.  It wouldn't have gone over well, so I was just saving myself the trouble.  He wouldn't be in my life that much longer anyhow.  No need to make a fuss over something temporary and altogether foolish.  My decisions definitely wouldn't have made him proud.

Even with that gnawing at the back of my mind, I flew into Newark and walked through the airport that was nearly deserted at that hour.  It was a later flight than I had wanted, but beggars couldn't be choosy.  Not that I was a beggar- or maybe I was, but I knew I couldn't wait much longer to have him naked and mine for the taking.  Over the weeks that had passed, I thought I'd pulled together a decent plan of action, since I already made it clear that I didn't want the small talk, nor any sweet talk, just the physical and not a thing more.  I figured that was how he'd kept things with his other trysts or whatever he called them, so we would be no different.  Ours just happened to go on a bit longer than I thought it would.

I cursed under my breath the instant I saw him and slowed my gait tremendously.  He stood against the dark, floor to ceiling window overlooking the tarmac with his hands stuffed in his pockets.  I smiled, then it immediately fell away because I really despised how he could make something so casual so incredibly appealing.  Add a baseball cap to the ensemble and I was puddy in his hands.  _Damn him_.

"Hey you," I said quietly, nudging his arm with my elbow once I was close enough.

He spun immediately, his lips curving into a delicious smile.  "You made it."

I gave him a meager shrug and tucked my wild curls behind one ear.  "Yep.  Here I am."  Wrapping me in a warm hug, my bag fell from my shoulder and landed on the ground with a thud.  With that, I felt awkward all over again.  Like my intentions were being foiled already and I was back to being that timid, unsure person and I hadn't even been in New York ten minutes.

"How was the flight?" he asked.  He pulled away to lay his palm against the side of my face where I met his soft, chestnut eyes and felt myself crumbling a little bit more.  I went there with the notion that I could be like Liv, but the moment I saw him, I knew that was the biggest lie I'd ever tried to tell myself.

"It was okay," I told him, attempting to avert my bashful gaze.  But he held it, and I obeyed him, giving into that sweet desire I'd always had for the attention he always paid me.  His gentle mouth claimed mine in the next moment and I was thrown off-track even more.  I didn't know which was was right or wrong anymore, so in those couple days we were to spend together, I was going to have one hell of a time reminding myself that it was nothing more than an informal affair.  It was just going to be two and a half days of using one another for pleasure.  Then I would go on living my life, knowing that I was being allotted just the right amount of time with him.  Which was more than the others, from what it sounded like.   _Then you should be happy_.  Which I was, but it didn't feel real.  It never did.  It always felt like I was in some sort of dream with him.  One of those fantastic fantasies where everything went in your favor.  Where the 'it' guy finally wanted you.  But I'd get the rude awakening that was the inevitable soon enough.

"I will never get used to your lips, Tess," he murmured as he pressed his forehead to mine.  I smiled again and put some distance between us, bending to grab my bag which he promptly took into his care.

_There's a lot more of you that I'll never get used to, Brian Quinn_ , I told myself.  Then I followed him outside to stand beneath the warm, full moon's light.  After tossing my luggage into the back, he opened my door and allowed me to climb inside.  As I watched him round the Jeep, I chewed on the inside of my cheek because I didn't know what I was going to do.  No longer did I have any idea how to be that cold, indifferent person I planned on portraying that weekend.

"You hungry?" he asked after he hopped in.

"No," I replied with a shake of my head.  I couldn't very well say I wanted him to just take me to his bed and do things with him that didn't involve any conversation, I was sure to turn as red as a ripe tomato.  Of course, we'd been there many times before, but to outwardly speak the words, that wasn't something I could muster.

"What about a drink?"

"Sure."

I caught his smile out of the corner of my eye and he slid his hand onto my knee.  I pointed myself toward him, trying to shoo away the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach at the same time.  We were at some hole in the wall bar fifteen minutes later where he escorted me inside to a booth in the back.  Thankfully, it was dark and the music played amicably through the sound system, enough to mask my anxiousness.

"So..." he began, hopefully raising his eyebrows at me.

"So," I countered.  I gave him the same look and folded my hands together on the table.

"How's work?"

"It's...  Work."  I decided to keep my answers short, plus I didn't want to bore him with the mundane details of my life.  I was there for one reason, and one reason only and I wasn't going to let myself get any more involved.  I respected him.  He didn't play games, he was a man of his word.  And I wanted him like crazy.

"Is something the matter?" he asked next.

My eyes shot to his with a befuddled, deer-in-the-headlights expression.  "What?  No," I laughed uneasily.

"Yes.  There is," he said, seriousness lacing his words.  "You're acting different, Tess."

I shrugged and brought the glass of whiskey he ordered to my lips.  I felt about two inches big because I hadn't expected him to notice.   _You said it yourself, you're not good at being nonchalant.  You don't have it in you_.

"I'm fine," I fibbed.

He studied me for a moment longer before he shook his head and clasped his own glass on the table.  Heaviness weighed on my chest when he looked away from me, seemingly disappointed.  Maybe it wasn't the best idea to play it aloof.  It was obviously rubbing him the wrong way and it made me feel like an asshole.  But I didn't know what else to do.

"I'm just...  I..." I sputtered, feeling the heat spread across my cheeks.

"You can tell me whatever it is, Tess.  I'd like it if we could be honest with each other," he told me.  Then he reached for my hand to get my full attention.

"It can't go past this weekend, Q," I blurted after a deep, settling breath.  Something in the look he gave told me what I'd said didn't make him happy one bit, but I was feeling rather satisfied with the ability to retrieve my backbone.  If he liked me as much as he said he did, then he would respect me too.

"Tess..."

When I heard him, it was hard for me to convince him with the inadequate smile I feigned.  It was the right thing to do, I just didn't anticipate it to feel so wretched about it.  Maybe that alone was telling me I should have waited for the day I left.  Then we could have enjoyed ourselves without the pretenses I'd just laid out.

"Lets just...  Make the most of it, okay?" I offered, biting my lip.

"Yep," he said with a curt nod.  I swallowed what was left in the cup in front of me when he raised from the table and he threw money down before holding his hand out to me.  Taking it, I was relieved to know he wasn't  _that_  put off by my request.  His grip was warm and it almost felt foreign- to have someone else's skin beneath my touch again.  But it felt good.

The ride back to his place was a blur.  His new place.  When he turned down the quiet street, the butterflies that had inhabited my stomach made way for a twisted mess of knots instead.  The street lights lit up the cars already home for the night and he swung into an empty driveway that sat beside a quaint, dark house.  No more doormen, no more elevators, just him and his home.  A quick few steps across the concrete slab and we would be inside, hidden from the world.  Left alone to our own devices- that happened to be one another.

I stepped in once he unlocked the door and found myself in a mud room of sorts, so I kicked my boots off, setting them neatly beside his.  That was when his arms surrounded my hips and he pressed himself against my back.  A shuddered breath escaped as my thighs began to tremble and my heart pounded deafeningly in my ears, signaling to me that what I'd been imagining over the past three months was finally going to happen again.  I needed it.  I needed him to let me be reckless again.

And he did.  He turned me around, placed both of my hands above my head and laid his body flush with mine up against the wall.  I gasped softly as he tilted my chin to let his lips ravage the soft skin of my neck.  He'd made me physically defenseless, yet empowerment flooded my veins because he was mine.

The next I knew, he'd lifted me off the floor and naturally, my legs wound around his waist as he carried us toward wherever we were to end up.  I laughed when he tossed me onto his bed, but that was quickly silenced when his eyes remained dark.  Mysterious.  He lifted my t-shirt away and I bit my lip as the necklace I wore bounced back into place between my breasts.

"You are fucking beautiful," he groaned, tossing his hat aside.  I smiled sheepishly, placed my feet on the floor and leaned forward to undo his belt.  He was already straining against the denim, so I took great care to rid him of his jeans.  Then, slowly I pushed his shirt up, lightly raking my nails back down his bare chest when it was gone.

"Well, you're fucking sexy," I breathed, scooting back on the bed when I was satisfied with our progress.  I still wore my own jeans, but I had a feeling they wouldn't reside on me much longer.  His gaze feasted on my half naked form and he did just what I thought he was going to do.  Nimble, warm fingers brushed my lower stomach and unfastened my pants, gently yanking them from my legs.  Then his hands traced the length of my smooth thighs, parting them in order to settle himself on the mattress.  A thin layer of lace still separated us, but I could feel his heated breath almost the same as if there were no barrier at all.  Again, it felt unfamiliar to me, but it was just as exhilarating as I remembered- if not more enticing than I was ever able to fathom.  I was in for a delectable treat.  The guiltiest of all pleasures I knew of.  Comfort food that was my own taste of Brian Quinn for an entire weekend.  Maybe it felt that way because I was determined to make it our last, I didn't know for sure, but like I had mentioned to him before, I wanted to make the most of whatever was left.  His teeth grazed my most delicate spot and that alone sent me into a frenzy of emotions and fiery sensations that had me writhing beneath him within seconds.

"Tess, baby," he drew out longingly, taking a moment for himself to wet his lips.

"Q, please," I moaned.  But his mouth didn't return and my brow furrowed with confusion- or rather frustration.

"I told you to call me Brian," he said.

"Okay.  Brian.  Whatever, please, just...  Don't stop," I begged him, pressing my head into the pillow behind me.  I hadn't thought anything of what had come out of my mouth, I was too aroused to think straight.

His arms curved underneath both of my legs and he tugged me closer to his mouth with such brute force that my eyes shot open in surprise.  "That is the  _last_  fucking time I wanna hear you call me Q.  I mean it, Tess."  His voice was gruff and deadly serious- enough for me to know he'd taken great offense to me using his nickname.  Some time ago, I recalled him asking me to call him Brian, but there hadn't been any explanation.

I was frozen.  My heart was in my throat because he had never taken that tone with me.  Not once, and I was almost frightened of him.  "O-okay. I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Lie still," he ordered.  His touch returned while still leaving my underwear in place.  The feeling of his beard against my sensitive inner thighs and his mouth teasing me again was just enough to calm my fretting nerves.  I grasped the comforter in my hands, biting my lip as I felt him tug away the tiny strip of lace that hid what he was after.

"Brian," I exhaled in a long breath.  Over and over again, as the delicate caress of his skilled tongue began against my bared flesh.  My back instantly curved off the bed and I found my hips- with a mind of their own, thrusting gently toward him.  I could hear his moans reverberating throughout my lower half, but when he closed his lips around me, everything went white.  I cried out for him, gasping, until he allowed me to come crashing down.  The magnificent crescendo and aftermath of that particular moment made me forget all of the things that had happened in the hour before.  The declaration I'd given him, the way he'd gotten upset with me, none of that mattered anymore.  Not while we were in his bed.  That's what I was after.   _That_  was why I had come back to New York.

I threw my arm over my eyes and he let me catch my breath for a few seconds, then I felt the light touch of his fingers tracing the curves of my body.  Carefully and with utter attentiveness, he slid my panties away and turned me to unclasp my bra.  He gave me goosebumps in the way his hands brushed over my skin and I allowed myself to watch him work.  I watched the way his hungry eyes took all of me in, the way he followed the heated paths he left behind with soft kisses.  I laid back again, tangling my fingers in his hair, sliding my thighs against his waist to encourage him closer.

"I wish I knew what you were doing to me," he whispered as he buried his face into the crook of my neck.  I wasn't sure what he meant, but I slid my hands down his strong back and he slowly moved against my core, taking his sweet, leisurely time to reacquaint himself.  I stayed quiet, mainly trying to convince myself to relax since it had been so long.  Trembling, I pulled his hips closer, inhaling a sharp breath when he was finally seated within me.  His hissed almost every profane word imaginable and I could all but nod my head in agreement.  It was a good hurt, it always was.  And every time I was forced to leave him, the feeling always resonated for a few days after.  It took me back to the incredible, sleepless nights I was lucky enough to spend with him.

"Brian, please."  He kept his movements slow and his eyes hidden from me, but amazingly enough, I was coaxing him desperately for more.  I wanted him to do as he pleased after all, I didn't want him thinking he couldn't because it may be of some minuscule discomfort on my behalf.

"I can't, Tess.  I don't want it to be over," he replied against my cheek.  Then, he propped himself up and brushed the hair from my eyes.  His lips parted as he continued to move and I felt the tension build in his muscles as he tried to remain in control.  He was shuddering himself, so I hooked my leg over his hip to match his pace.   _Jesus, hell in a hand basket, you're gonna let this guy go?  You MUST be crazy..._

As I shooed my inner voice away, he picked up his tempo and gave into the bliss.  I hopelessly clutched him against me, stilling my own movements as not be of any distraction to him.  His arms slid beneath my shoulders and he pulled me to him, meshing our bodies together completely.  With skin on skin and his mouth crushing mine, I felt him surge within me until the last wave rolled through him and his frame went lax in my embrace.

I was panting, he was sweaty, but I wouldn't have asked for anything more.  Not ever.  We were reunited and did it ever feel good. Incredible.  Mind-numbing.  I could have gone on, but I had an annoying tune in my head and I surely didn't want to ruin the moment.  Certainly not after that.

He tidied the both of us up before laying back down beside me.  My eyes were closed since I was still buzzing from the after effects, but they opened when he began to draw circles on my stomach.

"Hi," he murmured.

I smiled lazily, staring at the ceiling.  "Hi."

"I apologize for my lack of stamina that time, Tess.  But it's been far too long since I've had you," he added.

My smile grew as I covered his hand with my own.  "Please.  It's always perfect with you."  Again, I hadn't been thinking when I opened my mouth.   _That's not what someone says when they're trying to evade attachment, you dope_.

"The last thing I wanna do is disappoint you."

"Shhh," I told him with a shake of my head.  That was the last I remembered of that evening.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon floating through his bedroom.  I didn't know what time it was, nor did I care a whole lot about much else.  The ache that spread through my groin caused me to bite my lip and grin as I recalled the events of the night before.  The thrill of that excitement coerced me from the warmth of his bed sheets and into the bathroom.

Gasping at the sight of my hair, I quickly gathered it into a somewhat controlled heap on the top of my head and wiped the sleep from my eyes.  I was fretting again by the time I emerged.  I wasn't sure what to say or how to act.  Did I kiss him good morning?  Or did I just attempt to play it cool, like I had originally planned out?

"Fuck," I muttered, slipping into a fresh t-shirt and pair of cotton shorts.  I followed the sound of music playing in the living room where I found him at the kitchen island on his computer.

"Hey you," he said when he noticed me tip-toeing down the hall.

"Hi," I said quietly.  My face was already covered in a blush I had no control over and I wrung my hands together in front of me.

"Sleep good?"

"Like a rock."

He reached for my waist and tugged me between his knees, planting a slow, sweet kiss to my lips.  "Good," he murmured.  His hand snuck beneath shirt and splayed across the small of my back, turning me defenseless once again.

"Come back to bed," I whispered.  Since he only wore boxers, I touched his bare chest, dragging my fingers to the elastic band beneath his belly button.

He groaned against my mouth and I could feel him already arousing, but he pulled away and shook his head.  "Lets eat first."

My shoulders fell, yet I laughed when he forced me into the stool beside him.  "If you insist."  I dug in to the plate put in front of me and every bite was heaven.  I took the liberty of cleaning up though he greatly opposed the idea, but it was the least I could have done for him.  Especially after the day we had planned.  Well, I was only hoping we'd spend the majority of it in bed.  That way, I could avoid any conversation and just do to him what was so fulfilling to me.

And he let me, well into the afternoon.  After a nap to recharge, I slid my hand across his stomach in hopes to wake him up.

"Tess, I don't think I have anything left," he chuckled, bringing my finger tips to his lips.

I smiled with my head on his shoulder and draped my leg over his.  Why I'd become such a fiend was right beneath me, yet I still couldn't get enough of him.  That, and I had done a pretty good job up until that point to keep things purely physical.  Little did I know, that was about to change.

"Why won't you tell me what this is?" he asked out of the blue, touching the ink on my ribs, just below my breast.

"I didn't think you'd be interested," I lied.  Rolling onto my back, I pulled the sheet over it.

"I wouldn't have asked you about it what, two times now if I wasn't interested?  C'mon, give me a little more credit than that, sweetheart."  He followed, situating himself on his side and uncovered me again.

"It's just a poem I really like."

" _Just_  a poem?  Tess, it's gotta be pretty important if you got a tattoo of it," he said as he laid a kiss to my abdomen.

Giving him a hard glance, I pursed my lips as I thought of how to answer him without getting too personal.  That was proving rather difficult because it was one of the most private questions he could have asked.   _Why, why, why are you doing this to me?_

"It was something my mom said to me once.  Not her words, but for whatever reason, they stuck," I began softly.  I too touched where the poetry laid on my skin, thinking about the last time I'd seen her face.

"They're beautiful words.  I really like the cursive, too," he whispered sincerely.

"It's her handwriting," I confessed, running my fingers through his hair.  Then he sat up, pulling me with him into the bathroom.  We showered over the next forty minutes, touching and kissing, somehow managing to clean up before we completely ran out of hot water.

After that, I found myself at ease again.  Though I wasn't too happy with myself for cracking in just the slightest, it wasn't awkward any longer.  He wasn't by any means pressing me for further intimate information, it was just comfortable between us.

He ordered take-out for dinner and queued up a movie by the time it arrived.  I wore one of his t-shirts and sat back on his deep couch to admire the way he moved, feeling my heart swell with even more fondness for him.  It irked me that not only was he dynamite in bed, he had a sweet, nurturing side that had me fawning all over him.  And though I swore I wouldn't, it exhausted me to keep fighting it.  Plus, it felt mutual- unless he was truly the most debonair womanizer on the face of the earth.

_What is happening to you?_   I asked myself that question over and over when he disappeared into the kitchen.  That was not how it was supposed to go.  Sure, I sounded like a broken record, but I had to keep myself in check- something I was ultimately failing miserably at.  But I was really stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Had I been in Louisiana, I easily could have left the situation.  And I would have.  But I wasn't, and I definitely had nowhere else to go.

I remained quiet throughout the meal and again offered to take his plate when we were finished.  I let the faucet run in the sink as I grabbed for my phone to text Liv.

_Tell me again why I agreed to come here._

Liv:  Uhh, because BQ's sexy as fuck?  Why else?

_Ha.  While that's true, I'm not doing a very good job keeping the feelings out of it._

Liv:  Just don't go full girl on him and you'll be fine.  Did you tell him you were done after this weekend?

_I did.  But I don't think he took it well._

Liv:  He'll get over it.

Of course, very,  _very_  secretively, no part of me wanted him to.  I wanted every chance I could get with him, even if they were always going to be months apart.  That was just our thing.  The way it had always been.  I no longer had it in me to even try to fathom the thought of staying away from him.  Not with the way he'd been treating me, which was amazing.   He was kind, reluctant, sweet, thoughtful...  And he'd provided me with more orgasms in the short time we'd been back within feet of one another than I had with all of my past relationships combined.  Not that I had a laundry list of partners, he was still, by far, the best lover I'd ever had.

The faucet ceased behind me and I jumped out of my skin when he appeared in the dark kitchen.  Not only that, my ancient cell went flying from my grasp and landed on the floor, not before breaking into two pieces.

"Shit, Tess.  I'm sorry," he said all very quickly as he bent to pick up what was left of my phone.

I snickered at his concern because it was of no concern to me.  "It's okay.  You scared me is all," I told him with a casual shrug.

"Yeah, but it's your  _telephone_."

"So?  I probably have another one at home.  Same model and everything."

He gave me a sideways, bored look and shook his head.  "Why you haven't gotten something more reliable baffles me."

I shrugged again.  "Hey, be nice.  I don't find the need for all that technology.  I only text Liv really, and that's even pushing it."

"What about me?"

"I'd have to say the same," I teased, taking the plastic pieces from him to toss them into the garbage can.

He growled disapprovingly and my eyes went wide, but a purr overcame that when he lifted me onto the counter.  "I'm not sure I like that answer," he groaned as he pulled our hips together.

Grinning, my head fell back to expose the hollow of my throat to him.  I didn't say anything after that, I figured I'd let him settle back down enough so he would let it go.   _How you don't have whiplash is beyond me..._   That was something to take into account, I really had been going back and forth with myself a whole hell of a lot.  That and I was starting to sound freaking redundant on the inside.  I was going to just have to wait and see how the rest of the weekend went.  Which was going to be spectacular by the way things were looking.  Especially if we kept allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of.

In the heat of everything, I ended up knocking over the container of kitchen utensils across the floor when I tried to grab for the edge of the counter, but not even that stopped him.  He'd pushed the shirt up to expose my chest to him as he thrust hungrily, as if we hadn't gotten enough already.  I smiled at him when he forced me to meet his eyes, and only then did he hit  _the_  spot.

I sucked in a sharp, sated breath, then let it out in soft, elongated moan, "Brian..."  His name rolled off my tongue like velvet, just as mine did coming from his lips.

His appreciation showed because he dipped his hand between us, brushing his thumb over my most delicate skin, causing my vision went hazy again- just as it always did whenever he conjured those incredible, fiery sensations.  The hold I had on him between my thighs tightened immensely as the climax rocked through every square inch of my very existence.

"Holy.  Fuck."  It came out of nowhere- again, but it was exactly what I was thinking.  I threw my hand over my eyes in one very sad attempt to come down from the high he had me on.

"Lets get some fresh air," he said as he pulled away.

I sat up, perplexed with his suggestion.  "I thought you wanted to watch a movie."

"It'll still be here when we get back.  Go for a ride with me."

"Sure..." I said uneasily.  I slid from the counter and headed to the bathroom, but not before he told me to put on jeans and a sweatshirt.  Thankfully I'd brought both with me since I wasn't used to the mild summers the north had.  At least from what I heard, anyway.

"Boots."  He nodded toward mine in the mud room and that left me more than confused.  While I knew you could take the top off of the Jeep, I didn't think it was enough to warrant the outfit he was telling me to wear.  But he was in jeans as well, accompanied with a long-sleeve thermal shirt.

"Isn't it like seventy degrees outside?"

"And isn't that cold for you?" he retorted lightheartedly, grabbing my hip to yank me closer.

I almost rolled my eyes, but the way he looked at me told me to play nice.  "Smart aleck," I murmured, pressing my lips to his just as he was requesting.  He lingered longer than I had anticipated, especially after just doing what we'd done on his kitchen counter, but I couldn't deny him the simple gesture.

Following him outside, he went right passed the Jeep and headed to the already opened garage.  A motorcycle as dark as the night sat in the middle of the space, yet it shimmered like diamonds beneath the fluorescent lights above.  Something about the sight of it sent a jolt of electricity up my spine.

"Don't be nervous, I'm a good driver, Tess," he began as he picked up an opened-face helmet from one of the shelves.

"Was that me doubting you just now?  I didn't hear anything," I laughed, taking it from him after securing my curls at the base of my neck.

"Who's the smart ass now?" he grinned.

"I believe it was smart  _aleck_ , Mr. Quinn."

He fastened the strap beneath my chin while his deep brown eyes smiled at me.  "Mr. Quinn is my father."  His accent made my insides melt and I swore right then I could listen to him talk for hours.

"Smart ass," I replied in my best imitation of him.

He laughed and climbed onto the bike to start the engine.  It roared immediately and settled to a low rumble when he let it idle, turning to me to pat the seat behind him.  The thought of wrapping my arms around him once more had me compulsively obliging him in no time.  I scooted forward so that my thighs mirrored his and slid my hands underneath the patch covered leather vest he had added to his ensemble.

We took off from his driveway, slow at first until we hit somewhat of an open road, which was far from what I was accustomed to.  It was still the city- way more city than Louisiana, but when we turned onto a boulevard that ended at the water, I lost my breath.  While I knew dinner time had come and gone, there was a sunset in my sights that I knew I couldn't pass up.  As the corner drew closer, I tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to a park at our right, hoping he'd stop.

He did and immediately he turned to me.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Brian.  You can't tell me you don't see this," I said, whipping my leg off the bike to walk closer to the edge of the water in front of us.  The sky was a mix of pinks and purples and blues, something truly, truly astounding.  I didn't even mind the cityscape behind it all.  There was a bridge lit up for the evening and of course I didn't know the name, nor did I care too much- I was utterly in awe of the view.  I had no idea the bustling, commercialized state of New York could hold such beauty.

"What is it, baby?" he asked.  I heard him follow and I also felt the shiver his question summoned within me.

"This.  The view."  I walked down a few steps to the beach where gentle waves lapped at the sand and I could almost imagine myself back at home.  I lived on the river, but I'd been to the ocean before and it sounded just the same.  I removed the helmet from my head and tucked it under my arm, completely unconcerned with the condition of my hair.  There were other people strewn about the beach doing the exact same thing I was, so I took a seat to watch the remainder of what the night was offering.   There was a chill in the air, not the seventy degrees I had spoken of earlier, but I didn't care.  It was the most beautiful of evenings.

To my surprise, he sat down behind me, pulling me back against his chest.  "I like the way you think sometimes," he said as his hands slid to my knees.

Smiling, I relaxed in his arms.  "Just sometimes?"

He intertwined our fingers next and while mine were cold, his warmth took it all away.  But he heaved a long sigh afterward.  "You said nothing after this weekend."

I nodded, focusing my gaze on the magnificent spectacle in front of me, though my heart had fallen to the pits of my stomach.  "I did."

"What are you gonna do when you go home?" he asked.

The breeze picked up just as he spoke and without question, he tightened his grip.  "Things'll back to normal, I guess.  Back to work.  I mean, what else would I do?" I asked amidst a quiet, forced laugh.

"You could still talk to me, ya know," he mentioned as he laid his lips to the side of my head. I found my eyes closing and I took a slow, controlled breath.  I wanted to badly to give in because I'd nearly talked myself into it just a few hours before, yet I was still doubting everything.  It was so easy for him to up and leave the time before...  What was to stop him from doing the very same thing once he got bored again?

"We'll see about that," I told him as convincingly as I could have.  With the way he'd been touching me, holding me and the things being said, all of it had my mind whirling in a thousand different directions.  How he had changed up on me was probably not the first time he'd done it with someone else, but to me, what we had I saw as ultimately ill-fated without any sort of future.  And no matter which way I looked at it, I wasn't going to get out in one piece.  That was why I wasn't supposed to let things go on.  It wasn't supposed to get deeper between us.  That was why I was supposed to remain impersonal.  That was exactly why I had come there with the mindset of my best friend, the one who never let her emotions call the shots.  It was all a game. There were a set of rules planned out to the very last detail.  That way I wouldn't get hurt.  I would just have to learn everything I could so that the next journey, whenever I was ready for another, it would be less of a worry to me.

When the last ray of sunshine dipped below to where it was no longer visible, I left his embrace and stood.  He remained in the sand and his stare was hard.  "We can't be done, Tess."

"It's only Friday, Brian," I replied, fixing the helmet back over my curls.

Raising to his own feet, his knuckles brushed my chin as he fastened the buckle for me.   "I know that.  But it's still not gonna be enough."

"I think it will."

His fingers dug into my hips when he was through and he kissed me roughly, nipping at my lower lip before he pulled away.  That alone signaled to me again that my stance on things didn't thrill him.  I tried to tell myself that Liv was right, that he'd get over it eventually.  I had to believe he would, otherwise I would forever be on the line, stringing myself along just so I wouldn't feel guilty about disappointing him.  That was another one of my faults, I never wanted to hurt anybody.  I never thought it would be a problem with him because I always thought he'd be the one to crush me.

He turned away, heading back to his bike, but I stood still to talk myself down.  What I wanted to say was ' _screw you, Brian Quinn.  Screw you for making me have these goddamn feelings for you_ ,' but I couldn't.  I would never speak the words outside my head.  I just had to know that everything I was doing was for the best.  But...  He was getting to me.  And it was going to be obvious now.

"You comin'?" he asked, pulling me from my stupor.  I nodded and climbed the steps to where he was and hopped back on.  He turned his hat backward before starting up the engine and I laid my cheek against his back.  The leather was cool to the touch and since it was dark, my body hugged him just a bit tighter.

He drove home faster than he did on the way out and I was slightly terrified of what might come.  I'd not seen a temper on him before but I had a notion that might be quick to change.  Which made me feel even more awful.  He parked in the garage once we made it back, allowing me to dismount first and his silence began to eat at me.  He took the helmet from my head, briefly making eye contact.

"Why are you upset?  I thought this was what you wanted," I said once I found the nerve.

"I'm not upset," he quickly replied, flipping off the light.

That almost made me laugh.  He  _was_  upset and he was blatantly lying to me.  I followed him back inside where I removed my boots and went to his bedroom to find something more comfortable to put on.  He brushed past me as I started to change, so I stopped, eyeing his movements.  He threw his cell down on the nightstand and shrugged his vest off.  Before I knew it, I found myself helping him.  I pushed his shirt up to reveal his creamy, porcelain skin and when he turned, his heated gaze met mine.  I pressed my bare torso to his and he picked me up, but I took the reigns from him and rolled us over so that I could finish undressing him.  My lips grazed over his stomach while my hands went to work on his belt, easily sliding it from the loops to be tossed away.

"Tess..." he breathed and I only grinned.

If sex was my only means for distraction, I was going to put everything I had into it.  I liberated him and he lifted his hips so I could tug the denim away.  He was in all his glory mere inches from my face- a sight I would never get used to.  He was beautiful.  Every part of him.  And while he was mine at that specific moment, he would never fully be.  I just had to appreciate what time we had left.

I wrapped my hand around him and began a slow rhythm, watching his face for any sign of dislike.  His brow furrowed and his lips parted all the while his hips thrust into my palm.  I tossed my hair to one side so I wouldn't miss a second of his pleasure, just as he'd done for me a myriad of times before.  I wanted him to feel good.  I always did.   And that was my only defense against him.  The physical stuff was easy.  That I could do.  It was when he pressed me for more, even after I'd told him no, that was what was eating at me.  I didn't know what to believe and I wasn't equipped to deal with that.

In the absence of light in his bedroom, he grabbed both of my arms and forced me onto my back.  Since he was already primed for what I was waiting for, I moved my hands to his hips to pull him closer- but he stopped me.  I could barely make out the shaking of his head, but it told me enough to quit, so I did.  His mouth was what caressed me next.  I cooed and purred with every pass, even finding my back arched off the bed when his teeth meticulously plucked each of my nipples.

"Ugh, yes," I whimpered, doing my best to keep my hands to myself.

"This...  Is heaven, Tess," he whispered in reply.  If he only knew that he was the same thing to me.  I was already trembling with anticipation, yet he kept his pace glacial.  He was teasing me...  Taking his time.  Driving me absolutely wild.  His hand slid between my thighs to touch me in that very secret spot, the place where I was begging for him most.

I cried out softly when he took it away, but it was soon replaced with his mouth.  "Oh...  My..."  I found his hair, tangling my fingers into it as his head moved carefully back and forth, sweeping his gentle tongue over me, easing off each time I tensed up.  When I couldn't take anymore taunting, I pleaded with him- telling him I'd do almost anything just to get over that ledge.  And he obliged the second I asked him.  He maintained a constant pressure while his tongue swirled, setting me on fire.  My chest heaved in short breaths until I fell completely apart beneath him.

There was a light sweat on my brow which he wiped away once he climbed to me and my body still shuddered with the repercussions of my latest climax.  Because of that, I felt I had some serious reciprocating to do.  Once I caught my breath enough to see straight, he had rolled us once more so that he sat against the headboard and draped me over his lap.  I touched him again, making sure the both of us were ready.  But, I had to know that we were always ready for one another.  His skin was soft and warm, yet he was rigid.  Infallible.  Incredible.

"I'm all yours, Tess," he murmured as he watched every move I made.  Closely.  Like a hawk.  Nodding, I lifted myself onto him and his hand grabbed my chin to force my eyes to his while his other guided my hip in the most perfect of directions.  I sank unhurriedly, gasping desperately when he was fully consumed inside of me.  And he still had my gaze which was left unbroken the entire time he let me do as I please.  His hands explored my body as I staggered above him, trying my best to stay focused on the task in front of me.  He pushed my fallen curls from my face and cradled me so tenderly, I felt as if we were the only two people in the world.  Cliche, I knew, but he made me feel special.  Every bit of his attention was on me and it seemed that I was the only thing that mattered.

It was different that time and when I realized it, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.  He sat forward and did the same, pressing our bodies even closer together.  I shattered again in the seconds that followed because he had taken control and moved me just right.  My head fell back as his name echoed from my lungs and his own release reverberated between us.  Carefully, he laid me back and cleaned up before disappearing into the bathroom.  Whatever just happened had me drifting off quicker than I anticipated, but I was spent.  My limbs were jelly.  My groin had that dull throb from his overtaking, but I wouldn't have wished for another feeling on the face of the planet.

When I awoke, the sun shone through his windows and I reached for his side of the bed only to find it empty.  I didn't know how I'd let myself fall asleep so fast, especially after something that spectacular.   I smiled with the thought of him doing what he did to me, then I had the sudden feeling that I'd gone back on the words that I had spoken to him just ten hours earlier.  My actions, anyway, had done just that.  While I had tried to sidetrack his mind with my body, he'd gone and played a sneaky game right back.  One that had me surrendering to him and I was slowly beginning to understand his frustrations.

Chewing on my lip, I dressed in some running clothes and tied my hair back before leaving him a note on the counter should he return when I was gone.  The morning was muggy and hot, much different from the sunset cruise we'd taken the previous night.  I was covered in sweat the moment I started to jog, but I needed to clear my head.  Clear it of any inklings I might have had if I let myself get more involved.  He'd done things differently and not that I didn't enjoy myself and maybe led him in the complete opposite direction I'd vocalized, either way it had gotten too intimate for my comfort.  I knew what I had to do.

By the time I rounded the last corner that brought me back to his house, I thought I had my shit together.  Or so I wanted to believe.

Hurriedly, he was climbing into his Jeep but he stopped the instant he saw me.  "Jesus, Tess.  Where the hell have you been?" he asked in a rush.

I looked down at my outfit and the condition I was in, hoping it would point out the obvious.  "I went for a run.  I didn't plan on being gone that long but I got a little lost.  Didn't you see my note?"

"No, I didn't see any  _note_.  You don't know the neighborhood, you should have waited for me."  He'd closed the space between us and his hands had a tight hold on my biceps.

"I'm sorry you didn't see it, but I'm a big girl, Brian.  Relax," I told him, trying to shrug his overzealous grip away.

"Relax?" he laughed sarcastically.  Then his eyes went dark.  "I was worried, what else was I supposed to think?"

"Please don't worry about me.  I don't know why you're so damn moody all of a sudden either.  It's just sex, remember?"  Maybe that wasn't the most empathetic thing to say to him, but I'd somewhat gotten my head back on straight and it felt about right for what I was determined to do.

"So what was last night then?  You didn't feel that?" he countered quickly, letting my arms go.  I brushed passed him to the side door that was open and headed straight to the bathroom to wash up.  I wasn't alone for long, because he pushed his way in, crossed his arms and leaned against the vanity.

"What do you want me to say to you?  Am I just supposed to go against everything I've believed about you this entire time just because you've decided to change your mind?  I don't think so.  These were  _your_  rules and I've gone along with it just fine even though I knew it was a bad idea.  You do not get to do this to me, Brian Quinn," I said firmly.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the hardest things in life is letting go of what you thought was real. -Ritu Ghatourey

He stared hard at me in the cool bathroom, but tensions were thick and it made my heart pound a bit faster.  "Whatever it is you say I'm doing to you is the same damn thing you're doing to me, Tess.  Only worse.  You won't let me in and while I'm trying to understand why, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do other than try to make you believe that I don't want to stop doing this.  We  _can't_  be done after you leave tomorrow."  His expression fell to one that was sad and dammit, I was cracking because of it.  _S o much for your inspiring run...  And that backbone you said you had_.

"Please stop," I whispered as tears began to sting the backs of my eyes.

"You're not the only one going out on a limb here.  Can't we just see where it goes?" he said, moving closer to console me.

But I turned away, adamantly shaking my head.  "It's so much easier for you, Brian.  It always has been.  I don't think I can be that person- in fact, I know I'm better than that."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not implying anything negative about you-"

"It sure sounds like it," he interjected.

Shooting him a glare, I did my best ignore his comment and continue.  "I think you're an amazing person, Brian.  But you... Your lifestyle isn't for me.  You were a huge risk for me since the beginning and I can't just move on to someone new with a snap of my fingers when this is over.   Not like you can.  And yeah, you mean something to me, but I can't put myself out there like that because I know it'll end before I'm ready.  I'll never be ready.  So, that's why I have to do it now.  I...  I thought you'd understand."  I hated that my voice was shaky and weak, but that had been what I'd become.  A defenseless, doubtful person.  All because I was afraid of him- or rather afraid of what was going to happen to me when things were over for good.

"There hasn't been anyone else since we met, Tess.  You've been it, honest.  And I wanna keep it that way.  Just give it a chance," he pleaded, lightly touching his hand to my forearm.

I looked to him and for the first time, I saw raw sincerity in his eyes.  Maybe it'd been there before and I ignored it because of my own insecurities, but I saw it that morning in his bathroom.  And I believed him.

He cupped my damp cheeks and stepped out in front of me. "Please," he said softly.

I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and averted my eyes momentarily before meeting his again.  "What happens when it all falls apart?  What then?"

"It won't, Tess.  I promise," he replied, very slowly leaning in to kiss my lips.  He couldn't promise anything, we both knew that.  But we'd finally heard one another.

Why I believed him all of a sudden I still wasn't one hundred percent certain of, but I still found myself putting more of my trust into him anyway.  After all, he wouldn't be the man I thought him to be if he was lying through his teeth.  He'd been nothing short of up front and honest for the most part right from the get go, so I had to give him that much.

And, I didn't want to be that scared little girl anymore.  I knew what I wanted- which was most definitely him and he might have finally been within arm's reach- or maybe he had been all along and I was too chicken shit to notice.  I heard my conscience saying that I was a fool loud and clear, but I shoved any negativity aside for the time being, seeing how he had started the shower and stripped me of my clothes.  There was still more I felt needed talking through, but I'd force myself to relax and let things slide.  For a little while.

"Come to Jersey with me tonight.  I want you to meet some people.  It'll be fun," he added once he opened the glass door.

I moved under the shower head to rinse the remnants of my run from my skin and let the water wash over my face.  "I don't know, Brian."

"Please?  I have to go record and I'd really like it if you were there.  At least think about it."

Then he was gone.  I finished up, towel dried my hair and threw on another pair of shorts and a clean shirt.  He was sitting at the island, staring at his computer when I joined him.

Timidly, I slid onto the stool beside him and immediately started in on my meal.  I was starving and had absolutely no clue that I was.  "Thank you for breakfast," I said quietly.

"Least I can do, Tess."  Then he reached for a bag that was hidden on the sink side of the counter and plopped it in front of me.

"What's that?"

"Something you need," he replied.

"I don't-"

"Just open it," he interrupted, giving me a sly smirk.

I was reluctant to since I already had a good idea what it was, judging from the phone carrier's logo on the plastic bag.  Unhappy with my hesitation, he reached in himself and handed me the box that held a brand new and totally unnecessary smartphone.

"Brian, I already told you I don't need one of these and I really, really don't want you buying me things."

"Humor me, Tess.  You might like it," he replied with a hint of sarcasm.  But he kissed my head anyway before opening the box to power it up.  "I had them transfer your old phone number to it so you won't worry anybody by not being able to be reached but as far as your contacts go...  There's not a whole lot they could do with that dinosaur you had."

I pinched his side and rolled my eyes.  "This is way too much.  I'll pay you whatever it cost."

"Nonsense and ouch, by the way," he said, rubbing the spot I had assaulted.  He spent the rest of the morning explaining all the bells and whistles the phone had.  A lot of them went in one ear and out the other, but I understood the basics of texting and making phone calls.  That was all I needed to know.

To make myself presentable for our venture later on, I threw some product into my hair and slid into a pair of jeans and a graphic tee I deemed appropriate.  He told me all about his friends and podcast on the way and assured me more than once that they'd be more than happy to meet me.  My brain, well, it had other ideas because I was a nervous wreck by the time we arrived.   _Relax, you have actually met new people before.  Don't be an idiot_.

There was a big sign above that said something about somebody's stash and he led me inside to the back of the comic book store.  Q was received with open arms and I remembered Bryan the instant I saw him from the rather awkward night my first visit to New York.  Walt on the other hand, he gave me a not so warm and fuzzy feeling.  Not that he wasn't pleasant, I was just afraid that maybe he'd been through the whole charade with Q's many 'friends' he may have brought around one time or another.  I most definitely couldn't have been the first.

Somehow, the uncomfortable feeling was sidelined when the show began.  I had to keep reminding myself to stay quiet the entire time though it was hard to keep my laughter at bay.  My face heated with a blush each time Q looked at me but he wasn't upset that I'd let a snicker escape here and there, rather he seemed pleased that I had found humor in their crass banter.  I looked around the room that was adorned with collectibles, posters and lots of fan art.  That's when I noticed the green table they surrounded was covered in signatures- thousands of them and suddenly wondered why I had no idea who he was just a year ago.

When all said and done, Walt made a hasty exit, leaving just Q, Bryan and myself.  I ran my fingers over the felt of the table before joining them at the front of the store.  I found out that they had a TV show they recorded their also which blew me away again.  Liv probably knew that already, but I was going to gush to her the moment I got home anyway.  And not only was I going to DVR it, but I was going to try to listen to the episodes of the podcast I'd just witnessed.

After saying goodnight, we made the trek home and wound up in his bedroom where I sat atop the covers, watching him move around the room.  I held my fresh glass of whiskey in front of me and really thought over the words I was about to ask.  "What do you mean when you say more?"  It was hardly audible, but I'd managed to get the question out.

He gave me a cheeky grin, clinking our glasses together.  "What?"

"You say you want more.  But I don't know what more is," I reiterated shyly.

Then, slowly, he knelt on the bed and took my cup to set it down.  "Whenever we have the time, Tess, I want to see you.  I know we're both busy-"

"You're busy," I teased.

"We're  _both_  busy," he said in a light, warning tone, "but I'm willing to make the effort if you are."

"Willing to make the effort?"

He grabbed my thighs and swiftly had me on my back.  "There will be no one else, Tess, because I'm not good at sharing my things," he growled.

Since I had removed my pants before getting comfortable, I slid my thighs against the rough denim he still wore.  "So now I'm a thing?"

"You're everything, Tess," he drew out as he bit down on the curve of my neck.  That was enough to smooth it over for me.  I gasped softly at the gruff attack, but my senses were alive again.  With his words and his actions.  He pushed my shirt up and tugged away the cups of my bra one at a time, wreaking havoc carefully and sensually.

"Brian, please," I whispered.  I hated that he had so much control over me, at least that was what I was thinking because my body was doing the complete opposite- it was absolutely loving it.  It always did.

"You are fucking beautiful."  It was a heated confession and maybe it was just because I was nearly naked, but I believed him.  Again.  He was changing me.   Changing the way I thought of myself.  Because he simply thought I was beautiful.  Just a girl from a small town in Louisiana.  One he never would have met had I not been on duty that night.   Had his friend not nearly knock me unconscious.  And if it weren't for Liv, I wouldn't be in the very spot I was that very moment.  I was truly lucky and it wasn't until then that I realized it.

His hand started at the hollow of my throat and proceeded down the length of my torso, coercing my back to arch off the bed.  Then, it dipped between my thighs and I implored him for more once I felt his touch.  His hair tickled my skin, his beard scraped against the most sensitive of places and that made me call out to him in the worst way.  How I was going to survive without his touch for who knows how long, I didn't know.  I didn't want to think about it.  My empty bed was truly going to be just that.  Empty, lonely and missing him until he was beside me again.  And the end, whenever that came, it was going to be tragic.  Gut wrenching.  I would never be the same after him.  I knew he wasn't the one for me as much as I wanted to believe it, I just had to enjoy the ride.  I had to. Otherwise, I was in his bed, underneath him for absolutely no other reason.  If I couldn't take advantage of that, I was wasting my time.  Plain and simple.

We stayed up all night, seeking out whatever pleasure we had to offer one another in the short time that was left, and when the alarm went off, I was in no shape to go to the airport.  His body lazily covered mine and we were still naked and even still a bit damp, a situation no one should ever have to part with.  But that was reality.  He let me escape it for an entire weekend and I couldn't have been more thankful.

I refused a shower when we rose- I wasn't ready to wash away his scent just yet.  There were marks on my skin that would be there for days, a constant reminder of the way he made me feel and the amazing things he'd done to me.  And that dull ache between my thighs, I would never wish that away.  But when it did diminish, our next meeting would be that much closer.  At least I forced myself to believe that.  He wanted more, he said, so I was going to give him more whenever I had the chance.  I would be crazy to give that up.

I was almost dizzy with the thoughts racing through my head when I came out of the bathroom, but when he kissed me, they silenced immediately.  My hair was sure to be a wreck and my eyes heavy and tired, but he still called me beautiful.  Maybe because he was the one who'd caused my appearance, which I secretly hoped was the true reason why, but I would never know.  And I would never ask.  I just had to trust his judgement.

A yawn escaped me when I dreadfully stopped at the security gate that would soon separate us.  "I can't thank you enough, Brian," I began, turning to smile at him.  He smiled back, tucking away some fly away curls that had come loose during the drive.  My body was floating on a high, but my heart was sinking because I had to go.

"I got something else for you," he said as he pulled a small package from his back pocket.

My brow furrowed and I shook my head.  "I told you I don't want you buying me things."

He gave me a bored look before he squeezed my side.  "I didn't.  When I saw what this actually said, I knew I heard it somewhere before."

As I unwrapped the brown paper that bound the book, I immediately recognized the name of the poet on the cover.  "Brian, where did you find this?" I whispered incredulously.

"I had it, actually.  I found it yesterday morning before I went to the store," he added.  While I was still in awe because of the small, though incredibly thoughtful gesture, his lips were placing soft kisses over my face.

"This is too much."

"You keep saying that and I'll probably always disagree, but I like doing things for you.  I do.  And I really thought you should have this."  He cupped my neck, brushing his thumbs over my cheeks and I tried my best to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"I..."

"I didn't expect to get this reaction, but I'm taking it as a good sign?" he asked sweetly, lifting my chin to meet my eyes.

I laughed softly and nodded, leaning my forehead against his chest.  "This really means a lot, Brian."

"I hope you like it."  His arms wrapped around my shoulders as he pulled me closer.

"I love it."  I hugged him back just as the TSA officer called for the next person in line.  Which was me.  I leaned back just enough to meet his kiss and closed my eyes to get lost in it one more time.

"Call me when you get home."

"Sure thing." I kissed him again before reluctantly carrying myself away. A quick wave later, I dragged my feet to the gate that awaited.

*

Things over the next few weeks remained hot and heavy whenever the both of us had time and him the privacy.  It wasn't too often because it seemed he always had something to do, but I was going to take what I could get and not complain about it.  He led a crazy life, yet he still wanted me to be a part of it.  That's what kept me going.  That and when things got steamy on the late night phone calls, he made me feel sexy.  Something I never would have admitted otherwise.  I almost felt like a different person when it came to him.   He brought things out in me I normally wouldn't share with anyone.  While he could still make me blush at the drop of a hat, he also made me feel free.

I'd just gotten home from work and the time was drawing closer for one of his calls, so to pass the minutes quicker, I decided to upload some photos taken with my new cell to Facebook.  There were a few from New York, but mostly they were from my days back in Louisiana.  Downtown New Orleans, Liv and I at the riverbed in front of our house and other random shots I'd seen the beauty in.  Seconds after they were posted, the message box popped up in the lower right hand corner of my computer screen.

I had almost completely forgotten about her until I read the name.   _Camille messaged you_.

Camille:  Great pictures, Tess!  How are you?

I chewed on my lip because I was utterly confused by her sudden need to contact me.  But I let my fingers move across the keyboard anyway.

_Good.  Just living life, I suppose._

Camille:  Have you ever thought of going into photography?  I'm serious, those are some great shots.

_Never._

Camille:  You should print them out.  Send them to me in New York.  I can put in a good word.

_That's really okay.  One career is enough for me._

Camille:  I bet!  How is the new job, by the way?

"How the fuck does she know about that?" I uttered out loud to myself.

_It's good.  No complaints._

Camille:  Awesome! I see you were in New York not too long ago too.  Who were you visiting?

If she'd somehow found out about my promotion, how did she not know that I had spent another weekend with Q?  Crossing my legs at the island, I leaned forward on my elbows as I thought of how I should respond.  I didn't want to make her mad, obviously.

_A friend who moved recently._

Then there was nothing.  No response, no indication that she was typing said response.  Just silence.  That was when my feed refreshed with a new album of hers.  Random pictures, one of her and Q she'd even made her profile.  Sure, it might have been coincidence, but the logical part of me knew she'd done it on purpose.  She'd gotten my attention with the message and knew it would have been the perfect time.  And of course my curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked through the slideshow that was carefully summarized of when and where they were taken, and consisted of more photos of Q with other random women.  A wave of nausea rolled through me and that's when I promptly shut the screen.

Was I jealous?  Sure.  Did I think he meant any harm in the photos that were taken?  No.  While Cam hadn't crossed my mind in months, apparently she still had it out for me and she was trying to get under my skin.  But I wasn't about to let her- not after what Q and I had established before I left New York.  It would still remain casual, nothing serious and definitely have no label, but I wasn't going to just hop into someone else's bed because of the relaxed nature and distance between us.  I could never bring myself to do such a thing so terrible.

When his call didn't come in as planned, I knew something must have come up.  They were on a summer tour with tons of filming mixed into their very sparse free time so I wasn't going to worry too much.  I would be forever grateful for what he offered, whenever he could offer it.  I too had other things to worry about myself.  Work was picking up in the heat of the summer and because it was summertime, Liv dragged me along to her friends various get together's on the water.  Unless you had stellar air conditioning, that was the only way to survive the hottest months of the year.

Saturday rolled around and I still hadn't heard anything, so I opened my computer to see if there was any activity there.  How Cam's photos were still at the top of my Facebook feed annoyed the hell out of me, but I checked my notifications and whatnot to see if there was anything worth looking at.  Nothing.  Rolling onto my back with my phone in hand, I sent him a quick text to let him know I was thinking of him and hoped that everything was going well.  I wouldn't hold my breath for a response just yet, he had way more going on than I could ever imagine.  It was the messenger ding from the laptop that got my attention.

Camille:  I know Q's been MIA this week, but someone sent this to me and I just thought you should see it.

_Why?_

Camille:  It's about you.

My stomach sank when I read her words.  What could she be talking about?  I sat up, situating the computer in front of me as a video came through the little chat box.  Immediately, I pressed play and waited impatiently for it to load.

It started with the roar of laughter I'd become familiar with when I sat in on a recording.  It was the three of them that were there that night with a plus one- someone I didn't recognize.  But he spoke first.

"What about this new country chick Quinn's managed to get into bed?  You guys hear about her yet?" he asked.  The moment I heard his voice, I knew exactly who it was.  He was that vulgar man from Q's old apartment some time ago that I'd overheard.

"Oh yeah.  Tess, right?  Is that the one?" Bryan asked.  Then there was a pause.  "Yeah, he made her sit through the pod last week.  I've met her before.  Sweet gal.  Way out of Quinn's league though," he laughed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Q chimed in lightheartedly.  I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard him, but I still remained anxious to watch the rest of the video.  I had no idea what Cam was trying to get at.

"Q, tell me this.   Why do you bring them here?" Walt asked calmly.   _Okay, ouch._   He'd given me the cold shoulder when I was there and I remember thinking that I couldn't have been the first, so maybe he was just sick of having random women intrude.

"Come  _on_.  There haven't been that many.  They're just friends, what's the big deal?" Q said.

Then, Bryan, Walt and Adam erupted into laughter and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach.  Not because he referred to me as a friend, that was fine, I wanted to know why he was being grilled.

"She's a good, hot lay, I get it, I guess.  But why do you insist on subjecting us to meet all of them and play nice?" Walt asked.

"She's a sweetheart, Walt," Bryan interjected.

"You say that about all of them!" Adam added enthusiastically and I rolled my eyes with disgust.  I had no clue why Q associated himself with someone like that.  Being crass and rude had it's moments, but that guy was taking it to a whole new level.  And I knew it was none of my business and most definitely wasn't supposed to be watching the video, but really?

Walt continued, "is she going to be the one to tame the infamous Q?"

"I sure as fuck hope not.  Q wouldn't be the hustler I know him to be if he let one broad settle him down.  He doesn't have it in him to be monogamous."  It was Adam again, I cringed and gritted my teeth, just wishing I could reach through the screen to ring his neck and tell him shut the hell up.  He didn't know anything about Q and I and for damn sure, he didn't know a thing about me.

But he had the nerve to continue anyway.  "She's another piece of tail, just like the rest of 'em.  Q's the ultimate ladies man, Walt- you know, giving them just the right amount of hope to keep them panties comin' off, even if they're states away.  I don't know how you do it, man.  Especially with this fine ass trim.  I wish I had  _half_  the game you did."

I didn't expect to hear Walt's infectious laughter after such an indecent comment.  Sure, he'd been put off by my presence, but after listening to him the night I was there, I'd come to the conclusion that he was their voice of reason.  I never expected him to badmouth me because he seemed like a decent, level-headed person, but I found myself regretting the fact that I never had the nerve to ask Q about him.  He could have clarified things for me and it would have passed.

And why hadn't Q said anything to defend himself?  Adam could spout off all the nonsense he wanted about me since I knew the truth but I wanted to know what the whole point of the conversation was.  But mostly what Cam thought I should hear.

"What are you, in high school?  It's no  _game_ , Adam, it's called being a man.  Yeah, I've been with my fair share of women and it just becomes second nature.  You gotta know all the right things to say...  The right things to do...  And it keeps them coming back.  What can I say?" Q replied.  The screen went black and choppy for a moment, but the audio continued.

"You can't sit there and tell me you're not hittin' something else on the side.  There's no way."

"Ehh," was all Q replied with.  It was noncommittal and rather cryptic at first, but the more I thought about it, he was giving Adam exactly what he wanted to hear.  Talking himself up to look cool in front of his friends.  That wasn't who he was with me and if a man has to go to those lengths to save face, I knew I could do better than that.  I was nothing to be ashamed of I didn't think nor did I ever think he would insinuate what he was.  I'd done a pretty good job of keeping things low key and the farthest thing from suffocating.

"That's poetic, man."

"I'm not saying I'm gonna turn down any offer should one present itself in the near future or anything.   I mean, we  _are_  thousands of miles apart and I'm only human.  We understand each other like that," Q said.

I scoffed angrily and threw the covers off.  "The hell we do," I mumbled.  That was a lie if I ever heard one and it definitely wasn't what I left New York thinking.  We weren't  _together_  together, I would never ask him for that, but I had enough respect for him that I wasn't going to go off sleeping with other people, just like I'd said a hundred times before and I really hoped that he had thought the same.  I didn't know who he thought he was all of a sudden, especially after everything we had talked about.

"Chicks are lined up around the block just biting at the chance to hop into bed with you, I don't blame ya," Adam laughed.

"She's a cool chick, I like her.  The sex is phenomenal-"

"Ninety-five percent phenomenal?" Bryan chided.

"One-hundred percent," Q laughed.

So, it appeared that I was just a joke to him.  Something he could laugh at and talk about with his friends.  Great.  Fantastic.  Stupid.  I was so stupid to let myself believe he was being true.   _I told you so..._ My conscience reared her head once more and I sat still, letting everything I had just heard permeate.  I shrugged that voice off so many times that I'd hardly heard it anymore.  But then, that morning, I realized I should have listened all along.  I should have gotten out sooner.  I shouldn't have given into that wonderful feeling I had when I was around him.  I knew better.  I fucking knew better and I still went along with it.

When I couldn't listen to the vile words anymore, I clicked out of the rancid media on my screen and put my fingers back to the keyboard.

_Thanks for the info, Cam._

Part of me was glad she sent me the video, but in no way did that put her in my good graces.  I still wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve it and she was probably sitting pretty now that her sneaky plan was put into action, but I'd wait to tell her what I really thought of her.  I had bigger fish to fry and who knows, it might not even be necessary after all said and done.

I grabbed my phone and immediately dialed him.  I didn't give a damn that it was early.  I was more than ready to knock him down a peg or two, then tell him it was over.  He could keep associating himself with his shitty friends and say shitty things about me, but I would no longer have any part in it.  He could go find a new tramp to take to bed, one who'd probably enjoy being talked about like an object- not a human being.  That wasn't going to be me.  No way, no how.  I cursed when it went to voicemail and slammed it back down on the mattress.  The screen went dark and I almost thought of throwing it across the room but what was left of my rational thinking kept me from doing so.  Otherwise I'd be out hundreds of dollars that I stilled owed him.

My nerves settled over the next thirty minutes that I spent packing to head to my hometown- something I needed to do.  I had to get away from that life I'd been living.  My head needed clearing and my thoughts needed order, or else I was going to come off a crazy person if I ever got ahold of him.

The drive was freeing, I rode with the windows down the entire way and even made it quicker than usual.  But that was because I had the pedal to the floor the whole time.  I wished that Q would have just been truly up front with me about how he really felt instead of flat out lying to my face.  I could have handled it.  I'd gotten that far, what was one more reason to quit while I was ahead?

I pulled down my dusty dirt road, stopping in the gravel driveway that led up to my childhood home.  It was an old, white farmhouse sitting on twenty acres surrounded by tall trees that provided enough shade for the heat of the days that passed.  A tire swing hung from the one closest to the wrap around porch and I smiled as I walked by it, stopping for a moment to nudge it.  I had a lot of memories at that house.  Good memories.  Sad memories. But they made me who I was.

"Well, what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" my dad asked as he pushed the screen door open and stepped onto the porch.

"Hi, Daddy," I said quietly.  I walked up the steps to meet him, instantly wrapping my arms around his waist.  I breathed a sigh of relief when his hug surrounded me and the smell of tobacco and mint filled my nose.

"How are ya, darlin'?"

"I'm good.  I just came to see if you needed help with anything 'round here this weekend," I told him, stepping back.  His old ball cap was covered in stains- the same stains it'd had as long as I could remember and his white hair stuck out from beneath.  Much whiter than the last time I'd been home.  His face was tanned from long hours in the sun, too.  When I finished with a good look at him, that alone told me that my priorities were all out of whack.  I'd been so consumed by Q that I had sacrificed time with my family and friends, even though I was home by myself way more than I was ever with him.

"Thought about gettin' started on paintin' the house.  Boone's on his way over."  He motioned for me to take a seat, so I did and he disappeared into the house to get the pitcher of lemonade he always had in the refrigerator.  I sat in silence, looking over the land that surrounded me.  It was wide open and flat, but I remembered all the happy days that I'd spent running through the fields with Liv and my other friends growing up.

The door slammed when he returned and I smiled, taking the glass he offered.  "How ya been, Daddy?"

"Good.  Busy."

"Busy?"

"You know me."

Smiling, I nodded.  "I do."

"What really brings ya here, Tess honey?" he asked as he plopped down beside me in his rocker.

I swallowed my first sip of the tart, refreshing drink.  "I had to get away for a bit.  I'm just...  Stressed."

"Work?"

"Sure," I lied.

He was quiet for a few moments and that told me he knew better.  But I couldn't tell him the real reason.  He didn't need to know the nasty truth I'd found out about just earlier that morning nor the carnal basis of our relationship.

"It wouldn't be over this guy Liv's told me about, would it?"

There it was.  I gritted my teeth before I turned to him.  "What did she tell you?"

"She told me you were happy.  Now, I'm not exactly thrilled that he's a Yankee, darlin', but I was glad to hear you were happy," he said, reaching over to cover my hand with his own.

I laughed with a hint of sarcasm and leaned back in the chair.  "Yeah, well, it's over."

"What happened?"

It took me a few seconds to find the right answer.  "We just didn't...  See eye to eye, I guess.  We wanted different things."

"Did he hurt you, Tess?"

"Nah, Daddy.  I knew what I was getting myself into.  We were never gonna be anything.  Nothin' to worry about," I said as convincingly as I could.

"Why didn't you tell me about him?  Or that you went to New York to see him?"

"It wasn't a big deal."

"For making the trip up there twice already doesn't make it sound like it's not a big deal, darlin'."

"It was two short weekends, Daddy.  Nothin' serious, trust me."

"You know I don't like when you lie to me, Tess."

That got to me.  I stood and walked to the railing, making sure to keep my face hidden from him because I didn't want him knowing how much Q had really affected me.  I was supposed to be my dad's rock.  I was strong for the both of us when it truly mattered and I never wanted him to see me at such a low point in my life.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  And as much as I tried to think of something else, all I saw in my mind were the wonderful moments I'd shared with Q that all led up to that morning.  I felt sick.  Nauseated.

"Then I take it another trip to the city is out of the question?"

His words stopped my head from spinning and slowly, I turned around when I was ready to face him.  "What?"

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes in the wind of change, we find our true direction.

He just stared back at me as if what he had said wasn't of any kind of significance.  Meanwhile, my head had begun to spin again and it felt as if the porch began to close in on me.  In a perfect world, one dilemma at a time would have been more than ideal but since finding out about Q just that morning, it seemed that it indeed was not at all sublime.  And what I was about to hear wasn't going to help make it any better.

"What on earth are you talkin' about, Daddy?"

"Boone  _is_  helping me out this weekend, but the real reason he's coming is you."

"Me?"

"He keeps me in the loop, Tess, since you don't.  He tells me that the other detective's aren't treating you well and I know it's because of me.  I should'a never let you take that job."

My brow pulled together with mass confusion.  "I'm sorry, what?" I asked incredulously.

"It's because of me that your potential is bein' tarnished there.  That ain't fair to you."

"This is nonsense, Daddy.  I'm fine.  Just the low man on the totem pole, like at any other job-"

"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you on all fronts there, darlin'.  You've been there long enough to rightfully earn their respect.  I want great things for you, Tess.  You know that.  But all you're gonna do there is work your ass off only to get stuck in the same spot because of spite and jealousy."

"Nobody's jealous, don't be silly.  And I'm not stuck-"

"Maybe not now, but you will be and you gotta get out of there before that happens.  You're smart, you've worked way too hard to end up like me and New Orleans is and never will be challenging enough for you."  He remained calm and cool in his chair, casually rocking forward and back as if what he was saying wasn't at all devaluing what control I thought I had over my life.

Pacing the porch with my arms tightly crossed over my chest, I did what I could to compose myself.  "What's so bad about ending up like you?"

With an appreciative laugh, he shook his head.  "I love you, but you're not foolin' me with that.  You're one hell of a fine detective, better than I ever was and I couldn't be more proud.  But look at me, Tess.  Since I retired, I just exist out here in the middle of nowhere with nothin' but time on my hands and nothin' to show for it."

"It doesn't have to be like that Daddy and you know it.  There are lots'a pretty ladies out there who'd love a handsome man like you," I said as I stopped with a hint of a smile on my lips.

"Don't go yankin' my chain now.  I'm way too old for that anyways.  And don't think I can't see what you're tryin' to do here, Tess.  We're still talkin' about you," he warned lightheartedly.

Grumbling in defeat, I sat back down beside him.  "New York is absolutely out of the question," I stated firmly.

"You'll change your mind," he replied without missing a beat.  I glanced over at him to see the look I already knew was going to adorn his face- that same smirk I'd just had seconds ago.

"Daddy, if you only knew what happened-" I immediately stopped and clamped my mouth shut, reminding myself that details of that need not be shared.

"Sometimes things don't work out for a reason, Tess, and sometimes they do.  Life has a funny way of teachin' you things whether or not you want to learn 'em.  Whatever this boy did to make you have this sorta reaction to my mentioning of New York was his first, and will be his  _last_  mistake."

That made me grin.  Rhett Hudson didn't mess around when it came to his daughter.  Or Liv even, his second, unofficial daughter.  Growing up, he'd put the fear into many boys that so much as had an inkling to wrong his two lovely ladies.  It was embarrassing for the first few years, but Liv learned quicker than I and I kind of had a feeling that was why she turned out the way she did.  No man would ever treat her wrong, she simply wouldn't allow it.  If only I'd taken that path, I might have come out of my most recent experience with something else to show for it other than how utterly disgusted with myself I was.

"I can always count on you for that," I laughed softly.

"I won't let him keep you from this.  I can't have it.  You'll listen to Boone when he gets here and you'll take the interview, Tess," he replied, standing from his rocker.  I watched him walk down the steps to the yard and had my rebuttal on the tip of my tongue, but when he told me that was all he would talk of it until Boone arrived, I had to respect his wish.

Only when he did pull into the driveway, there was no conversation even remotely close to touching on my father's ambush.  They chatted amongst themselves like the lifelong friends they were, leaving me in angry silence as I painted the trim around the windows of the first story.

It wasn't until I had dinner on the table that it was finally brought up.  Boone thumped a stack of papers in front of me just as I took a bite, so I paused mid-chew to look up at him.  "Here's all you need to know about the position.  The meeting's set for two weeks from Monday and I've already got your shifts covered," he explained, taking the seat next to me.

I set my fork down as bitter irritation filled my eyes.  "Don't you think you two should have consulted with me first?"

"You forget that we know you, Tess," Boone chuckled.

Rolling my eyes, my retort was a sarcastic one.  "Regardless, a little more warning would have been nice."  I resumed my meal and tried to ignore the dead air between us all after that.  My eyes darted to the paperwork to my left more often than I desired and when I was through eating, I hastily cleared my plate.

Part of me knew I had to go, but the other half wanted to defy the both of them.  To show them that I was capable of making a decision like that on my own, but when it came down to it, they knew I wouldn't have, that was why it was being shoved into my lap against what I thought was my better judgement.  They weren't aware of what happened with Q, yet they didn't act bothered with the fact that I was doing whatever possible to try to get them to understand I couldn't possibly go back.  I couldn't very well tell them that the truth of the matter either- that I was terrified to step foot on New York soil again because of a man.  They would not be pleased.

My father brought me the rest of the dishes five minutes later and rested his hand on my shoulder.  "What are ya thinkin', hon'?" he asked.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes.  "I'm overwhelmed, Daddy.  Please understand that.  And please understand that I'm not going to New York, even if I can't tell you why."

When everything hit me all at once, the tears really threatened to spill over.  I turned, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and a glass before stalking to the back porch to wallow in what I had brought upon myself.  I spent a lot of time out there as a kid, especially after my mom died.  Day or night, it had a calming effect over everything going on in my life.  Maybe it was the sound of the few nearby trees swaying in the wind, the crickets when it got dark or the fireflies that lit up the yard during the summer, a feeling of ease always wrapped itself around me when I sat out there.

I couldn't fathom going back up north to the big city.  At least not in the next decade, maybe two.  Not until I was no longer afraid to face my fears.  Afraid to face him most of all because then he would finally be able to see what he had done to me.  Then he would run even farther and faster in the opposite direction.  It would only show him that he had won.  Again.  I was just another conquest.  Another victory for him to tell his friends about and nothing more than that.

When I pulled my knees to my chest, the cheap feeling settled into the pits of my stomach.  I'd managed to avoid it all day, but sitting outside by myself without an ounce of self-worth left, the dark fog rolled on in and made itself right at home.  That was until I saw a pair of headlights turn down the road and pull into the driveway around front.

"Liv," I murmured, raising to my feet.  I walked around the side of the house until I met her in the front yard.

"There you are," she said, almost relieved.

"Where else did you think I'd be?"

"Well, not with Q, obviously.  I saw that video.  That was some vile shit," she replied.  She walked past me onto the front porch to sit down on the swing and I followed.

"Funny how things work out just like ya thought, isn't it?" I laughed with a hint of sarcasm, turning my eyes toward the dark emptiness of the yard.   It grossly resembled the feeling I had in my chest.  Whatever I had left to give had been ripped away from me as I sat in my bed twelve hours earlier.

"I know you can't see it right now, but look at your source, Tess.  It's a fucking ploy to run you off, just like she wants.  Have you talked to him about it?" she asked.

"I called him right after I got done watching it, but he didn't answer...  Big surprise.  I haven't heard from him all week.  Who knows, maybe they're in on it together."

"Oh whatever.  Q's a better person than to do something so-"

"A better person?  Please tell me you're kidding.  Did we not watch the same video?" I scoffed.  My feet carried me to the rail and I leaned against it, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Guys are stupid, Tess.  They're gonna say stupid shit- it's like they can't help it or something.  And yeah, it was pretty extreme, but I don't think he meant any harm."

Her words irritated me ten times worse than nails on a chalkboard so I turned to her with a hard, bitter glare.  "I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for you."

It was her turn to scoff.  Her blonde eyebrows went up and her sapphire stare was just as detrimental as mine.  "Are you serious?"  Not waiting for my answer, she stood and closed the space between us in a fraction of a second.  "Don't you dare even trying to blame this on me.  You never needed approval to make any of the decisions you have.  I didn't force you to talk to him.  You wanted to and you know it.  I just helped get you out of your own goddamn way.  As for all the other times you've seen each other, that was  _all_  on you."

She had a point, although I still felt she  _had_  a part in my talking to him that night at Wiggly's.  "And where do you get off telling my dad about him, huh?  That's none of your goddamn business."

"It slipped out, Tess.  Had I known you've hardly talked to Rhett since you met Q, things might be different.  I'm sorry, I really am."

"Let me guess, you knew about this whole New York thing too."

"Does it matter?  Either way I look at it, you wouldn't even consider going even if this hadn't happened.  You're complacent, Tess.  You're too damn set in your ways and too damn scared to go out of your comfort zone.  I will give you Q though- it was great to see you take a chance like that, but for fuck's sake, this is a great opportunity.  Don't let it go to waste because you're scared of change."

"I must'a missed the memo today," I said snidely and took my seat back on the swing.

"Open your eyes and learn from this, T.  You might surprise yourself," she replied before she disappeared into the house without another word.

I took a few more minutes for myself before I inched my way to the kitchen.  My dad had gotten another bottle of whiskey out and even poured me a refill so I took it and sat at the table.  While the three of them conversed, I remained quiet, running my fingers over the contours of the cell phone that laid in front of me, still with no message or call back from Q.  I took a deep breath and composed a new text to him when I had the liquid courage I thought I needed warming my veins.

_I really thought I saw something more in you before today, but I was wrong and that's... Okay.  I'll be okay.  I know I wasn't supposed to, but I did.  I'm not walking away with nothing despite that- I learned a lot about myself and about life in general since I met you...  Basically that it's okay to be the person you want to be and to always trust your gut.  Which I will continue to do and I'll always have you to thank for it.  So, thanks for everything._

After I hit send, my heart fluttered and I powered it down in an attempt to enjoy the rest of what was left of the evening.

The next morning I laid awake in my bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.  My mind was going over and over the words I'd sent the night before and wondered if I said the right things or if it was just completely asinine of me to begin with.  I knew I had only sent it because of the alcohol in my system, but I'd gone and done it anyway.  I couldn't bear to turn it back on either, afraid of what his reply would be, if there were to be one.  My pessimistic conscience told me that he wouldn't even think twice about my text, but the other part of me thought he might say something like 'please let me explain'.  Angry with myself because of my wishful thinking and because of all the emotions he was able to coerce from me against my own free will, I threw the covers off and went for a shower to clear my head.  But I only thought about him more while I stood under the lukewarm stream of water.  When it went cold, I yelped and hopped out, cursing the fact that my dad still hadn't fixed the water heater since I moved away from home.

He was a simple man and I was slowly beginning to see where he and Boone were coming from.  Kind of.  And Liv had been sort of right too.  I was on autopilot.  Just a zombie who worked day in and day out without even thinking of how boring my life actually was.  Q was the only exciting thing to happen to me in the past five years.  Of course, I couldn't let them know any of that so soon.  I still needed to sit down and review the details before I made any rash decision.  That and my pride wasn't ready to be bruised yet.

Descending the stairs to the kitchen, Liv was at the table with two plates in front of her.  When she opened her mouth the moment she saw me, I held my hand up for her to stop.  "Nope.  Don't even start," I told her, quickly grabbing the one set out for me.

"What I was gonna say was-"

"Did the boys eat?" I interjected.

"Yes."

"Thanks."  I took a sip of my orange juice and slid the Sunday news beside my plate, pretending to ignore her.  She fussed and fidgeted across from me, so when I thought I'd tortured her enough with my silence, I raised my eyes to her antsy stare.  "Fine, what is it?"

Her words came out as if she'd burst.  "Are you at least considering it?"

I shot her a feigned, irritated glare over the rim of my glass, "you just can't leave it alone, can you?"

"No!" she said exasperatedly.  "Don't be a fool."

"Too late," I said with chagrin and a smile as I got up to clear the dishes.

"I didn't mean it in the way you're interpreting it, Tess.  You love him, I'd be upset too.  But you're not a fool because of it."

A dish slipped from my hands when I heard her and crashed into the sink, not before graciously dousing my shirt with soapy water.  I groaned and shook my head.  "I don't love him.  Whatever decision I make about New York has nothing to do with him either," I told her.  But my last sentence was a lie.  I knew it before the words even left my lips.  I didn't love him.  I couldn't.  If I did, I failed at being what he'd told me he wanted in the beginning.

"Okay," she said.  I was shocked.  It wasn't at all the response I thought I'd get from her- not in the least.  Hiding my surprised expression, I finished up and walked outside, figuring the already scorching morning sun would dry my shirt quicker than to change it.

After we called it quits six hours later, Liv and I packed up to head back home.  I had to get ready for work the next day and Liv, well, I didn't know what she was going to do other than hound me until she got the answers she wanted.  I tried not to think of that on the drive, instead I found myself reminiscing over Q, thanks to all the country songs that conveniently played over the air waves.  After about the fifth, I angrily shut the radio off and rode in silence the rest of the journey.

And since I still couldn't find the nerve to turn my phone back on when we did get home, I simply laid it down and decided to quickly rinse the day's sweat off.  Tying my wet curls up afterward, I dressed in some light pajamas and sat down on the bed to moisturize my fresh, sun-kissed skin.  That was when I heard my phone vibrate from where I'd left it on my nightstand.  My heart sank the instant it registered.  I grabbed it, hurriedly swiping the screen open.  I'd missed a call.  From him. Ten minutes prior.  Swallowing hard, I made a mad dash down the stairs in the dark to find Liv.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. -Neale Donald Walsch

I found her in our living room, enthralled with something on the cable.

"Have you been snooping?" I said once I stood in front of her.

She shrugged innocently, keeping her gaze on the television.  "My curiosity got the best of me.  I wanted to see if he made any attempt to talk or if you were just lying to me."

"He did."

She righted herself and looked at me with expectant eyes.  "And?"

"I missed it and he didn't leave a voicemail," I replied with a shaky breath.  Then the text chime went off in my hand.  It fell from my grasp onto the floor and just happened to bounce toward her.  I was really beginning to hate that a piece of technology had the ability to make me so anxious.  On any given day, I could handle myself.  Mostly.  When it came to Q, I was a sorry excuse for a human being.

"You've been going to voicemail all weekend.  Please call me, we need to talk," Liv reiterated, raising her eyes from the screen to focus on me.  But I'd already gone to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.

I knew alcohol was never the answer, but I needed...  Something. I swallowed the first cool sip and closed my eyes, trying to breath through the urge I had to vomit all over the counter.

"You know you have to talk to him," she said once she joined me.

Still with my eyes shut tight, I shook my head.  "I've lost my nerve, Liv," I muttered shamefully.

"It's Q, Tess.  He's seen you naked for Christ's sake."

I did my best to ignore her  _and_  the blush that automatically filled my cheeks.  "I can't."

"Nice goin' with the message you sent him last night.  Although your spelling was a bit creative," she snickered.

"I was intoxicated," I said, giving her an unamused look.  Then I took another gulp of wine.  "I thought I wanted to hear what he had to say, but the more I think about it, I really don't think I do.  I mean, how does one recover from something like that?  I'd be stupid to believe anything else he says."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

I thought for a moment I had an answer, instead it came out a hesitant stammer that made no sense.  "He could...  I mean, I..."  My expression went from formidable to pained and I took a seat to put my head down.

"If he's the guy I think he is, there's more to the story Tess.  There's gotta be.  You can't sit there and tell me you're going to take Cam's word over his, are you?"

I thought about that, then I thought more about him, then I thought even more about the stack of papers next to my spinning head.  I wanted to yell.   I wanted to scream, but most of all I wanted to cry.  Not because of what he'd done per se, but more so of how I was going to handle every single thing that had been thrust into my lap over the course of what was supposed to have been an uneventful, relaxing weekend.  I tried to tell myself that his lies weren't worth any of my tears though, that was the advice I'd use to hold it together.

"No."  It was a simple answer, one that I hoped would get her off my case.  I had bigger fish to fry.  At least that was what I was going to keep telling myself.

"I've got faith in ya, T.  You'll do the right thing.  I know you're stressing right now, but sleep on it.  It was a busy couple days for you," she said just as she briefly rubbed the middle of my back before disappearing to her bedroom.

I breathed a sigh of relief- not because I had it all figured out, but because I was finally alone.  I didn't want everyone else's opinion anymore, I had to get myself together enough to trust my own in order to make the most rational, right decision for me that I could.  Whatever that may be, whenever it was that I figured it out.

It took the rest of that week and then some to cool my head.  The weekend before I was scheduled to leave came in a flash and thankfully it was much quieter than the one almost fourteen days prior.  I shoved Q to the back of my mind in the mean time so I was able to focus my attention to the other dilemma on my hands.  I'd read through the information Boone had gathered for me everyday up until then and each time I did, it became easier for me to imagine actually making the trip up there.  It was in Manhattan, somewhere I'd never been and far enough away from him that I couldn't be bothered with the risk of a run in.  And I'd also made the decision days earlier that I wasn't going to return his text nor his call, I just had to get on with my life whether it be in Louisiana or possibly thirteen-hundred miles north of where I currently sat at the time.

I laughed each instance I actually considered uprooting myself from my home because I wanted to believe it was an outrageous aspiration on their part.  They were absolutely out of their minds to recommend me to a city as big as New York in the first place.  That and I was insane to think I could actually pull it off.  I grew up in Louisiana and knew nothing more.  My daddy and I never traveled anywhere that wasn't more than a couple hour drive.  There were the short jaunts I had taken with Liv which were mostly work related, but never once did the thought of relocating ever cross my mind.

Then my dad drifted through my thoughts with Boone right behind him.  Ultimately, I was flattered that the both of them thought so highly of me, but hell, I was not the person I would have chosen for an opportunity as big as being a detective for the NYPD.  Had Boone not known that I traveled there before, I was almost sure I wouldn't be sitting at my wrought iron patio table thinking about what to pack in my suitcase.

Unable to sleep a wink that Sunday night, I stayed up and organized everything I thought I might need.  The flight was at ten, so I had approximately seven hours until I had to be at the airport.  Liv had been scarce, she'd picked up some extra shifts but deep down, she knew I'd take the interview.  Mostly because she knew my dad.  He had made it quite clear that I was to take the meeting and she knew I was never one to disobey his wishes.  He was all I had left.  Aside from Liv and a few friends from my hometown, he was my only family.  Not that I felt without- I had just the right amount I needed to get me through.

I deeply regretted the lack of sleep the moment I exited the airport in New York.  It was hot, just like Louisiana yet for some reason the sun felt as if it were beating down on me completely on purpose.  The words ' _I'm making a huge mistake_ ' had rattled my brain the entire flight and only added fuel to the fire that swelled in my chest as I stood alone on the sidewalk.  The black t-shirt I wore wasn't helping matters either, but as the minutes passed while I waited to catch a cab, I managed to talk myself out of turning right back around.

Then my eyes landed on the most handsome, six-foot-two piece of man with tawny-hair and a crew cut that I'd ever seen before.  He was leaning against a black sedan in matching slacks and a powder blue dress shirt, holding a sign that simply read ' _Louisiana_ '.  My flip flop clad feet wouldn't move an inch and I was even more stationary- if that were remotely possible when his stare found me.  At least I thought it did, it was hard to tell behind his mirrored aviators.  I watched him lick his lips, then he flashed the sharkiest of grins in my direction.

"You Louisiana?" he called out.

Swallowing, I lazily shrugged my shoulders.  "Depends.  Are you NYPD?"

"You bet your little southern behind I am," he playfully replied.  I relaxed when I heard him, half because I had a ride and half because I could already tell he was going to amuse me.  When I reached him, he'd taken my things and tucked them away before I so much as opened my mouth.

"Uh, thanks."  I studied him as he shut the doors and the trunk until he stood on the opposite side of the car.

"You wanna stand around all day in this heat or do you want to get checked in to your hotel?"

"Hotel, right," I said like the ass I was.  I quickly climbed into my seat, buckled my belt and we were out of the airport in no time.

"Brandon Carver, and you are?"

"Tess Hudson."

With a flick of his finger, he pulled his sunglasses down to reveal his blue eyes to me.  "It's nice to meet you, Tess."

"It's nice to meet you, Brandon," I said softly as I pressed my knees together and fought not to bite my lip.  He was amazingly gorgeous from fifteen feet away and now that I sat right beside him, he was a thousand times more enticing.  He even smelled good.   _Really_  good.

"Cap's told us a lot about you, lady."

"Hopefully nothin' too embarrassing," I replied.  Come to find out a week ago, my father as well as Boone had gone to college with the commanding officer of the Crime Scene Unit right where I was headed and they'd kept in touch over the years.  How convenient for me.

"Nothing but good things, I assure you.  Well, maybe an embarrassing story or two."

Smiling, I stared straight ahead until I had the nerve to look over at him again.  "And what are you, their errand boy?"  I didn't know what had come over me, but the air between us in that car at that specific moment and time was lax and very, very comfortable for some reason.  Maybe it was because I thought there was a slight chance I might not ever see him again, or maybe it was my new hairdo- Liv had made me cut it and forced caramel highlights into it before I left.  Whatever it was, it felt good to be sort of...  Free.  If that's what it was.

"Oh, we've got a regular ol' comedian on our hands now, don't we?" he teased back.

"Hardly," I laughed.  Then I stopped when the only thought that cluttered my brain was Q.   _Dammit, you're going to start this already?_ It hadn't been intentional, I'd been doing really well keeping him out of my head.  I tried to tell myself that I was just tired and that a good nap before the interview would do me some good.  There were a few hours to play with and a cool, clean bed and air conditioning sounded heavenly.

"In all seriousness though, we've been looking for someone for a while.  One of our best forensics guys retired about three months ago and we haven't found a suitable replacement yet."

"People have to be lined up around the block for a job like this.  I don't get it," I said just as we were cut off by the driver beside us.  My hand instantly went to the handle above my head when he slammed on the brakes and I pressed my eyes closed to wait for what was going to happen next.

"Mother fucker," he hissed before the moment of tension subsided.  "Sure, we've had our share of people wanting the job and there have been some that we've considered, but they haven't really clicked, ya know?"

"Sure," I said meekly.  My knuckles were still white until he left the expressway and headed into lower Manhattan.

"You've never been to New York, have you?" he laughed.

I shook my head, deciding to keep that part of my life quiet for the time being.  "And I've certainly not been in a car with you before."

"I would'a remembered something that, Louisiana," he murmured suggestively.  His voice was suave and way too smooth and though he hadn't looked at me when he said it, it was the smirk on his face that made my insides twist into a desirous knot.  It had been a while and it was becoming more and more obvious the longer I let on.  I turned my head away as I gave in and bit down on my lip, knowing damn well it wasn't the best idea to be attracted to someone I could work with.

Then again, I knew I was kidding myself.  I couldn't move to New York.  It wasn't Q holding me back.  It was my dad.  It was Liv.  I couldn't leave them.  I knew they'd be fine without me, but it was me who couldn't leave them.  The longer I sat in that car with Brandon, the more the thought terrified me.

"You okay?" he asked, coming to an abrupt halt that jolted me forward- just what I needed it to tear me from another bout of anxiety that had somehow become a daily occurrence.

"Now that the car is parked, yes," I said with a hint of mild sarcasm.  I climbed out to get a breath of fresh air and grabbed my bags before he could provide any assistance.  He didn't need to get any closer to me than he'd already been or I might just think about doing something I'd regret.

Assuming he sensed my apprehension the more I stood on the concrete in front of the hotel, he nudged my shoulder to break my stupor.  "You trying to figure out how to ask me up to your room, Louisiana?"

"Hey.  Lay off the new girl, would ya?" I said as I gave him a sideways glance, then took off in front of him like I knew what I was doing.  The hotel wasn't nice, it was exceptionally fancy and definitely way more glamorous than anything I'd ever stepped foot into. It wasn't a household name like you saw advertised on TV, it was family owned and  quite obviously, it had an exclusive audience.  Brandon gave me his card so I could call him when I was ready and that was titillating enough to motivate me.  I'd only been in a frayed old pair of shorts and vintage t-shirt so I had to make an impression aside from that one.

The bed in my room was just as I imagined.  Crisp white sheets were hidden beneath the grey comforter and the black leather headboard made the space look sexy.  I couldn't believe that was where they had decided to put me up.  Not that I was going to complain, but for twenty four hours, I figured a room at the nearest Travelodge would have sufficed.  I crawled between the covers after stripping down and found easy slumber for the next two hours with no more disparaging thoughts.

When I woke up, the rest of the afternoon went by in a blur.  Brandon picked me up and took me to the plaza where I followed him like a little puppy dog throughout the building.  The lobby was huge and bustling with officers and employees- some plain clothed like him and I and others in full uniform.  It was way bigger than my office in Louisiana, but I'd learned in my research that One Police Plaza in Manhattan housed multiple departments.  I definitely wouldn't get bored there.  I even had a wave of giddiness wash over me as we finally climbed into the elevator.  I hadn't had that feeling since the last time I'd been, but I pushed any thought of that away and focused on what I was really there for.  Why I had a sudden change of heart was beyond me, but there was no way to ignore it.  I wasn't going to, because I actually,  _surprisingly_ , felt good about something again.

Brandon escorted me into Commanding Officer Marshall's office where we had a nice, long discussion.  When it was through, it hadn't felt like an interview at all.  It just felt...  Right.  Like I belonged there.  There was no talk of Boone or my father, he was simply interested in what I had to offer.  My knowledge, education, attention to detail, and my experience on the job.

Leading me out of the office, he showed me to Brandon's. "You had the pleasure of meeting Detective Carver already, hopefully he treated you well and didn't give you a hard time," he said in a bored tone as he quickly moved onto the brunette in the next office down.

"Hey, Cap," she said with a smile.  Her hair was long, straight and auburn in color and her skin was like porcelain, all of it coming together to compliment her bright green eyes.

"Dennise, this is Detective Hudson with New Orleans P.D. Hudson, meet Dennise," he said with a little more enthusiasm.

I looked at Brandon who seemed rather amused behind us before stepping forward to shake her hand.  "It's so nice to meet you, Dennise.  Please, call me Tess."

"I think Louisiana flows better," Brandon kidded.  That was when Marshall rolled his eyes and stalked off back to his desk, mumbling words of annoyance.

"Give it a rest, Brandon," Dennise quipped as if she were peeved- just like I observed Marshall to be.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Leave her alone."

"He didn't do anything, honest," I tried to tell her as I backed up a foot.

"Oh please.  He's  _always_  doing something.  He just can't help himself," she added.  Crossing her arms over her chest, I watched her ridicule the man beside me with one simple, snarky look.  "You'll get used to it if you stick around here long enough.  His pretty boy charm's only cute for so long, so...  If you can resist it, you'll see him as the irritating brother you never,  _ever_  wanted."

Brandon scoffed at her as if he were offended, then draped his arm over my shoulders.  "Don't listen to her.  She doesn't like fun."

I tried to hide my snicker and thoroughly failed, so I went with it and decided to be a tad playful since it might be the last time I saw the either of them.  "Oh, you two aren't a thing?"

"She wishes," Brandon replied without missing a beat.

And she came back just as quick, "honey, you land no where even remotely near my wishlist.  Unless my wish is a day free of your lame pick-up lines."

"That hurts, Dennise," he said, placing his hand dramatically over his heart.

"And that's my cue to leave.  It was really nice meetin' you two," I said amidst their ongoing banter.

When I walked away from them, Brandon called out and I turned to see him pointing at me.  "Don't make any plans tonight.  We're taking you out, new girl."

I laughed it off and headed out on my way.  I still had the whole afternoon to do as I pleased and hopefully refrain from getting lost.  But then I realized that it wouldn't matter if I did.  I actually didn't care.  I felt at ease, confident enough and ready to take on the world.  I'd never been to Manhattan either, so I was going to take advantage of the opportunity.

After stopping at various street vendors, I found my way back to the hotel and again laid in the unbelievably comfortable bed until I heard anything from Dennise or Brandon.  I secretly hoped he wasn't kidding when he said we'd go out, otherwise I was going to order dessert, some sappy movie on the pay-per-view and bide my time bitterly until my flight left the next day.

A text came through as I was just about to do so, telling me to put something comfortable on and meet him downstairs in ten.  Excitedly, I slipped into a pair of snug jeans and another relaxed t-shirt, making sure my new coif still looked up to par.  I smiled at myself in the mirror because I was finally making progress.  It still felt a bit foreign to be so carefree, but I couldn't stop myself.  I was pleased with what I saw looking back at me too.  My skin gave off a glow and the highlights accentuated the warm color my cheeks donned, so, spritzing some perfume on my wrists, I dashed out the door to find him.

He was leaning against the front desk when I found him, chatting up the gal behind it and I grinned, recalling Dennise's warning earlier.  I couldn't blame him, nor the pretty young woman he had eating out of the palm of his hand.

"You makin' other plans already, Don Juan?" I asked as I approached them.  He'd dressed down too and he was equally delightful as he was earlier in the day.

"Just making new friends," he replied sarcastically and as he turned, his expression suddenly shifted. "Whoa.  You look hot."

Laughing, my eyes fell to the floor.  "Whatever.  Is Dennise joining us?"  The thought of being alone with him, pretty much a stranger, was nerve wracking to say the least.

"She's getting us a table at our favorite bar."  He draped his arm over my shoulders just as he'd done earlier and led me out of the hotel.

The walk was a short one, but it wasn't lacking in the looks we were getting from passersby.  I panicked for a moment, wondering if I had something on my face or if my underwear was hanging out, yet when I glanced up at Brandon beside me, he was as calm and cool as anyone could have been.  So with that, I took a deep breath and held my chin up.  Maybe everyone was seeing what Q had.   _Seriously?  You're thinking of him again while you have this beautiful man right in front of you?_

I knew the little voice in my head was right, so I hurriedly made Q an afterthought.  I was still beneath Brandon's arm as we approached the pub and he guided me inside.  Pulling out my chair, I sat beside Dennise, then I felt his hands on my shoulders when he asked, "whiskey?  Vodka?  Jagermeister?"

"Whiskey sounds perfect," I laughed.  Then I uneasily turned to Dennise.  "I really hope you don't mind me crashing your party tonight."

"Glad you could make it.  How'd the interview go today?" she asked, placing her full attention on me.  I wasn't necessarily the best at making new friends, especially of the female variety.  I'd always found it easier amongst men, though the good looking ones still made me nervous.  My intentions were not to step on any toes or piss anyone off by invading their territory.  I was the stranger, the outsider, not them.

"I think it went as good as it could have," I began.

"I'm sure Brandon told you all the people we've gone through already.  And just when we stopped looking, your name came up," she said in such a way I couldn't read her.

"I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries by being here like this.  I didn't have much of a choice in the matter," I told her and I thanked Brandon for my cocktail as he took the seat next to me.

"Dennise only looks mean.  She's all bark.  Hardly ever bites," he teased.

Without missing a beat, she planted a hard smack to his bicep.  "I do  _not_  look mean," she said exasperatedly.

"Ouch," he pouted, rubbing the sore spot.  "I was just trying to make the new girl feel comfortable.  No need to get so hostile."

Then she looked back to me.  "See what I mean?"

I tried to calm the edgy feeling I had with a laugh, yet it still came out a nervous one.  "I'm startin' to, I think."

"Relax, Louisiana.  I am gonna get serious for a minute though," Brandon started, holding up his finger for Dennise to keep quiet.  "It's gotta be scary to be in a new place with new people, I get it, but from what I've seen and what the cap's told us, I think you'll be a great asset here and anyone who has the ambition and the capability to do what we do and do it well is hard to come by these days.  Don't let Dennise's lack of enthusiasm tell you otherwise."  He ended his statement with a playful wink directed at her.  His honesty and kindness was odd to me since it had hardly been seven hours from our first introduction.  Neither of them were supposed to be nice, at least not in the way they had been.  I wanted something to rub me the wrong way and even though I still wasn't sure about Dennise's reception, something told me I had to give it a chance.

Rolling her eyes, she laughed, "he's such a smug asshole.  I'm sorry if I gave off the bitchy vibe.  I never know with females these days."

"You don't have to wonder about me.  I take my job very seriously and I really try to get along with everyone.  The last thing I wanna do is waltz in and screw up the rapport, honest."   _Where the hell did that come from?  Are you actually leaning toward the job if they give it to you?_

With that, they both grinned at me.  "So, you'll take it?" Brandon asked.

"What?" The blood rushed from my face and my hands tightened around my cocktail.

"The job," they said in unison.

I stared at them, trying like hell to figure out if they were joking or not.  "Shouldn't Commanding Officer Marshall be the one asking?"

"He said it was our call, Louisiana."

My head began to spin and I quickly took a long sip to rationalize what had just been said.  "I...  Um..."

"No pressure, Hudson.  At least think about it.  Brandon's right though, I think you'll do great here," Dennise added with a sincere smile.  No pressure my ass.   I hadn't been expecting that outcome at all.  I was supposed to go home to Louisiana, to Liv, to my dad, with only a story to tell, not with the prospect of a new life.

"Look, she's speechless," Brandon laughed.  My face heated self-consciously and my attempt to shrug off the sudden shock was irritably fleeting.

"I-I am.  I mean, that's really fast.  Shouldn't you do some research?  Or isn't there someone else?" I stammered.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but you're it, kid," he said, tapping his glass to mine.  My gut bloomed with an unfamiliar anxiousness and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was afraid I'd be the one to disappoint them because of my past.  Not that it was anything work related, but I felt it may inhibit my ability to function like a semi-normal human being.  There they were, thinking I was some smart, put together person- a detective for crying out loud all the while really, I was scared, I was hesitant and most of all, I was nothing remotely like what they were looking for.  At least that was the way I saw it.  If I stayed, it would come out and I would hate myself for it.

"Enough with the boring work stuff, where did you go to school, Tess?" was what drew me from my inner, discombobulated and altogether unjustifiable ramblings.  I  _was_  smart, I was just having somewhat of a life altering revelation unbeknownst to them at the small, cramped table.

And dammit, I already liked them ten times more than my colleagues back in New Orleans.  That was saying a lot, well, not that much but Louisiana was my home.  It was what had made me the person I'd become.  I knew I still had a lot of lessons to learn and perhaps New York was going to be the place I would sort my life out.  Then I was reminded that everything happens for a reason.  All of the things that had gone on with Q happened for a reason, I somehow found to courage to go back to New York for a reason, I was sitting in that bar with those wonderful people for a reason and I was beginning to realize that my father's intentions were only in my best interests.  He was my dad, he would never do anything that wouldn't benefit me in some way, even if it meant moving across the country.

When my sheer panic subsided, I did in fact relax and that allowed me to get more acquainted.  And the longer I sat and talked, the more I could picture myself in a new environment, moving on.  Neither of them seemed that different or that scary anymore and we'd shared similar educations that simply occurred in different parts of the country.

When my stint with them was over, I flew home and took some much needed time for myself.  It was necessary in order to sit down and weigh my options.  The risks, the rewards- pretty much how the hell I was going to even think about moving my entire life to New York.  It was a long shot because I had almost convinced myself more than once that it was terrible idea.  I was kind of hoping someone else better qualified than me would show interest in the job so I wouldn't be the one forced to make the decision.

"I'm officially going insane," I muttered to Liv who stood on the opposite side of the island late one night after I'd gotten back.

She laughed and shook her head.  "You're not insane."

"This is going to change everything, Liv."

"Sometimes change is good."

"Can you stop being so nonchalant?  This is serious," I said, my irritation boiling over the top.

"It's only temporary, Tess.  If you don't like it, you can come home.  Simple as that," she replied.

I'd already expressed my apprehensions to Marshall, which thankfully he understood.  He was also kind enough to offer me a two week trial period since I lived so far from New York and arranged a room for me at an extended stay hotel while I took the time to feel everything out.  Being friends with my boss and my father provided me with that leeway and I had some serious groveling to do after being the biggest pain in the ass about it from the beginning.  My start date was in a week and I hadn't done a thing to get ready because I'd begun to drive myself mad over the whole situation.

"That's all fine and dandy, Liv.  But I can't move to New York.  Do you understand how hard this is for me?"

Snickering again, she turned to face me.  "What are you so afraid of?  This is a chance for a clean slate, T.  I'd kill for an opportunity to start fresh."

"Why?  Your life is perfect."

"Ha!" she exclaimed sarcastically.  "My life is far from perfect.   _You're_  the one with the perfect life, ma.   You're beautiful, you have job waiting for you in New York, the undivided attention of a certain Staten Island-er who I assume you're still ignoring..."

"I'm a train wreck, Liv," I groaned as I laid my forehead on the cold counter top.

"Quit being so dramatic.  Nothin's set in stone so don't go getting yourself all worked up.  You said they were nice, right?  And there's a tasty piece of man up there? Huh, huh, huh?"

"Brandon..." I murmured and instantly raised my head up.  "Yes."  My mind drifted to him and his blue eyes and his dreamy smile and his playful sense of humor.

"Easy tiger," she teased, then slid a plate of whatever she'd made over to me.

"I know, but that won't stop be from oogling," I said as to convince her I was over Q.  The dating pool there was sure to be much more broad than Louisiana and I was going to stick with that.  Perhaps Dennise had someone she could introduce me to if we were to become friends.  I was hoping that would be the case since I didn't know another soul in New York.

When the time came for me to depart for fourteen days, Liv had to practically shove me out the door.  My nerves were shot and I knew the first thing on my list when I got where I was going would be to purchase a big bottle of booze.  The hard stuff.  I'd never done something so drastic on my own.  And this time, I was truly alone.  I had Dennise and Brandon waiting for me, but I hardly knew them and I didn't want to come across as if I couldn't do anything for myself.  I needed to man up and be the adult I supposedly was.

That didn't terrify me any less though.  A new state and a new city that was absolutely foreign to me.  What I didn't expect was for Dennise to make me feel so utterly comfortable there that the two weeks went by in a flash and I had not one single doubt left hanging in the wind when Marshall officially offered me the position.  I'd fallen completely in love with every single thing about my time there.  The sporadic texts I was getting from Q hadn't even bothered me anymore.  That was when I knew I had decided my answer.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel. -Johnny Depp

Of course I had to talk it over with Liv first.  Then my dad.  I begged him to come to the house for dinner one night so they could both convince me I was doing the right thing.  I mean, it was a huge decision.  The biggest one I was sure I'd ever have to make.  And one I could have easily talked myself out of if it weren't for them.  They were incredibly supportive and though they both said they'd miss me and I them, they also drove home the fact that I couldn't play it safe anymore.  That wasn't living, Daddy told me.  He wanted me to have a life, a great one at that.  I wouldn't find true happiness in Louisiana.  New York held all of the adventures that were to come along.

With that, I packed up my life, said 'I'll see ya later' and had everything moved into my new brownstone in Brooklyn within a week's time.  Dennise's friend in real estate found me the gorgeous sublet and I would forever be in her debt because of it.  It was in Greenpoint which wasn't a terrible commute to headquarters either.

It had been recently renovated with a new kitchen and the hardwood floors throughout were refinished to a rich, chocolate color.  My initial grace period to really get settled in allowed me to paint the blank canvas that was every single white wall in the place and by the time I was done, my back ached and I didn't want to see or touch another paint roller ever again.

A month into the new job, Dennise and I ducked out for a quick lunch away from the office.  We'd grown closer and it was only her and Brandon who had sanely gotten me through my adjustment period.  She sat across from me at the tiny bistro table on the sidewalk and studied the menu.

"I still can't believe I'm here.  That I'm actually doing this," I laughed softly, browsing the specials for the day.

"You're a hit, Tess.  Are you kidding?  I couldn't imagine a better fit than you," she replied with the utmost sincerity.

Blushing, I shook my head.  "Seriously though, never in a million years did I think I could really pull this off.  I'm kind of a wimp if you haven't noticed."

"Nah.  You're a natural," she said as she smiled at me.  "So, you're pretty much all moved in?"

"For the most part.   I have a few things I'd still like to hang up, but I'll get around to them eventually."   My phone dinged on the table so I picked it up and seeing that it was Q's weekly scheduled text, I quickly dismissed it.  I looked up when Dennise started snickering.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh.  But I've seen you pick up your phone plenty of times and every once in a while, you get this look on your face like you absolutely loathe whatever you're looking at."

"Some guy who can't take a hint," I told her.

"Ex?"

Shrugging, I leaned forward for a sip of my tea.  "I guess you could call it that.  We weren't ever really...   _Together_.  We just...  Well, you know."

"Ah, I totally get ya.  Been there, done that," she said, smoothing out her flawless, auburn hair.

When I realized I hadn't talked about him in over six weeks, I felt the need to confide in her.  "He really got to me.  More than I ever should've allowed.  It was supposed to be casual, but then he'd always say these things that made me think he might want more.  But I was stupid to get involved with him in the first place.  I just...  I couldn't stay away."

"A bad man's hard to stay away from, am I right or am I right?" she laughed.

"One hundred percent," I said as my eyes drifted off to the intersection we sat near.  I had managed to ignore every thought I almost had about him since my coming to New York mainly because I had no one to talk to about it aside from Liv and I didn't want to go down that road.  She would forever tell me that I was being stupid and that I just needed to contact him in order to figure everything out.  But I didn't want to talk to him.  I just wanted him to leave my memory for good.  If he didn't, there was no way I was going to really flourish.  I'd been in denial and hadn't seen anything wrong with it until that moment.

"Well, at least he's in Louisiana.  Plenty of space between you two."

My breath caught in my throat when I heard her and that quickly told her otherwise.

"No?  Where does he live?"

"Last I knew, Staten Island."  It was just above a whisper, but she had to know.  I wanted her to know more than anything because it was slowly eating away at my conscience.

"Get out."

"I wasn't completely honest with you guys back when we first met.  I've been to New York.  Not here specifically, but I visited him a couple times."

"How in the hell did your paths cross?"  She looked completely interested and almost amused but that was okay, I was desperate for a friend.

"I was still a deputy when it happened.  Working the streets during Mardis Gras a year and a half ago, let me tell you what a  _blast_  that was.  Anyway, we were assisting security one night at this popular club when his friend accidentally bashed my head in with a car door."

She was in hysterics by the time I was done telling what I thought to be my boring, painful story.  "Holy shit, that's adorable.  And the rest is history, huh?"

I nodded.  "Unfortunately, yes."

"What happened?  You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm here for you, Tess.  Anytime you need to talk."

Her kindness and concern warmed my heart.  I could trust her.  "Thanks, that means a lot.  It's really not a big deal.  Stupid really.  I just caught him saying some not so nice things about me, so I quit talking to him.  And I fought like hell against my dad about coming up here for the interview because of it.  I really thought I couldn't do it."

She smiled sweetly and nodded in complete understanding.  "Well, I'm really glad you did and I'm sorry about what happened with you two.  We'll find ya someone in no time."

Lunch came and went, right along with the rest of the week.  Dennise and I had made plans for a night on the town and I was headed to her place for a cocktail before going out.  And since I still wasn't accustomed to the fashion in New York, not that I was ever a fashion connoisseur to begin with, she'd offered to let me raid her closet.  It was late summer so it was plenty comfortable outside and I had picked out a pair of dark jeans and a simple black t-shirt.  Liv wouldn't have approved but she'd be proud that I was seeking advice.

Dennise buzzed me in and I climbed the two flights to her apartment where I knocked on the door. She answered in a hurry and it almost seemed as if she were out of breath.  "Hey, come on in.  Make yourself at home."

Laughing, I kicked my flip flops off and followed her to the bedroom that was in disarray.  "Um, is everything okay in here?"

"This guy I dig is supposed to be there tonight and I'm having on heck of a time picking something out that says 'I want you to want me'."

"What's wrong with what you have on?" I asked as I took a seat on her bed.

"This?   _This_  is underwear, Tess," she laughed.

My eyes went wide because I hadn't even realized that indeed what I thought was a tank top was a sleek corset with a daring bra to match.  "Oh."

"I thought of something for you though.  Here, put this on, then this," she said, throwing me a white bandeau top.  The second item was a sequenced, rose gold colored wide neck shirt.

I held them up and chewed on my lip.  "I don't know if this is really me..."

"Tess, you'd look hot in anything.  Trust me, put it on."

I did, because I didn't even have to think twice about slipping into the fancy garments.  I felt a tad self conscious because the outfit didn't permit me to wear a bra, but the top she'd offered seemed to be concealing enough.  I shook out my curls when I had it in place and waited patiently for her opinion.  All I saw were clothes flying through the air from her closet until she came out with another armful of shirts.

"Yes," she said with a nod.  Then she situated the sparkly shirt off one shoulder for me and grinned.  "Holy hell,  _yes_.  I've got the perfect shoes too."

"I've got my flip-"

"Heels, Tess.  That outfit needs heels," she interjected, disappearing again.  She returned with a pair of pumps that matched the sequence on what I already wore.

"Are these insured?" I asked as I sat down to slip them on.  "I don't know if it's such a good idea I wear 'em.  They feel expensive."

"What do you think about this?" she said, doing a little twirl in front of me.  She had jeans on similar to mine but she'd paired them with a pair of knee high black boots and a saucy, short-sleeved black blouse unbuttoned to her breastbone.

"I think whoever this guy is is going to be crazy not to take you home," I laughed, then I stood to get a look at myself in the full length mirror on her closet door.  I actually didn't look half bad, although I knew I'd feel awkward with the shirt hanging off my shoulder like it was even though it was supposed to be that way.

"They can all eat their hearts out tonight," she joked.  I grinned, feeling super appreciative of her taking me under her wing.  She'd done so many things for me already and I had not a clue how I was ever going to repay her.  Ever.

After a few touches of makeup for the both of us, we were finally off.  We took a cab to New York City where the launch party she'd somehow gotten tickets for was being held.  There was quite the line outside, but she surprised me when she went straight to the front and we were immediately granted access.  The venue was huge and glamorous, completely decked out for the event.  Cocktail waitresses walked around in tiny little dresses with their hair done up like they were from the forties and the bartenders were decked out with fedoras and sleek ties.

I grabbed her arm as we entered, confused by what I was seeing.  "What kind of party is this?"

"Some video game launch," she told me, making her way up to the bar.

I had to laugh because I never thought I'd wind up at some nerd-fest that night.  But for Dennise, I'd be her wing woman whenever she asked.  "You play video games?"

"Not usually.  But you'd be surprised who comes to these things," she said and she paused, ordering us a couple drinks.  "More importantly, the man I'm looking for is supposed to be here."

"Is he a friend?" I asked over the music that boomed through the impeccable sound system.

She turned with a fresh cocktail for me and bit her lip.  "I'm not entirely sure I want you to have that low of an opinion of me yet."

"Why?" I laughed.

"I haven't exactly met him.  But, I know he comes to these things and I was just hoping tonight would be the night I actually get up the nerve to talk to him.  You know, as long as he's not surrounded by stupid fangirls."

"He famous or something?" I tried to play it aloof as if I hadn't had first hand experience with someone like that.  Or more importantly, slept with someone of that nature.

"Kind of.  He has his own TV show."

"Say no more," I snickered, mixing my drink before I took the much needed first sip.  It hit a little too close to home for me.  I tried to lose myself in all the kinds around me instead.  Some were dressed normal like Dennise and I, then there were the fanatics who I couldn't even begin to explain but I had to admire their dedication and love for the scene.

The space was pretty dark aside from the sixty inch TVs that lined the walls in the back and the neon lights that synced up with the music playing through the speakers.  We found a booth to occupy and there we shared small talk over the next half hour.  Her eyes constantly scanned the bodies throughout the hall and mine did the same, looking for anything that might catch my attention.  The outfit she lent me was too good to let go to waste, someone other than myself should get to appreciate it.  When I got up to get the next round, I slid in beside a man much taller than I and he graciously made room for me.

"Thank you," I said to him before I told the bartender what I wanted.

"You..." the stranger begin with a coy smile.  I cocked my brow at him and waited for him to finish his sentence.  "You don't look like a gamer."

Laughing, I shook my head.  "Am I that obvious?"

"Little bit.  But I take it your boyfriend is?  That's why you're here, no?"

My jaw dropped just the slightest before my smile took over to match his.   "No, I'm designated wing-woman tonight."  I held up the two glasses I'd ordered between us.

"Well in that case, I'm Liam," he said suavely, resting his lean hip against the bar top.

Of course I blushed.  The six foot something man with black, slicked back hair and gorgeous baby blues was a sight for sore eyes and he was talking to little old me.  "I'm...  I'm Tess."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Tess," he countered, just barely touching the outside of my arm.  I almost shivered, smiled again and made my way back to Dennise.

"Holy shit," I muttered.

Dennise took a brief break from her perusing.  "You okay?"

"I think I just met the next guy I'm gonna sleep with," I said as another heated blush filled my cheeks.

"Oh, do tell," she sang as she raised her eyebrows as well as her drink to mine.

"Tall guy at the bar.  Dark, dark hair.  Resembles a quarterback."

She looked in that direction and grinned.  And just as fast as her grin had appeared, it vanished.  "It's my turn to say holy shit," she uttered.

"What?  Do you finally see who you've been looking for?" I asked.  My eyes followed and I swore for a moment I recognized the man with his back to our table.

"Shit, yes.  Please don't judge me," she begged with her hand on my wrist.

"Judgement free zone.  Promise.  Who is it?"

"Plaid shirt, black pants.  Glasses."

That was enough for me to go on and I found my gaze on who I'd just been looking at.  When he turned and allowed me to see his profile, my face must have gone white.  Of all people I were to see that night, it had to be Sal.  A light sweat doused the back of my neck when I found myself searching for any sign of Q.  He was closest with Sal, so I immediately assumed the worst and figured him to be there too.   I was able to relax a minute later when I hadn't spotted anyone resembling him.

And something unbeknownst to me forced me from my seat.  Dennise looked at me with confusion as I did, so I paused to explain.  "I owe you, remember?"  I squeezed through the crowd to get to Sal and when I finally did, I tapped him on the shoulder.

It took him a moment, but when he realized it was me, his eyebrows shot up and his arms welcomed me into a tight hug.  "Tess!  The odds!  What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with a friend.  How the hell are ya?" I asked, fixing my shirt back to where it belonged.

"I mean what are you doing in New York?"

His serious stare caught me a bit off guard, but I managed to recover.  "I'm working here now.  I got a job with NYPD.  Nothin' too exciting.  Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything.  Wow, I mean, I can't believe this is happening right now.  You know-"

"My friend would  _really_  like to meet you," I said to stop him before he had any chance of bringing Q up.

"Lead the way."

I grabbed his arm and led him toward Dennise who looked absolutely stupefied that I'd actually gotten him to come over.  "Dennise, I'd like you to meet Sal.  Sal, this is Dennise.  She's a detective I work with down in Manhattan."

"It's nice to meet you," he said kindly, reaching for her hand.  When he sat down beside her, I knew that was my cue to leave them alone.  She'd probably have a thousand questions for me later if he didn't spill any secrets in the mean time, but I wanted to give them some privacy while they got acquainted.

As I headed back to the bar to people watch, I collided with the stranger from ten minutes earlier and of course his drink went flying from his hand.  "Shit, I'm so sorry!" I yelped as I tried to catch it but it had already exploded onto the floor in a huge mess.

He laughed and I looked to him only to see his eyes smiling at me.  They sparkled in the ambient light and his million dollar grin was to die for.  "My mother warned me to stay away from women who used that word..."

"I-I'm really sorry.  I'll get you another and I promise to stay at least ten feet away from you after that," I said all very quickly to cover up my sheer embarrassment.

"How would I get to know you then?" he quipped, sliding his hand onto the small of my back.

"I, um, I..."

"C'mon, you can buy me another one," he teased, guiding me back to the bar.

I knew he'd been kidding, but I insisted on replacing the drink annihilated moments before.  "I'm really sorry about-"

"What brings a Louisiana gal up here to New York City?"

I bit my lip unbeknownst to myself and saw his eyes follow.  The thought of his attention on me alone had me squirming on the inside and the fact that he'd recognized my accent was rather impressive.  "I...  I just got a job here."

"Ah, very cool.  Whaddya do?"

"I hope this doesn't change anything, but...  I'm a cop.  A detective, actually."

"Really?  I wouldn't have pegged you one.  Had I known that, I might'a broken a law or two," he said evocatively with a sexy, self-assured wink.  Dark stubble lined his strong, square jaw and his muscular frame towered over mine, completely making me feel minuscule next to him.  He'd gotten my heart racing in a matter of seconds and my palms clammy the next.

I swallowed hard, finding my throat very dry when I did.  "I think you'd have to do a lot more than just a slap on the wrist before I got involved."

The lights went down as he stepped closer and even as handsome as he was, all my brain could focus on was the fact that Sal was just across the floor, probably watching what was unfolding between me and the stranger.  Then he was going to tell Q and I didn't know what to think of that.  When I glanced back at where they sat, it seemed they were in deep conversation which relieved some of my worry.  _Fuck him anyway, Tess.  Focus on this guy, he's your ticket out_.

"What do you do, Liam?" I asked once I decided to just go with it.

"I'm in neurology at New York-Presbyterian," he stated casually, sipping on the fresh cocktail.

Laughing softly, I nodded.  "Of course you are."

"And here you were worried about telling me you were a cop..." he said with the slightest hint that I'd offended him.

"No, I mean, I just... I meant it in the nicest way possible.  I'm sorry, I'm really good at putting my foot in my-"

"I'm joking, Tess," he cut in, again grinning at me.

"Oh," I exhaled as I tried to relax.   So, not only was he drop dead gorgeous, he was a freaking doctor.  "Are you married?"  It came out before I could stop it and my face turned beet red as a result.

He laughed sweetly and shook his head.  "Would a married guy be at a video game launch?"

I shrugged.  "I don't know.  I'm kinda new to all this myself."

"Currently unattached."

Taking a deep breath to clear the mortified blush from my face, I looked right into his sapphire eyes.  "Same here."

"I should be getting back to my friends, but I'd really like to do this again, Tess."

"Yeah, I should get back too," I said softly.  I picked up my drink and smiled, clinking my glass gently to his before I turned to leave.

"That's it?  You're not gonna ask me for my number?" he called out playfully and I stopped.  My body buzzed with excitement and adrenaline because never in my wildest dreams did I'd come across a man- a doctor even, as alluring as he was at a party like that one.  That and I hadn't known that I could ever be attracted to anyone else ever again.  I wasn't necessarily in the market to date, but that didn't mean I couldn't have any fun.  And that man, he looked like a lot of fun.

I spun on my heel and sauntered toward him, grabbing a pen and a cocktail napkin from the bar.  "Ostentatious, are we?" I inquired with a certain friskiness to my voice as I quickly jotted my number down.

He licked his lips which in turn made my thighs tremble as I slid the napkin into his hand.  "I can't help it when I like what I see."

With one more smile, I reluctantly headed back to my table.  Sal gave me an odd look as I sat down across from them and I tried like hell not to let it bother me.  He could go and tell Q all he wanted for all I cared now- I was convinced I was done with him.  I knew I'd find someone better.  Someone who didn't play games.  Someone...  Normal.  Liam might not be anything to last, but I was definitely going to give it a whirl.  He was too delicious not to take a chance.

"Please tell me you got his number, Tess," Dennise begged, reaching across the table to grab my arm.

"I gave him mine, we'll see," I said.  Then I smiled at the both of them.  Sal still had an unsettled look on his face, so I focused solely on him and let my smile fade.  His expression was trying to tell me something and instantly, I felt nothing but guilt settle in my chest.

"Did Tess tell you that we know each other?" Sal asked next.  My mouth fell open and I almost kicked him in the shin beneath the table.

"Get out, no!  What?  Tess!  What the hell?  Why are you holding out on me?" Dennise gasped.

"It got him over here, didn't it?" I laughed.  Then I glanced back at Sal and with a shake of my head, I tried to tell him with that small gesture that I didn't want him saying another word.  It was my business to tell, not his.

"On that note, I'll leave you ladies to it.  Good to see you, Tess.  Nice to meet you, Dennise."  She was beaming and I, well, I was irritated with what had just occurred between us.

"I think I need a shot," she breathed, fanning herself.

"You're not kidding."  As if on cue, a cocktail waitress stopped by with a tray of assorted colorful shots and we quickly bought two.

"How in the hell did you not tell me you knew him?" she asked.

I lifted my bare shoulder in a lazy shrug before throwing the chilled liquor down my throat.  "You remember that sort of ex I was telling you about?"

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this transformation is painful, but you're not falling apart, you're just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful. -William C. Hannan

The normal texts I usually got from Q didn't come in the weeks that followed the night of the video game launch.  That alone told me Sal had gotten to him.  It was somewhat of a relief, but I still felt a bit remorseful for putting on a show like I did knowing damn well he'd find out.  He wasn't there to see it in the flesh so I tried to tell myself that it would lessen the blow and he'd be fine.  He probably didn't even care.  Had he been there though, I wouldn't have talked to Liam in the first place, I would have run away.  That irritated me beyond belief.  He got to do what was right for him and he shouldn't have the ability to stop me from doing the same.  

That thought process had gotten to accept Liam's first offer.  Then came the second date, and a third.  He was fun, he was smart as a whip, had an incredible, rewarding job...  Absolutely heaven on the eyes and surprisingly, we had a lot in common.  Originally from Georgia, he had a similar southern upbringing to my own, however since moving to the city over ten years ago, he'd lost most of his accent.  I could almost hear it whenever he told me something he was passionate about though.  

And with each date, the guilt I'd had about my previous dealings with Q slowly faded away.  Liam was showing me that I indeed had more options out there.  Him being one of them, though that didn't make things any easier.  There was always that gnawing thought in the back of my mind that he was going to lose interest if I wasn't on top of my game, which was something I knew I needed to let go of.  Not every guy I was going to meet was going to be like Q.  Liam was a gentleman.  He was honest, caring and completely understanding of my wishes to take things slow.  My admiration for him grew because he never once questioned me about it.

Our fourth date came in September, just when the nights began to cool off.  We had attended one of his friend's art exhibits in lower Manhattan and everything had gone absolutely perfect.  Perfect enough for a first kiss, I thought to myself as we walked to my stoop.  

His fingers wrapped around mine and he stopped before I was able to head to the door.  "I really, really like you, Tess," he said quietly as his free hand brushed my curls behind one ear.

Blushing, my eyes fell to the concrete.  "I like you too, Liam."  Then, without any hesitation he tipped my chin up, leaning in where I could smell the spice of his cologne, feel the warmth of his skin and the stubble on his face.  That alone sent any fleeting thought of Q out of my head.  His lips slowly touched mine in a gentle manner, not pressing me for anything I wasn't ready to do.  My hands clutched his dress shirt as I quietly snickered and pulled away.

"What?" he laughed.

"I can't believe I made you wait four dates for that," I confessed, closing my eyes as I leaned my forehead against his chest.  I stayed right there for a few moments, telling myself that it was the right thing to do.  I needed him desperately to get over Q.

His arms pulled me close and he rested his chin on top of my head.  "I would have waited for six, seven,  _maybe_...  Only then would I begin to question my methods, Tess," he teased.  Cupping my cheeks next, he pressed his mouth sensually to mine once again.  I melted into him a bit because the feeling of being kissed had gone and made me dizzy.  It had been months since I'd had a man's touch and it felt odd because it wasn't Q's.   _Oh hell, here we go.._.  Then, unknowingly my mind wandered to what Liam would be like if I took him inside.  I could feel his muscle definition beneath the shirt he wore which was also something unfamiliar to me because Q had been softer...  But incredibly strong in all the right places.   _Jesus hell in a hand basket, Tess, knock it off._

"Thank you for tonight," I said to quiet my own thoughts as I put some space between us.  I smiled to convince him my mind wasn't going absolutely haywire and climbed my stairs, turning to give him a wave before letting myself into my home.  I pressed the door shut, leaned against it and let out a long, ragged breath.  My heart was pounding in my chest and my body buzzed with desire and excitement, mostly because a foxy neurologist was after me- Tess Hudson, New York's clumsiest, most befuddled, awkwardly timid detective and I'd just sent him away for the night.  And he was being patient nonetheless.  I must have been out of my damn mind.

My phone went off minutes later in my pocket and I grabbed it to see Liam's name across the screen.  I grinned again and headed upstairs to get ready for bed before sitting down to read it.  He always said the sweetest things.  As I brushed my teeth, it began to ring and I laughed, thinking it was him again getting a little restless without my reply.  My heart quit pounding and it froze, mid-beat the moment I saw that it wasn't.  It wasn't Liam at all.

It simply read that there was an incoming call from Q.  I cursed audibly as I rinsed my mouth, dried my face and stormed into my bedroom.  The radar past lover's had simply astounded me.  Somehow, some way they knew just when you were getting over them, that was when they always made their move.  Forever messing up plans to get on with life.

When it quit ringing, I stared at it long enough to believe he hadn't left a voicemail.  Shimmying out of my clothes, I slid beneath the covers and flipped the TV on.  Then I remember that Liam had sent me a text, so I brought the screen up only to see that there was a voicemail waiting for me after all.  How I'd missed it I didn't know, but it was there.  And I knew I was going to regret opening it, but I couldn't help myself.

"Tess...  It's Brian," he began.  "I know you never want to talk to me again, but...  I have to explain."  It was completely silent in the background and his words were slow, like it almost caused him pain to leave the message.  "Just...  Please, do one thing for me and I'll leave you alone.  For good, I promise.  I know you're in New York, Sal told me and I completely understand why you didn't say anything, but...  Talk to me.  I don't care when or where.  And I know what I said was awful, I just...  Please, Tess."

When it ended, my body was numb.  I couldn't feel a thing aside from the torment raging in my chest.  I'd just said goodnight to an amazing man and without any warning or control whatsoever, my brain had led me right back to Q.  There was no way I could call him back, not in the state I was in, so pulling up a new message, my hands shook uncontrollably.

_If it means you'll stop texting me, fine._

That was all I could say.  There was nothing else I could think of at that moment.  Maybe that made me weak, but after hearing the way he sounded, all of that guilt that I had forced away was back and I knew I wouldn't be able to let it go until I allowed myself some closure.

Q:  I'll meet you anywhere.

_I'm out of coffee, so I'll be at the Beanery in Greenpoint tomorrow morning._

Q:  I'll be there.  I promise.

I was pissed at myself for giving in so easily but it was no longer my mind doing the talking and that led me to one of the longest nights I'd ever suffered through.  I tossed and turned restlessly until about seven a.m. when I finally gave up and headed to the shower.  I stood beneath the stream for a good thirty minutes until my skin was pruned and the supply of hot water was exhausted.  Since I wasn't going out to impress anyone- especially not him, I threw on the v-neck sweatshirt Dennise convinced me to buy, my LSU ball cap to cover the mess that my curls had become and a comfortable pair of tattered jeans.  My Converse awaited me at the door, so I slid into them and grabbed my purse before heading down the street.

The air was cool with a touch of summer still left, yet it didn't stop my southern bones from shivering.  I rounded the corner and each step I took was more nerve wracking than the last, but I continued on my way anyhow.  I had absolutely no idea what to say to him so I figured I'd let him do all the talking, I just had to get it over with.  Obviously I wasn't the one who had done anything wrong other than being dumb enough to fall for his deceitful lies.  Who knew, maybe he would have gotten sick of waiting for me and gone on with his day.  Deep down, I was hoping that to be the case.

The shop was busy as per usual on a Saturday morning and while I stood in line, my eyes stealthily scanned the tables that filled the room.  There was no sign of him whatsoever.  After getting my coffee at the other end of the counter, I took one last look and scoffed at myself.  I was stupid to believe him again, to believe he'd actually show up after everything.  It was just another ruse.  He was probably standing across the street, watching and laughing at me because I had fallen for it again.

Ridiculing my heinous choice over and over, the bells on the glass door jingled above my head and I left.  Humiliated once again.  Only that time was my own doing.  He didn't even have to say anything.  Actions always spoke louder than words, my daddy always said and I suddenly wished that I had woken up in my old bedroom instead of the one in New York.  Back home, I was safe while New York had left me completely vulnerable and exposed to any and everything that could break me apart.

"Tess, wait!" someone shouted from behind me.

My feet stopped me before I even thought to do so and I spun, blindsided by the tears that were threatening to spill over.  When I saw Q at the corner I'd just come from, I took a deep breath in hopes to dry all of the emotion that had somehow crawled to the surface.  He jogged toward me and gently grasped my arms when I was within reach.  Instinctively, I shied away from his touch.

"I didn't think it was really you," he said breathlessly, shoving his hands into his wrinkled jean pockets.

I couldn't bear to look at him so I kept my eyes cast downward and hugged the coffee to my chest.  "Some people keep their word, Q."

"I know,  _I know_ ," he said angrily.  That was the moment I looked at him.  His tone was upsetting, but somehow I knew it wasn't aimed at me.  He ran his hands over his head and gritted his teeth all the while every part of him looked exceedingly haggard.  His beard was unkempt and his hair was rumpled, I could tell even beneath his backward baseball hat.  The rest of his clothes were wrinkled and that most definitely wasn't like him.  Then there were his eyes.  His eyes made me want to hold him and console him because they were the most red and weary I'd ever seen before.  But I knew I couldn't do that.  I had Liam.  I'd moved on.

"What do you want from me?" I asked softly, swallowing back the tears that still hung in the balance.

"Nothing, Tess.  I just want to tell you that I'm sorry," he replied with such utter sincerity that one slipped down my cheek.

"Apology accepted.  Can I go now?"  I fully readied myself to walk, but when he continued, I couldn't leave him standing there.

"Looking back, I can't believe how stupid I was to say those things.  You were nothing but great, Tess, about everything.  About my selfish needs most of all and the fact that you never asked for anything in return," he paused and shook his head, seemingly disappointed in himself, "I didn't deserve it and I panicked when you were brought up.  I didn't realize it then that I cared, so that's why I went extra hard to make it seem like you were just another good time.  I've been this person for so long that I didn't know what I was doing when it came to you.  And this isn't some excuse as much as you might think I'm just trying to cover my ass, it's just the truth."

Laughing, I tried like hell to see right through him and believe him to be the jerk I so badly wanted him to be.  "So, you were just worried what your friends would think?  What a relief," I said and it was so surprisingly caustic that I frightened myself.  And only then did I find the will to move away, but he grabbed me by the arm again and forced me to stay.

"I was, I'm not gonna lie.  The thought absolutely terrified me, Tess.  But it was never my intention to hurt you like that.  What Cam did was uncalled for and I know it's no one's fault but my own that it happened in the first place.  It was all just talk and there's nothing I can do or say to make things better, I just wanted you to know that I was wrong to do it."

I stared at him and God bless it, I believed him.  What had happened was eye opening for me, but I was glad that I found out about it sooner rather than later.  Had things gone on between us longer, I think I would have been even more devastated than I was at that particular point in my life.  I would have moved what I thought to be my happy life to New York in a heartbeat only to have it come crashing down on me when the video surfaced.

"I...  I forgive you, Q.  Thank you for clearing that up," I said honestly.  His hand was still wrapped around my bicep and though I had two layers on, I could still feel his touch as if there were no barrier at all.  And all I wanted to do after he spoke his peace was to steal him away and make love to him as if I didn't have a care in the world, but had to remember that I found someone new.  Someone else who cared for me and I cared about too, enough that I wasn't going to be unfaithful to him that early in our relationship.

That was when he hugged me.  It didn't stop the thoughts of how many other people...  Women specifically, who'd been in his arms since everything had been spoiled though.  He'd said it himself, that if the chance occurred to give to some other girl that he wasn't going to stand by and watch.  But there was no hesitation on my part despite that because my arms wrapped around his waist and my cheek laid flush with his chest.  

"I'm so sorry, Tess," he whispered regrettably and I did all I could not to let my heart break for him.  When I decided enough was enough, I tried to part from the embrace, but he held on a few more lingering, gut-wrenching seconds.  

"Are you okay?  You look like you could use some rest," I said against the warm fabric of his sweatshirt.

He took a deep breath, clearing his throat before finally letting go.  "I'm fine," he replied, running a hand over his scruffy beard.  Then he smiled.  It wasn't convincing, but I let it slide.

"I've got some errands to run, so I have to go," I told him.

"You look beautiful, pretty girl.  I like what you've done with your hair," he said next, slipping his hands back into his pockets.

Blushing and smiling, I shook my head.  "You on the other hand need a cut.  I'd take care of that if I were you."

He laughed, and boy did it feel good to hear him laugh.  "I'll make sure I do."  We stared at one another and I knew neither of us wanted to part ways, but I had to.  I lied when I'd told him I had errands to run, but if I stayed any longer I was going to fall right back into old habits.  I hated when old sayings were true and that one was proving to be no different.

*

Somehow I managed to find the power to leave him on the street corner that day.  It had been three weeks since the happening and his periodic texts had started again but I no longer scowled when they came through, instead I found myself smiling.  He was back on the road again and whenever he heard a good joke, saw a sunset, he made sure show me.  He said the sunsets reminded him of me, more specifically the night we'd taken a ride on his motorcycle and I had begged him to stop.  I knew it was wrong and I was going against everything I'd been saying, but I couldn't ignore it any longer.

That bike ride was the last time I had really been with him and that was over five months ago.  It seemed like it was just yesterday because everything was so familiar, yet it wasn't the case at all.  What we had was over and I was with Liam.  Him and I had kissed, but I managed to limit it to just that.  The first night I'd welcomed him into my home, things did get a little heated between us, but I stopped him because I still wasn't ready to take it to the next level.  That'd happened the week before and he had been nothing but sweet about it, though he told me he always had a hard time keeping his hands to himself.  That was why I had planned to make him dinner later that evening and possibly let my walls down a bit.

As I sat at my desk on my lunch hour, I lost myself in another world with no idea how I'd gotten there.  My thumb swiped through Cam's pictures on Facebook and though I absolutely despised her for being the person she was, she just happened to be the only one with endless pictures of Q that I could look at for days.  Well, that and a Google search, but they were never as good.  It was perturbing that she constantly followed them around the country and I knew I shouldn't have let it bother me, but I didn't like that they let her hang around, especially after throwing Q under the bus like she did.  And sure, she had once told me she was a photographer and she did happen to take great pictures of the guys, but that wasn't her job.  At least I didn't think it was.  Stopping on one that caught my eye, I studied him in mid-laugh with his hand on Sal's shoulder and his head slightly thrown back.  My smile grew the longer I stared because he looked really, really happy and I found myself wondering what it was that had gotten that reaction...  Or who...

It didn't last long because Dennise's fingers snapped in front of my face to rip me from the pleasant day dream.  "Earth to Tess.  You're really starting to confuse me.  I don't know if it's Q or Liam texting you anymore," she teased, plopping down into the computer chair next to me.

"Oh, whatever," I laughed.  Quickly shutting the screen down, I pushed it out of my reach.  She'd been the first person I told about the rendezvous with Q right after it happened so she knew everything.  Well, almost everything but I didn't have to tell her much else because it was pretty obvious I'd forgiven him.

"What's on your mind these days?" she asked as she rested her chin on her knuckles, carefully eyeing me.

"Liam's comin' over later.  I feel like tonight might be the night," I said uneasily.  Then to take the heat off of me, I gathered a pile of files and set them in front of her.  "Can you look these over and see if there's something I'm missing?  I really wanna nail this guy but there's just something simple I have to be overlooking."

"Most definitely.  Sal and I are supposed to hang out tonight.  They just got back into town this afternoon and there's some boxing match on TV he wants to watch," she told me.

My eyebrows went up because Q hadn't told me he was coming home.  Not that it should have mattered since I hardly ever sent a reply and he was no longer any of my concern, I just thought he might have mentioned something.  "Oh yeah?  That should be fun.  My dad used to make me watch 'em whenever a good one was on.  They're pretty intense."

"We'll see.  I've never been into it, but Q's having people over to help chip in for the cost," she stated casually as she rose from her seat.

I stared at her after her remark while my heart began to thud in my ears and a light sweat broke out on the back of my neck.  Swallowing, I pushed my jealousy aside.  "Tell everyone I said hi."

"Will do.  I'll take a look at these on Monday," she said, gathering the files I'd given her.

"Okay, thanks.  Have a good weekend."  I remained in my chair, gripping the arm rests while I tried to remind myself that I shouldn't be thinking so much about Q.  Liam indeed was coming over for dinner and the last thing I wanted to do was be sidetracked by my pining for another man.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she laughed as she made her exit.

When our brief conversation ended, I collected my things and headed home for the evening, not before stopping at the market on my way to pick up a few fresh ingredients.  After changing out of my work clothes, I turned on the stereo receiver and shuffled my playlist.  My home was finally beginning to feel like a home.  It was completely furnished with just about new everything and I'd even found some industrial style sconces like the ones Q had to hang on the sole brick wall in my living room.  I told myself it wasn't because of him, I'd just taken a liking to the design.  It was a silly notion anyway, they were just lights and I was almost sure he would never see them.   _Here we go again..._  

As I finished preparing the hors d'oeurves, my phone danced across the counter with a call from Liam that immediately shut out my annoying conscience.  "Hey," I said with a smile.

"Tess, baby, I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight.  I'm sorry, I just got called in for an emergency surgery," he said and the instant I heard him, I knew he was running to wherever he was needed in the hospital.

"I told you, you don't have to apologize for saving someone's life.  And you don't have to call.  Dinner is the least bit important," I sighed.  Whenever he told me about his work, my heart always hurt for the people having to endure whatever they were going through.  He was the most selfless person I'd ever met and even though he was about to scrub into surgery, he still had the courtesy to let me know what was going on.

" _You're_  important, Tess.  I'd feel awful if I stood you up."

"You're sweet, now go.  Call me tomorrow."

"First thing, baby.  Save me some leftovers."  Then he was gone.  I laughed softly, then turned to look at all the food I had spread across my kitchen.  I might have gone a little overboard, but I couldn't decide on just one thing to make.  Some of the stuff wouldn't be as good the next day, so without thinking, I sent Dennise a text.

_Dinner plans foiled.  Do you guys need food?_

Dennise:  Seriously, do all men think that chips and dip are the only appetizer that exists?

Laughing, I was quick with my reply.

_I have a boat load and I don't want anything to go to waste.  I'll be there in a half hour._

I packed everything I could into the plastic containers I had and stopped at the door when it finally hit me what I was doing.  I hadn't thought it through.  At all.  Liam was supposed to come over and the moment I found out he wasn't, I was running to Q's.  Then my phone went off.  Juggling the stack of Tupperware, I managed to find it and saw a message from Q.

Q:  You're really coming over?

_I've got a ton of food.  Is that okay?_

Q:  Of course.  I can come get you...

_Nonsense.  I'm getting a cab right now._

Well, I wasn't exactly and I knew it was going to a pain in the ass to grab one.  Both Dennise and Brandon had tried to teach me, but I still remained seemingly invisible to every single driver in the city.  But amazingly enough, I was able to lock my door and carefully make it to the corner which was much busier with traffic, that was the first step.  I stuck my arm out when the first drove by, then the second until my neighbor, a little elderly woman laughed, said something in Polish and stepped into the street to hail me a ride.

"Thank you, Mrs. D., you're a lifesaver," I gushed.  She waved me off and I climbed in after setting everything on the seat beside me.

The ride was a bit longer than planned, but it was a Friday night after all.  Unfortunately, that gave me more time to regret the decision I had already gone and made.  After Q sent me his address, the airwaves were silent between us and my mind only went crazier.  I thought of the pictures I looked at earlier and felt my heart skip a beat.  Then I thought that maybe I should just drop the food and run, but I knew Dennise wouldn't let me get away that easily.  She'd told me about his party on purpose.  I just knew it.  Perhaps she wanted to get my wheels turning and maybe Sal had given her some insight on my past with Q.  I didn't know for sure, but I was damn well going to interrogate her at some point.

I thanked the driver when he stopped in front of Q's house and smoothed my plain outfit that I'd forgotten to change before rushing out the door.   _Nice goin', slob_.  I was hoping no one would notice with the excitement of the fight and maybe the mountain of food I was just about to provide them with would be distraction enough.  There wasn't any turning back at that point, so I settled my fair, balanced everything in my arms as I made my way to his front porch where I proceeded to drop everything just as Q opened the door.

"Fuck," I groaned, immediately bending to gather everything into a neat pile.

"I see things haven't changed much," he chuckled as he bent down to help.

"Some call it a gift," I replied nervously.  When our hands touched going for the same container, I quickly retracted and busied myself with another.

"You didn't have to do all this," he said softly, carefully picking everything up for me.

I shrugged, slipping my hands into my back pockets.  "My plans got cancelled and I'd really hate to throw it all out.  Are you sure I'm not intruding?  I know you have company and all."

"No.  I'm glad you came."

Laughing uneasily, I nodded and got the door for him.  People filled his living room and kitchen and I followed, helping him arrange the food on the counter.  I kept quiet, tucking my curls behind my ears as I searched for Dennise.

"Everyone, this is Tess," Q shouted over the noise.  My welcome was warm and the smile on my face was hard to hide when everyone dug in.  Q leaned against his stove with a beer in hand, smiling right back at me.  He mouthed  _thank you_  and I nodded to say it wasn't a problem whatsoever.  I was more than happy to do it.  And I'd almost forgotten that I said I would never face his friends again, but for my sake that night, I didn't see Bryan, Walt or the infamous Adam.  Good thing, otherwise I might have decked him if he were there.  Cam too, I didn't see her annoyingly perfect blonde hair anywhere.

But I did finally locate Dennise.  She was sitting at Q's dining room table where no doubt the first thought I had was that Q and I had gotten a tad carried away there once.  My body heated involuntarily with the memory, but I grabbed a beer and sat down across from her doing everything I could to not think about it.

"Hey, lady," she said with a self-satisfied grin.

"What's that look for?" I laughed.

"Nothin'."  She too laughed but ultimately, I believed her to have ulterior motives.  

With that in mind, I frivolously narrowed my eyes at her.  "You're up to something and I'm not so sure I like it."

"What ever could you be talking about, Tess?" she said just as flippantly, her grin still intact.

Rolling my eyes, I looked away only to find Q's gaze on me.  My breath hitched in my throat and quickly turned back to her.  "I...  I wasn't even thinking when I text you.  Am I horrible person for coming here tonight?"

"In my opinion, no.  You and Q are cordial now, so what's the harm in that?  It's not like it's just you two or anything.  It's a party and I don't think Liam would've wanted you sitting at home just because your plans got cancelled, he seems nice like that," she told me.

I rubbed my forehead, trying to convince myself that what I was doing was all right.  "I guess..." I mumbled haphazardly.  Deep down, I knew it was wrong of me to show up.  Seeing Q again...  It twisted and tied my stomach into knots I was sure wouldn't ever come undone no matter how hard I tried.  And the guilt that I would have the next time I saw Liam, that was going to be awful enough on it's own.

"He doesn't know about Q, does he?"

I shook my head, rolling the bottle between my palms.  Before either of us could say anything else, it was made known that the third round had started on the TV out in the living room.  I hung back because I wasn't in the mood to watch two men pummel each other for sport.  Not that I hadn't watched countless ones before like I'd told Dennise, I just had a feeling that something of that nature might happen in real time if Liam were to find out where I had ended up on the night I planned to sleep with him.  It was like I had no control over it and I was drawn to Q for some reason or another.  Still.  After everything.  Our time together had run it's course and I was just glad to be back on better terms.

Lost in that daydream alone at the table, I felt strong hands on my shoulders behind me.  "Can I get you another?  Or how about some Jameson?  I know you're not a huge beer drinker," Q offered politely.

I smiled, absentmindedly covering one of his hands with mine.  "That sounds great."  But when I did realize what I'd been doing, I quickly pulled back and stood to follow him around the island.  He reached up above his fridge to the liquor cabinet, pulled out the shiny green bottle and grabbed two glasses to throw a couple ice cubes into.

"Holy crap, do you do advertising for them or something?" I said as I gaped at the cupboard full of unopened whiskey bottles.

"Fans are good to us sometimes," he laughed.

"Sheesh, I guess so."  I took the glass after he poured it and brought it to my lips, staring at him over the rim.  I watched the way he moved and it was so seamless and carefree that I found myself aching to be close to him again.  When he was called away, I stayed put against the counter to enjoy the glass of whiskey.  

There was shouting and hollering in the living room and I had to laugh with each outburst as the round passed.  Judging by the sudden uproar a moment later, I assumed it must have been a knock out.  Then the ruckus died down and his guests filtered back into the kitchen for more food, including him who began to tidy up what he could.

"Can I help with anything?"

"Nah, I got it, pretty girl," he said nonchalantly as he shook hands and hugged his buddies.  Then he disappeared outside for a few moments, so I took it upon myself to clean up the mess my food had made on his counter anyway.

That was when Dennise walked back into the kitchen.  "Fight's over.  I rode with Sal and...  He said he's ready to go when I am."

"Okay," I said with a smile.

"Do you...  Want me to hang back until you're ready or..."  She looked at me with a curious, raised eyebrow.

"I was just going to clean my dishes so I could head out myself if things are dying down," I told her.  She still eyed me, so I stopped and gave her the most reassuring look I could.  "I'll be fine.  It won't take me long."

"As long as you're good."

"I'm good.  Honest."

"Because everyone's gone..." she added, hinting at something again.

Laughing, I stopped what I was doing.  "Whatever it is you're trying to get out of me isn't gonna happen.  I'll be done in less than five minutes."

"All right."  She seemed to be happy with herself for whatever reason, but I was sticking true to my word because I knew it'd be treacherous if I hung around any longer.  I was almost sure I could control myself and be sensible, especially after having the inner dialogue I just did at the table.  I said goodnight to her and went back to rinsing out the dishes as quickly as I could.

When I couldn't hear any more commotion outside, I knew everyone must have departed and Q would be back any second.  Hastily, I loaded his dishwasher full and started it for him before I dried my hands to gather my things.  I threw back what was left of my watered down whiskey and froze when I saw him enter the kitchen. 

"You goin' too?" he inquired, keeping his gaze on anything but me.  He sounded rather sad now that it was just him and I- even though I swore I wouldn't be left alone with him again.  Something was telling me to stay and that maybe he wanted to talk.

"I should."  My voice was soft and mild as my eyes followed him and I had to step back when he brushed by to grab the bottle of whiskey.  "I did most of the dishes so you won't have a lot of cleaning up to do in the morning."

"I said you didn't have to do that, Tess.  But thank you," he replied.  He poured himself another that he quickly downed in one gulp before finally turning his attention to me.  One hand gripped the edge of the sink as I stared back at him and in that look alone, my heart fluttered in my chest.

"You been sleepin'?" I asked to get my mind on something else.

"Here and there."  He grabbed my glass without hesitation and filled us both back up.

"Are you okay?"

"Do you like the new job?" he asked, completely dodging my question.

"I...  Love it, actually."

"So, you're happy then?"

"Yeah, I think so.  I mean, I'm still kind of adjusting but it's been good so far."

Hemming and hawing a few long seconds, he began again on a totally different subject.  "I talked to Cam about what happened.  She couldn't give me one good reason why she felt the need to take it upon herself and show you that."

I took a quick sip and shook my head.  "I'll never understand what her problem is with me is, but what's done is done and we're better because of it, aren't we?"

"I guess she got what she wanted," he sighed.

Furrowing my brow, I took a step closer to him.  "What did she want?"

"Nothin'," he chuckled in one very sorry attempt to brush it off.

"Tell me."

"She got you to hate me," he blurted before shooting back the whiskey in his hand.

I laughed the moment I heard him.  "I don't hate you, Brian.  At least not anymore," I said playfully.  

His eyes remained contradictory to my response.  "But the fact that you did at one point makes me so fucking angry," he said irately as he slammed his fist onto the counter.  I jumped with the sudden outburst and backed away from him.

"I never hated you," I began in an unsteady but truthful whisper.  Then I found my backbone.  "Maybe I was disappointed but I never,  _ever_  hated you, Brian.  I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing for me to say."

"That...  That might even be worse," he said in a more controlled, calm manner.  

I laughed again in hopes to ease his sudden rage and put my hand on his arm.  "Hey, look at us now.  You still think she got what she wanted?"

He thought for a moment, completely ignoring the contact between us.  "Yeah, I think she did."  He looked over at me and I swore on my life that I had never seen a man look so vulnerable until that very moment.  And I knew he was about to say something else that was going to demolish all the hard work I'd put in to finally convince myself that I was over him.  "Because I don't have you."

_And there it is.._.  It must have been in the way he said it or the hanging of his head because the next thing I knew, my arms were around his neck and his lips were on mine, kissing me so passionately and so desperately that I was oblivious to any and all else.  His hands hungrily slid to my waist where he lifted me onto the counter, pulling me to the very edge so our bodies were quintessentially aligned.

"Tess," he breathed in the brief second that he paused to put his mouth to my neck.  I let my head fall back and looked at the ceiling through the tears that blurred my vision, yelling in my head for him to stop.  That we shouldn't be doing what we were.  I could have easily let him take me right there on the counter, but Liam flashed through my brain and that's when I abruptly shoved him off.

"I can't do this," I whispered and hopped down to grab my purse.  I left everything else I brought behind and made a mad dash to the front door to let myself out.  And the fact that he didn't come after me told me that he knew it was wrong too.  After composing myself to not sound like a blubbering fool on the phone, I dialed the first cab company I found on the internet and made it to the end of the street to wait.  It didn't take long and as I got into the backseat, I caught a glimpse of Q running to me after all.  But I couldn't go back down that path.  I just couldn't do that to myself again, as much as it killed me to walk away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Difficult doesn't mean impossible.

After safely arriving home the night I threw myself at Q and just as swiftly ripped it away, I knew I had to explain.  It was hard, but I told him I was with someone new and that I had been for a while, that it was my way of starting over.  It was probably for the better that I didn't do it in person too, that way I wouldn't have to see the look on his face.  His appearance was already heartbreaking enough as it was and I was sure I would have handled it way worse than I already had.  I waited over an hour for him to respond but when he didn't, I shut my phone off and fell asleep on my couch.

The buzzer was what woke me from the nightmare I'd been having.  I glanced at the clock on the wall and it read six-fifty-seven, most definitely way too early for a Sunday morning.  Half asleep, my feet shuffled me to the door where I found Liam on my steps.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, your phone was off and I felt really bad about bailing on you last night so I brought breakfast to make it up to you," he replied with his stellar, white smile.  How one person could still look so good after being up all night baffled me.  I smiled to convince him  _and_  myself that I was happy he was there and let him in.  After gorging ourselves on the breakfast sandwiches, I settled back onto the couch with my legs across his lap.  The slow circles he traced over my thighs lulled me back into a light slumber until they disappeared and he pinned me beneath him.

Laughing quietly, my brain was saying go with it while my heart again was screaming over and over that I needed to stop him.  His stubble brushed my jaw, but it was much rougher than Q's and when he kissed me, I could feel it irritating my skin.  His nimble fingers tugged at the drawstring of my pants and brushed the tender skin below my navel, successfully causing my stomach to turn.  He must have noticed because he came to a halt and sat up between my knees.

"W-what's wrong?" I asked, self consciously pulling my shirt back into place.

"You're distracted, Tess," he sighed.  But it wasn't with contempt, he simply sounded frustrated.

"I'm sorry, I didn't sleep well but...  I'm here now," I replied as I leaned up to place my hands on his chest.

"I don't want you to force it, babe.  We shouldn't have to have this conversation and I feel like you're trying way too hard."

The color drained from my face and I shook my head.  "I don't mean to make you feel that way, Liam..." 

"I know you don't.  You have one of the kindest hearts I know, Tess," he paused to kiss the tip of my nose, "and it's okay if you're not into this.  You should've told me."

"But I am.  What do you mean?" I asked rather desperately.

"I can tell when the woman I'm seeing is in love with someone else."  It was a statement made without any bit of hesitation and not an inkling of disappointment on his behalf, which was utterly confusing to me.  Never mind the fact he'd just said I was in love with someone else, I couldn't understand how he remained so calm and unaffected by his observation.  Then I thought, just for a moment that maybe he wasn't into me and this was his way out.

I stared into his deep blue eyes, but I had not a single word to say to him.  No matter what came out, it wouldn't be right anyhow.  He smiled so sweetly at me and kissed the top of my head- something I surely wasn't deserving of and after that, he was gone.  And I didn't do anything to stop him.  I sat in that exact spot for the next half hour, absolutely flabbergasted over what just occurred in my living room.

*

Monday finally had the decency to roll around and I stalked into headquarters resembling a zombie.  For my sake, Dennise held back her snicker until I got to my desk and unpacked myself for the day.  

"You look like you got hit by a truck, Tess.  When's the last time you brushed your hair?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, immediately laying my head down on my arms.

Still laughing, she came over.  "What are you, hungover or something?"

"Liam and I broke up."

That ceased her amusement and she was instantly at my side.  "Oh my God, what happened?  Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  In fact, I'm not even that upset about it," I said as I raised my eyes to her.  "I didn't see it coming, but somehow he knew."

"About Q?" she inquired sympathetically.

"He just said that he knew when the person he was dating was still hung up on someone else.  God, he was so sweet about it all and I'm seriously beginning to think I'm retarded or something."

Her laughter resumed and she squeezed my arm.  "You're not retarded, Tess.  You do have a hell of a lot of self control though, I don't know how you didn't hit that."

"See?  I'm fucking retarded," I declared with a laugh of my own, pointing to myself.

"Stop it.  I have some good news that'll cheer you up," she said as she disappeared to office for a moment.  "I found our missing piece of evidence."

"I kissed Q," I blurted upon her return.

"What?"  Her expression fell and she set the files she fetched on my desk.

"Oh don't play innocent with me, Fuller," I laughed.  The laugh was more to make myself feel better than anything else.  How I'd gone and foiled two relationships in less than twenty-four hours came as no surprise to me, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

"What's up, my beautiful buttercups?" Brandon sang as he arrived with a tray of Starbucks.  Groaning, I laid my head down again.

"It seems our little innocent Tess has gotten herself into a little love triangle," Dennise teased.

With my face still buried, I replied, "you have to have other actual people involved in order to consider it a love triangle."

They both laughed at my expense but I couldn't blame them.  Hell, I would have laughed at me too.  "Oh, come on Louisiana.  It can't be that bad," Brandon said with a shake to my shoulder.

Lifting my head again, I looked at Dennise who was ready with another witty remark.  "I think it's pretty bad.  I mean, look at her hair."

I grabbed whatever I could and threw it at the both of them before I stood up, unable to hold back my smile as I found the bathroom to straighten out my appearance.  After that, it was all business the rest of the week.  We managed to nab our suspect within that span and he was sure to spend a good chunk of his worthless life behind bars for some senseless crimes.  The stupidity of people always never ceased to amaze me.  There is no running from the police no matter what measures taken, you would always get caught and this time was no different.  The guy thought he was so slick and got so caught up in his own inflated ego that he'd gotten messy.  But I liked cleaning up messes.  I thrived on it.  That's why I loved my job and that was what I was solely going to focus on while I got my life back in order.

Saturday afternoon following the arrest, I was home doing my usual routine of laundry and general tidying up.  I didn't have anything else planned, no surprise there, and because of that, more than once I found myself wanting to text Q.  He couldn't have been  _that_  mad at me, not after telling him the reason I left him that night.  Even though there was never a response, I knew he had to understand.  And since Liam had disappeared, I wanted more than ever to reach out to him.  I'd been kidding myself all along by dating someone else, though never would I have admitted that I was hung up on someone else if Liam hadn't pointed it out.  So, I had to be thankful for him.  Of course, I chose not to use the words he did,  _in love_ , because I that still wasn't true.  I wouldn't have it.  If I ever got the chance or rather the nerve to talk to Q again, I wasn't going to go spouting off nonsense like that.  But, had I not had been dating Liam on a semi-regular basis and not had the irritatingly virtuous conscience I did, there was no telling where that night in Q's kitchen would have taken me.

Breaking me out of my silent reverie, my phone danced across the washing machine.

Dennise:  I know it's last minute, but do you have plans tonight?

_Oh Dennise, you should already know the answer to that._

Dennise:  That's it.  You're coming out with me.  Shower and come over so we can pick out something for you to wear.

Groaning, a smile took over my mood and I did as she said.  I washed up and diffused my curls so they fell rather cooperatively past my shoulders.  That was an upside of fall in New York.  There was no humidity in autumn, therefor my hair didn't have a mind of it's own.  The scenery wasn't half bad either.  I tried to convince Liv to come up and visit, but repeatedly she said she'd see me in the spring when I was done hibernating.  I figured I would try harder when the first snow fell.  Her and I had never seen it before in person, so I thought we should experience it together.

An hour later, I was at Dennise's place in Midtown just north of headquarters.  Her hair was done up in curlers when she let me in and I had to laugh because she was in the zone again with clothes and dresses strewn about her apartment.

"So, where are you taking me tonight?  It's not for another video game, is it?  Because I'm not so sure I'm ready for another night like that," I snickered.

"No.  There's a party at this fancy-shmancy restaurant in Staten Island.  Black tie.  But don't worry, I have a dress for every occasion and you'll look perfect in any one of them," she explained, pouring me a glass of wine in her kitchen.

"I guess it's a good thing I did my hair then," I said, following her into her bedroom.  That was where we spent most of our time together.  In fact, I don't think I'd once even sat on her couch.  Good thing she had an enormous king size bed and overstuffed ottoman near her closet.

"Which looks fantastic by the way.  Anywho, while I was waiting, I picked out some options."  She carried over four sleek cocktail dresses and laid them out.  "I know you like black, so I went mainly with that in mind, but I had to throw the red one in there just because."

"It's forty degrees outside, I could wear these on the hottest days of the summer back home," I laughed.

"It was worth a shot," she said with a shrug, going back to her vanity mirror across the room.

"And who's gonna be at this fancy-shmancy party?" I asked as I ran my fingers over the delicate fabric.

"It's a surprise party for one of Sal's friends."

Immediately, my stomach flipped and my eyes shot to her.  "Is Q gonna be there?"

"I don't think so."

My hopes were crushed, but I had to look at the up side.  I'd never really been to a black tie anything and Dennise was going to lend me a sophisticated dress that I could feel good about.  I hardly ever got to wear anything other than pants most of the time, so it might be fun to switch it up a bit.  It also happened to be Saturday and I hadn't been out of my house all week aside from work.  I would tend to the feelings I'd caught for Q later.

"Anything a little less...  Revealing?  I hate to be so picky," I said quietly as I set the fourth dress down.

"Probably.  Gimme a sec."  She disappeared for a few minutes, so I took it upon myself to sneak a look at her makeup counter that resembled one of the big department stores.  There were brushes and palettes and lipsticks scattered about the marble surface, all of which I had no idea what to do with.  The extent of my collection was a tube of mascara that surely had to be out of date.

"Don't fuss over it, Dennise.  I'll man up and try to fit into one of the one's already out."

"Nope.  I got it.  Here, try this one," she said, coming out with a black garment bag.  She hung it on her closet door and unzipped it, revealing to me a knee length black dress with three-quarter sleeves.  "It's super sexy, yet...  Innocent.  Like you, foxy lady."  Pulling it from the hanger, she shoved it into my arms before forcing me into the bathroom.

"I wouldn't use those exact words to describe me," I chuckled.

"Wear it for  _you_ , Tess.  Just put it on.  You might be surprised."

Grumbling, I followed her instruction and slid out of my clothes and into the sleek dress.  The open back swooped dangerously low and was completely open- which was entirely different than the front.  The front was conservative.  In other words, it was me.  The back, well, it was not.

"I can't wear a bra with this."

"No one will know.  Get out here, let me see."

Apprehensively, I cracked the door which was promptly thrown open by her doing.  

"Damn!" she sang, following with a sassy cat call.

I blushed, crossing my arms self-consciously over my chest.  "I don't know.  I feel naked."

"Tess, you look absolutely gorgeous.  I'm not kidding.  That is  _the_ dress."  Then she handed me a pair of black, open-toed heels that clasped around the ankle next.  I fastened them and stood, biting my lip as I awaited her approval again.  But all I heard was her trailing off, muttering something I couldn't make out.

"What?"

"Huh?  Oh, nothing.  That is fucking hot.  Seriously.  Your back is...  Perfect.  Your ass is perfect, please tell me your secret."

"It's called having a slave driver as your best friend," I joked, situating my curls to cover as much skin as I could.  Before setting out, she made me sit down in her makeup chair where she applied light eye shadow and a subtle color to my lips.

We arrived in Staten Island a half hour later and the restaurant was exquisite from what I could tell from the outside.  The siding was beige stucco with arched windows as far as the eye could see.  Black trim accented each one and even framed the door we entered through.  The hostess was kind and welcoming, offering to check our coats once we were inside and Dennise told her who we were meeting so she led us to a private bar to the left that was up a handful of mahogany steps.  

Holding onto the wrought iron rail, I looked out over the restaurant to see every waiter in black from head to toe, aside from their pristine white aprons that matched the table linens.  I was suddenly glad that I had found the nerve the wear the dress she'd insisted on.  In anything else, I would have stuck out like a sore thumb.  When she found Sal, I said a quick hello and decided to let them be the blossoming cute duo they were all by their lonesome.

Not to be mistaken, I was beyond happy for them but at that moment, the last thing I wanted to be was a third wheel.  Instead, I found a seat beside an older couple at the end of the bar where I promptly ordered a double of their best whiskey on the rocks to take the edge off.  As I sipped the smooth caramel liquor, I couldn't help but feel the eyes of my neighbors on me.

"I don't mean to eavesdrop, but that's not the best they have here," the white haired gentleman said.

I looked to around to make sure it was me he was talking to.  "No?"

"Not at all."

"Well, since I'm new in town, what do you suggest?" I replied with a smile.

He called the bartender over and sent my drink back.  "It wasn't a bad choice, but try this.  It'll knock your socks off."

"Good thing I'm not wearin' any socks," I laughed, then I took my first sip.  I closed my eyes when the notes of cherry hit my tongue and finished out smoother than anything else I'd ever tasted.

"The look on your face tells me you know your whiskey," he chuckled, his eyes sparkling from behind his glasses.

"I'm no expert, but that's mighty tasty."  Then, as if they were people I've known my whole life, our conversation stemmed from there.  Though they'd been complete strangers when I walked in, they turned out to be two of the nicest people I'd ever met.  They reminded me of the people back home.  They were personable, humorous and very easy to talk to which was odd for me since chit-chat wasn't one of my better attributes.  Especially with people I didn't know.

I hung back as the unveiling of the surprise was had and as the excitement died down, I began to look for Dennise.  Since my new acquaintances had disappeared to join in the festivities, I was alone at the end of the bar, sipping on my second drink.  At that rate, I was going to be drunk before the party really even got started.  But to my delight, the beautiful, dark haired woman returned amidst my searching.

"Are you waiting on someone, dear?"

I smiled at her and regrettably shook my head.  "Nah.  I kinda had a rough week and a friend of mine was kind enough to drag me out of the house for some fun."  By the time I finished my sentence, the very last person I thought I'd ever see that night walked down the length of the bar and he was headed right toward me.  I stood as my stomach lurched to my throat that had already gone dry with the mere sighting of him.

"Sal said you'd be here, but I had to see for myself," Q said breathlessly as he wrapped me in the tightest of hugs, lifting me off the ground.  

I did all I could to choke back the sob from my chest as I held onto him.  "Dennise is such a liar," I whispered, burying my face into his warm neck.

"Those two are a sneaky pair, are they not?" he laughed and set me back onto my feet.  I nodded, taking a deep, trembling breath.  His fingers smoothed the curls attentively from my forehead and that was when I found my nerve.

"Look, I'm-"

"I just knew this was her the moment I heard her talk, Brian," the woman I had come to know piped up from behind him.

Immediately, I looked to her, perplexed, then back to him.  "Wait.  You guys know each other?"

"Yeah.  Tess, this lovely young lady is my mother."

It took me a moment to process his words, but when they hit, I realized I'd just spent the last hour talking to his parents.  "Oh...  My.  I-I hope I didn't say anything awful and if I did, goodness, I'm so sorry," I stammered apologetically.

She began to laugh and grabbed her son's arm, pressing her cheek to his shoulder.  "She's lovely, Brian.  What you told us doesn't do her any justice.  Tess honey, you are just stunning."

Naturally, a deep blush crept across my face and Q sheepishly grinned, kicking an invisible something with his shoe.  "Ma, please."

"Just wait 'til I tell your father," she said as she turned away to look for him.  I giggled a bit because they sounded just alike with their borough's dialect.  He had her eyes and her dark hair and they shared more than one of the same mannerisms.  I didn't know how I overlooked it.

Meeting his eyes again while he stood with his mother on his arm, my heart was absolutely threatening to burst with delight.  How and why he told his parents about me was a mystery, one that reeled me back in and put me on edge a bit.  While things between us had been good in the beginning, if his mother or father had known the lengths I'd gone to to extricate myself from him without so much as giving him a second thought simply because of a few words spoken between friends, they might not have been so welcoming.  Q had told me he was scared and all I did was doubt him.  I was nothing more than an selfish asshole.

His mother showered me with a few more compliments before disappearing into the crowd to find her husband.  When she was gone, I remained stationary in front of him, working up the courage to try and smooth things over between us.

"I'm really sorry for running out," I began, again self consciously folding my arms over my chest.

"No apology necessary.  C'mon, sit down with me," he said.

I obeyed, sliding into the seat beside him.  "Seeing you again, it was just overwhelming for me and you looked so sad and...  Even though I knew better, I wanted to make it go away," was my first of many confessions.

He spun toward me in his seat and rested an elbow on the bar.  "It was never my intention to make you pity me, Tess.  Sure, I miss you but the last thing I want to do is jeopardize your relationship with someone else."

I took a sip of the bourbon and shook my head.  "That's over with.  We're not seeing each other anymore."

"Because of what happened between us that night?"

"No, I never told him about that."

"Tess..."

"It's okay, really," I said with an unconcerned laugh.  "It's better for everyone that it worked out this way."  I picked at the damp napkin beneath my drink and sighed.  I thought about the frenzied kiss we shared the longer I sat in silence next to him and wanted nothing more than to do it all over again, this time without stopping.  He looked so handsome in his black suit and crisp white shirt and it was obvious to me he'd finally gotten some rest. 

"I never meant for any of this to happen," he said, breaking my wayward train of thought.

"Nobody did.  But life's always full of surprises, isn't it?" I said to lighten the mood.  Then his fingers ever so delicately touched my naked back, sending an unsolicited shiver up my spine.  And after that, his eyes stealthily slid over me from head to toe, nearly causing another visible crack to my composure.  I leaned back in the chair to distract myself from the contact and folded my hands in my lap, but that small shift only gave to him something else to feast on.  My chest began to rise and fall in uneven, nervous breaths that he no doubt took notice of right away.

"You're beautiful," he stated coolly, bringing his drink between us.  

I raised mine up with a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.  "I think you're being summoned, Mr. Quinn," I said as a group of men came toward us.  They were rowdy and fun and I could tell he didn't want to go, but I had to laugh when they pulled him from his chair.

Before they completely stole him away, he walked back to me, bending at the waist so we were eye level.  "This conversation is far from over, pretty girl," he said in such a tone that my thighs spontaneously quivered.

The night drew on and Dennise eventually kept me company until I had my fill of delicious bourbon.  She offered to find Sal and Q and ask them to go for coffee somewhere after, but I politely declined since I knew they were busy taking pictures with a slew of waiters and waitresses that worked at the restaurant.  Plus, I was tired.  That was what I told her anyway.

Q's eyes found me as I gathered my coat at the hostess stand, but all I did was smile and wave before walking out into the cold night air.  That was something about his life I wouldn't meddle with.  Not ever.  I knew it was always a touchy subject when it came to famous people and their acquaintances, at least from my perspective.  They had publicists to handle all of the drama and I certainly didn't want to be the one to cause any.  The last thing I wanted was to end up on the internet somewhere and be the target of someone's hatred just because I happened to be seen with him one night.  I couldn't handle that.  And I didn't need to go pressing him for anything whether it be a simple conversation or anything else for that matter.  I wasn't going to be that girl- I  _wasn't_  that girl.  If it was meant to happen, it would.  I still had a job, I had a couple friends there in the city and I could make a life for myself if I really put my mind to it.

Looking up at the black, starless sky, I wondered if at any moment it would start to snow.  It sure felt cold enough to because my breath floated out into the air before me under the bright street lamps.  There were other patrons around me catching rides like they knew what they were doing and coming to the conclusion that I'd be the laughing stock of the restaurant, I started down the street to find a convenience store and more secluded intersection.  Much to my delight, the store carried the bourbon I fell in love with and I wasn't bothered in the least that it was sixty dollars a bottle.  I quickly shelled out the cash and went on my way.

But I cursed when I felt the first drop land on my head.  Originally, I'd thought it way too cold to rain, then I reminded myself that I was new to the north and I had no idea what to expect of the weather.  It got worse as I tried to hail a cab ride home and before I knew it, my hair was drenched with ice cold rain and they were slowly beginning to work their way through the coat Dennise had lent me.

"Are you insane?" a voice asked from behind.

When I turned and saw Q, I started to laugh.  "I'm beginning to think so."

"Get out of the rain," he demanded all the while he stood dry under the awning of the store I'd just come out of.

"I'm not gonna melt."

"But you'll get sick."

"Oh, come on.  That's just an old wive's tale."

"Let's not press our luck.  Please?"

I couldn't say no when he sounded that way, so I joined him under the small enclosure.  "Your parents are wonderful, Brian."

"They say the same about you."

Laughing again, I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth.  "I highly doubt that."

"I wouldn't lie about something like that."  Taking notice of my shiver, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him.  "Let me take you home."

"You don't have to do this.  Ya know, be so nice to me all the time," I told him.

"And why wouldn't I want to be nice to you?" he asked as he turned me to face him.  For a fleeting moment, I thought he might kiss me but I wasn't one who counted her chickens before they hatched.

Shrugging, I averted my eyes to the shimmery, dark street.  "If this is some way of you making amends with yourself because of what happened, I don't need any special treatment, Brian.  You already said you're sorry and I'm a big girl, I got it the first time."

"So stubborn," he whispered as if he didn't hear my statement.

"It's late and it's cold, you should get home yourself," I said to him next.

Ignoring me again, his warm hands surrounded my frozen cheeks.  "Difficult..."

"Stop it, Brian.  This isn't funny."

"With no sense of humor."

Finally getting enough of my attention, I stopped, narrowed my eyes at him and fought back a smile.  "I do  _too_."  No longer did he appear to be that distraught man that I saw seven nights ago- he had his swagger back.  Maybe it was the suit and tie, hell, maybe he knew I never once stopped yearning for him in the first place.  He was calm, cool and collected...  And sexy...  And maybe he knew damn well I couldn't stay away from him.  But if he took me home, I wouldn't know how to say goodnight to him.  That and I still had no clue what it was he wanted from me anymore.

"It's no trouble at all.  I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to."

"I gotta start blending in with the natives and catch my own cab.  You're sweet though," I interjected lightly, nudging him with my shoulder before I stepped away.  The rain dripping down my legs left goosebumps in it's wake and I shivered again.  I glanced back out at the road to make damn sure it really wasn't snowing, or sleeting, whatever the hell kind of precipitation they had in the fall.

"You're teeth are chattering, Tess.  Come on, I'm parked right around the corner, seriously."

Truth of the matter, I  _was_  frozen.  My hair was drenched and my clothes were soaked through and I knew I wouldn't catch that cab unless I begged someone else to do it for me.  Giving him an uneasy look, I surrendered.  "Okay, fine."

He laughed at my stubborn defeat, shook his head and got set to run.  "Ready?  It's really coming down out there."

"No!  Have you ever run in heels?" I exclaimed before he took off.

"I'm kidding.  I'll go get the car.  You wait here."

I grabbed him before he could go and handed him the bottle of bourbon, using his arm for leverage as I removed the shoes from my feet.  "Hang on."

"Tess, no.  The sidewalk, it's-"

"Don't you go forgettin' where I come from, city boy."  I took my bottle back and tucked it safely beneath my elbow along with the heels.  I could tell he wasn't happy with my decision, but he just had to live with it.  We took off together, running through the large parking lot filled with sloshy puddles until we reached his Jeep.  

There, he opened my door but I grabbed him before he took off to his side.  I looked up at him the best I could in the downpour, sliding my hand beneath his sopping wet jacket as I leaned up on a total unforeseen whim and pressed my lips to his.  He reciprocated much to my liking and surprise and even moved his tongue against mine, triggering the unpredictable fire between us that night.  

I shoved my belongings into the car to free my other arm and I pulled him closer to deepen the heated kiss without a care that it was raining such a cold rain any longer, his touch was enough to warm me to the core for days on end.  Hungry hands enveloped my face and he pushed me against the side of the car, pressing his salacious hips into mine.

When he pulled away, he was breathless and I no longer had a doubt in my mind what I was going to say to him once we got back to my house.  He was coming in with me and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Even if that night allotted me just another taste of him, I was going to eat every bit of it up.  I had to, otherwise it was stupid of me to agree to his offer.  It was obvious his body needed another in order to extinguish the desire created in the middle of that random lot and I was ready and more than willing to do that for him.  Even if it wasn't necessarily me he wanted.  There could have been someone else on his mind for all I knew.

"Take me home," I begged of him as I climbed into the passenger's side.  He shut my door and moved to his, quickly getting out of the rain.  I brought my hands to my mouth to warm them up, all the while smiling at him.  "Goodness, it's a lot colder than I thought."  Then I happened to glance down at the saturated fabric that covered my body and seeing that it didn't leave much to the imagination, I immediately crossed my arms over my chest.

He started the engine, turned the heat on and stared out the windshield before putting the Jeep into gear.  He began to roll from the spot he was parked, only to hit the brakes a second later.  "Wait, Tess, I...  I can't take you home."

My heart sank and stopped beating at the very same second, but I nodded in complete understanding and I wasn't going to push, even after what just happened.  "It's...  That's okay then."  I was at a loss for what I had done to make him change his mind so rapidly and tears of rejection threatened as I wracked my brain for any answer.

"No, it's not that, it's-"

"You look really, really good tonight," was the last thing I said before leaning down to gather my things.  With haste, I moved to get out of his Jeep only to be stopped by his hand that surrounded my wrist.

"I wasn't finished."

I looked to him with wide, worrisome eyes and my chest heaved uncontrollably in terrible fear of what could come out of his mouth next.  "You don't have to explain."

"It's probably one of the worst things for me to say to you right now, but I gotta have you, Tess.  I need you and...  My house is ten minutes, tops.  That's why I don't wanna take you home, I want you to come home with me," he declared vehemently.

And it was so blindingly sincere that I almost couldn't breathe- in fact I had remind myself to.  "I...  I need you, too," I whispered after somehow finding the nerve.  I slid my hand into his when he began to drive and with that, he got us to his quiet neighborhood in just under the ten minutes as promised.  I ran through the rain for the last time that night and wound up in his arms just inside his house.  It still smelled the same as I remembered, just as he did, yet his touch was unfamiliar.  I wanted to believe that I hadn't forgotten it, but almost six months with no physical contact was proving me wrong.  I couldn't complain though, the way his hands reacquainted themselves with my body again felt wondrous.

I stood at the foot of his bed while he peeled the dress away from my skin all the way to my waist, pausing to undo the zipper that would reveal my barely there panties hidden underneath.  "You are so beautiful," he murmured as his mouth claimed my frigid shoulder, pushing the remnants I wore to my ankles.

Hushing him, my eyes fell closed and I leaned back into his damp chest and after pushing my hair aside, he lifted me onto the bed where I crawled backward to the pillows and watched him hurriedly rid himself of his clothes.  Shyly, I pressed my thighs together as I waited patiently for him and when he finally descended upon me, my body welcomed him like no time apart had passed us by at all.  And there would be not another minute to go by that he wasn't losing himself inside of me again.  I cried out with the marvelous intrusion, but the way he whispered into my ear made the discomfort seem as if it never existed.  My body was made for his and it had belonged to him since the moment we met.

"Fuck.  Tess, baby, you are so goddamn perfect," he groaned as he cradled the back of my head in his palm.  I nodded because I couldn't find the words to tell him I thought he was perfect too, instead I matched his slow but greedy thrusts as we sank into the comforter.  He continued to say my name over and over and with each bated breath, he held me closer.  Tighter.

"Brian," I drew out, pressing my head into the pillows behind me.  I held onto him for dear life until he sat up to place his hands on my knees at his waist where he continued to glide forward and back.  His eyes drank me in, his lips were parted in utter fulfillment and his brow was pulled together, all of which told me he was feeling the things I did because I had the same look on my face.  Closing my eyes, I stretched my arms above my head and arched my back, offering him an unfettered view that was for no one other than him.

His strong hands moved to my hips next as he pushed further passed the invisible barrier between us. I wanted to be just as close to him as he was trying to get.  Whimpering again, he held me down and slowed his rhythm even more, growling, "you don't know how long I've waited for this."

But I did because I had to wait just as long.  And I had saved myself for him all those months that'd gone by.  Crazy of me, maybe, but I didn't want our clandestine affair tainted with the thought of another man having what was his.  When his muscles began to shudder and tense, he again laid his chest on top of mine where he buried his face into the crook of my neck.  I held him tighter as his hips became more covetous of my own and hooked my ankle over the back of his thigh to allow him the liberation he sought after.  Whatever that did to change the angle of his infiltration, an inferno erupted that spread through my stomach and all the way to the tips of my toes.  When he took notice of my change in demeanor, he moved just the slightest bit faster to get me to the peak of absolute perfection.

"God, I fucking missed you, Tess."  It was a low, husky rumble, one that reverberated from his chest into mine and my walls bared down on him the closer I got.  How he never failed to provide me with equal pleasure was a gift in itself and deep down I never wanted to let him go.  I didn't know for how long he would be completely mine and that terrified all over again.  It was quickly made an afterthought as he trembled over me, nearing his own release, yet I knew he wouldn't stop until I got to mine first.  My breaths came in short gasps as I tightened, clutching him with all my might until the height of it swelled and I came crashing down around him in wave upon wave upon wave.

He throbbed within me a few more times and my body responded the same as I gently ran my fingers through his wet hair.  I rested my cheek against his ear until he lifted his head to look into my eyes.  "Hi," I murmured.

Smiling lazily, he touched his lips to mine before gently retracting to collapse onto his back beside me.  We laid there together a good ten minutes until the wet chill from the rain had begun to set in again.  He must have sensed it too because before I knew it, we were in his shower to wash the bitterness of impending winter from our skin.

Dry and cozy afterward, he brought two ice filled glasses into the bedroom along with my expensive bottle of bourbon.  "I hope you don't mind," he said as he sat everything down on the nightstand.

I sat in the middle of the bed in a pair of his boxers and an old t-shirt he was kind enough to lend me.  He on the other hand had put on a pair of sweats that hung so deliciously low on his hips that I wasn't sure if he was being mean or if he was just seeing how long I could go without stripping him naked again.  "Not at all."

It was well past two in the morning, yet my body wouldn't give into sleep.  Sprawling out beside me, he handed me the first drink.  "I was engaged once."

I nearly choked on the sip I'd taken.  "You were?"  And suddenly, all I saw were flashes of him spending his life with someone that wasn't me.  Not that we were headed down that road, but I didn't want to think of missing out on something as great as what we were sharing.

"I was.  But...  Seeing how I'm still single and almost forty, that tells you she left me.  For another guy," he continued, seemingly not bothered by the truth of his past.

"Brian, I'm so sorry," I whispered sincerely, tucking a strand of hair affectionately behind his ear.

"It's better it happened, you know?  Looking back, I was a fool.  I was only twenty-five at the time, so I basically would have thrown my whole life away," he told me.  His fingertip traced the rim of his glass and he kept his eyes cast away from me.

"Not necessarily, I mean...  You must have been in love, and that's what you do when you're in love.  You want to make a life with someone," I replied softly.

"After it happened, I swore I'd stay away from anything having to do with it.  I've dated girls, but at the first inclination that they were starting to feel more, I always ended it.  And it just became the routine.  I haven't been the same since it happened."  

The ice in our glasses clinked around in the silence between us and I chewed on the inside of my cheek before figuring out what to say next.  "Maybe it didn't change you, Brian.  Maybe...  Instead it made you who you were meant to be all along."

He smiled and finally looked at me when his hand wrapped around my bare ankle.  "That's the first time I've ever heard it explained like that, Tess.  How'd you get so intuitive?"

Laughing quietly, I shrugged and took another sip.  "There's a lot more to a detective's brain than crime scenes and blood spatter."

Then he went quiet again.  I continued to smooth his hair as it dried and my gaze ran up and down his body that laid next to me, relaxed and comfortable in the conversation we were having.  "And as for Cam..."

My good mood was threatened instantly with the mention of her name, but I kept the disdain to myself.  "Please enlighten me, Brian. Why does she hate me?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be accepted. -Unknown

My question made him laugh while I remained serious about the whole thing.  When he saw that I was, he sobered and began to explain.  "I don't think she hates you, Tess.  Since I met you, maybe I haven't paid as much attention to her as she was used to."

"So she hates me," I reiterated.

He laughed again before he scooted up the bed to lean back against the headboard.  "I've known her since she was fifteen years old.  Her brother and I went into the fire academy together.  They were all each other had and knowing that, Cal, her brother and my best friend at the time, I made a promise to him that I'd look out for her if anything happened to him."

"Judging by the look on your face, I'm guessing something happened to him."  My voice was quiet and sympathetic because only once had I seen a semblance of that same sad expression- the day I was supposed to meet him for coffee.

"We responded to a call one night in this industrial yard, someone called because they thought they smelled smoke and..."  He paused to take a drink and it was obvious that it was a hard story for him to relive.

"You don't have to tell me about it, Brian.  Not if you don't want to."

But he continued despite my remarks.  "I told him to hang back with me, that it wasn't safe yet but the fire marshal was there and he was just itching for a promotion.  Overachieving son of a bitch," he laughed dryly and I smiled, though my heart began to ache for him.  "Calls were coming in over the radio, but it was too late.  There was an explosion and he was gone."

Being the sap that I was, a tear slid down my cheek and I crawled onto his lap to wrap my arms around his neck.  "I'm so sorry."  Not only did I feel horrible for him, but part of me kind of felt bad for Cam.  I knew what it was like to lose family long before you should have to, so I could relate.

His free hand ran soothingly up and down my back as if he wasn't the one who'd just told the sad story.  "That was almost ten years ago.  I helped her out with money until she got on her feet and got a job, she'd already been through college at that point, thank God," he chuckled and I pulled back enough to kiss him tenderly.

"You're a good person to do that for her, Brian.  I had no idea."  I smoothed his hair back again and gave him some space, settling back on the mattress beside him.

"That's not all, Tess," he added and that was the moment my stomach dropped to the soles of my feet.  I kept absolutely silent as I watched him, taking notice that he most definitely didn't want to look at me whenever he decided to continue.  "Things were going great.  People were starting to notice us after we put stuff up on YouTube and then came signing with a TV station for a few episodes.  It was all exciting, it was unreal, so we went out to celebrate."

I swallowed hard because I had an idea where he was going.  I remained calm and nonjudgmental because I didn't want him to feel bad about whatever he was about to tell me.  Everyone had a past, including me.

"Alcohol was flowing and the tension between Cam and I became too much, so I acted on it and..."

"You slept together."

"We agreed to drop it for her brother's sake because it was a one time thing and it was never an issue after that.  Not until-"

"Until I came to New York?" I interjected.  And all of a sudden it was obvious to me what her problem was.  She wanted him all to herself.  She was happy with his lifestyle because she always knew he would never settle down with just one woman.  So, in a sense, he would always be available to her.

"That's when she started to act a little weird.  She'd send me texts in the middle of the night, show up unannounced..."

"Send unpleasant videos to acquaintances of yours?" I said with a cheeky smile and nudge to his leg.

"Yes, that too," he chuckled, sliding his hand apologetically onto my thigh.  I covered it with my own, taking a few moments to think over everything he so willingly was telling me.

"In my opinion, which is from a professional and female standpoint, is that  _she_  never let it go, Brian.  She might'a told you she did, but it seems almost that it meant more to her than she let on."

"It was a stupid mistake on my part.  I was drunk and her brother's probably still rolling over in his grave because of it.  I never should've laid a hand on her," he sighed, obviously disappointed in himself.

"Maybe we should be careful.  People like that tend to be a little unstable, I've seen it first hand.  Maybe we should just keep this...  What happened here tonight to ourselves for a while," I told him, leaning over to refill our cups.  Whatever Cam's twisted obsession with him was, I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of it.  Especially not Q.  I could handle her now that I was readily in New York with unrestricted access to him.  And because of the turmoil we'd gotten through and the discussion we shared that night, I trusted him more than ever.  I felt he might have trusted me, too.

He was quiet after that, but it seemed mutually comfortable.  It was a lot of information for me to process yet I wouldn't have wished for anything else.  It was four by the time we fell asleep and I didn't open my eyes until what I imagined was the afternoon sun wafting into his navy blue bedroom.  When I looked at my phone, it was two in the afternoon and he'd long since gotten up.  I stretched happily beneath the covers before I pulled myself from their warmth and walked to his kitchen where I found a note scrawled out on an old receipt.

_Had to run to Jersey and I couldn't bear to wake you.  I'll be back around five.  Don't leave._

Grinning, I made a new pot of coffee and settled in on his luscious couch with a fresh cup.  I grabbed my phone to let Liv in on all the new happenings which turned into an hour long text conversation and her agreeing to visit in the upcoming weeks.  I was dying to show her my new place and to introduce her to Brandon and Dennise who I'd come to absolutely adore since the move.  That and I desperately needed a taste of home.  Since my dad would be even harder to convince to make a trip up to see me, I knew once Liv and I got together we'd come up with a plan to get him to New York.  It was his idea after all.

When Q got home from recording I assumed, he'd brought dinner which ended up getting cold on the kitchen counter due to the carnal, impatient desire we had for one another.  Didn't bother me any, I always thought Chinese food was better that way.  And even better when Brian Quinn was sitting across from me half naked with a set of chopsticks in hand.

I spent Sunday night with him too, regrettably crawling from his arms at the ass crack of dawn so I could get to work on time.  I kissed him again and again before I found the will to leave him where he laid still half asleep in his bed.  I called for a cab and in the mean time I made him some coffee before heading outside to wait.  The driver I had the last time I left his house stopped in the street and I waved sheepishly, jogging to the car barefoot in a pair of Q's pajama pants and a sweatshirt that was two sizes too big.

"You make up with your boyfriend, no?" my amusing Indian chauffeur asked once I climbed in.

"He's not my boyfriend, but yes.  Things are good," I laughed, holding my purse tightly to my lap.

He left it alone for the rest of the ride back to Brooklyn, yet I found myself smiling and rolling my eyes at him each time he looked at me in the rear view mirror.  He gave me his personal card before I left him and told me any time I needed a ride to give him a call.  Thanking him kindly, I left him a hefty tip and ran up my steps to get ready for work.

*

Two weeks later, Liv's flight was due in any minute.  I sat in a chair at JFK with my knees uncontrollably bouncing up and down with my hands clasped between.  I hadn't seen her since the day I left Louisiana and I was dying for some best friend time.  Not that Dennise hadn't gotten me through, she was amazing, I just missed the hell out of Liv.  When I heard her boisterous, Cajun voice echo off the walls around me, I was instantly on my feet, waiting for the moment I could hug her.

"Well slap my ass and call me Shirley, look what New York's done to you!" she sang as she dropped her things and wrapped her arms around my waist.

Laughing and nearly crying at the same time, I hugged her so tight that she said her head might pop off.  "I'm so glad you decided to come."

"I figured if I can survive thirty summers in New Orleans, I could live through a few days of freezing temperatures for my best friend," she said happily, bending to retrieve her suitcase and carry-on.  "So where we goin'?  What are we doin'?  Can I be an annoying tourist already?"

"Whatever they served you on your flight, I need some," I laughed.  I hooked my arm over her shoulders while she put hers around my waist as we exited the terminal.  The wind was blustery that day, indeed telling me that winter was closer than ever.  I wore the leather jacket Q bought me my first visit and I honestly couldn't remember a day in the past month I'd gone without it.  It was warm and it was...  Him.  I hated to be that girl so into a guy, but I couldn't help it.  Now that Liv was in town, I figured it would give me a reason to take a break from him for a little bit.  We both needed to breathe, not that we were sick of each other, but I needed to get out and do things on my own besides going to work.

The cab took us to my place in Brooklyn first which Liv fawned over for more than a half hour, telling me she couldn't believe I'd gotten a place so quick and so nice.  Then I took her to Manhattan where she completely made an ass of herself for no one else's amusement but her own.  She didn't care what other people thought.  Never did.  Maybe it was because she knew she was beautiful and she was more confident in that than I would ever be.  I had to admire her for the person she was and I would forever be indebted to her for sticking with me all those years growing up.  She didn't have to, she could have gone on and become friends with the cool kids because they were so desperate for her attention, but she stood by my side from kindergarten all the way to graduation.  She said we would have plenty of fun on our own and that we didn't need to succumb to the politics of high school social classes.  It was for the birds, she'd always say.  And my mom always used to say that, too.  Maybe that's where she picked it up.  I wasn't too sure because we were only seven when she passed away.

The next day however, she dragged me to Central Park and insisted on a run because she said she had always wanted to do it.  I'd stopped in a few times, but it most certainly wasn't to go for a jog.  I hadn't so much as lifted a weight since I left and it was proving true because at the end of the second mile, I could barely keep up.

"You're tryin' to kill me, Liv," I panted, stopping to place my hands on my knees.

"Q's gotta up his game.  Maybe he should let you do all the work in the bedroom once in a while," she teased as she walked back to where I stood.  I waved her off with my middle finger and straightened my posture when the cramp subsided.

"He wants to take us out to dinner tonight."  I walked in a small circle, staring up at the deceitful, clear blue sky.  By the looks of it, it should have been eighty degrees.  But the seasons had changed and it was November, just barely above freezing.

"That's awfully nice of him.  Things are still going well then?" she asked.

I nodded, starting a slow walk down the bike path.  "Of course."

"And he still hasn't talked to Cam?"

"Not that I know of.  I told him we need to be careful."

"As you should.  She's a psychopath."

Laughing, I shook my head.  "I wouldn't say she's a psychopath, she's just weirdly in love with him."

"If you're in love with someone, you tell them you're in love with them.  You don't go running around behind their back doing shady, shitty things.  That's grounds for being considered a psychopath."

We rounded a turn that provided us with a beautiful view of Central Park Lake where I stopped, hanging my fingers through the chain link fence.  "I think you mean sociopath.  That I could get on board with."

"Whatever kind of - _path_  she is doesn't make her any less crazy.  I know you told him to be careful, but what about you?  What happens when she finds out you two are shagging again?  Huh?" she asked, mirroring my stance.

" _If_  she finds out, so what?  I think I can manage it.  And now that Q understands that she's got some warped fixation on him, I have him to back me up," I stated as if it were that simple.  I could only hope it would stay that way.

"Well, I hope for your sake that you're right.  C'mon, you got one more in ya?" she asked, seemingly dropping the subject.  Groaning inwardly, I fixed the headband I wore back over my ears and took off behind her.

Four hours later we were freshly showered and warm again, sharing a cup of hot cocoa before going back out into the cold.  Brandon and Dennise had agreed to it also, making me a little more giddy about the evening ahead.  Q hadn't met either of them and Liv, well, I just knew Brandon would be right up her alley.  He was incredibly hilarious, playful and rather easy on the eyes.  Plus, he'd become a good friend and that was more than okay in my book.  He no doubt had my blessing, not that I would expect Liv would wait for it anyhow.

The cherry red Jeep pulled up to my stoop not soon after we put the finishing touches on our outfits.  I still didn't have an extensive winter wardrobe quite yet so I slid into a pair of jeans that matched the black leather jacket I wanted to wear and a grey, unfastened Henley to wear underneath.

"You girls smell amazing," he laughed once we climbed inside.  Liv kissed him on the cheek in passing and I settled into the passenger's seat, sliding my hands onto his thigh.

"Feed me.  Go, go, go!" Liv quipped happily.  "How are you, BQ?"

"Fantastic," he said as he snuck a look to me then to her in the rear view before taking off.  I was beaming in comfortable silence while Liv proceeded to talk our ears off on the ride to the restaurant that awaited us on the shore of the East River.  It was Dennise's suggestion and since she knew way more than I did, I couldn't say anything to disbar it.

And when we arrived, both colleagues were already waiting for us outside.  I said hello before turning to introduce the crew I myself had brought along.  Watching Q and Brandon shake hands put me on whole different level.  Liv squeezed my arm when everything started to unfold and I soon found Dennise at my side too.

"Should we eat?" I asked once everyone was casually acquainted.  The response was unanimous and we headed inside to be seated at our table in the back near the row of large windows overlooking the river.  A fire place crackled next to where we sat where Liv and I naturally took the chairs closest.

Q had kept his distance in public for the most part since I'd told him my feelings about Cam and that night was no different.  Not that I thought she was dangerous in any regard, I simply didn't want to give her any more reason for another go at me.  I knew it'd be better off that way and hopefully one day down the road, she would find something better to do.  She was older than me by a few years and I hoped that a woman in her mid-thirties wouldn't find the need to harass others such as myself.  Or Q for that matter.  I mean...  I wanted to believe that she had to have a life of her own to live.

After the spectacular meal, we continued to talk over a bottle of pricey dessert wine.  I swirled the rich flavors around in my mouth before popping in a piece of dark chocolate that paired astoundingly well with it, come to find out.  Liv was in the middle of a debate with Q and Brandon whom of course she was showing off for when an ugly voice from the past sounded through the quiet restaurant.

"Well, well, well..." Cam said as she boldly sidled up at the end of our table.  Any and all conversation halted and five sets of eyes stared curiously back at her.

"Cam," Q sighed.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your new friends, Q?"

Deciding that I wanted to remain civil, I smiled in her general direction.  "Brandon and Dennise are two detectives I have the pleasure of working with.  This is Camille, an old friend of Q's," I said.

Liv was huffing and puffing quietly beside me, no doubt trying to bite her tongue.  "Who's leaving, hopefully," she muttered.

"Hmm, the force has good taste I see, hiring someone as handsome as you," Cam said flirtatiously, sliding her hand onto Brandon's forearm.  He ate into it like the philanderer he was and I rolled my eyes.  Liv on the other hand, she must have kicked him beneath the table because he winced and backed off.

"Ouch, what?" he hissed, bending to rub his leg.

I held back my laughter, reaching forward for my glass of wine and when I brought it to my lips, Q's hand slid to the back of my chair and he scooted a few inches closer to me.  I sensed Cam's disdain with the gesture and when I looked to her, I was unsettled to say the least.  I shifted to act as if there was nothing to see but I knew she wasn't through just yet.

"I don't know about y'all, but I need to walk this dinner off.  Who's comin' with me?" Liv chirped, raising from her seat.  I followed and when Q tried to help me with my coat, I snatched it from him to pull it on myself.  Grabbing my bag, I moved to the opposite side of the table near Brandon and Dennise who were undoubtedly tense, even they had no clue what could happen in the moments that lie ahead.  I hoped for nothing, seeing how the last thing I wanted was to cause a scene.  How she had conveniently been in the same place at the same time was a bit off-putting as well.  I didn't know if it was coincidence or if she'd followed us, followed Q...  Something about it was just...  Odd.  And it didn't sit well.

Outside, the bitter air stung my warm cheeks but in a way, it felt good.  It soothed my nerves a bit and aided me in thinking of a way to diffuse the situation before it got any more awkward.  Liv, Dennise and Brandon stood in a circle chatting while Q seemed a bit upset that I had given him the cold shoulder.  I couldn't let it bother me then because the last thing I wanted to do was give Cam more ammunition.  

The door whooshed open seconds later and she stood before us again, eyeing Q like he was a piece of meat.  "I don't like that you've been ignoring me, Q.  And for what, this little tart?"

"Cam, just let it go.  It's none of your concern," Q replied unsympathetically, swiping a bored hand over his beard.  Her name calling didn't bother me, I'd been referred to much worse long before she ever came along.  I met Liv's eyes and she mouthed  _what the fuck_  which in turn I shrugged.

She flipped her long, blonde hair back suggestively as she innocently batted her eyelashes at him.  "Oh, but it is, Q.  She reminds me of someone.  I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but there's definitely something familiar about her," she told him and pondered her thoughts.

"Goodnight, Cam," Q said in a calm, though irritated manner.

"Nice to see ya again, Cam," I said politely and moved toward my group of friends.

"You're so cute, Tess.  You know, pretending that he hasn't gotten back into your pants.  You think you can hide that from me?  You must be out of your mind," she spat next which caused me to stop and spin on my heel.  

Q grabbed for my arm but I took two steps closer to her.  "Look, I'm trying really hard to-"

"Don't say anything else, Tess.  It's what she wants," Q interjected, finally grabbing hold of me.

Cam gasped in realization as a grin spread across her lips.  "Oh my God, I've got it!  Your ex-fiance, that's who it is!"

My expression fell the second I heard her and I roughly pulled my arm from Q's grasp.  I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my mind even though I knew better, but she'd taken things way too far and Liv was already on it.

She charged Cam in three short strides.  "Excuse me?  What did you just say?"

"Q was engaged once," Cam began as her smile faded.

"I got that part, Captain Obvious.  Don't you have anything better to do than to harass my friends here?" Liv asked, standing nearly nose to nose with her.

"I'm looking out for  _my_  friend, you crazy broad.  Get out of my face," Cam shot back.  She tried to move away, but Liv wasn't through with her just yet.  Especially after calling her crazy.   _Bad move, Cam.  Bad move._

"How is this looking out for your friend?  Huh?  Just because you're not happy with your life doesn't mean you have to drag people down to be miserable with you," Liv stated, even poking her shoulder to get her words across more clear.  I was laughing on the inside, but I quickly ceased it when I saw the look on Q's face.  He was not happy.  At all.

"She'll never understand his lifestyle the way I do.  None of you will.  His needs are different and you'll never be enough for him, Tess.  You can't give him what he wants," Cam began, looking past Liv at me, then back to her.  "I sent that video to prove it.  I mean, look what she did.  She dropped him so quick and didn't even let him explain.  I was protecting him."

Liv proceeded to laugh right in her face.  "Protecting him?  Are you kidding me?" she asked incredulously with a shake of her head.  "And you call  _me_  crazy..."

"No, you don't know anything about me anymore, Camille," Q said angrily as he too approached her.  Crossing my arms over my chest, I felt somewhat bad that they were doing the talking for me, but I could never word things the way Liv did.  She was sharp and quick-witted while I clammed up in situations like the one unfolding in front of me.

"I know enough," she said smugly.

"No, you  _don't_.  Who is this person you've become, huh?  What would your brother think?" Q continued.

Scoffing at him, she stepped closer.  "Do  _not_  bring him into this conversation.  He's got nothing to do with it."

"I think he'd be pretty disappointed, Cam.  Family doesn't do stuff like that.  We're not supposed to hurt one another."

Remembering the story Q had told me about his late friend, carefully, I reached for him before things got anymore heated.  I didn't want him saying anything he might regret and I certainly didn't want to deal with more of Camille's wrath.  "Brian, c'mon," I said softly.

Eyeing our closeness again, she mumbled, "the last I knew, unless you're from the south of course," she paused to glare at me, "you don't sleep with family."

"That's just about enough, Cam," Q warned.

I saw Liv's jaw drop out of the corner of my eye, but she didn't miss a beat.  "Tsk, tsk.  You should really watch what you say, Blondie."

"What?  Oh, they didn't know?" she asked with a mocking, arrogant tone in her voice as she ignored Q's caution.

"Sister, we know  _everything_.  We know you waited until he was drunk to make a move, first of all.  I mean, what kinda woman does that?  Oh, that's right.  One with no self-esteem.  You were afraid he would'a said no if he was sober, correct?  I'm right, aren't I?  Come on, Cam.  Let's get all the facts straight since we're bringing up something that happened years ago," Liv said in the most perfect condescending way imaginable.  Cam had picked the wrong person to battle with, that was for sure.

"You weren't there that night, now were you?  The way he kissed me, the way he said my name and begged for it..."  She reminisced, briefly glancing at the sky before she continued.  "God, I still get off just thinking about it."

She made me want to hurl my dinner all over the sidewalk, but I knew I had to keep it together because they were just words.  Simple, meaningless words.  She could have been embellishing her story for all I knew just to get a rise out of me.  To my surprise, Liv started laughing.  Hysterically, no less.  Q and I both looked at her to make sure she was all right and I glanced back to see my coworkers waiting on the edge of their seats for whatever was to happen next.

Liv righted her posture and abruptly ceased her amusement.  "Let me get this straight, you still think about that night as if it meant something to him?"  Another giggle.  "Oh wow, that's really sad.  Now I see why he can't stand the sight of you and I can't blame him for wanting to forget about the huge mistake that was sleeping with the likes of you.  Who in their right mind wouldn't?   And one more thing, bra-fucking-vo for this desperate charade, Cam.  It's truly given us the insight we needed in order to see that you're obviously off your goddamn rocker," she stopped and looked at Q before her next sentence, "nice job on dodging that bullet, BQ," then she went back to Cam, "and for his sake, I hope he wore a condom."

As Liv finished up and turned to join us, applause erupted from behind.  I tried to again hold in my laughter but Dennise and Brandon were not helping matters at all.  When I looked at Q, he was the least bit amused and I was instantly guilt-stricken by what had just occurred.  He was a private person, I knew that, and I just realized that a very personal chain of events was laid out for all to hear.  Thinking more about it, I guess I wouldn't have been too happy either.

"Brian, I'm sorr-"

I was cut off by a low, feminine growl and circled around to see Cam lunging for Liv.  I gasped in shock but luckily Brandon was quick on his feet and easily detained her and her flailing limbs.  Q cursed under his breath and walked to her to grab her by the shoulders.  I couldn't make out what he was saying, but she looked utterly surprised, saddened and actually frightened by whatever it was.  I watched her eyes well up and her annoyingly flawless lower lip begin to quiver.

"He's not buying into that nonsense, Tess.  Don't fret," Liv said, slipping her arm around my mid-section.  I apologized profusely to Dennise and Brandon who without a doubt now had new knowledge of what I'd had to deal with in the past.  Never a dull moment, I told them.  When Q joined us again, he remained silent.  Brooding even, and I didn't like that.  So when going to another bar was suggested, I declined and since Liv didn't have a problem befriending anyone, she was going to tag along.

"You should go with them," he told me as we stood by his Jeep.

I shrugged, studying his mood.  "I'm sorry that happened.  Please...  Don't be mad at me.  I know Liv's my friend and it's my fault that-"

"I'm not mad at you, Tess.  I'm disappointed in myself for not handling it before today.  You shouldn't have had to hear all that," he sighed and made sure to keep his eyes on anything but me.

"You made me well aware of what happened between you two, so it's no skin off my back.  Sure, she made me wanna puke there for a minute but it was all for show, Brian.  My friends are my friends because I trust them and they're not going to judge."  I hugged my jacket tighter around me, blowing a curl away from my lips when the wind picked up.

"I'm sorry, Tess.  I'm just embarrassed and...  Don't let me keep you."

"I've missed you these past couple days," I said softly as I stepped closer to rest my chin on his chest.  He smiled down at me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders before pressing his lips against mine.  I kissed him back, sliding my hands beneath his jacket.

"Go.  Hang out with your friends.  I should get to packing anyway.  I haven't done laundry in a week," he said after pulling away.

Whining, I stuck out my lower lip.  "How long you gonna be gone again?"

"Seventeen shows, seventeen days, pretty girl," he sighed.

*

The day he was scheduled to depart came way too soon and I laid, still naked in his bed watching him move about the room where he finished up a bit of last minute packing.  My two favorite people were both leaving me within twenty-four hours of one another, so my weekend was trashed as far as I was concerned.  I had just gotten done saying goodbye to Liv and now it was his turn.  When he hauled his suitcase to the front door, I took that as my cue to get up in order to get my behind out of his house.

"You don't have to go, really," he mentioned in passing.

I smiled at him, slipping my long sleeve t-shirt over my head.  "My place is closer to work."  While I had considered his many offers to stay at his house while he was gone, I wasn't going to overstep my bounds nor make this seem more of a relationship than what it actually was.  I liked what we had and where we stood, plus I'd feel strange being in his house all alone without him there. 

Finding my jeans in rumpled pile on the floor, I shook them out before slipping into them and found him in the kitchen on the phone.  I filled his travel mug with tea from the fridge, stealing a quick sip before placing the lid on.

"All right, thank you," he said as he hung up and looked to me.  "My ride's here."

I groaned dramatically then laughed as I shrugged my coat on.  "Have fun.  I'll check on the kitties every couple days."

"Once a week is fine, Tess.  Don't go out of your way," he replied, sliding his hands down the curve of my back.

"It's no trouble."  I leaned up to kiss him and ran my fingers through his hair one last time.  After we parted, I walked outside with him to find my own cab waiting at the curb.

"I'll see you in seventeen days," he told me.

"I'll be around," I said with a smile.  I waited for him to leave before I got into the car and went back to Brooklyn by myself.

In the time that he was gone, Dennise didn't let me rest for hardly a second.  She'd told me I needed to keep my mind busy and they'd be back before we knew it.  Brandon too, they were constantly dragging me out to dinner and dancing after work.  A week into Q's absence, I finally got them to let me have a night to myself in which my first plans were to check on his cats like I'd promised.

Yawning, I crawled out of the cab and paid my fare since I didn't want to wrack up any more charges while I spent some time with them.  They were probably lonely, as was I and I'd probably end up staying for a few hours anyway.  I looked around his quiet street before letting myself in and laughed at the feline trio waiting patiently on his kitchen island.

"Hey, kiddos."  One by one, each of them jumped down and paid me some attention in one way or another.  I set my grocery bag down on the counter to pull out the treat I'd brought for them and slid to the floor where I sat for the next forty-five minutes.  More than once I told myself I was insane for talking to them, but it was just something I did out of habit.  I remembered having full on conversations with my horses after my mom died, too.  I wouldn't talk to anyone else but them.  Not Liv.  Not even my dad.  That went on for weeks and since then, I felt a certain bond with animals.

Headlights shining through his front window was what woke me.  I hadn't intended to fall asleep on his couch, but the week's work and nights out had caught up with me.  "You're getting old," I mumbled to myself as I raised up and went to the door.  On my tiptoes, I peeked out the window above my head to see someone turning around in the driveway across the street.  It stopped in front of his house for a few moments which piqued my interest, then the engine rumbled as it took off out of my sight.  Relaxing, I grabbed my phone to see what time it was.  Three-forty-seven.  Way too late, or early rather to call a cab and go home.  I carried myself to his bedroom instead and crawled beneath his covers to sleep a couple more hours.

"I'll be back tomorrow, I mean it this time," I told the cats the next morning.  With a mug of tea, I set out for the day.  I told my cab driver to meet me at the end of the street because I needed to stretch my legs a bit.  The run Liv had taken me on when she was there kind of gave my ass the boost I needed to get me back into a workout regime.  I'd start with walking and eventually move up to running when I felt ambitious enough, maybe.

When I arrived at headquarters, I was early enough that I beat Dennise and Brandon there which allowed me to freshen up in the bathroom.  I slipped into a clean shirt, buttoning it to the middle of my chest when she barged in.

"Where'd you go last night?" was what she asked that scared me half to death.

Instantly, I put my hand to my heart.  "Jesus, Dennise," I gasped.

Laughing, she leaned forward over the sink to apply some lipstick.  "Sorry.  Jumpy today?"

When I finished dressing, I took my hair down in a sad attempt to tame it.  I'd skipped a shower that morning because I couldn't find the strength to get out of his bed in time.  I blamed it on it being too warm and too cozy.  That and the cat's purring all around me prevented me from doing so.  "No," I laughed.

"Have you been on Facebook yet?" she asked.

"I haven't."  Her eyebrows went up and my stomach lurched, so I quickly reached for my phone to bring it up.  "Oh God, what is it?  Is it me doing something stupid?"

"No, you're just cute."

Thumbing through the most recent pictures in my feed, I stopped on one of myself and Brandon where he'd been kissing my cheek.  I laughed because it was a hazy memory at best and the only one I looked halfway decent in.  The rest I just resembled a drunk slob.  "And why did he feel the need to post these?"

"'Cause he's a jerk.  Did you see me in the one with my tongue hanging out?  Good lord, I need to stay away from tequila," she said as she too fixed her hair beside me.

After razzing him about the unbecoming pictures of ourselves, the rest of our day went on as normal.  Aside from fielding many questioning comments from Liv and other people back home, I came out rather unscathed.  Maybe a little embarrassed of the shenanigans caught on camera, but who didn't have a few silly photos taken of them in their life?  At least I had the proof that I was doing just fine in New York, making new friends and ultimately new memories.

Three nights later, I was at Q's again to check in with his feline companions.  I'd gotten there much later than my previous two visits seeing how there was a new homicide we were working on.  It was after two a.m. but the cats knew no different.  They were happy to see me.  And I found it quieter there.  There was no traffic and there wasn't any yelling into the wee hours of the morning at his place.  I could concentrate there.  I sat on the floor of his living room with the photographs we'd taken and a hand recorder near my mouth.

"Suspect appears right handed, judging from the trauma to the victim's head," I said, then I hit pause to find another photo.  I pursed my lips as I read the writing on the wall next to the poor girl found murdered.  Some sick bastard was out there laughing at us.

But two headlights shined through his front window again which caused enough of a distraction that I stood to peer through a crack in his sheer, white curtain.  Gold sedan, early two-thousands model.  The same car I'd seen the night I fell asleep on his couch.  It turned around in the same driveway as before, idled in front of his house and took off not sixty-seconds later.  "What are you doing?" I muttered before getting back to work.

By the time I'd made any progress, the sun was up and I'd finished every bit of the tea from his refrigerator.  I made a mental note to stop and get some more before he got home.  Dragging my feet into the office, I plopped everything I'd accomplished onto Brandon's desk before making a bee line to the coffee machine.  I was going to need all the help I could get after only sleeping an hour.  Two at best.  That and the mysterious car was on my mind.  Whoever owned it probably lived on the street and I was just being paranoid.  Maybe if I saw it again I'd try to get the license plate just to be sure.

"Louisiana, don't you look dapper this morning," Brandon teased and again I jumped, spilling the piping hot coffee over my hands.

"Fuck.  You guys need to stop sneaking up on me like that," I hissed as I quickly patted myself dry.  The liquid had seared my skin enough to turn it red and I grumbled, heading back to my desk.

"I'd stay away from her if I were you.  She's grumpy," I heard Brandon say to Dennise in my wake.

I turned, giving him the middle finger before I sat down in my chair.  "I'm amazed that I've been able to go this long without punching you, Detective Carver."

"Ooh, and she's sassy.  I like this side of you, Hudson," he laughed, which in turn I laughed, then Dennise was laughing right along with us.

"You're an ass," I mumbled once I composed myself.  I started on a new batch of photos that I'd taken and spent the next four hours lost in them.  When I was able to focus like that, sleep deprivation was no competition.  I worked tirelessly through the day, even making another trip to the scene of the crime where I pieced together more clues and had my findings on Captain Marshall's desk before five.

And with one look at my haggard appearance, he told me to go home and not to come back until I'd gotten some sleep.  Without any strength left to argue with him, I conceded to his orders and found myself practically in the middle of the street to hail a cab.  I didn't know if I had 'cheapskate' written across my forehead or what, but I still couldn't get the hang of it.

When I did though, I told him to take me back to Greenpoint and once I was there, I slept soundly through the night and even half the day away before my phone woke me.  Groaning, I rolled over to see I had a message from Q. 

Q:  Come to Pennsylvania.

_I can't come to Pennsylvania.  New case, no leads._

Laughing, I crawled out of bed to make a pot of coffee.

_You'll survive.  Plus, you need to focus.  Think of your fans._

Q:  I can't, pretty girl.

My body thrummed with excitement and arousal unbeknownst to myself and I had to put the phone down before I sent him anything risque.  When he came back, it would just be that much better.

_It's only seven more days._

Q:  Grrrrr.

 _Have a nice day.  I need to go take care of some cats_.

After that, I showered and slipped into some comfy clothes before calling my cabbie.  He'd been kind enough to give me his card and any time I requested him, he was at my stoop within fifteen minutes.  Jogging down the steps, I waved at him and hopped in.

"The usual, Detective Hudson?" he asked in his faded Indian accent.

"Ibriham, for the hundredth time please call me Tess.  And yes, Staten Island, please," I told him.  He got me there in the usual forty-five minutes it took and I paid him graciously before I got out and sent him on his way.  Pausing at the front door, I noticed a car resembling the one I saw the other night parked four houses down.  But before I looked like a crazy person, I let myself inside and tried to forget about it.

After making a frozen pizza for dinner, I'd come to the conclusion that I was just caught up in the creep factor of the latest case I had been working on.  That and I noticed that it'd made me a bit edgy since I was never one to frighten easily.  Dennise and Brandon had both scared the living daylights out of me two consecutive days in a row.  That wasn't normal.

Cueing up a movie to get my thoughts onto something else, I settled onto his couch and curled up with a blanket.  It was some cheesy, romantic comedy that had gotten rave reviews at the box office so I thought I'd give it a whirl.  I needed some mindless television, something without violence.  Then, like clockwork, around three a.m. the same sound roused me from my sleep.  I watched the driver pull the same move, only that time they stayed put in front of his house longer than before.  I laid still and silent, trying to rationalize what they could possibly be doing.  Q's street wasn't a dead end so it made no sense to me.

But, morning came soon after and I got his mail, stacked it neatly on the counter and headed home to get ready for work.  I arrived much more rested and much more adept to handling Brandon's teasing than the last time.  He and Dennise were in the IT lab when I set my things down and went in to see what they were up to.

"Long time no see, Louisiana," Brandon said, not once taking his eyes from the computer screen.

"Tell me you guys got something," I replied as I swiftly took the chair beside him.

"This fucker hasn't given us one single piece of evidence, but I know it's out there.  It's just..." he trailed off, scrolling through another slew of pictures.

"Nothing?  Not even from the body?" I inquired.

"Jerk's down at the morgue said they haven't gotten to our girl yet."

"It's a  _body_ , for Christ sake.  From a  _murder_.  Do they not have priorities?" I said as I rose from my seat.  "What about her family?"

"No next of kin," Dennise told me.

"No one?"

"Nope."

"How sad," I murmured as I thought about what she must have went through.  Then something caught my eye.  There was a new face in Marshall's office, one I hadn't seen before.  He was dressed in a suit and tie, that alone telling me he was either an attorney or maybe a detective from a different department.  A bit older than me I assumed and definitely not from New York.  His skin was tanned and his hair was bleached from the sun.  When he made his way into the elevator, our eyes locked for the briefest of seconds.

"That's Lieutenant Savage.  Sexy, right?" Dennise said, pulling me from the moment.

"Hey," Brandon warned.

"Lieutenant?  From where?"

"Homicide.  I'm hoping he's a present for all our hard work," Dennise laughed, turning back to the photos on the screen.

As the week drew on, not a day went by where I didn't seen the new face at some point through out my shift.  I didn't think other detectives- lieutenants especially, were brought in unless something was lacking, which got me to thinking that we weren't getting the job done.  My ego took a bit of a hit, but I didn't know the exact reasoning behind it so I kept my mouth shut and my mind busy trying to track something down.

By the end of Friday, it was the least of my worries.  I stopped off at Q's first to give the cats some fresh food and water before heading home to relax.  I waved at my neighbor as she sat on her stoop, smoking a cigarette in the chilly night air and let myself inside.  It was late and I was thirsty, so I slipped into a pair of cozy leggings and a loose long-sleeve shirt to make myself a drink.

Flipping on the news, I tidied up a bit while the oven preheated and that was when I heard my phone go off on the counter.  With my glass to my lips, I opened the screen to see what Q was up to.

Q:  Are you home?

_Just walked in the door._

Q:  Getting in a little earlier than planned, want some company?

I smiled when I read it and thought he was silly for having to ask.  It'd been the full seventeen days and I absolutely could not wait to get my hands on him.

_I'd love some._

An hour later, there was a soft, yet impatient knock at my front door.  When I jogged down the stairs and pulled it open, there was no hiding my grin.  "Hey."

"God, you're beautiful," he breathed as his lips attacked mine.  I pulled him inside and wound my limbs around him while he kicked the door shut.  His hands moved down my back to where he was able to lift me from ground and carried us to the half-moon table beside the stairs that went up to the main level.  The picture frames went crashing to the ground to make room and my hands hungrily yanked at his belt, utterly desperate to be close to him again.  When he was free, he helped me with my cotton pants until they were a pile on the floor and that was when he tugged my thighs around his waist, immersing himself deep within the confines of my body.

Again, it was a shock to my senses but it was one that I surely didn't want to live without.  His touch caused goosebumps to arise on my skin and I clung to him as he took me fervently, panting breathlessly into my ear in the midst of it all.  And it almost would be frightening to me if he didn't feel so, damn, good.  His fingers dug into my hips with each powerful thrust and I knew it was going to leave a mark, but I wanted it.  I yearned for the reminder every time I moved tomorrow that he'd been mine again.  When his teeth bit down on the nape of my neck, I cried out and convulsed around him all so quickly that I got dizzy and leaned my head back against the mirror behind me.  He was right on my heels with his own release and he crushed me so tightly against him that I gasped for air.

After all said and done, he gently parted from my arms and zipped up his jeans before helping with mine.  "I still can't get over how you do that to me," I murmured with a soft laugh.  His hand remained on the small of my back as he peered down at me and whatever the look on his face meant made my stomach plummet to the floor.  "Is everything all right?"

"Why me, Tess?"

My brow instantly pulled together because his question was rather obscure.  Especially after what we'd just done.  "I'm sorry, what?"

"You could have any guy out there.  Why do you continue to let me do these things to you?"

I slid away from him and nearly trembled with uncertainty.  "I don't really know why you're asking or how I'm supposed to answer that, Brian."

Sighing, he leaned back against the door.  "You deserve someone who's gonna be around more than I am."

"What if I don't agree with you?" I asked as I bent to pick the frames up from the floor, then cursed when a piece of the glass sliced into the pad of my thumb.  I brought it to my mouth just as he came to my side.

"Tess, be careful."

"It's nothing," I said to shrug him and his touch away.  Collecting what was left of my pictures, I placed them back on the table and walked upstairs to the sink to rinse my hand.  When all was under control other than my racing, muddled mind, I turned to find him right behind me.

"You even said before that...  My lifestyle isn't for you.  And that made me realize that I've been nothing but selfish this whole time, Tess," he explained.

Crossing my arms defensively over my chest, I scoffed, "don't twist my words around to make this my issue.  Where is this even coming from anyway?  I know I said that, but it was months ago.  Before you had me convinced that you still wanted this to go on.  You know exactly how much I didn't want to, but I went with it anyway.  And  _now_  you're having second thoughts?"

He came to me again, grabbing both of my arms to force my eyes to his.  "No, I just...  I want you to be happy, Tess.  You deserve normal, someone who's gonna be around and I'll never be able to give you that, not with my schedule the way it is and that's not fair."

I escaped from his grasp again and moved to the opposite counter.  "I think I'm perfectly capable of determining what's fair for me, Brian.  Have I once complained about your absence?"

"Never," he said softly.

"Exactly.  But what about me, huh?  What about  _my_  job?  I could just as easily say you deserve better and push you away knowing any day I could get hurt- killed even, but I don't.  I would hate to leave you behind, but right now, I want you, so bad that sometimes I think I'm crazy and all you're worried about is being too busy?"

His shoulders sagged when I confessed my perspective and he shook his head, nearly speechless.  "Tess, I-"

"I thought you knew me better than that, Brian."

"All I'm trying to say is that you're too good for me, Tess," he said in a rush to get a word in.

Groaning, I rubbed my temples.  "Again, please stop making this about me.  Did something happen that changed your mind?"

"Not...  Exactly.  I just, I saw your pictures and it got me to thinking."

"What pictures?"  I stared at him, fully expecting an answer right away.  But he got frustrated and grabbed the back of one of my chairs like he wanted to slam it into something.  Taking a deep breath to calm the sudden unsettling of my nerves, I waited, patient and silent.

"The one's of you and that guy.  Brandon."

Then, out of nowhere, I laughed.  I hadn't meant to, it just came out.  " _Brandon_?  Seriously?  That guy is like a brother and probably the most absurd thing I've ever heard."

"Stop, please.  I'm not insinuating anything, Tess.  I just think that's more of the type of guy you should-"

"I think you need to go home, Brian," I interjected before he was able to finish his sentence.  His lips parted to speak again but I held my hand up to stop him.  I didn't want to hear anymore.  I'd had a long week, it was nearing midnight and I felt like I had just been used.  Never before had he ever make me feel that way.  Plus, my foyer at the bottom of the stairs was a wreck and I had a fresh slice to my flesh that was going to irritate me whenever I tried to do something.

The look on his face I saw next was one I hadn't expected to see.  It appeared as if he instantly regretted everything he had just said, but none of it- not even the sudden desperation was going to get me to crack.  It wasn't going to happen.  I was upset that he couldn't give me more credit.  Whatever his issues were, I wasn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt him.  He didn't need to worry about because I didn't worry about him doing anything behind my back either.  I'd entrusted enough that he would have the decency to be honest before anything like that went down.  So with that in mind, he needed to go back to his house to stew on it and allow me the same, only then would I listen to whatever else it was he wanted to tell me.  Quiet and unwilling, he disappeared from my kitchen a few moments later, descended the stairs where he let himself out.

An hour after his departure, I'd settled myself into bed when my phone buzzed across the nightstand.  Knowing damn well it was him, I wanted so badly to ignore it and deal with it in the morning, but I couldn't.

Q:  I'm sorry for the way I acted, I know it was uncalled for.  Whatever that was...  I unfortunately let it get the best of me.  It's no excuse for saying or doing the things I did to you tonight.  

As I looked over his words, the chat bubble popped up to tell me there was more to come, so I waited.

Q:  It was stupid of me, Tess.  I've already been thinking about the day you wake up and realize you can do better.  I don't want to hold you back from that.  You deserve better.

I grumbled out loud for the umpteenth time that night and stuffed the phone away before saying anything I didn't mean.  Instead, I went to sleep.  Or tried to at least because I couldn't stop thinking about him and the thoughts that were shared between us.  That wasn't like him one bit- he never got soft like that and it worried me.  I didn't want him catering to me again just because he felt guilty.  And like I'd thought to myself before, I was a grown woman, capable of handling what life could throw at me.  For the most part.  Then again, the moment I thought of him with someone else, it was like I couldn't breathe.  It made my chest ache.  But I couldn't break the promise I'd long ago made to myself.  I couldn't become another acquaintance he had to let down easy because I'd helplessly...  Irrevocably...  Fucking undeniably...  Fallen absolutely in love with him.

When those thoughts and undisclosed feelings flashed through my mind, I abruptly sat up in bed, noticed the light sweat that covered my skin and found it nearly impossible to distinguish nightmare from reality.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found it hard to be in love. That's only because I didn't want to fall in love. I refused to lower my walls down. I was too afraid of getting hurt. Once you open yourself up to someone, there's a chance things won't go the way you intended, and you will be left broken. I wasn't ready to feel empty, not just yet. -Megan Fox

While sitting quietly at my desk, I sifted through every single picture in my possession for the twentieth time that particular evening.  Nothing, not a damn thing made sense and that unfortunately added to my already substantial frustration.  Rumblings of indecipherable chatter filled my ears and that provided me with enough distractions that I hadn't accomplished anything over the last two hours.

"You've been awfully quiet this week, Hudson.  What's up with you?" Dennise asked, wheeling over in her chair.

I feigned an appeasing smile before shrugging.  "A lot on my mind, I guess."

She scooted closer and lowered her voice.  "Wanna talk about it?  I know it always makes me feel better to get whatever it is off my chest."

Sighing, I set my permanent marker down and leaned back in my seat.  "Q stopped over the other night when he got in.  And let's just say we didn't have the most sanguine of conversations."

"Is everything okay?"

I looked around at the bodies bustling about our office and nodded toward the nook that the coffee machine was hidden in.  She followed me there and I pressed the button to pour me a fresh cup.  "I don't know exactly.  We spend a lot more time apart than together and it's always been that way but he came back all weird-like this time.  Spewing nonsense about how I deserve better and what not."

"Really?   _Now_?" she asked incredulously, leaning against the wall beside me.

"That's what I said.  And right after we had sex, no less.  I haven't spoken to him since, but I know I'll say something stupid if I don't take the time to get my shit together," I told her.  Though it was a bit of a fib, I didn't necessarily want to spill everything just yet because she was still talking to Sal.  They'd been sneaky before- with good intentions of course, but I felt that current situation I needed to handle on my own.  It was only my heart that was on the line after all.  What honestly had kept my mouth shut thus far was that I was going to have to take drastic measures in order to get Q to believe that I wasn't going anywhere.  Not unless he truly didn't want me anymore.  And that had me on edge to say the least.

"Men are such idiots."

Her comment made me laugh and I poured some sugar into my cup.  "I don't wanna push him, you know?  He was so damn adamant about keeping things simple, then he does a one-eighty that puts me at a loss.  Whatever I do is gonna be too much or not enough."

"What is good sex, at least?" she inquired next.

My shoulders went up and I avoided her eyes because originally I'd felt used, but there was never,  _ever_  bad sex with Brian Quinn.  "It was kinda hot, actually."

Clearing his throat, the lieutenant I'd come to know of as Wesley Savage appeared in the door.  "Good evening, detectives."

My face went beet red and I grabbed for Dennise's wrist, hoping and praying he didn't overhear any of our conversation.  "Uh, evening," I stammered.

"I trust you two are hard at work going over the new information you were given this morning," he stated.  I caught just the glimmer of a grin on his lips as he poured himself a cup of coffee and that look alone told me he  _had_  to have heard us.

"Yes, sir.  Just recharging," Dennise told him, then she masked her snicker all the way back to her desk with me in tow.

I covered my face when I slumped in my chair and shook my head.  "Tell me that did  _not_  just happen."

"Oh, it happened.  I think that's the first time he's ever spoken to me," she replied.

I parted my fingers to look at her.  "He hasn't said a word to me either."

"Mysterious," the both of us said in unison as we started to laugh again.  Though, when he walked by fifteen seconds later, we tried to be as serious as possible.  We were at work after all, plowing through a murder scene with hardly a foot to stand on.  But I needed some laughter after the trying few days I'd spent alone in my brain.

In the midst of my silent treatment, Q and the guys had a few more tour dates to finish up before the holiday season set in full force.  He was on the west coast where it was sure to be many degrees warmer than New York and I was forced to survive my first ever snow fall by myself.  After saying goodnight to Dennise a couple hours later, I set off down Park Row to the corner where I had better chances of catching a ride home.

Trekking through the snow that continued to pile up on the sidewalk, I threw my hand in the air after I plopped the slouchy hat onto my head.  Traffic was slow due to the weather so when I'd finally had enough of everyone ignoring me, I stepped in front of the next passing cab.  The car slid a few inches in the slush that had formed, but he stopped.  That was the point.

"Thanks," I said to the driver once I climbed in.  It came across a bit more sardonic than originally intended, but it irked me that every cabbie chose to bypass me on any given day.  I thought I'd been in New York long enough to pick up some of the tricks, well, enough of them to where they didn't leave me standing in subfreezing temperatures at eleven o'clock at night.

I checked my phone for whatever accumulation we were supposed to get that night and all I saw was a big, blue mass on the radar sitting smack dab over the state and it didn't look like it was going anywhere.  Meaning my ride home was going to be three, or four, or maybe ten times longer than usual.  I didn't know.  That and winter's chill- one that still seeped into the car I was riding in permeated my southern roots.  No matter how many layers I put on, I'd never be warm enough and it was going to take some getting used to.  Maybe once spring rolled around I'd finally have the thick skin it took to live in the state.

But the more I watched the street lights illuminate the abundant flakes that showed no sign of ceasing, the more I wished to be outside to savor them.  It was something I'd never had the pleasure of experiencing in person and I wanted to be able to appreciate one more thing Mother Nature had to offer.  So, when the line of cars stopped in another hold up once we exited the expressway into Brooklyn, I paid my fare and decided to hoof it the few blocks to my street.  Stopping along the way, I snapped a burst of pictures to send to Liv after my fingers were thawed and settled in for the night.

I tucked my hands into the pockets of my coat as I trudged further along and ran into the store to buy a bottle of whiskey to get my courage flowing.  My place was just around the corner and I decided I'd better write out the text to Q that had been in the works for days before I even thought about chatting the hours away with Liv.  It'd been four days since he'd accosted me in my foyer and not a second had gone by that I wasn't thinking about the words spoken to me that night.  And how much I disagreed with them.  

It wouldn't be made known to him of course, because that was just the type of person I was.  Stubborn as all hell and never the first one to bend, especially when it came down to what he'd told me from the beginning.  If he didn't do or desire a conventional relationship, I wouldn't give him one.  And I hadn't.  I didn't ask him for more, I wasn't clingy, in fact, I thought I'd done a pretty damn good job remaining casual and probably a lot better at it than many before me.  I only caved when I was with him.  When he was around me, when he was doing amazing things to me- that was when I begged and felt needy.  But how does one try to even begin to deny exquisite, uninhibited desire you feel for another person?  That wasn't something I'd intended to do either and surely, my father would not approve, yet I couldn't ignore the fact that it was worth it.  Every toe-curling, trembling, passionate moment had been worth it.  Which all required sacrifices.  And I was willing to sacrifice anything for one man by the name of Brian Quinn.

With a sudden hustle in the steps I took, my stoop came into view and I absolutely couldn't wait to get the feeling back in my face and my words sent out into the universe.  I dug into my bag for the keys that would bring be warmth in the next few moments and as I thought I was beginning the ascent up the stairs, I was forcefully pulled backward by the collar of my winter jacket and thrown to the pavement where my skull met the cement hidden in the powdery inches of snow that had fallen.

Involuntarily, my knees curled to my chest and I held the back of my head that had taken the blow when the assailant grabbed me roughly by the elbow and tried to drag me down the walkway.  It was dark and it was late and I didn't know why they were doing this to me so I fought like hell against whoever it was with all I had until I stumbled onto my feet to shove them off.  Though I only saw a shadow, it was a man of substantial stature and he was dressed in black and when my blurred vision stabilized for only a second, I tried to memorize all I could in the moments of sheer terror.  My head ached like it had never ached before and tears stained my frozen cheeks, but I wasn't going to let him get another go at me if I could help it.  But when the stabbing pain in my temple caused me to see stars, I hissed and closed my eyes to wish it away.

He remained deathly silent through it all aside from his angry breaths, then I heard the evilest of growls sound from his lungs when I was grabbed by the back of my neck and violently shoved forward.  That time, my forehead met the sharp edge of my bottom step but before I lost complete consciousness, I thought I heard what might have been neighbor's voice.

Upon waking, I couldn't even begin to sort out how bewildered and confused I was.  The room was dark and there was a consistent beep filling my ears from various monitors that were hooked to me, judging from all of the leads connected to my skin.  I couldn't recount the events that had gotten me there, all I could remember was a horrific, nauseating pain between my eyes.  Careful of the catheter in the crook of my arm, I touched my forehead that I found wrapped in a bandage.

The longer I laid conscious and got some wits about me, my concern only grew and I began to wonder if anyone knew where I was, or more importantly, if anyone knew what'd happened.  When my eyes adjusted to the absence of light, I found the call button since I didn't want to rip anything out if I tried to move.  A young nurse entered minutes later with a doctor in tow and the moment I saw them, I promptly peppered them with questions, desperate to understand anything.

"Slow down, Detective Hudson, we'll answer your questions in a few minutes.  You've been out a few days and I want you to take it easy," the doctor said as she shined her penlight into my eyes.

I winced at the blinding light and shook my head.  "Tell me something, anything," I murmured.

"Your father flew in two days ago," the nurse mentioned, which caused my stomach to roll.

"He did?  Where is he?" I asked in a rush, sitting myself up.  My limbs and head protested the abrupt movement, so I closed my eyes and waited for the dizziness and nausea to settle.

"Easy, Detective.  We sent him home last night to get some rest.  It's four a.m., dear," the doctor told me.  

It took them about ten minutes to do what they needed to do until it was just the nurse and I left in the room.  I watched her check my fluids and make some notes in my chart before she stopped and smiled sympathetically at me.

"Was there anyone else with him?" I asked softly.

"A feisty little blonde," she replied.

"Liv," I whispered as a lump formed in my throat.  Tears filled my eyes next because I'd unintentionally thrown a wrench into their lives and they'd dropped everything to come be with me.  Then I thought about Q and whether or not someone told him.  I secretly prayed that no one had since I'd just gotten done telling him that something like this could happen and that I wouldn't push him away when truthfully, that was all I thought of doing.  His sympathy especially, was the last thing I needed.

"They said they'd be back around breakfast time, should only be a couple more hours now but I'll call them to let them know you're awake."

"Is my phone here?"

She bit her lip with a shake of her head.  "The police have it."

"Does anyone know what happened to me?"

"You were assaulted, according to your neighbor.  She was the one to scare off whoever it was."

I couldn't imagine for the life of me why I'd been chosen, but then again it was New York.  Though the number of violent crimes had fallen over the past ten years, I knew muggings and things of that nature were always a possibility in a place that size.  Yet, my street in Greenpoint- which was a nice, peaceful neighborhood, it didn't exactly house or have anything to entice any low-life as far as I knew.

She made sure I was comfortable before she left me to stew and wrack my brain in silence for anything that might give me a clue as to why it happened.  Why that night, why right in front of my house and if it was a mugging, why nothing had been taken.

I dozed off a little while later until I heard Liv arguing with somebody outside my room.  I laughed softly and carefully rolled over to await her entrance.  The nurse tried to fend her off, but she pushed past her and hurried to my bedside.

"Holy shit, T.  We came as soon as we heard you were awake but they wouldn't let us see you," she gushed, wrapping me in the lightest of hugs.

Laughing again, the tears from earlier brimmed my eyes but I couldn't stop smiling.  "You didn't have to come."

"They said there was no brain damage...  Clearly, they're mistaken.  Are you kidding?  Of course we had to come.  How are you feelin'?"

"Weird," I said softly.

"Well, at least you're awake.  And just to forewarn you, Rhett's in a mood."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks it's his fault."

"Oh, for crying out loud," I groaned.

"He'll get over it.  He's trying to track down your attending right now, he wants to get you home."

"That doesn't surprise me.  He hates the hospital."

"I know.  But seriously, holy fuck, do you remember anything?"

Ashamed and embarrassed of it all, I shook my head.  "Not really.  I was walking home and he just came outta no where.  It...  It all happened so fast, then I woke up here, like this.  How bad is it?" I said as I raised my arms up for her to see and her thumb brushed just below my eye while giving me a pained expression.

"You have twenty-three stitches in your forehead, T.  You're gonna be so bad ass," she told me with a smile.

"I thought you already said I was a bad ass," I laughed.

"You are correct, sir.  And anyone who even thinks about messing with you after this is one crazy son of a bitch."

I sobered a moment despite her attempt to make me feel better because all I could think about was what'd been done to me.  "It's really bad, isn't it?"  I threw the covers off my bare legs while she pushed the IV stand and accompanied me to the bathroom.

"It's not.  It's all going to heal up and you won't be able to tell."

Gasping softly at the sight in the mirror, I put my fingers to my face that was purple and green and black- all colors that weren't supposed to be there.  But beneath both of my eyes, they shined vibrantly against the natural hue of my skin left untouched by the awfullest of human beings.  The gash in my forehead still remained a mystery, but I could only imagine what that looked like since the rest of me resembled a slice of roast beef.  My lower lip even had an off center split that would be sure to leave a mark all it's own.  I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear until I felt like myself again.  No one needed to see the in-between.  Nobody.

With her behind me to watch me accept the fact that I would never be the same, she put her hands on my arms and rested her chin on my shoulder.  "Q...  He-"

"Please don't say anything to him yet.  I don't need him worrying-"

"He was here, Tess."

Closing my eyes, the blood drained from my cheeks and the overwhelming emotion was almost too much for me to bear.  And I hadn't even seen my father yet.  "God dammit, Alivia," I whispered, leaning my hands on the sink.

"Don't be like that.  I  _had_  to tell him.  You weren't going to," she said dryly, cocking an omniscient eyebrow at me.

"That was the whole point, Liv."

"Oh, get off your high horse, would you Tess?  For fuck's sake, you're really, really hurt and I think it's more than okay to be vulnerable right now."

"Yeah, well I think I'm fine," I insisted, unable to look at her in the fear I might crack.  Truth of the matter was, I did feel powerless and completely lost, only I didn't need anyone else knowing that.  And most certainly not Q because my father was going to be enough to contend with as it was.

"Him and Rhett talked for quite a while.  I don't know what about since he made me sit out in the hall but when he left, T...  My heart broke for him," she confessed, softening her expression.

"He was all the way in California.  He had more important things to do," I said as my voice thickened with emotion.

"So?"

Scoffing, I distanced myself from her touch.  "So?  He didn't need to be bothered with this, Alivia.  You shouldn't have done that."

"Yeah, well I'm not sorry that I did it.  You're so unbelievable sometimes.  Why is it so goddamn hard for you to see that there are people that actually care about you?"

"That's enough," my father warned and I knew it was aimed at the both of us.  Our scuffle ceased and she found chair while he helped me back to the bed.  "You should be resting."

"Daddy, I'm-"  I stopped myself because I didn't have it in me to contest him, plus I didn't want to argue with Liv anymore- my best friend who flew thirteen-hundred miles with my dad just to make sure I was okay.

"Alivia, darlin', can you give Tess and I a moment?" he asked next.  Without hesitation, she breezed from the room, softly closing the door behind her and that let me know she wasn't too upset with my stubborn nature.

When she was gone, he turned back to me.  "I met that boy a'yours the other night."

"Liv mentioned that."

"As I figured she did."  He took my hand and lovingly kissed the back of it before continuing.  "He's a good man, Tess.  A better one than I could've imagined, which I should'a known better, you've got a good head on your shoulders."

 _Oh, if he only knew..._   Laughing softly at his sentiments, I laid my other hand onto his.  "Daddy, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.  Him and I have an...  Understanding.  One that's probably different than you think."

"Whatever it is that makes you happy," he said as he scooted closer to me.

"Daddy, please.  No more, okay?"

"I saw it in the way he looked at you the other night, darlin'."

Realizing he wasn't going to give up, I glanced to the window that overlooked the city.  "There's nothin' there  _to_  see."

"I used to look at your mama that way."

"Daddy-"

"He cares for you, Tess and you can't deny that, as stubborn as we may be.  Just give him some time to come around.  Lord knows your mama put up with it."

I smiled to appease him, then I reached for the tattered, old hat on his head.  "I don't need to give it any time and it doesn't need anymore attention paid.  Can we talk about something else now?"

He humbly abided my wish and I hated to come off the way I was, but he didn't know Q and he certainly didn't need to know that the thing we did best only happened between the sheets.  No father would ever wish to have that knowledge of their daughter and it was the last I was going to think of it.

Within the next forty-eight hours, my tests all came back clear and I was discharged with a hefty lift of instructions, restrictions and medications to keep me comfortable while healing.  Liv and my dad decided between the two of them to stay with me through Christmas until I was better adept to take care of myself.  After swearing up and down that I'd be okay, they finally got me to concede and seeing how it'd been four days since my incident happened, Christmas Eve was upon us.

I stood in front of my bay window that no longer showed the impressions my body left in the snow.  I could imagine them, but I couldn't see them.  Many more inches had fallen since and while it made me happy, it was also rather disappointing because I had nothing to go on.  There was no evidence whatsoever, which ultimately meant I still didn't have any answers.

Liv and Rhett scurried around in the kitchen together beside me where they throwing together a proper meal.  I couldn't be bothered, my mind was elsewhere.  It was lost somewhere in the twenty-degrees that it was outside and I could only feel the melting snow because of my warm buried in it.  And the pain.  The pain and anguish I would never in my life be able to forget.

But, a happy little voice was able to draw me from my failings to recollect a single thing.  "Want some wine, T?"

"I would love some, but I probably shouldn't," I replied as I turned to her, feigning another smile that was becoming all to common of an occurrence.

"It's Christmas.  Are you sure?"

Looking to the pills I'd picked up at the pharmacy, I teetered between pushing my limit or obeying the doctor's orders.   _Ibuprofen and antibiotics shouldn't keep you from getting a little buzz on, Tess_.  They were harmless I thought and Liv was the worst of the worst when it came to bad decisions, so I nodded.

Two glasses in and in my weakened condition no less, I surprisingly felt better than good and the more I offered to help my dad cook something,  _anything_ , the more times he forced me back to my chair.  Liv had even rushed out to find a last minute Christmas tree and decorations at the corner lot which was already too much.  I'd originally planned on being alone for the holidays so I felt no need to see out the tradition.

The three of us put up the cheap ornaments when she arrived back- not before helplessly dragging the scraggliest of trees up my snow covered steps.  Given how much it hurt, I still couldn't stop myself from laughing through the entire fiasco.  It could have been the wine, it could have been my lightheaded-ness, but I was having a blast.  My home smelled amazing too- Cajun spice, warm sweet potatoes and jalapenos filled every square inch and had my mouth watering with no end in sight.  Not until my belly was full.

Amazingly enough, I was allowed to set the table and said grace soon there after.  It was the most perfect of dinner's I'd had in a very long time.  There were dinners back home with my dad- many Christmas dinners in fact, but now that they were both in New York for me, it felt even more special.  It was horrible that they were there under the conditions they were, but I couldn't have asked for anything else.

When I was overstuffed and just as equally exhausted, Liv shunned me to the couch and took care of the clean up along with my dad.  They thought I couldn't hear them over the TV, but I snickered each time they argued over what to do and where to put the leftovers.  After it went quiet, aside from the clanging of dishes and glasses, I was able to doze off and I was finally aware that I was being granted slumber more so than the four nights prior, so I sank into the couch in hopes I wouldn't awake until morning.

"I specifically invited him here tonight.  Why do you think he was a no show?"

I thought I'd been dreaming when I heard it, but when my father sighed, it shot me right back into the scary reality that had become my life in one short, hellish week.

"Liv, honey, I told Tess the same as I'll tell you, it's gonna take some time."

"I hate to break it to ya, Rhett, but he doesn't have much of that left.  It's your daughter we're talkin' about here."

"Just let things fall as they may, Alivia.  When things settle and I know they will, she'll see."

"She won't.  She's too proud.  And this whole thing's only made it worse."

"Can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?" I chimed in, slowly sitting up to get myself to bed.  Neither of them said another word until I was tucked beneath my covers and kept their voices low when their conversation resumed.  I couldn't understand why everyone was so worried about Q in the first place.  Liv also knew how I felt about the unspoken agreement him and I had so I didn't have a clue why she continued to push the subject.  Then to bring my dad into it.  With that, I decided that over coffee the next morning, I was going to put my foot down.

But being that it was Christmas, there were way too many distractions and the warmth within my house was something I didn't want to ruin with a foul comment or two.  Instead, we had a late breakfast and I made them open the gifts I'd gotten them prior to December rolling in.  I text back and forth with Dennise throughout the day to figure out when I'd have to make my statement- even though I wasn't going to be able to give them a damn thing to go on.  And as far as work went, I was informed to take the next two to four weeks off to recuperate.  Not something to look forward to, especially since my dad and Liv had to go home at some point.

By the time dinner was ready, it was well after nine but that was nothing out of the ordinary.  We had a way about us that we were easily sidetracked and always made way too much for just the three of us.  Graciously accepting a ladle-full of my dad's famous Christmas gumbo, I inhaled the aroma of the andouille sausage and nearly dropped my bowl when I heard the door buzz at the bottom of the steps.  Immediately, my eyes shot to Liv while my face heated with displeasure.

"Don't look at me.  I invited him  _last night_.He told me he was going to Pennsylvania this morning," she quickly said in defense.  I relaxed some, but when it sounded again, I pushed away from the table and slowly descended the stairs to the ground level.  I had no idea who'd be knocking at my door Christmas evening.

When I pulled it open, the frigid air whooshed in, sending me back a step.  It was either that or the shocking sight of Liam on my stoop.  Baffled and completely caught off guard, my mouth hung open with absolutely nothing to say.  Thankfully for me, he spoke first.

"Tess, hey.  I know it's odd to just show up like this but I got wind of your little stay from the nurses this morning and I...  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.  And that you didn't need anything," he began with a gentle, kind smile.

When my surprise wore off, I stepped outside with him and shut the door behind me as to not let anymore heat out.  "That...  That's thoughtful, Liam.  I'm doing all right.  My family flew in."

"I tried to text, but the girls said it was some sort of attack?"

"Yeah, my phone's in police custody," I chuckled quietly, wrapping my arms tightly around myself to keep the cold at bay.

"Did they catch whoever at least?"

Pursing my lips, I disappointingly shook my head.

"Shit, I'm sorry about that.  But, their first mistake was picking you," he said lightheartedly.  "Your stitches giving you any trouble?"

"No.  It was really nice of you to stop by, Liam, but it's freezing and you should get-"  I instantly became a mute the second I saw Q stalking through the snow just a few brownstones down.  His gaze was aimed at the ground beneath a newsboy cap and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.  I wanted so badly to blame it on the bitter cold whipping around me, but my chest was overcome by something totally the opposite.

Liam followed my eyes and stepped back when he realized the man who'd kept me from him was now just twenty feet away.  "Take care of yourself, Tess," he murmured sincerely before dashing back to his cab.  They acknowledged each other in passing, then Q looked to me with an expression I couldn't decipher.  My heart was racing out of control because I'd not expected to see him for at least a few more days.  And I probably still wouldn't know what to say to him come then, so I figured what better time than the present for me to sabotage something else.

He put his hand on the rail at the base of my stoop and I stared back at him, shivering uncontrollably.  From cold...  From fear of him, I wasn't sure because I couldn't feel my limbs.

"Tess honey, is everything all right out here?" my father asked, peeking his head out the door behind me.

"Y-yeah.  It's...  Fine," I stammered.

"Well, don't just leave him standin' out in the freezing cold, Tess.  Brian, please, come in.  We just sat down for dinner and I've got a glass of whiskey with your name on it," Rhett insisted.

I fought to bite my tongue but the moment our eyes met again, that icy facade making up the barricade around my heart began to slowly melt away.  After stepping back inside, I shook the snow from my pant legs and followed them both up the stairs.  Liv's own eyes went wide when she saw Q and she glanced at me for an answer.  I had none, I only shrugged a lazy shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, BQ.  I thought you were in Pennsylvania with your family for the night," she said as she gave him a brief hug.

"They understood I needed to duck out early," he replied nonchalantly.  When I felt his stare again, I went to the cupboard to find him a glass and poured two, quickly taking a desperate sip before I could brave the moments that should follow.

"Missed ya last night," Liv teased.

Q stifled a nervous laugh then appreciatively took the whiskey when I offered.  "I apologize, Liv, Mr. Hudson.  Tess..."  His voice trailed off when I stood in front of him and he finally got a good look at me.  My face, I'd left it bare since I couldn't stand the annoyingly enormous bandage on my forehead any longer.

"Liv, darlin', help me get another place setting," my dad said.  

My chin dropped to my chest when I heard him and grabbed the back of the couch to steady myself.  Q was there in a fraction of a second should I have faltered anymore and I knew what we'd had was just a silly argument before everything happened, but now that he stood in front of me again, I felt guilty for giving everyone such a hard time.  

I righted myself to stand on my own two feet and attempted a smile.  "Hungry?"

"I don't have to stay, Tess.  Your family's here and I just wanted to-"

"Oh, just sit down and have dinner with us already.  It's Christmas after all," Liv interjected.  Inwardly, I groaned but found my seat at the table once more.  Throughout the meal, I wondered why he'd left his own family to come back to the city.  I hoped that the reason wasn't all me, but I had a feeling it was.  Hell, he'd already left California- his tour, his fans and now his family to see to me.

"Tess, honey, do you have someone to look after you when we go home?" Rhett asked.  

In turn, I closed my eyes and talked myself down before saying anything rude.  "I don't need lookin' after, Daddy.  I told you I'm fine."

"I can't leave here knowing you're gonna be alone, Tess.  But that's only because I love you, darlin'," he added.

"Mr. Hudson, I've got the rest of the year off so I'll be around if she needs anything," Q mentioned and with that, I tightened the grip on my spoon.  Then I saw Liv's victorious smirk.

"Y'all need to quit worrying about me.  If I  _need_  anything, I'll ask," I said, glaring briefly in his direction. 

Liv snorted with laughter, "yeah,  _right_."

"Alivia," Rhett warned.  "Brian, I'd appreciate that.  I'll feel better knowing she's got someone she can count on."

I wanted to yell and tell them I didn't need to be babied like they were insisting, but I would just have to wait until they were gone to tell Q that I didn't need his assistance with anything.  I didn't want him taking even more time away from work or his life in general because I already felt guilty enough as it was.  It was ultimately all my fault anyway.  I'd chosen that line of work, I chose to go to New York.  And I'd chosen a man whom I could never really be with.

"It's no problem at all, sir.  I've been away a little too much so I'm really looking forward to the down time."

I felt Liv's foot nudge mine which got my attention again since all I'd been doing was staring at my half eaten meal.  Her eyes had softened and begged me to lighten up.  To cave, and to just let them hash out their sneaky little plan.

"There, Daddy.  He'll be forty-five minutes away.  Happy now?" I said a little snidely after tearing my gaze from Liv.

"Yes, baby, I am.  Thank you.  Now eat," he replied.

After dinner, I refused any help with clean up since I'd done not one thing to assist in preparing the meal.  I'd sent my dad to bed and Liv was in on my couch watching the television, so that left Q and I alone.  Carefully and quietly, I shuffled around my kitchen until I could no longer tolerate the silence as he was sure to be watching my every move.

"Look, I-"

"That was him, wasn't it?" he asked softly.

When I heard him, I turned to meet despondent eyes.  "What?"

"The guy you were seeing."

My shoulders fell and my gaze followed to where I simply stared shamefully at the floor.  "Yes."

"You still talk?"

"No, I haven't heard from him since I kissed you that night at your house.  He's a doctor, he...  He must'a seen my chart."

"Oh," was all he said in the minutes thereafter.  Guilt twisted ferociously in my chest but I honestly hadn't expected to ever see Liam again.  Especially not that night and especially not within seconds of Q also showing up at my doorstep.  

So, sensing his aversion and distaste, I walked to the sink and began to load the dishwasher.  The water ran hot as I rinsed each bowl, placing them in the top rack when I suddenly felt the warmth of his chest against my back.  My eyes shot to the dark window in front of me where I could see our reflection, his head was down and his strong hands wrapped themselves around my biceps.

"I still believe you can do better than me, Tess," he began in a whisper, then his soft lips press to the side of my bare neck.  "That will never change, but I can't stand the thought of someone else having you."

"Brian, you don't have to do all this," I breathed.

"Don't have to do what?"

I felt his fingers move away the curls that had fallen from my haphazard bun, thus distracting me even further.  "I thank you for coming to check on me, but you shouldn't have left the tour.  And you should have stayed with your family tonight.  Everyone has to think I'm awful."

"Don't talk like that," he murmured at the very edge of my ear.  

I parted from his all too tempting touch when I mustered the power and turned to face him.  "I'm sorry, but it's just how I feel.  And I don't need you telling my father you'll take care of me.  You don't need to say those things.  The guilt is already too much to deal with as it is."

His next movement was abrupt and a frustrated one at that, causing me to jump back.  He stood dangerously close to me and he bent at the waist to look me in the eye.  "What if I want to be there for you, Tess?"

Shaking my head, my hands trembled right along with the rest of me.  "Just listen.  Please stop.  Stop making this more complicated because I can't- I won't let you to do anything else for me.  It just can't happen, Brian.  It's only going to get worse for me if you're here, so can we just go back to the way it was?"

"This is complete bull shit.  You don't mean that," he said angrily as he stepped back to wipe both of his hands over his cheeks.

He was right.  I didn't mean it, but I was beyond confused and scared and I had too many feelings coursing through me to even comprehend what I was trying to tell him.  "Brian, I-"

"No, goddammit.   _You_  stop.  I'm not gonna stand here and pretend like I can agree with any of what you're saying.  This has affected everyone, Tess.  All the people that love you are worried and you act like it's nothing.  Do you know what it would've done to your father if you hadn't woken up?  Do you know what it would have done to  _me_?"

Tears brimmed my eyes the more he ridiculed me and my actions and I felt nothing short of terrible about it.  But I still wasn't ready to let my walls down.  I was afraid and absolutely terrified to have my heart ripped from my chest because he was perfectly capable of doing just that.  And I was more than afraid he'd already gone and done it.

"You don't need to worry about anything."

"I need  _you_ , Tess and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you, but I fucking need you more than you can possibly ever understand," he began passionately- so passionately that his words were making me dizzy.  "I know that I told you I ended relationships when I started to feel like things were getting too involved, but it's different with you.  It's always been different with you and I can't just let it go.  I'm not gonna let you go.  Not that easy."

"Why are you doing this?  Why are you saying all of these things?" I whispered unsteadily.

"Because the thought of losing you makes me sick to my stomach, okay?  Be that as it may, Tess, no one's invincible.  Not even you."  His voice had softened with his last sentence and only then did I desire to have him closer.  

Looking up at him through watery, blurred vision, I swallowed hard to rid myself of the lump in my throat.  His palms cupped my now imperfect face and he stared deeply back at me- that was the moment he kissed me.  His mouth brushed over my bruised lips in such a gentle manner that I thought it could only be a dream.  As if none of what was happening could possibly be real.  Then, the way his frame pressed into mine as he heightened the embrace, it let me know he was truly, really there.  He was in my kitchen, undoubtedly standing right in front of me and he'd surely just said those things to me.

When the roughness of his beard lessened just the slightest, his breath was hot and barely audible against my lips.  "I'm so,  _so_  in love with you, Tess."

 _God help me_.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking of you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you. 
> 
> -Bob Marley

His words resounded between my ears louder than anything I'd ever heard before, but that didn't make them any easier to comprehend.  

"Please don't tell me that," I replied to him in a soft whisper as I shook my head and parted from his arms.  I turned away to lean on the counter, distracting myself from the seriousness of the situation at hand.  "It...  It's just been a rough couple days for everyone, but I'm fine.  I'll  _be_  fine when this is all over and I don't want anything to change between us because of it."

"You're kidding, right?" he asked, slightly more cynical than I thought necessary.

I shook my head again and tried to swallow back the bile that had begun to rise in my throat.  I needed to put a stop to what was happening because that particular moment was when he was known to end things, according to him at least.  He didn't do love, he'd told me that and I remembered it clear as day.   _Every_.  Day.  His heart would never be given to another individual as long as he lived and I wasn't going to let him stray from that philosophy.  Although I believed him to care enough to worry about me, never did I wish for him to love me.  Because that would be it.  And I wasn't nearly ready to lose him.  I was still establishing myself in New York and he provided me with a certain comfort and the confidence needed on my new journey.

There was a quiet, incredulous laugh that I heard escape from his lips before he looked me square in the eye, wished me a Merry Christmas and disappeared from my home.  All of the emotion that I had kept tightly wound in a spot no one would ever know of suddenly boiled over when I heard the door shut.  Then, Liv showed up to make it worse.

"What the hell's the matter with you?"

Sniffling and desperately wiping away the salty tears that trailed down my cheeks, I again busied myself with the dishes.  "Nothing."

"The man just said he loves you, Tess."

"He can't, Liv."  Nevermind she'd just overheard everything, she probably would have found out one way or another.

"So, you're crying because you  _don't_  love him?"

I stopped what I was doing and let my hands remain in the hot, soapy water while looking up to the ceiling for some relief.  It was going to be hard for me to say the words out loud, but for anyone to even begin to grasp what I was going through, I had to.  "When he feels like he's falling in love, that's where it ends, Liv.  That's just the way it is with him and I'm not ready for that yet.  So please, don't be a jerk right now."

"T..."  Her voice was instantly riddled with sympathy and her arms drew around me tightly from behind.  "From what I just heard, it doesn't sound like he's going anywhere."

"You don't understand.  Nobody does," I said softly.

With that, I felt her touch disappear.  "I'm trying to, T.  You're just being paranoid.  But listen to me when I say I don't think he would'a laid it all out there like that if he was leaving."

Laughing dryly at her inopportune optimism, I drained the sink and dried myself off.  "He's already gone, Liv."  And I dragged my feet up to bed.

By the time I woke up, my house was already filled with suitcases rolling across the floor and low voices that told me my father and Liv were arguing over what time they needed to leave.  It was only the day after Christmas, and also the day after Q'd told me he was in love with me but I didn't want anyone to go anywhere.  Such was life though and reality was a bitch.  Reluctantly, I gathered myself to freshen up before heading downstairs to endure a morning I surely didn't want to, in  _any_  capacity.

I paused in the bathroom mirror to take note of the lovely purple bruising that not only accompanied the color beneath both of my eyes, but it'd also spread to either side of the laceration that split my forehead into two, uneven pieces.  The ugly scar that was sure to remain when everything was healed dipped almost to the bridge of my nose and that thought alone was infuriating.  I'd done nothing to deserve it I thought and my face was going to have a permanent blemish that would always remind me of the awful night.  The night I was almost sure I'd never get answers to.  There was just no way I could give the police anything because for one, I couldn't see much when it all occurred and whatever memory I did have of it was foggy.  Then again, the dreams hadn't set in yet.  I was hoping they'd give me some sort of clue.  And of course there was the therapy I would be subjected to.  I'd gone through it being an officer in Louisiana and since becoming a detective, it only became more mandatory.  Now that I'd gone through this hellish ordeal, it was going to be even more demanding.

"What is all the damn racket?  People are trying to sleep," I griped as I descended the stairs.  Rubbing my less sensitive eye, I stopped to study the both of them who'd frozen in the kitchen.

"Sorry, darlin'," Rhett said and stepped close enough to kiss my cheek.

"Rhett's insisting on leaving in the next twenty minutes though our plane doesn't take off until two," Liv added with a perturbed, unamused scowl.

Laughing, I went to the fridge to find a drink.  "Daddy, you've got plenty of time."

"On the contrary, daughter of mine.  Have you looked out the window yet this morning?"

"Snowin'?  Again?"  I still held the carton of orange juice when I padded slowly to the front window.  There, I could hardly see the brownstones across the narrow street since there was a thick, white wall of snow between us.  The cars that were parked on my side were already covered in at least four inches of fresh powder and even their silhouettes were hard to make out.  The buzzing at my door was what drew me away from the magnificent sight.  I hadn't been expecting anyone, though deep down I might have been hoping Q would come back and we could pretend that certain words weren't uttered between us the night before.

To my utter surprise, it was both Dennise and Brandon's voices that filled my foyer.  Why they'd stopped off at my place wasn't to be expected, but I put a smile on my face regardless.  "Mornin', you two.  Merry Christmas," I said as I filled my glass.  It turned out they were headed to Queens to an investigation and thought enough of me to drop by with breakfast.  Then even kind enough to offer to take my dad and Liv to the airport since the elements outside were going to be rather harsh that day.

It was useless to fight them on it since I was still pretty fatigued so I followed them to where their car sat, idling in the blizzard.  I hugged Liv first, then moved onto my father where I hoped not to get too emotional.  I wanted to keep that to myself until I was alone.  His eyes had glossed over much like my own and I smiled to reassure him everything was going to be okay.  I had true friends in Dennise and Brandon and that should have surely been enough to tide him over.

"Don't be scared to ask for help, okay darlin'?" he said to me as his thumb brushed over my chin.

"Got it, Daddy.  Have a safe flight and thank you so, so much, for everything."  Making it short and sweet before I started to sob amidst the snowstorm in front of four other individuals, I hugged him once more and walked back up the steps to go inside.  I shut the door and locked up, dusting my pants off as I ascended the stairs into my eerily silent home.  My phone went off and I ended up having to search for it for a few minutes until I found it beneath the covers of my bed.

Liv:  I know you want to fret over what happened last night- but don't.  Trust me.  I love you.

I rolled my eyes at her sentiment as I crawled back between the sheets to doze off for a while longer.  That was when the first nightmare came upon me.  I relived the moments of my attack that lasted mere minutes, but in the dream, it felt like hours.  Hours and hours in the frigid snow that had soaked through my clothes.  I fought so hard to put a face to the shadow that inflicted the harm, but in the end it was to no use and I gave up.  Every time I tried harder, it only hurt more.  I shot up, doused in sweat and felt quite nauseous.  And the only thing I could think of was Q.  Him and the fact that I might have been totally wrong about his intentions.  I knew I was kidding myself, but the tiniest sliver of hope still remained in the back of my mind.

Crawling from the damp linens, I ran a lukewarm bath to calm my nerves.  And churning stomach.  I secured my hair to the top of my head and slowly sank in, closed my eyes and leaned back as I tried to rid the thoughts of him from my brain.  I didn't want to regret him- and I never would, but I regretted letting myself have the feelings I did.  I knew better.  Then I could've avoided every piece of my heart being shattered because I'd made the mistake of making him fall in love with me.

Unfortunately, the night didn't get much better after the bath like I had hoped.  I'd gotten so wound up that I ended up making myself sick and spent a fair amount of time in front of the toilet.  Perhaps taking the prescribed medications with nothing in my stomach wasn't the best idea I'd ever had either.  I faded in and out of weak consciousness, finally coming to again after another dream.  Raising from the cold tile to brush my teeth, I fell into bed once more where I prayed I'd rise feeling more like myself, should I ever be so lucky.

The following day graced me with fewer trips to the bathroom, yet the gross feeling still resided in my empty gut.  The way my head ached didn't help matters either and of course I was running low on pain relievers.  I knew it was all psychological, but I had no idea what I could do to make myself feel better.  Maybe I needed to cry.  Just to let it all out and maybe then it might point me in the right direction.  I'd been holding so much in, pretending to be a-okay just to make sure no one would pay me any more concern than they already had.  It was unwarranted and though I despised having people dote on me, I was afraid that I really did need help.  Everyone knew I was proud, I was as stubborn as stubborn could be, so to admit that I couldn't do something for myself was not going to be easy.  I planned on my go-to person to be Dennise, but with a break in the case we'd been working on, I wouldn't dare bother her or Brandon at a time like that.

That was when I found myself staring at a blank message to Q.

But the fucking cursor blinked helplessly, much like I felt.  Helpless.  Weak.  And I didn't desire to be weak.  So, while I wracked my brain for the right words, none of them came to me.  Overly frustrated, I tossed my phone into the chair I'd gotten up from and walked into the kitchen to raid the fridge.  Leftover Christmas dinner would have to suffice.  It didn't sound as appetizing like a warm bowl of chicken noodle soup did, but I'd just have to make do with what I had.

With new found energy after getting something into my system, I tidied up- enough to make it look like I hadn't just accommodated two guests for a few days.  In the small den, I folded the blankets my father'd used and stored them away, then fluffed the couch cushions where Liv had slept.  Two hours later, I was without another thing to do so I flopped back into the recliner.  Spinning it to stare out the window, I sat for another undetermined length of time until it was hard to see the snow falling outside.  I fell asleep there, curled into a tight ball for warmth, or perhaps for comfort, seeing how all I wanted was to be next to Q.  But I was almost convinced that would no longer be an option.

Then, half past three in the morning, the screen of my phone lit up the dark living room and roused me from my slumber.  My heart took a giant leap to my throat as I sat forward to grab it to see who it was, though I already had an idea.

Q:  Don't do this.  Don't shut me out.

_Do you know what time it is?_

Q:  Yes, I'm sorry.  I was with friends and I couldn't stop thinking about the other night.

_I'm not gonna lose my cool if you want out.  I already told you that._

Q:  Still stubborn I see, even over a text.

_Your rules._

Q:  Fuck the rules, they don't apply to this anymore.

Then there was nothing.  For a good ten minutes at least.  Maybe he'd been out drinking and had just fallen asleep.  I sighed softly and turned the screen off, then slowly made my way to bed.  Crawling beneath the covers, I felt the night once again close in on me so I shut my eyes to surrender.  Until my phone rang.  

With half of my face still buried in the pillow, I put it to my ear.  "Look, it's the middle of the night and I haven't been feelin' too hot.  Can we have this conversation another time?"

"You should have told me, Tess," he replied almost longingly.

"I'm gettin' through just fine.  I don't need to be an inconvenience to anyone else."

"You're not.  How many times do we have to tell you that?"

"You could say it a thousand times and I'd never feel different about it.  Brian, please...  I'm exhausted."  I pulled the covers over my head and my knees up because the sound of his voice had begun to make my chest ache.  And there was a lump forming in my throat that I didn't want him noticing.

"Tess, baby...  Please."  His tone was yearning again and I knew I needed to stop him before I felt any worse.

"Goodnight, Brian."

*

Pounding at the door was what woke me seven hours later.  I recognized the urgency immediately, but it didn't make me move any faster.  I slid into an over-sized sweater that stopped mid-thigh and lazily twisted my matted curls to the back of my head.  In passing, I turned the thermostat up a few degrees seeing how I was still barefoot and finally came to stand at my front door.  The moment I opened it, the wind and snow whirred around me that instantly sent a shiver up my spine.

"What are you doin' here, Brian?" I asked sleepily, leaning my temple against the side of the door.

"Don't say it like it's such a horrible thing.  I promised I'd take care of you," he replied rather bored.

In the haze of grogginess, I looked him over, clad in dark blue jeans and a thick sweatshirt, noting that he was still gorgeous as ever in the baseball cap on his head.  "And you're not gonna take no for an answer..."  It was more a mumbling under my breath but I knew he heard it, so I stepped back to let him pass.  I quickly shut and locked the door to keep winter out and padded up the hardwood steps with him in tow.  Once I reached the kitchen, I sat down at the table and pulled a knee to my chest, eyeing his body language.  He seemed quite perturbed, frustrated even, but he grabbed silverware and napkins to place in front of me anyway.

"I meant everything I said," he said out of the blue while he turned his back to me.

I reached for one of the bags he'd placed on the table, taking a deep breath before I spoke.  "Now's not the time either, Brian.  I just woke up and I'm-"

"When'll be the right time then, Tess?  You're not the only one suffering here, you know.  Don't you care about what this has done to me too?" he retorted, in which my jaw fell open and looked to him with wide eyes.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I don't know how else to get through to you.  I told you I was in love with you and you're acting like it never happened.  I just...  I..."  He stopped himself before he raised his voice any further, then raked his troubled fingers through his beard.

"I act like it never happened because I know what that means for us, Brian.  And I tried not to make a big deal about it because I wasn't ready to let you go, okay?  I'm sorry if you don't understand that," I told him as I also attempted to keep my voice from thickening.  I was trying to portray strength that I knew I didn't have and that he didn't have an affect on me.

In the next instant though, he was eye level with me.  "That's what I'm trying to prove to you.  I'm not going  _anywhere_ , Tess."

I tore my gaze from his since I'd begun to fail miserably at keeping my emotion hidden.  "You're just here out of pity.  It's okay, you don't have to lie to me."

Then he laughed.  Again, it was frustrated in nature, but I had to get him to believe that I would be just fine.  I wasn't going to pine for his sympathy.  I wouldn't turn to that and I would never allow myself to become that desperate.

"I would never pity you," he began as he turned my chin back to face him, "and I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to.  We can do whatever you want, Tess.  Just...  Let me in, please.  I'm not gonna hurt you."

Smiling through the tears that brimmed my eyes, I brushed them away and tried to compose myself.  "You say that, yet...  You have no idea how much power you really have over me."

His thumb cleared the rest of them away and pulled me to the edge of the chair.  " _You_ , Tess, you own me, sweetheart.  You could break my heart in a fucking fraction of a second if you wanted to."

Shocked with his raw honesty and willingness to be so vulnerable, I shook my head and whispered, "I would never do that."

"Then let, me, in," he replied just as softly, accentuating each word in his sentence.  His finger pointed to my heart that was already racing out of control with every doubt and fear I'd ever had about openly loving somebody.  There would always be that risk of having it torn out from under me, but maybe, just maybe, this time, it might be absolutely, indisputably worth taking that chance.  I'd come that far and thought I had lost time once or twice before.

I placed my hands on his scruffy cheeks and remained silent as I searched his eyes for any sign that what he was saying to me might not be real.  He turned his lips to the inside of my wrist and kissed the tender skin until I slid my arms around his neck in one of the best hugs I ever could have imagined at that moment in time.

I still didn't know what all that was said was going to mean for us, but it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I might actually have something to look forward to now.  I had to admit, I'd been feeling pretty down and defeated after the accident and perhaps I continued to be excruciatingly stubborn to all that surrounded me, but I couldn't help it.  It was hard for me to accept other's willing to do so much for me when I was just a huge pain in the ass to begin with.  I didn't want help, I wanted to prove that I could do everything on my own and this had been my first wake up call, slap in the face, whatever you call it that made me realize that it was okay to ask for help.  To need someone else.  To depend on someone else.

"I'd do anything for you, Tess," he murmured as he slowly let me go.  I nodded and turned from him to again hide the feelings I so badly wanted to keep to myself.  I could let him in, but that still didn't mean I wanted him to see me acting like a wimp.  I wanted things to remain as they were- light and fun.

Clearing my throat, I opened the fridge to change the subject.  "You thirsty?"

His laugh filled my ears and eased my worries at the same time.  Kissing my head as he reached over my shoulder, he grabbed the jug of sweet tea my dad had made before he left.  "I got it.  You sit down.  Eat."

I obeyed and took my seat again but before I could scavenge through the bags he'd brought with him, he took everything out to set in front of me.  I chose the soup and sandwich which satisfied the cravings I'd been having for almost two days.  After cleaning up, he helped me in the shower since I desperately needed to wash my hair and somehow, he managed to talk me out of stripping him naked to join me.

And since I was advised to keep television watching, reading and basically all normal tasks of everyday life to a minimum, he was kind enough to hang around to keep me company.  It had to have been more than boring for him, so I tried multiple times to get him to go do the things he wanted to do but he refused to leave.

Two monotonous days later, it was New Year's Eve and I was feeling a lot better.  My strength was back up to almost full power, or so I wanted to think and I was determined to coax him into bed with me.  We hadn't done anything remotely sensual in over a week and my body was telling me that it needed his.  I needed that comfort, that closeness to really solidify and to help me confess what was coursing through my veins.  I needed him like I needed the air I breathed.  As foolish as that may have sounded.  Never did I think I would've been the one to make him reconsider the way he lived his life.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him either- knowing damn well he was more than dangerous.  It was also true what I'd said to him, that he didn't know how much power he held over me.  My heart was as delicate and fragile as it had ever been but it had also told me that it was enough to gamble with.

After popping dinner into the oven, I paused in the archway that lead into my living room to watch him.  He was leaned into the couch with one foot on the floor and the other stretched out on the chaise while resting a glass of whiskey on his chest.  Like he was comfortable and belonged there.  I threw back what was left in my cup before making the trek to him.  He smiled briefly at me then turned his eyes back to the television.  He had no idea what I was craving to do to him.  All for the better, I thought.  Slowly, I lowered to the floor in front of him and since his thighs were already open to accommodate me, I slid my hands up the denim until they tugged at his belt.

He sat up to put his glass down and grabbed my wrists, "Tess..."

"Shhh."  I escaped his grasp and pushed his hands back to his sides so I could refocus on my prize.  I lifted the hem of his shirt, tracing the trail of dark hair beneath his navel before I pressed my lips to his warm skin.  He let out a long, quiet sigh and I might have even felt him relax a bit.  Grinning to myself, I pulled his belt loose, quickly followed with the button and zipper.

"What're you doing?"  It was more of a groan and there was no doubt he wanted to protest me, but his body defied him.  It was obvious he was longing for attention and satisfaction and I was determined to bring that to him.  Honestly, it was the least I could have done.

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Tess, baby, you shouldn't-" he stopped talking the moment I ran my tongue against him.  Instead, a shuddering, sexy groan took place of his words.  He'd brought me more than my fair share of ecstasy with his mouth so I wanted to do the same for him.  I looked up to see that his head had fallen back and his arms were spread open on either side of him.

I teased a bit at first, more to get myself acquainted with the feeling of him in such an intimate way.  I wasn't sure how much I'd be able to handle and I most definitely didn't want to disappoint him in any way, shape or form since I'd only ventured there once before.  But by the sound of it, I felt I was doing okay.  Rubbing him leisurely with my tongue each time I slid down, he tensed and let out a heavy breath.  So I moved faster and slower, alternating between different rhythms to keep him interested.  For never liking the act before, there was something about bringing him pleasure that way that turned me on more than anything I'd ever done.  Perhaps it was because he was the infamous man I'd come to know and I still thought him to have the pick of the litter, I wasn't completely sure.  But I wanted to outshine everyone else he'd ever been with.  That was something I could never cease to do.  Him admitting his feelings didn't hurt matters either.

By the time my hand gripped him at the base to accompany my mouth, he'd sunk his fingers into my wild tresses.  I moved with a bit more purpose, feeling his body go taut while a few curses were uttered from his throat because of it.  His rigid, velvety skin tasted like heaven to me and I desperately wanted nothing more than to make him feel magnificent.

"Slow down, please," he begged.  I didn't think I'd been going too fast in fear of hurting myself by overdoing it, so I began to move even more leisurely than before.  Then he proceeded to tell me again and again that I needed to stop, but that only further fueled my desire.  I wasn't going to quit until he was writhing underneath my touch, if I were even capable of getting him there.  Sliding my free hand up his chest, his back arched and his hips thrust forward that drew him deeper between my lips.  In the midst of that, he moved to pull his shirt off and tried to nudge me from his lap as he told me that I had indeed gotten him there.

"I want to," I breathed impatiently before reclaiming him.  I intensified my hold and with swift motions of a greedy tongue, he melted into the cushions behind him mere seconds later.

"Baby," he contentedly exhaled after catching his breath.  I waited to remove myself from him until the wake of his release settled, brushing gentle kisses over his fiery skin.  When I sat back on my knees, I bit down on the inside of my cheek as a blush spread across my cheeks.  I realized I'd never done that for anyone before, yet with him, there was an affinity I hadn't readily been aware of up to that moment.  Putting my mouth on him I would do without question but I didn't expect to be so eager to see it all the way through.

"Was that okay?" I asked meekly, running my thumb thoughtfully over my lip.

"Fuck," he hissed.  He continued to stare at the ceiling while his chest heaved incredulously with my question.  "Yeah.  That was more than okay, Tess.  Are you all right?"

Laughing softly, I nodded.  "I am."  And incredibly turned on.  I pressed my thighs together to keep the heat from escaping and brought myself to my feet.  His orgasm had rocked us both but I didn't want him feeling any guilt about what I chose to do for him.

"The doctors though, they said-"

"I know what they said.  I told you I was feeling better," I injected, bending to grab his glass.  From there, I walked into the kitchen to refresh our cocktails.  I heard him rustling with his pants and his footsteps soon followed. 

"You surprise me.  Every damn day," he hummed against the back of my head.  

My smile grew as I shrugged innocently then twisted a lime wedge over my whiskey.  "Gotta keep ya on your toes somehow," I snickered.

Dinner was ready for soon after that and once our bellies were satisfied, there would be no keeping my eyes open.  I was sprawled across his chest and his fingers danced up and down my arm until he too fell asleep.  It was pretty sad that I couldn't even make it to midnight to ring in the new year but him beneath me, drawing in slow, even breaths was nothing short of tranquil.  

When my body told me it was morning, I raised slowly as not to disturb him.  It wasn't quite eight a.m., but the sun still had no signs of rising.  In fact, it was snowing again.  I put a pot of coffee on before making my way back to him where I grabbed his hand and tugged gently.

"Brian, let's go upstairs," I whispered.

He awoke and even in his groggy state, he got up and followed me without question to my bedroom.  I turned after reaching the top step and carefully removed the sweatshirt I'd been wearing.  I could tell his eyes had adjusted to the lack of light because they were on me, feasting on what I was exposing to him.  I slid my pants down next and kicked them to the side, then gingerly reached to unclasp my bra.

"Tess..."

"I love it when you say my name.  Especially like that," I replied with just as much hunger lacing my words.

He inched closer, moving his hand to my bare side where his fingertips traced the poetry on my rib cage.  "You shouldn't do this to me."

"I haven't done anything," I told him just as he helped tug the straps from my shoulders.  I closed my eyes when his mouth claimed my neck and let my head fall back, tightly holding onto his biceps to keep myself standing.

"I can't say no to you anymore," he whispered, though it was barely a whisper.  I thought I could handle it, after all I'd done something the night before just as risky to my condition, if not more.  He could set the pace but by the wicked look of desire in his expression, it was going to be hard for him to hold back.  Myself included.  I helped him from his clothes while stepping backward to the bed and he took the utmost care to lay me down.  He undressed the rest of the way and I moved my hands over my almost naked body, just waiting to feel the immaculate pressure of him inside of me.

"Brian," I said softly, pleading with him to hurry.

He obliged, almost ferociously pulling my underwear away.  He looked absolutely delectable in the blue haze that filled my bedroom and the way his hands roamed every inch of me reminded me how lucky I was.  That and I needed to stop acting like a dick in every other aspect of my life too.  I needed to really open my eyes and while I thought I wasn't deserving of such incredible people to look out for me, I was going to show them how much they were appreciated.  Q in particular.  I wouldn't stop until he knew how much he meant to me.

He remained kneeling as he parted my thighs and bent my legs to place my feet flat on the bed.  "I wanna watch what I do to you," he confessed.  Sensually.  Goosebumps immediately erupted over me and my brow furrowed because he couldn't have said anything more perfect.   _Oh, bull shit.  He could say anything and you'd still be howling like a cat in heat..._

When he seated himself into me with one tender jut of his hips, I sucked in a sharp breath and inadvertently, my lips parted.  "Ooh..." I purred, gripping the pillow behind my head, arching to let my body adjust to him.  The friction he'd created with that simple motion stirred the fire in my groin and I didn't want him to even think about stopping.  His thrusts were gentle and meticulous, spaced apart just enough in order to study every reaction he coerced from me.  Any other time I would have called that torture but after going days where he refused me because of my stupid concussion, I needed to be damn thankful he was finally giving me the attention I'd become so incredibly desperate for.

In the minutes that followed his carnal, tantalizing assault, our limbs wound up twisted together in the passion we expressed for one another until his damp skin meshed perfectly along with mine.  He was a heap on top of me, between my thighs, and my hair stuck to my neck- though I hadn't done anything to achieve the pleasure we both just underwent.  I smoothed his disheveled locks back and kissed his temple, patiently enjoying him until he got his wits about him.  He could have gone ahead and stayed there all day as far as I was concerned but I knew he'd think otherwise.  So, I gladly followed him to the shower that was only lit with the gradual sunrise and stood beneath the soothing stream.  His arms cradled my body against his up to the point we'd both turned into prunes and my hair had grown excruciatingly frizzy with the humidity.

I was surprisingly refreshed afterward though.  I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel, offering him one as well- though I could stare at his naked form, happily, for the rest of my days.  As I rubbed some lotion onto my face, he grabbed my wrist.  "Look at me."

Laughing, I tipped my chin to glance over at him.  "What?"

He didn't respond right away, instead he flipped on the light.  "Your eyes."

"They're getting better.  Nothin' to fuss over," I told him as I turned to the mirror in the new found light.  But my smile fell and I leaned closer when I realized what he'd been talking about.  My left iris had shifted colors.  It was no longer the pure chestnut hue it had been all my life.  A third of that was gone and it had been replaced with a grey-ish blue, uneven fleck.  But I felt no different, I could still see and there was no focal pain so I quickly downplayed the panic that had risen in me.

"We need to get that looked at, Tess," he said sternly as he disappeared to my room where he no doubt dressed in a flash.

"Brian, it's okay.  Don't get worked-"

"I knew I shouldn't have let you do what you did last night.  Or this morning for that matter.  I knew better than that."  Angrily, he pulled the hoodie over his head and proceeded to grab the clothes I'd been wearing for me.

"Come  _on_.  You know it's not because of that.  Would you stop for a second?" I barked as I threw my towel onto the bed and found fresh attire in my dresser.

"No, Tess.  This could be serious and it's my fucking fault for not stopping you," he replied, plopping down on my bed to pull his socks on.

My expression softened the moment I heard him and I went to him to place my hands on his shoulders.  "This is in no way your fault, Brian," I began while forcing him to meet my eyes, "so stop.  I'm okay.  I feel great, actually.   _That's_  because of you."  Then I kissed him.  Sliding onto his lap, I dipped my fingers into his hair and nuzzled my hips against his.  "I promise."

He returned the gesture though he remained stiff as he wrapped his arms around my waist.  "Just...  Please put something warm on.  I'm taking you to the hospital."

Groaning with dismay, I knew that he wasn't going to let up so I righted myself and slid into comfy pants along with a pair of thick socks of my own.  He paced the room as I continued to get ready for the snowy endeavor and met him in the kitchen ten minutes later.  

"I'm fine, really.  We don't have to go anywhere.  It's New Year's Day and it's cold and I...  Aren't you tired?  Can we just have breakfast instead?  I made coffee," I said in one last attempt to sidetrack him and his mission.  The look he gave me after that was one that wasn't to take lightly.  I shut my mouth instead, rolling my eyes at his persistence once I turned away to fetch my boots at the bottom of the stairs.  I peeked out the window just to the side of my front door to see that the snow hadn't let up even then.  Days upon days later.   _This should make for an interesting drive..._   I didn't necessarily agree with him, but I trusted him enough to climb into the candy red Jeep that had taken up residence on the street in front of my brownstone.

I didn't say much to him on the ride there, and  _there_  happened to be the same place I'd been rushed to about ten days prior.  An urgent care center sat off to the right of the main entrance and that was exactly where he parked.  And before I was able to exit his vehicle, he grabbed me by the forearm.  

"What would you do right now if you were me?"

I stared at him seated beside me while the engine still idled to keep us warm.  "What?"

"If you were in the position I am, wouldn't you want to make sure I was okay?  Or am I way off base here?"

"Of course I would..."  Trailing off, I tore my eyes away from him to look out the foggy window because I realized that he was absolutely spot on and I'd already gone back on my word- by acting like a stubborn thorn in his side.  I wouldn't be to live with myself if anything happened to him and hadn't gone the extra mile to assure his health for both our sake.

"I'm only doing this because I care about you, Tess."

I nodded, though I kept my gaze averted out of shame.  "I know, I'm sorry.  I appreciate it more than you know," I confessed softly.

"Ain't that the truth," he teased lightly, sliding his hand around mine.  

That made me laugh and allowed me enough nerve to glance at him again.  He leaned over to press his lips to mine and I kissed him back, gripping the collar of his jacket to keep him close.  "Smart aleck."

Before he pulled back, his teeth claimed my lower lip momentarily, then he got a smirk about him.  "So, is that the southern way of telling me you wanna stick around?"

My face heated uncontrollably but I nodded again and closed my eyes to rest my temple against his cheek.  "I hope you're okay with that because I honestly don't wanna be anywhere else but with you."

He didn't reply with words, it was his grin that contained enough information to let me know he was enamored with my roundabout declaration.  The 'I love you' would hopefully come to me when I felt bolstered enough to express that to him.  "C'mon.  It'll be quick.  I'll buy you breakfast somewhere on the way home."

Surprisingly, the lobby was rather quiet despite the winter storm.  I signed in while Q paced behind me and the nurse said it shouldn't take long to get me seen, complete with a sly wink that was a bit disconcerting.  But I shrugged it off and flopped into one of the hard, plastic chairs to wait.  There, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass across from me.  I'd removed my hat a few minutes earlier and while I knew I wasn't in tip-top shape, I didn't think I was that unkempt.  Then I thought it was possible she recognized Q.  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her look back and forth between the two of us, but mostly him as she whispered to another nurse on duty.  I looked at him too, he was on the phone and his clothes were rumpled since they were from the day before and I was in something one would call glorified pajamas.

I blushed at the memory of what we'd done that very morning, then wondered if it was that obvious to the strangers around me.   _No, they couldn't know that_.  I was sure if that was the case and if they did indeed know who Q was, there might be questions to follow once I was back in an exam room.  And only then did it dawn on me that I had no idea how to answer those types of inquisitions.  The color in my cheeks had to have gone white and I tried to motion to him but my name was called before I even had a chance.   _Shit, shit, shit_.

Plastering a fraudulent, unaffected smile on my face, I followed the nurse down the hallway lined with rooms until she guided me into one.  I set my hat and gloves down, then took a seat on the crunchy table.  She did what she needed to do- took my blood pressure and temperature then asked the reason for my visit.  Just as I felt myself relaxing again, the last person I ever expected to see at that particular moment stepped into the room.

"Let me guess.  Your last stay was so good you just couldn't wait to come back," Liam kidded as he took a seat on the stool beside the bed.

I remained frozen in complete shock and utter embarrassment as my eyes slid over his perfectly slicked back hair and square, masculine jaw.  His blue eyes sparkled at me just as they did the night we met and honestly, the ability for me to form any sort of intelligent sentence had long since soared right out the fucking window.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the two people who are truly best for each other will have to face greater obstacles in order to be with each other.

His smile never faded, even with my less than subtle bewilderment.  He flipped through my file and made a few notes then proceeded to wheel over to the edge of bed beside me.  A light sweat covered me from head to toe as the fluorescent lighting intensified and all I wanted to do was crawl into the deepest, darkest hole imaginable to die.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I blurted once I found my voice.

"The clinic was short-staffed because of the weather, so I offered to help out since I was already here," he replied casually.

"But you're a neurologist."

"I'm still a doctor, Tess," he laughed, then sobered just as quickly.  "Here.  Let me get a look at you."  He snipped my sutures out quickly like the pro he was and grabbed the ophthalmoscope.  He held it up to my face where he then looked into my unaffected eye first, then to the one I'd complained about.  I couldn't help but wish to be anywhere but there.  He was close enough that I could smell his cologne and he was just as good-looking as I remembered, yet to my surprise, it had no affect on me whatsoever.  That was a good thing and although it'd been established, it still didn't help the fact that I was beyond mortified.

"It's not that bad, honest.  I can still see, it doesn't hurt but my friend insisted I get it looked at right away," I told him in the softest of voices.

"Your...  Boyfriend?" he asked suggestively.

I started to shake my head until I realized he was still in the middle of the eye exam.  "No."

"You two look good together.  Why not?"

My cheeks couldn't have gotten any hotter if I tried.  "Just...  Because."

He nodded, turned off the blinding light and scooted back to the small desk.  "Have you been doing any strenuous activities?  Heavy lifting?  Watching too much TV?"

"No.  Nothing," I hastily answered.  It was a blatant lie, but I very well couldn't tell him that I'd been up early that morning having sex.  That would've just been rude.  With a concussion, I was ordered to keep my normal activities and vigorous undertakings to a minimum, and sex in particular, that was probably a big no-no as well.

He eyed me like he knew better but decided to let it be, thankfully, for my sake.  "Heterochromia is sometimes genetic, sometimes can indicate underlying disease process and sometimes it's due to trauma.  Since your tests all came back normal last week, this presentation tells me it's from the blow you took to your head.  It shouldn't cause any issues, though it may be permanent."

"Okay, great then."  I raised up from the bed and darted out of the room.  I needed fresh air, like yesterday.  He was still talking but there was no way I could be bothered with it.  The sweat continued to profuse from my pores and as I made my way down the hall, I began to see black dots and felt my muscles weaken.  I tried to talk my way through it- telling my inner self that I was just overwhelmed, hoping my feet would carry me to the exit.

"Tess, you're white as a ghost," Q said as I staggered into the waiting area.

"I'm fine, I just need to sit down for a sec."  He led me to a chair and proceeded to call out for help.  Within seconds, Liam was in front of me again, taking my pulse at my wrist as another nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around my bicep.  "I said I'm fine.  Just a little lightheaded.  Please, stop with your fussing."

"Be honest with me, Tess.  Have you been doing too much?  Has she been doing too much?" Liam then addressed Q seeing how I hadn't given up any viable information during my visit.  

"Not that I know of, but last night was the first night I spent with her in a couple weeks.  A rule or two may have been bent but-"

"Brian," I hissed to advise him otherwise.

"What, Tess?" he snapped in retort so I shut my mouth.  "We may have gotten a little carried away this morning, could that be what caused this?"

Liam paused before replying because I think in that moment, he truly understood what Q'd just hinted at.  Stifling an uncomfortable laugh, he responded professionally in spite of it.  "The change in her eye color, no.  But it's easier than you might think to give yourself another concussion.  Even using your phone can do it, so I'd hold off on...  Doing any more of  _that_ , especially, until all of her symptoms are gone."

In what I assumed was a hypoglycemic episode, I shrunk until I felt mere inches tall because that situation couldn't have gotten any more awkward.  And my face not any more red.  I looked at Q who was studying Liam after his last sentence when the nurse handed me a soda.  Slugging it back, my vision cleared and I almost thought I heard Q mention something about Cam.  That alone sent my mind whirling again.  If I hadn't endured one hell of a morning already,  _she_  had to come up in conversation.

"I thought you looked familiar.  You guys were at Lelli's a few weeks ago, right?" Q asked.  His question immediately threw me because originally, I thought they'd seen each other Christmas evening out in front of my home.  Not that long ago before like he was referring.  And Cam having anything to do with Liam was another interesting, very unsettling mystery.

"Actually, yeah.  The food was good but one date with that woman was enough for me," Liam laughed.  

"Wait, what?" I asked, butting into their conversation without a shred of regret.  I was more confused, actually.  All along, I'd been under the impression Q had known who Liam was.  Perhaps I'd been wrong the whole time.  In addition to that, my question was ignored.  Q muttered something under his breath to Liam that I couldn't quite make out and we were given the okay to leave soon after that.

I bundled myself up, though all the questions swirling around in my chest could have exploded my coat right from my shoulders.  Tugging my hat down when the snow blew into my face, I felt Q's arm steady and guide me to his Jeep.  The air was completely still inside the cabin once he climbed in, but it was heavy.  My own doing of course and I didn't know where to begin.

"What are the odds Cam would choose him, of all people, in New York?" I asked.

He suppressed a laugh as he started the engine and headed to the exit.  "Well, I'd say being a doctor is something she'd happily go after."

"Brian..." I began, then my suddenly breath hitched in my throat.  I swallowed back the uneasy feeling and turned my chin to look at him.  "That's  _him_.  The...  The guy I dated after I moved here.  I thought you already knew that."

"He was the one at your house on Christmas?"

I nodded in response, afraid of what his reaction might be to that.

But he kept his eyes on the road and a pleasant look about him.  "Well, while I had an idea  _what_  the guy was doing there that night, I wasn't really up for making friends.  If you know what I mean."

I did and I couldn't blame him.  I wouldn't want to know of or be in the presence of someone he may have been seeing amidst our brief hiatus.  Or any other time for that matter.  Sure, there'd been Cam I knew about and I wasn't a jealous person, maybe territorial was a better word for it.  I could certainly never be jealous of her, not knowing what I'd come to over the past two years.

His amused tone drew me from my senseless thoughts, "the plot thickens, pretty girl."

"But-"  I stopped and stewed for a moment, chewing on my bottom lip, then continued, "you don't think...  She sought him out because of me, do you?"

"I doubt she had any idea, Tess."

And that was the end of it.  We arrived home safely and I was glad that he had shrugged it off, but I'd get into more detail once I was able to corner one of my girlfriends.  Q wouldn't see things the same way we would and I didn't want to press the subject any further since Cam had only been a problem when it came to our being involved with one another.

So, when said he had errands to run the next day, I saw him off and assured him that Dennise was coming over while he was out.  The storm had let up too, providing a brief, clear window that she was at my door in under an hour.

"What's this big news you couldn't tell me over the phone?" she asked as she set up her laptop on my coffee table.

I laughed, tucking my legs beneath me.  "Are you ready for this?  Q didn't recognize Liam because of  _me_ , he saw Cam and him out to dinner a month ago."

Her jaw fell open as she nodded along, "get the fuck out."

"Honest to God."

"Seriously, what is wrong with this chick?  Here we thought it was Q she was obsessed with.  I think it's you, Tess."

I shrugged, leaning forward to grab my cup of hot tea.  "But why?"

She typed away on the keyboard and I had not a doubt that she was looking her up.  I watched her green eyes scan the screen in front of her and thought more about her remark.  Cam wasn't obsessed with me, she hated me rather, because of Q.  Her and Liam still could have been a total coincidence for all I knew.  Deep down, I was almost convinced it wasn't though, since only my closest friends had known about him.

"Did Q ever tell you what happened to her parents?"

I shook my head, grasping the warm mug to my chest.  "Never thought to ask.  I only heard about her brother."

"You should see this," she said and immediately, I raised to my feet.  Standing to her right, I bent at the waist to read over the newspaper article she'd come across.

_Police searching for suspect in hit-and-run that killed young couple._

Cal, her brother and Q's close friend was of age at the time it happened so he took over as her guardian I soon learned reading further into the blurb.  I sat down beside her when my fingers covered my mouth.  "Oh my goodness," I whispered sincerely.  If I hadn't already felt bad for her when I heard about her brother, that right there took the cake.  What I'd assumed was that her parents might have been deadbeats, which was horrible of me, but I never imagined for them to be gone gone, as in deceased.

"That's one shitty hand.  The poor girl," she murmured.

I went to the kitchen after that to raid the fridge and wrack my brain.  There, I found myself wanting to apologize to her for everything.  Had I known sooner, I might have had a different approach to handling her, perhaps more delicately than I had.   _Fuck that, Tess.  She's the crazy one and the one who started it all.  You don't have anything to apologize for_ , that was what Liv would have said.  

I pursed my lips as I stared blankly at the interior of my refrigerator, coming up empty handed in more ways than one.  It wasn't my fault that she'd lost her marbles and more importantly, that Q didn't want her.  I was innocent in the matter and never once had I rubbed her nose in it.

"The mystery still remains, Tess.  Why do you think she went after Liam?" she asked, joining me in the kitchen.

"I'm baffled.  Seriously," I began as I put away a few clean dishes, "I mean, she couldn't have known I'd run into him like I did and Q wouldn't have had the knowledge to put two and two together.  Not unless she were to tell him who Liam was."

"Which is something you wouldn't put past her."

"You were there for the last shit-show.  If I were her, I'd be scared to even think about  _trying_  to talk to him after behaving like that.  It would only piss him off."

"So, what's her motive then?  Do you think she hinted to Liam that she knew you?"

I shook my head.  "It was  _one_  date according to him.  Said it was plenty enough and he didn't mention anything else yesterday."

"He's the kinda guy who needs more than just a pretty face.  He probably picked up on her wack-job status right away," she snickered.  And she was right.  Liam wasn't dense, for obvious reasons.

"I'm honestly beginning to question her intelligence.  I don't fuckin' get it.  Did she really think it was gonna make me mad?" I inquired, closing a cupboard.

"I'm almost sure of it, but apparently she hasn't realized that we grew up a long time ago.  These childish games can't go on forever.  She's gotta get a clue at some point, right?"

"One would think but she's a different...   _Breed_."  There, I turned and our eyes locked as the both of us pondered every scenario or answer we could come up with.

"Yeah.  An insane one."  

"Liv and I agreed once upon a time that sociopath might be more fitting."

"I couldn't have said it better myself."  It was barely a muffled snicker again, but her expression didn't lie.  She knew just as well as I that there was something fishy going on and we weren't going to stop until we got to the bottom of it.

I didn't fall for you, you fucking tripped me.

Two weeks later, I was absolutely done taking no for an answer.  To anything.  I had to go back to work, I was determined to.  Q's doting had lessened and that gave me a little more freedom to return to normal activity, but I knew another important part of my life was still lacking.  I could only stare at the walls in my home for so long and I didn't want him wasting any more of his precious time worrying about me.  I felt almost one hundred percent better and my black eyes were nearly gone, though the unsightly scar on my forehead was an everyday reminder of what was endured.  While I'd come to accept it for the most part, it made my blood boil on more than one occasion or two.

"And you're completely,  _positively_  sure you're ready to go back?" Q asked again as he sat on my bed in nothing but a pair of boxers.

I nodded adamantly, fastening my newly color-treated hair into a manageable ponytail in the bathroom.  The highlights Liv had insisted on before my big move had grown out in the months that passed and I was ready to go back to normal- though I chose a shade darker since it was the dead of winter.  

"I am.  Now, please would you stop asking me the same question?  You're startin' to sound like a broken record," I replied and gave him a sideways glance accompanied with a playful smirk.  When I was satisfied with my appearance, I walked to him because I could no longer keep my hands to myself.  His hair was messy from my pillows and his skin warm from my sheets, so I slid my fingers into his locks while his surrounded my hips to pull me in.

"I've just gotten so used to having you," he paused, just before kissing me again, "home.  For me."

That was when I laughed against his mouth and had to step away.  "Now, how boring is that?"  I mussed his bangs and tucked them back, placing one more kiss to his nose.

"It hasn't been boring, Tess.  Not ever."

His suggestive words and husky voice made my thighs shudder, but I'd already made up my mind and I wasn't go back on my word.  "I have to get goin' if I wanna be on time.  You want coffee?"

He didn't respond, he only got up to follow me downstairs to the kitchen.  There, I grabbed a travel mug for myself and a regular mug for him, yet when I proceeded to fill his first, his warm hands encompassed my waist again.  I felt him press into me from behind and I leaned my head onto his shoulder as the sunrise flooded my face but after a moment, I had to distance myself.  Again.  He was toying with me- in a good way and I wasn't going to fall for it even though every shred of my being wanted to give in.

"Brian, please," I begged because he still hadn't let up.  My words came out more sultry than intended and he must have felt it judging by his persistence at my backside.  "I'm already dressed and ready, I have to go."

Growling, he tugged the collar from my neck and sank his teeth into my skin with just enough force to make me wince and nearly succumb to him at the same time.  "Fine.  Go."

I laughed again and finally made my escape to slip into my winter boots next to the table.  He sipped his coffee, watched me tuck in my button down shirt afterward and I grabbed my coat from the rack.  "Would you quit?"

"What?" he retorted smugly.

"You're so full of shit," I shot back, mirroring his candor.  Once I was bundled up enough so that he didn't have any access to tear my thick, winter gear from me, I moved closer at my own risk.  "I should be done by five.  If anything comes up between now and then, I'll text you."

*

My venture back to Manhattan wasn't without excitement- yelling cab drivers, slipping tires through the settled, icy snow, but I couldn't have wished for a thing different.  Although I enjoyed the time off complete with a visit from Liv and my father and Q right at my fingertips almost the entire time, I was ready to get back to work.  Back to normalcy.  And while the nights alone with him couldn't be replaced with anything else, I thought a little distraction might calm the desire I so badly  _still_  held for him after all that time.  I never knew I'd be capable of wanting and needing a man's touch as desperately as I pined for his, but there hadn't been a day that had gone by that I didn't want my body satisfying him.  That and I thought I probably needed to stick with a steady source of income living in New York on my own.  That was a definite given.

I arrived outside the police plaza where the late January air whipped around me, burning my cheeks in her cold, cold will to be as cruel as she could be.  My eyes watered with the intense bursts, but I'd never felt happier.  With that, my tall, black boots carried me through the doors and into the lobby.  Bustling as always, I smiled at a few faces I'd sort of come to know in my time there before entering the elevator that would take me back to my second home with Dennise and Brandon.  Even though we were inside, I could still smell winter on the jackets that surrounded me and I knew my face had to be cherub red.  More so than everyone who stood in the cramped car combined.  I was definitely still a newbie. 

"Well, holy shit.  Look what the cat dragged in," was Brandon's first remark once I stepped onto my floor.

Without even thinking, I rolled my eyes and nudged his arm with my shoulder before he wrapped me in a comforting, happy hug.  When he let me go, I looked up at his all too familiar sharky grin, steel blue eyes and forever diligent crew cut red hair.  "Nice to see you, too," I uttered sarcastically.  Then Dennise, whom I'd already seen frequently throughout my unfortunate leave of absence, it was still nice to have that added reassurance in my crosshairs.  And after that, my much recent, refashioned brown eyes landed on the homicide detective I'd briefly, just briefly become acquaintances with standing square behind her.

"It's so good to see you outta your civvies," she joked.  I acknowledged her but remained focused on the tall blonde's blue eyes- much brighter than Brandon's- staring right back at me.

"Detective Hudson," he began as he moved around her desk to approach me, "I know I haven't formally introduced myself and I'm very sorry to hear about your incident, but I'm Wesley.  Savage.  It's good to have you back."

Before I made a fool of myself with my blatant wonder, I swallowed to hydrate my dry throat.  "Call me Tess."  I stuck out my hand, cursing myself as to how I'd become so befuddled over something so insignificant.  I chalked it up to the shock factor and my nerves about coming back into the workplace but I was able to plaster a tasteful smile on my face.  He'd been there to help before, during and seemingly after my inadvertent disappearing act.  He was a good guy, there was no question.  Dennise would've warned me otherwise.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Tess.  These two have told me nothing but good things, I promise," he replied coolly.  The lines around his mouth deepened when his charming smile widened and I assumed him to be about forty, forty-five.  His sandy blonde hair was wavy and finger-combed back to appear that he wasn't trying too hard.  Which I could give him that, he definitely wasn't now that he'd actually addressed me as a colleague rather than  a superior. 

"Fantastic.  But you shouldn't always believe everything you hear, ya know.  Brandon's been known to spread rumors."  Surprising myself in a different way with the wittiness I'd somehow mustered up, I moved to my desk that anxiously awaited my return.  First, I threw my bag over the back of the chair and placed everything else to the right of the keyboard to quickly sit down and avoid anything Brandon might throw in my direction.  There was no retaliation, thankfully, so I booted up my computer.  

Commanding Officer Marshall showed up not five minutes after that with another, even warmer welcome that made me smile and blush because initially, I felt embarrassed to have been gone so long.  But he was kind enough to let me know I had his full support and that I could go at my own pace to settle back in.  Which I did.  It was an easier transition that I thought and I was back to working on a new crime scene in no time.  Since Dennise and Brandon were neck high in another, they partnered Detective Savage, or Wes as he insisted, and myself together.

We became a sturdy, well built team in no time with his years of experience in the field, my meticulous attention to detail and dire integrity to do almost everything I did as perfectly as possible.  Some days, I wished to be back working along side Dennise but I figured that day would come soon enough once they all agreed I was in tip top shape again.  Wes had initially been brought on temporarily to pick up the slack with the influx of new cases through the holiday season and because of my accident, they'd ask him to stay to fill in the gaps.  It was fine by me and I'd told him over and over how appreciative I was for him to do something so willingly for my department.  And I would've done the same for anyone else, you just didn't come by truly kind people like that in New York City.

Two weeks in, I was reminiscing about that very fact while I sat at my desk when the smell of Wes's cologne floated into my nose before I caught sight of him at my right.  Straightening, I sat forward and took the file folder he'd slid onto my keyboard.

"Tell me what you see," he mentioned quietly, pulling up a chair from an empty station beside my own.

I opened the folder and pointed my lamp onto the eight-by-eleven stack of photos.  "One sloppy yet shrewd S.O.B.," I said jokingly before my overtired hilarity ceased.  I studied what was in front of me, picking up on of the pictures that had bothered me from the beginning.  I'd captured it the day we went to the crime scene and there was something off about it, but I was having one hell of a time putting my finger on it.  Every night that week I had stayed late since Q was out of town again and it may have been slightly neurotic, but I wasn't sleeping well to begin with so I thought why not make use of all that free time.

"Come on, Hudson.  You and I both know your eyes are better than mine.  What's going on with you?" he replied.  He then took the remaining photos back to flip through them himself.

"Nothing," I began, then something dawned on me, "I start therapy tomorrow.  Just kill me now."  Groaning in surrender, I laid my head down on my hands.  

He laughed wholeheartedly at my expense and gregariously shook my shoulder.  "We've all had to do it.  It's not that bad."

"I hate talkin' about feelings.  It makes me feel...  I don't know, gross?" I muttered as I raised up and tried to get back to work.

"You're an odd duck, Hudson.  I'll give you that."

"Tell me somethin' I don't already know."

Thoughtfully, he rubbed his stubbly chin.  "You've been here at the office for twelve hours and you should maybe call it a night?"

I didn't put up a fight because it was true and my neck was incredibly sore from staring at my desk for the past three hours.  Without another word, I closed everything down and tidied up my work space before I fastened myself into my winter coat.  He did the same since he'd been there just as long and accompanied me back onto Park Row to catch a cab.  I got the same reaction as I did from everyone else when I tried to hail a ride for myself- laughter and snickering from behind until whoever it was felt bad enough and performed the task for me.  I begrudgingly thanked Wes as I climbed in and set home for the remainder of the evening.

The next morning I spent at the medical suite not far from headquarters where I had to do what I'd previously admitted with absolute disgust, which was talking about my feelings.  I knew it was mandated but that didn't mean I had to do it happily or with a smile on my face.  The therapist, she was nice, perhaps a little too nice and utterly way too sympathetic for my liking.  I'd moved on, or so I thought, but she'd forced a lot of things I had managed to suppress over the past two months back to the surface.  I kept the nightmares I'd been having to myself, seeing how that would have only elongated the dreadful conversation.  But respectfully, I thanked her for her time and went on my way and tried to omit everything we'd just discussed, otherwise there'd be no feasible way I'd be able to focus.

Then, there was the God awful thought of Cam weighing in the back of my mind.  There was not a chance in hell I'd seek her out to ask about Liam and as for that...  I couldn't very well contact  _him_.  I wouldn't do that to Q.  Not that there were any residual feelings of any sort, I only felt that it wouldn't be the most appropriate thing to do.  For all Q knew it was merely a coincidence they'd gone on a date, yet for Dennise and I, there was an underlying matter that may or may not need dealing with.  Unfortunately, it'd taken a back seat since we were overly swamped at the office.  And there was Wes, who's continued presence had originally thrown me for a loop upon my return, but his kindness and consideration was readily and gladly accepted the more I got to know him.  It wasn't overpowering and he didn't appear empathetic which was exactly what I needed.  Maybe Dennise or Brandon had warned him beforehand- that thought alone made me giggle as I trudged through the snow to work for the day.

The first face I saw when I arrived was Dennise's and she quickly waved me over.  Brandon and Wes were off in their own little world at the opposite end of the room so I hurried to her desk.  "What, what?"

"I did some digging," she started, her eyes focused on her computer screen.

Furrowing my brow, I sat down beside her, still shivering from the cold.  "On what?"

"The whole Cam, Liam thing."

"Get outta my head, would you?" I laughed as I unwrapped the black scarf from my neck.  "I was just thinking about that before I got here."

"Well, I remembered you telling me about that art exhibit you two went to way back when, right?"

I nodded.  "One of his pal's is an artist..."  I trailed off quietly when my brain instantly went into overdrive.

"Exactly.  And guess who else has showings at the same, damn, gallery," she stated as a matter of fact.  "I paid a visit to her website and stumbled upon all the shows she's done over the years, most of them being at the very same venue.  And you met this artist guy friend of Liam's, right?"

"I did.  Michael, something.  The last name's eluding me at the moment."

She had a grin about her that was so downright satisfied she was almost glowing as she clicked the mouse a handful of times and spun the laptop for me to see.  And there it was.  Cam standing beside Liam's friend with her annoyingly perfect looks that somehow she'd been blessed with.

"Now, from what you told me about your run in with Liam at the hospital, it's pretty obvious he didn't know her before that.  So, who's to say she's not a total creep and found out through this Michael guy, huh?  Which brought me to  _his_  website.  You and Liam had your picture taken together there, which he then posted on the Facebook page along with all of the other guests that come to his shows."

"How could I have been so stupid?" I muttered shamefully, watching her navigate to said Facebook page.

"Quit.  You're  _not_  stupid.  Like Liv said, Cam's off her damn rocker.  I mean, who'd spend this much time trying to get under your skin?  Something's most definitely not right with her and I'm afraid she's severely underestimating you, Tess."

My face by then was red, blazing with anger and frustration because Dennise was absolutely, undeniably right.  About everything.  Cam could continue doing things that she could go right ahead and think were going to make me mad, but I'd much rather have her do it to my face than sneakily behind my back.  In my opinion, that was just cowardly of her.  The problem she had was with me and shouldn't concern anyone else I chose to have in my life.  For one, what happened between her and Q had long since been squashed.  Secondly, Liam was smart enough to end it after one, crappy date, or so I was told and secretly, I really hoped that he hadn't slept with her.  The rational part of me believed that he would never do such a thing, but he was a man after all and Cam was stunningly beautiful.  On the outside.  

I shuddered at the thought of both him and Q in the same room with her and a wave of nausea rolled violently through my gut.  "This is the most fucking insane thing I've ever had to deal with," I hissed, turning away from the screen.

"But he's worth it, ma.  You have to know that," she said encouragingly.

I met her green eyes through my fingers before speaking again, "he's not gonna believe this."

"Oh, that's bull.  He knows how she is and what she's done to make your lives a living hell.  I mean, not so much lately thank God, but I've got a feeling he knows a lot more about her than we do.  Plus, it's not a big deal, okay?  What's done is done and it's just one more thing to solidify the fact that she's a raging sociopath that needs not another second of your concern."

Just then, both Brandon and Wes sidled up to our secret pow-wow and Dennise swiftly shut the computer.  I got up without a word and went to my own work space to begin to process all that was just discovered.  I knew I didn't need to stew over it and that I should believe it not to be an issue, but all I could think was ew.  Just, ew.  I was so utterly disgusted over everything and all I wanted to do was talk to Q.  Fortunately for him, he was on a cruise ship somewhere in the Caribbean, warm, soaking up the sun and completely unreachable.

I kept to myself the rest of the day, amazingly enough hitting the nail on the head with the crime scene photos I'd looked at the night before.  With that and the clock hitting five, I set my report on Marshall's desk and headed home.  It was already dark and snow had begun to fall from the sky, but I needed the fresh, frigid air to calm my nerves.  I walked a few blocks, weaving in and out of other bodies on their own journeys to whatever destination they had chosen for that particular night.  Stopping at a random corner, per usual, I struggled with getting a ride until a good Samaritan was kind enough to whistle and flag one down for.  Thanking him graciously, I set off to Staten Island to spend the evening with Q's feline companions and a phone call to Liv.

"Have I got news for you," I started once she picked up.

"Oh God, you're not pregnant, are you?" she chided.

"Really?" I answered and rolled my eyes, not amused even in the slightest.

She snickered cheekily, "I'm sorry.  I had to.  What's up, buttercup?"

I went on to explain all of Dennise's findings to the very last detail and by the end, I was curled up in Q's bed with cats surrounding me.  It was only eight, but I felt I could have slept straight through until the next morning.

"I agree with Dennise.  It's not a big deal.  She wants to bug you, which clearly she is, so stop.  Stop it right now.  If I had to guess, she's probably pissed because two guys chose you over her.  Hell, even I'd be miffed.  But she's just a conniving cunt, we've known that since the beginning.  Relax, T.  There's nothin' else she can do."

"You say that like it's some easy task, Liv," I groaned, pulling the covers over my head.

"It  _is_  though.  I know you like to see the best in people but there's nothin' good about that broad so just let it go.  Stop being so nice.  Forget about it and move on.  You got the guy, she's just gonna have to live with it."

Her last sentence made me smile and slowly, the cold sensations that had coursed through my veins throughout the entire day had begun to warm up.  I knew I could always count on her to give it to me straight and to tell me to stop being a baby and nine times out of ten, it worked.  That moment proving no different.

"Thanks, Liv," I said softly.

"You know I'm here for you.  Where it's warm.  And sunny," she teased.

"That sounds like something Q would say to me right now.  He's in the Bahamas.  Or Jamaica.  Somewhere.  I don't know."

"I saw that.  Those poor dudes.  I mean, the cruise part is sweet as hell, but being on a boat with a thousand crazy female fans?  No thanks.  When does he get back?"

"Next week sometime.  He was gonna stay in Miami for a couple days after they dock."

"Why don't you go see him?"

"And take more time off work after just getting back into the swing of things?  I'd lose my job.  Plus, that'd be a little forward of me, don't you think?"

"Nah, you've been back a couple weeks, right?   _Plus_ , I'm almost positive he wants nothing more to dock in  _your_  port," she said before bursting into a fit of proud, boisterous laughter.

My jaw dropped in disbelief, though I should have already known something of that nature would come out of her mouth again.  "Could you really be any more crude right now?  Good _night_ , Alivia."  I hung up the phone while she was still laughing hysterically and found a snicker soon escape me as well.

The next morning I'd wake up to a new day.  Perhaps the first day that I wasn't going to let anyone or anything influence the way I wanted to live my life.  I'd come to New York to do a job, I'd fallen helplessly in love and I was bound and determined to allow not a thing more to interfere with the happiest, most blissful I had ever, ever been before.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three things cannot be long hidden. The sun, the moon, and the truth. - Confucious

Unfortunately, the encouraging attitude I thought I'd gone to sleep with that night didn't last long.  Not as long as I'd hoped, at least.  Even Liv's joke about showing up unannounced on Q's vacation strictly for sexual purposes didn't even keep me from my glum mood.  Work was fine and he was due home any day until I found out New York was going to get pounded with yet another heavy snow storm, therefor delaying his flight back.  And they weren't talking hours, it was looking more like days.   _Must suck to be him_ , I thought to myself on more than on occasion.  To be stuck in sunny Miami, sitting on a beach somewhere without a mere thought of the inches upon inches of snow we were about to receive.

The first flakes began to fall mid-afternoon and by the time I was finished with my paperwork, a good half-foot was already on the ground.  Saying goodnight to the trio who'd helped keep me sane throughout the week, I headed home.  Not that it was any sort of big deal- I'd gone much longer periods of time without seeing Q, but Cam and nearly everything about her and what was going on still laid on my mind.  I'd lost a parent myself, but I couldn't imagine losing both  _and_ a sibling all before the age of eighteen.  She was alone.  Aside from Q who was kind enough to care for her, but she'd gone and burned that bridge the moment I innocently walked into his life.  In some other dimension, I thought we might have been friends.  Well, maybe not friend-friends, but I would have at least been cordial to her.  I'd already tried that route and it had gotten us nowhere.

"Hudson, wait up," a voice called in the distance.  I turned after adjusting my winter hat to see Wes beneath the snow-hindered street lamps jogging in my direction.  "You need help grabbing that taxi or can I make it easier on you and just give you a lift myself?"

Laughing off his facetious jab, I shook my head.  "Nah, it's kind of you to offer but the roads are already bad.  I don't need you goin' out of your way."

"It'd be no trouble, honest," he said as he buttoned his long dress coat.

"I was heading to Staten Island anyhow.  My, uh, friend's out of town and I gotta check on his cats.  I appreciate it though," I replied with a smile.  He returned the gesture and kindly hailed me a cab without asking.  After thanking him, I sat in a daze the slow ride all the way to Q's, part of me wishing I'd taken more psychology courses in my time spent in college.  Maybe then I could begin to understand how Cam's slimy mindset worked.  Or maybe I just needed to quit thinking about it and get on with things.  She was toxic, that was for certain and if I spent any more time delving into the unknown, who knew how long Q would put up with me.  Hell, I might even end up driving my own self mad when all said and done...  If there were ever to be a day like that to be on the horizon.

I let myself into his house and immediately had three hungry cats weaving in and out of my legs as I disrobed.  I filled their dishes with food, snuck a glass of Q's Jameson and found myself sunken into his couch- all within ten minutes of my arrival.  I sent him a quick text knowing that he was back in the states and just as it was delivered, a call came in from Liv.

"Hiya," I said, propping the phone to my ear in order to twist the lime over my whiskey.

"You are  _not_  going to believe this," she began, very seriously.  A little more serious than I was used to- coming from her.

"You should know by now that I'm not surprised by anything anymore, Liv," I chuckled lightly, though I was actually terrified of whatever it was she was insisting I had to know.

"Yeah, well are you sittin' down?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Well, I happened to spot a certain blonde we all love to hate at Wiggly's last night."

That got my complete attention and I shot forward again.  "You're jokin', right?"

"I kid you not, T.  Her ass looked so damn smug on the rooftop that if I wasn't on duty, I would'a gone and-"

"What's she doing there?" I interjected heatedly.

"You're guess is as good as mine.  Mardis Gras was done and over with two weeks ago.  I can't imagine she's been here that long or I would've seen her before now."

"Then what the hell?  Is this just another attempt to piss me off?  She has to know her bull shit doesn't work with me anymore.  Just...  Do what you can.  Find out why she's there."

"She better have a damn good reason."

Ten minutes later, I was silent, I'd finished my first cocktail and spun my phone absentmindedly on the coffee table.  Wiggly's had been  _my_  place.  Even though I'd loathed the bar until I actually stepped foot inside, it had since become one of my favorite memories because it was the night that had forever changed me.  Now, Cam had gone and tainted it with her vile presence.  

With that sour taste in my mouth, I carried myself back to the kitchen for another pour.  I stood against the counter, running through every reason I could think of as to why she would choose to go to New Orleans.  It was a destination for some, but for her, there had to be an ulterior motive.  It was Cam after all and I didn't trust her.  Not one bit.

*

When I got better news the following day- that Q was finally coming home, I decided I would keep my mouth shut about the whole ordeal until I was able to uncover more information.  I hadn't yet heard from Liv either, which could have been a good thing, could have been a bad thing.  Perhaps she never saw Cam again after that night or maybe she was on to something.  I wouldn't know until I got the call.  

What I wasn't expecting and what threw me right back into a vexed, overly irritated mood was a text message coming through from the one person I never, ever thought would have the audacity to do so.  I happened to be walking through a crime scene with Wes in the Bronx and just gotten all of the photographs needed for our investigation when it did.  My heart thudded in my ears as I read Cam's words over and over while my frozen hands shook with anger.

_Cam:  Your hometown is adorable, Tess.  I knew I should've visited sooner._

When Wes noticed the state of shock I was in, he walked closer.  "Hudson, why so pale?  Everything okay?"

I nodded blindly before shoving my phone away.  "Peachy."  Then I plastered an entirely fake smile on my face.  "We done here?  It's freezing."  Him and I had been standing in an abandoned train station for way too long that the nasty wind whipping through the thin, decrepit walls was starting to get to me.  Along with the taunting text from Cam.

He too nodded, bringing his leather gloved hands to his mouth to blow on them.  I desperately needed to get back to headquarters as soon as possible to contact Liv and inform Dennise of what'd just occurred.  Plus, there was no sense in airing my dirty laundry to the new guy who I'd come to enjoy working along side.  So, packing up our materials, we climbed into the Crown Vic and headed back to Manhattan.

*

It was eight o'clock that same evening.  I went to Q's after work to await his arrival and I sat, rigid as a statue at his kitchen island, my eyes meticulously picking apart Cam's Facebook page.  It was obvious she was in fact in New Orleans due to her most recent feed of pictures but for the life of me, I wanted to know why she'd sent me that message.  I never responded to it.  I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction yet I felt that it might be my only means to getting an answer.  Sure, she'd probably give me some smart remark only to tease me further but I didn't know what else I could've done.  Liv hadn't spotted her again after the night at Wiggly's so that wasn't of any help either.

"Up shit's creek," I muttered under my breath just as Q walked through his front door.  I craned my neck in his direction, giving him the best smile I could despite my current mood.  Cold air whirred around the room until he locked up and bee-lined straight for my lips.  I kissed him back and immediately, I knew he could tell something was up.  That didn't stop his hands from groping the small of my back, down to my hips and finally my thighs that he pulled around his waist.

"I fucking missed you," he groaned, slowly retreating from the brief, yet ravenous embrace.

Before my expression fell back to one of defeat and frustration, I quipped, "nice tan."

"Ha.   _Ha_ ," he replied sarcastically.  "What's going on?"

Without a word nor another thought of my initial plan to keep things hush, I swiped my phone open and handed it to him.  He read, removed his winter cap until his soft, brown eyes met mine again.  "Why would she say that, Brian?"

"I don't know, but I've about had enough with her shit," he retorted angrily- just as angrily as I'd been hours before.  He shrugged his coat off in a huff, grabbed his phone and stalked down the hallway.  My guess had to be that he was going to have a few words with her.  I shrunk on the bar stool, pulling my knees tightly to my chest as I waited in anticipation for his temper to show itself.  I'd known of it for a while and most certainly would never want to be the person on the receiving end, that was for sure.  And Cam had not a clue what was coming.  Well, she probably did because for whatever reason, Q had chosen me.  He'd put up with me at my absolute worst and been there through it all and I knew he would protect me from anything.  Just as I would him.

Unfortunately, I didn't hear the heated conversation I'd secretly been hoping for, it was only a voicemail.  A voicemail that meant business.  When he returned to the kitchen, I bit my lip and grabbed his warm hand.  "I'm glad you're home."

"Glad to be home, pretty girl," he murmured as he kissed my head.  "I'm gonna grab a shower.  You're staying tonight, right?"

With a blush on my cheeks that only he could coerce, I nodded bashfully.  A grin spread across his face and he kissed me once more before disappearing into the bathroom.  Since I'd already showered, I fixed him a glass of whiskey while I waited and sat back down at the island to refresh the screen again.  The same pictures loaded and made me just as nauseous, so I grabbed a cocktail of my own and downed it in one, healthy gulp.

What was left of the evening was spent in his bed where he drifted in and out of consciousness across my stomach.  My fingers ran through his damp hair, hoping to lull him into a good night's sleep he was much in need of.  I was almost positive the airline had put him up in some fancy hotel somewhere during the delays, but it was never the same as being at home in your own bed.  In the morning we would make up for lost time.  It would be Sunday after all and there wasn't a better way to spend it than getting lost in the man I was in love with.

But I was awoken at a horribly indecent hour before any of that happened.  Q was out of bed and his spot was cold, telling me he'd been gone for quite some time.  I could hear his voice in the living room and he was trying to remain calm, but I knew he had to have been talking to Cam judging from his loss of restraint every few moments.  I struggled to make out his words and when I couldn't, I laid my head back down to wait for his return.  I wouldn't question the words said between the two of them, I trusted that Q was doing everything in his power for our benefit and our benefit only.  Cam could go jump off a bridge, er- get her own life, as I'd said many times before.  She had to be getting bored with it all by then.  Things weren't going to change between him and I.  Not as far as I could see.  The low blows and cheap shots were getting old anyhow.  It was like it had become a part of my daily routine.  Annoying mostly, but it could be dealt with.

When he finally made his way beneath the covers again, he kept his back to me and he was still heated because I could feel the pounding of his heart and short breaths.  Attentively, I scooted closer and delicately traced the warm skin of his bicep with my fingertips to hopefully soothe him.  After a few moments passed, he grabbed my hand and I thought he might push it away because everything happening was my fault but to my delight and surprise, he pulled it to his chest.

"Sorry to wake you," he whispered.

I shook my head, resting my cheek against his shoulder.  "Brian, I..."  Pausing, I felt his pulse even out but words still eluded me.

"She won't be a problem anymore, Tess.  I promise."

"N-no.  It's not that.  I know it's my fault but I-"

He rolled over before I could finish my sentence and his lips were on mine to silence me.  "You're wrong, Tess.  It's  _not_  your fault.  She's not the person I thought she was.  You know how sorry I already am for all of this, I'm just glad you chose to stick around in spite of it."  His hand wiped a few stray curls from my forehead and even in the darkness, I could see how serious he was.  

I mirrored him, touching his scruffy cheek as tears welled in my eyes.  "I, I..."

"Please don't cry.  Not over this," he pleaded, wrapping my small frame against his.

But I wasn't tearing up because of to what he was referring, I was upset with myself because there was one colossal thing that I couldn't get off my chest.  It'd been right there since finding out how he felt about me nearly two months prior and though it scared the dickens out of me then, that fear should have been long gone.  I held onto him in an attempt to quiet my nerves and he pulled the covers around me, thus comforting me further. 

"It's just that...  That I want to tell you something.  I need to tell you somethin', but I don't know why it's so hard for me to say," I said, my voice muffled against his chest.

"You can tell me anything, Tess.  You know that."  His hand followed the curve of my spine and it warmed my heart, enough so that I was able to take a deep, tranquil breath.

I nuzzled closer to him, with the three little words still caught in my throat and went with a playful comment instead.  "I've never been more grateful for two closed head injuries that got me where I am right now.  Right here.  With you."

His abrupt, full belly laugh made me smile and wimpy tears dry instantly.  "You southern women are odd in the ways you choose to declare your affections."  Leaning back to get another look at me in his bed, on his pillow, he tucked my wild hair behind my ear.  "I love you too, pretty girl."

With fiery cheeks and the smile still on my lips, I lifted my head to kiss him.

*

In the morning, I decided to let him catch up on his sleep and slipped from his arms to make a pot of coffee.  While trying to be as quiet as a mouse, I thought about what he might have said to Cam just a few hours ago.  That and how to go about telling him how she'd sought out Liam.  If that wasn't creepy and desperate, I didn't know what was.  

I made breakfast too, more to distract myself from all the drama currently going on and just as I expected, when the bacon was done, Q appeared in the kitchen.  He smiled that delicious, sleepy smile of his, bedhead and all and that instantly sent my desire into overdrive.

Unintentionally biting my lip, I shook my head at him.  "Good _ness_ , you're a sight for sore eyes in the mornin'."

He chuckled and scratched his naked stomach as he approached.  "Feeling's mutual."  He pressed his lips to my temple while his hand grazed down my side to sneak under the t-shirt I wore.  From there, he cupped my cotton-clad derriere and pressed me back into the counter.   _Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.  Breakfast can wait_.  But then he stopped.

"Tease," I pouted, sliding my own hands around his waist to grab his rear.

"Shouldn't have made bacon then," he said smugly and reached for the plate that sat behind me.  I rolled my eyes playfully and dished out the rest of the meal I'd created before sitting down across from him at the dining room table.  He told me all about his trip and all of the propositions he'd been on the receiving end of but I knew that was to be expected.  I couldn't grasp how he handled all of that day in and day out.  There were plenty of other women out there smarter than me, prettier than me and I was sure some of them had to have been on that cruise with him.  That was when he told me he couldn't wait to be out of the spotlight, to just be a regular guy again.

"You're a regular guy to me.  Kinda," I said with a smile as I raised up to clear the table.

" _Kind_  of?" he replied, seemingly offended.

"Well, yeah.  I just- I mean, I know what you do for a living, but I-"  Stopping, I pursed my lips because he'd begun to laugh at my stammering.  "You're an ass."

"Sorry, go on," he said mockingly, failing miserably to cease his amusement.

"No."  I continued to rinse the plates and pans in the sink, trying to ignore his next pass at me.  His fingers meandered beneath my shirt again and tantalizingly, they traced the contours of my torso.

"I'll get it out of you, one way or another," he murmured suggestively against the nape of my neck.  I spun, wrapping my soapy arms around him and he lifted me off the ground to carry us back to his bedroom.  He laid me down and pushed my shirt up just enough to cover my eyes and ordered me not to move.  I obeyed the best I could, for as long as I could until he had me panting and nearly writhing beneath his caress.

"Brian.  Please," I begged.

And he was quick to answer.  His mouth consumed me not a second later and my hands shot to his head where they ended up tangled in his mess of hair.  My back arched to get even closer to him, but that wasn't possible.  His arms encompassed my thighs and he pulled them tighter to him to where his beard excited my overly sensitive skin.  The fact that I couldn't see anything either made each flick of his tongue even more arousing.  I could only feel him, smell him and love him more than I did the day before.

When he halted just as I was about to come undone again, a whimper escaped me but I knew that it was only going to get better from there.  The bed shifted underneath me as he removed his boxers and I felt him press into me with one swift motion.  My body welcomed him, free to do as he pleased since I'd already had three orgasms under my belt.  He was passionate, leaving his marks on my skin with his teeth and his strong fingers, like he couldn't get enough.  But that was okay.  I was an addict.  I wanted those constant reminders of our love-making and missed them fiercely since he'd been away from me.  He didn't really hurt me in that sense, it was more of a fleeting, minuscule twinge of pain that was always healed with a tender brush of his lips.  I'd read Fifty Shades and this, what happened between us, was no where near the sadism in that book.

Easily, as if I weighed nothing at all, he flipped me over and sank his teeth once again into the blade of my shoulder.  I cried out and arched my back, jutting my hips inadvertently toward him as his hands slid down the front of my body where he could continue his salacious assault.  Cursing vehemently under his breath over and over, he took great care to bring us both to the brink within a matter of just a few more intense thrusts.  He collapsed and I fell beneath him, our bodies heat searing us to his mattress.

I laid my head on his chest when all said and done, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  No wonder they say sex was a stress reliever.  It'd gotten my mind off of just about everything going on in my life aside from what Q had done to me over the last hour and we laid in a tangled, sheet-less mess of limbs.  The bliss soon became a distant memory when my euphoric state began to wear off and what I'd found out about Cam came rushing back.

"So, I know I'm about to ruin the moment here, but Dennise did some research last week.  On...  Cam.  I knew it couldn't have just been a coincidence she went after Liam," I began, pausing for any sign of distaste from him.  When he didn't object, I continued, "I...  I went to an art gallery one night with him and it just so happens that Cam's had exhibits there too.  She's actually an acquaintance of the artist friend and...  There was a picture of Liam and I taken while we were there put up on his website."

"So, you think she did it on purpose?"

"I have no doubt.  And for her to go to Louisiana and send me that text...  She's out for something, Brian."

"Regardless of any of that, it's in the past now.  She got the hint last night."

"How can you be so sure?  We thought we were done with her months ago and here she is, still peckin' around.  What's she gonna do next?"

"Nothing, okay?  She's just trying to get under your skin and she doesn't deserve it.  Just drop it, Tess," he replied.  

_Ouch_.  I watched him climb from the bed, covered in nothing but sunlight but I remained, perturbed with myself more so than his reaction.  I'd fully expected it to be that way, I just wished that he might believe that she had something else planned for me.  I didn't know what, when or where to expect it- if she were to stoop low again.  I thought that maybe she wouldn't seeing how she got the wrath of Brian Quinn just hours ago, but it was Cam.  And she was out of her damn mind.

*

Monday morning rolled around all too soon and though I'd spent the remainder of Sunday with Q, he kept quiet most of it.  I figured he had to be exhausted from his trip and perhaps slightly irritated with my presence, so I had left him before dinner time to unwind by himself.

It was still dark outside, though it was nearly eight a.m. as I trekked down the sidewalk toward headquarters when I caught something out of the corner of my eye.  It was a mere flash of gold under the street light a few blocks down and in the distance, I could hear the rumbling of a car engine that surely sounded like it needed some work.  Not uncommon in New York.  Or anywhere for that matter.  If I'd brought my 1994 F-150 with me, I probably would have been looked at the same way.  If there were civilian cars on the road there in the city besides the sea of yellow taxi cabs, they consisted mostly of the brand new, shiny model type.

I smiled at the officer assigned to the front once I passed through the turn-style and headed to the elevator.  When the doors parted, I was met with Wes's pearly white smile and mess of blonde curls.  "Good mornin'."

"Morning, Hudson.  You look well today," he replied with that curt, innocent smirk of his.  I never took it as rude, but he was pretty much all business and as professional as they come.

"I wouldn't go that far, but thanks," I laughed sheepishly, climbing in.  Riding to our floor, I was pleased to see Dennise already at her desk with her nose in some paperwork.  Until she glanced up, of course.

"Hudson, you're glowing," she teased.

I stopped because not only had Wes halted beside me, but Brandon's head peeked above his computer screen.  "What?" I asked.

"You do have a certain...  Air about you this morning," Brandon chided in.

I rolled my eyes and continued to my desk.  "I do not.  I just got here anyhow.  You know nothing."  Setting my things down, I turned to Dennise.  " _I'm_ the one who's glowing?  Have you seen yourself this morning?  Your hair looks...  Shinier."

There was no doubt her and Sal had had quite the reunion as well and her jaw fell open in amazement that I'd poke fun at her too.  "It's called a deep conditioning treat- nevermind," she said, stopping before she opened herself up to an innuendo from Brandon.  Those were usually reserved for me.

Brandon let out an animated laugh with his signature sharky grin and I couldn't help but join him.  Why the hell not?  It was Monday morning and well, Monday's sucked as far as I was concerned.  Wes remained quiet through the ordeal as I'm sure it might have been a bit awkward for him.  While he had been working with us for a while now, he had to be less than concerned with our lives outside of the office.  In fact, I didn't know much about his.  He didn't go out with us after work but I figured he wasn't a drinker or he wasn't that into socializing.  I liked him though, I could tell Dennise and Brandon did too yet I couldn't recall him ever talking about himself.  He wore no wedding ring and there was no indentation of where one might have been but that didn't mean there wasn't a lady in his life.  Maybe I'd dig a little deeper later on when it was just the two of us and maybe apologize for things getting a little unscrupulous first thing in the morning.  

When Commanding Officer Marshall trudged from the elevator, everyone sobered.  We could joke with him too, but the look on his face informed us there was a more serious matter at hand.  "Hudson.  Savage.  My office.  Now."

My face blanched instantly and I looked to Dennise.  All she did was shrug, unknowing as I was.  I caught up with Wes and stepped inside Marshall's chilly office, certainly glad I hadn't removed my coat yet.  The walls were white, but they were peppered with certificates and awards, pictures of himself with various officers and what not.  The desk was a dark chestnut which went strikingly well with the royal blue carpet we stood on.

"Detective Savage, I'm going to need your expertise on what I got word on.  Now, we don't have a body, but there's been a kidnapping and SVU has asked for a specific team," he began brusquely.  He took his coat to hang on the rack beside me and I stepped out of his way, still clueless as to why I was being brought into the briefing.  I really thought I'd done something wrong.

"Yes sir," Wes nodded and Marshall handed over a manila envelope.  He took it, disappearing through the door.

He didn't ask any questions thereafter even though I had a hundred.  No, a thousand.  I was a crime scene unit detective.  I put the pieces together afterward.  I didn't investigate crimes still in progress.  I'd hardly gotten to do any of that while I was a detective in Louisiana as it was so naturally, I was baffled.

"Sir, I-"

"Savage has the experience, Hudson.  He knows what to do and he's good at it," Marshall interjected.

"Then why is he still working CSU?  Here?" I countered.

"You already know the answer to that."  He ran a hand through his short, grey hair and took a seat behind his desk.

"I'm back at one-hundred-percent, sir."

"I understand that, detective.  But you make a good team and you could use some field work.  You don't want to stare at boring crime scene photos day in and day out," he mentioned passively, giving me a bored look.   _Oh, here we go again_.  People telling me what they think I want and don't want.  It was like talking to my father and my old boss back in New Orleans.  

"I like it here, sir.  And I  _am_  in the field."   _Well, some days_.

"Detective Savage and I have already talked and he's requested you."

My brow furrowed further and I shook my head in disbelief.  Did Dennise know?  Brandon?  If they didn't, were they going to chastise me for leaving them high and dry?  Off to a totally different department than my own, one that had become my home.  A weird, kind of misfit home where our job was to analyze the horrid things people did, but we were a tight knit trio.

"I couldn't possibly be of any help," I said almost under my breath.

"You will be of great help, Detective Hudson.  I'm bringing in some others to fill the gap while you're working with SVU so you have nothing to worry about on that end."

Not another word could come from my mouth as I exited and went straight for the locker room to gather my bearings.  Dennise barged in, nearly scaring me half to death.  "What was that all about?" she inquired.

"Marshall wants me to head up some case with Wes over in SVU.  A...  A kidnapping," I uttered.  I gave her a pained expression, mostly because I didn't want to upset her.

"Uh, that's kind of awesome, Tess.  Don't you think?"

"I have no idea what I'm doing."  I shook out my curls after removing my hat and leaned my hands on the metal sink.

She laughed, "of course you do.  With patrol under your belt and what you did in Louisiana, and here I'd say you know what you're doing."

"Shouldn't he have picked you?  Or Brandon?  I mean, I'm still the new one here and I don't want to piss anyone off."

"Do I look pissed?"  When I didn't answer, she grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her.  "Do.  I.  Look.  Pissed?"  Shamefully, I shook my head.  "And as far as Brandon goes, of course he's going to razz you about it but all in good fun.  Then you can punch him in the throat."

"Punch who in the throat?" Brandon asked as he poked his head in.

"Can you read?  It says women's locker room," Dennise retorted but it didn't stop him from entering.

"Just hoping to get a little show or something," he kidded with a shrug.

"Get out," she commanded.

"Hey, I thought getting laid was supposed to put you in a good mood."

I couldn't help but snicker as a feeling of ease washed over me.  Dennise filled him in, after smacking his arm of course and it had Brandon practically bouncing off the walls.

"It's not really that big'a deal now that I think about it.  I mean, it's only temporary.  I'll be back..." I said quietly.

"But you might like it, Louisiana," Brandon said.  He draped his arm over my shoulders and led me back out to the sea of desks.

"I don't like the thought of leaving you guys," I sighed.

He shrugged again.  "I hear Marshall's picked you a good replacement.  Hear she's pretty hot, too."

Groaning, I shoved him away.  "You're so endearing sometimes it makes my stomach hurt."

He sauntered off, laughing to himself and I again found myself smiling.  Dennise had been right about him.  Though annoying at times, you couldn't help but adore the hell out of him.  If Liv were there with me in New York, they would have made the perfect couple.

I sat down in my chair and clasped my frigid fingers together, deciding when to approach Wes.  I was apprehensive yet excited at the same time, but one feeling never trumped the other so I sat for another good ten minutes in silence.

"Hudson, you ready?  They're expecting us upstairs."

It was Wes's voice that drew me from my stupor.  Swallowing hard, I gathered my things and diligently followed him to the elevator.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She loved him and he loved her but it wasn't that simple.

I arrived on Wes's coattails and nearly knocked into him when he halted in front of an open office door.  I heard a myriad of conversations going on from behind his tall frame, none of which I could make sense of.  But they all seemed to stop once they took notice of Wes's presence.  He said good morning to all of them and stepped aside to reveal my much smaller, seemingly frail, uncertain, nervous company.

"I would like you all to meet Detective Hudson from CSU.  She's agreed to help us on this case," Wes said casually, then made his way to one of the tables to set his things down.  The SVU team rattled off their introductions like I was going to remember any of their names in my current state of bewilderment and fogginess.  I should have been able to play it cooler and not looked like such a fish out of water but it was Monday morning and this news had just been thrust into my lap not even fifteen minutes beforehand.

After that had been established, everyone went back to mulling over the boards set up in the front of the room.  Someone had been kidnapped.  Against their very will and we had no idea if they were dead or alive.  Time was ticking.  That alone put a lot of pressure on me- on all of us at that.  This was going to be my first real chance to stop some gruesome crime from happening.  Hopefully.  Not that kidnapping wasn't bad enough already, but maybe we could stop anything else horrific from happening.  To stop my team downstairs from having to decode clues and evidence that shouldn't happen in the first place.

"Hudson, you ready?"  Snapping me from my preoccupied, worried thoughts was Wes and I immediately nodded.  I took a deep breath and followed him and one other detective from the corner office to the elevators.

That week was one I would never forget.  We started at the bottom and worked our way to narrowing our search to just two suspects in the span of five days.  Which meant five days of no sleep.  I dedicated every moment I had to finding the victim who just happened to be a woman the same age as I was.  Her family had been devastated with her disappearance and seeing the looks and the tears on their faces nearly tore my heart in two every time I met with them.  We had to find her.  We just had to.

The sixth night, I paced back and forth in front of all of the evidence we'd collected under the fluorescent lights of that office where it had all began.  What I didn't know was that Wes was watching me from the door, leisurely leaning against it's frame with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Do that any longer and I think they'll have to have to replace the carpet," he kidded as he made his way inside.

I stopped moving, unfazed by his interruption.  "You really think this is a good time to joke around?"

He held his free hand up in surrender then sat himself on one of the tables.  "Easy, Hudson.  I want to find her as much as you do."

I groaned in frustration with myself and flopped into a computer chair.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to snap at you, I haven't slept."

"Nor have I.  Though you pull off the look much better than anyone else."

"Oh please."  He was lying.  My hair was frizzy and flat at the same time and my eyes were more than bloodshot.  The dark bags beneath them didn't help matters either.  I closed them and squeezed the bridge of my nose as I thought more about each detail that I had memorized about the case.

"It's after two, the other detectives are on their way to relieve us so go lay down for a while.  I'll wake you when your time's up," he offered.

"There's no way in hell that I can-"

"That's an order, Hudson."

My original plan to contest him was simply because I was stubborn, but the mere beautiful mention of sleep sounded heavenly.  And maybe if I gave my mind a rest for a little while, something might come to me and we'd catch the guy.  Then I'd finally be able to see Q again.  I found the office that held the creaky, leather couch and collapsed onto it the moment I was close enough.  Surprisingly, slumber found me easily and I was out like a light in no time.  Along with a very strange, yet lifelike dream. 

I blamed it on everything I'd come to know that week though it was completely unrelated.  It was my accident.  I could see myself being dragged and thrown around in the snow like some ragdoll.  In front of my very own home.  It was still dark.  I could only make out silhouettes of two bodies.  Mine and my assailant.  It was a man, I'd already established that months ago because he had superior strength but nothing stuck out.  Not a damn thing.  I cursed myself as I watched it all unfold, the cries and whimpers that came from me were pitiful and I was really pissed that I hadn't put up more of a fight.  _Coulda-shoulda-woulda_ , my conscience said.  It was still there, even in the dream.  Once I laid unconscious after my neighbor had scared him off, there was a low, rumbling idle of a car engine.  A sound that was still fresh.  I'd heard it before.  Recently, too.  But what did it mean?

"Hudson, wake up," Wes said in soft hum as he shook my shoulder. 

I shot up in a cold sweat and couldn't believe that I was out of breath.  "Wh-what's going on?  Did you find something?"

Sadly, he shook his head.  "No.  I heard commotion and thought I'd better check on you.  Working this kinda stuff can mess with your head.  I figured you must have been having a bad dream."

"A commotion?" I inquired, confused and still coming to.  I could see him in the dim light from the hall trying to hide his smile, so I stood and straightened my already wrinkled button down shirt.

"You were...  Talking.  Well, kind of, um, yelling."

"Get outta here," I gasped as I covered my mouth.  My tired face went beet red until I started to laugh with him.  "Fuck, that's embarrassing.  Was it bad?  What did I say?"

"Don't be embarrassed.  Happens to the best of us after being awake for five days straight.  I couldn't make anything out and you stopped when I got here, so I woke you up."

I couldn't remember saying anything in the dream so I could only imagine what had come out of my mouth while I was out.  _Thank God it wasn't a sex dream_ , I thought to myself.  Although no one had ever told me I talked in my sleep.  Not even Liv and she would have been the first one to say something.

"Well, sorry about that.  I can get back to work," I told him.

"Not even an hour, Tess.  You can still rest," he replied as he too stood.

"No, I'm good.  I...  I'm just gonna brush my teeth."  I went to the door, but I stopped for some reason and turned to him.  "I was dreaming about the night that this all happened."  I pointed to my forehead and my eye even though he probably couldn't make it out in the absence of light.

"Pretty normal."

"I know.  Not the first one either, but do you think...  Maybe you'd reopen the report with me sometime?  I have to find out who did it," I asked rather shyly.  I'd already hounded Dennise and Brandon over and over to no avail.  Asking him wouldn't hurt I didn't think.

"Of course, Hudson.  But it'll have to wait until this case is sealed-"

"Oh, I know.  There's no rush.  I just...  Like you've said to me a few times, maybe a fresh set of eyes will help," I said with a fatigued smile.

He returned the gesture but still appeared much more alert than I felt.  "You got it."

I had something new that I had never dreamt of before, the simple sound of a car engine.  It might have been there that night, it might not have.  It was hard to tell over the rustling of bodies and crunching of snow beneath boots.  Impressions that were masked by the harsh winter and had long since disappeared.  It was still something because I'd heard the same sound at the beginning of the work week.  Minuscule maybe, but way the hell better than whatever it was I was missing.

Feeling a bit better than I had before I'd gotten barely an hour of sleep, I headed to the bathroom to clean myself up.  When I caught sight of myself in the mirror, it solidified the fact that Wes had indeed lied.  I was a wreck.  My hair stuck out in every direction, unattractively, on the top of my head and my face, well, it looked like I'd been hit by a truck.

"Spectacular," I mumbled as I grabbed my toothbrush.  As I stood there, I let my mind wander back to Q.  I missed his hands on me, his warmth, mainly being in his company.  He knew that I'd been assigned to a new case and that I was going to be pretty much unavailable until we caught our perpetrator, but he understood.  Of course he would.  He was constantly on the run and away from home, away from me because of work too.  Then there was Cam who always, always sat in the back of my thoughts.  Looking all smug and snide and victorious.  As much as I wanted to believe that she wasn't going to have an effect on me, she was constantly there, like some sort of life-sucking enigma I would never be rid of.  Not as long as I had anything to do with Q.

A sharp knock on the door interrupted that train of thought and I quickly swished and rinse to meet Wes.  "You found him, Tess.  C'mon, we're heading out now."

My heart both plummeted to my feet and rose to my throat at the same time as his words sank in.  Swiftly, I gathered my jacket and pulled my department issued 9mm holster from the chair and threw both on.  A part of me felt that our presence wouldn't be necessary with the arrest because they usually brought in an even more specialized team to do that, but I had an inkling Wes had again pulled some strings after seeing how devoted I was to finding the victim and her captor.

Once inside the unmarked SUV, it skidded away from the curb and I turned to him.  "Is she alive?"

He nodded with that small grin that made his crows feet crinkle and instantly, I breathed a sigh of relief.  I couldn't wait to see the disgusting human in handcuffs and well on his way to prison.  And the girl, I couldn't wait until the moment she was reunited with her family.  I couldn't imagine the feeling and it pained me more than anything that my father had to go through something like that with me.  My situation was different of course, but the sense of not knowing if your child would be alive or dead had to leave a mark. 

We were in the Bronx in under forty minutes given the time of day, which was about four a.m. and even with a fair amount of snow falling, the driver seemed the least bit worried.  SWAT was already on scene as we pulled up behind their van and Wes motioned for me to remain put as he climbed out.  I looked out the window, up at the decrepit building that shed no light on the black street.  We had cover and the element of surprise, that was what mattered.  My chest was tight as I waited alone in the car until Wes came for me.  Why he trusted me I was still unsure of, but he kept his voice low, telling me we'd be following the team in from behind.  The suspect was on the second level with many means for escape.  I nodded precisely, un-holstering my weapon as I followed stride.

I'd been on a few raids back in Louisiana, so it wasn't all entirely new to me but this case had consumed my life for almost seven days.  I'd been a part of it from the beginning and I wanted to see it all go down in person.  I _had_ to be there.  And I was going to owe Wes, big time.  It was darker once we got inside and we had a flight of stairs to climb, but I remained as stealth-like as the next guy.  My arms straightened when I pointed my gun at the floor and waited for SWAT to close in from either side.  Wes stood across from me, mirroring my stance and I braced myself for whatever was going to happen next.  All I could see from our end of the hall were the small lights the officers wore come to a halt at the door that supposedly held our guy.  And the poor victim.  I needed to focus all the hatred I had for the scumbag into something more positive.  I had to be positive for her.

But what I didn't expect was to have previously mentioned scumbag come flying from a door much closer to me than to SWAT that knocked me back into the window.  My head connected with the glass pretty hard, somehow managing to remain intact as Wes grabbed him off of me and threw him to the ground.  Wes's knee pressed fiercely into the suspect's back as vulgar words flew from his mouth, mostly aimed at the pain Wes was calling yet he still had the gall to make a few remarks in my direction.  True psychopath.

SWAT was there within seconds and in those seconds, my thought immediately went back to the victim.  "The girl!  Where is she?" I yelled over the racket unfolding in front of me.  I wasn't answered so I hissed through my teeth, climbed over the bodies that were subduing the kidnapper and made my way down the long, narrow hallway.

I thought I heard Wes calling for me but the thudding in my ears shut most everything out.  My weapon was drawn in case of another surprise attack and reached the door after what felt like an eternity.  The apartment stunk to high heaven, even standing outside the door.

"NYPD, ma'am.  My name is Detective Hudson.  Are you hurt in any way?" I called out, desperately praying for an answer.  I waited a few moments before trying again.  "Ma'am, I'm with NYPD and we have your kidnapper in custody.  You're safe now."  I listened harder, inching my ear closer to the entrance to the dank room and heard some rustling about.  "Can you walk to my voice?  You're safe now."

Then I heard sniffles.  She was crying which I couldn't blame her.  Not in a million years.  "Y-you're wrong."

"Is there someone else in there with you?" I inquired immediately. 

Wes's hand suddenly jerked me back before I could advance any farther.  "Are you crazy?  We always knew there was a possibility of an accomplice, Hudson."

"We have to get her out of there."

"And we will."

In my blind rage, or stupidity- I hadn't decided that yet, I didn't see SWAT approach from the other end of the hallway.  I fell back with Wes and waited impatiently for them to do what they came there to do.  There was more shouting that came about and Wes stepped in front of me, moving toward the door again.  And I had that blinding emotion come over me once more.  But I behaved, keeping my gun safely pointed at the ground until it may or may not had to have been used.

When two of the officers came out with a pig of a man, belly hanging out from an undershirt two sizes too small and dirty underwear, I almost gagged.  His hair was greasy and plastered to his forehead and most certainly where the awful stench had been coming from.  When they cleared the scene, Wes and I entered to find a feeble, weak young woman with her bloody wrists bound in zip-ties that were strung to a hook in the ceiling.  Naturally, she coiled away from us because she couldn't see due to the blindfold, but Wes knelt a few feet from her and spoke softly in an attempt to soothe her.

"I'm Detective Savage and I promise you, you _are_ safe now, okay?  I'm going to cut you free and my good friend Detective Hudson here is going to get something to cover you up."  He glanced back at me and my eyes darted around the disgusting flat for anything to help.  Just then, a thermal blanket was thrown over my shoulder.  She sobbed and sniffled more and Wes moved with so much care that hell, even I felt safe.  With gentle attentiveness, he pulled out his pocket knife to cut the plastic from her skin and helped her up in which I quickly wrapped her snug in the warm fabric.

The rest of the morning flew by in a flash.  We got in contact with her parents and she was off to the hospital and my job was done.  Aside from the paperwork.  That was going to be less than fun.  But the captain- my temporary boss arrived once the sun had risen and ordered both Wes and I take the rest of the weekend off.  We were to report back Monday morning for debriefing and we'd go from there.  But all I could think of was sleep.  A good, hearty meal, a hot shower and my warm bed.  Hopefully with Q in it.  That thought alone made me smile even wider as I stood on the sidewalk.

"I'll take you home.  Brooklyn, right?"

Too tired now that every ounce of my adrenaline had been expended, I nodded and climbed into the passenger side of a black Crown Victoria.  Thank goodness it had been running since the weather outside was less than pleasant.  Twenty and thirty degree temperatures I'd become accustomed to, but single digits were harsh.  Even Wes seemed affected by it, but he was a transplant too.  His sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and still tanned skin gave that away.  I never asked where he was from but his slight accent told me somewhere on the east coast.  One of the Carolina's maybe.  I shot Q a quick text to let him know I was headed home and that I'd really like for him to be there when I arrived, but it was still pretty early and didn't put any money on it.  I figured he'd get back to me when he woke up and we could hopefully spend the night together.  It was an afterthought though, because just as my journey home began, I fell into a deep, deep sleep.

*

I awoke in a haze and blurred bodies flashed beside me.  I was still in the passenger's seat but there were two men yelling at one another.  I saw one push the other as I tried to shake the sleep away with little success.  Groggy, like I was extremely intoxicated, my frozen hands reached for the seatbelt and tried to swing my feet out onto the street when a wave of nausea overcame everything going on around me.

"St-stop!" I hollered though it was a weak attempt.  I leaned over just in time and threw up the contents of my gut into the snow just outside the car.

"Why the fuck wouldn't you take her to the hospital if she hit her head?  You stupid son of a bitch!" one of them barked and in that instant, I knew it was Q.  He'd gotten my message after all and he was waiting for me.  And I suddenly remembered hitting my head.  But adrenaline was high at the time so I thought nothing of it.  It was my fault.  Not Wes's.

"Brian...  Brian!  He didn't know!" I tried to holler again as I wiped my face the best I could.

"I'm sorry, I really am.  Had I known I would have had the guys check her out at the scene.  Honest," Wes said.

"Shut the hell up.  Tess, give me your phone," Q ordered.

Furrowing my brow, my blurred vision hopelessly tried to bring him into focus.  "Why?" 

"I'm calling that doctor friend of yours."

That got my stomach rolling again, right along with my pounding head.  "Jesus, Brian.  No.  If it'll make you feel better, just take me to the ER.  He's probably in surgery."  I dry heaved a few more times as he demanded again for my cell so I conceded and handed it to him.

"I can take her.  The car's still warm-"

"No, Wes.  You've done enough.  Just go," I interjected to prevent anymore animosity between the two.  My legs were wobbly when I stood and Q caught me as I faltered.

"Dr. Hunt, er, Liam, whatever the fuck.  It's Brian Quinn.  Tess's boyfriend.  She needs to be seen right away."  And that was all I could recall before my world went dark again.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.

I knew the feeling, the sounds, the smell all too familiar to me when I regained consciousness.  Again.  And what a horrible case of deja vu it was.  Minus the pounding headache.  That and it was way better than the apartment I'd recently come into contact with, but being back in the hospital wasn't too far off.  I despised them, just as my father did.  That time though, it was daylight- not some ungodly hour.

Q's warm fingers encircled mine when he saw my eyes flutter and it brought a smile to my face.  "Please tell me what happened," he pleaded quietly.

"We saved a girl, Brian.  She was kidnapped and we saved her," I whispered just as tears filled my eyes for some odd, unforeseen reason.  Compassion, victory, perhaps.

"I heard that.  And it's great.  But what happened with you?  When did you hit your head?  Why didn't you tell anyone?" he continued.  The chair slid loudly across the floor as he moved closer.

"I...  I don't remember hitting my head," I replied.  Honestly, I couldn't.  With the week's tireless work, my brain was done for.

His forehead fell to the back of my hand.  "Your CT scan shows you have another concussion, Tess."  His voice was much too thick for me to handle at that moment so I sat up and ran my hand through his hair.

"I'm awake and I feel fine," I said in an attempt to smooth things over.

"And your eye.  It's worse than it was before."

I blinked a few times with the mentioning of it, but I could see.  "Brian, please look at me."

"Tell me what happened!"  It was a restrained outburst, but that didn't stop me from jumping slightly at the tone of his voice as he shoved back and stood.

Tears welled again and I shook my head.  "I told you I don't remember."

"You went on a fucking raid after some sick bastard.  After some dangerous...   _Person,_ that you had no business doing in the first place.  You did your job.  You didn't need to go," he ranted passionately as he paced the room.

"Yes, I had to go, Brian.  I _had_ to make sure she was okay."  My voice was much softer because his reaction to my decision had me taken aback.  I was under the impression that he had understood what I'd done all week.

"That guy, Wes, he told me one of the guys tried to attack you-"

"And I always told you my job was a risk," I interrupted with a little more strength in order to get my point across.

"An unnecessary one, Tess.  Don't you see where I'm coming from?  You didn't have to go.  That wasn't asked of you.  You put the pieces together and let the guys do the dirty work."

"Excuse me?"

"You're the brain, Tess.  The smart one.  You find the assholes and let the other guys bring them down."

"I went for _her_."

He finally stopped pacing and looked me square in the face.  "They caught your guys and she's fine.  Because of you, she's gonna be okay.  But you...  You putting yourself in harms way like that, I can't live like that, Tess."

Emotion swelled in my chest, so much that it made it painful to look at him.  I averted my gaze to the window and took a deep breath as to not let any tears fall down my cheeks.  "I don't know what to tell you, Brian.  I was doing my job.  I _was_ doing what was asked of me.  Wes asked me to go.  He is my superior.  I was following orders."

"You could have said no."

I fought not to scoff at him and pulled my knees to my chest.  "For someone who's worked in public service before, I thought you of all people would understand."

He opened his mouth to speak again when Liam entered the room.  "Is this a bad time?" he asked with a slight wide-eyed expression.

"No, it's fine.  Fill me in, Doc," I replied coolly.  But on the inside, my blood was boiling.  Q had a lot of nerve to say what he had.  Again, part of it was because I was stubborn but for him, to what I assume was going to be a gender thing was completely uncalled for.

"Minor concussion.  But lucky you were in such good company when you lost consciousness," Liam began and I failed at not rolling my eyes.  "Your eye has lost a little more pigment but everything checks out okay.  Retina's good, optic nerve is fine, so I think you're good to go.  And remember, even though this isn't as bad as the last time, no strenuous activities."  With a sly, cheeky wink, my face remained unamused though a fiery blush spread across it as he signed off on my chart.

Later that evening, I still hadn't spoken a word to Q once arriving home.  And I knew he wasn't going to leave me by myself anytime soon, so I went on with my routine.  Showering first, I then dressed in a warm pair of sweats and sweatshirt and sat down on my bed to retrieve my awaiting messages.  I told Dennise I was fine, in and out of the hospital within a few hours and that I was home. 

As I scrolled through to find Brandon, my thumb stopped on the one from Cam a couple weeks prior.  What she'd been doing in my hometown, or how she'd even found out about it was still a mystery.  And as to why she'd travel the two hours from New Orleans to see it, that was also beyond me.

Maybe my judgment was completely lacking, but I opened it up to reply.

_Can we meet somewhere and talk sometime?  I'd really like to try and make things right._

I didn't know if I'd get a response and if I did, I wasn't so sure it would be the nicest either.  I didn't know what to expect.  But it was out there for her to do with it what she wanted.  She'd been nothing but nasty to me, yet I was raised to treat people kindly.  I thought that if we were able to sit down and have a conversation, then we could both move on with our lives.  _You know that's wishful thinking, right?  The bitch is crazy_ , my conscience shouted.  I pressed my eyes shut to get rid of the negativity only to be about seventy-five percent successful.

The other reason for my mood entered my bedroom just as I turned the screen off.  "Look, Tess, I-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Brian.  So what if I'm a woman?  I'm perfectly capable of handling myself.  The guy jumped out and knocked me back, it was nothin' more than that so just let it go," I interjected heatedly.

Surprising me, he remained calm.  "First of all, that wasn't what I was going to say.  Being a woman on the force is a great thing, I just, I..."

 _He loves you, you dope.  Be nice._   "It was only temporary, Brian.  But you have to know that even in CSU I'm at risk too.  I still survey crime scenes where someone could be lurking around."  I too lowered my voice to slow the thud of my heart.

"The chances are slim-"

"How would you know?"

Exasperated, he sat down on the bed beside me.  "I don't wanna argue with you anymore, Tess."

"Then quit makin' this a bigger deal than it is," I shot back.

He gave me a bored look before pulling me into his arms.  "I think it's rather valid, pretty girl."  And he kissed my lips.  And I had nothing left to contest him. 

My arms snaked around his neck and I hugged him tightly, burying my face into his warm neck.  "You win, for _now_.  But that's only because I've been awake for a week straight."

"Tell you what," he paused, leaning back to look at me, "I'll get something to eat and we'll watch movies until you fall asleep."

"Better hurry," I murmured through a yawn.  He kissed me quickly again before situating me beneath the covers and handed me the remote.  I flipped through the movie channels until finding a good zombie apocalypse movie and waited patiently for him, hoping I'd still be awake by the time he returned.

Luckily, he was and I sank my teeth into a hot, delicious grilled cheese as I sat snugly against him.  His arm was around my shoulder and he ate with his free hand, even helping me from the bed so I could brush my teeth when we were through.  I heard him, just barely, say something about hopping in the shower himself but my eyelids had closed and my brain had officially turned off for the night.

In the morning though, I was thoroughly rejuvenated by the time I awoke at ten.  The skylight above the bed was still covered in a decent amount of snow, so the room had a blue hue to it.  Q laid asleep beside me on his back and with a mischievous smirk, I disappeared beneath the covers.  It wasn't until then that I'd been missing, craving, yearning to do what we did best and I thought I'd better take advantage before the prior day's conversations were revisited.  I knew they would be, I just wasn't ready to deal with them yet.  He wore his usual boxers and must've been slightly awakened with my movements on the mattress because he stood gloriously within my reach.

"Tess..."  I heard him whisper, but he quickly silenced when I ran the pad of my thumb against him.  He throbbed, I bit my lip, becoming more and more desirous with his response to my touch.

He was velvety soft but unyielding at the same time and his skin still smelled fresh from his shower the night before.  My mouth nearly watered for him and I grew impatient to have him writhing beneath me.  He'd always had power over me and judging by his body language at that moment and the few other times I had taken advantage of, it seemed as if I had some control over him as well. 

But maybe he allowed it for my benefit, not his.  Of course he did get _something_ out of it, yet, still hanging in the back of my mind was that whatever it was we had could still only be temporary.  I believed that he did love me, but part of me, to that very day doubted wholeheartedly that _I_ would be the one to change him.  But I had never wanted him to change for me and he knew that.  I'd only agreed to go along for the ride.  I loved him too and in the end, that would be what would kill me.

His hand firmly gripping the back of my neck drew me from my reverie and he forced me to my back.  I didn't oppose, I knew he'd put a stop to my mouth on him before I got too carried away, so instead I hooked my thigh over his hip and opened my body to him.  His lips covered my skin in slow, heated kisses as he teased my core and his whispers caused me draw in sharp breaths in their wake.  And finally, with enough coercing from deep within my chest, he made love to me that morning.  At least I thought he did.  He could say anything to those he chose to speak of it to, but to me, it was slow, sweet.  Passionate at moments but mostly tender.  There was a certain affection in his deep, chocolate eyes and the way his brow pulled together when he drew closer to the edge reaffirmed that what we had was real- for the time being.

He hadn't been my first nor I his, but the way he made me feel in the bedroom was something one could only hope to find in their lifetime.  I wouldn't hold him to anything if our situation happened to change, I would simply be grateful for the time we spent together.  And I would still love him.  Though as I said before, it may kill me, I would still love him.

He was at my back, pressed tightly to me when my shoulders began to tremble.  All of the thoughts consumed me out of nowhere and all at once, so I climbed from the bed before he could say anything.  Maybe one night's rest wasn't enough and I was still overtired.  Shutting the bathroom door, I leaned my hands on the vanity to get a good look at myself.  I wiped away the threatening tears, inhaling and exhaling to get some of the color to return to my face.  I was nearly ghost white which in turn brought out the dark, haggard circles beneath my eyes.  My left had gotten worse.  He'd been right.  What remained of my once chestnut iris was almost entirely a smoke grey color.  My father was going to have a fit.  Not that he hadn't been there through something worse with me a few months prior, I was more afraid of him being disappointed with my irresponsibility on the job.

"You okay, Tess?" Q asked with a soft knock the door.

I jumped, nodding as if he could see me.  "Y-yeah.  Out in a sec."  Hurriedly, I washed up and came out to slip into some clean clothes.  His stare was heavy, so as I pulled a hoodie over my head, I turned to him with a smile.  "Just thinkin' about the case.  Kinda caught me off guard."  I instantly recognized the disbelief in his expression but he was kind enough to leave it alone when I said that I had to call my dad.  He didn't need to know the senseless thoughts spinning around my head just about as much as I needed another concussion.

*

When I was cleared to go back to work a few days later, I was happy to find out I'd be returning to my second family in the crime scene unit.  It was as if no time had passed at all and I expected nothing less than playful banter and rousing to proceed the moment I stepped off the elevator.  It all looked the same, but there were a few new faces hard at work throughout the office.

"My darling Louisiana," Brandon chirped as he draped his arm casually over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked, just waiting for it to begin.

"What, _what_?  I was just going to say that you've been missed," he replied.

"I call bull shit," I laughed.  I stopped at Dennise's desk and shrugged his arm away.

"Truth is," she leaned closer and lowered her voice although Brandon still stood right beside me.

"Fuller-"

"He hasn't stopped talking about you all week.  It's getting kind of obnoxious, really."

With a hearty, sarcastic chuckle, I nudged him and went to my desk.  "Oh please."

"She's full of it.  I'm just...  So proud.  Our little new girl is moving up," he said.  There was a slight sardonic tone to his statement and I looked at him as he crossed his arms over his firm chest.

"Ah, there it is.  I thought you were serious for a minute and had gone all soft on me," I laughed, flopping into my chair.  I unraveled the scarf from my neck and studied the both of them.  But they weren't laughing.  They weren't even smiling.  But they weren't angry, either.

"I overheard Marshall on the phone yesterday with SVU.  Your little temporary stint with them might not be so temporary after all, Tess," Dennise told me.

"Wh-what?" I gaped.

"He agreed you'd be better utilized in the field.  With them," she continued.

"Well, I won't take it.  One week was enough for me and I don't even know why I was asked in the first place.  I mean, I..."  Stammering, I stopped myself and met two sets of eyes.  One mesmerizingly blue and the other a stunning green.  My closest friends in New York.  My family.

"You have to take it, Tess.  Your name is all that's buzzing around here about how you were the one to find the perp's you did last week," Brandon added.

I shook my head and covered my face.  "They would have found them without me.  I...  I don't understand."

"Wes," they said in unison.

"Huh?"  My hands fell to my lap as a look of confusion came over me.

"He was the head of homicide somewhere in California and came highly recommended, obviously.  Why he wanted to transfer here is beyond me, but he spent his first couple months here checking out each department, you know, recruiting," Dennise said.  So that was where the sandy blonde hair and tanned skin had come from.  He must have been a surfer, or some other California cliché.  Then, they'd both come closer and sat directly in front of me.

"You're one of the best."

"You really are."

Hearing that from them made my heart swell but also lodge itself into my throat.  I couldn't possibly do that to them.  I didn't deserve it and they didn't deserve to not themselves be considered.  "I'm not.  I'm just doin' my job.  What about you guys?"

"CSU's my home, Tess," Dennise confessed and Brandon immediately agreed.

"If it's hard feelings you're worried about, there are none here, Louisiana," he said with a supportive squeeze to my shoulder. 

It was a relief that they backed me one hundred percent, but nothing had officially been offered so I figured I didn't have much to worry about at that moment.  Of course, it lasted a mere three minutes before the phone on my desk rang.  Swallowing extremely hard, I lifted it to my ear only to have Marshall gruffly request my presence upstairs.  When I hung up, my hands were shaking.  To hide my nerves, I removed my coat, smoothing out the dark pair of jeans I wore and fastened my blouse appropriately before heading back to the elevator.  My legs were heavy, as if I were walking through quicksand the closer I got but Dennise was there to press the button for me.

"I'm not gonna get all mushy on you and tell you to follow your heart," she stopped and snickered, "but do what feels right.  You're good at everything you do and they see that.  That's why they want you."  Her smile and the proud glimmer in her stare eased some of my anxiousness away.

"And there's Q...  He wasn't happy with me after what happened last week.  I don't know if he'll support me if I decide to do anything drastic," I admitted shamefully.

"He loves you.  He has to," she said, reaching to grab both of my arms.  "He will, Tess.  Now go get 'em."  The elevator dinged not a moment later and I stepped in, taking a deep breath as the doors closed.

The meeting went just as I had imagined it would.  Wes was there, along with Marshall and the commanding officer of SVU, who come to find out would soon be retiring.  That was the reasoning behind all the movements in every department the past few weeks.  I looked to Wes and he wore the same pleased expression with a hint of a smirk because he was getting what he wanted- _if_ I decided to take the position.  He'd be getting a promotion and I would become an SVU detective with a slight pay increase as well.  Q's reaction rang in my mind though.  Would he truly be okay with it like Dennise had tried to tell me just thirty minutes ago?  I didn't quite think so.

A single clap of Wes's hands brought me back and I glanced blankly at the three men in the room.  "So, whaddya think?" he asked.

"What?" I asked.  If I could move a muscle, I would have slapped my hand to my forehead because I'd completely zoned out.

"Do you want the job, Detective Hudson?"

"Oh, um, do you...  Is there anyway I-I could have a couple hours to think about it?"  I fumbled over my words like an ass and again wanted to knock some sense into myself.

"Of course.  You have the day," the SVU director said dryly.  It was apparent he was tired of his job or perhaps tired of me being completely unprofessional, so I bee-lined it for the exit when it was okay to do so.

Wes caught me before I could climb back through the silver elevator doors.  "You okay, Hudson?  I thought you'd be thrilled."

"I...  I am.  I guess.  I just, wasn't expecting it, you know?  I had no idea what was going on and after getting my second concussion in less than three months has me thinkin' about a lot of things.  I need to talk it over with someone first.  Is that okay?" I said all in one breath, giving him a pained expression when I was through.

And all he continued to do was grin that white grin of his.  "You have my number."

I briefed Dennise and Brandon upon my return, quickly gathering my things to head off to find Q.  I'd left him in my bed that morning but I had no idea what his plans were for the day.  I would try my house first seeing how it had only been a couple hours, so while on my way there, I sent him a message to let him know that we needed to talk.  My stomach was in knots the entire way and as I let myself in, I knew he was gone already.

It was hard to admit it, but maybe I had gotten sloppy the night of the takedown.  Not that I'd somehow missed that there might have been two suspects in the kidnapping, but adrenaline was high and I'd made a mistake.  One that I had learned from.  I told him I'd simply been out of practice.  That and I wasn't going to let myself down like that again.  If I did, I might truly wind up six feet under.

And I knew I didn't need his permission to take the job, yet I still wanted his blessing.  I never stopped him from doing anything because that wasn't my place and hopefully, just hopefully he felt the same now that things had kind of blown over.  Kind of.  I hadn't forgotten about all of the doubt I had felt the other morning.  If he didn't support me, then maybe it would be for the best.  I wouldn't want him to constantly worry over my well being, it wouldn't be fair.  And sure, I might be a drone on autopilot for a while, but I'd get on with my life.  That made my conscience kick and scream.  It told me I was just acting like a silly girl.  That I  _needed_ to be- I had to be bold and brave.  I had to be strong.  That was where Liv came in.

"How many times do I have to tell you that if a man is going to hold you back from doing something that you want, he's not the right guy?  Q's the right guy.  And don't say _'for now'_ , like I know you're thinking.  He just went on a cruise with over a thousand women willing to do whatever it took to get him into bed and you're worried about a freaking promotion?  Seriously, I think it's time I pay another visit to the Big Apple."

She was spot on as always and a light laugh escaped me.  "I just...  I panicked, I guess.  And I really hadn't slept all week so I think that had something to do with it," I told her.

"If he says anything different than what I think he will, he's not the guy I thought he was," she added.

"You're right," I sighed.

"I know I'm right.  And it's not like they're gonna just throw you to the wolves, I mean you did kick ass on your first assignment but there's gonna be training involved, T.  When's the last time you went to the gun range?  Do you even remember how to use a gun?" she teased.

I flopped onto my couch and threw my hand over my eyes.  "Of course I remember how, jerk.  But I will admit I haven't been to the range in ages."

"So go.  Blow off some steam.  Hell, blow off some steam together.  Maybe it'll turn him on."

"Stop," I interjected.

"I know, I know.  You don't need anything but your pretty little ass to turn that man on-"

"I said stop."

"Okay, moody.  You called me, remember?"

"Yeah."  I rolled to my side, curling up into a tired mess of a person.

"You're the one making this more complicated than it really is and you always say you feel better after you talk to him.  So talk to him and be open-minded, not the stubborn ass I know you can be.  Listen to what he has to say too, okay?"

"Yes, Liv."

Until I heard from him, I took a cab to the gun range as directed.  I recognized a few faces from headquarters as I filled out the proper paperwork and awaited for the attendee to issue me a weapon.  I'd requested the same as SVU had given me so I could get a feel for it and stepped onto the line after finding ear and eye protection.  Taking a deep breath, I aimed and became readily aware that my hands were shaking.

Gun shots fired all around me, oblivious to the fact that I, in a sense, had no idea what I was doing.  Not referring to firing a weapon, rather the turmoil swimming through my veins.  NYPD.  Q.  Cam.  My life.  My life that I was well on my way to ruining if I continued on this course of hesitation.  Uncertainty.  Stress.  With those thoughts, I put the gun on safety and stepped back into the lobby to check my phone.  Still no response from Q.  But there was a text waiting from Wes.

Wes:  Take your time.  I know it's a big move but you'll be great.

Sighing again, I sat on a bench against the wall and leaned my head back.  If Liv were there, she'd make me get up.  She'd force me back to the line and urge me to get my head straight.  It's no big deal, she would say.  Once you talk, everything will work itself out the way it's supposed to be.  Then a little dabble of hope trickled in.  _You guys are meant for one another_.  She might not have said it in those exact words but in her gut, I knew that's what she believed while I still remained annoyingly skeptical.  So I did as she would have.  I got off my ass and walked back into the loud range where I was finally able to concentrate.  All of my thoughts and worries were fleeting as I went through four magazines.  Then, one hundred and ten percent satisfied with my last target, it was complete with perfect kill shots.  I hadn't lost my touch after all.

I signed out and returned all my equipment, wrapping myself up as I stepped outside into the frigid air.  When spring came, if it ever were to, I wasn't going to take any warm weather for granted.  The wind burned my cheeks and the snow blew into my eyelashes, but I felt a weight lifted from me.  I felt better.  At ease, almost.  Even better when I heard my phone chime.  I grabbed for it, but it wasn't who I was hoping it would be.  It was Cam.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better things are coming.

Her timing didn't surprise me- she had a sixth sense about her.  And though it had slipped to the back of my mind, I knew she would get back to me sooner or later.  She wouldn't let something like that, a text from _me_ , sit and wait in the wind without a response.  Nice or not, she was going to reply.  It seemed nice at first, but by the time I got to the end of the short sentence, there was no mistaking the condescending meaning behind her words.  She had a few years on me and yet, her maturity level at times appeared adolescent.  That moment in particular as well proved that point again.  But it had to be done.  If I could unstick at least one thorn in my side, it might make things easier.

Not wanting to appear too eager, I let the message be and dialed Q instead.  Again, no answer.  He was prepping for another brief tour so he couldn't be too far.  Home, hopefully because that was where I told the cab driver to take me.

His driveway was clear of snow and showed signs of melting as I walked to the side door to knock on the frosted glass.  His Jeep parked behind me let me know he was there but it took him more than a few minutes to open up.  In that few minutes, I paced a bit and as I heard the lock come undone, I spun to look at him and managed to find the only patch of ice on the concrete.  I yelped and landed on my side, surely in slow motion because my bag went flying and I swore I saw my boots in the air above my head.  Definitely not a good way to start the conversation I was going to have with him.

"Jesus, fuck, Tess.  Are you okay?"  He came immediately to my aid and I couldn't help but laugh.  Sure it hurt and I was going to be sore later, but of course I knew only I would be that clumsy.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said as I let him help me up. 

He brushed the slush from my coat and hair and cupped my face to look into my eyes.  "I really, _really_ wish you would pay more attention to your surroundings."

"It came outta no where, honest," I teased.  He shook his head, carefully holding onto my arm as he opened the door and let me pass through first.  I shrugged off the damp, black coat and hung it in the mudroom, stopping to make sure I wasn't an intrusion.  "I called..."

"I apologize, got preoccupied with laundry.  What's up?  Why aren't you at work?"

"Because I need to talk to you about something," I began, watching his expression fall to one of concern.

"Did something happen?"

I bent to untie my boots to walk up into his kitchen, all the while my pulse picking up speed with each step I took.  Stopping at the island, I hopped up onto it and crossed my legs, foregoing all of the hesitation I felt earlier that morning.  "Everything's fine.  But...  I was offered a position this morning.  I haven't said yes or anything because I wanted to talk to you first.  And I don't want you to go getting upset with me for actually...  Maybe considering it." 

He followed closely, picking up his phone that was charging on the counter to see that I had indeed called.  "I take it it's something to do with this last stint, right?"

I nodded, wringing my hands together as I waited for an ultimatum, or something else negative.

He inhaled, set the cell down, proceeded to grip the counter that turned his knuckles white and I braced myself.  "I can't stop you from doing what you want, Tess."  His voice remained calm and though his body language was telling me otherwise, I had to roll with it.

"Can't?"

" _Won't_.  It's your choice.  You've never asked me not to do anything so who am I to do that to you?  I know you're a cop and shit's gonna happen.  I get that.  It worries the fuck outta me every day, especially after everything that's happened in the past few months and while the thought of you even more at risk doesn't exactly thrill me, I won't stand in the way."

"Thank you," I said as my smile grew.

"But I have to ask, why that department?"

Taking a few moments to choose the right words, I shrugged.  "It's a different way to help people, I guess.  I know not every case will turn out with a happy ending, but if I can at least try to change that in any way, then I will.  Wes hand picked me to join him when he becomes Deputy Chief-"  The grumble with the mentioning of his name made me snicker on the inside, but I continued, "I'll have some training to do, spend some more time at the gun range but it won't be much different than what I was doing before.  I'll just have a chance at stopping crime before it actually happens in this division."

He gave me a sideways glance but leaned over to plant a kiss to my temple anyway.  "You've got a good head on your shoulders, Tess.  Just...  Please be careful.  This is New York, remember that.  Not some cute little southern town where everyone knows everyone."

"You know, New Orleans wasn't all butterflies and rainbows either, Brian," I shot back lightheartedly.  Grabbing ahold of his sleeve, I pulled him closer to bring our lips together and snaked my arms around his neck.  "How long are you gonna be gone this time?"

"Three weeks, give or take," he murmured between embraces.  Although we'd spent every last second together we possibly could have that morning, there was always a spark lit in me each time we touched.  And it had only been a few hours at most but there was something so incredibly powerful that came over me when he got that look in his eye.

But it all came to a screeching halt as his dryer buzzed along with the phone on my hip.  We both groaned and separated and I found another message from Wes saying that he was getting very anxious for my answer.  I quickly typed back a quip- that I thought I had the day to think it over and turned the screen off.

"Wes?" Q asked.

"Yeah."

All I got was another displeased grumble.

"He's harmless.  I'd be more worried about Brandon," I joked, sliding down from my seat on the counter.  I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind to breathe him in one more time.  "I should get back though.  See what hoops I have to jump through to get the ball rolling."

"I fly out in the morning.  Have dinner with me?" he asked as he folded his clothes and set them neatly onto the table.

"I wouldn't miss it."

But low and behold, I did.  And I was pissed.  On the inside.  I couldn't very well show any disrespect to Wes or the other detectives that were in my company by saying I had plans because I was sure I wasn't the only one.  I had a job to do.  It was nearing ten o'clock and even though I wasn't officially through with my transfer, Wes wanted me there in the briefing of a new case that had just come to their attention.  Only it wasn't brief.  There were numerous female victims that had come forward so there was a lot of networking that had to be done, thus elongating the process entirely.

CSU had pretty regular hours, more so than Special Victims and that was something I knew about, I just didn't think that it was going to impede on my last night with Q for a few weeks.  Again, I'd gone longer without him so we were kind of used to it, but the last thing I wanted to do was worry him more than he already was.  Though he might have said he was okay with it, I knew better because I knew him.  He wasn't the type of person to hold back, especially after everything I'd put him through.

When the meeting was through, I rushed to the hall to send him a text to let him know what was going on and that I hadn't stood him up on purpose.  Rubbing my forehead as I hit send, Wes joined me a moment later.

"You okay?"

Without thinking, I gave him a pained smile.  "Of course.  Why do you ask?"

"You ran out of there like you were going to be ill," he replied with concern, leaning against the wall beside me.

"Come on.  Give me more credit than that," I chuckled, "no, it's just...  I told someone I'd be somewhere tonight before I knew all of this was going to happen.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you that impression."

"Don't be, Hudson.  I appreciate you staying tonight, really, I do.  I think you were the only one who wasn't on their phone at some point over the last couple hours."

"It wasn't the time or place," I said with a meager shrug.

He eyed me, then smiled.  "You're a different breed, Hudson.  I knew I was right when I chose you."

I shuddered inwardly at his comment since that was what Cam had been referred to as, but I forced myself to match his expression.  "Thank you, sir."

Grinning even wider then, he pointed to me and said, "no no, you don't have to call me sir.   _Yet_.  Get outta here.  I'll see you in the morning."

I let the tension within me go, thanked him again, returned to the chair where I'd slung my coat and was out of headquarters just inside a few minutes.  I also hailed a cab on my first attempt and that alone put me in an even better mood.  On the ride to the restaurant where Q said he was, I thought about everything that had happened that day.  And I felt good.  Really good.  Ready to take on New York and a whole new position.  Perhaps it would be short-lived since I'd become used to something going horribly wrong whenever something was absolutely right in my life.  Not that night, though.  I refused to let anything bring me down.

When I walked into the dimly lit pub in Brooklyn, I immediately spotted Q at a corner booth.  The floor was a weathered, dark wood and the tables I knew right away were bald cypress which completely caught me off guard.  Had I heard about the place existing before that very evening, I probably would have been a regular because that felt almost like home to me.  It was only wood- a wood that just so happened to be from a tree native to Louisiana and Q with being there, it made it all more worth my while.  He was agonizingly handsome in that low, smoldering light that if no one else were around, I would have shed my clothes and given myself to him the moment I stepped through the door.  Unfortunately for me, the seats were filled with patrons and he sat with his back against a frosty, mosaic window with his eyes glued to his phone.

A smile I didn't think could get any bigger adorned my face as I approached him but I stopped in my tracks when a gaggle of young women swarmed the small table.  I waited.  With my shoulder against a raw beam in the middle of the restaurant, I watched.  I knew the look- he wasn't terribly happy to be ambushed at near midnight while he was alone at a bar, waiting on me, but with a slew of attractive girls pining for just a sliver of his attention, he wasn't going to disappoint them.

I found a spot at the bar near the door instead and ordered myself a cocktail.  As I twisted my lime over the whiskey, he took a few pictures with his fans, probably hoping it would be enough to pacify them until I got there.  He wasn't a schmoozer by any means, not when he didn't have to.  With his close friends he would, and with the exclusive group of podcast followers he would too.  These women obviously were neither of those.  It was Q this, Q that in excited, intoxicated soft squeals that I was sure everyone could hear over the dull roar of the bar.

After finishing nearly half of my drink that loosened the muscles in the back of my neck, I dialed his number.  Though I could see him, I was pretty confident I remained hidden from his view.  

The moment he saw me calling, he excused himself from the corner and put the phone to his ear.  "Hey."

"You sure know how to make a girl jealous," I teased.

He chuckled and reluctantly adjusted the hat on his head while he raked his gaze through the crowd to find me.  "You're here?  Why didn't you come over?"

"You serious?  That's rather intimidating.  More than intimidating, actually."

"You're crazy."

Pausing, I watched the women ogle him from behind as they stayed close to the table he'd been sitting at.  "They're probably picturing you naked right now."

"You're crazy," he reiterated.  Then, just as I thought he would, he stole a brief glance behind him which in turn the ladies erupted into a small fit of giggles.  "Where are you?"

"At the bar.

"We're outta here."  With that, he hung up and I paid my tab and waited for him to hone in on my location.  I felt a warm hand slide underneath my hair which made me smile, then his lips covered that smile with a slow, unexpected kiss.

My cheeks flushed with the contact because we were in such a public place but I held it together for that same reason.  Sliding from the stool, I walked in front of him toward the door and back out into the cold.  His arm slung over my shoulder to pull me against his chest and he planted more kisses to the side of my neck.  I shivered- but it wasn't from the bitter wind that blew.  And though I didn't want him to stop, I didn't want to our display to catch any attention.  That was the last thing I needed.

But back at my place, it didn't matter and our clothes couldn't have come off fast enough.  I shook my hair out while he helped with my lace boy shorts and bra and I eagerly pushed the jeans from his hips.  I was pressed into the bed not a second later as he delved into me and I bit my lip, gripping his strong back with all my might.  His breath was hot against my chest with each solid thrust and there was no mistaking his carnal hunger for a warm body to sink himself into.  Thankfully, it was me.

In the afterglow, his head laid across my stomach and I continued to smooth his hair until he caught his breath.  I could still feel his heart pounding- the result of his climax and that alone made me squirm in delight all over again.  I absolutely lived to make him feel good.  There was nothing else in the world like that feeling.  Sadly though, in what time we had left before his departure, we showered and only slept until very early morning.  He still had to make a run to his house before the airport so the sun hadn't even thought about rising yet as I stood with him out on my stoop. 

His arms enveloped me in a cozy hug and I spoke against his chest in a sigh, "this part I'll never get used to."

He tilted my chin up to look into my eyes.  "I don't like it much either.  Especially with you starting this new job."

"I promise to be careful.  I've got a good team," I reassured him.  The moonlight reflecting off what was left of the snow cast a dull, blue haze over everything, including my mood.  "You better go before you're late.  Bring some sunshine and warmer temperatures back with you."

"I will."  He kissed me once more and headed down the steps to his Jeep.

"Oh, and Brian?"

"Yeah?"

I sheepishly bit my lip and smiled at him, "you be careful too.  I...  Kinda love you."

He chuckled softly from where he stood, matching my grin with a bigger one of his own.  "I love you, pretty girl."

*

A week after he left, I completed a good portion of my training for SVU when Wes requested my assistance at headquarters.  I packed up my things at the gun range and quickly got myself a cab to take me back to Manhattan.  I scrolled through the messages between Q and I in the time it took to get there before switching into work mode.  Then I thought about how some people might wonder why I do what I do, Q included.  but it was my calling.  It was in my blood.  I hadn't had a single yearning to do anything different since the ripe age of eighteen.  My dad said I'd be good at whatever I did happen choose, subliminally hinting on more than one occasion that I didn't have to become a cop, but it was written in stone the moment I stepped foot into the police department in Louisiana.

That being said, the floor numbers passed right on by Dennise and Brandon as the elevator climbed to my new floor and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt.  It was never my intention to leave them behind and even though they supported me, I still felt bad.  Plus, I missed seeing them everyday.  What I would've given at that moment to see Dennise roll her eyes at something heinous and entirely inappropriate come out of Brandon's mouth.  But, I was kind of on my own again.  With Q gone and without my old team, I was in uncharted territory.  Wes, who still remained semi-distant most of the time was my only ally and I had to trust him.  After all, he did help apprehend the douchebag that gave me my second concussion.

When the doors split, he was there waiting for me and he almost seemed impatient.  "I got here as fast as I could-"

"I know you've wanted to reexamine your case and I'm sorry we haven't had time to sit down and do that but this could be the same M.O., Hudson.  Follow me," he interjected hurriedly.

I was thrown off a bit at first and it caused me to stand, frozen in place as he took off down the hallway.  The same M.O.?  As what?  My attack?  I suddenly got dizzy and had to put my hand on the wall to keep my knees from buckling.  "W-Wes," I called out.  Nothing.  "That's impossible.  There is no evidence-"

Again, he interrupted me, "but it's _something_ , Hudson.  Come on."

Gathering myself, I followed him down the bland, grey hall to one of the interrogation rooms.  I stared at a woman through the two-way mirror whose face was badly beaten, whose eyes were as black as mine months ago and whose spirit was undoubtedly shaken as she spoke to another detective.  She'd been a victim, just as I had and if she were anything like me, she wanted answers.  Clarification.  Closure.

I leaned closer to Wes, keeping my eyes on the glass and my voice soft.  "It's still highly unlikely.  I've got absolutely nothing to go on."

"He came at her from behind, late at night, Brooklyn.  Your neck of the woods.  Two streets over," he told me.

Straightening my posture, I stepped closer to get a better look at her.  "But just this one girl?  What about the rest?  It's completely unrelated in every aspect.  This one didn't even get a glimpse of the guy."

"I looked at your statement, Tess.  Some of the things you said, she did too.  You didn't get a look at the guy either.  But I figured you'd at least be curious," he replied after swiping a tired hand over his face.

"Well, sure.  I guess I could be," I started, pausing to choose my words wisely.  "I'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything but I still think it's a little far fetched, don't you?  I mean, it's New York.  There are millions of people here and I think my incident was isolated."

He sat down in a chair and rolled a few feet back in the darkness.  "Exactly the point I'm trying to make.  With that many people, what are the odds something this similar would happen _again_ in your neighborhood?  Look, I know you're from the south and all but...  You gotta think like us now.  Which, don't get me wrong, you have been up until right now."

"You're from California," I retorted, slightly offended. 

He laughed, casually crossing an ankle over his knee.  "I was born in Florida, actually.  Grew up here in New York and went to college in California when I was seventeen.  I worked there for a number of years, obviously, until this job opening came to my attention which is why I'm back.  My roots are here, Tess."

 _Oh, whoops_.  _Open mouth, insert foot_.  _Is it weird he's calling you Tess all of a sudden, too?_   I shook the pointless thoughts away and carefully bided my time again until I could gather myself enough to say something intelligent.  "I didn't mean to be rude.  Or short.  Sorry, I'm just a little surprised is all."

"A little?" he laughed again.  He didn't appear bothered with my assumption, so I guessed that to be a good sign.  I pulled my attention from him and myself, walking even closer to the glass to hopefully lessen the tension.

"Where does she live?" I asked.

"Freeman."

So, she was truly from two streets over.  South of where I lived.  But why so long in between occurrences?  Could it really be the same person that attacked us both?  Was I the first?  A thousand inquiries flooded my brain in a matter of seconds even though I shouldn't have thought twice about them.  There was no way.  Wes was probably smarter and better at the job than I ever would be, but did he really think a minute whim like the one he was proposing would amount to anything?  I wasn't too sure.  There were too many holes.

"He...  He just kept hitting me.  And then he started to drag me through the snow by my coat," the woman whimpered painfully, wiping her swollen nose with the back of her hand.

"Toward what?  A vehicle?  Do you remember anything at all?"

There was a hitch in her throat as there was in mine and she sobbed silently in the chair with her head cast downward.  "I...  I blacked out.  The back of my head hurt too much.  All I wanted to do was get away from whoever it was."

I'd give Wes that much, it did sound similar to what I'd been through but it still didn't have me fully convinced.  "Was anything taken from her person?"

"Nothing."

"And she's the only one from Greenpoint?"

"Yes."

"What about the others?  The one's who weren't so lucky?" I asked flatly, keeping any emotion from my voice.

"Scattered over all the boroughs.  Queens, Bronx and so on.  It makes no sense aside from this one."

"You're right.  It doesn't make any sense."  And I was getting bored.  Not that I wasn't appreciative of him thinking of me and my case, but if this woman had indeed been attacked by the same person as I'd been, she had even less than I did to go on.  I was afraid it was just going to be another dead end.

"You wanna accompany me to the scene?" he asked next, getting up to flip the light on.

Thinking I had nothing to lose, I nodded.  "I don't suppose it'll hurt anything."

An hour later, I stood on the street that grossly resembled mine.  My boots crunched in the leftover snow as I walked down the sidewalk to where some hints of blood were still visible and I chewed on the side of my cheek while I examined the scene.  The signs were clear as day- that a desperate struggle had most definitely occurred.  A good amount of the snow had melted so footprints were mostly absent yet again, all I could see was where she'd been dragged.

"There are photos back at the office from the night it happened, but foot traffic is heavy on these residential streets," he stated.

"I've heard that before," I grumbled.  Squatting down, not a damn thing jumped out at me.  Granted, some time had passed since it initially happened so whatever evidence there may have been had already been collected and back at the lab.  "Did they find anything useful?  Did she fight back?"

"They were both wearing gloves.  Not a single prints, nothing under her nails."

"Of course not."  I surveyed my surroundings once more and raised up.  "Why bring me here if there's nothing?"

He tucked his hands into the pockets of his long coat and shrugged.  "Thought it might spark something in your memory it being so close to home."

"I barely remember anything as it is.  It was dark, snowing...  He came at me from behind," I said slowly and closed my eyes to take me back to that traumatic night.  "I was walking down my street, reached for my keys and didn't even get to the steps before I was thrown to the ground."

"You weren't wearing gloves."

I shook my head, reliving the events one at a time.  "It didn't matter.  There was no time to react.  He was strong.  Really strong.  I was unconscious before I really knew what was even happening.  If it weren't for my neighbor...  Who knows what would have happened."

"Whoever this is hasn't killed anyone-"

"Yet.  Just sexual abuse, which is almost as bad," I said grimly as I opened my eyes and glanced across the street.  It was lined with brownstones and condos and many, many windows that could contain a witness but I was sure that had already been covered while I'd been stuck in training.

"You're wondering why I really brought you here, aren't you?"

"New set of eyes," I replied.  That's what he'd always said.  "But I've got nothing, Wes.  Not this time, I'm sorry."

"Hey, it was worth a shot.  How about we get back and look at the evidence?"

In the car, I stared blankly out the window as we were soon out of Brooklyn headed into lower Manhattan.  I still thought about the night over and over like Wes had wanted me to and I still came up empty handed.  For the thousandth time.  All except for the gold car.  The one that I saw in front of Q's house and the one that I had dreamt about.  There had to be something there.

I spent the rest of the day going through the photos of not only the Brooklyn scene, but the rest as well.  All were women in their late twenties to early thirties, fit, good looking.  Typical for someone to target.  Wes let me be, periodically checking in to see if I'd come up with anything but whoever the assailant was, he was slick.  He chose his opportunities wisely.  Mostly at night when the victims were alone.  Vulnerable.  No witnesses.  Something I thought almost impossible in New York because there were always people on the streets.

"Fuck," I hissed, pushing angrily away from the desk.  In all the notes, all the reports, not one of the victims had mentioned a gold car.  So why was it that it stuck out in my head?  Picking up the phone, I dialed Dennise's extension.

"Hey ma, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice?" she answered cheekily.

"My sanity, perhaps?"

She laughed for a moment, then she went serious.  "What's up?"

Twirling the marker between my fingers, I decided to just put it out there.  "You feel like doing some research with me this weekend?"

"Hell yeah.  When do we start?" she replied without missing one single beat.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If she only wants you, don't worry about who wants her.

But before the weekend came, I had Wes and the current case to keep me plenty busy.  Hours upon hours were spent interviewing victims, witnesses, and going over the statements until my brain bled from my ears.  I hadn't been sleeping much either seeing how I was in overdrive to make some sort of connection to it all.

"Hudson, you've been staying past one every night this week.  Come on, let me take you home," Wes offered.

I looked up from beneath the desk lamp and smiled.  "Only if we can stop and get a drink first."  Maybe that'd help me sleep.  Probably not the wisest decision for my well-being but I was just about ready to give anything a try.

"Any particular place you had in mind?"

Instantly, I remembered the bar that Q had found in Brooklyn.  The one with the cypress tables from home.  "Huckleberry's.  It's right on the way to my place."

"I know it," he replied with a grin.  I shut my station down, dressed for the still, frigid air that remained outside and followed out him to his car.  My mouth was almost watering with the mere thought of a simple glass of whiskey and it being as late as it was, hopefully traffic on the bridge wouldn't be too bad.

And I was right.  It was a breeze to get there where he parked in a public lot a block from the bar and we headed right inside to find a table.  An attractive waitress came and took our order and didn't hide a thing when she batted her eyelashes at Wes.

I managed to stifle my laugh until she was gone and she made damn sure to sway her hips in a very suggestive manor before disappearing.  "I think you have a fan."

"Not my type," he said coolly.

"What?  Painstakingly gorgeous isn't your type?" I laughed again.

"A girl like that, no.  She knows how attractive she is and I don't like what comes with it."

I gave him a confused expression as our drinks arrived, complete with a flirty, obvious wink directed at him.  Then she was gone again.  "What if she's just confident?  There's nothing wrong with that."

Shaking his head, he brought the frosted pilsner to his lips.  "There's a fine line between confidence and conceited, Tess."

"Touché, Detective," I said.  I tapped my glass to his before he took his first sip and casually leaned back in my chair.

"I like a more natural beauty.  Someone who doesn't try so hard to be what they think men really want."

I nodded along like I understood.  "Gotcha."  Then I got quiet.  And then felt awkward.  "So, um...  Have you ever been married?"  Mentally, I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Surprising to me, he didn't appear to be upset with my question.  "Nope."

I breathed a sigh of relief.  "Close?"

"One time.  You?"

"Neither."

"Get outta here," he laughed heartily, running a hand through his golden waves. 

I relaxed some more.  "Honest," I replied with a genuine smile.  "I dated in high school, but once I went into the police academy, it really wasn't much of a priority.  Dating...  I mean.  It was just me and my dad, you know?  My mom passed away when I was little so I couldn't leave him.  He needed me.  Especially after he retired."  I stopped the moment I realized I was sharing perhaps too much and I was unsure if it was appropriate or not.  We were at a bar and it was after work hours, but he was still my superior.  "I'm sorry, you probably didn't wanna hear all that."

"You apologize too much, Tess.  Did you know that?" he said. 

I shook my head, taking another swig to shed away the cumbersome feeling that had washed over me.

"I like this.  I've been waiting for the chance to get to know you a little better.  You're always business.  I want you to know it's okay to be yourself around me, I don't bite."

My expression remained inhibited and tense, even with the alcohol on board.  "I'm sorr-  I...  Okay."  I mustered up a small smile, told myself to chill out so I wouldn't come across as some hapless idiot.

"Then there's that shyness you have about you.  Even though you shouldn't be.  You're good at what you do.  More than good, Tess, you're great."

"Thank you," I uttered sheepishly.

"The way you worked with your peers down in CSU was really what kinda drew me in.  Made me notice you.  You three have a good rapport.  It was professional but you knew how to have fun- at the right times, of course.  We deserve that.  Some normalcy.  Especially in our line of work and I really hope we too can reach that point of being comfortable enough with one another."  

Swirling around what was left in my rocks glass, I threw it back and swallowed.  "Me too.  Everyone seems really nice and you've been more than accommodating.  I...  I just hope I haven't put you in a weird position and that no toes are being stepped on by me being there."

"Don't be silly, Tess.  Everyone knew there were going to be some changes when I took the job.  If anyone gives you a hard time, you can come to me."

My eyes went wide and immediately, I opposed.  "That's certainly not necessary.  The last thing I need to do is stir up any animosity," I replied.

He eyed me carefully while my pulse quickened but he soon smiled and nodded.  "All right.  Well, we've got another busy day tomorrow so I should get you home." 

He motioned for the waitress to bring the check over and I dug in my bag for some cash since my beverage was more than double his twenty-two ounce beer.  "Let me get it," I said.

"Nonsense, Tess.  I enjoyed our chat.  I hope we can do it again soon."  Pushing my money away, he handed the sultry blonde his credit card. 

Stubbornly, I stood to zip up my coat and wound the scarf around my neck, tugging my hair out from underneath.  If he wanted to be friends, I could do that.  Our conversation actually made me feel pretty at ease, so maybe I could give him a hard time like I did Brandon.  "Bet you twenty bucks she gives you her number," I murmured.

His eyebrows went up, signaling to me he gladly accepted my wager.  "I highly doubt that, but you're on."

We awaited her return and I watched covertly as she brazenly leaned into his ear, sliding his card back to him across the table.  I had to turn away to hide my delight but there was no way I could take his money.  Right from the get-go, there was no denying she was interested.  It probably wouldn't have mattered if I was there or not so there was that.  I couldn't blame her, Wes was quite handsome.  Brandon's height, just a bit bigger bone structure.

I absolutely refused my winnings on the way back to Greenpoint and hurriedly got out of the car before he could slip it to me.  Thanking him again, I waved and headed in for the night.  It was past two and though he'd told me to take my time in the morning, I was determined to be there bright and early.  And low and behold, I slept.  Granted it was only four hours, I was simply ecstatic that I was able to get any amount of shut eye.

Arriving chipper, I said good morning to most before sitting down to unload my things.  I pulled my laptop out, set it beside the department's desktop and booted it up when I saw Wes walk through the door.  He came right over, setting down a piping hot cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich in front of me.

"Uh, what's this for?" I asked.

"You won fair and square, remember?" he said, rather amused with himself.

Laughing, I shook my head at him.  "You are a tenacious one, aren't you?"

"I shorted you a bit but I figured you might let it slide."

"Well, since you're the boss and all I say we're even," I told him.  That and the coffee smelled divine.

He too laughed, then became serious as he surveyed the office and spoke to everyone in it, including me.  "Briefing in ten.  Don't be late."

I took that as my cue to gobble down the sandwich and nearly half the coffee, mentally preparing myself for another day's worth of hard work.  I sent Q a quick good morning text before silencing my phone to join everyone in the conference room.  There, the boards were covered with the photos of all of the victims, their names, where they lived, worked, frequented and so on.  Not one of them knew the other but none of them were married, no children and they lived alone.  The perp had exceptional taste, I thought again.  Aside from myself, of course.  Had Wes still thought I had some sort of association with the case, I wouldn't have been allowed near it.

While he dispersed the duties amongst the small group of detectives, I felt my phone begin to vibrate on my hip.  Not just once, but a slew of times that I found slightly odd.  I didn't get many calls and whoever it may have been, it sounded urgent.  But I waited until he was through before leaving the room to check.  There were two missed calls from Liv along with four text messages.  I panicked, immediately thinking of my father and put the phone to my ear as I walked farther down the empty corridor.

"What's going on?  Is everything okay?  Is it Rhett?" I asked in an alarmed rush.

"Didn't you look at any of the messages I sent you?" she answered casually.  Much, much too casual for my liking.

"No!  You kinda freaked me out with the whole blowing up my phone like you did!" I scolded.

"Whoa, whoa.  Everything's fine.  Take a deep breath, T.  It's not a big deal, but something was posted on Twitter," she began.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Liv.  Seriously?  This is about Twitter?  I almost had a heart attack."

She continued to laugh at me though I found no humor in it whatsoever.  "Calm your tits, Tess.  I was trolling BQ's account and some broad posted a picture of you two at some bar gettin' all cozy-like.  It's blurry and dark, but it's definitely him and he's _definitely_ all over some curly-haired brunette."

I pressed my back into the wall and squeezed the bridge of my nose.  "So?"

"The same chick tweeted another picture of you this morning.  Same bar.  Different dude.  And some of these Tweeps are seriously butthurt that you're two-timing their man."

Groaning inwardly, I cursed myself for going to that bar.  And once more for not being more aware of what'd been going on around me the night before.  Maybe having a drink with Wes wasn't the smartest thing to do.  Of course someone would get the wrong idea.  It was completely innocent but apparently it was being perceived much differently by Q's fans.  Still, to that day, him and I hadn't exactly had the discussion of what to do if something of that nature were to happen.  I knew it was bound to, it was New York and it wasn't like we were hiding anything.  I was honestly surprised nothing had surfaced before that.

"Okay, I don't care about me.  But the one from this morning, can you tell who it is?"

"Honestly, you can only tell that he's blonde and most definitely not Q.  You're not really seeing someone else, are you?"

"Are you kidding?"

Giggling, she said, "yes, I'm kidding.  So, spill.  Who is it?"

"My new boss.  I've been tangled up in a new case so I was working late and he gave me a lift home."

"And you just so happened to think it was necessary to stop and have a night cap?" she asked in a sardonic manner.

"By all means, don't hold back," I spat sarcastically as I began to pace back and forth.

"Why are you getting so defensive?" she replied just as harsh.

Taking a deep breath, I slid down to the floor.  "Lack of sleep, I think."

"That can't be your excuse for everything, Tess."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're _taken_ , T.  Think about how Q's gonna feel when he sees this- _if_ he hasn't already.  I know you don't run around announcing your relationship status to the whole world but sometimes you can give men the wrong impression," she explained.

"What do you mean by that?  I've never given anyone the wrong impression."

She clacked her tongue annoyingly at me before continuing, "you think that in your head but that's not the way they see it.  And this guy's probably no different.  Your boss or not, Tess, you're hot.  Funny.  You're smart, you know how to be one of the guys and it's attractive.  It makes you stand out."

I stubbornly refused to believe her.  "Yeah, when blending in is what I'm really trying to do," I scoffed.

"Handle it, Tess.  Before anyone gets the wrong idea."

Unable to stand any more of her know-it-all talk, I hung up on her and clipped the phone back onto my belt. 

Wes hovered over me a few moments later, his brow creased and lips pursed.  "Everything okay on the home front there, Detective Hudson?"

I gathered my wits and stood, brushing my slacks free from any dust.  "Fine, thank you," I said with a reassuring smile.  His look was slightly peculiar in nature, but he let it go and continued to talk with another detective.  As for me, I set off back to my desk and flopped down with an exasperated sigh.  Peering through my fingers that covered my eyes, no one seemed the least bit concerned.  In fact, I'd had very few interactions with anyone in the office since being brought on, I'd mainly been working with Wes.  Had I done something, anything to give off a different vibe than that of a professional one?   _No, don't think that way.  Liv's not right.  Not this time.  He's training you, he's only making you a better detective_ , my conscience told me.  And I would leave it at that.  No need to bring up a subject that wasn't even an issue to begin with.

Half a day later, I hit the elevator button that would take me back to the CSU floor.  I was on my lunch break and hoped that I would catch Dennise with a spare minute or two.  Walking past Brandon, he opened his mouth to speak but the look I gave him said it wasn't the time and a new face watched in wide-eyed wonderment as I continued on to my destination.  Dennise's back was to me and she was on the phone, so I presented myself in such a way that she quickly finished the call.

"Hey Tess, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.  Just that Liv still somehow has the ability to piss me off from thirteen-hundred miles away," I grumbled, finding some sort of solace in an empty chair a few feet from her.  I just needed to breathe.  I needed to be the only one in my head for once.  I spun toward the window and looked out at the skyline when I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"You're Tess Hudson, right?" she asked.

I turned, doing my best to feign a respectable smile.  "Yeah.  I used to work-"

"I knew it!" she gasped.  And that gasp made both Dennise and I look at one another, befuddled.  "You're dating Q.  From the Impractical Jokers.  I knew you looked familiar!"

Confusion rolled in because I thought the only way she would have heard of me would have been through headquarters.  Not because of who Q was and certainly not from the damn internet.  "Uh..."  I had absolutely no idea how to answer her.

"They're friends, if that's what you mean," Dennise cut in.

I exhaled a sigh of relief and found my words.  "Yeah.  Friends."

"My best girlfriend and I go to almost every show whenever they're in town.  She's even met them a couple times in the city.  Gosh, you're so lucky," she gushed.  Her big blue eyes, cherub cheeks and curly platinum bob had me guessing she couldn't have been more than twenty-four, twenty-five.  And the way she was falling over herself simply because she knew that I just so happened to know Q, well, I was less than thrilled with how my day was turning out.

"Oh Brandon," Dennise sang out.

Immediately, he stopped what he was doing to oblige her calling and stood before us in no time.  "Trouble in paradise, Louisiana?"

I rolled my eyes while Dennise beckoned him closer with a wag of her finger.  "Last time I checked, it wasn't my turn to babysit.  We're talking adult things here so, shoo," she said quietly so that only he and I could hear.  I barely stifled my laugh while the new girl still remained in awe of what was unfolding around her. 

Oh, if she only knew...  And then I suddenly stopped my snickering.  Because if Liv had seen it, and someone I didn't even know had seen it, how far had that picture really gotten?  And how in the hell did the girl know my name if she didn't know me from the department?  Were there more things circulating that I didn't know about?  Something in my mind screamed Cam's name for reasons that made me more than afraid.  With the knowledge she had- which was that she knew Q and I _were_ together-ish, she had the ability to make my life a nightmare all over again.

"Who is she?" I asked as I leaned forward to cradle my pounding head in my hands.

"Nobody.  Just an intern.  Everything's gonna be fine, Tess.  It's all gonna blow over like it always does," Dennise said.  She stood up and put her hands on my shoulders.  "You can barely tell it's you in either of them anyway."

My eyes immediately shot to hers.  "You've seen them too?  Why didn't you say anything?" I choked out.  Raising to my feet, I paced worriedly in front of the windows and rubbed my forehead.  "What happens when Wes gets wind of it?"

"It's not exactly the safest place to talk about that.  Exhibit A," she began, nodding toward the curious intern, "as for Wes, he won't.  Trust me.  He doesn't look like the kinda guy who frequents social media," she laughed to help lighten my mood.  But I wasn't so sure because I didn't pay much attention to that scene either, yet I was still made readily aware of it.

"So I shouldn't worry about it?"

"I wouldn't.  Who cares, anyway?  It's your business, not anyone else's.  And look at the bright side, think of how many girls are already envious.  Present company included.  Sal's so set in his ways about keeping things private that we hardly ever go out," she told me.

My expression turned to one of guilt because I hadn't even thought to ask how things had been going for her.  I'd been so engulfed with my own problems that it had turned me into a horrible friend.  "I'm sorry for making this all about me," I sighed.

"Girl, don't be.  We're still good and I'm happy.  It's pretty casual anyhow so it's not a big deal.  Just tell Q what's going down and he'll handle it.  You didn't take the pictures or post them for that matter.  It's not your fault."

"But he doesn't like Wes.  That's the part that worries me," I added.

"Yeah, but you and Q trust each other and it's not like you're out parading with random guys while he's gone.  Wes is your boss.  It was work.  Simple as that," she stated confidently.

 _If only_ , I thought.  I smiled at her and decided I'd better get back to exactly that, work.  Perhaps damage control too if word spread like I feared it may.  But when I returned to my floor, no one as much as raised an eyebrow in my direction.  The unknowing Wes even gave me a small grin that made my face burn with silent discomfort once I made it back to my desk.

Deep down, I knew the pictures weren't newsworthy like an A-list celebrity's would be, but there was already an uproar amongst Q's loyal fans.  They were a tight knit group it seemed and I was no match for their wrath, especially if Cam had anything to do with anything.  She wouldn't give me a leg to stand on if she could help it.  That and the fact that it had already infiltrated NYPD headquarters in under twenty four hours wasn't making matters any better either.  With that in mind, I text Q.

_What am I supposed to do?_

Q:  I have a way with words.  I'll call you later, busy now.

"Could you be more vague?" I uttered to myself, staring expectantly at the screen.  But I did wonder what he might've said, so I text Liv in spite my earlier disdain for her.

_I'm not asking for anymore judgement, just tell me please what was posted._

Liv:  Exactly what I implied on the phone.

I rubbed my forehead again, tracing the leftover scar from that was coming up on four months old and recounted our conversation.  I'd been bitter and defensive and I still felt the same, but two of the people I held closest to my heart were mystifying me.  I didn't know what to do.  Other than to believe that Q had to understand that it was work related.  The thought of me with any man other than him was completely absurd.  He was it for me.  I banked on him to expect nothing less than that.

"Hudson, we've got something urgent to attend to.  You up for it?"  It was Wes who drew me from my internal chaos and I nodded immediately.  "Good.  I need your eyes.  Bring your camera."

An hour later, we were on the east side of lower Manhattan.  It wasn't the most pleasing sight to the eye and I'd heard a few times to stay away, so I had up until that point.  I maintained a route on the Brooklyn Bridge as my means of getting to and from work and never strayed much from that.  Wes briefed me on the ride over that a woman had contacted the police department to let them know an employee of hers hadn't shown up for work in days, thus prompting two local officers to do a welfare check.  That was when we were brought in.  The woman was dead, but her ten year old daughter was left to fend for herself.

"Jesus.  Nobody saw or heard anything?" I asked, ultimately repulsed by what I'd just heard.  I climbed out of the sedan and walked to the trunk, popping it open to retrieve a pair of black latex gloves.

Wes followed, replying, "sadly, no.  The people here, they don't like talking to the police all that often if you know what I mean."

Surely, I did.  I pulled my hair up, slid the gloves on and grabbed the camera.  "Is the kid okay?"

"She survived.  That's what counts."

It was another blustery day but I removed my coat anyhow, leaving me in just a thin button up and grey slacks.  I shivered, naturally, and followed close behind Wes into the building.  Yellow tape marked the entrance and by the time I was in the hallway, I could smell it.  The metallic stench of blood.  I swallowed hard with the camera ready as the officer allowed us to pass by.  The apartment couldn't have been more than four hundred square feet with a tiny bedroom to the right and the kitchenette to my left.  After the initial shock of what was in front of me, my problems were no longer significant.  That feeling of guilt seeped in again because I simply didn't matter anymore.  My life didn't matter one bit as I stood just inside the door where a horrific event had happened.  And a poor, innocent child had been subjected to it all.

I assessed what was around me within sixty seconds and took a step forward.  "Where's the boyfriend?" I muttered to myself.  A flannel shirt stuck out from between the couch cushions and I marked it before photographing it.  It was odd that the space smelled of blood, yet there wasn't a drop to visualize.

"Had enough time to clean up..." Wes muttered too. 

Weirdly, I smiled, kept my movements slow and meticulous around the shoebox of an apartment as I mentally noted every detail.  "Are any of the neighbors home?"

"Uniforms are trying to get statements from any who will cooperate," he told me.

Nodding, I trekked to the kitchen.  There was no stove, only a hot plate, a microwave and a sad excuse for a refrigerator which was empty.  I wanted to believe the ten year old had survived on anything she could have until police arrived.  There was no evidence of a telephone either, just a place where one had once been.  The muddy, peeling wallpaper told me so.  Unknowing if it was relevant, I captured another picture anyway.

"What are you thinking, Hudson?" Wes asked.

"I think I need to see a few more of these apartments," I stated, turning to him. 

He remained in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.  "I can assure you they're all the same," he said.

"Humor me at least?"  I let the camera hang around my neck and followed him back out into the hall.  He'd been right, there were officers lined up and down it, knocking and talking with the residents.  Carefully, I skimmed the endless stretch of doors, peeking into whichever was open.  When I was satisfied with what I'd seen, I met Wes back at the scene.

"What was that all about?" he inquired, seemingly confused with my actions.

"These buildings are based on income, right?"

"Yes..." he trailed off with an intrigued raise of his brow.

"The other apartments have something that resembles real carpet in them.  So, if someone living by these means needs a quick, cheap cover up, what do they use?"

His eyes instantly cast down to the dark green indoor/outdoor carpeting that I stood on.  "Fuckin' A, Hudson."

I joined him on the cracked and faded linoleum where we both squatted down to lift the frayed edge of the chintzy carpeting.  It was the stuff you found on boats, Florida rooms and so on, and while it didn't surprise me that it was there in that apartment, it just didn't fit.  "I'll finish getting what we need, then can we get some guys in here to help move the couch?"

"Get to work," Wes said with a triumphant grin.

I canvased every crevice of that apartment for the next forty-five minutes, collecting anything and everything I could that would lead us to who was responsible.  And whatever was under that carpet would hopefully be of great help. 

But I was sorely disappointed after three officers along with Wes got the couch out of the way.  It was the same crusty, weathered laminate floor as the kitchen without a trace of blood.  So, I pursed my lips as I bent down again to get a closer look at the newly exposed surface.  While the men in the room conversed around me, an idea suddenly popped into my head.  Squeezing through the bodies, I hurried downstairs and back to the car to grab some more supplies.  This person, whoever it was, was not going to outsmart us.

And I was right.  After spraying luminol across the floor, I shut off the main light in exchange for the black light I held in my hand.  Voila.  There'd been a pool of blood and it had indeed been cleaned up.  For the most part.  The pale blue glow even bestowed upon me some perfectly incriminating boot prints.

I was no genius- it was simple police work, but I said what I did anyway.  "Fuckin' A."

Wes laughed then squeezed my shoulders from behind.  "Good call, Detective," he said.

"Thank you, sir."  I went back to work, adjusting the camera accordingly to archive each and every angle of the room.  By the time I was finished, it was dark not only inside, but outside as well.  We were the last one's there, aside from the officer who locked the apartment behind us and the ride back was quiet.  Wes drove while I sat in the passenger seat watching the city lights pass by, happy and sad all at the same time.  Happy that I was able to discover what I did, sad that a little girl had lost her mother.  I'd been there, losing a parent, but I'd known it was coming.  The girl's life was ripped out from under her with no warning.  Not in the sense that a ten year old would understand. 

*

Then, the weekend finally arrived.  I was given two days off to recharge since there was going to be a lot to do when Monday rolled back around.  It was Saturday afternoon and though my mind had been on an emotional roller coaster, I was actually managing to keep it together.  I placed the whole Twitter debacle in one corner of my brain, the two SVU cases in another and my case front and center.  Dennise had agreed to do some more digging with me over a week ago and now that we had the time, I was scared.  Scared that I was going to come up empty handed again.  But when my door buzzed and I saw not only Dennise, but Brandon as well, the thought was fleeting.

"I get the both of you?" I laughed, bringing them each in for a quick hug.

"He overheard my plans for today and absolutely would not leave me alone until I told him he could come.  Hope that's okay," Dennise said.  I grabbed a bag from her then eyed Brandon suspiciously.

"What else was I gonna do?" he asked with an innocent shrug of his shoulders.

"It's Saturday and Brandon Carver doesn't have a date?  Shocking," I replied cheekily, putting a hand over my heart.

"Laugh it up.  I bet you by the time this night is over, you'll both be glad that I'm here," he retorted.

"That doesn't have any sort of sexual meaning behind it, does it?" Dennise inquired as the three of us ascended the stairs into my kitchen.  Her and I set the bags on the table then turned to him.  He was a gorgeous human being and the more I'd gotten to know him since moving to New York, the more I liked him, but he would always be just a friend.

"I mean, the night is young, ladies.  And Dennise brought tequila," he teased.

My jaw dropped and I looked to her.  "You brought the truth serum?" I gasped overdramatically.

"Hey, if we're working on our day off then I'm getting drunk while doing it," she told me.

My expression immediately went to one of sincere gratitude.  "Thank you.  For real.  I appreciate you agreeing to help me."

"No, no, no.  Stop right there," Brandon interjected.  He grabbed my shoulders and I met his sapphire blue eyes.  "She said drunk, Louisiana.  D-r-u-n-k.  There will be no crying tonight."

Laughing him off, I grabbed three glasses and the blender from a lower cupboard.  "I can spell, thank you very much and I'm not gonna cry."

"Good.  Now that that's settled, who's ready for a drink?" Dennise asked as she clapped her hands together.

The chat amongst the three of us over the next couple hours relieved a lot of tension to say the least and I was beginning to feel like myself again.  The relaxed me.  I wasn't overthinking things, in fact, I wasn't even thinking about work or Twitter or the intern by the time Brandon made the next round of margaritas.  That stuff would be there in the morning.  Quality time with friends might not be and I had to soak up every ounce that I could while I had the chance.  The only thing that would have made that night better was having Q there.  And I was sure Dennise felt the same about Sal.  Well, maybe. 

In the midst of the back and forth bickering, I thought of just that.  And it just slipped out.  "What's going on with you and Sal, by the way?"

She stopped and looked at me, her pale cheeks then pink because of the tequila.  "We're dating?  Seeing each other?  I don't know that there's much more to say than that."

"You're blushing," Brandon stated.  "He's seen you naked, hasn't he?"

I burst into laughter while she threw a chip at him.  "So what if he has?"

"Nah, no shame in that," he said, holding his hands up in surrender.  Then he ate the chip that landed on the floor beside him.  "Just wanna make sure my ladies are taken care of."

"You're not gonna cry, are you?" I chided, throwing another chip at him.

"Hey, real men cry, Louisiana.  And don't you forget that."

It went silent for a few moments, besides the crunching of Brandon's jaw and the low hum of the stereo.  "What about you?  Do you ever plan on settling down, Brandon?" I asked.

"When I meet the right girl, sure."

"But you're almost forty.  Isn't time running out for you?"

Glaring playfully in Dennise's direction, he wiped his mouth and shook his head.  "The two dude's who landed you are forty, aren't they?  Who's to say I won't have the same luck in finding a nice piece of trim like they have?  Eh?"

"A nice piece of trim?  What the hell does that mean?" I laughed.

"A lame and _extremely_ pigheaded way that refers to a desirable woman," Dennise informed me.

"Oh."

"Speaking of _trim_ ," she began, visibly shuddering with the word, "tell me you're not nailing the intern."

"That kind of offends me that you would assume that, ya know.  But rest assured Mother Hen, that no, I'm not nailing the intern.  Even though she may want it, twenty-three is kinda pushing it in the age department," he replied.

"Oh thank God," she exhaled.  "That explains why she's been hanging around me."

"I was nice about it.  She told me she wouldn't be weird."

"She wouldn't know what to do with you," I said with a smile, leaning my chin on my hand.

"Exactly!  Tess gets it, why don't you?"

Unimpressed, she said, "because I've known you longer than her."

Their brother-sister banter ensued and I suddenly found myself thinking of what I'd promised myself I wouldn't.  I grabbed my laptop and opened it to the web browser where my fingers hovered indecisively over the keyboard.  But that was all they did.  They just hovered for a few more lingering moments until I shut it and tossed it onto the cushion beside me.

"You guys wanna get outta here?" I asked.

They both ceased bickering and looked at me.  "I want Mexican food," Brandon blurted.

"Sounds perfect," I said happily.  I jumped up to do a quick outfit swap since they were both dressed in attire they could actually be seen publicly in.  I on the other hand still wore sweats and a t-shirt.  I slid into a dark pair of jeans and an even darker Henley shirt that dipped tastefully in front, haphazardly braided the wild mess that were my curls to the side and plopped a fitted baseball cap over the top of them.  All in hopes to remain under the radar for the evening.  The last thing I needed or wanted was to be noticed again.

I met them back in the kitchen where I pulled my combat boots and winter coat on.  Brandon grabbed a cab for us and we were off to some cantina in Bushwick.  He raved about it with the driver the entire way there and Dennise hooked her arm through mine, assuring me again and again we'd have a good time.  I nodded in silence, praying she was right though the eagerness to see _my_ picture on the internet continued to taunt me.

The restaurant had mustard yellow stucco walls with giant cacti and sombreros painted all over them and smelled of sizzling, mouth-watering fajitas.  It was low key and authentic, proving once again that Brandon would never disappoint.  We were seated at a corner table and I sat with my back to the wall in order to keep watch of my surroundings.  The place seemed harmless enough, but I'd also thought that at the bar that felt a little bit like home.  It was obvious I couldn't be too careful anywhere I went anymore.

With my arms folded on the table, I crossed my legs and leaned closer to Dennise.  "You saw the pictures, so you have Twitter, right?"

"You have so much control, Tess.  I woulda been all over that shit days ago," she replied as she reached into her bag for her phone.  With a few taps, she brought the screen up and held it in front of me.  "The girl who posted it apparently met him earlier that night, hence her avi."

"Her what?"

"Avi.  Profile picture.  Same thing."  She tapped it and it showed me how kind Q had been that night just after I'd arrived.

"I gave her that moment," I scoffed, reaching over to swipe it off the screen.  "I was there when they took that picture and this is how she repays me?  Real nice."

Laughing softly, she tapped again.  "People are assholes.  Especially when they're jealous." 

I tilted my head to read the tweet that simply read 'Q's new toy'.  "Wow.  Clever," I mumbled.

"He quoted it though and I gotta say, it was kinda funny."

"Okay, what you're saying to me right now makes no sense.  I just learned what an avi is," I said as I tried to wrap my head around the new lingo.

"Girl, you've got a lot to take in here.  You can retweet, which is like sharing is on Facebook.  Or you can quote a tweet and say whatever it is you want to about it.  Look."  Her fingers moved incredibly fast on the screen until she found Q's feed and brought it up so it was the only thing I could see.

"Turns out my parents have been lying to me.  I have a sister?" I read out loud.  My brow pulled together beneath the hat and I shook my head.  "That's not funny."

"Oh come on, yes it is.  Lighten up a little.  He has to keep his cult followers happy one way or another."

"Yeah, but isn't that kinda stoking the fire?  Aren't people gonna ask more questions now?"

"Which brings us to the other picture she posted," she continued.

It seemed to be in reply to his tweet because the words I saw sprawled across the screen for the whole world to see read ' _let's hope that is your sister, otherwise THIS is awkward_.'  That was where the second picture of me was located and for all intents and purposes, one would assume I was enamored with Wes by the look on my face.

"This is fucking bull shit," I hissed.

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't let it bother you."

"I had  _just_ made a bet with him that the waitress was going to give him her number.  She was flirting with him the whole time we were there for Christ's sake!"

"Trust me, I believe you but you need to simmer down.  You don't think Q's had to deal with crap like this before?  It's nothing.  If you were naked, sure, it might be a little bit different.  Let them have their fun with the stupid jokes and comments.  You're above all that, right?"

"Right," I mumbled.  I could very well be above it, but it didn't change the fact that it bothered the hell out of me. 

Brandon was chatting up some ladies at the table beside us while Dennise navigated her phone and I sat quietly, defeated and absolutely convinced Wes was going to see my face plastered all over the internet.  Wes...  Wes...  Why was I thinking about him?  I knew I cared about what he thought of me because he was my boss, because he'd hand picked me of all people for a specialized unit, because I didn't want to give the NYPD a bad name...

Swallowing a sip of my tequila cocktail, the thoughts snowballed in my head, coming to a query I had never once even considered.  It simply couldn't be.  Did I have a crush on Wes?


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think we're all just hoping to find that one who will love us for the fucking awesome disaster we are.

No.  No fucking way.  That was purely absurd.  I laughed out loud at the thought which in turn gathered my cohorts' attention, naturally.  If they hadn't figured out I was a little crazy by now, I would have been surprised.  I was just stressed.  That's it.  I had a million and one things rattling my brain that it was almost impossible for me to comprehend a single, rational thought.  I needed more booze.  I needed to let loose and be a normal human being.  If only just for that night.

"You going off the deep end there, Louisiana?" Brandon asked not a moment too soon.

I laughed again, closing my eyes as I drew in another sip of my purple concoction.

"We're losing her here," he added and grabbed my shoulder to bring me back to reality.

When my gaze rested upon him, I shook my head.  "I'm just thinkin' about what a shit show my life has become recently."  And with that statement, I almost wanted to cry.  I must have been hormonal.  Yep.  I looked down at my watch and convinced myself that it was indeed the time.

"Shot?"

"Please."  I nodded quickly while he left the table to approach the bar.

"You sure you're okay?" Dennise inquired with just as much concern as Brandon.

"Lady time."

"Ah."  She too nodded in understanding.

"You wouldn't have any theories as to why Cam would go all the way to Louisiana, would you?  Then to text me about it?"

She shrugged.  "My best guess is she's exhausting any and all ways to try and get under your skin?"

I let out an irritated grumble and opened up my phone.  "There has to be a reason.  A motive."

Brandon returned with a tray of shots and I instantly felt a bit more relieved even before the cool liquor touched my lips.  Just the thought of it had me feeling a little better.  "You think she has something else up her sleeve?"

He must have overheard my question to Dennise, but I could only give him the same shrug that she'd given me thirty seconds earlier.  "No telling.  I mean, I asked her to meet up so we could talk and came back at me with some shrewd, ugly response.  She did it on purpose, I know that for a fact but why the fuck would she invade my home state?  Q laid into her after I told him but I doubt it had any affect."

"What did she say?" Dennise asked.

"It's not even worth repeating.  I've met my fair share of shitty people but I think she tops that list.  I just wish she and I could reach an understanding."

"There will be no reasoning with that chick and I wish, well, we all wish you'd stop wasting your energy on it.  She's not worth it," Brandon said flatly.

I took my shot, beside myself because of how true his words were.  I was still letting her control me, in some fucked up way.  What I had with Q was beyond amazing and much to her dismay, she knew it.  So, to let some little snide, jealous, catty woman irritate me beyond belief indeed wasn't worth another thought.  I wanted to get on with my life.  I had to or I was going to run everyone I cared for far, far away from me.

"Hot damn, Louisiana, I didn't know you had it in ya," Brandon laughed.  Dennise joined him and they both polished off the tequila together.

"Sorry," I muttered.

He wrapped his arm around my neck as you would to give someone a noogie, but he placed an adoring, encouraging kiss to my pale cheek.

I grabbed my phone again when he was through torturing me and fixed my hat, pulling up Liv's last message to me even though I'd just told myself to let it go.

_I know I sound like a broken record, but you never found out what Cam's intentions were while she was in New Orleans, did you?_

Liv:  Nope.  And that's not even our hometown.  Stupid, dumb cunt.  I know she recognized me though.  Her face said it all.

_How long was she there?_

Liv:  Just a couple days.  Stayed at the White Horse with some dude.  Rental car.

_Anyone we know?_

Liv:  No one local.  Short brown hair, tan.  Hipster-ish.  Mid-thirties I'd guess.

So, some dude stupid enough to roll with the likes of her.  It didn't surprise me, it just bugged me because I wanted to get down to the bottom of it.  Whatever it was.

Just then, I noticed Dennise leaning over to my side of the table where she'd been reading the conversation.  "It's nothing.  Now put that damn thing away and do another shot with me."

I grinned because her cheeks were flushed from the latest shot and to my delight, Brandon was back with another round.  The restaurant was warm, cozy and I couldn't have imagined better company.  I mean, if Q had been there it would have been complete, but those two people who surrounded me, cared for me the way they did, it was as close to perfect as perfect could get.

The next morning, I immediately regretted not ordering the nachos I had intended on.  I was on my couch, somehow.  Dennise was in my recliner and Brandon was passed out, face down on my living room floor.  Slowly and cautiously, I sat up as to not throw my stomach into a fit, then immediately started laughing.

"I think I'm still drunk," Dennise groaned, though her eyes remained closed.

"New York's finest...  Not at their finest," I snickered and in some magical, astonishing way, I felt giddy.

"Hey.  Speak for yourselves," Brandon mumbled against the rug.  His hand still grasped the neck of a beer and I shook my head.

"You look like shit," I retorted.

"How do you know?  You can't see my face."

"No one wants to," Dennise chided, tossing herself onto her side to snuggle further beneath the blanket that covered her.

"I resent that."

"You would."

"I love you too."

"Guys, guys.  Was anyone sober enough last night to at least get stuff for mimosas?" I asked, trying not once, but twice to lift myself from the couch.

Dennise groaned again, "I don't even remember how we got back here."

"It's a good thing one of us is smart.  At least I remembered the address."  His voice was still muffled against the floor.

" _I_ resent that, you asshole."

The next thing I knew, Dennise had flung her boot at him, hitting him square in the back.  He shot up like a bat out of hell but I grabbed her shoe before anymore pain was to be inflicted.  I pushed him toward the couch where he had no problem falling into the cushions.

"Then it's settled.  I'll be back."  Still in the clothes from the night before, I stumbled putting my boots on and managed to get both arms in my coat before leaving my house.  There was a market just down at the corner and it was still cold enough to hopefully help me sober up.  I hadn't gotten that intoxicated in a long while, but as I thought about the night before- what I could remember of it at least, that was my ultimate goal.  I said hello to passersby, tucking my chin down to block out the icy wind whipping between the close set buildings.

There was no shortage of orange juice and when I found myself in the liquor aisle, I started to giggle again.  Quickly, I grabbed a bottle of vodka and cheap champagne and made my way to the clerk.  The young kid smiled and winked at me, thus forcing my thoughts to my appearance.  I knew my hat was strewn somewhere in my house because it was no longer on my head, the cold reminded me of that.  That and I probably reeked of tequila.  I thanked him after taking my change, emerging back out into the tundra from which I came.

"Tess?"

It came from behind me and I knew that voice more than I would have liked to.  In fact, it made me want to vomit right there on the street corner.

"Cam."  Dry heave.

"Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath to shoo away my hangover and turned toward her voice.  Of course she looked perfect.  Black, skin tight pants, grey peacoat and a black beret that made her blonde waves really stand out.  She was like a freaking movie star.  Another dry heave. 

"What do you want?"

"Oh, _I'm_ sorry.  You were the one who wanted to meet up with me, remember?"

Shaking my head, I nearly rolled my eyes.  "Yeah, at a scheduled time, on a scheduled day."

"Something the matter?"

It might have been the alcohol still in my system or perhaps the monthly cycle that always made itself known to me, but I wasn't in the mood.  "You make me want to hurl."

"Pregnant?"

My body flushed with rage.  "That would make you even more jealous now, wouldn't it?"

"Not really.  I mean, you were with some other guy recently, weren't you?  Or am I getting my facts mixed up?"  She tucked her glove clad hands in her pockets and took a step closer.

"You don't know a thing."

"Liam, right?"

I looked to the sky and laughed, seriously contemplating whether or not to swing the bottle of champagne in it at her head.  "You have a thing for sloppy seconds?"

Without missing a beat, she took another step forward.  "I should say the same thing about you and Q.  I mean, I did have him first."

"You and I both know he regrets that everyday of his life."

"That's not true."

"Oh, please.  Get it through that thick skull of yours already, would you?  He doesn't want you.  You might think so because you see yourself as this perfect person, but you're not.  You're only seemingly flawless on the outside and everyone who's anyone knows what an ugly person you really are deep down.  Q included.  It just took  _me_ to come into his life to make your true colors shine.  Tell me, what did he say to you that night on the phone?  Huh?"  I slung both bags to one arm and stepped closer to her. 

"He..."  She trailed off and her smug, surly attitude faded. 

 _Winning._   I took another step forward.  "He what?  Told you...  Enough already?  Or maybe that he doesn't love you, Cam?  Not the way he used to?"

"And he loves _you_?" she scoffed, quickly gaining her wits about her again.

"Wouldn't you like to know.  It must be killing you inside, but guess what?  I don't have the time for this.  I tried to be nice.  Unlike you, I'm not in seventh grade anymore," I spat almost maniacally before spinning on my heel to return to the warmth of my home.  I slipped, of course, but maintained my footing as I bolted down the snowy sidewalk.  Even with the little falter in my step, I felt proud of myself.  I held my ground, so to speak, and got the last word in.  I knew there would probably be more to follow, but I didn't care.  She could go on hating her life because I got the guy and the rest would just have to work itself out.

Upon my return, all I heard was snoring.  I had to chuckle, mainly because I was still buzzed and high on adrenaline from the most recent of events.  I shook my boots off in the foyer, hung my coat on a hook and carried my purchase to the main level.  Peeking into the living room, Brandon was the culprit- open mouthed with his hand in the waist of his pants and Dennise was in the same position I left her.  Curled beneath a blanket, her auburn hair fanned across the leather back of the chair.

In the meantime, I made myself a mimosa and thawed bacon from the freezer.  I hummed softly as I coordinated the rest of the breakfast when my phone buzzed on the counter.  I felt as if I was on a cloud and again, I wished that Q was there to share my happy mood with him.  And it was him.  On my phone that was.

"I miss you," I said once putting it to my ear.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"As opposed to?"  I twirled, flipping a burner on beneath the skillet.

"You're in a good mood," he chuckled quietly.

"That's because I think I'm still buzzed, and," I drew out the and, "I ran into Cam.  On _my_ street.  At _my_ market.  Just now."

"Jesus, Tess.  Are you okay?  What happened?"

I shrugged like he could see me.  "Nothing.  Just said what was on my mind."

"Which was?"

"Why are you up so early, anyway?"

"It's noon, baby.  How much did you drink and who did you drink it with?"  His tone became one of concern and even though I'd felt happy-go-lucky since I woke up, it all drained away the moment he spoke those words.

Leaning into the counter, I pressed the phone closer to my ear, wishing, just wishing I was against his chest instead.  "I don't know.  I was with Dennise and Brandon.  We went to dinner.  Well, we meant to.  It was supposed to be dinner, but then there was tequila."

"Tess..." he warned.

"What?  You're not gonna go all protective on me, are you?" I asked lightheartedly, taking a sip of my early afternoon cocktail.

"Tess," he said sternly.

"What?"

"What happened with Cam?"

"I told you."

"You didn't tell me anything.  She text me twenty minutes ago.  Said you were a mess."

Exhaling a rough breath, I shook my head.  "I'm not a mess.  She's a fucking mess.  A sociopath.  I don't know, both seem fitting."

"Tess."

"Stop saying my name like that.  I'm not the crazy person here.  How does she even know where I live?  Where I shop?"

Sighing, I heard him run a hand over his beard.  "I don't know."

"Are you siding with her now?  What the fuck is this?"

"No, I'm not siding with her.  I'm worried about you."

"Why?"

"You don't get drunk."

"Brian, it was _one_ night.  I was with my friends.  I'm safe.  I needed to relax a little.  And don't go saying I should have waited for you.  I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions."

"Don't you think I fucking know that?  I worry.  I know it's because I can't be there all the time and Cam, well, she didn't take our last conversation too well."

"That was pretty obvious."

"Don't be a smart ass.  I'm serious."

"Don't talk to me that way."

"I'm sorry.  Just...  Don't go out being brave.  Looking for trouble.  At least not until I'm back."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Please."

"I don't understand."

"Yes, you do.  Just please listen to me."

At that moment, Dennise accompanied me in the kitchen with a yawn, stretching her arms above her head.  "Morning."

"Morning," I said to her.  "Brian, I have to go.  Company's awake."  Mid protest, I still hit end on the screen.  I felt bad for doing so since I loved him and all, but I had things to do and things to stew over.

"Brandon's still out-" she began and we both paused to take in his most recent snore.  Laughing, she poured herself a glass of orange juice.  "Where did this come from?"

Nonchalantly, I shrugged and grabbed the carton of eggs from the refrigerator.  "Went down to the store."

"And who did you just hang up on?"

"Q."  I could feel her stare at my back, but I continued to whisk the eggs.

"You saw Cam?"

Turning to her with the bowl in my hands, I raised an eyebrow.  "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough."  While she untwisted the wire from the champagne top, her eyes remained on me as if I was supposed to continue.

"What?"

"Nothing."  She turned and poured herself a drink.

"I saw Cam, okay?  She was as obnoxious as ever and maybe I let her have it of piece of my mind.  For once in my life it felt good to actually say something for myself.  It's always someone else doing the talking for me.  Q's mad at me, Cam's probably beside herself...  Not like that matters, I just don't need another person I care about upset."

"I'm not upset.  Slightly still drunk, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't hearing things."

I laughed with relief and poured the eggs into the hot skillet.  "When you think he'll be awake?" I asked, nodding toward the living room.

"Eh, he's been in and out.  Annoying me since he heard the door shut."  She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her mimosa.  When she disappeared back to the chair, I stared at my phone.  I shouldn't have hung up on him.  He cared about my safety and I should have appreciated that, but it irked me too.  I could take care of myself.  Handle things just fine on my own.  I don't know why or how he thought me so inept, that was just unfair.  Just because I was a woman?  No, he wouldn't.  He couldn't be _that_ kind of guy.  And he never had been...  Really.   Was it because I was his in a sense?  Feeling the need to protect me?  Or was there something he knew that I didn't?

*

Work Monday morning was rough.  I was still dealing with my Saturday night hangover and though I thought the Sunday drinking would help, it didn't.  I should have seen that coming.  Dennise and I had been hysterically laughing on the kitchen floor about my run in with Cam and Brandon left soon after brunch.  I'd tried to be nice, like I told everyone and it still hadn't gotten me anywhere.

Wes looked at me when he walked in and I tried to portray some semblance of a normally functioning human being, but he must have known what had happened on my forty-eight hour break.  He chuckled to himself, then carried on to his office.  Only then did I really feel like shit.  I couldn't be off my game.  I was a fucking detective. 

"Hudson, you can stay here today."  His voice echoed from the hall and I knew that he knew.  I'd be no good in the field.  Not in my state.  I'd wanted to get drunk and let loose- and he knew.  That was absolutely why he put me on desk duty.

"Fuck, my, life," I mumbled under my breath after I heard him.  It was my own doing.  I was useless.  But I'd limit it to that day only.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Hudson?"

Why he'd gone from referring to me as Tess and back to Hudson would be a question for another time.  "Won't happen again, sir."

"You're fine.  Just get to work."

I smiled, feeling a little justified and got straight to it.  I had plenty of crime scene photos to go through, enough to get me through the next eight hours.  But when the clock hit that five o'clock mark, he exited his office and planted himself on the ledge of my desk.

"Feeling better?"

I wish I could have told him different.  "No."

"Sorry to hear that.  But it's your lucky day, well, not really since you look like hell," he began with a cheeky, teasing grin.

"You don't have to remind me," I grumbled.

"Kidding, Tess.  Go home.  Get some rest.  Lay off the alcohol tonight."  With that, he was gone.  And I was relieved.  I shut down everything in a hurry and was out the door not ten minutes later.

An hour after that, I was neck deep in a hot, steaming bath.  I could feel the water pulling the toxins from my skin, immediately washing away the horrendous work day I'd had.  Slinging a robe over my still damp skin when I was through, my phone rang from the bedroom.

I smiled, plopping myself down on the mattress.  "I miss you."  Reiterating my opening statement from the morning before, I secretly hoped he might have been in a better mood.

"Are you home?" he asked with a slight rasp in his voice.

"I am.  Why?"

"Just making sure."

I muted my groan and laid back, saying, "Brian, I told you not to worry about me."

"I hate that I can't be with you right now."

My thighs involuntarily slid together and promptly tossed away any recent annoyance I had with him.  "Just got out of the bath.  Pretty lonely in there without you," I purred.

"While that sounds like my kind of night, just...  Please be careful."

"Seriously?  What exactly are you getting at?"  My sultry mood quickly vanished and I sat back up again to finish getting ready for bed.

"Stop being so damn stubborn all the time," he coughed.

"While I do appreciate this sexy, caveman act, I'm not gonna do anything stupid."  I leaned my hip against the vanity where I rubbed my forehead.  "Are you sick?"

"I think it's just from all the shows.  And don't change the subject."

"There is no subject _to_ change, Brian.  I don't even know what you're talking about."  Then my phone notified me I had another incoming call.  Pulling it away from my cheek, it was Wes.  "Can I call you back?  It's work."

"Tess..." he cautioned with another clearing of his throat.

"I promise.  Give me five minutes.  I...  I love you."  I cursed inwardly due to the way that must have sounded.  I still didn't know why I was so hesitant to say those three little words.  It wasn't like I had to force them or anything, I guess I thought maybe they sounded silly coming from my mouth?  _Something to think about later, Tess_ , my conscience reminded me and I clicked over.

"I know I told you to go home for the night, but we just got a call.  I need you.  Meet me at the office."

Sighing, it was in the job description but that night in particular, I was in no shape to go stomping through some crime scene.  I didn't even have time to respond before he'd already hung up.  I threw on a pair of jeans and a black long sleeve shirt, tucking my damp curls beneath my baseball cap seeing how it was after hours and I was mere minutes from a good night's sleep.

When I arrived back at headquarters, it was as if I hadn't even left.  Though I felt a thousand times better.  Wes was hurriedly speaking to someone on the phone while two other people scrambled around the room.  He glanced up, quickly motioning with his hand for me to approach his office.

"Right, got it."  He clipped the phone onto his waist, spouted off a few things, then looked to me.

"Where's the fire?" I joked.  _Probably not the best time for that..._

"I see you've got your spunk back.  We have witnesses and a possible fresh, hot out of the box crime scene.  You got your stuff?"

I tried to get out of the way while the other detectives quickly rushed passed me.  "At my desk."  The raising of his eyebrows told me the obvious, so I did just that.  I unlocked my drawer to grab my bag and we were in the elevator in no time.

The hustle and bustle that had just been going on was replaced with silence.  Then his cologne.  Why elevators were so awkward was beyond me.  I was wrapped tightly in mostly black, as was he, yet when I snuck a peak at him opposite me, a stray wave had come loose from his seemingly perfect coif and his stare back was a hard, icy blue one.

"You should put your scarf on or you'll catch your death out there.  With your wet hair and all," he suggested, then tore his gaze from me to situate his leather gloves over his hands.

Swallowing with a nod, I pulled the fabric from the handle of my bag and wrapped it haphazardly around my neck.  What caught me off guard next was him adjusting it enough to cover my ears.

"I'm serious, Tess."

I gave him appreciative, brief smile and nodded again, then thought to myself how sick I was of hearing those words.  Maybe it was my stubbornness, my unwillingness even consider the thought of people worrying about me.  I'd tried to change that about myself once, after my incident, and it worked for a while- it'd even gotten Brian Quinn to confess his love for me but I was a adult, dammit.  And that wasn't the point.  Sure, I was as clumsy and uncoordinated as they came, but I had a brain for Christ sake.  A good one.

It was six in the morning before it dawned on me that I'd completely forgotten to call Q back.  "Fuck," I hissed, spinning on my heel to exit the dilapidated house.  As I opened the screen, my hopes fell because I knew he had to be fast asleep.  And more than likely still very unhappy with me.  I looked down each side of the street and it was quiet.  Eerily quiet.  Snow covered.  And yet the moon reflecting off of that snow made it seem as if it were the middle of the day.

"If you were smart, you would've picked a different line of work," Wes teased as he joined me on the desolate sidewalk.

Laughing, I turned to him.  "Hey, I take offense to that."

"Not my intention.  I've just seen that look before," he replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"I had a look?" I inquired.

He nodded, then did the same pass down the street with his eyes instead.  "Your wheels are always turning, Hudson.  I like that.  Some people just get it."

"I strive to be good at everything I do, sir."

"See!  That's what I mean!" he said with a smile and a wink, and much too enthusiastically for that time of the morning.

I jumped back at the quiet outburst and laughed, my brow pulling together with a hint of confusion.  Maybe deliriousness had set in.  We'd both been up for twenty four hours, if not more.  He clapped his hands together with the same almost deranged energy and walked back to the house.

Ninety minutes later, he was passed out in the back of the sedan and I drove us back to headquarters.  Before he'd fallen asleep though, he rambled on about a few random things from his life before New York, then mumbled about how I reminded him of a girl he once knew.  Thinking nothing of it because it was purely exhaustion talking, I chuckled to myself and somehow managed to get downtown in one piece.  I parked in the designated lot and got out, chewing on my lip because I didn't know what to do at that point.  I hated to wake him since he was sleeping so soundly, but if I left him, he'd freeze.

"Lieutenant," I said softly with a shake to his shoulder.  No response.  "Sir."  I tried again, nudging him a bit harder.  He grunted, but didn't move a muscle.  Deciding to let him be for a few minutes longer, I carefully and quietly shut the door and leaned against the back end of the car.  There, I grabbed my phone again and said screw it, dialing Q.

"Baby, hi," he murmured into my ear.

My body smiled and I warmed, though noticing his voice didn't sound much better from the night before.  "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you.  I got called into work."

"You've been out all night?"

"Mm-hmm.  And you don't sound so good."

"Just a stupid cold, I'll be fine.  Are you still with him?"

My stomach dropped.  "W-what?"

"Wes."

"Well, I mean, he _is_ my boss."  The way my words faltered, I must have sounded guilty of something.

"I don't like him."

"I know that, Brian," I sighed, glancing into the vehicle where he slept.

"What were you doing out with him?"

He had to have seen the picture from Twitter.  My insides fell even farther into despair.  "It was late and he drove me home.  We stopped off and had one drink.  That's it."  The silence on his end of the line killed a little part of me.  "It was stupid of me and I regret it."

"Why?"

"Because it's all over the fucking internet now!" I said in a huff, failing to keep my voice down.

" _That's_ what you're worried about?"

"Aren't you?"

"I'm more concerned with the fact that you were with him.  At a bar.  Alone, no less.  I could give a two fuck's about what people say on Twitter, you should know that."  The way his accent reared made me feel like a pile of crap.  _He's one to talk, Tess_ , the little voice in my head muttered.  But I wasn't going to go there.  That would be opening a different can of worms and I wasn't envious.  Well, not that much.  Other women could pine after him, but he loved me after claiming that he couldn't love.

"I don't know what to say," I nearly whispered.

"Then I guess we're done talking for now."

I nodded and closed my eyes, allowing the tears to rain down my cheeks.  I wanted to beg him to stay on the phone and apologize over and over, but I didn't.  I wouldn't.  What I had done wasn't meant to harm anyone and it was never my intention to make him question me, but from the outside looking in, I guessed one could make their own assumptions.  Q included.  And he had, yet the truth of the matter was I belonged to him.  Heart and soul.  Why he couldn't comprehend that baffled me.  He had absolutely nothing to worry about.

"He's just jealous, T."  It was Liv's voice I heard next since I'd immediately called her after Q ended that dreaded conversation.

"He's not jealous.  That's not in his nature," I dejectedly replied.

"Oh, give me a break.  He's a man for Christ sake.  They're not always rational with their feelin's.  Especially not him," she told me.

I paced the length of the car, leaving footprints in the snow that was beginning to settle.  "He's so disappointed, Liv.  I don't know what to do."

"While fraternizing with the new, handsome boss man not being the best decision you've ever made, it'll blow over.  It's tough, Q being gone all the time, I'll give you that.  He doesn't know what the job demands and that's all you're doing.  You can't control who you work under."

But I'd made that choice.  I very well could have stayed with the Crime Scene Unit.  With Dennise.  Brandon.  But no, I had to go and take a new position with some lieutenant that was barely a blip on my radar.  I even thought him a little odd our first meeting.  Q hadn't liked him from the get-go either.  Maybe she was right and Q _was_ jealous.

"I'm right and you know it.  Just chill.  It's gonna be fine," she said, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Get outta my head."

"Trust me, I don't want anywhere near that brain a'yours.  Y'all are nuts.  Two peas in a pod who just can't accept the fact that you're perfect for each other and too damn stubborn to just let it be."

"I'm not-"

"Yes.  You.  _Are_.  You're even doing it right now, dumb dumb.  Let him be.  When he gets home things will be different."

I rolled my then dried eyes and stopped pacing when I saw Wes climb out from the backseat.  "Hey, I gotta go."

"Be smart," she said in a mocking tone.

"Can you just...  Never mind.  I'll talk to you later."  I closed the screen and clipped the phone back onto my hip.  "Mornin' sunshine."

"You okay?" he asked, walking closer.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Well, for one, your eyes look a bit on the puffy side and two, cars aren't sound proof," he stated as he ran his hands through his hair.

My face reddened.  "Oh, uh...  Yeah, just a small personal life debacle.  Nothin' to fret over."  _How much had he heard?  Fuck._

"You sure?  I don't like seeing beautiful women cry."

"I wasn't crying," I retorted quickly to save my dignity.  "It's just, it's been a long night."

"Wanna grab breakfast?  Least I can do for calling you back in."

Liv's words resounded between my ears, _be smart_.  "I'm gonna have to pass.  I'd like to go home, if that's okay with you."

"I can give you a ride-"

"Thanks, but I need to think about this case and I do best when I'm alone."  It was Q I heard next.  Alone, at a bar.  With _him_.

He took my decline rather well and nodded, though his tired blue eyes fixated strangely on me.  "Alright.  Maybe next time.  I'll see you tomorrow morning."

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I trekked across the lot full of unmarked black sedans and police cars, finding myself at the corner of Park Row and Pearl.  The city was coming abuzz for another busy day despite the weather, but people had places to go and things to do.  Much like I did.  I needed another cleansing to wash away the dirty house I'd spent the entire night in, that and my conscience.  I wasn't as horrible a person as I felt, but the guilt riddled through me nonetheless.  I hadn't done anything wrong.  Not in my eyes.

After I'd showered, I settled beneath my comforter in one of Q's shirts and a pair of sweats.  It still smelled of him and it eased my nerves only for a second because I had too many other things that tore that sweet solace right out from under me.  I stared at the screen of my phone, deciding to go against Liv's advice and download the Twitter app.  It took a few minutes to appear, seeing how I'd given my neighbor access to my Wi-Fi.  It was the least I could have done since she'd basically saved my life.

"Pick a name," I said out loud to myself.  So, I did.  It was lame and uncreative, but I really had no idea what I was doing.  I searched for Q first, reading through post after post until I came to the one where he'd implied I was his sister.  I didn't know why it irked me so, but all the likes and replies snuck their way under my skin.  I wished there was some way to erase it all- from the internet, from my memory foremost, yet it still remained out there to be seen and toyed with.

There were a lot of hateful comments, desperate ones too, begging him for just a shred of attention.  I was referred to more horrible names than I would have liked to have seen in a lifetime but there wasn't a thing I could do about any single one of them.  My silence was golden, I had to keep telling myself that.  I knew where my place was in his life and I believed that Twitter, stupid Twitter remained pretty low on his list judging by the way he'd talked about it earlier that morning.

Without hesitation, I protected my account and followed the few people I knew.  Dennise, Liv, Q.  I'd probably never revisit the thing since it was nothing short of vile words spoken of me, someone that not even one of Q's seven-hundred-thousand and some odd followers knew a damn thing about.  Then I saw Cam.  She followed him and he her, though I thought he'd left her in the dust a long time ago.

"Stupid app," I mumbled.  But she still set my skin on fire.  _The nerve..._   I scoffed and threw the phone to the foot of my bed.

I slept for hours.  Body and mind, I needed every minute.  That was until I dreamt again.  Then I wanted to wake up.  But I couldn't.  I relived that nightmare over and over and each time, it got worse.  I felt the snow.  The ice.  The horrific pain that was inflicted time and time again on the most calamitous night of my life.

I shot up from my pillow in a cold sweat the very moment I was able to tear myself from the memory and I panted, gasping to catch my breath.  Unknowingly, I reached for the other side of the bed hoping Q'd be there, but it was cold.  Untouched.  Darkness surrounded me and I had no idea what time it was, all I knew was the pain in my chest that wouldn't go away.  It hurt, more than words could describe and I cried myself back to sleep somehow because everything that was happening had bubbled over.  I felt as if I was falling apart.

*

"Morning, Hudson," Wes said to me.

I heard him, but there was no acknowledgement.  No energy.  No quick witted answer.  I stared blankly at my computer screen, still analyzing the prior night's sleep.

"Tess, you okay?"

It was his warm hand on my shoulder that brought me back.  I coiled away from his gesture, looking up at him with dark, hooded eyes.  "I'm fine."

He became uneasy, almost as if I had scared him though I had no clue how I could do such a thing.  "Okay," he drew out, then sobered.  "Briefing, my office.  Ten minutes."  He stared at me some more.  "You want coffee?"

"I said I'm fine," I barked.  Taking a deep breath, I pulled my photos into a neat pile in front of me.  Yeah, I was in a mood.  It happens to everyone, or so I tried to tell myself.  Q was upset with me, I was drained and the last place I wanted to be was at work.  With Wes.  I knew he had done nothing wrong, but my current situation had stemmed from me spending time with him.

Unable to wait the ten minutes, I flopped my behind into a chair at a table in the briefing room.  I made sure to keep my distance and my mouth shut, seeing how I'd just been quite rude to my commanding officer.  He sat near the door and I in the back, but that didn't stop him from stealing glances in my direction.

"You're in a different mood today," he stated, flipping through some paperwork.

I rubbed my forehead with both hands, keeping my eyes on the faux wooden surface underneath my elbows.  "A lot on my mind."

"About the case, or..."

"Stuff at home."

"Trouble with the boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Tess..."

"Lieutenant."

"Detective Hudson, what's really the matter?" he corrected.

I couldn't very well tell him.  Not in a million years.  I was deprived of true rest, physical attention and release and many other things that couldn't be pinpointed at that moment.  "Nothing," I lied.

"Is it the picture?"

My eyes immediately darted to him.  "What?"

"The picture of you and I.  At the bar last week."

"How do you know about that?"

"Your guy, he's famous so to speak.  Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't watch television," he chuckled.

The grey walls suddenly began to wobble around me and I heard chatter in the hallway.  "You're not old," was all I could come up with.  _Good one, ya dunce._

He laughed again, putting a hand over his heart.  "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Other detectives quickly filed in, saying good morning amongst one another until they silenced and focused all of there attention to the front.  On Wes.  Who glanced at me more often than not, and that made me shift uncomfortably in my plastic chair until it was through.

On my lunch break, I descended floors to seek out Dennise.  The twit of an intern looked at me with an envious glow in her eyes but I couldn't- and wouldn't be bothered with any fan girl nonsense that day.  Like many times before, I sat down across from her at the desk and sagged in the chair.

"You look delightful today," she snickered.  Her fingers still tapped on the keys of the computer as if I hadn't magically appeared in front of her.

"I feel delightful," I muttered.

"Liar.  You look like shit."

"I feel like shit."

"Go on a bender by yourself, Louisiana?" Brandon chided.

"Shut up," both Dennise and I said in unison.

Then she turned sincere, "what's wrong?"

"What's not wrong?  Q thinks there's something goin' on between Wes and I and Wes is...  Well, he's being too damn nice," I confessed.

"So Q's jealous?"

"Liv said the same thing but there's just something...  Off about...  _Everything_.  And Cam conveniently thrusting herself back into my life right when she did, I just don't know what the actual fuck is going on."

"They'll be back in two and a half weeks.  It'll sort itself out," she said.

"I don't believe it.  I didn't _do_ anything."

"Tess, c'mon."  Only then did she tear her eyes from the computer.

"What?"

"You're adorable," she began.

"And so, so clueless," Brandon agreed as he plopped down beside me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked sharply, my irritation growing into something uglier.  Getting up, I walked to the window overlooking the city and stared into oblivion.

"Hey, hey, Louisiana.  Relax for a second and listen," Brandon interjected.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned and looked at him, unamused.  "What?"

Then they both started laughing.  "Dennise is right, you _are_  adorable.  And I know I threw in clueless, meaning that in the nicest way..."

"About what?" I huffed.

"I don't know.  Maybe he's got a little crush on you?" Dennise teased, raising an inquisitive brow.  "I mean, half the entire building does so it wouldn't surprise me if he did too."

"Are you being serious right now?  'Cause this isn't funny."

"Lighten up, Tess," Brandon told me while putting his hands on my shoulders. 

I shrugged him off instantly to lean against the glass.  "I really wish you wouldn't have told me that.  The last thing I need is to make things more awkward."

"You don't need any help in that department."

"Brandon, can you just not?  Don't listen to him, Tess.  You're fine.  Everything's gonna be fine.  Wes knows you're in a relationship and he's a professional as are you, so don't give it another thought."

But it didn't help and my brain went straight into overdrive.  That being a huge understatement.  I was still drained in every aspect of my existence and the conversation that had just occurred didn't help at all.

I tried not to think about it and knew that was a joke when I stepped back onto my floor.  I saw him across the office, avoided any and all eye contact and snuck stealthily back to my desk.  There was a cup of expensive coffee waiting for me and on the napkin, he'd written ' _get your head back in the game._ '  Groaning inwardly, I badly wanted to toss it into the trash but I needed the pick me up.  The heavenly dark roast was just the right temperature when it hit my lips and it nearly came right back out when he appeared in front of me.

Choking back his laughter, he offered the napkin to me.  "Didn't mean to frighten you.  Feeling better?"

"Sure," I lied.  I wiped my chin and shirt, still keeping my eyes focused on anything but him.  I was a jittery mess hence learning what I had not ten minutes prior.  Whether it held true or not and I prayed not, it still remained hard as hell to act like myself.

"Did I do something to upset you, Tess?" he asked next, sitting down on the edge of my desk.

I tried to scoot away in a subtle fashion he wouldn't notice and finally locked eyes with him.  "What?  Of course not."

"That picture isn't still bothering you, is it?"

My face went red.  "No," I blurted.

He smiled proudly, "people are always going to insinuate what they want, especially when it comes to the girlfriend of a celebrity."

"I'm not his girlfr-"

"Okay, okay," he cut me off and held his hands up in surrender.  "You're not his girlfriend.  What's bothering you then?"

Sighing, I shook my head.  "It's nothin'.  Honest.  Can I get back to work now?"

Thankfully, he let me be for the rest of the day and I was able to put together my report from the bust the night before.  I yawned when the clock struck five, stretching my arms victoriously above my head.  I was able to keep Q out of my thoughts up until that moment and I found myself sighing again.  My screen opened and I read through the last text he'd sent me, brushing my thumb attentively over his words.  It was days old and it made me miss him more.  It made me want to make things right even more.

"Hudson, before you go," Wes called out.

I raised my head to where the voice had come from and my brow furrowed.  "Yes sir?"

"My brother just got into town.  You should meet him."

"I really need to get goin'.  Raincheck?"

He pursed his lips but for some reason, he let it go.  "Sure thing.  Maybe lunch tomorrow."

"Maybe," I muttered inaudibly.  I needed to keep some space between us.  I had to, for Q.  I wanted to because I couldn't very well fathom the thought of ruining what he and I had.  Packing up, my exit was hasty as to not be on the receiving end of any more questions or requests.

When I got home, I immediately wished I had gone to Q's instead.  Having those three little felines dancing around my feet would have made me feel better.  But, like a robot, I'd told the cab driver Brooklyn.  I tossed my keys onto the table in my foyer and climbed the stairs, seriously contemplating just to pass out on my couch.  My legs were heavy as was my heart and I didn't have anything left.  Not until I heard my doorbell ring.

I looked at my watch that told me it was just past six and I knew I wasn't expecting any company.  As I descended the steps, part of me was convinced it would be Wes standing on my stoop.  That was the very last thing I needed.  So, as I said the words don't be Wes, don't be Wes over and over in my head, I pulled open the door.

"Kwiatuszku!  This phone does not work anymore!" the tiny Polish woman who was my neighbor exclaimed, pushing her way past me into my home.

"What?  Let me see," I said as I took the device from her.

Her little arms flailed in the air like it was some catastrophic event and spouted things off incessantly in a language I did not understand.  I motioned for her to come upstairs and explained to her that the internet was down.  That was it and not uncommon.  Not since I moved in.  I told her over a cup of coffee that it would be restored soon, then paused just before she was going to leave.

"Mrs. D.?"

"What is it, my little flower?" she asked in her thick accent.

"That, um...  The night," I began, not realizing how much it pained me to talk about it until then, "when I was attacked.  I know you spoke to the police and told them everything you could, but is there anything else you remember?  At all?"

Her grey hair shimmered beneath the light and she shook her head with a smile, one that told me she probably didn't grasp what I was asking.  She kissed my cheek with a wink and simply said, "zloty.  Very loud."

Then she was gone.  Her words rang loud in my head and bounced between my ears though I still didn't know what 'zloty' meant.  Or 'kwiatuszku' for that matter.  I changed into something more comfortable before sitting down at the kitchen table to search for the word.  After only a few minutes, I stared at my screen in bewilderment.  "Gold?"

 _The gold car, you idiot_. _What else would she have meant?_   From what I could remember of my dreams, the car, whenever it appeared, the engine always had a loud rumble to it.  Like the muffler had been completely absent.  Not very slick on their behalf and I should have investigated that hunch much, much sooner than I did.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. -Unknown

I opened up my laptop to search the vehicle database for anything that might match.  It sounded rather futile the more I thought about it, but I had nothing else to go on.  Writing down the names and addresses of those registered, I realized it was nearing four o'clock in the morning.  Then, just like I had thought earlier, I asked myself what I was going to do with the information I had gathered.  I couldn't possibly seek these people out and interrogate them.  It would be out of line and who the hell would admit to being there the night of my attack?  So, I had wasted hours of my life for what?  A list of New York citizens that I had absolutely no business getting into contact with.

Maybe I'd done it to distract myself from Q.  As I recounted our last conversation, the disdain he'd held for me was quite apparent.  I wasn't even sure if he was going to talk to me again.  Groaning, I laid my head in my hands after a meek attempt to rub the tired from my eyes.  Everything in one way or another was of no help and no use.  Getting any sleep before having to return to work, my case, pretty much my entire life in general lately.  I needed a vacation.  A real one.  Uninjured so I could actually enjoy myself.

That was a quick afterthought because I decided to ready myself to head back to the office.  It was still chilly outside and it felt almost as if winter had no intention of letting up.  And I wondered if it might have set a record or something because it just felt too long.  Probably since it was my first one, but what I'd give to have the warmth of sunshine kiss my pale skin.  Maybe Mother Nature was stuck, just like me.  In a big, fat rut.

Again, afterthought.  I walked into the dimly lit office, scanned the space and found my desk.  There were a few coworkers around, but they were quiet.  It had an eerie feel to it- I'd never seen it so empty.  Wes wouldn't be in for another couple hours, and I was thankful for that.  Q's words were on loop, the one's strongly expressing his feelings toward Wes.  I couldn't do anything about it though.  He was my boss.  There was no problem with Brandon, so, for him to be adamantly displeased with another male in the workforce was hard for me to wrap my head around.

Knowing it was still for nothing, I sat in the silence, using the work computer to dig a little deeper into the names I had come across.  No one had records.  Just normal people, leading normal lives that needed no tampering with on my account.  When I saw Wes, I quickly exited the program and pretended to be enamored with something else.  He read me like an open book, smirking as his strut closed in on my space.

"What brings you in so early today, Hudson?" he quipped as he laid his coat over his arm.

Feigning a smile and credibility, I shrugged.  "Couldn't sleep."

"What're you working on?" he asked, peeking his head around to look at my computer screen.

"Catching up on e-mails, Facebook."

"What, no Twitter?  Might as well while you're on company time."

"No," I laughed.  My face heated when I thought about how much blasphemy the internet could stir up.

"What's this?" he inquired.  His hand was quicker than mine and he spun the piece of paper toward him.

I only turned more red as I tried to grab for it.  "Th-that's nothing.  It's nothing."

"List of suspects?"

"No."  I tucked it away successfully a moment later, shaking my head.

His brow creased and he studied me oddly.  "Okay.  Is there something I should know about?"

"It's...  No.  It's a personal matter.  Nothing concerning the department."

"Your case?"  The concern grew in his expression, then he set his things down to pull a chair up.  "I know you want answers, Tess.  And I know my attempts to help you have been less than conclusive, but we'll get to the bottom of it.  I promise."  That's when his hand covered my forearm.  An involuntary shiver ran down my spine and though I did my best to mask it, I had a feeling it wasn't convincing at all.

"Really, it's nothing."  I slid from his touch as smoothly as I could and the inside of my cheek.

The corner of his mouth twitched into another smirk and he backed off.  "You can trust me, Tess."

Something about his last remark didn't sit well for some reason, one I chalked up to my recent paranoia.  "I know."

"Do you?"

"What?" I responded a few seconds too slow.

Chuckling, he crossed his arms confidently over his chest.  "I like you, Hudson."

The office spun violently around me and my breath hitched and of course the only thing I could sputter was, "what?"  Again.  What was going on in that moment couldn't actually be happening in real time.

"You.  You're hilarious.  And adorable.  So...  What's the word I'm looking for?  Hell, I don't know.  You just, you make this job entertaining."  Still laughing, he stood to squeeze my shoulders from behind. 

And I was frozen in absolute humiliation.  I could feel the heat radiating from my face which too dried my throat like I hadn't had a lick of water in weeks.

"Not like _that_ , Tess.  I know you have a boy- er, you have a _friend_ ," he clarified.  But he was the one that was unconvincing that time because his mouth was much, much too close to my ear.

Then he was gone.  Allowing me to gulp in privacy.  _What, the, fuck, was that,_ I asked myself.  When he was out of sight, I hurried to the bathroom to douse my face in the sink and pretend what just happened, didn't in fact.

*

"I...  I have to quit," I told Dennise.

She snickered, unbothered, "you do _not_."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

Tearing her green eyes from the computer, she looked at me.  "Tess, I feel like Liv should be the one to tell you this, but you're overreacting."

"I'm not!  Q's already pissed and if he found about this, I-"

"-Nothing happened," she interjected.

"Something _did_ happen.  And it was weird."

"Brandon does that crap all the time."

"Wes isn't Brandon."

"You're right, Wes is funnier."

"I resent that," Brandon shouted from the coffee machine.

Ignoring him, I rested my elbows on my knees and sank my fingers into my curls.  "This isn't funny, you guys."

"What isn't funny?"  It was the tiny intern, looking perky as ever.  Too perky with her curled, cropped hair and rosy cheeks.  I lifted my head to glare in her direction because I was in no mood.

Dennise promptly intervened, "you're supposed to be returning evidence downstairs."

"I did that already.  Tess, or, I mean, Detective Hudson, are you okay?"

"Are you serious with this shit?" I spat, raising angrily from my seat to pace the length of the window.  I could tell it had been a little too harsh because her voice was softer and a bit uneasy, but I couldn't have cared any less.  She said a few more words to Dennise and politely excused herself.

"Take a breath, Tess.  Wes is a nice guy.  He's just being friendly," Brandon said, pressing his grip into the same spot Wes's had been not long ago.

On the verge of tears, I was completely overwhelmed though I listened and took that long breath.  It didn't help liked I had hoped and I wasn't sure I'd be able to focus the rest of the day.  But I had to.  I had to be professional.  Unaffected.  How I'd gotten through life as the person I was baffled me.  And into the world of law enforcement even.  My father would not be proud.

Luckily, Brandon escorted me back to my floor and it seemed ease my nerves more than expected.  I repeated the breaths, telling myself to calm the hell down and to stop acting like an idiot.  It was nothing.  Dennise was right.  I was overreacting.  Majorly.

With new found tenacity, I walked through the maze of desks until I found mine.  I thanked Brandon and shooed him off in normal fashion, but he was stopped at the elevator by Wes and a face I didn't know.  A few yuks and handshakes were exchanged which was a little surprising, then just as Brandon disappeared, Wes made a beeline to me.

"Fuck."  I busied myself, but I was stopped when his voice filled my ears.

"Tess, there you are.  Everything okay?" he asked.

Mustering some sort of pleasant smile, I replied, "you don't need to keep asking me that.  I'm perfectly fine.  Is this your brother?"  Again, I wondered how I functioned semi-normally.

"Mason, this is the detective I've been telling you about.  She's an outstanding asset."

Swallowing hard, I stood and shook his hand.  "Please, spare him the details.  I'm Tess."

"Stop being so modest, Hudson.  You do great things."

My eyes dropped to the floor and took notice on the way down of how different they seemed.  Wes was in his usual attire which was a suit and tie, while his brother was thin, yet muscular, wearing tight jeans and a hoodie.  His hair was combed back, straight and slick a lot like Liam's, yet a shade of light, golden brown.

"You weren't kidding," Mason mentioned.

That got my attention and I looked to Wes for an explanation.  He laughed it off, slinging an arm over his brother's shoulder.  "Right?"

Befuddled, I asked, "good or bad?"

"Wesley said you were a knockout, but I wasn't expecting this."

I wished I could have played it cool like Liv or Dennise would have, but I did my typical one-eighty and sat down to hide my embarrassment.  "Lieutenant," I warned.

"Hey, I can't lie."

Into a downward spiral I went.  "I need to get to work.  Nice meeting you."  I wanted to crawl under my desk.  Or go home.  To Q's.  Anything that would lead to my escape.

"Okay, okay.  We'll leave you to it.  But we're gonna get drinks while he's in town one night.  Clear your schedule," he said with a wink and inwardly, I cringed.  I tried to remind myself of what Brandon told me, that he was just being friendly which I couldn't fault him for, but I also couldn't forget the way Q felt about the whole situation.  Add in another man who just happened to be related to Wes, that absolutely wasn't going to fly.

"Of course," I lied.  Little did he know, I would do anything and everything to avoid that scenario.  Hopefully Mason wouldn't be in the city for too long because one only had so many excuses.  And I'd feel one hundred percent better if Q was back.

After they dispersed, I thought of Q again and how I hadn't heard from him.  I grabbed my phone, saw the picture of Liv and I on the screen and had to laugh because she would be having a field day with all of the good looking men I'd come in to contact with since moving to New York.

*

For my sake, the remainder of the day went by without another hiccup.  I was able to tie up all the loose ends from the last case and pack up before six.  Deciding to check in on Q's cats, the cab driver took me to Staten Island.  I told him not to wait and made my way into his warm home.  They were ecstatic for my company as was I, mainly because they couldn't talk.  My brain needed a rest from humans.

After filling their dishes back up and maybe, just maybe sneaking them a little tuna, I poured myself a glass of whiskey over ice.  It loosened my body with just one sip that elicited a long, relaxing sigh as I leaned back against the counter.  I stayed in that spot a while where my fingers hovered over the keyboard on my phone, trying to come up with the right words to say to Q.  All I could think of was 'I miss you', which was the whole truth, but it wasn't going to fix anything.

_I'm sorry if I disappointed you._

His response came through rather quick to my surprise.

Q: It's fine.

It didn't sit well, as were a lot of other things lately, and I was back to square one.  It wasn't fine.  I knew he was surrounded by women all day everyday, but if he were to be out with just one in particular, I guess I wouldn't feel too good about it either.  That made me think of Cam and I shuddered.  And again, I couldn't blame him, she _was_ smoking hot after all and maybe she wasn't as crazy back then as she was now.

Laying comfortably in his bed, I flipped through channel after channel, snuggling closer to his pillow that smelled of him.  I missed him like crazy and I really hoped that I could patch things up once he was home.  Kind of hard to do over text.  Just as I was about to doze off, a familiar, distant rumble caught my attention.  Throwing the covers off, I raced to the front window and waited.

It got closer, closer, closer, but I couldn't see it yet.  All the lights were off in the house, so I prayed and held my breath, hoping I couldn't be spotted should it come into sight.  If it just so happened to be the vehicle I was expecting.  Low and behold, the gold sedan rounded the corner with a loud growl, crawled in front of Q's driveway before making it's way up the street about a quarter mile.

My blood began to boil and all common sense was thrown to the wind as I ripped open the front door, trekking across the snow covered yard in my bare feet.  The wind whipped my hair around my face, through the layer of clothing I wore and I wasn't the least bit bothered.  That might have been my only chance to come face to face with whoever may or may not be stalking me.

Naturally, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell onto my side, all the while a slew of curse words were uttered quite audibly.  I hastily picked myself up and brushed off the slush, continuing on my way.  With only five more steps until I could get a clear view of the license plate, the tires spun angrily at the concrete, throwing ice and snow into the air, it took off.

"God dammit!" I shouted furiously.  I bolted into a sprint as it had to make a U-turn to leave Q's street.  All in a flash, in the darkness of that winter's night, I saw nothing.  The windows were tinted black and the speed of the car taking off had covered the plates with the dirty, frozen precipitation.

The crash landing I'd taken had soaked in, made my teeth chatter so, hastily I scurried back to the comfort of indoors.  Stripping out of my wet clothes, I set them on the dryer only to find out that I was bleeding.  I'd left a trail of blood from the front door, through his kitchen and finally to where I stood in my underwear.

My knee and elbow were dripping quite profusely and in order to prevent a bigger mess, I grabbed the roll of paper towel and covered my wounds.  I hissed in discomfort when I applied pressure to both and knew immediately that this was not going to please Q.  As I waited for it all to stop, I realized I should have thought my actions through a bit more.  Firstly, I should have put shoes on.  Secondly, I should have grabbed my service weapon.

"Stupid," I muttered.  I didn't know who I would have been dealing with had someone exited the car.  Or what kind of confrontation it would have been had they not sped off into the night.

Then my phone rang.  My heart lodged in my throat when I saw it was Q calling.  With a shaky hand, I answered and put it on speaker.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Are you out of your mind?" he barked.  I winced.

"What?"  Confusion set in.

"I have security cameras at the house, Tess.  What the hell was that all about?  What were you doing out there?"  The tone of his voice sharp and infuriated, cutting deep into my gut.

"That car's been in front of your house multiple times and it might just so happen to be connected with my case," I told him, rather unafraid.  I should have been though.  He was pissed.  There was no doubt about that.

He breathed heavily into the phone and I knew what was coming was going to be much worse.  "So, you mean to tell me that you went outside where someone potentially fucking dangerous sat and just thought you'd strike up a casual conversation?"

"I-"

"They could have had a gun.  They could have hurt you.  They could have taken you."

"Q, I-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it, Tess.  What did I tell you?  Don't go out doing stupid things.  You're smarter than that.  Well, at least I thought you were."

Ouch.  That hurt.  That's when it came apparent to me that I had started to cry.  I hated that I was, but I guessed it to be my own fault.  I had been stupid.  Careless.  So desperate to find anything I could use that I had only been thinking about one person.  Myself.  I was the one to blame for everything.  My conscience tried to tell me that once his initial reaction and temper cooled, he would ask me if I was okay.  Or tell me that he still loved me.  Anything to make me feel better.

Then he sighed and I could almost picture him running a frustrated hand over his beard.  "Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Brian, wait," I began, but it was too late.  My phone beeped, telling me he had already ended the call.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day of your life. You just gotta get there. -Unknown

Before I knew it, I had dressed, gathered my things and called a cab to take me home.  I didn't belong there anymore.  Not after that.  I was almost one hundred and ten percent positive that I had just screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.  Even more than I already had previously.  I ached in silence on the forty-five minute ride back to my place, both physically and mentally.  My fresh wounds throbbed, but the pain in my heart trumped them tenfold.

When I crawled into my own bed, I wished and wished him there.  To wrap his arms around me.  To hold me tight and tell me everything would be okay.  To take back the harsh words he'd spoken earlier even though I deserved every bit of it.  He was just being honest.  And he was right.  Though it wouldn't change matters, I would just feel better.  Less broken.

But I knew all along that it would end one day.  I just wasn't and would never be ready for it.  I would have to accept it.  Move on.  That was the only way I could keep living.  I was going to have to let him go.  And stop being such a baby about it.  Relationships end whether you want them to or not.  Life isn't fair, so on and so on.  I knew the spiel.

Morning came much too fast and after taking one look in the mirror, I called Wes to let him know I wouldn't be in.  I should have gone to work to keep my mind busy, but my appearance would draw too much attention and too many questions.  That was the last thing I wanted.  His concern was endearing, yet no help.  I still felt weird about what other people saw as just a friendly gesture.  I wasn't convinced.

After that, I turned off my phone.  I wanted no outside contact.  No words would be encouraging enough.  I was determined to grieve in solitude.  Most of the day, I mainly laid uselessly on my couch just staring at the high ceiling.  Unmoving.  Unable to feel much of anything.  Though when I failed at my hunger strike, I rose to raid the refrigerator which reminded me that I needed to grocery shop.  Bad.

 _Another day_ , I thought, grabbing the jar of peanut butter from the pantry.  I flipped on my television, mostly for the comfort of background noise to drown out my thoughts.  As night drew closer, I battled with myself about whether to look at my phone or not.  It had sat silent just like me for hours.  I wanted to tell Q that I'd be needing a copy of the footage his security cameras caught, but I knew it was too soon to be asking him for any favors.  Or maybe I could have Dennise do it at some point.  She could be the buffer and I was sure she would have no problem.

A knock sounded at my door and I jolted upright just as my heart rate skyrocketed.  It was probably Wes checking up on his dimwitted detective and he was the last person I wanted to see.  Not that I didn't like him, as a coworker, I just wanted the dust to settle after out encounter the day before.  When I cracked the door with the chain still intact, it was indeed Wes.  And his brother.  _Fuck_.  Double whammy.  This was not good.

"What's up?" I asked through the small opening.

"Thought we'd drop by to cheer you up.  Your phone went straight to voicemail otherwise you would'a had a little warning," he replied with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, I'm just fine, sir.  I appreciate it though," I said in a lame attempt to get out of the what would be awkward situation.

"C'mon, Tess.  Mason came all this way to visit his big brother.  We wouldn't want to disappoint him now, would we?"

'I really don't care' was what I wanted to tell him, but that annoying nice girl inside of me wouldn't have it.  "Right."  I pressed my lips together into a thin line as I shut the door and opened it back up for them to pass.  They did, graciously, and I waved them up to the main floor.  They didn't come empty handed either, again throwing up a big, red flag.  Mason set a twelve pack of beer on my kitchen table while Wes wielded a brown paper bag that no doubt had some sort of whiskey in it.

"So, Mason.  Have you been to New York before?" I inquired, grabbing a few glasses from the cupboard.

"I have.  But this is the first time since Wes started working here," he explained.  Taking one of the pint glasses I'd set out, he popped the top of the long neck and strategically filled it without spilling a drop.

"Ah."  I nodded, then went quiet, unknowing of how to make conversation.  _Typical_.

"He's thinking about making the move," Wes informed me as he too grabbed a glass for himself.  But not before grabbing ice to chill the whiskey drink he promptly made for me.

"Ah, where do you live now?  Thank you."  I took the rocks glass and hurried it to my lips.

"Florida."

"Very nice.  Ya know, I wasn't so sure about leaving the warmth of Louisiana when I got offered a job up here but I must say, the city grows on ya."  Part truth, part lie.  I was only hoping for no dead air.  As if I weren't already feeling awkward enough.

"That's where I know that accent from.  I thought it sounded familiar.  It's very...  Distinguished," Mason said with a grin that matched Wes's.  That was about the only thing they had in common.  Mason reminded me of an indie kind of guy.  Wes was business.  Their outfits said it all.

"Yeah, kinda one of those things you can't get rid of," I said with a haphazard shrug.  His phone rang and he excused himself.  That was when I felt Wes staring at me.

"You okay, Tess?  You didn't sound good this morning."

"Yeah.  Yeah, I'm good.  I just didn't sleep well last night," I fibbed.  I sucked down more of the amber liquid, trying to avoid his icy blue eyes.  I moved to put their beer in the fridge and when I turned back, he was standing right in front of me.  So close that I nearly collided with his chest.  "Sorry, I-"

"If you wanna talk about it, this is a safe space," he said rather seriously.  I got a whiff of his cologne, then took a step back.

Forcing a laugh, I shook my head.  "Honest.  Everything is fine.  I...  I wasn't feeling well but I'm much better now."

He seemed to accept that answer because he backed off and took a seat at my table.  "Nice place you have here.  You and that friend of yours, you live together?"

"No."  I should have said yes to get him off my back.  "He's got a house in Staten Island."  _Why are you divulging information?  Shut.  Up_.

"Nice, nice."  He took another drink of the wheat ale, but his eyes remained focused on me.  "Sorry Mason's being so rude.  He runs some website for someone and they call at all hours of the day."

"No problem."  Leaning against the counter with my drink to my chest, I looked down at my frumpy outfit.  I groaned inwardly because I hadn't thought about it until that moment.  I must have looked like a homeless person.

"You look fine, Tess," Wes mentioned as if he were inside my head.

I blushed accordingly, then proceeded to play with the hem of my worn, grey t-shirt.  "Like you said, if I would'a had my phone on..."

"Hey, what happened there?" he asked next.  He stood to approach me again and carefully grabbed my left arm.  "Ouch, Tess.  What did you do?"

Slyly, I removed myself from his grasp.  "Ice and I don't really mix well."

"You're really bruised up, kid.  Are you sure you're okay?  Your friend, he's not..."

It took my brain a moment to catch on to what he was insinuating and I quickly shook my head.  "What?  God no.  He's out of town and he would never."  I was absolutely appalled he would think something of that nature about Q.  He was one of the kindest people I knew.  Until recent events, of course.  I would have kicked my own ass.

"As long as you're sure."

"Sure about what?" Mason asked while joining us again in the kitchen.

"I'm a bit clumsy is all."  I pulled my sleeve down after Wes let go and excused myself to put something a little more flattering on.  I managed to grab my phone in passing to turn it on and cry for help.  I slid into a fresh pair of running pants and a new shirt that wasn't two sizes too big before returning to my company.  They were chatting amongst themselves, so I took the liberty to send Dennise a quick text.

_Wes AND his brother are at my house.  It's so awkward.  I don't know what to do._

Dennise: Brandon told me you weren't in today.  Everything all right?  And P.S. That brother is smokin'.

_I'm fine and ew, no.  Can you come?  Please?_

Dennise: What ew?  I would but I'm still at headquarters.  What do they want??

_No idea._

Fuck.  So I was stuck, by myself with two men who meant well, but weren't making my life any easier.  I knew Wes had said a while back that he wanted to be friends, but I just wasn't so sure that this was the way to go about it.  With Dennise and Brandon, it was fine.  They were my peers.  Wes was my boss.  It was kind of a different story.

I tried my best to maintain some sort of normal talk and discussions with the both of them as the time passed, but I was already buzzed by my second drink due to the only thing I had eaten that day was a jar of peanut butter.  Not so good at absorbing the alcohol I was consuming.  That and the mental toll that had been taken on me.

Liv: You NEED to look at Facebook.  I am livid.  Where have you been?  What's going on?

My phone dinged and it took me a moment to focus, but I read Liv's text as a wave of panic washed over me.  I opened the app and it loaded.  With post after post by Cam.  Her name alone made me want to barf.  Of course she was with them.  Or maybe Q invited her after our not-so-good chat twenty four hours ago.  Whatever the case, every picture I scrolled through, she was in each.  With Q.  With what had once been mine.  All mine.  And they were looking as good as ever.  Now I knew what he must have felt like because I was experiencing angst, jealousy, anger, more jealousy and lots of nausea.

Wes must have noticed the lack of color in my face because he was at my side an instant later.  "You don't look well.  Tess, sit down.  Please."  He was insistent and with the turmoil again wracking through every inch of my skin, I let him guide me to the nearest chair.  I had a death grip on my phone still and there was no way those photos weren't engrained into my memory forever.  Something I was going to have to get used to knowing that I had shattered my relationship with Q.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Mason added.

"I fucked up, Lieutenant," I confessed.  Only then did I set my cell on the table, wide open for all to see.  Wes's brow furrowed as he took a look at the screen.

Mason too, because I heard him utter, "damn."

"What happened?" Wes asked.  He took a knee in front of me, prying my hands from my face.

"That list of people you saw yesterday.  I'm looking for a car.  One that might have been there that night."  Subconsciously, I traced the scar on my forehead with my index finger that was covered in a frizz of curls.

"And?"

Taking a steadying breath, I spoke, "I was at Q's last night and it showed up again."

" _Again?_ " he asked incredulously.

Nodding, I continued, "I thought nothing of it until my neighbor, the one who scared the guy off, mentioned it when she came over asking about the freakin' internet connection."  I wiped my nose with my sleeve because I thought I'd started crying again, but there was nothing.  _Thank God_.

"You should have told me," Wes said vehemently.

"You should have told him," Mason added.

"It has nothing to do with you, Wes.  I know I asked for your help and maybe it was out of line, but I just couldn't sit back and wait any longer."  Somehow, I found the strength to leave the chair to pour myself another glass of whiskey.  Hell, it was all on display for them both to see.  Why stop?

"So, what was it that actually happened?" Wes pried even further.

I took a long swig to collect myself, then sobered to tell him the whole story.  "When I saw the car in front of the house, I went outside because I'm tired of it all.  I wanted to confront whoever it is that's haunting me and put an end to it."

Wes sat back on his heels while his brother looked just as astonished as he did.  His hands covered his mouth as he tried to wrap his head around what I was telling him.  "And after that?"

I shrugged again.  "I fell.  Which prevented me from getting the license plate.  They took off when I got too close.  Then Q called because he has security cameras on his house and basically told me he's done."

They both shook their heads in unison, baffled, but Wes was the only one to speak.  "Why?"

That was a question I wasn't sure I could answer.  Not honestly anyway.  How could I tell my boss that the reason Q wanted nothing to do with me anymore was because he didn't think I was smart?  It was a dead end.  Both ways and I was cornered.  Never mind being alone with two men in my brownstone that originally I thought to be inelegant.

"C'mon, I told you you can talk to me," Wes reiterated as his warm hands cupped my cheeks.  I wanted to pull away, but it felt nice to be cared about again.  If that's what he was trying to do.

"I can't.  I've already said too-"

"Stop it.  Tess, I told you I would help and here I am, offering it up.  I'm sorry it wasn't sooner.  We should have figured this out months ago."

"This is my problem, not yours."  Then I did pull away.  "I'm sorry, Mason.  I'm sure this wasn't what thought you were gonna have to deal with tonight.  Change the subject, please."  I grabbed them both another beer in hopes to derail the awful conversation that just happened.  Mason smiled and thanked me, while Wes's look was more concerned.

"Who is that woman?"

 _Oh for fuck's sake_.  "A thorn in my side."

"You're too good for him," Mason told me.  But I wasn't.  I messed up by trying to portray too much confidence and know how.  I'd been negligent.  Thoughtless.  If they only knew.

"I'm just not right for his lifestyle."  I repeated Cam's words, she had been right all along.  I was only blinded by lust, not love.  Q couldn't love me.  I couldn't love him.  It was just physical.  Though we'd been through a lot together over the course of the past two years, it was only temporary and I had to come to terms with it.  I had to throw in my gloves.  Cam was always going to win.  I should have realized that long ago, back in Dallas when she showed up at his hotel room not knowing he had company.  My company.

I needed to go home.


	29. Chapter 29

Getting back on the horse.


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